It is traditionally believed that a wake is not only a funeral meal, but also a prayer. Moreover, holding a wake involves visiting the cemetery and cleaning its territory.
Orthodox commemoration of the dead primarily involves prayer. And only after this is the funeral table. Of course, the funeral itself, the 9th and 40th days, are no less significant events to which all relatives, close friends, just acquaintances and colleagues from work are invited.
However, at the funeral of 1 year, you don’t have to do this, but spend the day in prayer among your closest people in the family circle. Also, a year after a sad event, it is customary to visit the cemetery.
One year commemoration
If a person was baptized during his lifetime, he is ordered to have a funeral commemoration at the Liturgy. Prayer is a huge help for people who have left this world. After all, by and large, the deceased does not need either a monument or a luxurious meal; the only thing a loved one can do for his soul is to read prayers and remember his good deeds.
You can order the Liturgy in the church in the evening the day before the funeral or in the morning on the same day. Among other things, the deceased is also remembered at meals. On this day, it is customary to prepare various dishes: this is necessarily soup, main course, and at the request of relatives, the favorite dishes of the deceased are prepared. Don't forget about pancakes, jelly and pastries.
On the day of commemoration of the death of the deceased, you should definitely visit his grave. If necessary, they restore order there: they tint the fence, plant flowers, pine needles (thuja takes root best, it does not grow in breadth and does not take root, but only grows upward). If there was a temporary monument on the grave, then it is exactly in the year after death that it is replaced with a permanent one.
Memorial meal at the wake for 1 year
Of course, the hosts want to treat the invited people tastier, but do not forget about Orthodox posts. So, if the funeral took place on the day of fasting, prohibited foods should be excluded and only those dishes that are allowed to be served should be served.
At the table it is necessary to remember the deceased, his good deeds and character traits. You should not turn the funeral table into a “drunken gathering.” After all, the word “commemoration” arose from the word “remember.”
The first dish served at the funeral table is kutia. It is boiled rice or wheat cereal with honey and raisins. While eating the dish, they think about the deceased. Such food is considered a symbol of resurrection; according to tradition, it can be sprinkled with holy water.
The following dishes on the funeral table, namely soup, main course, can be anything, depending on taste preferences the deceased or the owners. It could be ordinary chicken soup with noodles or rich borscht, goulash with pasta or jellied meat, stuffed peppers or pilaf, just to meat dishes were not prohibited by fasting. As a pastry, you can serve pie with filling or pancakes.
It should be noted that the days of remembrance must be met in a good mood, be in the mood and not be offended by the deceased for leaving this world. Moreover, it is considered correct to distribute alms and clothes or other belongings of the deceased to those in need at the funeral.
Many people wonder what happens 1 year after the loss of a loved one. And here it is important to create not only a delicious menu - the main thing is that it complies with church canons. After all, in Christianity it is believed that exactly one year after death the soul unites with the souls of its ancestors. From now on, the three-stage ritual of remembrance is considered complete. Now, in honor of the memory of a loved one, you can gather in a narrow family circle in special memorial days or some important dates related to someone who no longer exists.
General rules for holding funerals
If a person was baptized during his lifetime, then on the eve of the funeral in the church one must order a funeral Liturgy. It is performed specifically for commemoration when they sound special prayers about the deceased. In addition, you can write the person’s name on special notes that are compiled in the temple. Memorial services are not held for suicides.
If the commemoration falls during Lent, then it is moved to the next weekend.
You don't need to go to the cemetery. This is important for practical purposes: the grave requires care and improvement, the fence requires new paint. It will be symbolic to replace the temporary monument or cross on this very day. From a spiritual point of view, visiting your relative or friend is simply necessary, because on this day it is important to really remember the person, talk about him, pray for his soul, and give alms. It is recommended to treat those who need it - homeless vagabonds or those living in poverty. At the same time, it is not easy to name the person being remembered, but to briefly tell what he was like, remember his good deeds. After this, you can ask to pray for him. It has long been believed that the prayer of those who are deprived of earthly goods has more weight because such people are closer to God. They live in hope and faith, which means that their sincere request for the deceased will definitely be heard.
It would be right to bring flowers. At the wake they should only be alive.
There are several customs associated with this requirement. The first dates back to Ancient Rome, when in the spring graves began to be decorated with all kinds of flowers, and not special days, but in ordinary ones, in order to make the burial place more beautiful. After some time, the cemeteries turned into blooming gardens. As a result, the church forbade taking any floral paraphernalia to funerals, including wreaths, so that relatives could concentrate on prayers.
