Midlife crisis: how it happens in women. How to overcome a midlife crisis in women: symptoms and solutions to the problem

"Midlife is a period of profound psychological transformation"— M. Stein.

The main developmental dilemma in the middle-aged adult, according to Erik Erikson, is the dilemma of restlessness. Restlessness in Erikson's theory is a very broad concept, covering both parental relationship- the birth of children and their upbringing, and most of what is meant when talking about “productivity” or “creativity” is competence in a particular area, the ability to contribute to it. Restlessness is thus a concept close to self-actualization, which Abraham Maslow defines as a person’s desire to become the best person possible. In their chosen profession, people strive to do their best and improve enough to achieve top level competences of which they are capable. People strive to be loyal friends, engaged citizens, worthy partners. They work to develop their strengths and, where possible, eliminate their shortcomings in order to become as perfect as possible. Also, the concept of restlessness is closely intertwined with the archetype of “self”, which was introduced by Carl Jung. And it is precisely the restlessness of a person as a result of the inability to achieve “selfhood” and self-actualization that is a manifestation of a midlife crisis. According to M. Stein’s definition, the most persistent problems during this period are such fundamental problems of individual development and personal reflection as a feeling of attachment to other people, the experience of their loss, a sense of self-identity, hope and despair. A person's fundamental integrity is often tested almost to the point of breaking. Anyone who survives this difficult journey and sets out on a calm sea never remains the same. The midlife crisis breaks some, while it makes others whole. Out of crisis comes a deeper form of wholeness than ever imagined.

Erikson's theory focuses on childhood developmental stages; its discussion of middle age is brief and couched in very general terms. Theorists who have focused on middle age have attempted to elaborate on some of the problems of this age by describing larger number important issues and defining a greater number of stages. It is important to note that these stages were developed almost exclusively from studies of middle-class white people. A classic example of this is Levinson's periodization of life. Moreover, I would like to note that the overwhelming number of works devoted to the midlife crisis are devoted to the consideration of this problem in men. Apparently, this is due to the fact that in the past it was men who pursued a career, provided for loved ones, spent more time in the company of other people and, accordingly, the manifestations of a midlife crisis were noticed and described precisely by their example. Whereas women, being often limited in communication to a fairly narrow circle of people and not showing their mental suffering in front of strangers, did not attract such close attention researchers of the problem we are considering. But the female midlife crisis is no less, and sometimes even more acute, problem, requiring long, thorough and attentive work, both by the psychologist and the client herself.

However, before we turn in more detail to the problem of midlife crisis in women, let us consider the manifestations of this problem, which are almost the same in people of both sexes. The most important point mental development, relating to the midlife crisis, is associated with a fundamental change in attitude - from Ego identity to Self identity. If this transformation is unsuccessful, the second half of life will be permeated with feelings of dissatisfaction and bitterness, a sense of death inner meaning(neurosis). A positive outcome of the midlife crisis promises good prospects for the growth of creative potential, gaining wisdom, and a correct and holistic understanding of oneself in old age. Psychologists describe the path to overcoming the midlife crisis in different ways, but in general, many agree with the periodization of this crisis proposed by Stein. He identifies three stages in the midlife transformation process:

1. The first stage is associated with irretrievable loss and requires parting with the past - past dreams, myths, ideals, illusions. They must be mourned and buried.
2. After this, a period of “suspense” and uncertainty begins: many questions arise, the main one of which is the question of one’s previous identity and understanding of oneself. This critical stage is called liminality. It is important to note that the period of liminality is not ending soon. An attempt to prematurely end this period leads to the cessation of the realization of creative potential, jeopardizing its existence and the transition to the next stage of life. During this period, the formation of a new world takes place, and this requires time.
3. And finally, in the third stage, it is born new personality, and she also needs time to show her characteristics and find a stable position in life. I would like to note that it is not possible to accurately identify the boundaries of these stages; one smoothly passes into the other, and in some cases they are repeated through incomplete or ineffective experience of the midlife crisis.

In the period between thirty and forty years (it should immediately be noted that this gradation by age is quite arbitrary and inaccurate, and according to domestic psychologists for residents of Russia the numbers are even more different), many come to reassess their previous choices of a spouse, career, and life goals. Sometimes it comes to divorce and changing professions. Also, the first years after thirty are, as a rule, a time of coming to terms with new or newly confirmed elections and life goals. The most noticeable and potentially valuable symptom in midlife is internal conflict. "Absolutely unbearable internal discord, writes Jung, is proof of your authentic life. Life without internal contradictions is either only half of life, or life in the Beyond, which only angels live.". Midlife transformation is key point in the transition from the first half of life to the second. It reflects not only the crisis of the Ego, but also the possibility of the emergence of an individual personality, the birth of a new personal center in consciousness - the Self. What takes root in personal history during this period will bear psychological fruit throughout the individual’s subsequent life.

There are several enough typical descriptions problems collected by researchers of the described problem, which are cited by people during a midlife crisis:

1. A person understands that he has already achieved what he wanted, that this is the maximum, there is nowhere else to strive;
2. Instead of reaching the peak, a person finds a plateau where only part of what was planned was realized. For example, a career, a smart child, and divorced husband/wife. Or, husband/wife, children, interesting job, where you are valued, but you have a rented apartment and always barely have enough money until payday. Or money, career, Perfect marriage, but there are no children, and it is no longer healthy to give birth;
3. It happens that a midlife crisis begins when something happens in life. For example, instead of a high position, which you have been striving for for a long time, there is a collapse of your career or an irreparable and untimely loss.
4. It may be that, postponing everything for later, a person notices that others have long overtaken him, and he is unlikely to have time to make up for the lost time of his life.

