Jokes for KVN will nourish student life. Jokes, jokes about students and teachers. The funniest jokes about the student and professor

Cheerful funny jokes about students, exams and student life, humor, jokes

Text: - Today we have a control

Student: - Can I use the calculator?

The teacher: - You can. Write down the topic - serfdom in Russia in the 19th century.

On the laboratory in the medical institute, the teacher throws the rainworm into the flask with vodka, he blows.

Type: - What does this mean?

Student: - To drink harmful, or what?

The teacher: - right.

Thinks a second worm in a flask with dissolved nicotine. The worm breathes.

What does it mean?

Student: - smoke harmful, or what?

The teacher: - right.

Throws the third worm in the flask with whipped eggs. Worm lives.

The teacher: - What does this mean?

Student thinking for a long time: - If you do not drink not to smoke, then worms are becoming. Right?

A student from Africa writes a letter to home: "Mom, I was called a young man yesterday. What would this mean? "

Mother's answer: "Son, I don't know what it would mean, but when your father found out that you were called a man, he fell from a tree and broke his tail"

The student has only two holidays - New Year and every day.

Real ad in the newspaper in the "Work for Students" section:

"A young girl knows how to quickly dial on the computer and write abstracts to the department of wine-vodka products.

What is curious, three weeks from the room in the room repeated, all those wishing were not.

One buddy other:

Where do you do?

Yes to medical

On whom?

On pediatrician

And what, this is already taught ??

Old professor:

I recently dreamed that I read a lecture. I wake up, and what would you think? I read a lecture!

History exam. Applicant knows nothing. The teacher squeezed:

Well, tell us at least something! For example, how did the Second World War begun?

Applicant: - What to tell? Bombat around, fire, frelica and tanks! Tanks! Tanks!

Opening in theatrical. It includes an applicant.

Chairman of the Commission: - Are you familiar with the work of Bulgakov?

Yes of course.

Then create me the image of Sharikov.

The applicant is enough of the balalaika, famously cares, suits, enters the image, so to speak.

The Chairman: - Well, well, not bad ... But there was not necessarily singing the Mantic Chastushki, and it was not worth it, and it was not worth it, and to shit on the floor and urine on the leg of the piano.

Cheerful jokes about student life, humor

In the campus:

Girls! Remove the panties soon, the boys will come for abstracts now!

In a few minutes:

Yes, what did you say? From the rope panties remove!

On the exam, the professor beats over the student battered an hour, trying to pull him on the top three. That heroically silent.

The teacher is tired: - Okay, tell me what lectures were?

Silence.

Well, then answer, who read them?

Silence again.

Last question: are you or me?

Exam in a military school.

Text: - Tell me who invented the Kalashnikov machine?

In response silence.

Text: - It's very easy to guess, Kalashnikov's automaton invented Kalashnikov. Understood?

Cadet: - I understood.

Text: - Then tell me who invented the Mendeleev table?

Cadet: - Well, Kalashnikov, who else.

We had in our university group "Oak" (not in the sense of knowledge, probably, but in the sense of desire to learn))) named Temom, who did not study, went to classes only in depression when it was blown in the picture and not figure :)) , Well, so. This hero comes somehow on German (we taught two languages) and "learning." The lesson was nonsense, the second seems to be a course, read on one offer from the German story based on the adventures of Baron Münhgausen :)). Tyoma comes across the offer:
"Leo came closer and closer",
that in German sounded like "Dair Lie Committee Naer Und Naer" ...
Tyoma who does not understand the German pronunciation, but, obviously, firmly remembering the rule that in German all the words are read as they are written (most of the words are really), and not blinking with the eye, it is written as it is written: "Der Level Committee Neur Yund Neuker !! " ("DER LÖWE KOMMT NÄHER UND NÄHER").
What to say, on the desks from laughter through the laughter lay everything, the teacher too. And the expression "yes, you would go fucking a nerd" became the most popular "promise" in our group.

The first checker in the hostel is divided with girlfriends:
"Yesterday we walked with a guy in the park ... I saw his former girl, she came up, greeted, carefully looked at me and asked him with a challenge:" Well, and that there is such a bitch, what about me?! ".
After a second pause, my bunny replied: "She has me ..."

September 2005, Indian summer, quiet and grace. Tails are all handed over, and students relax and relax. In 10-ke at Hospital 4/6.
Our compashka was no exception, so Gagusubas Teuk River, and beer hung a rocker.
Time is nearing 23:00. And here is one virgin (hereinafter D.) asks us to "register" her for the night in the hostel, because She, before her companion, Lyubertsy travelers to make a very pleasant. And the pass to it is discharged, i.e. If it does not fall tax until 23:00, then the person who registered her will be at, right up to deductions. Familiar with the end of the last name on "-ko" was not found, and it is necessary to develop a superplane!
Yeah, we look in stock: there are no long boards, climbing ropes are also through the window not to get.
But there is a huge Chumodan (modern, for tourists, with a code 3-tie lock). I could even fit into it to demonstrate D., as we swallow it. But it turned out, not destiny, with approximately equal mass it was halfolons above me. For the room in this Chumodan, this particular was required or sawing her feet, or shelter. We did not possess the required qualifications to perform this actions, and D. somehow suspiciously became looked at us. An option with Chumadan had to be covered with mezzanine.
And, about Miracle number 1, on the mezzanine I see a trolley, a sleeping bag and packages for construction trash! Voila, a new plan is ready!
The bag and packages fly to the kitchen window on the 2nd floor. There is a board from furniture. The trolley was lowered on the usual rope. D. brought out of the dormitory to the courtyard. On the "turntable" at that time changed a change.
Board on the trolley, D. in a sleeping bag in the embryo pose. Before you fully paint it into a black plastic bag for building debris and recycled him with a scotch, I also explained to her and everything else that we have 2 minutes for the whole "surgery", otherwise we will not only be evicted from the hostel, but we will register Less comfortable habitats. D. recommended not to twitch and breathe if possible, 4 times on the 5th.
Moved. I am coming this cart. 30 meters to the porch.
And here the "ravines" began: the whole "team", coming out due to the corner literally developed in half from laughter. My exhortation that you need to get together, otherwise the failure, the radio system will try, and the pastora is shot, caused even more laughter.
(I think about a second of the downstream). I have already rolled the trolley of those 30 meters to the porch, and the Korean and rusted at the corner. "By sending a cart until the next corner, I'll unwind, and let yourself ...... in your ...... Lyubertsy!, And what else to come up with?" - There was no thoughts.
And then, Miracle number 2 - it was Max with E4. "Radine will stay alive, and still pouches grandchildren."
He leisurely smoked and elegantly shook ashes from cigarettes in the urn.
- Max, help, please, to the elevator Kul to give, the parents of Havchik sent, and my neighbors dumped somewhere.
- No problem, let's help.
The first door to the Tambour - Ubay D. The head about the steel jamb (did not even read).
- Max, is inactive, there are some more banks!
- OK.
The second door is without loss.
We approach the "turntable" - a miracle number 3 - a virgin years of 20 years, with such an expression of a person that the 9-3rd chicks will be similar from 300 goals. The rest - much smarter. Open the gate, two high staircase march, elevator button, stopwatch in the head. Doors are closing. I dramatically landing to the corner on the trolley and starting to pull it. There is a third sensitive nozzles on the back of the back of the Max. He thought, I suppose that I was cuddled so that I decided to eat right in the elevator. But when I deramed the package, His gaze appeared by D. with the face of the color of boiled coats and the eyes of a poketing mouse. Wrapped, I met my eyes with Max. I remembered this look forever.

