Once I was very worried that before every serious event, performance I was so nervous that I either overwhelm everything, or I forget something, I’ll say in a different tone, I don’t give it so brightly. People worry before a meeting, when applying for a job, when a loved one does not answer, etc. You cannot list all the situations. However, there are universal methods of rebalancing.
When a person is nervous, they miss important events, worrying about little things. At this time, he has:
- decreased mental activity, the ability to focus;
- cognitive decline (which makes you even more nervous - a vicious circle);
- control over the situation is lost;
- efficiency decreases, fatigue increases, fatigue sets in.
Work on your life plan,. This allows you to pay attention to important events, and not worry about every trifle. Remind yourself constantly of your main goals and plans. Carry the list with you.
Reasons for concern
First of all, you need to explain the reasons for the concern, disassemble them point by point. Define not only the situation and your own, but also the internal factors. So, for example, anxiety before a public speech is a consequence of poor preparation or fear of being ridiculed, shyness, ignorance of the topic.
The nervous state is usually accompanied by anxiety and. This is the body's natural reaction to a threat. It remains to be seen whether the threat is real. In the case of the previous example, think about what happens if you make a mistake or someone doesn't accept your presentation. Is it so dangerous and important for life?
But the anxiety before flying on an airplane is quite justified. There is always a potential threat. But in this case, nothing depends on you, so you just need to accept all possible options.
So, identify the specific emotions and feelings, the cause of the anxiety, its object. Determine the influence of external and internal factors, your participation in the situation.
What to do
There is no need to deny and repeat “I am calm”. Accept, acknowledge the fact of nervous tension. After acceptance and analysis, move on to action:
- Inhale and exhale. Popular, simple, and really effective advice. relieve tension, restore blood flow and hormonal levels. Inhale deeply, hold your breath and exhale slowly. Concentrate on your breathing. Body and mind are one. When you feel in control of your breathing, it will be easier to regain control of your thoughts. Try the Five-Three technique. Inhale for five, hold for three, exhale for five, hold for three. So ten times. Breathe in your stomach: inflate as you inhale, inhale as you exhale. Concentrate on counting and abdominal movements, so you will be distracted from disturbing thoughts. Monitor your well-being. Respiratory techniques are prohibited for colds, respiratory diseases.
- Think pleasant things. Remember the most delicious food you have eaten, the most melodic music, the most beautiful picture, the most gentle embrace. Think back to a success situation. They happen to any person, it's just that people sometimes forget about it. Bring back your positive attitude and self-confidence.
- Nervous tension is. Calms the rise in blood glucose. To do this, eat something sweet or drink coffee. A quick splash of glucose will restore the energy and physical strength of the body, fill it with hormones of joy. You can not systematically seize stress, but in some situations, chocolate is a medicine.
- Tapping your fingers on the table, walking from corner to corner, rocking on your toes are the body's subconscious attempts to calm down. But what if you come up with the same, but more conscious and useful? Find an interesting but repetitive activity: someone is embroidering, someone is doing crosswords, or is washing the dishes. Come up with your own ways for different occasions: at home, at work, on the street.
- The previous method may not work for everyone. If he did not help you, then try to be active on the contrary: push up, run, jump, wave your hands, stomp your feet, swear. In a moment of stress, internal resources are mobilized. An energy is formed that asks for a way out. The yearning that we experience is unspent strength. Let her out. With stress, physical strength is mobilized, thought processes fade into the background. Calm your body to bring your mind back.
- Control your mind through your body. Forbid yourself to fiddle with clothes, stoop, look under your feet. Spread your back, speak loudly and confidently, look straight ahead, demonstrate confidence and calmness.
- Devalue the situation. Will it be important in a month, a year? Does it affect your health, success, well-being? But stress and anxiety greatly affect health. Remember something disturbing from the past right now. Does it matter now? If then there was a different result, would it significantly change the current state of affairs? Did you even remember clearly what you were worried about?
- Keep an anxiety diary. Describe your experiences and observe which ones came true. You will be surprised how much time and effort you spend on inventing. Better do it, where fantasizing is useful.
- Strengthen the nervous system. What you need for this: healthy sleep, good nutrition, regular physical activity, taking vitamins, hobbies, favorite work, meditation or yoga.
- Read D. Carnegie's How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.
Make it a rule to sketch your fears and experiences. It is not necessary to have the appropriate skills. Depict your fear (how it goes), look at it, meet it, accept it. Now finish drawing a funny hat or yourself in the form of a knight. Perhaps your fear will take on the guise of a specific person. Or yourself. Why not?
Sometimes the causes of anxiety are deeply rooted in childhood. Once rejected, a person is afraid of this all his life, and therefore often worries and worries. For elimination, visit a psychotherapist, as in this case, advice on will not help.
Nervousness as a Personality Trait
Psychology knows many type qualifications. According to one of them (by Heimans - Le Senn), there is a nervous type. It is characterized by emotionality, low activity and primacy. Such a person:
- reacts violently to any little things, takes everything to heart;
- thinks for a long time before acting;
- easily succumbs to emotions, but just as quickly forgets about them (mood instability).
The nervous type lives by desires and impressions. He does not like boredom and monotony. If this is your case, then advice with monotonous actions will not work. On the contrary, it is necessary to find numerous sources of different emotions. The main trait to deal with is suspicion.
The author of another classification, Karl Leonhard, singled out. He is characterized by uncertainty in his own actions, self-distrust, suspiciousness, timidity, indecision, fear of mistakes, an overly expressed sense of responsibility, self-criticism.