This period of life is also called the “decade of doom” and the “midlife crisis.” His main characteristic is the awareness of the discrepancy between a person’s dreams and life goals and the reality of his existence. Since human dreams almost always have some unrealistic features, sometimes even fantastic, the assessment of their discrepancy with reality during this period is colored, as a rule, in negative and emotionally painful tones. Time is running out in order to reveal the gap between dreams and reality quite clearly, sharply and painfully for a person. Quite often during this period a person feels a feeling of emptiness and a lack of meaning in life. Most scientists note some characteristic features of this period:

• long-term moods of apathy and depression, feelings of disillusionment and disappointment either in life in general or in certain people, which were previously idealized;
• the dreams of youth disappear or are rudely destroyed;
• Anxiety about death creeps into the soul, and people often say that their life will end before they can “really live.”

Liberation from illusions, which is not unusual at 35 or 40 years of age, can be threatening to the individual. Dante described his own confusion at the beginning of the decade of fate: "Earthly life having walked halfway, I found myself in dark forest, the right path has been lost in the darkness of the valley."

Often these changes relate to the intensity of work: for example, brilliant impulsiveness and creativity gushing with new ideas gives way to a more mature and sometimes quite conservative approach to business. This is often due to a decrease in a person’s physical strength at this age, restructuring hormonal system and the resulting requirement of the body for more careful attitude to myself and correct assessment your physical and emotional resources. Indeed, one of the reasons for the midlife crisis is that the “impulsive brilliance” of youth requires great vitality. At least partly these are physical forces, but no one can maintain them indefinitely. At 35 or 40 years old, a person leading a busy life must change the pace of his life and not “exert himself” so much. Thus, the problem of diminishing physical strength inevitably arises in the life of a person of any profession.

Main problems

Decrease in physical strength and attractiveness- one of the many problems that a person faces during the midlife crisis and after it. For those who relied on their physical attributes when they were younger, middle age can be a period of severe depression. Stories handsome men and charming women fighting the ravages of time have become commonplace. Disaster declining physical strength affects people in an unexpectedly wide range of professions. Many people remember with regret their ability to spend student years several days without sleep, if an important matter required it. Many people simply complain that they start to get tired too often. Although a well-designed daily exercise program and an appropriate diet work, most people in middle age begin to rely more and more on their “brains” rather than their “brawn.” They find new advantages in knowledge that accumulates life experience; they gain wisdom.

Second main question middle age is sexuality. The average person exhibits some variation in interests, abilities and opportunities, especially as children grow older. Many people are amazed at how big a role sexuality played in their relationships when they were younger. On the other hand, we can see many examples of how a middle-aged man or woman continues to consider every person of the opposite sex as a potential sexual partner, interacting with him only in one dimension - “attraction-repulsion”, and people of the same sex are considered as "rivals". In more successful cases of maturity, other people are accepted as individuals, as potential friends. “Socialization” replaces “sexualization” in relationships with people, and these relationships often take on “that depth of mutual understanding that the previous, more egocentric sexual attitude blocked to a certain extent”(Pitch).

Consent in midlife requires considerable flexibility. One important type of flexibility includes "the ability to vary emotional investment from person to person and from activity to activity". Emotional flexibility is necessary, of course, at any age, but in middle age it becomes especially important as parents die and children grow up and leave home. The inability to engage emotionally with new people and new activities leads to the kind of stagnation that Erickson described. By stagnation, Erikson understood a state when a person stops growing and enriching himself and accepts the current reality as a given, which cannot be changed. In its most severe forms, stagnation manifests itself not only in humility before reality, but also in constant self-indulgence in everything. A person perceives himself as small child who needs to be constantly pampered and comes to a feeling of complete inner emptiness.

Another type of flexibility that is also necessary for successful maturity is “spiritual flexibility.” Among people mature age there is a certain tendency towards increasing rigidity in their views and actions, towards making their minds closed to new ideas. This mental rigidity must be overcome or it will develop into intolerance or bigotry. In addition, rigid attitudes lead to mistakes and an inability to perceive creative solutions problems.

Stabilization

Successful resolution of a midlife crisis usually involves a reformulation of goals within the framework of a more realistic and restrained point of view, an awareness of the limited time of every person's life. The spouse, friends and children become increasingly important, while the self is increasingly deprived of its exclusive position (Gould). There is an increasing tendency to be content with what we have and to think less about things that we will most likely never achieve. There is a clear tendency to feel one's own situation is quite satisfactory. All these changes mark the next stage of personality development, a period of “new stability” (Gould). The period of destructuring and separation is left behind: the general disintegration of the Persona and identity, consciously supported and approved value priorities, self-images, dreams of the future, ideals. All this is put aside, and the liberation of the soul that resided in them opens the gate to the realm of psychological "swimming." Now an unknown, unclear path opens up before a person: he can no longer be guided by collective values, the ideals of his youth, or his old habits; he is overcome by an uneasy feeling of uncertainty in which direction he should go. A person in confusion and anxiety stands at some internal crossroads. The psychological functions and attitudes that may have guided us in the past now seem unconvincing.

For many, the process of renewal that begins when they face their illusions and physical decline ultimately leads them to a calmer and even happier life. D. Hollis very interestingly and at the same time accurately and briefly defined the need for such an update: “If a person’s development is hampered by the previous value system, which deprives him of his strength, then this value system should be suffered, included in one’s conscious choice and lived.”