The people were recorded in the student spirit orchestra for two additional points during distribution. I was not worried about these strange points, I was an excellent party, I stupidly liked to blow it. I also liked to hear the sound of the Orchestra from the inside, I liked that the notes are much easier for pianos that the Chervonets was given for any solemn event, and that I was easily given all this.
But they were not the times to make it possible to blear the sake of money, points or pleasure. As part of the ideological struggle, we were strictly indicated to take part, to protect the honor and not to hit the mud at the competition of amateur orchestras of Leningrad universities.
Our orchestra was led by a conductor from the theater of a musical comedy. High demands did not prevent, but asked to observe the procedure of notes and not to be knocked down from the rhythm. The news about the competition for some reason he promoted him.
"So, after all, it's not for long and hackless," he said concernedly, not referring to anyone.
For the speech was chosen Popourry on the topics of songs of Soviet composers. However, the choice was small - either a variety of military times, or not the military. Of course, we chose the military and started rehearsals.
Music line led several tools. The rhythm was answered by large and small drums, the first pipes played the main melody, the second walked on the flames below, the flutes whistled in the clouds, alto and tenor Saxcorn elastically accompanied, and we, the Saxcorn bariton, step-by-stepwise enriched the sound by counterpoint. Tuba, the support bass, was alone, in small orchestras always one tube, the tube works where there is no one, and it is always well audible.
In our orchestra, there was a Shura Kotsyubinsky on the tube, nicknamed Kots.
Small growth, continued, in large ridiculous glasses, Kotsyubinsky was a bitter drunkard, a two-way and a brilliant electronics. The question about his deduction from the Institute has been standing in itself. And all that sounded and glowing in the hostel was collected or repaired by his hands.
Kotsyubinsky acquired wide fame due to the occasion with an analog-computing machine. Kota organically got only drinking and soldering. Outside these classes, he felt bad. At the seminar, the Dovesman of Zlatkin, tormented by a hangover thirst for Kotz leaning on AVM, which I moved to the floor and crumbled. Shurik frowned.
"Now you finally contribute to you," Zlatkin was delighted.
Kotsyubinsky shoved a chubby finger into the detail on the floor.
"I'll reveal everything," he said confidently.
"Two weeks a term," Zlatkin replied, having a private cunning.
The associate of the associate professor was that an analog-computing machine, invented, if you dug deeply, in 1642, did not work any day. A large iron box with a multitude of holes and light bulbs did not reveal his secrets.
Some argued that the department holds this trash only for the sake of alcohol put on the rubbing of contact groups.
Therefore, when in two weeks, the Koto repaired the car, there was no limit to universal surprise. Making sure that AVM works, the Associate Professor Zlatkin corrected the glasses and said like this: "I'm not sure that you can read, Cotsyubinsky. But the soldering iron own virtuoso. "
Kota was not exposed again. Because of the twos, he needed points, and he played on a tube.
Abm also worked for a month two, after which the cathedral laborators, diluing the alcohol to the state of the water, burned it finally.
Meanwhile, the rehearsals went, the competition was approaching, and our conductor was all sad. On the general rehearsal, he managed to drag the Vice-Retector and the Chairman of the trade union committee. After listening to our Popourry, management issued material assistance to which professional orchestrants were invited from the theater of the musical comedy. One in each group of tools, in addition to the tube, of course. I, in the bariton group, it was very appropriate, because the second bariton was just expelled. Musicians arrived in the morning, on the day of the competition.
"Call me Edward, a student," the tool from the professional was not crumpled and even glitter, "what Laba"? "
- Popourry.
- Well, let it be a pot. Pum, Pum, Pum-Pum. - Eduard began to read notes, quickly pressing the valves. - So, a student, look, Laba, and here Laba, and here, here are these tacts, I am alone without you. Condivated?
- Why without me? "I became a shame - I worked on this passage, the most beautiful place in the party.
- Well, Sbatsai.
I played. No mistakes.
- So, a student, and now Uncle Edik.
The notes were the same, but it sounded much louder, almost stunned.
- Recognized, student? You do not mean. Again, you will leave with your mint Mandula to the public, worst and set up.
"Maybe I do not set up," I said.
- Remember, student. Everything in the spirit of the orchestra is lacking! But Labuh, in contrast to the student, looks like?
- Seldom? - I suggested.
"It is unnoticed," said Edward instructively, "if, of course, it doesn't stick up," he added and plunged into some of his memories for a minute.
On the institute bus, escorted from responsibility, we came to the Palace of Culture, where the competition was held. As soon as it turned out, too early, the orchestras protruding to us were set. We were specified to fold the tools in the reserved room and wander around the DC, so that only half an hour before the speech to gather and swell.
- Otherwise, lips will sit down, and there will be a pouf-pouf, instead of Biam-ras. - Vispically explained the conductor. - Nothing is not to drink! Shura?
"Yes, I hear, I hear," Cots responded.
At the appointed time, everything except him was in place.
- Where is the Cotsubinist student? - In horror, the conductor was drawn, a trembling hand in a lonely tub.
"He forgot him," she explained someone, "he said that he would go for notes and had time to return.
- Who will have time? Cotsyubinsky will have time?
"He also had a beer in a bag," the flutist whispered for some reason, the future Markacheder.
- Beer ... - The conductor turned pale, - Well, everything ... forks ...
That day Kotsyubinsky lost notes. He went to look for them and lost himself. Kotts woofs two days later, they have a repaired pavement control panel named after Stepan Razin.
But what to do now, when after half an hour on stage, but there is no bassist, nor notot?
The output, of course, is only one - you need to look for Sasha Matsevich!
Sasha Matsevich studied at the Institute an infinite number of years. All these years he spent in Standalub, taking part in everything where there was at least some kind of music, be it choir, theater or jazz.
Always smiling, with subtle mustache, who did it look like a leaky brunet, Sasha adored to master various musical instruments. If for some reason he did not succeed at once, which happened rarely, he was removed from the world to the long surgery of the scene and after a week, another returned happy, gladly playing on a new instrument in any, named it styles. Sasha loved music, and music loved Sasha.
Of course, Matsevich could not miss such an important musical event and was somewhere nearby. He was found with the gobine in his mouth, he studied the oboe, he liked the sound.
- Sasha, take off the oboe, take a tube. - the conductor spoke excited him, - you can be on a tube, right?
"Probably I can," Sasha answered, "did not try.
- That's great. Sasha, we have no notes. Look, here is the part of the pipe, in every tact of your first share of yours, and preferably the third too, here we change the tonality, and here we change, and yet, where the pipe "before", you have a "si bembol".
Matsevich glanly glanced notes, threw the mouthpiece, blowing. The sound turned out dense, velvety.
- Can I add something from the soul to the code? He asked the conductor.
- Sasha, you can do everything.