Stress has become one of the components of our life. We are afraid of the boss, we are angry with our neighbors, we argue with sellers. Constant nervous tension is depressing. A person sees only gray colors, he has health problems. How to calm down and not get nervous, you ask? Below is a list of simple ways to deal with stress.
How to stay calm before an important event?
So, in a week, an important event is about to happen in your life. This could be an interview or a presentation of your work. Your future career will depend on how you perform. What to do if everything falls out of hand, at night you cannot sleep and are constantly worried? The answer is simple: you are unlikely to take the position that you dream of so much.
If you still want to be successful, stop being afraid. You must understand that you yourself can destroy your dream. Don't be dramatic. Do breathing exercises. During the exercise, thoughts should be only about breathing. Inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth.
Walk before bed. Also try not to think about the upcoming meeting while walking. Turn on your favorite music and enjoy.
Night sleep should be at least 7 hours. Don't eat at night.
To maintain the body in excellent shape, you can take multivitamin complexes. They will help boost your immunity and strengthen your nervous system.
How to behave during an important event?
So, the long-awaited hour has come. Your future will be decided soon. You must remember that worries are unnecessary. Start your morning with a contrast shower, exercise and a delicious breakfast. All these procedures will cheer you up and set you in a positive mood.
Set a few alarms in the evening so you don't oversleep. Leave the house early: it's better to wait for the start than to be late for it.
When entering the office, feel confident. The people around you will notice this and will treat you in a completely different way. The back should be straight, the voice well set. Watch your gestures, facial expressions and intonation. Do not wave your arms too much, laugh for no reason, or raise your voice. Speak calmly and be calm.
Be sure to take water with you. You may need it during your performance. Feel free to interrupt your performance for a few seconds and take a sip of water. This will help calm the nervous system and refresh you.
Do not rush to quickly answer the question. Play it again in your head, and then give a precise and clear answer.
More than half of our fears come from nowhere. That is, we invented them ourselves, believed in them and began to be afraid. According to statistics, women have more such fears. They come up with different fables for themselves and willingly believe in them. Treat life easier and remember that everything depends only on us!
Inga, St. Petersburg
Psychologist's comment:
The psychologist's worldview is quite different from that of the philistine. Psychologists are taught not only to hear the content, but also to feel the unconscious process.
This is a very useful skill, it helps to perceive the world much wider and not to be trapped. Now I will try to explain with examples.
Example # 1.
If a guy invites a girl to a movie, then in 90% of cases this is not all that he has in mind. And if we honestly voiced the invisible unconscious process, then the phrase would sound something like this:
- Let's go to the movies and then have sex?
(The top phrase is what the words say, and the phrase below the line is the subtext, the true meaning of that phrase)
Let's go to the cinema?
———————————————————————————
I like you! Shall we go to the movies and then have sex?
It is bad if the girl is not trained to perceive this process, because if she goes to the cinema, then, most likely, the couple will break up, dissatisfied with each other and the evening spent. 90% of girls are well aware that when they agree to "go to the cinema", they agree not only with watching a movie, but give hope for further development of the relationship.
And they do not go to the cinema with someone with whom they are not going to deepen communication. Or they stipulate in advance that it will be "only a movie".
Let's go to!
———————————————————————————
I like you too. First, let's go to the cinema, and then we'll see.
Example No. 2.
When a gopnik on the street says: "Hey, boy, come here, you need to talk," - he should not talk, but take the money from the boy. If a kid really believes that his name is only "to talk", he turns out to be not ready for the realities of life and will be dissatisfied with what will happen next. It's good and right to teach guys that "talking" in some situations means something completely different.
I wanna talk to you
———————————————————————————
I want to take your money
I have given the simplest examples. They are obvious to an adult, but not to a teenager. As we grow up, we gain experience, and those processes that we did not recognize in adolescence seem obvious to us in adulthood. And then we say to ourselves: how much I did not understand before!
Our life is permeated with such processes that we do not voice. Psychologists say that we convey 7% of information in words, and the rest is in what we do not voice. Let's take a look at this article from the point of view of a psychologist and see what new understanding opens up to us.
In this article, feelings of fear and irritation are perceived as harmful and interfering. There is no doubt that these feelings are very unpleasant and even painful. But I am deeply convinced that their pain comes from the fact that we do not know how to handle them. We just don't know how to handle our fear and irritability.
Psychologists do not perceive feelings as enemies: we believe that any feeling is necessary and necessary, because it has a useful purpose. Useful for us.
Fear and anxiety
A useful purpose of fear and anxiety is to warn of danger. Fear is necessary for us to recognize the danger and take action. He will be with us until the danger passes or until we learn to take measures to prevent this danger.
Fear pushes us forward, makes us react, and not sit back. And in this sense, it is very useful. Our task is to consult with him, not get rid of him.
Another thing is that fear should not paralyze us, it should not control us, as in the example:
An important event is about to happen in your life in a week. This could be an interview or a presentation of your work. Your future career will depend on how you perform. What to do if everything falls out of hand, at night you cannot sleep and are constantly worried? The answer is simple - you are unlikely to take the position you dream about. If you still want to be successful, stop being afraid. You must understand that you yourself can destroy your dream.
In this position, advising to stop being afraid is like advising a mouse to become a hedgehog so that the fox does not eat it. Unfortunately, this advice does not work because it is impracticable. We can't just stop feeling like this. Such recommendations were brilliantly played in the popular video "Stopit!" ("Stop it!"):
I repeat, fear will remain with a person until he realizes what the danger is and takes action.
Taking this example, how can you take action? First, you need to understand that part of the anxiety (healthy part = rational fear) is caused by an important event a week later, and most (irrational fear = neurotic fear) is the result of some internal process and does not apply to the present time.