Now let us turn directly to the issue of midlife crisis in women (the definition was introduced into psychology by Eliot Jacques). Let's consider the most common manifestations of this period of life among representatives of the fair sex.

Midlife crisis in women

It turns out that for men and women the concept of “middle age” in relation to the crisis we are all familiar with can be different. For women, the most critical age point occurs around 30-35 years, and for men - at 40-45. Therefore, sometimes scientists distinguish two midlife crises - the thirty-year-old and the forty-year-old - the first can also occur in men, but more often manifests itself in women, and the second, on the contrary, is more characteristic of men, but can also be found in women.

The reasons for this age difference between the sexes lie in the biological differences between the male and female bodies, and, accordingly, in the social norms formed on this basis.

1. The reproductive age of a woman is much shorter than that of a man. For this reason, both hormonal changes in the body and social conditions contribute to the collection of psychological states. You need to get married and have your first child before the age of 30, and plan your second one before the age of 40. For a man, this kind of framework is not physiologically determined and is not tied to social norms.
2. At 30-35 years old, a woman can feel the fading of her youth, attractiveness, and beauty. A man, on the contrary, is able to feel the flourishing of his masculine strength, masculinity and attractiveness.

There are women who are more family-oriented, and there are those for whom, like men, the main thing is career, and family is important, but in second place after work.

For women who are busy with husbands and children, as a rule, the family is a meaning-forming element; through children they find the meaning of their lives. Simply put, they have no time and no need to set goals and objectives. Getting ready for school, studying, getting married, raising grandchildren - tasks and goals find them themselves, and the midlife crisis passes unnoticed. But if such a woman’s children and husband are taken away (children have grown up and moved away, divorce from her husband, untimely death of a child or husband), then the crisis passes through like a difficult grieving process, and often you cannot get through it without the help of a specialist. For example, a woman who was initially career-oriented by her character and life aspirations, but was unable to realize herself due to the birth and upbringing of children, begins to experience problems with self-esteem, comparing herself with friends who were able to make a career and realize themselves in professionally. Seeing that by the age of 30, her peers occupy important positions, lead an intense life, go on vacation abroad, they have a certain reputation, they are seen as someone more than just a woman.

In this version of the crisis, it is necessary to help the woman think about changing her life, decide to make changes. The children have already become a little more independent (at least they have gone to school), which means you can devote time to your personal growth. Find a job, sign up for advanced training courses, start learning a foreign language. Setting new goals is the best way out of the crisis.

If both work and family are important to a woman, then such a woman in the middle of her life evaluates herself on two counts, and, of course, is more critical of herself, because It is difficult to be an equally good specialist and a good mother and wife. Such a woman has a higher standard that she sets for herself, and therefore she experiences a midlife crisis violently and painfully.

The most difficult version of the midlife crisis is usually experienced by women who do not have children. Children, especially for women, are an important confirmation that one has not lived one’s life in vain. Children can also justify some “shortcomings”, for example, not finishing college, because... a child appeared, recovered after childbirth, etc. If there are no children, then the question always arises: for what did you live half your life, and for what should you live next? So, businesswoman, who fought on corporate fronts throughout her youth, built her career, achieved professional victories, and pushed the issue of having a child into the background. And for such a woman, the crisis is expressed in the fact that she begins to compare herself with her peers who have already realized themselves in motherhood. By the age of 33-35, many women have already given birth to one, or even two, or three children. And woke up maternal instinct, the desire to give birth to a woman who is passionately engaged only in her career becomes the cause of serious mental discord. She begins to understand that the years go by, but there is no child. And for a woman this is the most important thing.

In this case, nature itself reminds her of a natural process for her - the birth of a child. By switching her life to solving this issue and becoming a mother, a woman will be able to overcome her personal crisis.

Rarely, but there is another option. There are women in whom the maternal instinct has never developed, and yet they are completely devoted to work and career. In this case, their midlife crisis is not much different from a man's. Unless they go on dizzying sprees, as men do, because they see the main reason for their failures as a loved one, their wife.

Here the psychologist recommends trying to diversify your life, acquiring new hobbies - yoga, dancing, a macrame group - whatever, the main thing is that they help you distract yourself and get through a time of crisis easier. Also, you should not cool down your work ardor, because it is at this age that appointments to important positions and positions most often occur. And don't forget about a positive attitude.

Let's summarize. Which women experience a particularly acute midlife crisis?

• Women who do not have children.
• Women who have untimely lost their children or husband.
• Self-critical, demanding women.
• Single women, because We find the meaning of our lives through other people. Not in other people, no, but through other people. Lonely people find themselves without support during a crisis.
• Those women who separated from their parents late experienced the teenage crisis late and did not have time to realize their own goals and dreams.

• A woman suddenly becomes overly irritable, begins to do everything the opposite, stops listening to loved ones and relatives, neglects relationships with friends;
• A woman who led an active lifestyle suddenly becomes depressed, showing apathy and laziness. She stops doing basic and usual things;
• There are sudden mood swings. Energy and cheerfulness are instantly replaced by disappointment;
• The woman has the feeling that she has little time left, that she has lived more than she has left to live. A woman begins to evaluate her goals and achievements, life plans;
• The woman becomes dissatisfied, she stops liking her job, she is annoyed by her family and partner;
• A woman may leave her partner for a wealthier man in order to feel social and moral stability;
• A woman wants to feel younger, so she starts wearing youthful clothes, gets a youthful haircut, starts having fun like a youth, her habits and tastes may change;
• The woman begins to feel that her attractiveness is disappearing, and she experiences changes in sexual activity;
• During this period, problems with alcohol may arise.