On stage, bright light beat into the eyes, in the first row Belelles strict the jury, behind them the darkness. From excitement, and maybe from an excess of young forces, we acted with unprecedented enthusiasm. In a moment, the wrong breathing was disappeared, the notes were disappeared, the taped valves, for a moment instead of all these little things we felt music. Our copper pipes sang! Yes, we all lag in them, because in the spirit of the orchestra everything looks, but they did it imperceptibly like real musicians.
And only one tool was not mistaken, only one voice, low, powerful, rolling, confidently led the orchestra through the tonality and code, skillfully playing the timbre, moving from the Balus Major to the Minor of War Days to the tearing soul. Sasha, Sasha, where are you now?
We did not receive the main prize. But the jury disassembled in music. An honorable diploma came to the institute, which was then lying around in Standablub for many years. It said:
"Alexander Kotsyubinsky is awarded for the brilliant speech at the competence of amateur orchestras of Leningrad universities."

In 94 was a first-year student. Saturday morning call me to the phone at Wahter - Sister calls. He says that in the store where it works, urgently requires a watchman for the next two nights, and then, they say, they will find a permanent one.
I come in the evening to the store attached to the residential house. Show me - where is the kettle, where, where, a list of emergency telephones, director of the store and his damage. I'm interested in what happened to their permanent guard. It turned out, - by the previous night he called the director and private security. He was heard voices in the store. Mentals and director, together with a guard, went around all the premises - did not find anything. And this watchman drove a little. And that night was with a smell. Two hours passed - the director calls again, and in private. He went around the whole store. Again everything is fine. The watchman abruptly assures that heard voices. He called him a psychiatric chip, the white brothers invited him to the ambulance, and taken away. It was already in the morning, and the night did herself director. Well, and then here they were invited.
I took something to eat something, Yana's three-volume meter, and was quite pleased with such a good part-time job. On the second night suddenly hear the voices. The store went around - everything is usually, and the voices are disappeared. But heard obviously. Got further read. Again voices. I took some stick-Dubyka again bypassed the room ... and discovered the wall, near which the voices were heard. Corrected then - for this wall there was something like a spare exit from the house, in the Tamburo whose youth hung at nights. When they spoke loudly - they were heard in the store.
In the morning spoke about my opening director. I say: "You are a guard, you take your psychoshet," ... But, as I understand it, - Psychiatry Science is complicated. This watchman did not return to the former work, and I worked there almost all my studentism.

How my friend docessor saved

At the institute studied, just say - not always intense. Especially on non-core disciplines. And here is the exam ... We do not know anything, there are no abstracts, - the situation is familiar to many. Sit three groups amphitheater - the teacher is somewhere below. I watch a ticket - one question from seven vaguely, I guess. And that's it. Three books with them were - I did not find anything in them. Ask not anyone - our everything is like me, only worse.
I looked at the top to the young assistant, that we took - the face is very sad and remembered. I think: "We must go! The first traditionally on the score is higher for courage, it means there is a chance for the top three. "
Something pitifully depicted on a leaflet, I go to the associate professor. He is asking:
- Ready?
Shrews in response:
- Well, like this…
There was a lot about optics in the ticket. Two lines that I wrote, I try to stretch out five minutes. And from him a rushing rushing, and even it is not clear why he is more stuck - with a hangover or from nonsense that I carry. He wrinkles, and with a distinct suffering in his voice, with an effort pushing words, says:
- Nuuu, you somehow did not really prepare this question ... Maybe the next better will be?
He listens again to my Achinea, wrinkles, covers his eyes ... I lean to him closer, whisper:
- What, brother, Khrenovo?
He is surprised:
- And what, can you help?
I am confident:
- no question at all! Only three of us.
- How long does it need?
Before the small-winding market on Novoslobodskaya was 10 minutes. I answer:
- Half an hour - and I'm here!
He looked at the clock, to the full audience, and nodded smoothly. It was clearly afraid to sharpen the headache with a sharp movement.
Run to the market. Liter of vodka, beer, sausages some smoked in vacuum, chips, something else ...
Returning to the audience: "Allow?"
He is delighted and noticeably cheered up:
- Come!
Rises a look at the audience:
- So! All prepare, do not break the discipline! Do not try to write off!
I take my package, and goes to the laboratory assistant. I return for my desk.
Here everyone was shaking, whispering ...
He comes out again - the face is smoothed, the shoulders have dealt with, the view is confident ...
I go to him - announces: "Solid Four!"
I remind you: "Troy us." And I stretch a piece of paper with two surnames. He nods.
I go out of the audience. My two friends are still in the corridor. I say: "Go faster, hand!"
…
Here, five years ago met with them, remembered this case - they say: "There was no it!" Ungrateful ...
And the most interesting then it was that not only I was so smart. And after the exam, the teachers were detained there with our hotels. One of them is there only on the third day found and took home.

Dad told.

He passed the exam in a ship. In the audience, everything quietly write. The teacher sits at the table, extinguishing from all the newspaper, and reads. Dad as a mouse redraws something from a big Talmud under the desk.

Suddenly, the newspaper rushed, and Dad throws her Talmud to the desk. And the party without the bottom, there is a powerful tying! The eyebrow is crawling up, he looks in question on dad. Dad looks into his eyes and, trying to sound the voice ease, gives out:
- Oh, flossing fell.

The teacher expands the newspaper again, the exam is going on with his guy.

He lived in a hostel a couple: he and she. He is brutal from Samara, swing, but at the same time drew cool. She is from Irkutsk, the soul of the company, it is difficult to surprise something with something or attenuate ... But there was one case when the Punch paint did not go for several days. And there was a case so ...
Somehow in the evening, 3 floors woke up from a rigid screen. Gathered in that wing of the hostel people. For stakeholders, he put on the kitchen trash: the base of the iron bed (grandmother's type with a grid), the sidewalls, and then another reason ... People quietly crashes, break the two-chip it is necessary ... The people are in a friendly 10+ on the bed trainee and Silently asks the question (what happened)? He silently waved his hand and went back to the room with hot. She ("innovate me", modest and buggy!) Sympathetic views ran to her room ... The evaluation for modesty, the people do not remove and fucking a musolite of the day 2-3 ... until it finds out the sequence of events:
At the peak of activity, she began to hold on to the top tier, he felt an additional support decided to show all his delets ... At the peak itself, she removes the top tier of the two-tier bed with a loop, under the additional resonance, sidelines sidewood diverge to the sides, breaking the lower bed loop with lowering on the head of lovers of the upper tier and their own on the floor ...
With the awakening of the hostel late in the evening .... \u003d)

Teaching technical translation. Often I am "from the Russian language and understanding of the process," without this there is no good translation. I promised students with an automaton, if they raise a certain number of points for the semester, responding to spontaneous questions on technology and logic at the same time .. Yesterday, two student gave Hochma.
I say what is the difference between drying and dryer? (Dryer - Machine, drying - process) Reply: Dryer for dishes, and drying is a bakery product. Smile. Next comes out. I ask how the alloy differs from the melt? (The alloy is the composition, the melt is an aggregate state) replies: the alloy - when it is getting rid of the melt, this is when something is spilled on the floor.
:-) Probably, the notebook will start and write these dumps. At least I will arrange an expanded harsh standing on the same issues with the threat to prevent the exam. Well, or cabbage arranged on the 5th year, we laugh ...
It is sad that the guys are altogether only dirty and don't even try to answer ... What am I doing wrong ??
Nobody laughed when I asked on the first lecture: who was a wife from Boyle Mariotta ... What is led to school ??
No one answered the question - what is common to Limon with aspirin.
Nobody replied that in general in Zorge with Pasternak (knowledge of languages). Asked who these are ...
No one answered how the spatial figure is the maximum simplified form of a person's body (cylinder)
Nobody answered how many fabric it is necessary to attach a poster end of two meters high and a meter diameter ...
The secretary at the department said, students call me boring. I am 30 years old, I come to work on a motorcycle, high, fashionable, dance, laughing, telling jokes in English ... a bore, in short. :-)
I ask: why if on a bottle with vegetable oil to write "without cholesterol", then this is nonsense? Do not know and do not want to know. Why did they go to study on technical translators? ... I do not understand.

