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Funeral words

reflection of grief and pain of loss

The death of loved ones, relatives, and friends is always a sad and tragic event in the life of every person. At such moments it can be difficult to find the right words to express all the sorrow and pain. How can you say that the deceased was dear? That he was the most wonderful person? State it clearly and clearly best qualities and not to go too far? A funeral speech at a funeral is a text that is pronounced not from a piece of paper, but from the heart.

Funeral speech - sample

First you need to say your name. Not everyone present at a funeral or wake knows you. It should be remembered that long, vague, expansive phrases are suitable for political debates, but not for funeral speeches. You should speak briefly and to the point. So, examples of speech at a wake:

“I’ll introduce myself for those who don’t know me: my name is (name). We have worked together with (name of deceased) for the past few years and I would like to say a few words in memory of him.

He was a true professional in his field, a specialist with capital letters. Many of our colleagues, young and not only, learned the basics of their craft from him and often used his advice and help. He was very patient and responsive, he could always listen to everyone who turned to him for support, advise something, help out, and never refused anyone’s requests. He could perfectly lift the spirits of anyone who was upset, confused or depressed about something. The countless stories he tells funny stories, toasts, jokes and anecdotes could amuse anyone. We will all greatly miss him at our dinner gatherings and corporate events, where he invariably shone at the table, lifting our morale. There is no other person like him in our team. And maybe in my memory it will no longer be

We will all miss him greatly. Until the end of his life, he will remain in my memory and the memory of all our colleagues as an example of perseverance, sparkling cheerfulness, activity and professionalism!

Rest in peace, dear colleague!”

“My grandmother was a wonderful person with a difficult but interesting fate. She, along with three younger brothers and a sister, were raised by her mother alone during difficult times. post-war years. To say that they lived poorly then would be an understatement. She had to endure many difficulties and hardships, but she never lost her optimism and presence of mind, constantly helping her mother and taking care of the younger members of the family. And later, having married her military grandfather, she steadfastly endured all the hardships of service. In any circumstances, she always maintained exemplary order at home and taught all family members to do so. Grandma was sometimes strict, but fair. I am glad that I managed to learn from her neatness and order, the ability to organize my life. And her famous apple pies were simply incomparable, no one else could do them!

I will always remember you, my dear, beloved grandmother! Your warmth, love and care will remain with us forever"

How to choose the right words?

Based on the examples presented above, several basic rules can be identified:

It is best to address the audience in the introduction. For example: “Dear friends and family of our beloved (name) ....”
It is necessary to introduce yourself. What does it have to do with not only the name, but also the degree of your acquaintance, relationship: “My name is Alexey, (name) and I have been close friends (colleagues) for many (you can be more specific) years.”
It would not be amiss to say a few words about your own experiences, about the pain that the announcement of death caused.
The following words characterize the deceased. Here it is important to remember the old Russian proverb, which perfectly indicates what they say at funerals: “It’s either good or nothing about the dead.”
In conclusion, condolences or standard, but still relevant memorial words are said: “May he rest in peace,” “Rest in peace,” and so on.

In general, we note that the speech at the wake differs from the one pronounced directly at the funeral. So, at the moment of farewell it is customary to speak very briefly. Here, words of condolences are mainly spoken to the relatives of the deceased.

The funeral speech on the day of the funeral should under no circumstances be a memorized text. A few words from the heart, imbued with sincere empathy, would be more appropriate. In the first days, the relatives of the deceased are unable to perceive reality. The grief they have suffered is too hard for them, so their feelings should be respected.

Memorial words for 40 days, for an anniversary can be more intense. Here they often remember the best about the deceased. But even after time, one should not remember insults, disagreements and quarrels. If you can’t overcome this in yourself, the best thing to do is to remain silent or limit yourself to a couple of standard phrases.

Funeral poems

It was already indicated above that poetry would be extremely inappropriate at a funeral. A memorial speech for 40 days, 1 year may contain a small poetic inclusion. These could be the words of great poets or lines from an epitaph. Memorial poems for the anniversary of death mostly contain warm words that can be attributed to the personality of the deceased, and to a lesser extent condolences and bitterness. Examples include:

When parents leave
The light in the window fades forever.
Empty Father's house and maybe
I dream much more often.
* * *
We know you can't be brought back
Your deeds are an eternal memory,
And only your pure soul is with us,
You illuminate our life path.

* * *
Sleep, my angel, peacefully and sweetly.
Eternity will take you into its arms.
You held yourself with dignity and steadfastness
Survived these hellish torments.
* * *
On this day full of heartache,
We sympathize with your misfortune,
Our life, unfortunately, is not eternal,
Every day we are getting closer to the line...
Our condolences... Strength of spirit
We wish you at this moment,
May the earth rest in peace to those close to you,
May the Almighty protect you from troubles.
* * *
When you left, the light went dark,
And time suddenly stopped.
And they wanted to live together forever...
Well, why did this all happen?!
* * *
May your sleep be serene
No one will ever disturb you,
Nothing can break it
Oblivion of eternal peace.
* * *
Thank you, dear, for being in the world!
Thank you for loving me.
For all the years that we lived together.
I ask you not to forget me.
* * *
We remember, dear, and mourn,
The wind blows coldly on my heart.
We love you forever,
No one will replace you for us.
* * *
How we loved - only the Gods know.
Only we knew how we suffered.
After all, we went through all the hardships with you,
But we could not step over death...
* * *
In that vicious circle– twist it, don’t twist it –
It will not be possible to find the end and the beginning.
Our role in this world is to come and go.
Who will tell us about the goal, about the meaning of the path?

* * *
There are no, Lord, sins and atrocities
Above Thy mercy!
Slave/slave of the earth and vain desires
Forgive the sins for his/her sorrows!

What was his life like? - Heavy sleep.
What is death? - Awakening from terrible dreams.
Woke up, he smiled -
And again, maybe the dream began there.
* * *
You left and it immediately began to snow.
May you have a good time there.
Let him cover himself with a soft white blanket
The land where you are no longer there...
* * *
Without chasing meaningless fame,
Keeping love in your heart,
He left, but managed to leave us
Eternal music bright motive
* * *
This order is unshakable.
The passage of time is eternal.
Let it be quiet and sweet
Your peaceful sleep!

Funeral poems are published in the newspaper as condolences. Words at the wake should not contain ambiguous phrases. Extremely clear and understandable lines for all those present will be the most appropriate and correct.

Funeral toasts

The funeral usually ends with a memorial dinner. While at such a table, you must follow the rules of mourning etiquette. It is not allowed to talk loudly or laugh. You should not interrupt the person making a speech at the wake. Often at the table, speech takes the form of a toast. Funeral toasts at a wake are significantly different from ordinary ones. They do not contain a call for fun, but once again emphasize the bitterness and pain of loss.

They sit in the next world, in Paradise, souls at the table, talking, drinking, pouring more. One overturned his jug, but it was empty. “That’s it,” he said, “I’ve been forgotten on Earth.” So let’s drink so that the jugs of our departed loved ones do not become empty!

Blessed memory of those who have left us, Let us drink to this now. May our hearts, like granite, preserve the memory of loved ones who have passed away. Let all the good things that happened to them not be buried in a damp grave. As long as we preserve our memories, they will live with us for as long.

Toasts at a wake can be pronounced in poetic form:

The philosopher knew that everything has its time,
Fate cannot be deceived:
The poet has been lonely for centuries -
May the glorious one be completed...

There is no water in the funeral cup!
Let's not grieve:
The midnight star will rise -
We will meet again!

Let it pour from the righteous peaks,
Before the days are gone,
The melody of your soul -
Why be sad about her?

Christian wake

One of the most widespread religions is Orthodoxy. Orthodox funerals differ significantly from secular ones. So, for example, speeches at funerals are practically not spoken for 40 days, 1 year. Christians gather at the table these days and pray together for the soul of the deceased. It is also customary these days to go to church and submit memorial notes, a sample of which can be seen in the church shop.

People say that a person dies when the people who loved him during his lifetime stop talking and remembering him. Preserve the fond memory of close relative- a task that must be understood and accepted, regardless of the transience of our time and the pain of loss. Love and gratitude for all good deeds are difficult to express in words, and in order to properly honor the memory of the deceased, it is necessary to understand why and how a memorial service is organized in his honor.

When should a funeral be held?