1. In the first place, according to many psychologists, is the advice not to bring yourself to the point of chronic fatigue syndrome and overwork, since in such a state a midlife crisis certainly cannot be avoided. After all, irritability and fatigue are often its companions. Therefore, you should try to rest and relax more often. It's better if it's with the help active rest. Trips to nature with the whole family or hiking, etc.
2. The second recommendation is that if you still don’t have a hobby, find one. Meet new people with whom you have similar interests, spend more time with friends, do what you love. Try changing your usual lifestyle.
3. Third, analyze your attitude towards work. Do you like what you have to do? Do you receive a return from your work, both materially and in moral satisfaction? Does your work benefit anyone? How well do you cope with the assigned tasks? If the answers are mostly negative, think about it: maybe it’s time to find a more suitable option for yourself?
4. Another recommendation is to try not to spoil relationships with your loved ones and family. After all, only they can always support difficult situation. Build trusting relationships with children, devote more time to your spouse, and take care of your parents.
5. Another piece of advice: don’t idealize yourself, you need to look at things realistically. This helps a person understand himself faster. According to psychologists, it is better to admit to yourself some mistakes and mistakes that were made in the process of life, try to correct them, than to keep silent about these situations and pretend that everything is fine.

Often a midlife crisis is accompanied by a fear of imminent old age, a fear of becoming frail and useless to anyone. In this case it is worth remembering famous people who, at a fairly advanced age, continued their active work, wrote books, paintings, etc. So life goes on, don't be afraid!

Oddly enough, but for a long time it was believed that the midlife crisis is an exclusively male problem. But women only experience menopause. But no one took into account that changes in a woman’s internal state begin much earlier – after the age of 40. Based on this, a theory was developed that women also suffer from a midlife crisis.

What is a woman's midlife crisis?

A woman's midlife crisis is characterized by a loss of meaning in her life, which leads to personality changes, dissatisfaction and depressive state. The main cause of the crisis is considered to be a revaluation of values, since certain experience has been accumulated over the past years. In this regard, outlook on life changes.

Unlike men, women have a much harder time surviving this condition, which is why no one takes this crisis seriously. Usually, by the age of 40, children grow up and begin to live an independent life; parents are no longer interested in this. And husbands perceive their wife’s psychological changes as ordinary whim or grumpiness. So women have to cope with this disease on their own.

Features of the crisis

Every woman experiences a midlife crisis differently. Because life priorities influence this. For example, if a woman devoted her entire youth to children, then as they grow up they cease to need care, as a result of which the mother feels unclaimed and begins to suffer. But the grandchildren will help speed up the end of the crisis, because the woman will feel needed again. The crisis is especially difficult for those who did not have time to have children. Thoughts begin to creep into women’s heads that their lives have been lived in vain, that no one needs them and that they will remain in splendid isolation in their old age. Especially if women do not have a husband.

Symptoms of a midlife crisis

Symptoms in women experiencing a midlife crisis may not appear immediately. It is very ambiguous, as it depends on the character of the person. One representative of the fairer sex may be capricious and cry, while the other, on the contrary, may show aggression. For this reason, all signs of crisis that are characteristic of women should be considered:

• Some women begin an active fight against aging. They use expensive creams, make masks too often, visit cosmetologists and even decide to plastic surgery. This is due to the fact that a woman develops depression, since against the background young girls she doesn't look so beautiful and charming. The fact is that during a midlife crisis (MAC), if it has developed due to aging, the woman is not able to realize that age-related changes– this is normal.
• Behavior changes. Instead of behaving according to her age category, a woman begins to wear sexy and revealing clothes, trying to keep attention on herself.
• Some representatives of the fair sex completely change their social circle to a younger crowd.
• A woman can speak the slang of youth and even take a lover much younger than her.
• After living with her husband for many years, a woman may suddenly realize that he is not destined for her and file for divorce.
• A woman can radically change her life - find a new job, take training courses, change her place of residence, etc.
• They begin to be active - playing sports, tourism, and generally living “to the fullest.”
• Aggression or tearfulness may appear.
• A woman stops thinking about tomorrow and making plans for the future, believing that her time has passed.
• Some individuals decide to have one more child and it doesn’t matter to them what others say.
• And other women begin to actively attribute non-existent problems and diseases to themselves.

The main reasons for the development of the crisis

All reasons for the development of a midlife crisis in women are associated with psychology, physiology and life circumstances. There are several of them:

1. At one “wonderful” moment, the woman realizes that the children no longer need her. Especially if children get married or go to study in another city. And this indicates the onset of old age, which cannot but depress. As a result of this, she is forced to change her usual way of life.
2. The realization that a woman may not have time to realize all her ideas and plans, because old age is approaching.
3. Due to age, responsibility towards all family members increases, which does not provide the opportunity to pursue one’s hobbies.
4. The absence of children or a husband develops a midlife crisis. The woman regrets that she was unable to give birth to a child, keep her husband, etc., and now it is impossible to do this.
5. Any woman dreams of a young partner. If it appears after 40 years, then others perceive this fact negatively. The woman realizes this and develops a feeling of shame, and then depression.
6. It also happens that the cause of SWR is satisfaction from all one’s desires. This leads to the fact that a woman understands: everything in life has been achieved, there is nothing to strive for.
7. Lack of energy and strength, frequent fatigue. This reason is present mainly among active women who are accustomed to doing several things at once, participating in the life of the work team, and generally solving many problems in a day. Due to age-related changes in a person’s body, a person’s performance decreases, which leads to a midlife crisis.
8. Changes in appearance play the most important role for the development of depression.
9. Hormonal imbalance causes the body's metabolism to slow down, which leads to a rapid gain of extra pounds. Plus, losing excess weight becomes more problematic.