For example, since childhood, this person is afraid to disappoint his mother or he was punished for bad marks at school. That is, 99% of fear of an interview relates to childhood, to the invisible process inside, and not at all to the interview. Childhood has passed, but fear has remained, and by inertia affects a person's life:
I'm afraid of the interview
———————————————————————————
I'm afraid to disappoint my mom
And such a person will not be able to “stop being afraid”, no matter how convinced he is. He understands everything, but he cannot, because fear of mom (dad, teacher) still sits in his head. If people could do this, then the psychologist would say at the consultation:
- Stop that! Stop being afraid immediately! Don't you realize that your career depends on this interview !? Pull yourself together and get some sleep immediately!
Thank God, psychologists don't work like that.))
There are several hundred directions in psychology. And they have different ways of dealing with fears. However, most of them have one thing in common: they work not only with content but also with unconscious process.
One of the options - the psychologist helps the client to become aware of this process and take action - there, in the unconscious. Then half of the fears that the client has in life will dissolve by themselves.
Irritation and anger
Irritation and anger signal obstacles to us. And they will be with us until the obstacle is overcome, until it prevents us from achieving our goals.
Let's take this tip:
Write a letter. When a lot of problems piled up, my nerves were at the limit. Take a pen and a piece of paper. Write down everything that you dislike and that gives you discomfort. After that, the letter can be torn into small pieces or simply burned. As you look at the flames, believe that all problems will burn out like this sheet of paper.
If you've ever tried it, you know that it doesn't make the problem go away. Only the person himself flies away - we are distracted, and for some time we can disconnect from the problems. And when we return, all the problems pile up again. This means that irritation appears again.
The psychologist notices not only the stated problem - irritation, but also an unconscious process (which is easy to understand) - "I can't handle it."
I'm annoyed that problems have piled up
———————————————————————————
I accumulate problems and do not know how to solve them in time
For a psychologist, the essence of the problem will not be to remove irritation, but to understand what the client is doing so that problems accumulate? The psychologist will perceive irritation as a signal, a symptom, and the reason lies a little deeper. The psychologist will perceive the client's request to “remove the irritation” in the same way as the dentist - the patient's request to relieve a toothache.
The dentist will, of course, relieve the pain, but not at the expense of pain-relieving pills, but by removing the pathological process. Likewise, a psychologist, of course, will help with irritability, but not due to the fact that anger and problems will burn out in the flame of a candle, but due to the fact that it will help remove the cause of irritability.
- Let's put together a plan for solving your problems and see how quickly you can solve them.
- Let's see what is the most annoying problem and how to solve it as soon as possible.
- Let's figure out how you accumulate problems and what prevents you from solving them on time.
Study how you are made!
As in the story with the dentist, the patient cannot fill his own tooth, so in the story with the psychologist, the client usually cannot figure out the reasons for irritability on his own. Indeed, we know more about how to fill a tooth than about where feelings come from.
On average, a person spends more time learning how to use a computer than learning how to use their own head. Therefore, the idea of \ u200b \ u200bworking the psyche in our society is very naive. This means that the decisions made about how to cope with problems are also very naive.
The psychological worldview is a fascinating and very rewarding thing. This approach allows you to see the problem deeper - in its entirety. Not to be fooled by the size of the tip of the iceberg, but to feel what is really happening. Then our decisions become deep and wise, even if they relate to such simple things as fears and irritability.
Alexander Musikhin, consultant psychologist, psychotherapist, trainer, writer
Hello, friends.
Today I want to help all those who are often nervous, worried and suffer very much from this. In this article, I will explain in detail how to stop being nervous and become calm.
Why help? Because I myself used to be often nervous and worried about trifles, which caused big problems in my life. And I devoted a lot of time to the question of why we are nervous and how to get rid of it.
Having understood the reason and got to the bottom of it, I got rid not only of nervousness, but also of all others.
Nervousness prevents us from living
I know that your anxiety brings you many problems. Everyone knows the situation when an important meeting, interview or exam awaits us and we need to have a clear head so as not to fail.
But no one knows where the jitters attack us, we shake, sweat, start to fuss or, on the contrary, fall into a stupor and do not understand anything. This is the main problem of nervousness: instead of productive thinking, which is necessary at a crucial moment, on the contrary, we begin to do stupid things, talk nonsense, but we simply do not know what we are doing.
Let's list the main disadvantages of a nervous state, and what it can lead to:
- when we are nervous, we stop responding correctly to the situation;
- we cannot concentrate;
- we think badly with our heads;
- nervousness takes vitality;
- as a result, we quickly tire and build up chronic tension.
And there are many more negative consequences of such a condition.
Sooner or later, all this will lead to physical and mental illness.
After all, it is known that most diseases are caused by the nerves, from the malfunctioning of our psyche.
When we are nervous, blood pressure rises, heart rate increases, hormones change. This is how the body reacts to a stressful situation. For a short time it is justified, it is so laid down by nature. But if we are nervous often and for a long time, a malfunction occurs in the body, and the imbalance inside us does not go away, it becomes chronic.
Often, nervous people are given such a mysterious diagnosis as VSD (I was also diagnosed).
In general, there is no such disease abroad.
And there is no point in treating it without eliminating the main cause of VSD - nervous overstrain, due to frequent experiences.
Therefore, get rid of increased nervousness if you do not want to get sick, but want to be healthy and respond appropriately in any situation.
We can not be nervous
Our path to eliminating nervousness begins with psychological attitudes that you must instill in yourself.
They will help you understand the true state of affairs and reduce inappropriate reactions to what is happening.
The first setting will be like this. Alone and in complete silence, close your eyes and say the following phrases to yourself:
"I will never be nervous again, because it bothers me and brings problems. I remain calm always, in any situation."