The Christian tradition preaches something else - the immortality of the soul. This is a kind of allegory that a person, like a flower, never dies. He receives the resurrection and eternal life in another, better world, and the soul is constantly reborn. As for the wreath, it must have a cross. This embodies the spiritual depth of grief, a prayerful wish for the soul to find peace. Thus, fresh flowers, unlike artificial ones, symbolize eternal life, eternal love and eternal memory. Therefore, a tradition has developed to use funeral processions and elements of evergreen shrubs and trees.
Premises and appearance
We should also talk about the place. This is, of course, an individual question; it depends on the capabilities and desires of relatives. You can rent a special room and invite everyone or those who were close to the deceased. Then the need to think about the menu will disappear by itself, because public establishments have standard options for different cases. You just need to approve the existing menu or add some dishes to it. However, from a spiritual point of view, the place where a person is remembered should be connected with him, so many families spend memorable evenings at home.
As for clothing, everything is not as strict as on the day of the funeral. Welcome official style: suits, blouses, but there's nothing wrong with modest sweaters and jeans. The main thing is that the clothes are neutral shades. It doesn't have to be black, but a T-shirt with an eye-catching pattern would definitely be out of place. It is important to understand that deaths are an act of remembrance and respect. This is not an entertaining evening, but you shouldn’t turn it into a mournful one either.
According to church canons, you cannot grieve for a long time.
We need to believe and rejoice that our loved one went to better world. Those who are alien to this position should look at it differently - through the eyes of the one you want to remember. Would he like to see his entire family, friends and colleagues burst into tears? Or would he be pleased to hear the stories that connect you all? Would he be offended that you wore a red dress, or would he remark on your taste? Would he smile as his favorite songs were played, or would he prefer silence? As you can see, there is no universal answer.
Organization of a memorial meal
In memory of the deceased, it is necessary to symbolically allocate a place for him at the table: place a chair, cutlery, pour water into a glass and cover it with a piece of bread. The meal should be simple. This is a special ritual at a wake. It serves not to satiate, but to remember and unite the family. Its purpose is to maintain physical and mental strength. Therefore, the table should not be crowded with an abundance of dishes, so that the evening of remembrance does not turn into a noisy feast.
The tradition itself originated in pagan times when food was eaten at the grave of the deceased. U Eastern Slavs funeral rites were accompanied by songs, dances, and various competitions. It was believed that the louder, brighter and richer a person is seen off in last way, the easier it will be new life in another world.
According to Christian rules, what is important in a funeral meal is not food and surroundings, but modesty, humility and spirituality.
In addition, the church insists on the absence of alcohol, because under its influence the occasion of the event is forgotten. And the fact that alcoholic drinks themselves are considered to be fun makes their presence at funerals a repetition of pagan traditions. However, nowadays a funeral dinner is rarely complete without alcohol, so it is necessary to make the consumption symbolic. Sparkling and sweet drinks are unacceptable at such events, as is the common mistake of pouring alcohol on the grave soil. The Church considers this extreme disrespect for the deceased and considers it a sin.
What is required at a funeral table?
No matter how much time has passed since the death of a person - 9 days, 40 or one year - memorial meals in his honor should include dishes and products traditional for such events. These are kutia, pancakes, jelly and honey.
Kutya was used during rituals of worshiping the dead back in Ancient Rome. In Greece, boiled wheat with fruits and berries was served at funerals. She came into Christian life from pagan rites of a similar kind. The symbolism of kutya is that the grains represent life, death and rebirth. Getting into the ground, they give new breath, blossoming, food. The consumption of raisins, berries, and nuts is also associated with this. Honey in porridge symbolizes well-being, sweet and happy life. And if we remember that religion views death as a journey to a better world, then the appearance of this dish on the funeral table takes on a deeper meaning.
Kutya is prepared simply. To do this you will need 0.5 kg of rice or wheat, dried apricots, honey, raisins and poppy seeds if desired. The grains need to be soaked in water for several hours and then cooked until tender. Sweet additives are added at the end.
Eating jelly today is more of a tribute to tradition. With the current diversity without alcoholic drinks Kissel can be replaced with juice, lemonade, uzvar or compote. For the latter, both fresh and frozen berries and fruits can be suitable. In a large saucepan, bring water to a boil, then add the main ingredients and add sugar. All this is cooked until a rich color and pronounced aroma appear.
The compote served should be neutral - not sour, but not very sweet either.
Sample menu
At memorial gatherings, first courses are served. These are light soups, sometimes fish soup, but most often homemade borscht. Its preparation begins with meat broth on the bones, and after some time potatoes are added to it. At the same time, vegetables are sauteed in a frying pan, after which they are also sent to the pan along with shredded cabbage and spices. After 15–20 minutes, the borscht can be removed from the stove. Where there is a first course, there must be a second. This could be mashed potatoes, pasta, buckwheat or noodles. It is prepared from flour and eggs, boiled on chicken broth with spices.