How to overcome a midlife crisis for a woman

Choosing a method to overcome the midlife crisis in everyone special case individual. Because it depends on the cause of the problem and the symptoms that appear. For example, if SWR is accompanied by increased aggressiveness, then the woman is recommended to take sedatives ( sedatives). If, on the contrary, you experience tearfulness and despondency, you need to eat foods that promote the production of the joy hormone. In this case, the abundance of fresh vegetables, fruits and berries on the table helps a lot. Other methods of overcoming a crisis:

1. If the reason is separation from your husband, do not be upset and believe that fate has prepared for you a more reliable person, on whose shoulder you can lean in old age.
2. As children grow up, do not give up, because at any age they need maternal care and guardianship. It just seems that they no longer need their mother. In fact, it is at a young and slightly older age that children consciously approach their mother’s love. So just sit down and talk to your older child. As a last resort, you can take care of your neighbor's children or orphans. Many psychologists even recommend being happy that children are now living separately. Because you will have a lot of time for personal needs. What can we say about the opportunity to renew a romantic relationship with your own husband!
3. You definitely need to part with the past and understand that every age has its own charms. Of course, youth cannot be returned, but you have a lot of experience behind you and have gained wisdom. This fact puts you above any young beauty. It is very important to accept your changed body – wrinkles, cellulite and other changes. Understand that this body has served you for over 40 years, so it deserves your respect. You can have plastic surgery, but is it really necessary? Love yourself for who you are. If you cannot do this on your own, seek help from a psychologist, go to training, read the relevant literature.
4. Believe in a wonderful future, because at any age a person can experience moments of happiness. Think about the fact that when you retire, you will be able to manage your time only as you see fit. You will have the opportunity to visit distant relatives, visit museums and theaters, go to meetings with friends, and go on vacation.
5. Now you can rightfully consider yourself as a mentor to the younger generation. Whether it's family or work. In any case, they will listen to you and even ask for advice, as from a wiser and more experienced person.
6. Eventually, you will be able to behave naturally in any society. This will give you optimism.
7. Find yourself a new hobby or interest, thanks to which you will not have time for sad thoughts about your own fate and age.
8. Get plenty of rest, go for walks in the fresh air, and, if necessary, take medications to improve your body’s condition. Thanks to this, you can avoid irritability and depression in general.
9. You need to continue to set goals and strive to achieve them. This way you won't lose your incentive to live.
10. There is no need to try to radically change your life, continue to live in your usual rhythm and never think about the bad.

How to prevent the development of a midlife crisis

No woman is immune from a midlife crisis, but some representatives of the fair sex still manage to avoid it. Because there are small tricks that you should not forget about:

1. The most important thing is to maintain a positive mood and attitude towards life at any age. Because this is the only way you can look at the world through rose-colored glasses. Enjoying every moment of life, you will have no time to pay attention to other little things.
2. Starting from the age of 30, make it a rule to develop healthy habits, because this will make it possible to maintain the necessary energy reserves, strength and normal metabolism for a long time. long years. That is, you will not feel tired ahead of time, you will not be depressed, and you will not gain extra pounds. To achieve this result, you need to give preference to proper nutrition and a healthy lifestyle. Don't stop playing sports even after 40.
3. Stay psychologically young. Namely, always remain young at heart.
4. Communicate more with positive people, relatives and friends. This will help build trust, so that when a crisis occurs, people will help and support you.
5. If you are often depressed throughout your life, be sure to visit a psychologist and sign up for trainings. Because without professional help, it will be difficult for you to avoid a midlife crisis.

Features of the crisis age at 50 years old

It turns out that if a woman did not have a turning point before the age of 50, then it can occur at this age. Only now the crisis manifests itself a little differently, since after 40 years enough years have passed, the woman no longer pays much attention to changes in appearance. Because she managed to get used to age-related changes. Consequently, the main reasons are physiology, that is, the onset of menopause. During this period, a woman may not control her serious actions, to the point that she will be capable of treason. Therefore, at this age it is extremely important to consult a psychologist.

If you cannot avoid a midlife crisis, you need to correctly set priorities and analyze all the circumstances that contribute to the aggravation of the problem. And remember that turning points can be turned in a different direction - change your life for the better, filling it with new meaning!

Hello, dear guests of my site! Today we will talk about a problem that almost all women face upon reaching a certain age.

It turns out that a psychological crisis can arise not only in adolescence or in, but also after crossing the 30-year mark.

So, let's look at the main symptoms of a midlife crisis in women after 30 years of age.

First you need to understand how such a crisis manifests itself. It happens at age 30 or starts a little later. Sometimes women become so immersed in problems that they no longer know how to overcome them on their own.

In such a situation, you may need the help of a specialist. Some suffer greatly, while for others it may go unnoticed.

Much depends on character traits and a certain life situation. As doctors' reviews confirm, this condition can also provoke the occurrence of various diseases.

These could be diseases of the digestive, cardiovascular or nervous system.
Many psychologists believe that the crisis manifests itself at the age of 30–40 years. It is important to pay attention to your internal state and not be afraid to face difficulties.

You can find out what psychology says about this. A crisis often occurs when the meaning of life is lost.

At the same time, a reassessment of values ​​occurs, much like in adolescence.

Causes of the crisis

To figure out what to do in a crisis situation, you need to understand the reasons for its occurrence.

