Svetlana and Artem were an ordinary Moscow young family: he was a middle manager, she was an accountant in a small company, they lived in a one-room apartment in the Taganka area, received a “market average” salary, took out loans for a car and another consumer loan for apartment renovations . “We had to live just to pay the bills: rent, loan payments, car maintenance and vacation once a year, if there was enough money. We lived from paycheck to paycheck for months and years, calculated family budget, stood in traffic jams, choked in the subway - Svetlana recalls. — In principle, hundreds, thousands and even millions of people live according to a similar scheme. What was most depressing was that we didn’t see any special prospects.”
Sharp career growth not expected. The couple tried to open a company, but soon came to the conclusion that in Russia it is even harder to be an entrepreneur than an employee. "In the end, we decided to leave Russia to the other side of the world - to New Zealand. We settled all the formalities, sold the apartment and all our property and flew away with two suitcases light,” says Svetlana. Now the couple has been living in New Zealand for five years. With the money raised from the sale of the apartment, they bought a decent house in the picturesque suburbs of Tauranga. “From our windows you can see the Pacific Ocean, and at night we hear how it makes noise,” says Svetlana. She doesn’t work, runs a household, and Artem, using his website and social networks, finds tourists who want to visit New Zealand, helps them buy tickets, rented accommodation and provides guide services. “We are not rich, we still don’t have a lot of money, but what my husband earns is enough for us to live a modest but fulfilling life. We live freely, we don’t owe anyone anything. We have our own farm: a garden where I plant vegetables, several fruit trees, chickens. So if there is no work, we will not starve. Our life today cannot even be closely compared with the previous one: we lived in hell, and now we are in heaven,” says Svetlana.
“In the city, being in a rhythm imposed from the outside, people often suffer from the fact that there is no time for what they like and what they have always dreamed of doing. Of course, in such cases you can overcome your “family” depression without resorting to to such emergency measures, like leaving for the other side of the Earth, but in the end they did the right thing: the changes are for the better for them, they like it, which means they did everything right.
Although, maybe someone will read this story and think that life there is not at all cloudless, it all depends on how you look at this situation. But a combination of factors definitely speaks in favor of their move.
If we talk about the risks that may lie in wait for Svetlana and Artem in their new life, then they are the same as if they lived in Moscow or any other place. The main thing is how the person himself feels about these risks and whether he is afraid of them. We need to understand that we come into this world naked and leave naked. Everything that is acquired will be given away."
"I can't sit around all day"
When Olga married a musician, she understood that she was dealing with a creative and emotional person. She, an economist by training, saw life in a slightly different light and was more pragmatic, but at first this did not interfere family life. However, a year ago, the cheerful and carefree musician husband seemed to be replaced. “He became withdrawn, constantly thinking intently about something,” Olga recalls. As a result, Yegor told his wife that he could no longer live in “crazy” Moscow.
“He said something about giving up other people’s goals, that he wanted to go to Goa and engage in spiritual self-improvement there. He presented me with a fact: either you go with me, or I go alone. He didn’t want to make any compromises.” As a result, Olga succumbed to her husband’s persuasion, quit her favorite job, the couple quickly rented out an apartment near the park in the Voikovskaya metro area and left for the coast Indian Ocean, where they have been living for a year.
Egor is happy with everything, but Olga, who initially did not want to lead such a “vegetable” lifestyle, finds such a life very burdensome. “The money we receive from renting out an apartment is enough for us not to deny ourselves anything. We rent a wonderful two-storey house on the ocean shore, there is luxurious nature all around, but I can’t idle all day long, I’m literally going crazy from it. I miss my family, my friends, I dream about Moscow traffic jams and frosts,” says Olga. Egor refuses her persuasion to return back to Moscow, because he likes everything: he does yoga, reads, plays the guitar, found like-minded musicians, together they write music. Olga does not know what to do: on the one hand, she loves her husband and would not want to lose him, but on the other hand, she is burdened by this lifestyle and wants to return home.
Psychologists Dmitry Ershov and Elena Bakhareva comment:
“Olga loves her husband, and women are ready to make concessions in the name of love - rightly or wrongly, but she couldn’t do anything differently in this situation. Now they need to think together about how to save the family and their relationships: someone has to make compromise. There are no easy solutions here. Olga can try to return to Moscow for a while and make a decision. Maybe she just forgot what it was like?
In fact, doing nothing is a relative value. She has the same choice of activities as in Russia, and she herself can choose what to do in this new life here and now. For now, idleness is her choice. If you don’t like it, let him do something: work in charitable organizations, studying local culture, juggling, music, drawing, raising children, in the end. Maybe the time has come to think about it? By the way, supporting your husband in his work is a worthy thing for a creative person.”
"I'm just tired"
Vladislav has always been lucky in his career. The talented architect trained in London, very quickly settled into the market and began earning decent money. Soon he created his own company, and by and large his family did not experience problems. “We could afford to fly to Europe for the weekend, vacation several times a year at expensive resorts, and bought a penthouse in an elite residential complex. I could consider myself a successful person,” says Vladislav. However, at some point he began to feel burdened by his usual way of life. “I’m just tired. I’m tired of the endless negotiations, the constant rush, the constant feeling that you are late for something, that you need to hurry, run.”
To the surprise of friends and relatives, a year ago Vladislav bought ten hectares of land in the Karelian wilderness and went there with his family to permanent place residence. Now they have a small farm, a farm and a large two-story log house. The family is engaged in subsistence farming; Vladislav takes the children to rural school, and at home his wife teaches them English and music.
But if at first the settlers enjoyed nature and tranquility, now Vladislav began to doubt whether he had made the right decision. “More and more often it seems to me that I got carried away, and sometimes I even regret that I was so rash. I can’t get my business back, and even after living on a farm, I’m afraid that I’ve lost my grip. I’m increasingly blaming myself for that I made the wrong decision. Although now I’m no longer sure of anything: what if, when we return to the city and I rebuild my life, I’ll want to go into the wilderness again?” the newly-minted farmer doubts. Vladislav is trying to understand himself and understand what he is really looking for (peace or dynamic city life and business success), but so far he cannot unequivocally answer this question.
Psychologists Dmitry Ershov and Elena Bakhareva comment:
"Successful and wealthy people rush into the arms of downshifting, because success is often just the tip of the iceberg, and under the water there is high dedication and heavy complex solutions that change a person, and he feels that he is not in better side. Constant tension and the feeling of life passing by is what pushes people to take such steps.
The example is not very typical in the sense that such a step might be more likely to be taken by a person who is not as creative as Vladislav. Creative successful people As a rule, it is easier to find a flexible way of self-realization without “downshifting.” One of the reasons for this relocation may be that in fact Vladislav learned to earn money, but never learned to create. There are no right or wrong decisions in such cases. He could live his life differently, but he lives like this. Not better or worse, just different. For active people who make difficult decisions and change their lives, sooner or later this new life gets boring and negative emotions from past life are erased, reflection appears. What is gone cannot be returned, so Vladislav can only appreciate what he has gained. Let him try to find a compromise so that he can do business and live in nature away from everyone. Modern technologies can allow this."
“Somehow it all started spinning and spinning”
Leaving for the ocean in India, Dmitry did not even think that his journey would last for seven whole months. He expected to live for a month, take a break from the bustle of the city and then return to work with renewed vigor. “Somehow it all started to turn around. I met guys there who had been living on the ocean coast for several years. I bought an inexpensive motorcycle, and we drove along the ocean coast, staying overnight in real villages, in small hotels, for a long time lived at the temple. Time passed: a month passed, then another. I didn’t want to go back at all, and I kept telling myself “in a week” and stayed again,” says Dmitry. In the first month of his free life, he lost four kilograms, another five kilograms flew off over the next two months. “I think it’s because we were constantly on the move, doing yoga, eating healthy, natural food,” he says.