It is traditional to hold a wake immediately after the funeral, on the ninth and 40th day, as well as on the anniversary. The belief says that during the first nine days after death, the soul of the deceased is in heaven, and then goes to heaven to appear before the Lord God. This date is also dedicated to the nine “ranks of angels.” Funerals on the 40th day allow, through universal prayer, to atone for the sins that the deceased managed to commit during his life. The date itself, the fortieth day, personifies the ascension of Jesus Christ to heaven after the resurrection. The next day when it is customary to honor the memory of the deceased is the anniversary of his death. Only the closest people come to the meal on this day, remembering how he lived and everything connected with the earthly life of the deceased. Christian believers also celebrate the birthday and day of the angel of the deceased. If relatives are determined to hold prayers, then a memorial service can be held either a few months or six months after the death.

Visit to the cemetery

The first duty on the day of the funeral is to visit the grave of the deceased. This is done both before and after the meal. Fresh flowers are brought to the grave and the grave is decorated with artificial wreaths and baskets. If the rules allow, you can plant a small tree. Plants at the burial site are symbols of eternal life.

On days of special commemoration of the dead, you should clean up the nearby area, clean up the grave, clear the area of garbage, remove excess weeds, paint the fence or renew the cross.

In order for the soul of the deceased to find peace, the Orthodox faith provides for a special ritual - a meal. Before it begins, those present perform the rite of requiem - lithium. If this is not possible, you need to read the prayer: “Our Father”, Kathisma 17 or Psalm 90.

A funeral meal involves special serving and the presence of special food appropriate Orthodox traditions. The eating of food begins with the serving of kutya. Kutia is made from whole grains (rice, cereals), seasoned with honey and sweet raisins, as a symbol of the sweet afterlife, and also sprinkled with holy water. An obligatory element of the meal are pancakes - a ritual food that symbolizes earthly ideas about the afterlife and the sun. Next, it is necessary to serve the first courses: soup, borscht or cabbage soup, since since ancient times the funeral meal was arranged with the aim of feeding all the participants in the funeral, those who helped dig the grave, carry the coffin, prayed for the deceased and, of course, it was considered a sacred duty to feed the poor or give alms . It was also believed that common prayer during the funeral meal will ease the path of the deceased to the Kingdom of Heaven. It is considered a tradition to serve such dishes as jelly, fish (mainly herring), kulebyaki, vegetable and sausage cuts. After the funeral meal is over, cookies are distributed to everyone present.

During the meal, those present are prohibited from consuming alcoholic beverages. Unfortunately, many families ignore this rule, which is why unnecessary squabbles and showdowns that are not appropriate for such a significant event begin at the table.

Funeral etiquette

Even in those moments when it is very difficult to restrain yourself, it is necessary to follow the rules of etiquette. Their basis, first of all, is a dignified attitude towards the memory of the deceased person, respect for the feelings of loved ones. So, if you become a member funeral procession or a wake, you should not behave provocatively, laugh, make noise, or talk actively and very loudly. Don't wave your arms, don't jump, don't rejoice. Behave with restraint and calm. You cannot violate the order of speech that has developed, according to generally accepted mourning etiquette.

It is necessary to speak about a deceased person only with positive side. Do not insult other participants in the meal, do not enter into conflicts, or show aggression. You should not come to a wake without an invitation. At the table, sometimes, one empty place is left for the deceased. Next to him is usually placed his portrait, framed with a black ribbon. The first to leave the funeral meal should be the deceased's acquaintances, colleagues, and distant relatives. The last to leave the table are the closest friends and relatives.

According to the rules of mourning etiquette, a strict, classic, straight-cut, dark-colored suit would be appropriate for men. A light-colored shirt and tie are a good complement. It is allowed to have a dim and not too provocative pattern on the tie. A man should not wear a headdress. The exception is cases when it is necessary due to a particular religion. During the hot season, you are allowed to take off your jacket. As for representatives of the military service, it is acceptable to have a dark-colored dress uniform.

Women should wear a sober dress with a hem that covers the knees. The head must be covered; hats may only be removed indoors. A veil or scarf may be suitable. The presence of any decorations (with the exception of wedding ring) it is not advisable to wear earrings and chains to a funeral. Hair should be picked up, and the face should be free of bright makeup.

How to seat guests at the table?

Regardless of where the memorial ceremony takes place (in a banquet hall or at home), guests must be seated based on a certain principle. First of all, the closest relatives sit at the table, then those present are seated at the table according to the principle of kinship. Regarding the friends of the deceased, they are imprisoned according to seniority.

An Orthodox funeral is a complex ritual, the purpose of which is to honor the memory of a person who has passed away and to pray for his soul. Our funeral agency will help you organize a funeral at the highest level. Do not forget that remembering the deceased is our sacred duty.

The hour comes when the remains of the deceased are buried in the earth, where they will rest until the end of time and the general resurrection. But the love of the Mother of the Church for her child who has departed from this life does not dry out. IN famous days she makes prayers for the deceased and makes a bloodless sacrifice for his repose. Special days of commemoration are the third, ninth and fortieth (in this case, the day of death is considered the first). Commemoration on these days is sanctified by ancient church custom. It is consistent with the teaching of the Church about the state of the soul beyond the grave.

The third day. The commemoration of the deceased on the third day after death is performed in honor of the three-day resurrection of Jesus Christ and in the image Holy Trinity.

For the first two days, the soul of the deceased is still on earth, passing along with the Angel accompanying it through those places that attract it with memories of earthly joys and sorrows, evil and good deeds. The soul that loves the body sometimes wanders around the house in which the body is placed, and thus spends two days like a bird looking for a nest. A virtuous soul walks through those places in which it used to create the truth. On the third day, the Lord commands the soul to ascend to heaven to worship Him, the God of all. Therefore, the church commemoration of the soul that appeared before the face of the Just One is very timely.

Ninth day. The commemoration of the deceased on this day is in honor of the nine ranks of angels, who, as servants of the King of Heaven and representatives to Him for us, petition for pardon for the deceased.

After the third day, the soul, accompanied by an Angel, enters the heavenly abodes and contemplates their indescribable beauty. She remains in this state for six days. During this time, the soul forgets the sorrow that it felt while in the body and after leaving it. But if she is guilty of sins, then at the sight of the pleasure of the saints she begins to grieve and reproach herself: “Woe is me! How much I have become fussy in this world! I spent most I lived in carelessness and did not serve God as I should, so that I too might be worthy of this grace and glory. Alas for me, poor one!” On the ninth day, the Lord commands the Angels to again present the soul to Him for worship. The soul stands before the throne of the Most High with fear and trembling. But even at this time, the Holy Church again prays for the deceased, asking the merciful Judge to place the soul of her child with the saints.

Fortieth day. The forty-day period is very significant in the history and tradition of the Church as the time necessary for preparation and acceptance of the special Divine gift of the gracious help of the Heavenly Father. The Prophet Moses was honored to talk with God on Mount Sinai and receive the tablets of the law from Him only after a forty-day fast. The Israelites reached the promised land after forty years of wandering. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself ascended into heaven on the fortieth day after His resurrection. Taking all this as a basis, the Church established commemoration on the fortieth day after death, so that the soul of the deceased would ascend the holy mountain of Heavenly Sinai, be rewarded with the sight of God, achieve the bliss promised to it and settle in the heavenly villages with the righteous.

After the second worship of the Lord, the Angels take the soul to hell, and it contemplates the cruel torment of unrepentant sinners. On the fortieth day, the soul ascends for the third time to worship God, and then its fate is decided - according to earthly affairs, it is assigned a place to stay until the Last Judgment. That is why church prayers and commemorations on this day are so timely. They atone for the sins of the deceased and ask for his soul to be placed in paradise with the saints.

Anniversary. The Church commemorates the deceased on the anniversary of their death. The basis for this establishment is obvious. It is known that the largest liturgical cycle is the annual circle, after which all the fixed holidays are repeated again. Death anniversary loved one always celebrated with at least a heartfelt remembrance by his loving family and friends. For an Orthodox believer, this is a birthday for a new, eternal life.

