How easy it is to learn to control yourself and your emotions. Self-control in the long term

Don't know where to start to develop self-control? No problem! We will advise you!

We all want to be healthy, successful, happy - for this we set ourselves tasks, goals, draw in our imagination an appropriate plan of action, but...

Very often we forget about everything, because we succumb to a momentary and unnecessary desire, which does not correspond to the path we have chosen, but only becomes an obstacle and hindrance on the way to our goal, and here we cannot do without our mother!

Why do we follow these unnecessary desires?

Why is it so hard for us to pull ourselves together and slow down, and then get back on the path to the long-awaited goal?

And all because we lack self-control over ourselves!

I specifically opened several dictionaries to explain this magic word and this is what I found:

1. Self-control is the strength of a person’s character, which helps to dampen unnecessary emotions, take control of various feelings and remove internal shortcomings.
2. Self-control– this is a person’s readiness to act correctly at any moment and, despite his internal state!
3. Self-control– this is a person’s ability to master his emotions with the help of reason;
4. Self-control- this is willpower, which is simply necessary for any successful person (whether he is planting corn or training football team- doesn't matter);
5. Self-control- this is a person’s opportunity to take control of his behavior, take the situation into his own hands and direct it in the direction he wishes!

Without self-control, an emotional state can easily take over a person and he will become uncontrollable, his actions will be thoughtless.

Often those people who behave correctly in life (they know how to control themselves, do not give in to provocations, know moderation in everything, know what they need from life, refuse momentary pleasures and unhelpful meetings and people) are said to be joyless and unhappy.

Well, of course - after all, compared to you, they can eat right, play sports, engage in self-development, get enough sleep, and all this leads to professional success.

Research by scientists has confirmed the fact that those people who have been disciplined by their parents since childhood - they hardly face financial difficulties, can boast good health, do not conflict.

“But those people who obey the voice of their reason and, when at a party, drink juice instead of champagne, because in 2 days they will have a big party. important meeting(and there you need to be in full combat readiness) - they can’t really rejoice, can they?! - you ask!

“But they can rejoice, even twice as much as you!” - I’ll answer :)

An interesting study was conducted by American psychologists commissioned by the periodical Journal of Personality.

Conclusion of the study: a person gets more pleasure from life and will experience much more positive emotions, if you know how to control yourself and keep it in your hands!

About 400 people participated in the experiment and they had to tell researchers over the phone for a week about how often certain desires and temptations get the better of them, how strong they are and how they fight them.

Here we were talking about certain human temptations that INTERFERED with a person, and these were: going to a cafe with friends, empty and unnecessary conversations that simply kill time (and you could do something useful during this time); watching a series, etc.

And this is what this experiment showed: those people who overpowered themselves and still refused momentary temptations experienced twice as many pleasant and positive emotions, were proud and satisfied with themselves and their lives.

This suggests the conclusion that self-control makes people happier by eliminating their problems.

Know self-control can be developed!

It is compared to a muscle that becomes stronger every day through training.

Self-control and its benefits!

• Self-control gives respect! You begin to respect yourself and others too;
• Self-control gives you freedom, you forget about various restrictions;
• Self-control gives many opportunities! You learn to manage both your emotions and your actions;
• Self-control gives you peace of mind! You are confident in your abilities.

Self-control and its manifestations in our lives!

With the help of sports, we maintain a specific daily routine, develop willpower through special physical exercises...

Our self-confidence increases, we become more self-confident and it naturally manifests itself in us. self-control- and this is what we need 😉

Material goods.

The person who knows how to limit his expenses in accordance with his financial situation uses self-control;

Anyone who knows how to put out a quarrel has self-control;

• Those who know how to control their emotions and look for compromises in everything and everywhere have self-control;

Achieving self-control:

Follow the regime!

Anyone who accustoms himself to a strict daily routine (self-established) develops a sense of self-control;

Much depends on family upbringing.