Sandwiches, lavash rolls, casserole, cutlets, sliced sausage and cheese, jellied meat, fish, and fruit are used as snacks. You can also cook puff pastries. It’s much easier to make them with ready-made store-bought dough; all you have to do is choose the filling and put the dessert in the oven.
Thus, sample menu for a funeral meal can be presented like this:
- Kutya;
- borsch;
- herring;
- puree;
- cutlets or fried meat;
- sandwiches;
- fresh fruits and vegetables;
- pickles (including mushrooms);
- baked goods (buns, pancakes or pies);
- candies;
- compote, mineral water.
There is another unofficial tradition - to serve what the deceased liked. His favorite salads, baked goods, snacks can perfectly complement the list traditional dishes. If the wake falls during Lent, the menu should be different. It is necessary to exclude everything that contains animal products. You can serve lean borscht, kutya, potatoes with mushrooms, compote, carrot or cabbage cutlets, and salads. This could be a version of cucumbers and tomatoes or radishes and carrots, as well as a vinaigrette. It is prepared from boiled vegetables: carrots, potatoes and beets with the addition of pickles, green peas and onions.
Pancakes are ideal for a Lenten table. They also have symbolic meaning. We know about it from Maslenitsa traditions - it is a celebration of the sun, renewal, new pure life. You will need wheat or buckwheat flour, dry yeast, water and sugar. Mix everything, then add salt and vegetable oil. You need to bake pancakes in a hot frying pan. You can use mushrooms as a filling.
And again about prayer. Before eating food, the eldest representative of the family turns to God and says good words about the deceased. The meal begins with kutya - everyone should eat at least a few spoons.
Grief can befall every family. The anniversary of death is one of the mourning dates that you just need to get over. These days, all relatives remember the deceased with kind words, express their condolences, and share their experiences. As a rule, the anniversary of the death of a loved one is celebrated in a small, narrow family circle. Many people ask questions: how to remember the deceased correctly, what dishes to prepare for the table, what prayers to know and what to put in the church. Let's try to understand all these points from the point of view of Christian morality, which prevails over other religions. We'll start with a little historical background.
History of the Wake
Commemoration and meals on the occasion of the anniversary of the death of close relatives began from the time of the advent of Christianity in Rus'. The wake itself or remembrance is a mourning ritual during which they remember the deceased and honor his memory. Essentially, every religion has a funeral and memorial ritual. We will talk about Christian beliefs solely because this religion is the most widespread in Russia. However, according to Orthodox teachings, you can only remember baptized people. The Orthodox Church does not pray or commemorate suicides, unbaptized people, and all non-Orthodox and apostates. Christians commemorate all the dead in 3 stages: on the third day after death, on the ninth and fortieth days. The basis is a funeral lunch. During this ceremony, relatives, friends and acquaintances remember with kind words the deceased, his good deeds and deeds. On the day of the funeral, everyone can come to the cemetery, as well as sit at the funeral table. Without fail, the body of the deceased is taken to church or the funeral service is held at home. And for 9 days only close people are invited to the funeral table. Be sure to place a photograph of the deceased next to it, pour a glass of water and add salt and bread. It should be noted that they began to do this far before the adoption of Christianity in Rus'; in fact, this is a pagan tradition that has taken root to this day.
On the fortieth day after death, everyone can be invited, including those relatives and friends who could not come to the funeral. The meal turns out to be big. The same thing happens on the anniversary of death, when relatives and friends are called.
Christian traditions
We are used to celebrating Funerals on the 3rd, 9th and 40th day. But why does this happen? What does this say? Orthodox faith? On the third day we commemorate the deceased in honor of the Resurrection of Christ, who ascended to heaven just on the third day after the crucifixion. The ninth day came to us from Orthodox tradition honor the angels who ask the Lord for remembrance for dead soul. The fortieth day is revered by Orthodox Christians in honor of the Ascension of Christ. It was before this period that it was generally accepted that the soul was in wanderings, looking for God. And this solution occurs precisely on the 40th day. It is then that the main thing happens - they determine the place of the soul before the onset of Last Judgment. But a new life begins on the anniversary after death.
Organization of the Funeral
On your death anniversary, you need to be well prepared. You need to notify in advance all people whom you consider important to see on funeral wake. As a rule, these are the closest people: relatives, friends, work colleagues. You need to decide exactly how many servings to set the table for. It is better to cook or order more food and give the leftovers to the poor and needy.