Alas, money tends to run out: no matter how hard Dmitry tried to save, after seven months the cash ran out, there was no local source of income, and he was forced to return to Moscow. “I bought a ticket with my last money, arrived and realized that I couldn’t live here, I couldn’t see these crowds of people with inscrutable faces who were constantly rushing somewhere,” says Dmitry about his feelings from Moscow. Dmitry is an interior designer by profession. Before he left, he made good money and had a solid clientele, but four months have passed since his arrival, and he still cannot start working and get involved in reality. “I started to feel some kind of depression, a longing for freedom. I feel like I’m in a cage, but I can’t do anything. It seems like there’s no way out, and that’s what scares me the most,” the designer complains.
Psychologists Dmitry Ershov and Elena Bakhareva comment:
"Dmitry cannot fit into a society that was previously clear and familiar to him, because he saw an alternative that he had not seen before. In any case, fear and fear are always bad advisers and you need to make important decisions with a calm head. Not everything is bad, what is scary, and not everything is good, what is not scary. Dmitry has a too infantile approach to this situation. Moreover, history is silent about what usually keeps a person in his homeland. He has no parents, friends, a beloved girl dear to his heart dogs?
The idea that low mood is a manifestation of longing for freedom may be true, but it may also be completely wrong. In any case, now his heart tells him to do just that, and any opposition to this desire will cause repressed emotions in him. We need to understand depression in more detail, because there is another path that can lead to less clear-cut results, but it is long, difficult and associated with personal growth and awareness of your real goals. Having advanced along it, Dmitry can both become stronger in the correctness of the decision to travel to India soon, and choose another - the third, fourth, fifth route in his life. Everything will depend on what he considers important for himself at this stage of life, but the choice must be made consciously and carefully.”
"Downshifting is not my thing"
“Drop everything and go to Thailand, if not permanently, then at least for a year,” this thought haunted manager Vladimir for six months. He was less and less interested in work, more and more often “withdrew into himself,” colleagues and management noted his constantly absent look and loss of work enthusiasm. The signal for radical changes was breakdown. “This has never happened to me: I drank for a week, turned off my phone, and on Friday, at the height of the working day, intoxicated, I came to work and told my colleagues and management everything I thought about office slavery and corporate ethics,” recalls Vladimir the circumstances of your departure.
Concerned about his unstable emotional state, he wrote a statement on at will, moved out of the rented apartment, gave valuables to friends for safekeeping and flew to the coast Andaman Sea. At first, he liked everything: the relaxed atmosphere, nature, evening cheerful gatherings with like-minded people accompanied by songs and dances. However, after some time, the monotonous “doing nothing” began to get boring. “A month passed, and I suddenly realized that I was “full” of all this. I really wanted to go home, I wanted to work, to do something. I realized that downshifting is not for me,” says Vladimir.
Vladimir was no longer able to get his previous job (his place was taken), but he got another, no less successful job. “I have a new team, a new job, new prospects, I am full of strength and plans. I believe that from time to time you need to change something in life, otherwise you will sour and fall into the blues,” he is sure.
Psychologists Dmitry Ershov and Elena Bakhareva comment:
“There could be several reasons for Vladimir’s condition: overexertion, failure, and something else that was left behind the scenes of the story. Mental and emotional exhaustion is a fairly common situation for workaholics and careerists. Maybe Vladimir just needed a long vacation.
Vladimir’s opinion that from time to time something in life needs to be radically changed cannot be called universal. For some, yes. For some, no. The assessment of a position should be based on a cumulative analysis of many factors, but, as a rule, if the general line of life is chosen correctly, such “exercises” are harmful: life is short and there is a lot to be done. Vladimir's breakdown smacks of immaturity.
But there are also advantages. They can be found in the fact that Vladimir is decisive enough to look for a way out of his difficult situation not in alcohol and drugs, but in travel. True, he also had his share of alcohol abuse, but these are the costs of the situation and the culture in which we live.
Discussion
I’ve been dreaming for a long time, but I can’t leave my elderly relative (she’s 79 years old) and she has no one but me.
It is significant that children are mentioned in only one case. of course, without being tied to anything, with the opportunity to earn income without straining, the opportunity to return, etc. - why not try to live in the “land of eternal vacations”. but all this does not qualify as an example to follow. there are children, there are elderly parents, there are passing years, finally...
03/25/2012 17:28:07, never mindI know such stories too. What I would like to say... If you have the financial opportunity - as an option to rent out an apartment - the flag is in your hands. Who would argue: we live in hell. But the problem is that communism never arrived in paradise. That is. you have to live on something. There is something to do - go ahead. Well, if you didn’t like it, you can always come back.
But if there is nothing to donate and there are no other options... We sit still and wait for death. Alas.
There are also those who have sold everything and with a one-way ticket - go ahead. Also an option, but not suitable for me personally. No matter where in the world we remain citizens of our country, and if, God forbid, something happens - and no one is guaranteed - where will we run? To your embassy, of course. What if real problems arise and you are expelled from the country? Where, on a bare hummock?
In general, there is an opportunity to live somewhere without cutting all the loose ends - go ahead, no - then no. Like mine.
Comment on the article "Five stories about downshifting"
And about downshifting too... Serious question. About yours, about your girl’s. Discussion of issues about a woman’s life in the family, at work, relationships with men. And if anyone talks about downshifting, answer like this: “Are you going to live forever?”
Discussion
As for “we need to be patient for a couple more years,” we need to fight from 2 sides:
1) Logic - you have developed it - that 10 times in a couple of years
2) Feeling that life is VERY short.
I work in a similar field, I was in a similar (but not identical) situation years ago... very, very long ago, when everything got to the point of nausea, to the point of “I’ll give up” and to “burn everything with fire.” What is typical here is this: laboratory work is very hard (because overtime is always expected, such is the culture of the profession and the system, close to a sweatshop. In America, according to observations, even more so than in Europe). But this is for “soldiers in the trenches”, i.e. for those who work with their hands in the laboratory, doing experiments. Burnout is typical after years of continuous racing. There are two ways out. Or career advancement to the level of a professor (in academic science) or a manager in industry. Then there is still a lot of work, but it is data analysis, you set the work schedule yourself, and most importantly - a completely different motivation, recognition, you don’t have to rush for the light at the end of the tunnel. Or pass to the side, into an adjacent area, chosen so that there is more motivation, satisfaction and, again, growth (and less abnormal workload). For example (all examples are from America, some may not work in Europe): pure teaching (less prestigious and lucrative, but has a number of advantages), related fields of science that do not require laboratory “work at the machine” (biostatistics, bioinformatics, epidemiology, etc. .d., “they exist”), an analyst in a consulting or financial company in the biomedical field, work in the administration of a university or government agency that distributes grants, and the list goes on. Why would all these jobs/careers be "better"? Not everything and not for everyone, but if it’s clear that the laboratory is already fed up with it, then we need to move. Choose where to view best app existing knowledge, experience, what attracts and where prospects are visible (the laboratory is useful when there are no prospects, like “everything will always be like this”).
(It seems that I told platitudes. But it really reminded me of the path I’ve traveled :) :))
Good luck to you, whatever you decide! :)
Downshifting and the village, is it worth it? My husband and I are thinking about moving to the village. The family is in favor, colleagues and acquaintances are twirling their fingers at their temples. I understand downshifters. I don’t know if it’s some kind of age crisis. Downshifting and the village, is it worth it? Five stories about downshifting.
Discussion
I would go to the village for the summer (relatively - from May to October). And the rest of the time - an apartment in the Moscow region.
Just 10 km is a lot. Of course, a lot depends on the village, on the roads, on the neighbors, etc.