When we show our children how to restrain themselves, how not to enter into conflict in communication, we cultivate in them a sense of self-control, and we also teach ourselves to keep everything in our own hands;

Develop punctuality in everything.

Complete those responsibilities and those promises that you gave to the person - you will learn self-control;

Go to psychological trainings, seminars, group classes.

These exercises will teach a person to restrain the impulse of his emotions, to control his thoughts and mind.

I advise everyone to watch a positive cartoon about self-control, starring Donald Duck :)

If you find yourself thinking that your emotions are in Lately become uncontrollable - it means you gave yourself some slack somewhere and made a mistake.

If you want to always be “on horseback”, cultivate willpower every day, work on yourself every day.

To achieve what you want, you need to do at least a little of what you have planned for yourself every day, even if at that very moment you just want to lie on the sofa - don’t cut yourself some slack!

Let's finally become more responsible for our goals and exercise self-control!

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“He who knows how to control his anger is superior to the more powerful, and he who controls his mind stronger than that who is taking over the city."

Solomon

Why is self-control important?

A sign truly strong man is the ability to manage your emotions and passions. Strength of spirit and the ability to control oneself in difficult moments, also has a direct impact on the physical state - any disruptions in emotional balance affect health, if not immediately, then over time.

The nature of man, like that of any living creature, is based on the instincts to satisfy needs.

However, unlike animals, which consume exactly as much as is required to meet their needs, humans can consume significantly more than the norm, which leads to unpleasant consequences. It is painful sensations that signal that changes should be made to your lifestyle.

In order to successfully cope with one's emotions and learn self-control, a person must awaken his consciousness. The development of will and intellect is the first step on the path of self-control.

The main emotions that prevent a person from living a full life:

1. Fear

The feeling of fear is main reason negative experiences such as jealousy, anger, disappointment and doubt.

2. Sensuality

Excessive adherence to this instinct encourages a person to constantly search for new pleasures, which often leads to problems with overweight, the emergence of dependence on alcoholic beverages, narcotic substances or indiscriminate sexual contact.

3. Sexual attraction

Like sensuality, a person must be able to consciously use his sexual desire.

4. Vanity

There are three types of vanity - physical, mental and spiritual, which are characterized by a sense of personal superiority. Vanity is a character defect that also prevents the formation of a full-fledged personality.

How to learn to control yourself?

There are several methods of control and self-control, as well as developing self-control skills:

1. Remove the emotional aspect from your judgment.
You shouldn't say anything out loud until you are able to consciously make a decision without influencing your mind. strong emotions.

2. Avoid excessive impulsiveness and spontaneity in actions during emotional experiences.

3. A stable habit is formed as a result of methodical repetition of the same actions.

This means that a person is able to independently develop good habits, including self-control difficult situations.

4. A person’s instincts and desires are not the whole of him, but only his physical component.

However, there is also an intelligent part that is significantly superior to physiology. This means that a person can cope with any emotional state if at this moment he uses his mind and intellect.

5. Uncontrollable anxiety is the result of lack or neglect of development.

This also means that any event, action or person can have power over you. Only by realizing this is a person able to see his mistakes and correct them.

How many can be called titans of will? Why in Everyday life Are there so few “supermen” and “ladies of steel”? People with strong will, regardless natural potential, usually devote a lot of time to developing these qualities. AND good level control is more important for success in life than intelligence. Twice as important. How to learn self-control? Mindlessly testing yourself will not help.

About the benefits of metaphors

The first thing a future “terminator” needs to know is that the ability to build force interactions can be compared to a muscle. The metaphor is valid, but has both positive and negative consequences. First, by working on yourself you can increase the strength of the “muscle”.