Thus, you leave in the subconscious the mindset to fight your nervousness.
Next, you must understand that such a reaction of your psyche is not natural, but a painful condition that can and should be eradicated. Of course, when a danger arises or when in an unfamiliar environment, the body reacts with an increase in heart rate, adrenaline rush and other stressful reactions. It is so laid down by nature so that we can either quickly run away or start attacking. But this reaction should be short-lived and not cause so much pain, trouble for us and our body. And the stress reaction is delayed for a long time due to the malfunctioning of our psyche, which leads to illness and other problems.
Therefore, the second setting will be like this. Say the following phrase to yourself:
"My nervousness is not a natural reaction of my psyche to what is happening. But a normal reaction is when I calmly take any troubles in life."
Many people think that constant anxiety and nervousness is their character trait that cannot be changed, which means that nothing needs to be done. But they are very wrong and make a big mistake. If nervousness is not a natural state, then you can achieve that your psyche works more correctly, and you would stop being nervous. Any character, any program in your brain can be changed, you just need to take on yourself, well, and know how to do it. Therefore, the last setting will be as follows.
"I will change. I will triumph over nervousness, it will leave me. I will have a different character, more calm."
At first, try to find time every day and say these phrases to yourself. Over time, they will take root in your brain, and will do their job. But this is only the first step (but very important) in your struggle with nervousness, so suggestion alone cannot fix the matter.
The main thing you must understand and understand for yourself, fix in your head that we can not be nervous, that nervousness can and should be got rid of.
Reasons for concern
It is useless to get rid of nervousness without eradicating the causes of this condition.
And the root of anxiety is a wrong attitude towards life and an inflated ego. What does it mean?
We interact with the world incorrectly, we look at everything around us with distortion. To put it simply: with their own cockroaches in their heads, each with their own eyes. The main distortion that makes us often nervous and experience this very serious attitude to the situation.
By going to a responsible meeting or exam, we are betting on a career, future financial situation, or something else important to us. A failed scenario with a terrible outcome is laid in the subconscious, all this creates tension and, as a result, a nervous experience. To soften the tension, and that means to stop being nervous, you need to reduce, or even better, remove the importance of the upcoming event altogether. Indeed, in fact, this importance is mostly wound up, artificially created due to the wrong attitude to life.
You need to take everything more calmly, take a philosophical look at life. People have long come up with installations and well-known phrases that will help in this. For example, "come what may", "well, to hell with him" and others. In fact, you need to easily accept your fate, any situation in your life.
Here another reason for nervous experiences appears. We are afraid of the negative outcome of the event, which means that we are afraid of difficulties, we are afraid of losing. After all, not everyone can calmly endure the failure, get up and move on. Usually people give up after defeat and give up on their goals.
Having become brave, accepting any outcome of the event, we remove the importance and cease to be nervous about defeat. We know that even if we lose, we will learn a lesson from this and in the next battle we will be more prepared.
In other words, we are afraid of the difficulties of life and constantly hide from them.
Therefore, an important piece of advice: when going to a responsible event, you should not be afraid of a negative outcome and accept any event that happens. Let go of everything in yourself, relax and say to yourself:
"I accept everything that happens to me, that will be, it will be. If I'm lucky, it's good, if not, well, then this is the fate."
Let go of the importance. Religious people are good in this regard. They blame everything on God, trust him. And you trust this world, let it make any event.
Of course, all this is not very easy to implement. Here you need to work on yourself, but realizing the wrong reaction to the environment, you can budge yourself and live more calmly and happily.
And an inflated ego is when wrong attitudes, negative character traits sit in us. Excessive pride, an increased sense of self-importance or, on the contrary, self-doubt, give rise to the need for mandatory approval, praise and cause fear of being ridiculed, not being the lot in case of failure.
For example, when a guy goes on a date for the first time, both a strong fear of being rejected by a girl, ridiculed by friends, and other complexes are sitting in him. All of this creates a lot of excitement that the partner feels. Girls do not like insecure guys, as a result, the date either fails or does not go as we would like.
So keep it simple, relax and everything will be fine.
Before the upcoming event that is important for you, you must instill in yourself those attitudes about which I said above.
Communicate to your mind the fact that if you get worried and nervous, you will simply fail the whole thing. Remove the importance from the event, do not be afraid to lose, push your pride away, be confident in yourself. Of course, all this is not easy to accomplish. But the foundation will be laid, in a stressful situation the subconscious will remember this, and you will worry less. If this does not help, do not despair and think again about everything that I have told you, having instilled in yourself the correct attitudes.
Be mindful
Usually, a person understands that one should not be nervous, inspires himself that he will not worry, tries to remove the importance from the event, but as soon as he gets into a stressful situation, nervousness again falls on him.
The psyche and the body reacts out of habit, and it takes time for them to rebuild. It is important at such moments to catch ourselves on the fact that we are nervous and to remember the correct attitudes. So be aware. Once the nervousness has consumed you, try to distance yourself from it. Look from the outside at those feelings and emotions that have taken possession of you. The main thing is that you do not merge with the experiences, as is usually the case, but remember that you are getting rid of them. It helps a lot.
Let me give you an example of how to react in stressful situations. Let's say you made a mistake at work, and your boss called you for a showdown.