Your daughter needs not only good school in the future, but also socialization now. If there are no other children of her age in the village or they only come to visit their grandparents for the summer, who should she communicate with?
I'm a little afraid for the child, because... All the same, the contingent in a remote village will be very different from the capital + the remoteness of the school and hospital - this, of course, is extreme. Maybe you should move not to a village, but to one of the small towns? If you have money, then it’s not a problem to buy a house or apartment somewhere in Ples or Myshkin. The nature there is beautiful, the space is crazy, life is calm, the people are nicer, and during the season the movement around tourists will not let you get completely bored (at the same time you can earn extra money), while all the benefits of civilization, including the central water supply, will remain with you.
06/28/2018 10:40:55, Epsonaabout downshifting at work. Need some advice. Work and education. about downshifting at work. I’m sitting sadly over the vacancy of an Administrative Assistant in the visa and migration department of one of the embassies. Now the medical history: Unfortunately, you won’t find a job of this level right away.
Discussion
I understand you, you burn out from commerce... completely, without a dry residue
Now I’m struggling with my editorial work, and there’s not much money, but there’s a terrible thrill from writing articles, from the lack of constant stress, from creativity and... leaving work early. It's still light, but I'm home. My son is going to first grade in the fall... I need this break
Although they took me as an acquaintance. Because a normal HR would definitely send me, despite my portfolio
You don’t risk anything, you don’t lose anything: try. They’ll refuse, they’ll refuse. Just think, what a disaster. You’ll spit and keep looking. It’s better to try, even with a negative result, than to regret later that you didn’t try. There is no reason to torment yourself with doubts like that. Try if you have nothing to lose.
07/20/2012 16:04:51, valerianaThe classic downshift for Moscow and St. Petersburg is to rent out your (or grandma’s) apartments and spend this money on the warm seas. Not certainly in that way. Classic downshifting is such a completely “different” philosophy. One day a person suddenly understands emptiness and meaninglessness...
Discussion
I support. I have already prepared an apartment on the warm sea :) But I’m in no hurry - I’m still enjoying my work. The problem with downshifting is that in the first months people have a blast, but then they start toiling around because they’re tired of lying on the beach and there’s nothing else to do. And the social circle is very specific, only slackers :) If you find a job (or open your own business) - this is no longer downshifting, this is immigration... Classic downshifting for Moscow and St. Petersburg - rent out your (or grandma's) apartments and spend this money on warm seas. If you have some real estate in reserve, go ahead and go. About children - the further the reforms go Russian education, the less I like it. Therefore, for the wonderful Russian schools I definitely wouldn't cling to it. In any country of the same Southeast Asia you can find quite decent schools with instruction in English according to the British or American standard. And colleges and universities, yeah.
Good morning, Katya :-)
Well, I'm just ready for divorces, and you...:-)))
You know, the main thing is to know exactly what you want, and why not? :-))
Understand what the pros and cons are in the main issues of life, how you can compensate for the cons and......to your dream :-)))
I also have a dream and it’s also connected with the sea, but I don’t plan to realize it for another 15 years :-)))
Discussion
Come to us))). Central Italy. Region - Marche. One side faces the Adriatic in the Ancona area. The beaches are wonderful. Tourist infrastructure is underdeveloped. In the small towns there are not even taxis, no one will come to visit you.)) A car is a must. Agricultural region with picturesque hills. Fresh fish from fishermen and markets - good, fresh products. Prosecco in barrels of 50 liters and above, for exchange. Or from owners of small vineyards in cans. Lots of interesting things nearby historical heritage. Nature reserves. The neighbors are the nicest people. I saw my nearest one several times while driving past, because it is 1 km away. There aren't even fences here. The air is such that it seems that you can scoop it up with your palm.
in continuation about downshifting. Serious question. About yours, about your girl’s. Discussion of issues about a woman’s life in the family, at work, relationships with men. everything, as usual, Russian, mathematics, reading, history, natural history, everything seems to be 10.28.2008 13:19:39, LightBug©.
Discussion
I haven’t read the thread yet, I think they’ve already advised - try to “sell at a higher price” the selected trademark (maybe in addition to the new trademark you will succeed in something else - money, additional paid leave), don’t quit now - winter will show how and what. At school - try to transfer to a parallel class, discuss with the director ALL options for the development of events - up to "and if we leave, and the teacher quits (goes to school...) - take him back" - emphasizing the fact that there is no contact with this teacher. And without making any sudden movements, slowly look for backup options (both in terms of work and in terms of school)...
again everything switched to discussing school :)
whereas I wanted to listen to opinions on what I should do in light of the salary reduction and the crisis in general
and here's more about downshifting. Interesting things on the web. About yours, about your girl’s. Discussion of issues about a woman’s life in the family, at work, relationships with men. here it is believed that downshifting is from “white collar” to physical labor that does not require education.
The word “downshifting” (“life for oneself”, rejection of values imposed by society) gradually began to gain popularity in the 21st century, eventually reaching Russia. In 2016, the head of Sberbank German Gref called Russia a “downshifter country” - however, completely distorting the meaning of this term.
As for the people, more and more residents of large cities began to abandon their careers and move to exotic lands. The most popular option has become “living on renting out an apartment” (which is why, in fact, mostly residents of Moscow and St. Petersburg can afford this in Russia).
However, is such a “free” lifestyle so attractive? “Smart Magazine” invites you to read the real stories of “downshifters” and answer this question yourself.
“Goodbye normals”
A project with the same name (Goodbye normals, which can also be translated as “Goodbye, norms”) arose in Russia at the beginning of 2013 and consisted of two people. As usual, they were a boy and a girl, and they decided to go on a trip around the world. The participants, Olga Timanova and Nikita Demin, were about 25, and they decided to finance their trip in the classic way - by renting out a Moscow apartment for 30 thousand rubles.
As expected, travelers covered their path on the Internet with everyone possible ways, and soon their story hit the press. One day the couple decided to take advantage of their growing popularity and raise money online. To travel around Africa they needed a car that cost 150 thousand rubles. People responded and the required amount was collected. True, this case was a one-time exception - Olga and Nikita bought everything else on their own.
More than a year and a half passed, and suddenly the idyllic story ended. At the end of October 2014, Timanova published a story on social networks about what actually happened during all this time. Perhaps this story can serve as an excellent example of how rosy plans do not survive a collision with harsh reality.
The first snag, as usual, was money. As Timanova said, she and Nikita from the very beginning of the trip could not live on 30 thousand rubles. The solution turned out to be obvious: take it from the parents. According to Olga, she received $500-600 monthly from her family. Apparently, this was a serious amount for them. Besides, they were worried about their daughter. As a result, Olga's mother suffered heart attack(as my daughter wrote: “From all our problems”).
Nikita's father - apparently a much wealthier man - also did not leave his son without help. For example, he paid for all the flights of a happy couple of travelers (all over the world). He also added 50 thousand rubles to the successful fundraiser they organized to buy a car.
In addition to financial ones, the couple also had difficulties in personal communication. Namely, in her text, Olga spoke about multiple cases of assault on the part of her young man. According to her, she even lost count of how many times this was repeated. It often resulted in bruises, and once Nikita allegedly dragged Olga into the shower and forced her to lie under cold water.
It is curious that, despite all this suffering, Timanova returned to her lover again. IN last time she returned to him in Brazil after three months of rehabilitation with a psychologist in Moscow. But another “disappointment” awaited her there, after which she finally decided to end their “romantic journey” completely.
In his response statement, Demin admitted that they took money from their parents, “as much as their conscience allowed, common sense and opportunities." He denied allegations of systematic beatings, admitting only to “grabbing and pushing” his girlfriend, after which she once fell, hit herself and received a bruise. Olga’s statement, in his opinion, was dictated by a “psychological disorder.”