Secondly, this muscle tends to get tired - and the person ceases to control himself. For this reason, those losing weight attack the refrigerator in the evening. Not because calories are somehow more attractive at this time or because we “have a stereotype of an evening meal.” And because the willpower had dried up in the evening, the person made too many decisions - and was simply tired. The development of self-control is greatly hindered if you have a stressful job. What to do? Transfer the most serious decisions to the morning, when a person still has a lot of “volitional resource,” and try to devote the evening only to rest. You need to remember that you train with a dosed, but gradually increasing load exactly after you reach fatigue. Therefore, you can go for a run, and after that force yourself to do something completely unpleasant. Cleaning, a piece of uninteresting work, or maybe a call to the support service, which stubbornly refuses to help? There are many options.

Second important rule: Blood sugar should be at a decent level. How to learn self-control? If there are sudden changes, the probability of “failing” the task will be too high.

It turns out that when we are hungry, self-control is greatly reduced. The part of the brain responsible for making decisions has too few “resources.” She is the most perfect and vulnerable. But they “feed” her last. Because the issue of resource extraction is better solved by the ancient emotional zone. This is how starvation diets fail. This is how anorexics become bulimics. Self-control skills are compromised if the brain is hungry. What to do? Do not bring yourself to a state of weakness, but provide your brain with “slow” carbohydrates in doses.

Happens to everyone

The third rule is to learn to forgive yourself for failures. Violations of the established regime must be completely “written off”, otherwise it will be very difficult for a person to regain faith in himself. Positive thinking- controversial idea

But in general, thinking positively is useful, as long as you do not ignore problems. We must keep the complex in sight, but concentrate on the available resources and opportunities. This is how Donald Trump emerged from bankruptcy several times. How to learn self-control? You must acquire the ability to retreat when necessary.

Why bother?

The fourth rule - fortitude is formed as a derivative physical development. Therefore, it is extremely important to push yourself at the stadium or in the gym. The amount of load that a person is able to withstand regularly is related to his volitional capabilities.

If you are unhappy, start with your body. Moreover, endurance training is better than strength training. Not enough time? Then learn the technique Effectively and usefully. But be prepared for the fact that after training it is very difficult to force yourself to do anything. Remember rule number one? Therefore, you will have to plan your time very carefully, so that after the load there are no very serious things to do at first. And this is a strong argument against the beloved “run in the morning” by many. In the morning you only need to warm up slightly, nothing more. Otherwise, you will feel exhausted later. And this is a risk of not being able to cope with the work. Therefore, it is better to run after the most important thing is done.

In the name of values

The fifth rule is that fortitude is stronger when you strive for the highest. This is exactly the case when a strong answer to the question “Why?” crosses out all the difficulties of answering the question “How?”. Moreover, it is much easier for a person to try not for himself, but for those around him. Therefore, a worthy goal that will help many will be very motivating. And it will spur you on without additional stress. The natural mechanisms of its maintenance will turn on. This is how it is possible to concentrate even in people with attention deficit - a clearly pathological condition.

Control and self-control are closely related. Only those who are capable of being their own master can lead others. And the point here is not only positive or negative example. A person with a strong will thinks more clearly and is able to stick to plans decisions made. How to learn self-control? Dose the load, eat the right carbohydrates, forgive yourself, train and think about why you need to bother yourself. Last tip- the most important and helps even in “hopeless” cases.

There are strong-willed people who don’t even think about developing self-control, and there are those for whom the lack of this quality becomes a real problem. Let's consider in the article what it is and how it can be achieved and developed.

Definition and Features

Self-control is a manifestation of human will, a character trait and a way of life. Not everyone is born with this quality by nature. As a rule, it is formed throughout life. But often development may not occur at all if a person does not make an effort.

Speaking in simple words, the psychology of self-control is the ability to control oneself, to get used to the daily routine and activities. This quality also includes the fight against laziness. But the main advantage is that a person can control himself when things don’t go according to plan or other people almost take him out.

Self-control also helps a person as an individual to go towards his goal and achieve more than relaxed people who find it difficult to pull themselves together. And it also greatly affects self-esteem for the better.

Examples

There are many examples of self-control in social studies textbooks. Schoolchildren usually study this general course. But we have to agree that you can start thinking about acquiring this quality as early as adolescence.