Once at the university, the teacher told us that the level of knowledge is so low that one of us is unlikely to remember what the Falez Theorem is. As I studied in a physico-mathematical class, then it was not difficult to tell her. After that, I deserved respect for the tag and the whole group to the end of the semester. More Falez Theorem I did not need in life.

Send a crowd of students in the dress in the kitchen. Ask Porpora:
- Is there a potato-potato?
- And how! Crew - 5 people ...

The boy at the seminar reads a report. Long reads, tediously, while the rank strangers to him. So he read it almost until the end ... Guess what the last words were in his report?
- Well?
- "The source is not specified 68 days"!

No body - no case

Dean could not calm down almost until the morning. He ran around the camps and shouted, threatened to deduct everyone immediately, then grabbed unfortunate jeans with a sweater and from all over Mahu, with a crunch, asked them on the number of wooden fence. And only then the decan came to himself a little and remembered that he was still the dean of a serious faculty, sat down in his "Zhigul" and left back to Leningrad. More in the collective farm we did not see it.

And it was like: I went to the 90th year, we were just accepted for the first course and, as it was turned out, we went to the collective farm for a month.
Naturally: the lack of parents, the youth multiplied by fresh air, songs under the guitar, took their own and among us there were sustainable and not very, couples in love. But there was one difficulty - no place, because the forest, the night, rainy September in the Leningrad region, not particularly had. In all our camp there were only four rooms with doors and a roof: a female barracks, a man's barrack, a bath and a dining room. The barracks immediately noted, yet we were only freshmen. The dining room on the night was closed by a lock, the magnitude of the Clown Gury, so that the bath remained, or rather the steam room in it. Someone attached from the inside the steam hook and became quite comfortable and safely engaged in nonsense.
The only difficulty is the queue that was made up, almost for a week in virtue, yet the people of two hundred and small and all about the same goals and objectives.
And here is one cold night, the terrible thing happened, then what everyone was afraid, but in reality did not expect anywhere - the great and dangerous Boris Ivanovich - Dean of our faculty.
He, apparently, he himself was once a student, so he immediately smacked and rushed into the bath to catch someone there on the hot (in a figurative sense) and of course expel an immoral couple from Komsomol, but as a result from the Institute.
Naturally, at this time in the steam room, someone booked and moved objects, and male and female things were lying on the shop in the pre-banker.
Dean Zloradno called, began to pull the closed door and announced those who inside that they would not help them and wait for their solemn deduction. It's time to open the door, dress, collect the suitcases and to the Black Mother to dump out of the camp.
Ten minutes later, finally came out absolutely naked guy in glasses, but the door behind him immediately closed on the hook.
Boris Ivanovich found out the name of the guy, the department and silently asked:

And what did you do among the night?
- We ... It washed.
- Truth? And with whom did you wash?

At the same time, the dean is disgusting, with two fingers raised women's jeans and sweater.

The guy was silent, lowering his head, and behind the door of the parley was heard the quiet female sobbing.
Suddenly, in the pre-tribades, it became very closely - this came our girls in the dirty working tanks and rubber boots. One of them officially and strictly said:

Hello, Boris Ivanovich, I am the secretary of the Komsomol organization camp. What happened here?
Dean began to explain, but he interrupted him:

How does it not want to go out? Yes, we ourselves from there with chopping! I also believe that this is not a place in the Komsomol and in our institute, but well, please, you still, you are still the man, then we ourselves.

Dean obediently departed for two steps to the side and began to observe with interest how the bare, while still Komsomolka.
The girls screamed at the door and the door suddenly opened. Immediately a ten Komsomolok man rushed into the steam room, or so.
Through half a minute, a number of ten Komsomolok came out of the parillers, or so (well, who considered them there? The main thing is that everything in the tanks and rubber boots) and the Komsomol Secretary brought confusedly:

Strange, Boris Ivanovich, no one in the steam room. Maybe there was no one? Watch yourself.

This is the dean and flew from the coils and dismissed the "drawing" jeans and sweater ...

There is a group of students in the desert. Suddenly see the deputy. Dean on the neck in the sand buried!
- Yuri Dmitrievich, who is it so?!
- A, another group was held here.
- God! They did not have enough sand?

The case was in a music educational institution, where the teacher is engaged in one student (so it should be). One on one, and immediately a lecture for the crowd.
Replies a teacher a student who constantly finds excuses to not come to a lesson.
- Well, how are you going to finish learning? Where will you go further? How much can I wear monotonous help? Where do you only buy them? Won Ivanov, a certificate of his death once brought even. By the way, here he!

Do you guys who have textbooks on quantum physics, higher mathematics or genetics? Give me please.
- Oh, how well done! Decided to take a science!
- To me for a photo shoot.

In the footsteps of the story about mysticism, where the author of the cemetery lost the ruble, and in an hour he found a 50-ruble piece of paper in the same place. Well, what to say ... without cemetery entourage mysticism is not enough. I mean real mysticism that would frost on the skin, and here is rather a chain of coincidences. I once found a 100-ruble piece of paper, very much. It was in 1992, then me with my young wife the hostess (the old woman in Mazzon) suddenly and dramatically kicked out of the removable room. The backup option was, but there was no money for moving at all. And so, I go out of the entrance all in sad thoughts, which will be necessary several times through the whole city dragged with knots and suitcases, and suddenly - Batz! Here it is 100 ruble paper, right under the legs. At that time, it was no longer big money, but it was enough to relocate quite.

And what's in this mystical? Nothing. Someone lost, I found. Just lucky and coincided.

True mystic is when it is impossible to explain anything to any coincidences. Ideally, in the future, blood and intestine, but incomprehensible way everything cost. It is such a mysticism with me and happened.

Preamble.

In the third year, a third student was tested to us with a neighbor in a shopping room. Unlike us, two, normal idlers and lobotryers, he was the right boring. Have you ever seen a student who regularly goes to classes in a black suit and in a tie? This one was just like that. Of course, household bore began ....

Whatever we noise and do not fool

Not played in pref until morning (it seems to me, he envied a little)

Did not give friends and girlfriends (but, being a compusor, he himself regularly spent crowded asset meetings, asked, and what's the difference?)

His bread, tea, sugar, etc. (and we were not talked, we had everything in common, he could also take our supplies, but did not want to

Etc. etc., in general, whatever we lead the correct lifestyle.

A separate puncture was purity. I will say honestly, our room did not differ in particular, even on cursory standards. In the depths of the soul, these impulses were understood and we even agreed with him. But it is necessary to know the measure in everything. Perfectionism does not bring to good.