Here's what can cause this problem:

1. Failures in your personal life. Many women who are not married before the age of 30 experience a drop in self-esteem, depression, and uncertainty about the future. Married people may also experience disappointment family life. At the same time, fatigue arises from constant worries. .
2. The first signs of aging appear. Symptoms may include: facial wrinkles, sagging skin and cellulite.
3. Career problems. If a lot has been placed on your career, then if there is no advancement in career ladder— a period of crisis begins.
4. Comparison with other people's achievements. If a woman failed, did not buy a good home and did not give birth to a child, in general, did not achieve something in life by the age of 30, then she may experience shame on an unconscious level. At the same time, friends who have achieved a lot can increase feelings of guilt.

The crisis can be felt and even very successful women. At the same time, an indifferent attitude towards previous successes arises.

How long this condition lasts depends on many reasons. Personal difficulties can become a very serious problem.

The following questions may arise:

1. Misunderstanding on the part of the beloved man.
2. Reluctance of the other half to have children.
3. Constant quarrels for various reasons.
4. Doubts about choosing a partner in life.

Signs of a crisis

How long a crisis might occur depends on many factors. In any case, you need to be able to determine it.
Here are the characteristic signs of an unpleasant condition:

1. The mood becomes too changeable.
2. Tension arises in relationships with others.
3. I want to move to another city or country, or even quit my job.
4. Reality no longer matches expectations. There is a feeling of unrealized potential.
5. Everything around me seems to have lost its meaning.
6. Constantly discovering new problems. In this case, the condition is accompanied by many negative emotions and a pessimistic view of what is happening.
7. Thoughts about old age arise. Turning thirty is perceived as the end of youth.
8. Birthdays no longer bring joy. And it becomes a sad date.
9. Desire to change. Thoughts arise about changing your appearance, moving to another place, changing jobs, or even getting divorced.
10. Disappointment in loved ones is accompanied by frequent scandals and insults.

Characterizing the symptoms will help you understand what is bothering you at one time or another. However, the symptoms do not appear all at once.

Usually one appears brightly, and the rest complement the condition. Even if at least a couple of signs are present, this is an alarming signal.

How to overcome the crisis

Let's look at how to survive an unpleasant period. Exist different views to the problem. Some experts believe that we need to wait it out.

In fact, time will only get rid of the symptoms, not the real cause.
Let's see what you can do:

1. Take some of the responsibility off yourself. Significant workloads and the habit of putting everything on your shoulders will not help in the fight against the crisis. Make your life easier, at least for a couple of months.
2. Revisit an old hobby or come up with a new hobby. Doing your favorite activity will help you get rid of stress. What do you like: sewing, photography or running in the stadium? It's time to remember what gives you pleasure.
3. Spend more time with your husband, family and friends. Spending time together will allow you to improve your relationship. You and your husband can go somewhere nice. Meet up with a friend after a long distance. Visit relatives who live far away.
4. Get busy personal growth. Change yourself. Start going to the pool or gym. Start learning a foreign language. Go to self-development trainings. You can take an internship or special courses.
5. Increase your endorphin levels. They are produced when playing sports in large quantities. In addition, joy hormones are produced when doing what you love.

At this time, you should not delve into introspection, as well as the list positive qualities and those that you want to get rid of.

During a crisis, rational reasoning is ineffective. Much healthier is a walk, a candlelight dinner or a good night's sleep.
It is difficult to say whether there is any universal recipe in such a situation. After all, a lot depends on individual characteristics women.

Remember that effective methods include taking care of your own body and maintaining wonderful relationships with loved ones.

An optimistic attitude and the right approach will help reduce hard time. Don’t despair, and soon the long-awaited relief will come, and life will return to a successful track.

By the way, some women did not experience a midlife crisis and all because their lives were full of various events. There is simply no time left to think.

If you want, write in the comments how you deal with a similar problem. The main thing is not to become discouraged. Remember that most women go through this period and you are not alone. See you soon for educational meetings, dear friends!

It is believed that the midlife crisis is traditionally a male problem. However, women are no less susceptible to it. Even more: they experience this period more acutely. But all worries and anxieties are directed “inward” to oneself. The weaker sex, in most cases, is characterized not by external manifestations of a turning point, but by introspection and revaluation of values.

When does a midlife crisis occur?

The emergence of a crisis depends on lifestyle

It is impossible to say exactly when a midlife crisis begins. This period is individual for each woman. Some people encounter it at 30, others at 40. But mostly it occurs between the ages of 35 and 45.

When a midlife crisis occurs directly depends on lifestyle, goals achieved and activity. Moreover, the opposite trend is observed. Career women begin to worry about missed opportunities earlier than housewives. This is due to the fact that the latter have been busy with everyday life and family for a long time and begin to think about the past “half” life after the children grow up and there is no one else to take care of.

But regardless of whether a woman devotes herself to professional growth or family, the midlife crisis is equally painful. There is a feeling of uselessness, a feeling that best years behind, and youth cannot be returned.

It is also impossible to reliably determine how long a midlife crisis lasts. In this matter, everything is too individual. On average, the turning point lasts 2–3 years. But its duration varies greatly.

Symptoms of a midlife crisis

Many women have the misconception that a midlife crisis will not affect them. But that's not true. It can be mild or more pronounced, but it occurs in everyone without exception. In addition, it is dangerous to believe so: if a lady does not acknowledge the problem, she only makes it worse.

Regardless of the onset and duration of a midlife crisis in women, symptoms appear:

Unreasonable mood swings.

Excessive irritability out of nowhere.

In-depth self-analysis of a destructive nature.

Excitability and thirst for activity, followed by complete apathy.