Very clear examples:

• The person understands that he needs to read a book/do homework/finish work, but still hasn’t done it. Self-control is when he can deny himself walks with friends or mindlessly watching TV if more important planned activities have not been started.
• One friend yells at another, but the second has the willpower to control himself so as not to “explode” too. This is called self-control of behavior.
• The employee never puts off his work and goes strictly according to the plan, under no circumstances deviating from it. An example of self-control as an internal control of the individual also includes the ability to organize oneself and refuse idleness, thoughtless pastime and much more.

• And this can also include, for example, when a person begins to exercise regularly (running in the morning, going to Gym etc.). It is worth agreeing that this is still a manifestation of will, because if a person has never done this before because of laziness, but wanted and was able to overcome himself, then he has left his comfort zone and developed self-control.

Examples from literature

Perhaps in literary works There are many bright visual stories where the hero developed his will, improved himself, or, conversely, fell into self-destruction. Such examples are most common in fiction, the idea of ​​which is based on the struggle with oneself.

For example, it is very noticeable in Ivan Goncharov’s work “Oblomov” that the two main characters are opposites to each other: Stolz is full of self-control, but his friend Oblomov could not find the core and energy in himself.

How to develop self-control?

For each person, the path to development of their personality is individual. But there are a number of points and ways to develop self-control in yourself.

You can start playing sports and taking care of your health if you haven’t done this before, but would like to. This will not only be beneficial for the body, but will also help develop a special core and fortitude.

It would also be a good idea to create a daily routine. There is no point in becoming a night owl or a lark if you are not one, but getting enough sleep is simply necessary. Therefore, even if you are used to sleeping for 4-5 hours and feel sleep deprived, you should exercise self-control and monitor your routine.

One more great exercise The usual count is up to 10/50/100, when the mood is such that you want to quarrel with someone, quarrel, shout. Roughly speaking, control of emotions is also an important and useful quality in life.

But in general, a person’s ability to do what is needed against his will is very good at developing self-control. For example, force yourself to get up in the morning, go for a run, immediately do important things, and only then leave time for rest after everything. Setting larger goals and plans as opposed to a daily to-do list will also help a lot. But we also need to make efforts so that what we plan does not remain a dream, but sooner or later comes true.

The following method is not suitable for everyone. This is meditation. Someone becomes more irritable from it and does not see the point in an activity that only takes up time and does not bring any benefit. But many people note that such unity with themselves helps them concentrate, collect their thoughts and calm down. Thus, meditation is suitable for people who are very rarely alone and feel that they have an excess of communication and there is no rest in solitude. After all, there really is nothing wrong with spending a couple of minutes a day at home in a relaxed state.

How can parents help children develop self-control?

There is a lot of debate about what has a stronger influence on the development of a person’s will: genes, upbringing, or the person himself as an adult. No one will ever be able to answer this, because it’s different for everyone, but parents can also contribute.

For the younger generation (schoolchildren), the following self-control technique is suitable: when solving examples in mathematics and performing other exercises, try not to shirk, but complete everything to the end. It is important for parents to monitor this, but under no circumstances force it if you feel that your child is restless and does not really like to do homework. You can try to motivate your child or reward him if he manages to pull himself together.

This applies not only to studies, but also to the daily routine, healthy image life, goal planning and much more. But there’s no point in pushing for longer-term plans, since sometimes children don’t even think about who they will absolutely work for, what path in life they choose, etc. It’s also important for parents to make sure that their child doesn’t get involved in bad company and I didn’t acquire bad habits, I didn’t start self-destruction.

Books on the development of will

There are a lot of manuals about self-development. A significant part of them is aimed specifically at motivation in order to overcome laziness, develop useful qualities and, most importantly, self-control:

• Kelly McGonigal, Willpower. How to develop and strengthen.”
• Brian Tracy, Get Out of Your Comfort Zone. Change your life. 21 methods for increasing personal effectiveness."
• Sharon Melnick, "Resilience."
• Dan Dubravin, The Psychology of Emotions: Feelings in Control.
• Walter Mischel, Developing Willpower.
• Heidi Grant Halvorson, The Psychology of Achievement.