The scandal that ended the journey of two romantics even reached the central media: a story about it was shown on the Rossiya-24 TV channel.
The presentation of the story by television people drew criticism from Nikita and 16 other travel bloggers. In particular, they argued that TV specifically instills in its audience a “fear of independent travel.”
Married to a musician
The Russian Internet is full of stories about how much people have gained by leaving their routine city lifestyle behind and moving to an exotic location like Goa or Thailand. However, there are also opposite cases. It is more interesting to look at them, as this allows you to better understand the possible risks of such a radical life change.
For example, Olga, a successful Moscow economist in the past, could not find herself in the tropical Indian paradise, where she moved at the insistence of her musician husband:
“The money we receive from renting out an apartment is enough for us not to deny ourselves anything. We rent a beautiful two-story house on the ocean, there is luxurious nature all around, but I can’t idle all day, I’m literally going crazy from it. I miss my family, my friends, I dream about Moscow traffic jams and frosts.”
Landscape in Goa
At the same time, Olga’s husband feels great: he composes music with like-minded people whom he found in a new place, does yoga and other self-development. Perhaps from this we can conclude that people creative professions such a change often benefits those who are engaged in more highly specialized activities, which by default are tied to a specific country.
Another successful Moscow careerist, a manager named Vladimir, became literally obsessed with the idea of giving up everything and moving to Thailand. As a result, he even reached a nervous breakdown:
“This has never happened to me: I drank for a week, turned off my phone, and on Friday, at the height of the working day, intoxicated, I came to work and told my colleagues and management everything I thought about office slavery and corporate ethics.”
Thailand
As a result, the man finally realized his obsession. However, in a new place, he gradually realized that this was “not his thing.” The reason was the same - lack of usual activities:
“A month passed, and I suddenly realized that I was “full” of all this. I wanted to go home so much, I wanted to work, to do something. I realized that downshifting is not for me.”
As a result, he returned to Moscow and got another job Good work, and all his previous blues and obsessions disappeared as if by hand.
But another downshifter from Russia, Evgeniy Nesterov, who quit his office and went to learn surfing in Bali, is happy with his choice.
Hotel in Bali
True, he believes that when making such a decision, several rules must be followed:
“Living and relaxing are two different things. On my second visit, the island no longer seemed so enchanting and mysterious, I began to notice more often what I didn’t like, but I was able to adapt with the help of several life rules... The first is to create a daily routine... You definitely need to have a job, even remotely. There is nothing destructive for the mind than not understanding what to do today and where to get money to rent a house tomorrow... Well, the main thing is to set a goal for yourself. Why are you ready to fry in the sun 365 days a year, to leave friends and family, to face big amount garbage on the roads, theft and “Groundhog Day”?
With a sweetheart - heaven in a stinking van
A young Australian couple told the British press a story about a positive, but very difficult three-month immersion in road romance. 23-year-old Cassandra Clark and her 25-year-old fiancé Michael Kopp decided to celebrate their engagement by taking a trip around the east coast of their continent in a van. Fortunately, a reason came up for this - the musician groom was offered to play in a number of bars, which made it possible to earn extra money.
Just seven days later, Cassandra contracted a very piquant illness - vaginal candidiasis. Having difficulty obtaining the necessary cream in a provincial pharmacy, she had to resort to the help of Michael for treatment:
“There is little that can compare with the awkwardness when you have to lie with your legs in the air while he helps you apply this cream.”
Soon the lovers' refrigerator in the van broke down, so they had to buy food for no more than a day. Although even this was not easy - it was 45 degrees outside.
“Travelling in this van was the most stressful thing we could have ever tried on our relationship,” says Cassandra. It was especially difficult for her to share her living space with, as she put it, “a smelly man.”
The girl’s health problems did not end with candidiasis. During the trip, she also managed to contract gastroenteritis, which she describes as “the worst thing I’ve ever experienced.” This time, for treatment, she even had to stay in a nearby hospital.
The van itself was a let down. Not only did the car consume a lot of gasoline, which turned out to be an unpleasant surprise for the poor couple, but it also required constant repairs. One day, in order to fix the car again, they had to buy a plane ticket, fly home and work in a factory for two weeks.
True, the most difficult thing for Cassandra was not financial and medical difficulties, but a psychological problem. She was very depressed that Michael was earning money for them with concerts, and she “sits and does nothing.” This gave her a feeling of worthlessness and lack of talent. In the end, the girl was able to convince herself that by supporting her groom, she was also participating in a common cause.
Despite all the difficulties they experienced, the lovers evaluate their three-month trip as an incredible and extremely valuable experience. Among other things, they said, “they have grown a lot, and now their relationship has become simply impossible to destroy.”
We interviewed a young family. We met on the Internet during the “Your Start” training. The sympathy arose immediately as soon as we visited their website www.pod-ryukzakom.ru
Fascinating stories from family life, interesting materials about raising children and, of course, stories about personal travel, how to go on vacation with a child, what joys and what difficulties await downshifters on a long journey.
We have great respect for people who have refused to participate in the “rat race”, the desire for goals and lifestyles imposed from outside; to people who consciously strive for his goals, dedicated to love, family, caring for each other. These are downshifters.
Our new friends chose Goa World. Judge for yourself what kind of world this is and how a young family lives in it:
The story of Vovka, Masha and Tishka
We are Vovka, Masha and Tisha. Until 2005, each of us lived our own lives - Vovka worked, Masha studied, and Tisha was not yet in the project. We met at an art song festival and found each other, as they say.
We are so different. Masha is a crazy turbo broom, ready at any second to break into the rain, snow, heat under a backpack far away, a generator of ideas. Vovka is thorough, thinks and calculates a lot, and it is on his shoulders that the development of ideas and budget planning falls. Our strength lies in this difference - by complementing each other we achieve common goals.
Travel is our common passion. We are always hungry, we always want new places, new people, new experiences. With equal joy we go to forest near Moscow sit by the fire, drive through Russian cities, fly abroad... One day we ended up in India and disappeared, as they say. There we realized that the seemingly established life in Moscow was not life at all, but existence.
It was not possible to turn everything around right away, but in 2010 Tisha was born to us, and he became the main catalyst, because you can want for yourself for a long time, but for your beloved child you need to do it quickly. So we decided to leave the bustle in Moscow and go to warmer climes in Goa.
How did you get to India?
Masha: With India, everything turned out in a non-trivial way. In the spring of 2006, we sat at home and decided where we wanted to go on our first trip together. Vovka wanted to go to Goa, and I wanted to go to Thailand. Since it was not possible to come to a consensus, they decided that life would show, and then went to tourist agency. On the way, it started to rain, we believed in fate and went to the closest place to buy tickets to Goa.
You've been to India seven times! Why this country?
Masha: The first trip to Goa was wonderful, we saw a lot, but didn’t understand anything about India and life there, we had no intention of returning. After that we had other Asian countries. And in 2008 in October we gathered in Honeymoon around Indonesia, got vaccinated, planned the route, bought tickets. But a week before departure, I was looking through photos from Goa and I understood. What I don't want in Indonesia, I want in
Vovka: I was shocked! Everything was ready for a big trip to Indonesia, all that was left was to go to the registry office and jump on the plane. The first reaction was that I would have the most extravagant wife in the world. My premonition did not deceive me, but that’s not what I’m talking about. Having slept with this thought, I decided that if she wants, then let her fuss quickly and quickly! As a result, in less than a week, Masha changed her tickets and got visas to India.
How did you come to the decision to go to Goa for six months?
Vovka: The idea of going to India for a long time arose back in 2008. We were still joking then, if they fired us from work, we’d pack up and leave right away... They fired us... or rather, they made us redundant, but we left only after Tikhon was born. And now we’ve spent 2 seasons (from October to May) entirely in Goa.