UNIVERSAL MEMORIAL SERVICES (PARENTAL SATURDAYS)

In addition to these days, the Church has established special days for the solemn, general, ecumenical commemoration of all fathers and brothers in faith who have passed away from time to time, who have been worthy of Christian death, as well as those who, having been caught sudden death, were not guided into the afterlife by the prayers of the Church. The memorial services performed at this time, specified by the statutes of the Ecumenical Church, are called ecumenical, and the days on which the commemoration is performed are called ecumenical parental Saturdays. In the circle of the liturgical year, such days of general remembrance are:

Meat Saturday. Dedicating the Meat Week to the remembrance of the Last Last Judgment of Christ, the Church, in view of this judgment, established to intercede not only for its living members, but also for all who have died from time immemorial, who have lived in piety, of all generations, ranks and conditions, especially for those who died a sudden death , and prays to the Lord for mercy on them. The solemn all-church commemoration of the departed on this Saturday (as well as on Trinity Saturday) brings great benefit and help to our deceased fathers and brothers and at the same time serves as an expression of the fullness of the church life that we live. For salvation is possible only in the Church - the community of believers, the members of which are not only those living, but also all those who have died in the faith. And communication with them through prayer, their prayerful remembrance is an expression of our common unity in the Church of Christ.

Saturday Trinity. The commemoration of all dead pious Christians was established on the Saturday before Pentecost due to the fact that the event of the descent of the Holy Spirit completed the economy of human salvation, and the deceased also participate in this salvation. Therefore, the Church, sending up prayers on Pentecost for the revival of all living by the Holy Spirit, asks on the very day of the holiday that for the departed the grace of the all-holy and all-sanctifying Spirit of the Comforter, which they were granted during their lifetime, would be a source of bliss, since by the Holy Spirit “every soul is given life.” " Therefore, the Church devotes the eve of the holiday, Saturday, to the remembrance of the departed and prayer for them. Saint Basil the Great, who composed the touching prayers of Vespers of Pentecost, says in them that the Lord especially on this day deigns to accept prayers for the dead and even for “those kept in hell.”

Parental Saturdays of the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of the Holy Pentecost. On Holy Pentecost - the days of Great Lent, the feat of spirituality, the feat of repentance and charity to others - the Church calls on believers to be in the closest union of Christian love and peace not only with the living, but also with the dead, to perform prayerful commemorations of those who have departed from this life on designated days. In addition, the Saturdays of these weeks are designated by the Church for the remembrance of the dead for another reason that on the weekdays of Great Lent no funeral commemorations are performed (this includes funeral litanies, litias, memorial services, commemorations of the 3rd, 9th and 40th days by death, sorokousty), since there is no full liturgy every day, the celebration of which is associated with the commemoration of the dead. In order not to deprive the dead of the saving intercession of the Church on the days of the Holy Pentecost, the indicated Saturdays are allocated.

Radonitsa. The basis for the general commemoration of the dead, which takes place on Tuesday after St. Thomas Week (Sunday), is, on the one hand, the remembrance of the descent of Jesus Christ into hell and His victory over death, connected with St. Thomas Sunday, and on the other hand, the permission of the church charter to perform the usual commemoration of the dead after Passion and Holy Week, starting from Fomin Monday. On this day, believers come to the graves of their relatives and friends with the joyful news of the Resurrection of Christ. Hence the day of remembrance itself is called Radonitsa (or Radunitsa).

Unfortunately, in Soviet time a custom was established to visit cemeteries not on Radonitsa, but on the first day of Easter. It is natural for a believer to visit the graves of his loved ones after fervent prayer for their repose in the church - after a memorial service has been served in the church. During Easter week there are no funeral services, for Easter is an all-encompassing joy for believers in the Resurrection of our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, during the entire Easter week, funeral litanies are not pronounced (although the usual commemoration is performed at the proskomedia), and memorial services are not served.

CHURCH FUNERAL SERVICES

The deceased must be commemorated in the Church as often as possible, not only on designated special days of remembrance, but also on any other day. The Church performs the main prayer for the repose of deceased Orthodox Christians on Divine Liturgy, making a bloodless sacrifice to God for them. To do this, you should submit notes with their names to the church before the start of the liturgy (or the night before) (only baptized Orthodox Christians can be entered). At the proskomedia, particles will be taken out of the prosphoras for their repose, which at the end of the liturgy will be lowered into the holy chalice and washed with the Blood of the Son of God. Let us remember that this is the greatest benefit we can provide to those who are dear to us. This is how it is said about commemoration at the liturgy in the Message of the Eastern Patriarchs: “We believe that the souls of people who fell into mortal sins and did not despair at death, but repented even before separation from real life, only did not have time to bear any fruits of repentance (such fruits could be their prayers, tears, kneeling during prayer vigils, contrition, consolation of the poor and expression in actions of love for God and neighbors) - the souls of such people descend to hell and suffer punishment for the sins they have committed, without, however, losing hope for relief. They receive relief through the infinite goodness of God through the prayers of priests and charity performed for the dead, and especially through the power of bloodless sacrifice, which, in particular, the priest makes for every Christian for his loved ones, and in general for everyone the Catholic Church makes every day. Apostolic Church».

An eight-pointed symbol is usually placed at the top of the note. Orthodox cross. Then the type of commemoration is indicated - “On repose”, after which the names of those commemorated in a large, legible hand are written genitive case(answer the question “who?”), with the clergy and monastics mentioned first, indicating the rank and degree of monasticism (for example, Metropolitan John, Schema-Abbot Savva, Archpriest Alexander, nun Rachel, Andrey, Nina).

All names must be given in church spelling (for example, Tatiana, Alexy) and in full (Mikhail, Lyubov, and not Misha, Lyuba).

The number of names on the note does not matter; you just need to take into account that the priest has the opportunity to read not very long notes more carefully. Therefore, it is better to submit several notes if you want to remember many of your loved ones.

By submitting notes, the parishioner makes a donation for the needs of the monastery or temple. To avoid embarrassment, please remember that the difference in prices (registered or plain notes) only reflects the difference in the amount of the donation. Also, do not be embarrassed if you did not hear the names of your relatives mentioned in the litany. As mentioned above, the main commemoration takes place at the proskomedia when removing particles from the prosphora. During the funeral litany, you can take out your memorial and pray for your loved ones. The prayer will be more effective if the one commemorating himself on that day partakes of the Body and Blood of Christ.

After the liturgy, a memorial service can be celebrated. The memorial service is served before the eve - a special table with an image of the crucifixion and rows of candlesticks. Here you can leave an offering for the needs of the temple in memory of deceased loved ones.

It is very important after death to order the sorokoust in the church - continuous commemoration during the liturgy for forty days. After its completion, the sorokoust can be ordered again. There are also long periods of commemoration - six months, a year. Some monasteries accept notes for eternal (as long as the monastery stands) commemoration or for commemoration during the reading of the Psalter (such is the ancient Orthodox custom). Than in more temples will offer prayer, so much the better for our neighbor!

It is very useful on the memorable days of the deceased to donate to the church, give alms to the poor with a request to pray for him. On the eve you can bring sacrificial food. You cannot just bring meat food and alcohol (except for church wine) to the eve. The simplest type of sacrifice for the deceased is a candle that is lit for his repose.

Realizing that the most we can do for our deceased loved ones is to submit a note of remembrance at the liturgy, we should not forget to pray for them at home and perform acts of mercy.

MEMORY OF THE DECEASED AT HOME PRAYER

Prayer for the departed is our main and invaluable help to those who have passed into another world. The deceased, by and large, does not need a coffin, a grave monument, much less a memorial table - all this is just a tribute to traditions, albeit very pious ones. But the eternally living soul of the deceased experiences a great need for constant prayer, for it cannot itself do good deeds with which it would be able to appease the Lord. Home prayer for loved ones, including the dead, is the duty of every Orthodox Christian. St. Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow, speaks about prayer for the dead: “If the all-discerning Wisdom of God does not forbid praying for the dead, does this not mean that it is still allowed to throw a rope, although not always reliable enough, but sometimes, and perhaps often, saving for souls who have fallen away from the shores of temporary life, but have not reached eternal refuge? Saving for those souls who hesitate over the abyss between bodily death and the last court Christ, now rising by faith, now immersed in deeds unworthy of it, now elevated by grace, now brought down by the remains of a damaged nature, now ascended by Divine desire, now entangled in the rough, not yet completely stripped off clothing of earthly thoughts...”