The desire to do anything disappears, since it seems that everything is already useless and disgusting.

An obsessive desire to change at least something: from hairstyle to husband.

Depressive periods lasting several days.

Regret about undone things, unfulfilled goals and dreams.

Anxiety about the future.

Overestimation of oneself as a person for the worse and decreased self-esteem.

Envy of more successful women may begin to develop.

Dissatisfaction current state things: work, family, achievements.

Concerns about changes in appearance.

Separately, these manifestations do not indicate a midlife crisis in a woman. They may be related to life's difficulties, character traits, changes in hormonal levels. But if several signs are noted at once, you should carefully consider your condition. The main thing is not to bury your head in the sand and avoid the problem, but to accept it and try to understand how you can ease the turning point.

It is especially dangerous to ignore alarming symptoms pushing towards self-destruction. These include unmotivated desires to change jobs, get divorced, or end relationships with family members or friends. Sometimes even thoughts of suicide arise. It is difficult to understand your condition on your own, so the help of a specialist will not be superfluous. It will help to find out whether the change in the scope of activity and attempts to destroy long-term relationships are really dictated by common sense, or is it just a momentary whim.

Why do women have a midlife crisis?

One of the reasons for the midlife crisis is stereotypes

The development of a midlife crisis is caused simultaneously by physiological changes in the body and external factors. Its appearance is facilitated by:

Change in appearance

Women are very sensitive to any signs of aging. Wrinkles, White hair, loss of skin tone and a developing tendency to gain weight are a powerful catalyst for worry. In addition, they also feel a weakening of physical strength: they need more time to sleep and lack energy for everyday activities.

Stereotypes

Due to the prevailing opinion in society that after 30, and even more so after 40, withering sets in, thoughts about aging haunt us. Men pay attention to young rivals who benefit from their youth. This is especially troubling for those representatives of the fair sex who were previously constantly surrounded by male attention. They try to hide flaws in their appearance with bright makeup, flashy clothes, and dramatic changes in appearance. Some even decide to undergo plastic surgery to satisfy fashion demands.

Lack of a permanent life partner or children

Some ladies prefer to build a career rather than burden themselves with family. But at some point everything turns upside down. There is a feeling of dissatisfaction, a feeling of unfulfilled “main purpose”.

Failed professional growth

In the middle life path a woman evaluates it from the point of view of her need for society. If she devoted herself to home and raising children or constantly worked in unremarkable positions, then there is a desire to realize herself in other areas and achieve more. But at the same time, there is a feeling that nothing can be done, and if this is so, then there is no point in starting.

"Housewife Syndrome"

It can be especially pronounced in mothers with many children who have devoted their entire lives to raising their children. Their world revolved around the problems of their daughters and sons, they lived with their concerns and experiences. In the most difficult cases, ladies even give up their own hobbies and personal happiness and devote themselves entirely to the child. But the children grow up, move away, and have own families. This leads to a feeling of emptiness, uselessness, and painful loneliness.

“Have I done everything?”

Even successful women who have achieved success in all spheres are subject to a midlife crisis. In this case, she will constantly be tormented by the thought that more could have been done or, conversely, that she achieved everything she wanted, but chose the wrong goals and set priorities. She wants to dramatically change her occupation and lifestyle. How this change manifests itself depends inversely on character. Some become overly socially active, while others, on the contrary, seek solitude.

Physiological aspects

After the age of 30, reproductive functions fade away. Metabolic processes in the body slow down, muscle volume decreases, and fat deposits increase. Hormonal changes also occur. The production of the hormone cortisol by the adrenal glands due to constant stress and anxiety also contributes to depression.

How to overcome a midlife crisis?

Ways to overcome a midlife crisis

The answer to the question of how to survive a midlife crisis in women lies in understanding its nature. At its core it is psychological problem. But it can directly affect physical well-being. Insomnia, fatigue appear, and problems with the digestive, cardiovascular and endocrine systems are possible.

You can cope with a midlife crisis with the help of several effective tips:

Don't run from the problem

First of all, we need to admit that a crisis situation has developed. How you overcome it will affect later life. Therefore, constant suppression of emotions, hiding your feelings will lead to the fact that all the symptoms of a turning point will worsen. This is the first step towards finding ways to get rid of the crisis.

Contact a psychologist

We don’t like “healers of souls.” But good specialist will help you cope with the problem and get through a difficult period. In addition, he will promptly identify alarming self-destructive symptoms and direct them in a positive direction. It would also be a good idea to be examined by an endocrinologist: often a depressive state is associated with hormonal disorders. Only drug treatment will help here.

Switch attention

One of the ways to overcome a midlife crisis in women is a new hobby. You can choose anything from embroidery to rock climbing. It wouldn’t hurt to remember what interested you in childhood and adolescence. Hobbies will not only help you take your mind off things, but they will also provide fresh incentive and help you make new friends. If you wish, you can even derive financial benefit from it: selling handmade crafts or participating in paid competitions will bring a sense of excitement and a sense of usefulness.

Lead a correct lifestyle

Mental well-being directly depends on physical well-being. Balanced diet, proper rest, long sleep, refusal bad habits and activity will bear fruit in a couple of months. In addition, this will affect your appearance: your face will become fresher, your skin will tighten, and fat will be replaced by muscles.

Active rest

After 30, it’s already difficult to force yourself to go to a social event. Instead, many women prefer to spend a free evening in solitude with household chores, a movie or a book. But new experiences are necessary. Attending concerts, theatrical performances, and art exhibitions will give you a lot of emotions. And if the lady is engaged creative activity– you will also receive inspiration and an original perspective on the implementation of ideas.