Masha: The first two years we went at the end and beginning of the season for 3-4 weeks. Moreover, they not only sat in Goa, but also actively rode around southern India. But the desire to get away from cold Moscow to warm India arose immediately. We thought, considered, and thought about how to leave like that, but we couldn’t decide. Everything changed when we found out that we were going to have a new addition. Vovka and I looked at each other and said that now we would definitely not spend the winter in Moscow. I was terrified of being left with my baby in cold, dark, slushy Moscow.
Did you know what awaits you during an extended stay in Goa?
Vovka: We already had a general idea from previous trips. But coming to rest for a couple of weeks and leaving to live even for six months are two big differences. Moreover, we were flying with a baby in our arms.
On this topic there is good joke. The man becomes lethargic and is sent to hell at the distribution point. And there are devils playing on plates, witches dancing on tables, fire shows... The man was pumped out. After living for some more time, he dies completely. At the border they ask him: is it hell or heaven? He, remembering his previous stay, rushes to hell. There it is immediately placed on a hot frying pan. He asks how this can happen, because last time it was a big deal. Well, he gets the answer: “now you know the difference between a tour trip and emigration.”
Masha: We were preparing :) During the spring visit, when I was already pregnant, we found out what awaited us when we arrived with the baby. We looked closely at houses, walked around children's stores, asked prices... But it was precisely this knowledge that turned out to be unnecessary for us, as it turned out later.
Although the experience of previous trips was certainly useful to us. We knew where we wanted to live, where to stay for a couple of days until we found a house, who to rent a scooter from, where to buy groceries, where to go for household belongings. In principle, this is all sheer nonsense, which is mastered literally in the first week.
Our first season came at a time when Indians stopped issuing six-month visas in Russia. We considered options to fly to Thailand or Cambodia. But they still wanted to go to Goa, simply because much was known and understood there. As trivial as it may seem, a lot depends on the financial issue. We already knew how to fit into our budget in India, but there was no money for trial and error in new country we did not have.
Did you live in one place or did you move around? On what basis did you choose the location and housing?
Masha: Before Silent Birth, we traveled around South India, and in Goa we always lived in Mandrem. It is convenient to have a base for short trips, so as not to carry all your luggage with you. And for the last two years we have been living in Goa, practically without leaving. We travel a lot within one day. And it’s just financially difficult for us to go out overnight, because it entails renting an apartment, eating in a restaurant, etc. We go on vacation to Palolem :)
Mandrem beach
We chose the beach for the first time, actively studying this issue. I wanted to go North, but calmly. Then Mandrem seemed to us ideal place. We spent the last season in Parre, it was very convenient to move around Goa, close to everything, but we still went to the beach in Mandrem.
And housing is being looked for on the spot. You just need to go around the surrounding area and choose for yourself, the main thing is not to forget to bargain.
For ourselves, we decided not to live directly near the sea. The coast is noisy, houses are close together and prices are high. Living in the village is much more comfortable, and the sea is 5-10 minutes away on a scooter.
Which beach did you like best?
Masha: ABOUT! This is a very difficult question.
The most childish and most familiar is Mandrem, in the northernmost part of Goa. But it’s too far to go to the city or to the markets often.
Vagator scourge
The most convenient in terms of location are Anjuna and Vagator, but they have a fundamentally worse sea, rocks, steep slopes to the beach itself, and more expensive housing.
The most heavenly is Palolem, in the south of Goa, a bay, blue sea, the only place on the entire coast in Goa where there are no waves, but living there during the season is dreary, because it is far from all centers of civilization and there are practically no houses for rent. We go there at the end of the season on vacation to live for a couple of days in a bamboo hut on the shore and swim in the sea, forgetting about all household worries.
The beaches south of Panaji, the capital of Goa, are wide, clean and endless. But in that part five-star hotels have been built where ten-day package travelers are brought. There is frankly nothing to do there except eat, drink and bask in the sun. Well, maybe also do a couple of excursion trips, travel far every day, and take a taxi last years costs a lot.
Baga, Calangute is Sochi in peak season. Moreover, in recent years there have been more and more Indian tourists there. An area of poor package tourists. There are a lot of people on the beach and in the sea, the beach is quite dirty. Although there are people who prefer to live there, for example, the British of retirement age.
We know that India is far from sanitary standards. Is Goa different in this regard? Was it scary to eat local food?
Vovka: Well, let’s just say that in Moscow I don’t just risk drinking tap water, I don’t eat unwashed fruits and vegetables from the market, I wash my hands after visiting public places, I always have wet wipes in my backpack, and hydrogen peroxide for Tishka. So why should these same norms be a concern in India or any other country in the world?
Masha: For the first time in India, I had the feeling that I had been placed bare-bottomed in a garbage heap. But now I understand that this is caused not so much by my impression, but by the pressure on me public consciousness that India is dirty, unsanitary.
Goa, like the rest of India, is littered with plastic. This is her problem. It happens that there are bottles or ice cream wrappers lying on the streets or on the beach, but especially this year I began to notice special people collecting garbage.
There is no glaring unsanitary conditions in Goa. Whatever one may say, this is a resort, and even the Indians, with their eternal desire to do less and get more, understand that a sewer ditch is unlikely to help tourism business.
I was never afraid to eat or drink. The most dangerous thing in India is. Initially, we behaved extremely carefully in this regard - we cooked only with bottled water, at first we even brushed our teeth with it. The restaurants did not order tea and asked not to add ice. Pah-pah-pah, in all the years we haven't had one food poisoning. It seems that the body has gradually adapted, and now we quite freely use local water for food, although always boiled. And Tikhon generally drinks water from the tap when he bathes, although we do not forbid him to do this. And everything is fine too.
Where did you eat? How are things going with food in Goa?
Vovka: We cook food at home. All products familiar to Russian people are available, except for buckwheat and herring. We bring buckwheat with us, and order herring for friends. We learned how to make pickles, cottage cheese, ferment cabbage, salt lard... There is no sausage and little canned food. But this is even good, without them the nutrition is more correct.
In general, every year Goa is becoming more and more European in terms of food. Supermarkets are opening where you can buy almost everything. We even saw sausage, but the prices were insane.
Masha: We go to restaurants occasionally for something very tasty. We have long mastered Indian cuisine and sometimes go to Indian eateries. But you need to get used to such food. Sometimes, if we really want dumplings, we go to Russian restaurants run by our friends. Such establishments are a great boon for Russian tourists who cannot adapt to Indian cuisine. And when we have an attack of eating fast food, there are pizzerias, Rostix and Subway for this...
Are there many Russians?
Vovka: There are different "seasons" in Goa and different places. Catholic Christmas week in Calangute-Bagh means crowds, no CROWD of Hindus who came from all over India to party in Goa, but new year holidays, this is already Russian-speaking dominance.
Masha: There are many Russians. But depending on where they live, people are different.
Arambol beach
Arambol has a touch of hippiness: yoga, dreadlocks, weed...
Mandrem is home to families with children, so it’s almost always calm.
Morjim - traditional Russian place. I don’t like him because of his aggressive Russianness. I'm not against my compatriots, but I don't like showing off.
Baga-Calangute – packagers, often without knowledge in English. Some try to speak Russian with the local population, and they believe that the louder they shout, the better they will be understood.
South Goa - five-star hotels, cafes with a Russian menu... It sometimes feels like those who came wanted to go to Turkey, but ended up in Goa. Similar to Baga, but the audience is more affluent.
They say that Goa can be very noisy: parties, acid music, drug addicts, is this true?
Masha: An official ban on parties has been introduced in Goa. There are several clubs that hold trance parties, but the days of “wild” dancing on the beaches are gone. It is not difficult to buy drugs in Goa, especially if you know the trusted places. Many people smoke hashish and weed, but I haven’t met any outright drug addicts.