Instead of a conclusion

There are many examples of self-control in our lives. For some, this remains incomprehensible, but we must remember that developing the will and overcoming oneself is more than possible with desire and perseverance. But you should never force yourself.

The development of self-control is one of the most important tasks in the development of each individual due to the fact that it psychological quality we need every day, regardless of what we do.

Self-control is the basis for any responsibility, for the ability to complete assigned tasks, keep your word, earn money, minimize risks in any activity and avoid numerous mistakes that are so typical of people! Moreover, developed self-control helps us better cope with stress due to the ability to control circumstances and avoid unnecessary emotional stress. Everyone can and should develop self-control, and there are many ways to improve it - depending on how much and quickly we need to hone this skill in ourselves. We will talk about several fairly simple psychological practices that are perfect for those who have decided to work on self-control and want to achieve success as soon as possible.

Daily regime

The very first, important and enough in a simple way To develop your self-control is a clearly developed day and sleep routine - something that many people, due to various circumstances, cannot control throughout their lives. However, this is very important for us when we develop any kind of stability! Learn to plan time, tasks, meetings and establish for yourself that this is the very first area of ​​​​life that needs to be controlled - and if you lose control over this area, then others can go downhill. Once your day is going according to plan, be sure to get your sleep in order as well, which will help you quickly develop self-control! Sleep control is also an essential element of a healthy lifestyle in general, the maintenance of which has a very positive effect on our psychology.

Learn to take control of your day from the very beginning by getting up on time and having enough time to prepare for long day. Good additional ideas for exercising self-control in the morning include making your bed as soon as you get out of bed or doing some exercise. If you fall asleep late and oversleep, then you are unlikely to feel like you are truly in control of your time. You are more likely to miss meetings, sports, or something important at work on such a day. Of course, often people are unable to fall asleep due to stress. right time. In this case, you can try out different . Following a set schedule, on the contrary, allows you to be confident and in control of how you spend each day. Following a clear daily routine will allow you to avoid unnecessary actions and do useful and important things.

The skill of taking control of our desires in order to subordinate the developed regime to them and keep it under control affects all our actions. If we make a choice in favor of a well-established schedule and necessity, following a routine in the morning and in the evening, this will be reflected in our actions at work and relationships with people, allowing us to avoid chaos and. The importance of controlling the regime is difficult to overestimate. There really are a lot of examples of where and how this is very important. First of all, the ability to follow a routine is necessary for various types of managers and those whose work constantly involves interaction with people. Show others your ability to strictly control various processes, starting with control of our daily routine and personal self-control, helps to make others respect us and listen to our recommendations.

If you still can’t take complete control of your desires and daily schedule, and the need to follow circumstances irritates you, then be sure to find ways not to take your emotions out on others: this is another practice for developing self-control! Breaking mice and keyboards and lashing out at people around you may make you feel a little better for a while, but psychologists have proven that this does not lead to complete calm and subsequent gain of control. You cannot keep grievances and anger deep within yourself, but it is important to strive to find the right balance in which you let off steam without attacks on other people and strong emotional shocks, but also do not keep irritation within yourself. for a long time.

Daily event analysis

A good tip for developing self-control is to analyze our daily actions. Many psychologists recommend keeping diaries or journals every day to develop self-control, making notes about your life and activities at the end of the day, returning to the most important points from the minute you got out of bed. This method will help you analyze various actions and the decisions we make throughout the day to identify our mistakes, avoid them in the future and learn to make plans for the coming days and months. Control over experienced emotions and events is another help for the development of self-control!