The first thing to do on the anniversary of death is to visit the grave of the deceased and lay flowers, you can light a lamp and read the funeral prayer. So, in order to properly organize a memorial anniversary, you will need:
- Invite all relatives of the deceased in advance;
- Determine the location of the funeral. This can be done at home or in a cafe;
- Go to church to order all the necessary church rituals;
- Visit the cemetery in the morning, lay flowers and read the funeral prayer;
- Help the poor.
Perhaps the main thing in all this is a sincere prayer for the soul of the deceased, which will help to find peace in the next world. Of course, it’s better to order at the church Divine Liturgy and be present at it, together with other parishioners, ascend with words of grief and respect for the soul of the deceased.
What should you order at the temple?
Without prayer, the soul of the deceased will remain in suffering. That is why they order the Liturgy and early in the morning they order a mass for the repose of the soul. To do this, you need to come to the temple before the service begins. Afterwards they eat the prosphora and commemorate the deceased. Some people order Sorokoust for the year and without fail light a candle for the repose of their soul. In addition, you can always read funeral prayers.
Funeral dinner
Many people are interested in the following questions:
- What dishes are best to prepare for the anniversary of death;
- What devices are needed;
- The order of serving dishes;
- What and how to say;
- How to behave properly at the table during a funeral event.
The main thing here is to know for sure whether this day falls with a church holiday or fasting. If this happens, you need to adhere to church canons and prepare Lenten food. If a day on the Christian calendar allows you to eat meat dishes, then they can also be included in the funeral menu. Christian dogma says:
Just before sitting down at the table, the older adult man reads a prayer and thanks the deceased for all the good things. Lunch should start with kutia, which you need to eat 3 spoons. Please note that the only cutlery on the table is spoons. It’s better to cook kutya from grain. This is also a pagan tradition, symbolizing the Sunday of the soul.
Each housewife selects dishes for the funeral table according to her own taste. It's better if they are modest Lenten dishes, without any special frills and the food that the deceased loved most. Most often it is borscht or noodles for the first course, potatoes with meat, boiled and Fried fish, cabbage salads, cabbage rolls, etc. They cook a lot of compote, uzvar, and serve sweet drinks for children.
The number of dishes on the funeral table is not essential. After all, the main thing is not the decoration of the table, but the memory of the deceased, kind words and thoughts. After all, every person with whom fate brings us together teaches us something in one way or another. On a separate table you must place a photograph of the deceased with a black ribbon, a glass of water, salt and a piece of bread. From this day on, the soul of the deceased passes into the Kingdom of Heaven.
Behavior rules
On this day you need to dress in dark clothes, women cover their heads with black scarves, men wear jackets and suits. You need to speak not loudly; at the table after prayer you can make a speech of gratitude, remember the kindness of the deceased, recall some interesting incident from his life.
Don't start loud conversations or make trouble. This is why it is better not to drink alcohol. Give preference to Cahors or weak dry wines. If someone present is intoxicated, it is better to quietly take him out of the refectory or politely ask him to leave.
At the end of the day, it would not be a bad idea to give food from the table to the sick and poor. By such actions you will do good not only for departed soul, but also for yourself. It’s never too late to become merciful and kind!
Postponement of anniversary
Sometimes by various reasons It happens that the anniversary of death needs to be postponed. Is it possible to celebrate a day of mourning in advance? Yours will definitely be able to answer this question. Orthodox priest, to whom you will tell about the reason for the transfer and will be able to consult. It happens that the date falls on some big Orthodox holiday. In this case, you can postpone the funeral date by several days.
The Christian Church teaches us that the created immortal man by virtue of original sin Adam and Eve lost this greatest gift. Since then he became perishable and, having passed life path, given to him by the Lord, leaves earthly world, taking with them the weight of sins committed but not atoned for by repentance. Therefore, our prayers and rituals are extremely important for him to find eternal peace. How the deceased are remembered on the anniversary of death (one year after death) will be discussed in this article.
Commemorations of the deceased preceding the anniversary of death
After a person’s heart has stopped beating and he has appeared before the gates of eternity, the Orthodox Church prescribes his threefold commemoration. It takes place on the third, ninth and fortieth day after death. It is necessary to briefly mention them, because otherwise the story about how to remember the deceased on the anniversary of death will be incomplete.
The commemoration of the deceased on the third day is performed in commemoration of the three-day resurrection of our Savior Jesus Christ. It is generally accepted that for the first two days after parting with the body, the soul, accompanied by angels, still wanders near places dear to it from earthly memories. On the third day, the angels take her to heaven to worship the Almighty. Thus, the day of the first appearance before the Lord is the beginning of the memorial cycle, the completion of which will be the anniversary of death. How to remember according to church custom on this still distant day will be described below.