We heard that local residents are tired of tourists. Is it so?
Vovka: The local population gets tired of any noisy tourists, but in noisy tourists, they, first of all, see money bags, and everyone understands that a couple of months of tourist spree feeds them for a whole year, and allows them, by the way, to build and develop a business. But those who live for a long time are perceived quite favorably by the locals, if, of course, they behave appropriately.
Masha: We have seen conflicts between Russians and Indians, but there is no trace of resistance to the tourism business. For two years, when there were problems with issuing six-month visas, all the locals were very sad because they were without income. And tenants, and taxi drivers, and restaurateurs...
On average, how much money did you spend per month on living expenses?
Masha: Our average budget is about $1000 per month, including all expenses.
Vovka: On a ten-day tour, we spend much more money than we spend in a whole month. A room in a guesthouse, taxis and restaurants is much more than what we spend. We cook at home and buy food from local markets, ride a scooter or take local buses. Our way of life is much closer to Indian than to tourist.
How old was Tikhon when you went to India? How did he cope with the flight and stay there? How does adaptation occur when returning to Moscow?
Masha: When we left, Tisha was 2 months old. He survived the flight amazingly! He behaved much more decently on the road than at home. I already wrote a whole article about this http://pod-ryukzakom.ru/deti-v-samolete/
The child did not experience acclimatization in either direction. Quiet generally easily tolerates weather changes and any movements in space. But from the very birth we involved him in an active life.
In Goa everything is much simpler; the lack of clothes pleases the child immensely. But autumn in Moscow is not easy - it’s difficult to dress Tisha for a walk, he is eager to run away in only his shorts and barefoot.
You were gone for a long time. You can’t take the house with you. What essentials did you take with you?
Vovka: Money, documents, camera, laptop. Everything else is purchased locally.
Masha: Most things can be bought in Goa. We took a lot of clothes and household belongings from Moscow in order to save money there. Most luggage was occupied by Silence things, but in best case scenario a third was useful to us. The most valuable thing for a child is his favorite toys and books in Russian. Clothes, toys - all this is sold in Goa, and often much cheaper.
What is your impression of GOA? What is this anyway?
Vovka: For us it’s more like home. Well, what is the feeling from the House? We feel comfortable there, literally dogs on the streets recognize us and smile from ear to ear.
Masha: Goa and India in general is a magical place. Dreams come true there 🙂 This is the place where you find what you are looking for: some beaches and the sea, some yoga and enlightenment, some trance parties and drugs. These are ancient forts, Catholic churches, coconut palms and rice fields, women in saris
In general, this place has its pros and cons. Warmth, sea, sun, fresh fruit, relaxed atmosphere, after all, it’s cheap there if you approach financial issue competently. The biggest disadvantage is that it’s far away, at some point we start to wildly miss our friends, of whom there are many in Moscow, our people, and you can’t fly out to see us on weekends. But there are still more advantages, which is why we live in Goa. Again, Goa has already formed its own social circle; we are not locked within our family. And when we fly away from Goa, I begin to miss the Goan party.
Although now the idea has already arisen to try something new, for example the Philippines.
What did you like most about this trip? What places do you think are a must-see?
Masha: Despite all its apparent microscopicity, Goa has a lot interesting places. We have been actively exploring the state for many years now, and still find something new.
1.Dudhsagar Falls - a tall waterfall with a lake in which you can swim. Monkeys live there too.
2. Forts - there are many of them in Goa. The most spectacular are Aguda (in excellent preservation) and Redi (abandoned in the jungle).
3. Palolem Beach - a bay, blue sea without waves, you can just enjoy the sea or rent a kayak.
4. Hampi. This is an abandoned (destroyed by the Mughals) Hindu city. It is located in a neighboring state; you need to allocate at least three days for the trip. But the place is fantastic and worth a visit.
5. The capital of Goa is Panaji - the old Portuguese areas are very picturesque. I recommend going to the restaurant at the Venite Hotel, a very atmospheric place.
6. City of Old Goa - the old capital of Goa, a city of Catholic churches.
7. Anjuna Flea Market - a huge tourist market held once a week on Wednesdays. This and trading platform, and colorful action at the same time.
8 The night market in Arpora is similar to the market in Anjuna. But it is held after sunset, there are many Europeans selling their designer items, a large food court where you can try a wide variety of food different corners world, concert venue.
9. Arambol beach - “the last stronghold of hippies”. At sunset, concerts are often held to open air, fire show, as well as classes from different yoga schools. Nearby is a fresh lake and the famous banyan tree.
10. Hindu temples are fun for everyone.
What do you think needs to be done in Goa?
Vovka: I thought about it and understood. What I don’t know... All people are so different... swimming in the sea is obvious. I don't recommend smoking weed.
Masha: Everything in Goa is already so familiar to me, I had to remember my first impressions
1. Going to the sunset is one of the symbols of Goa. It’s worth going to the sea at least once to plant some sun.
2. Get to know the local cuisine – it’s definitely worth a try! Indian cuisine is mostly very spicy, but it is definitely worth getting to know. At least there is one hit that no tourist can pass by - chizgarliknaan (tandoor flatbread with garlic and cheese). And of course seafood!
3. Eat up on fruits – not only traditional bananas and pineapples, but also Indian ones. But for exotic things you will have to go to the market; in hotels the choice is limited.
4. Going for an Ayurvedic massage is at least pleasant. And if you take the whole course, it’s also useful. There are many options for massages and treatments.
What would you wish for people who are planning to explore Goa for the first time?
Masha: First, you need to decide, do you need it? Goa, after all, is India, with all its specifics. It’s definitely not worth going to Goa for a hotel holiday. If you decide that it is necessary, then you should remember a number of rules and follow them so that it does not cause excruciating pain.
1. Do not go beyond the beach area in a swimsuit. The sea, the pool, the water park - yes, but even in a beach restaurant it’s worth throwing something on yourself. An erotically minded blonde will gather around her a crowd of brave Indian guys with one remaining thought in her head, and will be known in the eyes of the local population as an easily accessible girl. And men walking the streets in swim shorts and bare torso look simply vulgar. Defiant appearance– this is one of the stumbling blocks that pits locals against tourists.
2. Do not drink raw tap water. Ice is made from this kind of water, so it’s better not to take risks. It is also better to brush your teeth with bottled water. The habit of water develops, but not immediately.
3. Do not swim far from the shore, and especially not swim at night - there are tidal waves and strong currents in the Arabian Sea. Even if you sail a seemingly ridiculous distance, you may not be able to row back.
4. Appear in the sun without protection against burns - the sun in Goa is bright and aggressive, unaccustomed skin burns instantly.
5. Do not show aggression towards the local population - a common way in Russia to sort things out with fists and strong words can end badly in Goa. It is enough to start arguing with one person for a crowd of his brothers, friends, grandfathers and great-nephews to immediately come running, who will not figure out who is right. But they will simply give a strong spanking with stones and metal rods (where do they get them from?) to the presumptuous tourist.
Vovka: Scooters and motorcycles are very popular in India. We ourselves ride a scooter and can’t imagine life without it. But driving in Goa requires some getting used to; you should think a hundred times before getting behind the wheel. Accidents in Goa happen regularly, although they mostly involve drunk people or at night. The owner of the vehicle will have to pay a decent amount for damage. To drive a scooter, you need an international category A license; if you don’t have one, the price is 500 rupees or whatever you agree.
We love India, we love Goa! And we will be very happy if we open the way to this magical place for someone!
Masha, Vovka and, of course, Tishka, thank you for the fascinating story. The world of Goa, like any other world, allows you to understand yourself and build your life in a new world according to your own rules. We like the world you chose. Good luck in your endeavors!