First, prepare for the meeting. Close your eyes and tell yourself this:
"I'm not afraid that my boss will scold me, because I don't care what he thinks of me. After all, no matter what I do, he can always find a reason to punish me. Should I then grovel in front of him and worry thinking whether he will scold or not. After all, the main thing is that my colleagues at work know that I am a good worker, but most importantly, I know my own worth. After all, I am not a slave, but a free man. Therefore, I am not afraid of him and will behave I take off the importance of this meeting and accept any outcome of the event. Even if he fires me, well, then this is my fate. So the world needs it. There is always a way out, and I will definitely find a good job. If I act calmly, the boss will appreciate it and see me as a worthy person. If I get nervous, on the contrary, the chef will stop respecting me and will certainly scold me or fire me. "
This is an approximate wording, which will be different in each case. Get creative. The main thing is that you should remove the importance from the event, not be afraid of defeat and accept any outcome. If you are calm, your head will be clear and everything will go well. Otherwise, the employee is usually so worried about the meeting with the boss that he loses control over himself and makes mistakes, says not what he originally wanted.
But this is only half the battle. You will still be nervous during the meeting itself, albeit less so. Nothing wrong. Just at this moment, believe that you can be calm. But most importantly, don't let your worries consume you. Try to look at emotions as if from the outside. Don't fight the excitement, just let it go and watch it, even if it grows. The main thing is to observe with a distance and observe again. Believe me, you will feel better and nervousness will recede. The main thing is to train in the skill of observing from the side, because it doesn't work out right away.
The importance of the meeting will also diminish if you take it in a humorous manner. For example, imagine that instead of the boss, some funny goblin from a comic book is sitting in a chair, and you are just grinning at him. Come up with something of your own.
How to calm down with breathing
How to quickly calm down and get nervous? A very good trick to stop nervousness will also help you with this. This is a transfer of our attention to breathing and slowing down the respiratory rate. After all, when we are nervous, the rhythm of breathing increases, becomes intermittent, and basically we begin to breathe through the chest. If you specifically start breathing with the diaphragm, i.e. stomach and slow down your breathing, you stop the physiology of the nervous state and gradually calm down. But most importantly, you need to tie your attention to the breathing rhythm. So you are distracted from negative emotions, depriving them of energy, and they diminish.
Do this exercise in any stressful environment, unnoticed by others, and you will feel how you become calmer.
By applying my recommendations, your nervousness will decrease and not cause you anxiety, and you will become calmer and calmer. The main thing is to work on yourself, react to life correctly, are not afraid of difficulties, and develop awareness.
How to find peace of mind everywhere and always
By following my recommendations, not everyone will be able to stop their nervousness. The thing is that for many, the nervous system is so weakened by everyday stress that it will not help them. Rather, it will help, but only a little. What can you do? How to calm down and stop thinking about bad things?
It is necessary to strengthen the nervous system, bring the mind and psyche to a state of rest.
Our restless mind generates many negative thoughts and emotions, all of which are out of our control. From here and experience and nervousness.
- Lead a healthy lifestyle. The state of the nervous system directly depends on the general state of the whole organism. A healthy person is cheerful in spirit, often experiences positive emotions, is less afraid and worried. There are many methods for gaining health, which you will also learn about from this blog.
- Stop using and. Many people find that alcohol and nicotine soothe and relieve anxiety. In fact, they only cloud the brain, blocking the perception of the source of nervousness, and also destroy nerve cells. You, like an ostrich, buried your head in the ground, got cold feet, ran away from the problem. After all, the problem has not gone away, and with alcohol and nicotine you only weakened the nervous system. You have become weaker and the next stress you will bear much worse.
- Learn relaxation techniques. This and. The relaxation acquired in them will gradually pass into everyday life, and you will calmly treat any troubles.
- Get busy. Thanks to her, you will forever forget about anxiety and nervousness. It will cleanse your psyche from any distortions, you will find peace, mind and body. She will teach you how not to be nervous and control yourself.
I have already written a lot about meditation, so I will not repeat myself. Follow the link and read.
By practicing meditation, you will gain an incredible thing called the greatest power of peace. You will never fuss, but you will succeed. You will stop making mistakes, because you will have a clear consciousness, not clouded by a fussy mind. If you want so, then meditate.
Be sure to read about fortitude.
By following these four points, you will stop worrying forever and be calm in any situation. But this, I repeat, is in the long run. The result will not come immediately. But I assure you, it's worth it.
That's all for today.
See you soon friends.
Be calm and everything will be fine.
And finally, calm stress-relieving music:
Do you know someone who feels anxious all the time? I wouldn't be surprised if you say there is. They would like to learn how to learn not to get nervous. They simply develop a habit of anxiety and imbalance. The daily appearance of some, as it seems to them, problems infuriates them and makes them nervous. I just want to say: “Pull yourself together, buddy! What banana are you mad about? " Nervous about and without it, they simply deprive themselves of the joys of life. Learning to cope with yourself ... With constant stress to live, to put it mildly, is not fun. Or maybe you, too, are used to tickling your nerves? I invite you to admit it in the comments ...
Psychology is a subtle science. Accordingly, psychologists are never fat. By the way, have you ever met an overweight psychologist in your life? I have never seen such people. Well, okay, it's not about them, but about our nerves.
So, how can you learn not to be nervous and start getting only pleasant moments from life? There are some tips boring psychologists love to give away.
Surely you have already heard about them from your relatives and friends more than once, if, of course, you are overcome by your non-iron nerves. The same, if there is a feeling of uncertainty about the future.
How should one behave in order for the nerves to remain healthy?
Well, first of all, never keep in yourself everything that, as they say, boils. To be alone with the problem, as Nagiyev said in the series "Fizruk", is not an option at all.
Feel free to share it with someone. With whom? Well, in your life, I hope, there are people with whom you can talk heart to heart? So lay it out for them as it is. Your conversation partner's advice may not matter at all. They are not important.