Home prayerful commemoration of a deceased Christian is very diverse. You should pray especially diligently for the deceased in the first forty days after his death. As already indicated in the section “Reading the Psalter for the Dead,” during this period it is very useful to read the Psalter about the deceased, at least one kathisma per day. You can also recommend reading an akathist about the repose of the departed. In general, the Church commands us to pray every day for deceased parents, relatives, known people and benefactors. For this purpose, among the daily morning prayers included the following short prayer:

Prayer for the departed

Rest, O Lord, the souls of Your departed servants: my parents, relatives, benefactors (their names), and all Orthodox Christians, and forgive them all sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant them the Kingdom of Heaven.

It is more convenient to read names from a commemoration book - a small book where the names of living and deceased relatives are written down. There is a pious custom of keeping family memorials, reading which Orthodox people remember by name many generations of their deceased ancestors.

FUNERAL MEAL

The pious custom of remembering the dead at meals has been known for a very long time. But, unfortunately, many funerals turn into an occasion for relatives to get together, discuss news, eat delicious food, while Orthodox Christians should pray for the deceased at the funeral table.

Before the meal you should perform a lithium - short rank funeral service, which can be performed by a layperson. IN as a last resort you need to at least read Psalm 91 and the Lord’s Prayer. The first dish eaten at a wake is kutia (kolivo). These are boiled cereal grains (wheat or rice) with honey and raisins. Grains serve as a symbol of resurrection, and honey - the sweetness that the righteous enjoy in the Kingdom of God. According to the charter, kutia must be blessed with a special rite during a memorial service; if this is not possible, you need to sprinkle it with holy water.

Naturally, the owners want to provide a tasty treat for everyone who came to the funeral. But you must observe the fasts established by the Church and eat permitted foods: on Wednesdays, Fridays, and during long fasts, do not eat fasting foods. If the memory of the deceased occurs on a weekday during Lent, then the commemoration is moved to the Saturday or Sunday closest to it.

You must abstain from wine, especially vodka, at the funeral meal! The dead are not remembered with wine! Wine is a symbol of earthly joy, and a wake is an occasion for intense prayer for a person who may suffer greatly in the afterlife. You should not drink alcohol, even if the deceased himself liked to drink. It is known that “drunken” wakes often turn into an ugly gathering where the deceased is simply forgotten. At the table you need to remember the deceased, his good qualities and deeds (hence the name - wake). The custom of leaving a glass of vodka and a piece of bread at the table “for the deceased” is a relic of paganism and should not be observed in Orthodox families.

On the contrary, there are pious customs worthy of imitation. In many Orthodox families, the first to sit down at the funeral table are the poor and the poor, children and old women. They can also be given clothes and belongings of the deceased. Orthodox people can tell about numerous cases of identification from the afterlife about great help to the deceased as a result of the creation of alms by their relatives. Moreover, the loss of loved ones prompts many people to take the first step towards God, to start living life Orthodox Christian.

Thus, one living archimandrite tells the following incident from his pastoral practice.

“This happened in the difficult post-war years. A mother, tearful with grief, whose eight-year-old son Misha drowned, comes to me, the rector of the village church. And she says that she dreamed of Misha and complained about the cold - he was completely without clothes. I tell her: “Are any of his clothes left?” - "Yes, sure". - “Give it to your Mishin friends, they’ll probably find it useful.”

A few days later she tells me that she again saw Misha in a dream: he was dressed in exactly the clothes that were given to his friends. He thanked him, but now complained of hunger. I advised to organize a memorial meal for the village children—Misha’s friends and acquaintances. No matter how difficult it is in difficult times, what can you do for your beloved son! And the woman treated the children as best she could.

She came for the third time. She thanked me very much: “Misha said in a dream that now he is warm and nourished, but my prayers are not enough.” I taught her prayers and advised her not to leave acts of mercy for the future. She became a zealous parishioner, always ready to respond to requests for help, and to the best of her ability she helped orphans, the poor and the poor.”

For our readers: death anniversary when to commemorate detailed description from various sources.

In a narrow circle, the anniversary of the death is celebrated. How to remember, who to invite, what menu to create - organizational issues concern the family of the deceased. The memory of the deceased should be honored with acts of mercy, prayers, and visits to the cemetery.

The history of the days of remembrance

A wake (or commemoration, remembrance) is a ritual in memory of a deceased person. Usually the funeral is held by relatives; if there are none, close people and friends.

The tradition of commemoration arose in connection with Christian teaching. Every religion has its own rituals for remembering people. Adapted folk consciousness often combines several beliefs into one ritual.

Christian traditions are fundamental in Russia. Nevertheless, according to Orthodox rules (with funeral commemorations and prayers), only people who have undergone the rite of baptism are remembered. The exceptions are suicides, unbaptized, non-Orthodox, heretics - the church does not pray for them.

Dates of commemoration

In Orthodoxy, wakes after death are held 3 times. On the third day after death, on the ninth, fortieth. The essence of the ritual lies in the funeral meal. Relatives and friends gather at a common table. They remember the deceased, his good deeds, stories from his life. Dishes from the funeral table are distributed to friends, acquaintances, and colleagues of the deceased so that they remember him.

On the day of the funeral, everyone gathers to honor the memory of the deceased. The Christian is first taken to the funeral ceremony in a church or cemetery chapel. The unbaptized deceased, after saying goodbye to home, are immediately taken to the cemetery. Burial takes place according to the traditions of the region in which the person lived. Then everyone returns to the house for the wake.

On the 9th day after death, only close relatives are invited to honor the memory of the deceased. The wake reminds family dinner, with the difference that the photo of the deceased is located not far from the refectory table. Next to the photograph of the deceased they place a glass of water or vodka and a slice of bread. This is a pagan tradition, unacceptable for Christians.

Everyone is invited to the 40th day. On this day, those who were unable to attend the funeral usually come to the wake.

Then comes the anniversary of death. How to remember and who to invite is decided by the relatives of the deceased. Usually the closest friends and relatives are invited on the anniversary of death.

Christian traditions of commemoration

According to Christian faith, commemoration on the 3rd day after death is performed in honor of the resurrection of Christ (on the 3rd day after the execution). On the 9th day - in honor of the angelic ranks who ask the Lord for mercy on the deceased. On the 40th day - in honor of the Ascension of the Lord.

Church tradition says that the soul has been wandering since the day of death. Until day 40, she prepares for God's decision. During the first 3 days after death, the soul visits places of earthly life and loved ones. Then she flies around the heavenly abodes from 3 to 9 days. After which he sees the torment of sinners in hell from days 9 to 40.

God's decision occurs on the 40th day. A directive is issued about where the soul will be until the Last Judgment.

The beginning of a new, eternal life is the anniversary of death. How to remember the deceased, who to invite, what to order - these are important organizational issues. It is necessary to prepare in advance for the day of remembrance.

Death anniversary: how to remember

The mourning date is announced only to those whom the family of the deceased wishes to see at the funeral. These should be the closest and dearest people, friends of the deceased. It is necessary to clarify who can come. Knowing the number of guests will help you create the menu correctly. In case of unexpected arrival of someone you know, make 1-2 more portioned dishes.

On the anniversary of death, you should come to the cemetery and visit the grave of the deceased. After which all relatives and friends are invited to a funeral dinner. It should be noted that memorial days are held at the discretion of the family of the deceased. Subsequent discussions by strangers about the correctness of the ritual are inappropriate.

The anniversary of his death is approaching. How to remember, how to set the table? It is important to note that such events are conveniently held in small cafes. This will save the owners from the exhausting preparation of various dishes and subsequent tidying up in the apartment.

Christians reserve special memorial services at the church. You should discuss in advance with the priest all the activities that need to be carried out. You can limit yourself to reading akathists and funeral prayers at home, or invite a priest to your house.

Who should you invite?

A commemoration, the anniversary of death, takes place in a close family circle. How to remember who to call is discussed by relatives in advance. It is customary to invite only those whom you want to see to the godina.

Unwanted visitors may unexpectedly appear on the anniversary of death. The family of the deceased must make a decision - to leave the unwanted guest at the funeral dinner or not to invite him to the table at all. The anniversary of death is an event only for those closest to you.

You shouldn't have a crowded gathering. A funeral date, the memory of the deceased is not a reason for a noisy party. A modest family dinner, warm memories of the deceased - this is how the anniversary of death passes. How to commemorate is decided by the closest relatives of the deceased. A leisurely, calm atmosphere, quiet music, photographs of the deceased are a worthy way to honor the memory.