The next rite is performed on the ninth day, symbolizing the nine ranks of angels interceding with the Lord for the repose of the soul of His deceased servant. The Church teaches that after the third day the soul leaves the earthly world and is transported by angels to the heavenly abodes, which it contemplates for six days.
After this, she performs a second worship of the Lord and is thrown into hell, where she will remain until the fortieth day, continuously contemplating the torment endured by unrepentant sinners. And only after the soul has been shown the bliss of the righteous and the suffering of the wicked, it appears before the Almighty, who, based on earthly affairs, determines its place of stay until the Last Judgment.
The third, ninth, and especially the fortieth day are as important as the anniversary of death. How to remember the deceased at these stages of his stay in the afterlife- a topic for a special conversation, but we will turn to the ritual performed a year after his death.
Daily prayer for the departed
From time immemorial, among Orthodox people there has been a pious custom of commemorating in church on the anniversary of the death of everyone who has passed away, regardless of how many years have passed since that sad day. However, this does not eliminate the need to be at home during morning and evening readings. prayer rule, and these days everything large quantity people comply with this church injunction, along with the texts contained in them, to say several funeral prayers. You can find them on the pages of an ordinary Orthodox Prayer Book.
The time that has passed since the death of a person close to us dulls the pain of the loss suffered, but despite this, it is necessary to remember how necessary memorial prayers are for him beyond the threshold of eternity, especially on the day when the anniversary of death has arrived. How to remember the deceased in order to help his soul free himself from the burden of sins? Many church fathers, who gained fame with their theological works, wrote about this.
Preliminary cleansing of your own soul
If we look at their writings, in most of them we can see how great importance The authors impart spiritual and physical purity to those who intend with their prayers to alleviate the posthumous fate of people close to them. In other words, before you begin to pray for the forgiveness of other people's sins, you need to repent of your own. Everyone knows that the prayer of a righteous person is heard more often than the requests of one who is mired in sin.
In addition, speaking about how to properly commemorate on the anniversary of death, the holy fathers strongly recommend starting to prepare for this important matter from his post, even if it is short-lived. One - maximum two days of abstinence from fast foods - meat, fish and dairy products - will help by overcoming the carnal and sometimes sinful aspirations that are so inherent in human nature, direct your thoughts to the upcoming prayer communication with God. Please note that fasting in this case is not a mandatory requirement, but is only recommended as a proven means of cleansing one’s own soul and body.
This will help our prayers for forgiveness of the sins of a loved one to be heard and find grace. The Church teaches that beyond the threshold of death it will be too late to repent of what was done during life, and only those remaining on earth are able to beg God to ease the fate of the deceased.
Continuing the conversation about how to properly commemorate the deceased on the anniversary of death, one cannot help but recall the custom of ordering regular commemoration of the deceased in the church for forty days in advance of this date. This ritual is called Sorokoust and dates back to the first centuries of the establishment of Christianity in Rus'. In this case, it serves as if preparatory stage to the main actions coming on Memorial Day.
Where to start a church commemoration?
Despite the importance of home prayers, the main importance is still attached to the church service on the day when the anniversary of death occurs. How to remember the deceased in the temple of God should be learned in advance from the priest, who will help perform this rite in full accordance with the traditions of the Orthodox Church. We will focus only on some generally accepted rules.
Usually, before the start of the liturgy, a note with the name of the deceased is given for his commemoration in the altar. By the way, the names of other close people who left this world in different time. They all also need prayer support. In addition, on the day of the anniversary of death, as at any other time, it would be very appropriate to order a memorial service for the deceased.
What is a memorial service?
Since this funeral rite, which has been accepted in Russian Orthodoxy since ancient times, has special meaning, then continuing the conversation about how to remember the deceased on the anniversary of death, it is worth dwelling on it in more detail. According to the rules set out in the Trebnik - a liturgical book regulating the procedure for performing the sacraments and other sacred rites, a memorial service can be held both in the church and in the house of the deceased, where a priest is invited for this purpose, as well as in a cemetery or in the place where life was cut short loved one. The memorial service is very close in structure to the funeral service. The only difference is that in this case several prayers are excluded from it.
Kolivo, prosphora and alms are integral parts of the ritual
In addition, the Trebnik, which indicates how the deceased are commemorated on the anniversary of death at home, in the cemetery and in the temple, is prescribed, at the end of the church ceremony, to place on the eve - a small rectangular table with a crucifix, where funeral candles usually burn - a dish filled with kutya - porridge , made from whole wheat grains and drizzled with honey. According to church tradition, it is called koliv. When leaving the church, you should take one or more prosphoras with you and eat them at home on an empty stomach before the funeral meal begins.