In one of the autumn days, returning late in the evening from study, I found him extremely proud. He washed the window. Type feat. In fact, purely physically, it really was a feat. We lived in the classic multi-storey hostel buildings of the 70s, organized by blocks consisting of two rooms on 2 and 3 people, bathroom and a small hallway. Who knows, in such hostels the window takes the entire upper half of one of the walls of the room. The windowsill is very high, almost a half meters from the floor. The window itself consists of two parts - a small window for airborne, which opens the sideways, and the rest of the huge part opens from above. The area of \u200b\u200bthis rest is more than three square meters, a thick wooden frame, the curves of Soviet pens in almost the ceiling of the room, double glazing, and no one touched on decades. For me, it was impossible to open it, especially alone. And why? It is impossible to say that the window was very dirty, the dust will stick out, the rain is mocking, the lights in the station, the street is perfectly visible. Just a long time is not a mocky window, no crime. Again, what would be it necessary to open the furniture to move, my bed was standing under it. And he could do it all. Not very clear why, but I could. The hero. Bore Perfectionist.

The next morning I needed to the second pair. Neighbors on the room left me before. About 9 o'clock I woke me out a distinct knock at the door of our room. I opened my eyes. A knock, three shock, repeated. There was no doubt, someone from the hallway block pounded on the door of our treshka. "Probably, the neighbors from the two-room" - I thought - "What fig do they need?". I rose, put my legs in slippers, went to the door and opened it. There was no one behind the door. The entrance door to the block was closed (later it turned out that it was locked). I took a step in the hallway to find out who could knock it out ... And at that moment there was a terrible roar and a ringing of glass. That the most huge frame opened and, from the height of almost one and a half meters, collapsed into the bed, where I lay five seconds ago. Hero-perfectionist to open it was able to close to the end he somehow did not work out.

At first I was just surprised - from the screen, from the type of broken frame on my bed, from the thickness of the glass of glass shards there, from the dirt and from the feathers from the crushed pillow. Then I realized that if I lay there, then my minimum was severely cut, and my maximum killed. The upper part of the frame, describing the semicircle, flew to the middle of the bed, and the pillow was drunk her angle. Here I finally ohrenel, and this my reaction, of course, is understandable.

It is not clear who pounded on the door. In the whole block there was no one except me, the neighbors from dvs were already gone. I then looked at the common corridor almost immediately - there was no one too. In any case, I clearly heard that they were knocking on the door of our room, and not in the general door of the block.

I am now writing - and goosebumps on the skin, just like then. These goosebumps are not from the awareness of the prospects to be crumpled, but from what is completely inexplicable how I escaped it. Mysteriously all, because almost a day, this window somehow lasted on the spot. The dormitory, people enter and leave the doors of the Naraspa, drafts could squeeze it at any time, but it was kept. And when it fell, there was no draft at all, because the door in the block was closed. It turns out it fell and fell at some point without a special reason, but in five seconds before that someone knocked me on the door. Such is the confrontation of evil and good. And yes, although I did not believe in God and Ecstasons and I do not believe, but thank you, good something.

Is it not mystic?

P.S. I, being under the impression, did not even take part on the hero-perfectionist, just informed dryly (almost without mat). A month later, he moved from us to another block.

Gastritis brain at the teacher.

I once studied with three volleyball player athletes. Games played in a team of a very large enterprise, occupied some places. A clear thing, they were not before classes. But two after all the exams donated not bad, but the third ...

Alinushka - the absence of a bridest, the genius is a two-meter. Like all volleyball players, strong, muscular, but, sorry, it was necessary to learn at all at all of the economist. And not even at the village of Kostikov. It was easier not to learn at all. I would save time to myself, and nerves teachers. As she downed to the third course, it is difficult to understand. But the vessel hour has come - my subject.

Written exam. Seven tasks, three hours. Time came out, work passed. I sit, check. From Alina - a clean piece. Okay, considering that I was warned in advance, it was given the opportunity to reckon with another group, keeping a statement. Pure sheet. The third attempt is still with one group. Pure sheet. The fourth is the result is similar. And the dean of yells - close the statement. Closed, understandable, with a twos.

Immediately flew some chief from the factory. Long waved the belly and was angry with cheeks:
- The team prays on Alinushka. She has a terrible blow, no one takes. Without our beauty, we will not win!
- Are you? - I was surprised.
- Well, he was embarrassed by a speaker, this is generally. Please go to the meeting.
- I will do everything I can, I promise.

By the way, legends went about the strike of Alina. For example, one day after a workout, the girl sat down to relax in the park. Maybe he was fascinated by the feeding of squirrels, maybe he repeated the alphabet in the mind, but the moment of the phenomenon of drunk berendev passed unnoticed. The same, having seen a bored beauty, pushed the crazy passion and the desire to take away the body itch right here and right now.

Next was like in a fairy tale. Alina rose, and the men look at the navel and the divide and the divide: where did the girl disappear? And here because of the forest, because of the mountains take and arrive. This is our heroine waved at first with his left hand, and then right. Soon and the urgent arrived. Since then, the poor people do not drink and go to church every week.

Morality is simple - you need to be careful with this volleyball player, and it will be swam in the floor by the most bundles. By the way, I restrained the promise given to the boss. Moreover, showed a reasonable initiative.

So, having received a referral direction (for some reason, it was not entrusted with one aline), we started the exam:
- caused the dean, return after two hours, not earlier, just not to write off, understandable?
- Yeah.
Passed a clean leaf. It means that there is no abstract and with converting tight.

Second attempt:
"Alina, I'm leaving in Gorono, on the table my lectures, there are solutions of examination tasks, they do not touch them, understandable?
- Yeah.
And again a clean piece. Clearly, and the hints do not understand. It's easier to reach the skies, but I did not lose.

Third attempt:
- Alina, here are three tasks with solutions, but it is time for me to lecture, understandable?
- Yeah.
Yeah, damn! Clean again!

Fourth attempt:
- Alina, here two tasks! With solutions! Just rewrite! Will back in an hour, understandable?
- Yeah.

It seems to me that the ticket remembered even the plafof, but the girl stubbornly handed over a clean piece. Well, not the firmware. I had to close the first direction for reducing. In the dean, they shuddered: such a tempo and the deduction is not far off.

Immediately an old familiar from the plant appeared. Slimming, loyalty and with a baked eye, he sorely begged:
- Yes, put it three!
- For what? - I was outraged, - hinted to write off - I did not understand, I gave a written off - I did not take it.
- Maybe you yourself?
- What more! By the way, what's with the eye?
"This is Alina," the man sobbed.
- Are you seriously? - It is happening that they are going on there.
- No, it is to blame. I went to the gym, and she just beat on the ball. In general, not lucky. Rock random.
- for sure?
"Honestly, honestly," said unhappy, "everything is in order with me. Even walk began on the third day. Maybe all the same agree? You are good, you are a teacher.
- So you are the boss.
"Yeah," the man sobbed again, "he will not explain this."
- Okay, here is the task with the decision. Let at least turn back.

The next day, putting Alin, I sincerely wished either a fluff. And after a half hour later, he looked at (again!) Clean sheet. This meant only one thing:
- I'm tired, I'm leaving, and you are moving towards deductions.

The girl creaks his teeth and squeezed fists. Pancake! If she smys now, I will repeat the feat of those Berendev.