Give vent to emotions

Anger or sadness cannot be stored inside yourself. It's better to let them out. Tears are one of the best women's remedies to relieve tension. If irritability eats away, you can take it out by simply shouting or through sports. Contact martial arts are especially good.

Change of activity

Sometimes the desire to quit and find another job is unreasonable. But if the main source of stress lies in it, you can without a doubt change it and even move to another area. Of course, it is better to first provide yourself with a “financial airbag”.

Fulfilling the need to care for someone

Childless women are recommended to have a child, and those who have lost an adult child Father's house, purchase pet. This will fill the void with daily chores and joyful events. But do not forget that any Living being– this is a huge responsibility. Therefore, you should carefully weigh the pros and cons.

Is it possible to avoid a midlife crisis?

New experience after the crisis

Unfortunately, it is impossible to avoid the onset of a midlife crisis. Another thing is how to treat him. A difficult period will pass easier if:

• soberly assess the past;
• accept yourself and your life, and direct possible changes in a constructive direction;
• be prepared for a midlife crisis;
• positively perceive the turning point, understand that it will provide new experience;
• do not chase after passing youth and ghosts of the past;
• keep yourself busy: with children, grandchildren, work, hobbies;
• sometimes it helps to start a new romance or acquaintances.

A midlife crisis is a necessary stage. It will provide an opportunity to rethink values, re-evaluate oneself as an individual and an incentive for new achievements. The more difficult it is, the greater the personal leap a woman can make.

There comes a time in every woman’s life when it seems that everything around her is falling apart at the seams, and the ground is disappearing from under her feet. And it doesn’t matter at all whether this woman is successful or has always been unhappy in life. This famous midlife crisis in women is so individual that its boundaries cannot be clearly defined. Someone begins to perceive the world differently at the age of 33 - the notorious age of Jesus Christ, while for others, life values ​​begin to change only after 40 years. Before overcoming a crisis, it must be correctly diagnosed. There are definite signs that this turning point is approaching.

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Midlife crisis in women: signs

It is very easy to confuse this period with normal seasonal depression, nervous overstrain at work or. But there are a number of signs that will tell you that a midlife crisis has already arrived.

— You are already over 30 years old, and thoughts about age haunt you: it seems that you are getting old, your youth is irretrievably gone and you are turning into an old woman.

- You are afraid to look in the mirror because you are disappointed by the wrinkles that have appeared and brittle and dull hair.

— Everything begins to irritate you: husband, children, colleagues, boss - you notice the smallest shortcomings of the people around you, which did not bother you at all before.

- You begin to feel nostalgic for past life: you are increasingly thinking that all the dreams of your youth have remained unrealized plans.

— More and more often you think about your health, that you need to go get checked, get examined and take vitamins.

Observe: it’s not just a matter of chronic fatigue or nervous tension. The midlife crisis in women is characterized primarily by a radical change in life priorities:

- you begin to care about health, not beauty;

- you think less and less about men, but you constantly think about the fact that you have not succeeded in life in the professional sphere;

- and more and more often you listen to the arguments of the mind, while you order your heart and feelings to remain silent.

All these thoughts that arise in you more and more often can easily lead to nervous exhaustion and a prolonged state of depression. The emerging midlife crisis in women is not only of a pronounced psychological nature, but also physiological.

Physiological midlife crisis in women

For many women, a midlife crisis is associated precisely with physiological changes that she begins to feel inside her body and looking in the mirror.

1. Changes in appearance

The physiological crisis of midlife in women manifests itself primarily in external shortcomings, which hit the woman’s emotional state the hardest.

However, all these unwanted age-related changes can be easily minimized. Don’t be lazy and don’t save money: sign up for a swimming pool, a massage, buy good cosmetics and finally go to the hairdresser. Start taking care of your appearance, and within two or three months you won’t look so scary in the mirror. Start jogging in the morning and devote 15-20 minutes to the simplest physical exercise, which will restore your vigor and good mood.

2. Hormonal changes

The menopause can occur at 40 or 50 years old, but few people know that a woman herself is able to “push it back” in time. The secret is simple: lead an active lifestyle and don’t let yourself sit in an easy chair in a dusty office. Run in the morning, try to walk as much as possible during the day, and go for walks in the evening. fresh air, do gymnastics, go to the gym, take a membership to the pool. Do not neglect a visit to a gynecologist-endocrinologist who will prescribe. All this will fight with you against the midlife crisis.

Be sure to set it up proper nutrition and be able to overcome the psychological crisis. How to arm yourself against him?

Psychological crisis of midlife in women

The psychological crisis is especially acute for family and social status women.

1. Marital status

An unmarried woman after 30 “single” years begins to feel absolutely unnecessary, since she could not succeed as a wife and as a mother. For some, the birth of a child becomes salvation, even if it is the first birth and without a husband: the body is renewed and life takes on a new meaning. If you can no longer give birth, you need to calm down, stop thinking about generational curses and the crown of celibacy, but to devote your life to yourself and your loved one and career growth.

Married ladies begin to be annoyed by their own husband, whose shortcomings seem terrible and grotesque. Children have grown up and may, in turn, experience their own teenage crisis. Remember: in everything you need a golden mean, so be able to switch from your husband’s shortcomings to something more pleasant, and it’s time to learn to talk with your children as equals.

Divorce occurs very often, which aggravates the midlife crisis in women. Men leave for younger and more beautiful passions, but this is not a reason to become disheartened: prove to your ex that you are able to live a bright and happy life without him. beautiful life. Maybe even better than living with him.