Friends, readers of our blog, if you have any questions about Goa, if you want to clarify information or get advice, visit the website www.pod-ryukzakom.ru and feel free to ask. Masha and Vovka will answer you.
Best regards, and
Mortal boredom in Bali, Vietnamese madness, Indian sandwich with ashes
What really happens to expats and downshifters? Asia also has problems, and the main one is not to go crazy.
For starters, the secret knowledge of expats. There is such a magical period - two months. It's time to get used to the new environment. It doesn’t matter whether it’s Bali, Moscow or just a new job. For the first two months, everything is interesting to you, you are full of energy and the desire to work hard, explore, and discover new things. Then comes a period of stability when you act more confidently. (It is no coincidence that the standard probation- three months). What then? Stability and habit turn into boredom. And from that moment on, the euphoria “Hurray, here is the sea and mango juice for 15 rubles!” gradually disappears from your life.
After six months in Asia, you'll be a little craving for your native dumplings. And in a year you will realize how much you have changed, and you are unlikely to like it.
The first part of the story about downshifting in Asia will talk about boredom:seasoned expats suffer from it in the terminal stage. Everything gets boring: the sun, travel, and even life itself.
It is not customary to talk about this side of the heavenly shores, so all our heroes are anonymous.
Bali: psychosis and mold
E., 27 years old: “For a year and a half in Bali, I discovered the joys of migraines, chronic depression and family fights. At first everything was great: we found ourselves in the company of good friends, traveled around the island, lived in a villa with a pool. And after three months I noticed that we were becoming moldy. Literally. In humid climate mold gets everywhere: it is on the walls of houses, on things in the closet and even on the body - in the form of small light spots of untanned skin. It was as if she had penetrated our brains. We have lost the habit of controlling ourselves. Communication with friends turned into endless drinking sessions, and relationships into endless quarrels. In Moscow, we resolved everything peacefully, but here there were screams, tears, snot, and once I even blackened my husband’s eye and tried to stab him with a sandwich knife. Everyone knew about it, but no one was surprised: others had had worse experiences. I was tormented by the lack of work, but I didn’t have the strength to do anything, I was too used to relaxing. For this I began to hate myself: I started getting migraines, which I had never experienced in my life. I often cried for no apparent reason and could not stop. Almost every evening we returned home drunk on our bikes. Once my husband’s motorcycle flew into a deep ravine, he miraculously survived, but still continued to ride and fight. It was necessary to carry away the legs while they were still intact. We returned to Moscow, and life gradually returned to normal.”
Vietnam: hang yourself
out of boredom
R., 29 years old: “One of our Vietnamese crowd hanged himself. I had just arrived in Mui Ne and hardly knew him. Over time, I began to understand the guy. Mui Ne is a small town on the seashore, along the beach there are cafes, villas and guest houses, only about five kilometers away. Entertainment includes kite surfing and alcohol. You can’t even go anywhere in particular - everything is too far away. We didn't kite, but we felt great: we had a party of friends. Every evening we gathered at someone's house. Beer for half a dollar, a liter of rum for 5 bucks: drunks can at least get drunk. My girlfriend didn't like us drinking and smoking all the time. “You do this because you are very unhappy people,” she said. And I answered: “On the contrary, we are very happy that we can afford it.” For the sake of money, I made websites as a freelancer, but for my soul I took photographs and DJed. But about six months later, a turning point occurred: the morning after the party, I suddenly realized that I really didn’t like filming and making mixes. All that matters to me is that I be praised for it. Everything made no sense: the expat depression got to me. I put down my camera and canceled the parties. When friends started leaving, it became very sad, as if the shift in the pioneer camp was ending and the good things that happened would never happen again. But I couldn’t admit that I also wanted to leave, I couldn’t believe that I didn’t like it here anymore. Then I finally went to work in Moscow, confident that I would return here as soon as I could. And only on the plane I realized that I never, ever want to come back here again.”
“Downshifter problems seem to be caused by three main reasons.
The first and most important- Many of them lack constant and reliable income, work according to their abilities and specialty, which does not make it possible to feel confident in the future, in demand and self-realization.
Second- reflexive rejection of an alien culture, the desire to live one’s own spiritual life in a closed community, which quickly leads to a feeling of isolation.
And the third reason- loss of sense of time associated with absence permanent job and a lack of time-structuring responsibilities. A city dweller does not question his daily routine: he has to get up in the morning, go to work or study, and carry out daily tasks, which are sometimes difficult and unpleasant. All this is done through I don’t want, automatically. Expats, on the other hand, live in conditions of absolute freedom and every day they have to figure out what to do with themselves.
The best way to maintain mental health in such a situation is to set yourself a daily routine, make a list of daily tasks and strictly follow it. It is no coincidence that of all expats, those who play sports feel the best. They have a certain time when they go to sea, they have restrictions due to sports: do not drink, keep themselves in shape, there is a clearly divided time for exercise and time for rest. Besides, physical activity promotes the production of endorphins, mediators of joy, which helps relieve blues and apathy.”
Psychologist's comment
Elena Pronina,
Doctor of Philological Sciences, Candidate of Psychological Sciences, Professor of the Department of Practical Psychology at the Moscow Institute of Open Education:
Around the world: no more traveling
L., 26 years old: “Travel got me. Over the course of several years, my boyfriend and I traveled all over Asia, India and South America. We were backpackers: we came to the country and explored it, city by city. Then they crossed the border and moved to the next one. At first it seemed the most wonderful life in the world, but when we were in India, I realized that we were not traveling, but moving. We never stayed anywhere for more than a day: buy bus tickets, find tolerable food, spend the night in the cheapest hostel and quickly move on. I don’t remember which city it was, but we met some friends there. They immediately began offering us activities: to see the cannons in the old English port, to climb some mountain, and so on. But why? I saw a bunch of different old buildings, climbed volcanoes in South America and saw waterfalls - all this was no longer interesting. So we went straight to the station, got our tickets and went to the next boring town. Right now I just want a place to call home, somewhere warm country. I rent a villa in Bali and live in it with my cat. No rush, no smelly buses, no terrible food from a roadside vomit stand, no shelters with cockroaches.”
India: crematorium discounts
F., 27 years old: “In India, I was bitten by a cobra and almost killed best friend and every day I ate food dusted with ash human bodies. Before that, I traveled almost all of Asia - lived in Thailand, the Philippines and the Himalayas. I got tired of all this, and I was drawn to extreme sports. I was told that there is a special place in India where people go crazy in one week. Varanasi is the crematorium city of a vast country. They come here to die. If you are burned at one of the bonfires in the giant pits (ghats) on the banks of the Ganges, this is a super bonus for karma. A set of funeral services can be purchased in advance: discounts for living clients. The city attracts not only Indians: there are many Europeans, Americans, and Russians here. But only real psychos linger - there is too much dirt and infection, everything is covered with greasy ashes from funeral pyres. By some miracle I avoided many dangers.