Therefore, I gently exhaled, neatly sat down on the contrary and shouted:
- Alina, blah! Delivered, blah! I already have a brain gastritis, blah! At night you dream ...
"Blah," the girl graduated.
- Do you know other words? Wonderful things, Lord. In general, so. What did you deserve today, just honestly?
- Three, - confidently issued Alina, - for the fact that I am here

She knows how to talk! But, even succumbing to Euphoria, I still clarified:
- For the phenomenon of ratings do not put. Name another reason.
- I do not understand.
- What?
- Your subject.

Is it really swimming! Or maybe everything is much worse? Tormented by suspicion, I asked quietly:
- Baby, what do you pass?
Silence.
- What is my name?
Silence.
- I'm a boy or a girl?
- Not.
- What not?
Silence.
- Do you know that you study at the university?
- Yeah.

Thank God, otherwise he was heated.
"In general, so, to talk while with a light bulb, she's on the ceiling, do not look there. I'm in the dean, I will soon come back. All clear?
- Yeah.

That day I went first to the church, then to the church, in principle, would go to the synagogue with a mosque, but they have not yet built them in the city. And heaven, I am sure, cried with the sincerity of the ascended prayers.

Yes! Alina finally got the top three! The exam allegedly accepted the supposedly Commission. Why didn't I put three? Because everything has a limit. In general, I wrote a statement at my own expense, and then it was a matter of technology.

In the evening of the same day I looked into the hut. But at night, a nightmare dreamed: Slim, like a poplar, factory head, squandered by a broken nose, Oral:
- Do not relax, Alina is still a diploma!

Thank God, by the time of her release I worked in another university. Sometimes, looking back, I try to understand, on Coy Alina it was a higher education? Although, probably, you need. After all, it is only to the navel.

Oh Herna in the middle of the diploma.

Let's first replant the original bike. Bike, nevertheless, is that a certain doctor of science noted the decade of his defense. At one event, he demonstrated his thesis, and, more precisely, the text "to the one who urges to this place for 10 years from the moment of protection, I undertake to put a bin of brandy." According to the author, the box remained unclaimed.

Now the postbays.

A specific graduate of Moscow State University, with the physical, and the GAIS, permits to publish the personal data of which I did not receive :), heard this bike and decided to imitate great. Cognac could not provide, so, as an honest person, I just wrote in the middle of the diploma "and I will not give the conclusion of this equation, because no one else will read anyway." And happily showed all his friends this phrase before defending. Moreover, it is precisely in that copy, which he then passed to the commission.
On the defense, listening to the next monotonous report of the next graduate, who bored chairman of the Commission in thought opened the graduation work on the first place. The first place turned out to be exactly the case at which the diploma was already opened six hundred and twenty-five times, and the book was "developed" - that is, the page with said phrase.
Here the graduate did not shine, but pale, because it urgently had to explain the same equation. What was not easy to make an off town.
But nothing, she defended all the same.

Already 120 years old welcomes students in the lobby of Dean of the Faculty of Taxidermia.

In the first year it was. Sit in a huge flux, a man 200. Silence. And then from the top step between the rows begins to slowly slot the bottle from the beer. Boom Boom Boom. Spent before the teacher froze. Everyone is waiting for what will happen. Quiet voice from the top rows: "Sorry, you can raise a handle?"

Was in our school, in those days distant, now almost epic (c) was the most terrible subject - the oppolution! This thing was terrible than the term and a latter taken together. Before the diploma, we had a percentage of sixty on the arrivals. (MVTU them. Bauman). And a significant part of the edges fell out on the concomprise. What is a "rule of Vereshchagin" from the conversion, who does not know, there is one of the fundamental.
On this exam, the most terrible subject, the professor famous for his terrible terribleness, asks a question to the poorhage: tell me the rule of Vereshchagin.
Student, without once without thinking, gives out: "Vereshchagin go from Barcas!"
Professor, not to mention the spirit of words, put him five!
Like this!!!

I work at the Canadian University. Today I go on the corridor, and some small student girl go ahead ahead. And so this girl goes, on the move in the phone sticks out. Which on the sides, and most importantly, it does not notice ahead. And in vain. Ahead of exactly the course of the door jamb. The collision of the stupid subject (head) with a solid subject (cant) is expected exactly in one and a half seconds. And then I begin to figure it out ...

"Fuck, schuhet. Accurately leaving. But it can be saved! How? Well, at least to cry. Although not. First, she will not hear in headphones. And secondly, even if he hears, it will raise his head until it looks out ... no, we do not have time. Whereas? Grab it to overtake it? So yes, I will stop. But grab by hand or for a collar? Stop, excluded. Lost female students. Then it will also complain where, say that I am a maniac, I immediately remove me from work. No, thanks, I do not need this gift. But on the other hand, she can head his bad to expand, how will I sleep at night? After all, I could stop her, but did not stop. Again, if it looks like this, it goes slowly, the cap is thick knitted on the head. Yes, nichrome will not be ... "

"Boom," said the door jamb. "FAB!" - said a small girl, and then went his dear, and I went myself.

About MSU
When I arrived in 1976 in Moscow State University, I was very impressed by the inscription in the Tsenovsky Toilet: "Abituro, fuck are you lying in the university?" Then quite often asked himself this question of a missing philosopher.

Inspired by the epigraph to someone else's story:
"Brilliant clowns know: a genuine junior felt in the audience" (Stanislav Hezhi Lts)

Just once in life, I managed to be "ingenious clown."
The case was on the first potato (before the first course of the institute). For us, Oh .. who were from s / h, decided to arrange an evening amateur evening, where I had to read a certain funny verse with an expression. I chose an excerpt from the poem "Working and Nights", she was ... Detight years ago "is widely popular in narrow circles" (at the bottom I bring her memory, because In the internet did not find her traces).
Two "commissioners" were sitting on the first row, as it was then called - senior students who are superior to us, "samples" on agricultural work. One of them was someone Lelik, it seems to be a third-hour, sparkling with a golden teeth in the mouth, and pretty rushing before the "cultural event."
I did not have time to pronounce two lines of text:

Dawn for expensive far.
Light dawn for a long time already ground ...

How Lelik felt from the laughter and fought in convulsions on the first row of five seconds.
The hall began to laugh over Lelik.
Lelik laughed by something 5 seconds, the hall was lit over it for another 10 seconds. I was forced to keep a pause of 15 seconds with a relatively "stone" face, then continued:

The first time solemnly, sad
I shouted for the forge ... Rooster.

The word "rooster" launched Lelik for a couple of minutes, plus another three minutes - the "Aftershok" hall.
I am completely cooling from such a "admission of the public", I continue:

I see - the cows go away
My house is bowed.
I scream them: cute, great!
And they answer me ...

In short, to my surprise, Lelik completely "did" this is my performance.
People sobbed from laughter, fell from the chairs and fought his heads about the wall ... without Lelik, I would never achieve this.
My classmate came to me later, a professional KVN-KNN, who also performed there (much better than me), but Lelikovo consciousness by that time it began to turn off, and he barely opened his eyes, so there was no "shocks" nor " Aftersokov ", the audience quietly restored the forces after multiple laughter explosions. So, a classmate, who did not manage to enjoy the tenth of the "success", who fell on "our" with Lelik ", a performance asked me in full:" And you with Lelik, who agreed in advance, or what?! "
It came here my turn is loud to regain ...