How to dress correctly?

Clothes for a death anniversary are of no small importance. If you are planning a trip to the cemetery before the funeral dinner, you should consider weather. To attend church, women need to prepare a headdress (scarf).

Dress formally for all funeral events. Shorts, deep necklines, bows and ruffles will look indecent. It is better to exclude bright, variegated colors. Business, office suits, closed shoes, formal dresses in muted tones are an appropriate choice for a funeral date.

How to properly commemorate the anniversary of death? With good memories in a close circle. You can give out alms - pies, sweets, things of the deceased.

Visit to the cemetery

During this time, you should definitely visit the cemetery. If weather conditions do not allow (heavy rain, snowstorm), this can be done on another day. You should arrive at the cemetery in the first half of the day.

The grave of the deceased must be monitored. Paint the fence in a timely manner, you can put a small table and bench. Plant flowers, weed out unnecessary weeds that give the grave an unkempt appearance. This is the anniversary of death... How to remember a person? Clean up his grave, light candles in special cups, lay fresh flowers.

According to Christian traditions, the synod in the 19th century banned wreaths with inscriptions made from fake flowers. Such layings distract from prayers for the soul of the deceased.

You can bring tea, alcohol, pies, and sweets to the grave. To modestly remember the deceased, pour the remains of alcohol on the grave, sprinkle crumbs - this is a symbol of the presence of the deceased next to the living. Many families adhere to this pagan tradition at funerals.

In Christianity, it is forbidden to bring anything to the grave. Only with fresh flowers and prayers should the deceased be remembered.

How to set the table

Table setting for funerals is standard. The only difference is to put an even number of dishes on the table. Forks for mourning dates are usually excluded. Such a moment in time remains at the discretion of the family of the deceased.

Dishes, in addition to those required at the funeral table, are prepared in accordance with the preferences of the deceased. You can add mourning ribbons to the interior and light candles.

For Orthodox Christians, bless the kutia in church. Eliminate alcohol, stick to fast and fast days– use them as a starting point when creating a menu. Pay more attention not to eating, but to prayers for the deceased.

Death anniversary menu

Like a regular funeral, the anniversary of the death is celebrated. How to remember what to cook? Kissel, kutia, and pancakes are considered obligatory at the funeral table. The symbol of Christianity is fish dishes - these can be pies, cold appetizers, smoked meats.

From salads you can prepare vinaigrette, beets with garlic, vegetable caviar. Serve sauerkraut, pickled cucumbers and mushrooms. Sandwiches with sprats and baked cheese. Sliced meat and cheese.

Fried or baked chicken (rabbit, goose, duck, turkey) is suitable for hot dishes. Cutlets or steaks, French-style meat or chop, stuffed vegetables or stewed lamb. For garnish - boiled potatoes, vegetable stew, fried eggplants.

In the form of dessert - gingerbread, sweet pies, pancakes, cheesecakes, sweets, fruits and apples. Drinks – store-bought juices or home-brewed compote, jelly, lemonade.

Exclude sparkling and sweet wines from the menu, as they are not fun party, death anniversary. How to remember? Give preference to strong drinks (vodka, cognac, whiskey), dry red wines. During a table conversation, it is customary to remember the deceased and his good deeds on earth.

Funeral in a cafe

To eliminate the bulk purchase of products, cooking, table setting and subsequent tidying, you can order small hall in the cafe. So that the anniversary of death passes in a calm atmosphere. The cafe staff will help you remember what to order. Their menu is not much different from home.

The cafe staff should be notified in advance that guests will gather for the funeral. The administrator will try to keep overly cheerful visitors as far as possible from the relatives of the deceased (if we're talking about about the common room).

It is usually customary to book a small banquet hall for holidays. Then the festive neighbors will not interfere with the quiet mood of the death anniversary.

If you don’t fancy a cafe, but want a cozy, homely atmosphere, you can order lunch at home. Agree on the menu in advance, set a time and delivery address.

Death anniversary: how to remember in church

According to Christian beliefs, the duty of the living is to pray for the deceased. Then the most serious sins can be forgiven. Church funeral services are designed to ask for forgiveness of the sins of the deceased. Not only on memorial days, but also on ordinary days you can order a memorial service.

During the Divine Liturgy, prayers are heard for the departed. Immediately before the Liturgy (or in advance, in the evening), a note is submitted in which the names of the deceased Christians are written. During the Liturgy, all names are announced.

You can order a magpie for the deceased. This is a commemoration for 40 days before the Liturgy. Sorokoust is also ordered for a longer period - commemoration for six months or a year.

An ordinary candle for the repose of the soul is also a memory of the deceased. In home prayers you can remember the deceased. There is a special book for Christians - a memorial book, where the names of the deceased should be entered.

While visiting the cemetery, Christians read an akathist and perform a litia (it is also performed before the funeral dinner, for which a priest is invited).

Almsgiving

On memorial days, attention should be paid to works of mercy. Funeral dishes can be given to those in need, acquaintances, and colleagues. This is done so that as much as possible more people remembered the deceased with a kind word.

A good reason for alms it is the anniversary of death. How to remember the deceased? You can distribute money, sweets, cookies to the poor at the church and ask them to pray for the deceased, to donate money for the construction of the temple. The things of the deceased are usually given to needy friends.

Almsgiving is a good deed towards the poor. Therefore, the family of the deceased does not have to distribute food or money to the poor at the church. You can find people in your environment (pensioners, large families) who would appreciate real help. Or take a small offering to a nursing home, boarding school, or orphanage.

Procedure for celebrating the anniversary of death

Notify in advance that the funeral date is approaching, and invite the relatives and friends of the deceased.
Choose a cafe or organize an event at home.
Visit the cemetery, the grave of the deceased.
To honor the memory of the deceased with a funeral dinner.
Give alms to those in need.

The anniversary of the death of a dear person is not only a difficult event, but also an occasion to once again remember what he was like during his lifetime. It is important to start preparing for the funeral date in advance. For deceased Orthodox Christians this is a very significant day. The soul of the deceased bids farewell to the earth forever. In Orthodoxy, the Holy Church established the need to commemorate the deceased on a year from the date of death as a birthday in a new eternal life. A man has died in body, but his soul lives on.

Preparing for the anniversary

It is necessary to celebrate the anniversary of death correctly, because it is a summing up of earthly life. To show how dear the deceased is to us, to tell, to remember what kind of person he was. Only the prayers of living people can help the soul of the deceased reach the kingdom of heaven. It is necessary to pray for the deceased not only in the first days after death. It is the duty of the living to pray for the soul of the deceased constantly, and especially diligently on memorable dates. Only our prayers can save his soul.

By this day, it is necessary to complete the installation of a permanent monument, fence, pave the surrounding area with tiles or sprinkle it with sand. In general, restore order and decorate the grave. It is very good to plant perennial flowers. Plant trees: conifers, birch, or shrubs: viburnum, lilac, thuja.

On the anniversary, be sure to visit the cemetery before lunch and bring fresh flowers. Light a candle and read prayers. You can invite a priest to conduct a service at the grave, perform a litiya.

Someone reads the akathist on their own and performs a litiya, reading the 17th kathisma. Ask the deceased for forgiveness and thank him for all the good things that happened and remained in your life after him.

What to do on this day

The first anniversary of death arrives. What to do and how to organize everything correctly, without missing anything, worries everyone who is faced with this. The future of the eternal life of the deceased depends on us. The commemoration of the dead according to the charter of the Orthodox Church looks like this:

Order a psalter for the deceased at the monastery a week in advance. If finances allow, then order eternal memorial. Some people order magpie in several churches. If there is a need for especially fervent prayer, you can join a joint prayer by agreement with Fr. Vladimir Golovin: for reading the akathist about those who died like one on Saturdays.
On the anniversary day, from early morning before the start of the service, or the night before, order a commemoration of the deceased: liturgy, mass, proskomedia, requiem. Light candles for the deceased, his relatives, parents: mom and dad. After the service, take a prosphora and remember the deceased. Orthodox relatives of the deceased must be present at the liturgy and pray for his posthumous fate.
At the church funeral service, be sure to consecrate the kutya for the funeral table. Order a prayer of thanksgiving for the fact that the Lord sent you to meet such a person in life.
If possible, buy for the altar: candles, lamp oil, incense, Cahors. Leave foodstuffs on the funeral table for remembrance in the church. These can be the most common products: sugar, jam, sweets, bread, cereals, fruits, vegetables. You can take flour to the church bakery to bake prosphora. The main thing is to celebrate the memorial with all your heart.
Give alms to the poor near the church. Help people in need. You can take the memorial to a home for the disabled, a nursing home, or help in some way to an orphanage. In general, it’s up to you to decide what to do.