Traditional journaling is most common for people in the creative world. So many writers, artists and musicians keep records of their lives, experiencing emotions again, analyzing them and reviving them in their future work. However, journaling will be useful for anyone who wants to develop a strong psychological core! Analytics of the day passed will never be superfluous in our lives, no matter what you do. Even making notes that the day was wasted is also worth the candle: in this way we will record the result, or rather, the lack of result, and set ourselves the intention to move forward. Pay attention to the therapeutic techniques of keeping a diary, which are considered successful in the fight against stress and control of one’s emotions by many psychologists.

Self-conviction and positive attitude

Affirmation is another interesting exercise for developing self-control that is worthy of everyone's attention. This involves practicing the technique of self-persuasion by strictly following any statement or attitude.

Affirmation means that you create certain formulas for yourself and determine what you can do and what you can’t do, where you need to say “no” to yourself, and thus set yourself up in a positive way.

Affirmation can be used to help develop many skills and qualities, but it is especially good for training self-control. This practice allows us to remain calm under pressure, regardless of the circumstances around us. Saying “no” to yourself, following a set formula for completing tasks, waiting better opportunity For correct action or move - is the quintessence of self-control.

The skills that affirmations develop for self-control are very important for various types occupations and businesses where they earn money by waiting for the right moment to act competently and accurately. For example, such occupations include trading securities and trading in currency differences on financial exchanges, where you need to carefully monitor all market changes, be able to always avoid hasty decisions and make careful moves. Another example of where self-control skills developed through affirmations can come in handy is in certain games, most notably the world of professional poker. The game of mind and psychology is almost entirely based on the skill of remaining calm and in control while waiting for an opportunity. This is why it is common for professional players to use affirmation exercises to develop critical skills. Affirmation allows you to use the opportunity to say “no” to yourself at the right moment, avoiding the temptation to easily earn a win and take a hasty action, waiting for the only right moment.

Meditation and relaxation to develop self-control

Meditation, surprisingly, is another great exercise and way to develop self-control. This ancient art helps literally in all areas of life, if you comprehend all its benefits! It is not necessary to practice meditation according to all its canons, devoting a long time to the search for harmony of soul and body. To train self-control, 5-10 minutes a day will be enough, which, perhaps, everyone can afford. However, it is a great idea to meditate at the same time of day, turning meditation into another tool for practicing your daily routine and discipline.

In the process of meditation, we better control our mind and thoughts, and this is the most important basis for self-control. By meditating, we learn to distract ourselves from problems and relax, which subsequently allows us to look at problems and tasks a little differently. In the process of meditation, we improve our own cognitive abilities and this is a kind of exercise for the brain. Thanks to such exercises, we gain more and more accentuated self-control and, as a result, self-confidence. And the combination of such skills makes you very productive and successful!

Meditation is useful for everyone, regardless of age and occupation. It is not necessary to learn it during special classes or trips to Asia for trainings with world meditation gurus. Nowadays, it has become so popular in the West, so it’s quite easy to learn. Very in a convenient way keeping up with the times is following mobile programs meditation, for which many applications have been developed. The quality of meditation primarily depends on you, and not just on the teacher and environment, and therefore mobile applications can be a great help for learning meditation and gaining self-control.

The world around us

In some situations, we do not need to come up with special practices and exercises for self-control if they create themselves - we just need to pay tribute to the need. Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman considers the so-called “self-control by necessity” one of the most important tools for the formation of behavioral psychology in general. The ability to follow a certain line of behavior, which was initially dictated by necessity, but ultimately turned into good, is important element development of self-control. An example could be anything - from the need to save money and learn proper money management to the urgent need to get rid of bad habit or lose weight.

Of course, the exercises described are only a small part of the ways to develop self-control. You can come up with your own ways by creating customized exercises. In the process of self-control training, it is first of all important to realize the need for such exercises and the desire to follow the development formulas constantly. The development of self-control is useful for absolutely everyone, and it is perhaps impossible to reach the limit in this art: you can improve endlessly! On the path to perfection, you will gradually notice how much easier it will become to keep life and affairs under your own vigilant control.