PS Text "Poles" (read by "dying", "poetic" voice, a la Boris Pasternak)
Introduction: "I recently visited the village here ... by chance ... I didn't go on that station ... According to the results of this trip, I was written by a poem from rural life" Working and Nights. "Excerpt from her I read you now"

Dawn for the expensive distance.
The light of the dawn has long been the ground.
The first time - solemn, sad -
I shouted behind the forge of the rooster.

I see - they go away the cows,
My house is bowed.
I scream them: "Cute, great!"
And they answer me: "Muuuu!"

I see - one of them throws
Sad look at all the surrounding world.
It can be seen, it makes milk.
That is - turns into kefir.

This would be a cow to make
Under some wide vessel ...
"Poet can not be
But a citizen - be obliged! "

But my things are called others.
I have a hurry to bird court:
"Hello, hookers expensive!

I went to talk about the nicknames, I remembered from the student. Now I will tell you ...
- Listen, why do you call a wolf or a wolf? His last name is not wolves, and in general it is a vegetarian, and does not look like alpha.
- Oh-oh, it's still with student years history! We went with our philologies on kebabs, Ivan with us - vegetarianism vegetarianism, and it's not a fool for fried eggplant-champignons.
The girls typed sounded, the wolf, too, goes, is brazed by thin legs about the grass. Something to Him Polina, we had such a Valkiriya, Asians from honey looked at it from the bottom up and told: "Oh-oh-oh!"
And she is suitable, puts his hand on the shoulder and the heroic bass on the ear so that at the whole forest:
- What are you going, stumble, wolf fishes, herbal bag ?! It moves the chords guy, this very song sounds ... finished, I postponed the guitar ...
Everyone enlightened silent, crackles the bonfire, grilled a kebab ...

And here the headman that the meat purchased, the nurthed such girl, blood with milk, helps to turn the shampoo and in the coming silence it will be summarized:
- What is a smart uncle! And really at a great price. Pork is still in a summer price, but the bird has greatly treasured in price!

Since then, all financial questions for her were;) Cat, if you read, hello!

About student tricks.

When we have in the Institute (MEI), students defended a diploma, anyone could have come to defend, and, respectively, ask questions to a diploma.

And I worried about the defense a little, the topic got a new one, that is, from scratch
he wrote everything. Similar works from senior courses simply was not.
Well, I decided to progress, a friend would have taken a friend, especially in a piece of paper, the question was prepared in advance.
Since the topic is generally not familiar - 8 classes of secondary school and PTU ended.
Of course, I subscribed it, three hours told him about his experimental cryogenic installation.

On the protection of my classmates in the back row of modestly sat down, and this buddy with them.
The piece of paper buried, the question is the key rehearse.

He graduated from the report, illustrated the details in the drawings, and I say:
- Installation is experimental, but it may go into the series. I lose questions.
And comrade from the rear rows is immediately:
- Why was this form of a cooling chamber been chosen?
As it was intended, I post all the trumps - why exactly, and not otherwise.

Teachers from different departments are closely listening to our dialogue, only occasionally interrupting insignificant comments. He defended on perfectly.

And my friend then says one of the professors:
- What faculty are you from? Come to our department, now we need a laboratory assistant,
and then graduate school.

Then Vaska first confused a little, and then found.
- I'll think about it, but as long as the Department of Physical Education in my priorities.

About one student trick.

I have a friend, what is called "Boshkovy's Guy", that is, the exact sciences were easy to him. But with the English language there were problems, in the final exams at the school he stretched out.

Well, then we studied with him in one group of technical university, where he just missed English seminars.
But everything beautiful comes an end, the session burst suddenly.
It is necessary to somehow pass to translate to the second course. And what came up with, launching another friend of our friend, which school with an in-depth study of English ended.

Credit paper clips in the heights, the middle changed.
That is, the photo on the first page from the connoisseur, that instead I went to pass, and the middle, where the mark of the test should stand, from the present.

Podded the day when the credits from late took the duty teacher.
Next, Miseanszen. It comes to the office "Walked Cossack" and tells her in good English:

Hello, I did not meet a little in a schedule for family reasons,
could you accept me standing?

The teacher stretches to the magazine and discovers that the person involved some tasks are not handed over. He, (still in English) begins to convince that this is a misunderstanding, just forgot to put in the magazine.

You know, I will call Nina Petrovna and clarify she, that you have handled there.
And begins to dial the number.
Lucky guys that no one took the phone believed for the word. Street was obtained.

And the unpleasant buddy turned to the second course, successfully graduated from the university, now he is a successful entrepreneur. He communicates with foreigners through a translator.
The son and daughter will grow up, and for their successes in learning English, he follows especially intently.

And somehow I said:
- And you know, because our Englishwoman would come to the phone, and my life would have formed differently;)

A student came to the dining room, and all the tables are busy, sitting on the professor, and he says:
- Goose pig is not comrade.
Student:
- Well, I flew.
The professor was offended and decided at the student's examination "Fall." Exam day. The professor gives a student the most difficult ticket, and he answers perfectly and the professor asks him an additional question:
- You go on the way and see two bags, one with gold, the second with the mind. What will you choose?
Student:
- With gold.
Professor:
- And I would take with the mind.
Student:
- That someone is missing.
The professor was angry and writes in the correspondence "goat", the student did not look and left. After some time it returns and says:
- Professor, you have signed here, and I did not put the assessment.

At lectures at the Medical Institute.
Professor:
- ... Also in the seed of men contain a large amount of glucose ...
Student:
- Professor, do you mean the same glucose, as in sugar?
Professor:
- Completely true!
Student:
- Then why is it not sweet?
All registered, Gerl blushed, and the teacher calmly said:
"Therefore, a darling that taste receptors responsible for the sweet taste are at the tip of the tongue, and not on the gland.

Students in the audience before the exam.
- Listen, what is your name of our teacher?
- He is not name, he comes himself.

Conversation of 2 teachers:
- Well, the group I got a stupid this year!
- Why?
- Imagine, I explain the theorem - do not understand! I explain the second time - do not understand! For the third time I explain. Himself already understood. And they do not understand ...

Student with a teacher at the exam. Teacher:
- Well, do you know?
Student:
- I know.
- What do you know?
I know the subject!
- Which subject?
- Which I rent!
- What are you handing?
- Well, you are already quitting!

Exam in the Theater Institute. A student shows a scene.
- The scene is called "My Dad Rector of this Institute."
- You have done
- Yes I know!

Listen, "the teacher explodes," I have already put a triple for the third time. Why don't you study? In the end, no one has died from the exercise!
"I know," the student says, "but it is better not to risk."

Students ask the teacher:
- Can we not come to your next pair?
- Yes.
- Will you not celebrate?
- No, I do not drink at work!

Teacher Student:
- It's hard for me to surprise me, but if you can - I will put a test.
- I know you are surprised by the student.
- Amazing! Come on the counters.

Professor:
- Mr. Student, wake up my sleeping neighbor!
Student:
- You put it on, - you'll be it ...

The student surpasses the physics exam. Looks very bad. The professor is trying to pull it out, asks:
- Well, tell me at least at what temperature water boils?
- Professor, I do not know at what temperature she boils, but I know that at 40 degrees it turns into vodka!