Funeral dinner

If the funeral will be celebrated at home, prepare the hall the day before. Arrange the photo with a black ribbon, prepare photographs, video and audio recordings, and slides for memories of the deceased. Place fresh flowers, candlesticks with candles, and black ribbons on the table. Place images of the Savior and the Mother of God so that those who remember them can pray in front of them.

If the funeral dinner is being held in a cafe, take everything there in advance; they will take care of the funeral decorations themselves. A week in advance, invite relatives and close friends of the deceased to the memorial, notify them of the location of the dinner.

Think over and prepare things that you will distribute to those who come as a souvenir. It is customary to give away some belongings of the deceased.

There are certain customs for funerals of 1 year, rules for holding. For the funeral table, prepare the deceased’s favorite dishes. It is better if there are an even number of them. Usually a memorial dinner on the anniversary of a death, the menu at home consists of the simplest dishes:

Borscht with meat or fish.
Chicken or mushroom noodles.
Meat or fish dish.
Kissel, compote, fruit drink, juices.
Pies, pies, pancakes.
Meat and fish cuts, salads, pickles.

It all depends on your capabilities. The main thing is to surround the memory of the deceased with love; there is no need for scandals at the memorial, only warm memories and good words. Place a plate on the table for the deceased, and in it a glass of compote, covered with a piece of bread.

Before the funeral dinner begins, one of the relatives must read kathisma 17 from the psalter, perhaps the rite of litia. It is advisable that those commemorating before the start of the meal read “Our Father”, and after each change of dishes read: “Rest, O Lord, the soul of your servant (name).” It is important to remember that at a memorial service it is not the pomp of the table that is most important, but prayer for the deceased, especially fervent on memorable dates. It is necessary to pray for the soul of the deceased even after lunch.

After reading the prayers, the commemoration begins with consecrated kutya, which is prepared from wheat or rice. The grains from which kutia is prepared are a symbol of the beginning of a new life, rebirth, and resurrection. Kutya on the funeral table means the resurrection of the soul, and the sweets in it mean the joy of meeting in the Kingdom of Heaven.

Pancakes are also a must at the funeral table; they are usually served with honey. Everything else is at the request and capabilities of those who organize the funeral.

It is necessary to ask forgiveness from the deceased for everything. At the funeral table, you need to thank the deceased for being in your life, for all the good things, and indulge in pleasant memories. It is important to think through all the words for the anniversary of death in advance, to prepare a speech, so that later you do not get confused from excitement when you speak the obituary. Many people prepare a memorial verse for the anniversary of death in advance, write it themselves or rewrite the one they have prepared with their own hands.

It is very important to remember the first anniversary every day, you can’t do it in advance. Why? After all, the man was still alive. But there are situations when, with the blessing of the priest, it is necessary to postpone the memorial service to the next weekend. But on the day of the anniversary, be sure to visit the Orthodox church, you must attend the services in person, order a commemoration of the deceased, give out alms, visit the cemetery, and organize a memorial service later on the weekend. And, of course, don’t forget about the annual All Souls Day.

In Russia, it is customary to celebrate important dates - during life these are birthdays, and after death - to remember the day of departure. This date is especially important for Christians. After all, they believe in the resurrection and the next eternal life with God blessing. Therefore, the existence of the soul has no end for believers. How can one honorably, in a Christian manner, remember the deceased on the anniversary of his death?

Funeral traditions

In Orthodoxy, it is customary to remember the dead; the ancient Slavs also had such a ritual. It takes place on the day of the funeral itself, then 9 or 40 days later. On the anniversary of death, it is also customary to gather for a special meal. How to remember the deceased if he was a Christian? The most important thing is, of course, prayer. It is also necessary to refrain from heavy libations, or better yet, from alcohol altogether. Under no circumstances should ceremonial commemorations turn into riotous fun. This is very far from Christian traditions.

In addition to private prayer, on the anniversary of death in the church they order:

a special commemoration during the Liturgy is the morning service, during which pieces are taken from the consecrated bread for the departed. It is customary to order the so-called “Sorokoust” - they will commemorate at forty services;

memorial service - usually served on Saturdays, but you can arrange with the priest for another day. You can come to the funeral service weekly, but the anniversary is a particularly important day;

Lithium is another type of funeral service, it is somewhat shorter than a memorial service. It is served at any time; you can bring a priest to the cemetery to perform it.

It is imperative that the family members and friends of the deceased themselves pray at any memorial. After all, the priest cannot convey the feelings and emotions that loved ones experience. He acts as a performer of the ritual. Of course, his prayer has power, but you cannot entrust everything to others. After all, we are talking about the posthumous fate of a loved one.

But this is not all that is ordered in the church. The Psalter is appropriate for the anniversary of death. Usually it is ordered from monasteries and is done for a long time. Depending on the donation for a month, six months or a whole year. Again, be sure to remember the deceased yourself every day. For this purpose in morning rule There are special short prayers.

Church shops sell special books where you can write down everyone who needs to be remembered. You can take this book to church so that you don’t forget anyone when submitting notes. When the deacon or priest reads the notes, be sure to pray yourself.

Other days of remembrance

There are both private funerals and special church holidays, when it is customary to go to cemeteries. This is the so-called “parents day”, it is celebrated several times. On these days, we also need to remember the dead, regardless of when they passed away.

The 2nd Tuesday after Easter is a moving day. In some Russian regions there is a tradition of visiting graves on the day Christ's Resurrection, although this is not officially approved - Easter is such a bright day that it is believed that there are no dead on this day.

Even if this is not the anniversary of death, the joyful words “Christ is Risen!” all the departed must hear. Title y memorable day the corresponding one is Radonitsa. For everyone there is hope for eternity with God, so this day is intended for shared joy - in heaven and on earth. It is customary to have a meal at graves, bring colored eggs, pancakes, and distribute the leftovers of the meal to the poor.

All the deceased are also commemorated on other days:

Trinity Saturday is the Saturday before Pentecost;

Meat Saturday - before the start of Lent;

Saturdays during Great Lent - 2nd, 3rd, 4th.

The deceased person still remains a member of the universal church, so memorial services can be ordered constantly.

How to spend a sad anniversary

A dignified death is the crown of a believer’s life. IN daily prayers there are petitions that God will grant a shameless death. Orthodox Christians strive to confess and receive communion before meeting the Creator. There are special rituals that are performed on the dying person. After death they are no longer repeated.

In order for the anniversary of death to be celebrated with dignity, it is necessary to begin the commemoration in the temple. This could be a presence at the Liturgy, then at a memorial service, or simply a pre-ordered lithium. After this, go to the cemetery, perform a civil memorial service there, or read the 17th kathisma. After this, have a meal, remember the deceased, and clean the grave. Drinking vodka, especially pouring it on a grave, is not an Orthodox custom that will do nothing to help the deceased!

It is better to bring fresh flowers to graves; this is in accordance with Christian traditions. There is never artificial greenery in churches, because God has no dead. At one time, the church even tried to ban the tradition of decorating coffins with wreaths with inscriptions, but it was not easy to defeat it. This custom is not so much caused by greed or paganism, but is aimed against vandalism, which, unfortunately, is often found in Russian cemeteries.

But you can and should abstain from drinking. The pain of loss is great, but we must find other ways to cope with it. It is unlikely that the deceased will be pleased with such behavior. It is better not to spend money on intoxicating drinks, but to distribute it to the poor as a way to commemorate the soul.

How to remember the deceased for a year after death at home

You can commemorate the death anniversary at home. It happens that it is impossible to go to the cemetery due to various circumstances. Then it is necessary to invite everyone who wants to participate to prepare a special meal. The customs of placing a device for the deceased and covering mirrors are not Orthodox.

Before sitting down to the table, you need to pray. One of the relatives must read the 17th kathisma, or the rite of requiem. Candles are lit during prayer. Then you can start eating. It must be held with dignity, conversations must be decent, jokes and laughter are inappropriate.