Svetlana and Artem were an ordinary Moscow young family: he was a middle-level manager, she was an accountant in a small company, they lived in a one-room apartment in the Taganka area, received a “market average” salary, took out loans for a car and another consumer loan for apartment renovations. “We had to live just to pay the bills: rent, loan payments, car maintenance and a vacation once a year if there was enough money. We lived from paycheck to paycheck for months and years, calculated the family budget, stood in traffic jams, crowded in the subway,” recalls Svetlana. — In principle, hundreds, thousands and even millions of people live according to a similar scheme. What was most depressing was that we didn’t see any special prospects.”No dramatic career growth was expected. The couple tried to open a company, but soon came to the conclusion that in Russia it is even harder to be an entrepreneur than an employee. “In the end, we decided to leave Russia to the other side of the world - to New Zealand. We settled all the formalities, sold the apartment and all our property and flew away with two suitcases light,” says Svetlana. The couple has now been living in New Zealand for five years. With the money raised from the sale of the apartment, they bought a decent house in the picturesque outskirts of Tauranga. “From our windows we can see the Pacific Ocean and at night we hear its noise,” says Svetlana. She doesn’t work, runs a household, and Artem, using his website and social networks, finds tourists who want to visit New Zealand, helps them buy tickets, rent accommodation and provides guide services. “We are not rich, we still don’t have a lot of money, but what my husband earns is enough for us to live a modest but fulfilling life. We live freely, we don’t owe anyone anything. We have our own farm: a garden where I plant vegetables, several fruit trees, chickens. So if there is no work, we will not starve. Our life today cannot even be closely compared with the previous one: we lived in hell, and now we are in heaven,” says Svetlana.
“In the city, being in a rhythm imposed from the outside, people often suffer from the fact that there is no time for what they like and what they have always dreamed of doing. Of course, in such cases you can overcome your “family” depression without resorting to such emergency measures as leaving for the other side of the Earth, but in the end they did the right thing: the changes are for the better for them, they like it, which means they did everything right .
Although, maybe someone will read this story and think that life there is not at all cloudless, it all depends on how you look at this situation. But a combination of factors definitely speaks in favor of their move.
If we talk about the risks that may lie in wait for Svetlana and Artem in their new life, then they are the same as if they lived in Moscow or any other place. The main thing is how the person himself feels about these risks and whether he is afraid of them. We need to understand that we come into this world naked and leave naked. Everything that is purchased will be given away.”
"I can't sit around all day"
When Olga married a musician, she understood that she was dealing with a creative and emotional person. She, an economist by training, saw life in a slightly different light and was more pragmatic, but at first this did not interfere with family life. However, a year ago, the cheerful and carefree musician husband seemed to be replaced. “He became withdrawn, constantly thinking intently about something,” Olga recalls. As a result, Yegor told his wife that he could no longer live in “crazy” Moscow.“He said something about giving up other people’s goals, that he wanted to go to Goa and engage in spiritual self-improvement there. He presented me with a fact: either you go with me, or I go alone. He didn’t want to make any compromises.” As a result, Olga succumbed to her husband’s persuasion, quit her favorite job, the couple quickly rented out an apartment near a park in the Voikovskaya metro area and left for the Indian Ocean coast, where they have been living for a year.
Egor is happy with everything, but Olga, who initially did not want to lead such a “vegetable” lifestyle, finds such a life very burdensome. “The money we receive from renting out an apartment is enough for us not to deny ourselves anything. We rent a beautiful two-story house on the ocean, there is luxurious nature all around, but I can’t idle all day, I’m literally going crazy from it. I miss my family, my friends, I dream about Moscow traffic jams and frosts,” says Olga. Yegor refuses her entreaties to return back to Moscow, because he likes everything: he does yoga, reads, plays the guitar, he has found like-minded musicians, and they write music together. Olga doesn’t know what to do: on the one hand, she loves her husband and would not want to lose him, but on the other hand, she is burdened by this lifestyle and wants to return home.
Psychologists Dmitry Ershov and Elena Bakhareva comment:
“Olga loves her husband, and women are ready to make concessions in the name of love - right or wrong, but she could not do otherwise in this situation. Now they need to think together about how to save their family and their relationships: someone has to compromise. There are no easy solutions here. Olga can try to return to Moscow for a while and make a decision. Maybe she just forgot what it was like?
In fact, doing nothing is a relative value. She has the same choice of activities as in Russia, and she herself can choose what to do in this new life here and now. For now, idleness is her choice. If you don’t like it, let him do something: work in charitable organizations, study local culture, juggling, music, drawing, raising children in the end. Maybe the time has come to think about it? By the way, supporting her husband in his creativity is a worthy thing for a good wife of a creative person.”
"I'm just tired"
Vladislav has always been lucky in his career. The talented architect trained in London, very quickly settled into the market and began earning decent money. Soon he created his own company, and by and large his family did not experience problems. “We could afford to fly to Europe for the weekend, vacation several times a year at expensive resorts, and bought a penthouse in an elite residential complex. I could consider myself a successful person,” says Vladislav. However, at some point he began to feel burdened by his usual way of life. "I'm just tired. I’m tired of the endless negotiations, the constant rush, the constant feeling that you’re late for something, that you need to hurry, run.”To the surprise of friends and relatives, a year ago Vladislav bought ten hectares of land in the Karelian wilderness and moved there with his family for permanent residence. Now they have a small farm, a farm and a large two-story log house. The family is engaged in subsistence farming, Vladislav takes the children to the village school, and at home his wife teaches them English and music.
But if at first the settlers enjoyed nature and tranquility, now Vladislav began to doubt whether he had made the right decision. “More and more often it seems to me that I got carried away, and sometimes I even regret that I acted so rashly. The business can no longer be returned, and after living on a farm, I’m afraid that I’ve lost my grip. I blame myself more and more for making the wrong decision. Although now I’m no longer sure of anything: what if, when we return to the city and I rebuild my life, I’ll want to go into the wilderness again?” the newly-minted farmer doubts. Vladislav is trying to understand himself and understand what he is really looking for (peace or dynamic city life and business success), but so far he cannot unequivocally answer this question.
Psychologists Dmitry Ershov and Elena Bakhareva comment:
“Successful and wealthy people rush into the arms of downshifting, because success is often just the tip of the iceberg, and under the water there is high dedication and difficult difficult decisions that change a person, and he feels that it is not for the better. Constant tension and the feeling of life passing by is what pushes people to take such steps.
The example is not very typical in the sense that such a step might be more likely to be taken by a person who is not as creative as Vladislav. Creative, successful people, as a rule, find it easier to find a flexible way of self-realization without downshifting. One of the reasons for this relocation may be that in fact Vladislav learned to earn money, but never learned to Create. There are no right or wrong decisions in such cases. He could live his life differently, but he lives like this. Not better or worse, just different. Active people who make difficult decisions and change their lives sooner or later get bored with this new life, and negative emotions from their past life are erased and reflection appears. What is gone cannot be returned, so Vladislav can only appreciate what he has gained. Let him try to find a compromise so that he can do business and live in nature away from everyone. Modern technologies can allow this.”
“Somehow it all started spinning and spinning”
Leaving for the ocean in India, Dmitry did not even think that his journey would last for seven whole months. He expected to live for a month, take a break from the bustle of the city and then return to work with renewed vigor. “Somehow everything started spinning and spinning. I met some guys there who had been living on the ocean coast for several years. I bought an inexpensive motorcycle, and we drove along the ocean coast, staying overnight in real villages, in small hotels, and lived at a temple for a long time. Time passed: a month passed, then another. I didn’t want to come back at all, and I kept telling myself “in a week” and stayed again,” says Dmitry. In the first month of his free life, he lost four kilograms, another five kilograms flew off over the next two months. “I think it’s because we were constantly moving, doing yoga, eating healthy, natural food,” he says.Alas, money tends to run out: no matter how hard Dmitry tried to save, after seven months the cash ran out, there was no local source of income, and he was forced to return to Moscow. “I bought a ticket with my last money, arrived and realized that I couldn’t live here, I couldn’t see these crowds of people with inscrutable faces who were constantly rushing somewhere,” says Dmitry about his feelings from Moscow. Dmitry is an interior designer by profession. Before he left, he made good money and had a solid clientele, but four months have passed since his arrival, and he still cannot start working and get involved in reality. “I began to feel some kind of depression, a longing for freedom. I feel like I'm in a cage, but I can't do anything. It seems like there is no way out, and that’s what scares us the most,” the designer complains.
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