The important thing is that he will listen to you carefully, showing interest in your problem, and, if necessary, sympathize. Here's how to learn to let go of the passions boiling up inside. The interlocutor can be either your closest relatives (wife, husband, sister, brother, matchmaker, etc.) or completely strangers (a casual neighbor on a chair on a bus, train or plane). Well, you yourself, of course, always be ready to listen and share someone else's misfortune. Don't be nervous alone.
Distract your brain from bad thoughts
Develop the ability to be distracted from bad thoughts that haunt you every now and then. There are simply moments in life when your problems harm not only you, but also your loved ones. Do you understand what I mean? Imagine that you have come home from work and, in addition to being terribly tired, you feel very nervous and irritable because your boss criticized your project or just snapped at you.
I agree, this is an unpleasant thing, but is it worth bringing it into the house? I do not think. 60% of people, coming home from work and starting to get nervous out of the blue, quarrel and even scandal with their relatives because of their stupid irritable head. Try not to infect others with your bad mood.
Remember, you simply do not have the right to convey your gloomy thoughts and heavy moods to others. A very bad impression is formed about the one who brings all their problems (even the most insignificant ones) into the world. Depression can inspire bad thoughts.
Take control of your anger
Anger is a feeling that scares, excites and turns a calm, balanced person into a thunderclap. When you feel that a wave of anger is about to come to your brain, take a moment and just wait until it passes by. During a pause, reflect on the situation that has arisen, study it and analyze it.
Learn to analyze. Analysis always leads to sound decisions. During such reflections, the thought that an explosion of negative emotions will not lead to anything good, but rather the opposite, will come to you anyway. It’s for the sake of this that it’s worth taking a pause.
Well, for those who cannot be calmed by any pause, there is another option - hard physical work will calm your nerves by 99%. Don't believe me? Try it! Moving on to the fourth tip on how to learn not to get nervous.
Know how to give in to your opponent
Imagine two men discussing the political situation in the country. Each of them has their own opinion, which by no means coincides with the opinion of the opponent. Naturally, an unprecedented discussion turns into a quarrel, if not a fight. So, in order not to go around with flashlights under your eyes, conduct your conversation wisely.
Sometimes it's worth giving in and not letting yourself turn into a capricious child who stubbornly stands his ground. Thus, you will save yourself not only from unnecessary nerves, but also, possibly, from the painted face. A reasonable deed will always be appreciated by others.
Constantly improve at what you do best.
Once on TV they showed the show "X-Factor" and a girl appeared on the stage who thought she was a good singer. After her acquaintance with the judges of the project, they turned on the phonogram and all the spectators (in the hall and at the screens) froze in anticipation.
After the girl began to sing, on the second or third line of the first verse, tears came to some expecting laughter. I think it's not worth telling how it all ended. However, you yourself have probably seen this performance.
Here's what I want to say about this. You cannot be perfect in absolutely any business. Take a look. They focus on the things they really understand. Some live their whole life in constant fear that they are worse than others in something and try to fix it in every possible way. After all, you can't do that! How can you not be nervous if you yourself are doing these nerves?
We must not forget that all our talents have boundaries. Find yourself in one or two industries that you are good at and feel like a fish in water. Try to do well the work that you are really good at, and do the rest at least at optimal levels. I think this is enough for a sense of their own satisfaction. Am I wrong? =)
If your search for your destination has come to a standstill, I strongly advise you to visit Mikhail Gavrilov's blog.
Get out of the habit of asking too much of others.
This will make yourself more nervous than ever. I know from myself. Do you want to remake your relatives? Leave this crazy idea behind and never come back to it. Otherwise it will be one of your biggest mistakes.
It is very, very difficult to re-educate an adult person. More often than not, this is generally unrealistic to do! The fact that the one you are trying to remake does not fulfill your requirements makes you constantly nervous. This behavior of yours makes the victim of re-education an enemy attitude towards you.
It is worth choosing one of two things: to accept people as they are, or to have nothing to do with them at all. Try to see their merits in those around them and rely only on these qualities during communication.
As Bruce Lee said: "Your hot temper will make a fool of you very soon."
In short, carefully put your nerves in a box and enjoy life, friends. It's never too late to learn to live in peace.
Denis Statsenko was with you. Healthy lifestyle for everyone! See you
I will explain how to stay calm and cool in any life situation without the help of sedative pills, alcohol and other things. I will talk not only about how to suppress states of nervousness and calm down, but also explain how you can stop being nervous in general, bring the body into a state in which this feeling simply cannot arise, in general, about how to calm your mind and how strengthen the nervous system.
The article will be structured in the form of sequential lessons and it is better to read them in order.
Nervousness and trembling, this is the feeling of discomfort that you experience on the eve of important, important events and events, during psychological stress and stress, in problematic life situations, and just worry about all sorts of little things. It is important to understand that nervousness has both psychological and physiological causes and manifests itself accordingly. Physiologically, this is connected with the properties of our nervous system, and psychologically, with the characteristics of our personality: a tendency to experience, overestimation of the significance of certain events, a feeling of self-doubt and what is happening, shyness, excitement for the result.
We begin to get nervous in situations that we consider either dangerous, threatening our lives, or, for one reason or another, significant, responsible. I think that a threat to life does not often loom before us, the townsfolk. Therefore, I consider situations of the second kind to be the main reason for nervousness in everyday life. The fear of failure, of looking inappropriate in front of people - all of this makes us nervous. In relation to these fears, there is a certain psychological setting, this has little to do with our physiology. Therefore, in order to stop being nervous, it is necessary not only to put in order the nervous system, but to understand and realize certain things, let's start with in order to realize the nature of nervousness.
Lesson 1. The nature of nervousness. The right protective mechanism or hindrance?