Pagan meals for the dead were held with great pomp. It was believed that the more expensive and magnificent the funeral feast, the better it would be for the newly deceased beyond the grave. Triznes were accompanied not only by copious libations, but also by dances, songs, and competitions. The meaning of Christian funerals and wakes is completely different. They must maintain the prayerful memory of a person who is not even considered dead, but has passed on to another world.

Special dishes are served at the table. Kutya is definitely one of them. This is wheat porridge, which is sometimes replaced with rice. But its main feature is that it is prepared sweet, seasoned with raisins, other dried fruits, and honey. It is advisable to consecrate this food during the service. The sweetness symbolizes the joy that awaits the righteous in heaven.

Also a traditional funeral dish are pancakes, which are usually washed down with jelly.

Table setting should be ordinary. You can place fresh fir branches on the table and decorate the edges of the tablecloth with black lace.

Each change of dishes should be accompanied by the prayer: “Rest, O Lord, the soul of Thy servant (name).” You should also pray after your meal. But it is not customary to thank the hosts for the funeral meal.

When all the necessary prayers have been read, someone can also read poems on the anniversary of death. There are no church prohibitions on this matter. Poems should remind of the virtues of the deceased, of his spiritual qualities. Of course, everyone has shortcomings, but Christians trust in God’s mercy, try not to remember them, but to pray for their sins to be forgiven.

It is customary to celebrate the anniversary of death not only in Russia. The deceased are also commemorated in Asian countries. Japan, Vietnam, Korea and China have their own traditions. Followers of Judaism commemorate deceased parents, brothers, and children. True, their anniversary date does not coincide with the generally accepted calendar. During the funeral, it is customary to fast, meat and wine are prohibited.

How to honor the deceased yourself

What prayers are read at home on the anniversary of death to remember the deceased? The Psalter is best suited; the reading instructions are indicated in every Orthodox publication. In this case, they go between the psalms special prayers, where the names of the deceased are mentioned. This is the most the best option. You can also read akathists, but the Psalms were written much earlier. Also, all Christian churches recognize their inspiration.

There are cases when the Church Charter prohibits commemorating the deceased at the Liturgy, ordering memorial services for them, or holding a funeral service. This applies to those who were baptized, but did not regularly go to church, that is, were not churched. A person who takes part in confession and Communion is considered to be a churchgoer; all others are considered “parishioners.”

True, in practice, deviations from this rule are often made. It all depends on the ruling bishop. In any case, it is necessary to clarify this issue with the clergy.

It is also clearly prohibited on behalf of the Church to commemorate those who took their own lives voluntarily. If a person died in war while protecting others, it is not considered suicide. In general, death in war is one of the most honorable. But death from a drug overdose is a type of suicide.

However, the holy fathers teach to hope in God's mercy. You are allowed to pray for such people in private; there is even a special akathist for suicides, compiled in the last century. You can also add something of your own, but you shouldn’t be too zealous either. We do not know all spiritual laws; such prayers can end in mental disorder for someone who wants to do a good deed.

Why remember the dead

When a person has finished his earthly journey, he does not need any lavish funeral, nor an expensive coffin or marble monument. Prayer is the main help we can provide to our deceased loved ones. This is not just a tribute to tradition, but a saving thread that can lead a person to the Kingdom of God. It is especially important to pray in the first days when the soul goes through ordeals. But even after a year or two has passed, this must be done.

How to properly remember the dead

How to remember the deceased on the anniversary of death was last modified: July 8th, 2017 by Bogolub

Since ancient times, Russia has preserved the tradition of celebrating memorable dates, and people honor not only the birthdays of living people, but also the days of departure from the other world. This is due to the fact that Christians believe in further afterlife together with God. Many citizens do not know how to properly perform a funeral service for 1 year. The rules are quite simple; they help the deceased find peace in the next world.

Commemoration of the anniversary

Commemoration is the oldest ritual that was carried out in Ancient Rus'. The main purpose of this ritual is to honor the memory of the deceased and facilitate his stay in heaven.. The basis of the wake is a meal, which the relatives of the deceased spend in his apartment, cafe, or directly at the cemetery. When the anniversary of death is commemorated, and how to honor it, you can find out in the temple.

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Memorials are celebrated on the following days:

on the day of death or the next day;
on the 3rd day after death. Most often this day is the day of the funeral;
on day 9;
on day 40;
in the future, the meal is carried out on the sixth month from the date of death, and all subsequent anniversaries.

The most important is the commemoration on the 3rd, 9th and 40th day after repose. In Christianity, they are of the opinion that for the first 2 days after leaving for another world, the human soul is still on earth and goes around all its native places. On the third day the soul goes to bow to God.

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For the next 7 days, angels will show the soul life in heaven and the beauty of paradise. On the 9th day, the soul is again sent to worship God, after which it is led to the kingdom of darkness - hell - for 30 days.

For a month, the soul of the deceased is shown the eternal torment of sinners. At the end, on the 40th day, the soul is again taken to bow to God, where a decision is made in which exact place the soul will be until the Last Judgment.

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In addition, you can remember a deceased relative on the following days:

second Tuesday after Easter. On the holiday itself, it is not worth remembering the dead, since Easter is a holiday of living people;
the next Saturday before Lent;
2, 3, 4 Saturdays of Great Lent.

Since a baptized deceased person is a member of the Orthodox Church, you can order a memorial service and magpie for him at almost any time.

It is important to know! If the anniversary coincides with an important day church holiday, it is recommended to postpone it to the next day.

Commemoration in church

The most important thing for remembering the deceased is not the meal, but prayer. If the deceased was a Christian, there is nothing more valuable to him than prayer on the anniversary of death. In addition, clergy advise relatives to refrain from a luxurious dinner and alcohol on the anniversary of death.

Lunch should be quite simple and modest. Funerals for 1 year and all subsequent times should absolutely not turn into a cheerful feast, since such a pastime is not welcomed by Christian traditions.

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In addition to personal prayer, you must order a commemoration in the church for the year:

remembrance at the proskomedia. This rite represents the first part of the liturgy, during which the priest takes out small pieces from the prosphora for peace and health.
most often the “sorokoust” is ordered, then the deceased will be commemorated at 40 services in a row;
memorial service. Usually held in churches on Saturdays or Sundays, but if necessary, you can arrange with the priest to hold it on another day;
lithium. Another common type of funeral service. It can be done at any time. It is also possible for a priest to visit the cemetery.

The most important condition is that the deceased is remembered by all his relatives. The priest does not always know the deceased personally, so he cannot express the emotions that friends and relatives experience.

The priest, in fact, is only the performer of the ritual. The rules of the event allow for ordering the reading of the Psalter. This service is more often carried out in monasteries, since it is designed for a long time. Depending on the size of the donation, the service will be held for a month, six months or even a year.

It is important to know! When ordering a service in a church, you can include in the note not only the name of the deceased, but also other deceased relatives.

Basic Rules

The rules for holding a memorial service in 1 year are such that the event must first begin with a visit to the church. Only after relatives have ordered a special service can they go to the cemetery and perform a civil memorial service.

After this, the relatives must clean up the grave, mention how good the person was, what good deeds he did. It would also be a good idea to bring fresh flowers. It is very important to remember that you are allowed to go to the cemetery only in the first half of the day.

After completing these steps, you can start eating. It is permissible to carry it out not only in the house of the deceased, but also in a cafe. The clergy do not advise having a luxurious dinner; the dishes should be quite simple. As for alcohol, only red wine is allowed to drink; vodka cannot be placed on the table.

Funeral dinner

How to remember the deceased on the anniversary of death should be decided only by relatives. But clergy advise paying attention to the oldest traditions. Often loved ones ask the question not only how to commemorate, but also with what. Lunch dishes should be modest. Be sure to prepare not only the first and second, but also kutya (wheat porridge with raisins, candied fruits and honey). It is recommended to make snacks on this day (especially if you decided to put wine on the table). Among alcoholic drinks, cognac and Cahors are allowed. Sparkling wines are not suitable for this occasion.

Often parishioners ask priests what they order in the church on the anniversary of a death, if it falls on a fast. In this case, there should be mainly Lenten dishes and lots of baked goods.

If the commemoration takes place in a cafe, you need to ask the employees to turn off the music and TV. Entertainment is not permitted in the adjacent room. You should not make toasts, as it is inappropriate.