Regardless of whether the memorial service was performed in a church, or the relatives of the deceased limited themselves to a modest home ritual, it is highly recommended on this day, as on any other, to distribute alms to those whom the vicissitudes of life forced with an outstretched hand to seek food for themselves. This humanly good deed is also the fulfillment of one of God’s main commandments, which prescribes love for neighbors and help to everyone who needs it. It should be strictly observed throughout life, and not just on the day when someone’s death anniversary occurs.
How to remember a loved one in a cemetery?
Paying tribute to memory to a loved one, on the anniversary of his death it is also customary to visit his grave. It is there that we most acutely feel the irreplaceability of the loss we have suffered. It is highly advisable to come to the cemetery a few days before and check whether the tombstone, cross and fence are in proper order. If something needs to be repaired or painted, it should be done immediately, and in any case, the cleaning should be done. In autumn, sweep away fallen leaves from the grave, in winter, remove snow, and in spring and summer, it is advisable to plant living seedlings.
On the anniversary of your death, you can visit the cemetery both before and after going to church. There are no rigid guidelines in this case, and everyone can do what is most convenient for them. The only exceptions can be those cases when the relatives of the deceased want a priest to serve the litiya at the grave. Usually there are churches in the territory of cemeteries where you can make such a request, and it is better to do this in advance, since the priest may have other requests on that day.
Ritual traditions that regulate the order of how to correctly remember the deceased on the anniversary of death allow for the performance of all appropriate actions without the participation of a priest. In this case, one of those present, and among them, as a rule, there are the closest relatives and friends of the deceased, can read the funeral prayers himself. They will be especially beneficial if those present begin to do this one by one. An integral part of visiting a grave is also the laying of fresh or artificial flowers and wreaths.
Funeral meals at the grave and at home
After reading the prayers, it is time for a short memorial meal, served right at the grave. Tradition Orthodox Church prescribes to eat pancakes, jelly, and also kutya, which was discussed above. You can also add fruits and homemade cakes to this simple menu.
Unfortunately, during the Soviet period, when the dominance of atheistic ideology tore people away from their original church customs, standards were developed that were completely alien to true piety. One of them was the tradition of drinking alcoholic beverages at the grave, and often simply getting drunk. We can say with complete confidence that this fundamentally contradicts church rules, and it doesn’t matter whether the grave is visited on an ordinary day or it’s the anniversary of death.
On the same day, it is customary to commemorate the deceased at a home meal, to which relatives are invited, as well as those who knew and loved him during his lifetime. Often one of the participants in the feast is a priest. Sometimes they rent space in a cafe or restaurant for this purpose. In order for the wake to take place in accordance with established tradition, a number of simple rules should be followed, outlined below.
The beginning of a home meal, like the one served in the cemetery, should be preceded by the same memorial prayer for the deceased. If a priest is invited to the house, then he reads, if not, then one of the relatives or several people in turn. Prayer in this case is important both for the repose of the soul of the deceased and for setting those present in a solemn mood appropriate to the given moment.
Features of the funeral table
It is quite natural that every housewife tries to set the richest possible table, replete with various dishes, and thereby please the tastes of all those present. However, it should be taken into account that church calendar In addition to fasting days, that is, those on which there are no restrictions on the list of foods eaten, it also provides for fasts, both one-day and multi-day.
Since the funeral itself is part of the Orthodox tradition, the meal menu must meet the requirements set by the church for the day on which the anniversary of the death falls. How to remember the deceased only with Lenten treats is a question that every housewife decides independently.
It is important to take into account that no matter how richly the table is set, the meal should begin with the traditional eating of the same kutya. This custom is fully certain meaning. Wheat or any other grains from which it is prepared symbolize the resurrection of the soul, and honey poured on top is the pleasure that awaits the righteous in eternal life.
How to maintain proper atmosphere at the table
One more important point associated with home meals is right choice alcoholic drinks. If their use in a cemetery is inappropriate, as discussed above, then at a home table or in a restaurant it is permissible. However, so that the memory is not clouded dear person and his death anniversary, the day of his passing should be commemorated by taking into account the advice given below. This will help avoid unpleasant situations that often arise as a result of excessive libations.
To be on the safe side, it is not recommended to place strong 40-degree drinks on the table. It is better to give preference to church Cahors or some light wines. At the same time, it is necessary to ensure that even their use does not go beyond what is reasonable. Otherwise, a memorial meal can easily turn into an ordinary banquet, during which memories of the deceased will give way to laughter and fun that are inappropriate in this setting.
Extremely unacceptable for funeral table scandals, abuse and showdowns. It is advisable that during the entire dinner the conversation is only about the deceased, remembering various episodes from his life, and also talking about everything that he did good to people.