Our palms begin to sweat, we may experience tremors, increased heart rate, increased pressure in thoughts, confusion, it is difficult to gather, concentrate, it is difficult to sit still, we want to do something with our hands, smoke. These are the symptoms of nervousness. Now ask yourself, are they helping you a lot? Do they help you cope with stressful situations? Are you better at negotiating, taking an exam, or communicating on a first date when you're on edge? The answer is of course not, and what's more, it can ruin the whole result.
Therefore, you need to firmly understand that the tendency to be nervous is not a natural reaction of the body to a stressful situation or some ineradicable feature of your personality. Rather, it is just some kind of mental mechanism, fixed in the system of habits and / or a consequence of problems with the nervous system. Stress is only your reaction to what is happening, and no matter what happens, you can always react to it in different ways! I assure you that the effects of stress can be minimized and nervousness eliminated. But why fix it? But because when you are nervous:
- Your thinking ability is reduced and it is more difficult for you to concentrate, which can exacerbate a situation that requires extreme mental stress
- You have less control over your intonation, facial expressions, gestures, which can have a bad effect on responsible negotiations or dating
- Nervousness contributes to a faster build-up of fatigue and stress, which is bad for your health and well-being
- If you are often nervous, this can lead to various diseases (meanwhile, a very significant part of diseases stem from problems of the nervous system)
- You worry about little things and therefore do not pay attention to the most important and valuable in your life.
Remember all those situations when you were very nervous and this negatively affected the results of your actions. Surely everyone has many examples of how you broke down, unable to withstand the psychological pressure, lost control and lost concentration. So we will work with you on this.
Here is the first lesson, during which we realized that:
- Nervousness is not beneficial, it only interferes.
- You can get rid of it by working on yourself.
- In everyday life, there are few real reasons to be nervous, since we or our loved ones are rarely threatened by anything, we are mainly worried about trifles
I will return to the last point in the next lesson and, in more detail, at the end of the article, and I will tell you why this is so.
You should set yourself up like this:
I have nothing to be nervous about, it bothers me and I intend to get rid of it and this is real!
Do not think that I’m just talking about which I myself have no idea. Throughout my childhood, and then my youth, until the age of 24, I experienced great problems with the nervous system. I could not pull myself together in stressful situations, worried about every little thing, even almost fainted because of my sensitivity! This negatively affected health: pressure surges, "panic attacks", dizziness, etc. began to be observed. Now all this is in the past.
Of course, now it cannot be said that I have the best self-control in the world, but all the same, I stopped being nervous in those situations that plunge most people into nervousness, I became much calmer, compared to my previous state, I reached a fundamentally different level of self-control. Of course, I still have a lot to work on, but I am on the right track and there is dynamics and progress, I know what to do. In general, everything I’m talking about here is based solely on my experience of self-development, I’m not inventing anything and I’m only telling about what helped me. So if I had not been such a painful, vulnerable and sensitive young man and, then, as a result of personal problems, I would not have begun to remake myself - all this experience and the site that summarizes and structures it would not exist.
Lesson 2. Are the events that you consider to be so significant and important?
Think of all those events that make you nervous: calling your boss, passing an exam, expecting an unpleasant conversation. Think about all these things, assess the degree of their importance to you, but not in isolation, but within the context of your life, your global plans and perspectives. What is the lifelong significance of a skirmish on public transport or on the road, and is it so awful to be late for work and be nervous about it?
Is this something to think about and something to worry about? At such moments, focus on the purpose of your life, think about the future, take your mind off the present moment. I am sure that from this perspective, many things that make you nervous will immediately lose their importance in your eyes, turn into mere trifles, which they certainly are and, therefore, will not be worth your worries. This psychological adjustment helps a lot. But no matter how well we set ourselves up, although this will certainly have a positive effect, it will still not be enough, since the body, despite all the arguments of the mind, can react in its own way. Therefore, let's move on and I will explain how to bring the body into a state of calm and relaxation immediately before any event during and after it.
Lesson 3. Preparation. How to calm down before a responsible event
Now some important event is inexorably approaching us, during which our intelligence, self-discipline and will will be tested, and if we successfully pass this test, then fate will reward us generously, otherwise we will lose. This event can be a final interview for the job you are dreaming of, important negotiations, a date, an exam, etc. In general, you have already learned the first two lessons and understand that nervousness can be stopped and this must be done so that this state does not interfere with your focus on the goal and achieve it.
And you realize that there is an important event ahead of you, but no matter how significant it is, even the worst outcome of such an event will not mean the end of your whole life for you: you do not need to dramatize and overestimate everything. It is precisely from the very importance of this event that the need to be calm and not worry arises. This is too demanding to be screwed up by nervousness, so I will be collected and focused and will do everything for it!
Now we bring our thoughts into calmness, we remove the jitters. First, put all thoughts of failure out of your head right away. In general, try to calm the fuss and not think about anything. Free your head from thoughts, relax your body, exhale deeply and inhale. The most ingenious breathing exercises will help you to relax.
The simplest breathing exercises:
It should be done like this:
- inhale in 4 counts (or 4 beats of the pulse, you must first feel it, it is more convenient to do this on the neck, and not on the wrist)
- keep the air in you 2 counts / hits
- exhale in 4 counts / beats
- do not breathe for 2 counts / blows and then inhale again for 4 counts / blows - all from the beginning
In short, as the doctor says: breathe - don't breathe. 4 seconds inhale - 2 seconds hold - 4 seconds exhale - 2 seconds hold.
If you feel that breathing allows you to take deeper in / out, then do the cycle not 4/2 seconds but 6/3 or 8/4 and so on.