It would be better to just say good words about a person, remember his good deeds or read poetry on the anniversary of his death. You can also share warm memories with relatives.

Reference! What is forbidden to do on the anniversary of death is to say words that denigrate the deceased.

Remember at home

If relatives do not have the opportunity to go to the cemetery, how to remember the deceased and what to do in this case. In such a situation, you need to invite everyone home and prepare a special lunch. Many people mistakenly believe that in 1 year the rules imply covering mirrors in the apartment and placing a cutlery for the deceased on the table. The clergy claim that these traditions exist, but they do not apply to the Orthodox, so it is not necessary to adhere to them.

Every person who comes to the house must pray before sitting down to the table. It is advisable that the apartment be lit at this time. church candles. After reading the prayer, you can start eating. Relatives are allowed to talk at the table. The main thing is that there is no gossip, jokes or bad language, as this is inappropriate.

According to Christian traditions, dishes that are served to the table must be blessed. In addition to the first and second meals, lunch also includes dessert. Sweets must be present on the table, as they symbolize the joy that awaits all righteous Christians in heaven.

Important! Funeral prayer for the Newly Deceased One to read at home.

When preparing the table, you can consider the following tips:

One of traditional dishes Pancakes count at funerals. Usually they are washed down with fresh jelly or full jelly (honey dissolved in water).
It is recommended to place several fir branches on the table, and black ribbons can be attached to the tablecloth.
During the change of dishes, it is necessary to read a prayer for repose. Also, prayers on the death anniversary of 1 year (and all subsequent ones) are read after the meal.
When leaving, the owners do not need to say words of gratitude. This is not accepted at funerals.

Independent mention

If a person does not have the opportunity to go to a funeral, you can remember the deceased at home. There is no need to host a lunch for this. As you know, celebrating the anniversary of death involves reading a prayer.

This option will be optimal. Most clergy advise reading the Psalter. How to do this correctly is usually described in detail in the appendix to the book. Between psalms it is necessary to read special prayers and mention in them the names of deceased relatives. This type of remembrance is the best.

There are some exceptions in which the church does not allow commemoration of the deceased during the Liturgy. This applies to people who were baptized but never went to church. It is believed that this indicates that the person was an unbeliever during his lifetime. The clergy call such people parishioners.

Also, the church never remembers those who have committed suicide, since this is a voluntary rejection of God’s main gift - life. This rule also applies to those people who died from a drug overdose, since such a death is also considered suicide.

Useful video

Let's sum it up

Today, more and more people prefer to order a service in a church and believe that this is enough. Despite the fact that clergy can also turn to the Almighty with a request for forgiveness of earthly sins, relatives should also pray for the deceased.

Appeals from priests, as mediators and executors of God’s will on earth, reach the Savior faster, but reading prayers at home is also mandatory. First of all, the soul of the deceased hears precisely the words of relatives, and not church ministers, so family and friends definitely need to pray.

The anniversary of death (1 year) is a mourning date. On this day, relatives and friends of the deceased person gather to remember him. According to tradition, those gathered remember good deeds, which the deceased person managed to do during his lifetime, share their memories with each other, express condolences to close relatives.

How to prepare

It is customary to organize a wake for a person. The funeral event is announced only to those people whom the relatives of the deceased wish to see at the funeral table. Before holding a funeral, the relatives of the deceased person must:

Notify loved ones in advance about the approaching date of mourning.
Choose an establishment (cafe or canteen) for holding a memorial service or organize a memorial table at home.
On the eve of the funeral, call the invitees again and find out who is going to come.

It is recommended to serve portioned dishes slightly larger than the stated number of guests. This is necessary if an uninvited distant relative or colleague of the deceased comes to the wake. You should not pay much attention to the design of the room where the funeral meal will take place. It is enough to place in a prominent place a photograph of the person being commemorated, tied with a black mourning ribbon.

Funeral 1 year - important date, but don't invite too many people. It is preferable if among the invitees there are close relatives and those people whom the deceased person loved during his lifetime. But you should not refuse those who themselves have expressed a desire to attend the event (the exception is cases when a person came to the wake who clearly wants to ruin the funeral event).

Many people are interested in the question of whether it is possible to arrange a wake before the actual anniversary. The Church gives permission for this. For example, if the anniversary of the death falls on a working day of the week, then it is better to hold the funeral the day before on the weekend. Not all relatives know whether it is possible to have a funeral dinner during Lent. This is permissible provided that only lean food is present on the table.

If this option does not suit you, then it is better to organize the funeral earlier - before the start of Lent.

Visit to the church and cemetery

The Christian duty of the living is to pray for the souls of deceased relatives. Only through sincere prayers can the person being remembered be forgiven in heaven. That is why, for a year from the date of death of a person, relatives must visit the church, light candles for the repose of the soul and order a special prayer - a memorial service. A liturgy is served in the church, before which relatives present a note with the name of the deceased person. You should definitely visit the church in the morning. If a person visits the temple for the first time, he needs to ask the abbot about how to properly order a prayer service and light candles.

After going to the temple, relatives are advised to visit the grave of the person being commemorated, especially if it is summer outside. If a priest is invited to the grave, he can read the akathist and perform the litia. The ritual performed is also part of the commemoration, for which a person’s sins are forgiven. Relatives should say kind words and mentally ask for forgiveness from the deceased. It is recommended to bring fresh flowers to the cemetery. The clergy categorically prohibit bringing food to the grave, alcoholic drinks and cigarettes. It is better to bring candles and lamps to the burial site. Eating and drinking at the grave is a pagan ritual. This contributes to the spread of all kinds of garbage in the cemetery.

According to Christian traditions, the graves of the deceased must be kept clean.

In order for as many people as possible to remember the person by saying kind words, it is recommended to give alms a year after death. This ritual allows living people to perform a good deed, the result of which is to improve the afterlife of the deceased. Alms are usually distributed to those who need it - poor people. Relatives can treat colleagues and friends to something tasty, or take a small funeral ration to a nursing home or orphanage. After a year, you can give away the personal belongings of the deceased to those in need.

Funeral dinner

The table for a funeral dinner should be set modestly. It is necessary to prepare the first course, the second course, appetizers, and kutya. It is better to consecrate the Kolivo in church or sprinkle it yourself with holy water - these are the rules. It is recommended to exclude alcoholic drinks. In exceptional cases, you can put vodka, cognac or Cahors on the table. Sparkling wines would be inappropriate. If the day of the funeral falls during Lent, then the table should predominantly contain Lenten dishes. Any pastry is suitable as a dessert.

Many people are interested in the question of whether it is possible to make a toast. During lunch, it is appropriate for those gathered to say kind words about the deceased person. Poems, warm words in prose - this is what they say at the wake. It is acceptable to share your memories. The annual memorial dinner should not be turned into a holiday where people gossip, have fun, and utter words that denigrate the memory of the deceased person.

One year from the moment a person’s funeral took place is a very important mourning date. You should prepare for the funeral dinner in advance. However, it must be remembered that the main objective lunch and visiting the cemetery - commemorating the deceased person, praying for his soul. Don't do it just to please the people around you. If for some reason it is not possible to arrange a funeral or visit a temple or cemetery, then you can simply mentally remember the person and pray for him.

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What does the death anniversary of 1 year mean? Where to start a church commemoration? Cutlets baked with mushrooms and cheese

When should a funeral be held?

Visit to the cemetery

Funeral etiquette

How to seat guests at the table?

The history of the days of remembrance

Dates of commemoration

Christian traditions of commemoration

Death anniversary: ​​how to remember

Who should you invite?

How to dress correctly?

Visit to the cemetery

How to set the table

Death anniversary menu

Funeral in a cafe

Death anniversary: ​​how to remember in church

Almsgiving

Procedure for celebrating the anniversary of death

Preparing for the anniversary

What to do on this day

Funeral dinner

Funeral traditions

Other days of remembrance

How to spend a sad anniversary

How to remember the deceased for a year after death at home

How to honor the deceased yourself

Why remember the dead

Commemoration of the anniversary

Commemoration in church

Basic Rules

Funeral dinner

Remember at home

Independent mention

Useful video

Let's sum it up

How to prepare

Visit to the church and cemetery

Funeral dinner

Death anniversary: how to remember

Death anniversary: how to remember in church