You can invite guests to view photographs of the deceased in the house or a video of him. Even if the deceased was not always distinguished by worthy behavior, the bad things on this day should be forgotten. Instead, the emphasis should be on all the good things he left behind.
Two more important questions
We must not lose sight of this very significant question: what to do if the anniversary of death coincides with any of the major church holidays? How to remember - before or after, if memorial prayers are not accepted on the day of the holiday itself (for example, on Easter)? In this case, the ceremony is postponed to the next weekend or other convenient day. But even in this case, one should go to church, confess, take communion, light a candle for the repose of the soul and give alms precisely on the anniversary of death.
There is another important problem that the death anniversary (1 year) poses to the relatives of the deceased, when they have to remember people who are not baptized or of other faiths, or even suicides. Is it even possible to pray for them, and if this is permissible, then how to do it correctly?
The answer can be found in the letter of the Apostle Paul to the Colossians, where he says that for Christ “there is neither Greek, nor Jew, nor barbarian, nor Scythian...”, but all are equal for the coming Kingdom of God. Therefore, you can and should pray for all people, since for every deceased important stage his stay in the afterlife is the anniversary of his death. To remember earlier or later depends on the calendar date, as discussed above.
The only thing to consider is established rule submit memorial notes to churches only with the names of those who underwent baptism during their lifetime and did not burden themselves with the sin of suicide. For all the others, you need to pray for yourself, in church and at home, in the cemetery, as well as in the place where death cut short the days of their life. One must ask the Lord to grant remission of the sins they have committed and to rest their souls in the Kingdom of Heaven.
Since ancient times, Russia has preserved the tradition of celebrating memorable dates, and people celebrate not only the birthdays of living people, but also the days of departure from the other world. This is due to the fact that Christians believe in further afterlife together with God. Many citizens do not know how to properly perform a funeral service for 1 year. The rules are quite simple; they help the deceased find peace in the next world.
Commemoration is the oldest ritual that was carried out back in Ancient Rus'. The main purpose of this ritual is to honor the memory of the deceased and facilitate his stay in heaven.. The basis of the wake is a meal, which the relatives of the deceased spend in his apartment, cafe, or directly at the cemetery. When the anniversary of death is commemorated, and how to honor it, you can find out in the temple.
Memorials are celebrated on the following days:
- on the day of death or the next day;
- on the 3rd day after death. Most often this day is the day of the funeral;
- on day 9;
- on day 40;
- in the future, the meal is carried out on the sixth month from the date of death, and all subsequent anniversaries.
The most important is the commemoration on the 3rd, 9th and 40th day after repose. In Christianity, they are of the opinion that for the first 2 days after leaving for another world, the human soul is still on earth and goes around all its native places. On the third day the soul goes to bow to God.
Informative! What is it needed on the wrist for: meaning in Christianity.
For the next 7 days, angels will show the soul life in heaven and the beauty of paradise. On the 9th day, the soul is again sent to worship God, after which it is led to the kingdom of darkness - hell - for 30 days.
For a month, the soul of the deceased is shown the eternal torment of sinners. At the end, on the 40th day, the soul is again taken to bow to God, where a decision is made in which exact place the soul will be until the Last Judgment.
In addition, you can remember a deceased relative on the following days:
- second Tuesday after Easter. On the holiday itself, it is not worth remembering the dead, since Easter is a holiday of living people;
- the next Saturday before Lent;
- 2, 3, 4 Saturdays of Great Lent.
Since a baptized deceased person is a member of the Orthodox Church, you can order a memorial service and magpie for him at almost any time.
It is important to know! If the anniversary coincides with an important day church holiday, it is recommended to postpone it to the next day.
Commemoration in church
The most important thing for remembering the deceased is not the meal, but prayer. If the deceased was a Christian, there is nothing more valuable to him than prayer on the anniversary of death. In addition, clergy advise relatives to refrain from a luxurious dinner and alcohol on the anniversary of death.
Lunch should be quite simple and modest. Funerals for 1 year and all subsequent times should absolutely not turn into a cheerful feast, since such a pastime is not welcomed by Christian traditions.
In addition to personal prayer, you must order a commemoration in the church for the year:
- remembrance at the proskomedia. This rite represents the first part of the liturgy, during which the priest takes out small pieces from the prosphora for peace and health.
- most often the “sorokoust” is ordered, then the deceased will be commemorated at 40 services in a row;
- memorial service. Usually held in churches on Saturdays or Sundays, but if necessary, you can arrange with the priest to hold it on another day;
- lithium. Another common type of funeral service. It can be done at any time. It is also possible for a priest to visit the cemetery.
The most important condition is that the deceased is remembered by all his relatives. The priest does not always know the deceased personally, so he cannot express the emotions that friends and relatives experience.