During the exercise, keep our attention only on breathing! There should be no more thoughts! It is most important. And then after 3 minutes you will feel that you have relaxed and calmed down. The exercise is done for no more than 5-7 minutes, according to the sensations. With regular exercise, breathing practice helps not only to relax you here and now, but also brings the nervous system in order and makes you less nervous without any exercise. So I highly recommend it.
Well, we are well prepared. But the time has already come for the event itself. Further I will talk about how to behave during the event, so as not to get nervous and be calm and relaxed.
Lesson 4. How to Resist Nervousness During an Important Meeting
Portray calmness: even if neither emotional attitude nor breathing exercises helped you to relieve tension, then at least try with all your might to demonstrate external calmness and equanimity. And this is necessary not only in order to mislead your opponents about your state at the moment. Expressing outer peace helps to achieve inner peace. This works on the principle of feedback, not only your well-being determines your facial expressions, but facial expressions also determine your well-being. This principle is easy to test: when you smile at someone, you feel better and more cheerful, even if you were in a bad mood before. I actively use this principle in my daily practice and this is not my invention, it is really a fact, it is even written about it in the Wikipedia article "emotions". So the more relaxed you want to appear, the more relaxed you really become.
Watch your facial expressions, gestures and intonation: the principle of feedback obliges you to constantly look inward and be aware of how you will look from the outside. Do you seem too tense? Do you have your eyes running around? Are the movements smooth and measured or harsh and impulsive? What does your face express cold impenetrability, or can all your excitement be read on it? In accordance with the information about yourself received from the senses, you correct all your body movements, voice, facial expressions. The fact that you have to take care of yourself already in itself helps you to collect and concentrate. And it's not just that with the help of internal observation, you control yourself. Observing yourself, you focus your thoughts at one point - on yourself, do not let them get lost and lead you in the wrong direction. This is how concentration and calmness is achieved.
Eliminate all markers of nervousness: What do you usually do when you are nervous? Are you fiddling with a ballpoint pen? Chewing on a pencil? Tying the big toe and little toe of your left foot? Now forget about it, we keep our hands straight, do not often change their position. We do not fidget in the chair, do not shift from foot to foot. We continue to take care of ourselves.
That's all. All of these principles are complementary and can be summarized in the “watch yourself” message. The rest is particular and depends on the nature of the meeting itself. I would only advise you to think about each of your phrases, not to rush to answer, carefully weigh and analyze everything. You don't need to try to make an impression in all available ways, you will make it so if you do everything right and do not worry, work on the quality of your performance. No need to mumble and get lost if you were taken by surprise: calmly swallowed, forgotten and move on.
Lesson 5. Calming down after the meeting
Whatever the outcome of the event. You are energized and still experiencing tension. Better to take it off and think about something else. All the same principles work here that helped you pull yourself together before the meeting. Try not to think a lot about the past event, I mean all sorts of fruitless thoughts, and if I spoke this way and not that way, oh, how I probably looked stupid there, oh, I'm a bastard, but if ...! Just throw all thoughts out of your head, get rid of the subjunctive mood (if only), everything has already passed, put your breath in order and relax your body. That's it with this tutorial.
Lesson 6. You shouldn't create reasons for nervousness at all
This is a very important lesson. Usually a significant factor in nervousness is the inadequacy of your preparation for the upcoming event. When you know everything, are confident in yourself, why should you worry about the result?
I remember when I studied at the institute, I missed a lot of lectures and seminars, I went to exams completely unprepared, hoping that I would carry it through and somehow pass it. In the end, I passed, but only thanks to the phenomenal luck or kindness of the teachers. I often went to retake. As a result, during the session, I experienced such an unprecedented psychological pressure every day due to the fact that I was trying to prepare in a hurry and somehow pass the exam.
During the sessions, an unrealistic number of nerve cells were destroyed. And I still felt sorry for myself, I thought that how many things had piled on, how hard it was, eh ... Although it was all my fault if I did everything in advance (I didn't have to go to lectures, but at least the material for preparing for the exam and passing I could provide all the intermediate control tests for myself - but then laziness owned me and I was not at least somehow organized), then I would not have to be so nervous during exams and worry about the result and the fact that they would take me into the army if I I will not hand over something, as I would be confident in my knowledge.
This is not a call not to miss lectures and study at institutes, I am talking about the fact that we must try not to create stress factors for ourselves in the future! Think ahead and prepare for business and important meetings, do everything on time and do not delay it until the last moment! Always have a ready-made plan in your head, and preferably several! This will save you a significant part of the nerve cells, and in general will contribute to great success in life. This is a very important and useful principle! Use it!
Lesson 7. How to strengthen the nervous system
To stop worrying is not enough just to follow the lessons I have outlined above. It is also necessary to bring the body and mind to a state of rest. And the next thing I will tell you about will be the rules, observing which you can strengthen the nervous system and feel less nervous in general, be calmer and more relaxed. These methods are focused on long-term results, they will make you less stressed in general, and not only prepare you for a big event.
- First, to correct the physiological factor of nervousness and bring the nervous system to a state of rest, you need to meditate regularly. It is very good at calming the nervous system and calming the mind. I have already written so much about this, so I will not dwell on this.
- Secondly, go in for sports and take a range of health-promoting measures (contrast showers, healthy eating, vitamins, etc.). A healthy mind in a healthy body: Your morale depends not only on mental factors. Sports strengthens the nervous system.
- Walk more, spend time outdoors, try to sit less in front of the computer.
- Practice breathing exercises.
- Quit bad habits! Learn to relieve stress without cigarettes, alcohol, and so on. Look for safe ways to relax!
A source
Loading...