A joyful student pops up because of the table and runs to the exit.
- I passed!
- Wait! - Shouts professor, pointing to the counters. - We must note.
- Let's notice!

Funny jokes about students, professors and teachers gives you today team website website. Jokes about students and teachers are funny to tears.

The funniest jokes about the student and professor

According to the corridor of the university there is a professor. Towards a student:
- Hello, professor. May I ask you?
- Of course, ask, young man.
- Tell me, professor, when you go to bed, beard
On the blanket or under the blanket put it?
After some pause:
- Yes, you know, somehow I did not think.
- Well, sorry, please.
Divided.
A week later, a green professor with circles under the eyes
Meets in the corridor of the same student and grabs the breast:
- Well, you and the bastard! I can't sleep for a week - and so uncomfortable,
And so uncomfortable!

Have an exam.
Professor:
- You're three, stop passing to each other's notes!
Student:
- This is not a note, we are in the preference playing.
- Hau then sorry.

A student in the dining room is sitting next to the professor.
Professor:
- Where did you sit down? Goose pig is not comrade!
Student:
- Well then I flew.
Offended professor. Thinks: Well, nothing, I will roll you on the exam! Exam comes: a student rents on 5.
Professor: - But you have a question on the backfill: you go and see 2 bags - one with gold, another - with the mind. How will you take?
Student: Of course with gold!
Professor: And I would take with my mind!
Student.:
- Well, who is missing!
The professor whisked and wrote in the counters: goat!
The student leaves, and after a few minutes it returns to the publication:
- You are signed here, and I did not put the assessment!

Two students are found at the institute toilet:
- Hello! Well, how did the session pass?
- Well no! This old bald goat, does not want to put me offset.
From the nearest cabin comes a goat voice:
- And do not put!

The student goes to the exam and thinks: "I will rent it, I will not pass - I will drink too." Bought a bottle. I put in my pocket and went to give up. Replies by ticket, and the teacher asks:
- And what is it there in your pocket?
- Oh, nothing special.
- Deliver.
The student gets a bottle. And the teacher is a glass, pours herself, drinks, and says:
- Good! ... Is there a salty cucumber?
- Not.
- Sorry. But it could be "excellent."

Jokes about students and teachers

Professor, tired of pulling a student on the top three, asks: - Well, okay. Tell me, what did lectures read about?
Student is silent.
- So ... Tell me, who lectured.
Student is silent.
- Tipping question: You or me?

It is somehow in the Food Commission of the Food Institute of Abytepient, and now
There is an interview. This commission sits, scatters, and Tyt Abiteient
Some kind of stewed, with a boot of boot under the arm.
- Type, - Because of EMY, - Let us tell us about yourself. What could be in our
institt. You, turned on, if childhood, wanted to be a cook, or, maybe a side?
- Yes No, - answers the abituent, - I am in childhood more and more PYSS
Fairy tales inspected ...
- HY and? ...
- Hy here, postypil on philological ...
- What's next?
"Hy here's a year, and my father." My biology was involved.
- It is clear, and we tid in what?
"So I'm staying on bofak." Here there is still a year and liked.
- Yes, you, it turns out, Letane, a young man!
- No, you are not a dream, I am everything!
- Hy good, and what else did you go to us? !!!
- You understand ... He's, you just understand me ... - he says,
It takes from under the mouse cooper and pouring it out on the table. Across the table
It takes on all the stands of a dozen of kpokhatnye digest on howling legs.
- Here ... You see, they are the third one of HE HE Eat !!!

Literature teacher asks a student:
- If you could meet and talk to any writer,
Alive or dead, who would you choose?
- Living ...

Lecture on aesthetics. The table is a statuette of Venus Milos.
- Tell me, what do you like in this beautiful statue? - Asks professor student.
- I really like the chest!
- Go out, hulling!
Another asks:
- What do you like the statue?
- I have a hip!
- Go away!..
Calls the third, and he him:
- I'm leaving, leaving, leaving!

There is an exam type test with questions that you need to answer "yes" or "no". One of the students throws the coin and records the results. The teacher thinks: "Well, this first will finish."
The exam ended, the rest of the students have already written and left, and this all sits and throws the coin. The pature is tired, it fits and asks:
- Well. answered questions?
- Yes.
- Why then do it?
- Checking.

Gathered daughter-student marry. In the evening, the family council is a mother and says Father:
- We don't know anything about the unfortunate future, I would have met, talked to my male ... Daughter organized a meeting, sit, talk:
Test:
- What are your plans for the future, did you hear the student of the 3rd course?
Sit:
- First of all I will try to finish the institute, with God's help ...
- commendable! Well, where are you going to live?
- I will try to find a good housing with God's help ...
- Okay! And for what means are going to live?
- Making yourself highly paid work with God's help ...
On that and parted. My husband's wife:
- Well, and how do you have a future son-in-law?
Husband:
- Young, purposeful ... But what I especially liked it - the fact that he considers God God.

On the themes "What KVN" and "The Role of KVN in the life of modern youth" is written not to little words. Even more words are written about each game or festival KVN. KVNschiki love to write - this is one of their properties.

And we sometimes love to paint on these topics, but we will do it elsewhere. And here we want to lay out what remains in the head after KVN in the usual viewer. The fact that ordinary office staff is looking for when corporate KVN is planned in their office.

Yes, these are all of them: jokes, scenes, miniatures, all silent converted songs and parodies. All this is later turning into KVN contests: business cards, music and home.

Popular on site

Funny jokes, once caused in KVN tsunami laughter and kilotonna rzhacha

Help if you are preparing to KVN at school. Of course, it would be necessary to compose jokes themselves, but if Zeitnot ...

These news you are hardy to hear from the mouth of Zhanna Agalakova, thread that they can not say that.

Funny jokes about the game number one. Football players give us a reason - we are joking.

Signs of the occurrence of crisis. Very relevant jokes. Read and rejoice a little.

Scenes and miniatures KVN

Scenes and miniatures are the same jokes, only they just do not tell them in words. Well, and no joke - you already know - in KVER anywhere.

Excellent KVN number for five points. Take to your script.

Texts of scenesthat are suitable for any KVN contest.

Cases at school, chances for school, cases with schoolchildren and teachers

So that you were after what to say "You viewed the thumbnail ..."

Ready set of material for a small business card. It remains only to add kvkunshikov

Alterations of songs for KVN

Redo songs - Favorite KVNchikov. From the little carapul, to the grand pathoral finals - reworked, redid, and will be redone in KVN.

Alteration of famous Hit Gennady Asmolov. Song sounded on the "Voting Kiwyn 2007"

The converted song of the "Cinema" group - I like it very much

Alteration of the songs of the group "Lube" - everyone sinned by alterations of this song

A funeral parody of Hit from the musical "Notrdam de Paris"

Scenarios KVN.

The scenario in KVN is a soft concept. And not only because it exists on paper. Under the influence of editors, the script sometimes changes beyond recognition.

The word greeting team KVN "On His Wave" - \u200b\u200bI even recommend

A business card is a contest that happens in every KVN. Business card scenarios are always needed!

Classic room homework with configuration in verse.

Large music number about route taxis in Ryazan. I always logged in "Hurray."