The priest, in fact, is only the performer of the ritual. The rules of the event allow for ordering the reading of the Psalter. This service is more often carried out in monasteries, since it is designed for a long time. Depending on the size of the donation, the service will be held for a month, six months or even a year.
It is important to know! When ordering a service in a church, you can include in the note not only the name of the deceased, but also other deceased relatives.
Basic Rules
The rules for holding a memorial service in 1 year are such that the event must first begin with a visit to the church. Only after relatives order special service, you can go to the cemetery and perform a civil memorial service.
After this, the relatives must clean up the grave, mention how good the person was, what good deeds he did. It would also be a good idea to bring fresh flowers. It is very important to remember that you are allowed to go to the cemetery only in the first half of the day.
After completing these steps, you can start eating. It is permissible to carry it out not only in the house of the deceased, but also in a cafe. The clergy do not advise having a luxurious dinner; the dishes should be quite simple. As for alcohol, only red wine is allowed to drink; vodka cannot be placed on the table.
Funeral dinner
How to remember the deceased on the anniversary of death should be decided only by relatives. But clergy advise paying attention to the oldest traditions. Often loved ones ask the question not only how to commemorate, but also with what. Lunch dishes should be modest. Be sure to prepare not only the first and second, but also kutya (wheat porridge with raisins, candied fruits and honey). It is recommended to make snacks on this day (especially if you decided to put wine on the table). Among alcoholic drinks, cognac and Cahors are allowed. Sparkling wines are not suitable for this occasion.
Often parishioners ask priests what they order in the church on the anniversary of a death, if it falls on a fast. In this case, there should be mainly lean dishes and a lot of baked goods on the table.
If the commemoration takes place in a cafe, you need to ask the employees to turn off the music and TV. Entertainment is not permitted in the adjacent room. You should not make toasts, as it is inappropriate.
It would be better to simply say kind words about the person, remember his good deeds, or read poetry on the anniversary of his death. You can also share warm memories with relatives.
Reference! What is forbidden to do on the anniversary of death is to say words that denigrate the deceased.
Remember at home
If relatives do not have the opportunity to go to the cemetery, how to remember the deceased and what to do in this case. In such a situation, you need to invite everyone home and prepare a special lunch. Many people mistakenly believe that in 1 year the rules imply covering mirrors in the apartment and placing a cutlery for the deceased on the table. The clergy claim that these traditions exist, but they do not apply to the Orthodox, so it is not necessary to adhere to them.
Every person who comes to the house must pray before sitting down to the table. It is advisable that the apartment be lit at this time. church candles. After reading the prayer, you can start eating. Relatives are allowed to talk at the table. The main thing is that there is no gossip, jokes or bad language, as this is inappropriate.
According to Christian traditions, dishes that are served to the table must be blessed. In addition to the first and second meals, lunch also includes dessert. Sweets must be present on the table, as they symbolize the joy that awaits all righteous Christians in heaven.
When preparing the table, you can consider the following tips:
- Pancakes are considered one of the traditional dishes at funerals. Usually they are washed down with fresh jelly or full jelly (honey dissolved in water).
- It is recommended to place several fir branches on the table, and black ribbons can be attached to the tablecloth.
- During the change of dishes, it is necessary to read a prayer for repose. Also, prayers on the death anniversary of 1 year (and all subsequent ones) are read after the meal.
- When leaving, the owners do not need to say words of gratitude. This is not accepted at funerals.
Independent mention
If a person does not have the opportunity to go to a funeral, you can remember the deceased at home. There is no need to host a lunch for this. As you know, celebrating the anniversary of death involves reading a prayer.
This option will be optimal. Most clergy advise reading the Psalter. How to do this correctly is usually described in detail in the appendix to the book. Between psalms it is necessary to read special prayers and mention in them the names of deceased relatives. This type of remembrance is the best.
There are some exceptions in which the church does not allow commemoration of the deceased during the Liturgy. This applies to people who were baptized but never went to church. It is believed that this indicates that the person was an unbeliever during his lifetime. The clergy call such people parishioners.
Also, the church never remembers those who have committed suicide, since this is a voluntary rejection of God’s main gift - life. This rule also applies to those people who died from a drug overdose, since such a death is also considered suicide.
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Let's sum it up
That's all today more people prefer to order a service in church and believes that this is enough. Despite the fact that clergy can also turn to the Almighty with a request for forgiveness of earthly sins, relatives should also pray for the deceased.
Appeals from priests, as mediators and executors of God’s will on earth, reach the Savior faster, but reading prayers at home is also mandatory. First of all, the soul of the deceased hears precisely the words of relatives, and not church ministers, so family and friends definitely need to pray.
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