Tips on how to become more confident. How to be confident: psychologist tips, practical recommendations

Not all girls have confidence in themselves, which often turns around for them difficulties in his career and personal life. Is there a way to gain this quality if it was not watered since childhood?

Signs of insecure man

Fast, messy or vague speech. You are shy to express your opinion, and if it happens, it is clear that you are uncomfortable. The doubting intonation in the voice of the shy person and the interlocutors makes doubt her words. Rassed look. You rarely see the interlocutor in the eye, and it is generally inconvenient to you when you look at you, you are afraid of visual contact. However, note that when you look into your eyes the interlocutor, then he does not have a choice, he also looks at your eyes. If you are constantly reproducing your eyes, then a person has more opportunities in the time, in the meantime, learning all the flaws (fetched or real), which give you an insecurity. Incident. When talking, you do not know where to go hands, how best to sit down and the like. Because of your chaotic movements, some items can often fall, you hurt your interlocutor with hands or get cold on an even place. Related. Girls who feel uncertainty in themselves, most often prefer to lead a closed lifestyle. If this is your case, then, it means you are trying to avoid society of unfamiliar people, and someone else's attention does not flatter to you, but forces itselves to be strained. Such inconspicuous or causing clothing. Most often, girls who would not hurt to gain more self-confidence, prefer to wear things that do not attract special attention - they do not seek to emphasize sexuality or femininity, fearing look ridiculous. In rare cases, there may be another extreme - the girl puts on causing things, thereby trying to hide their complexes.

If you have noticed any of these signs, you probably need to revise your attitude towards yourself. Doubts that you periodically overcome, prevent full-fledged life. However, the good news is that you can get rid of them!

How to learn to be more confident

1. You should find a hobby or a genus of activity in which you can easily achieve good results. Think what you have a predisposition, and do this case. Perhaps as a child, you painted well, sewed or danced. Return to this lesson! A person who is successful in a sphere of life (hobby or work) is more confident. 2. Do not ignore the problems that you could have been solved for a long time if it were not for your uncertainty. You will not hurt you for a long time to go to the dentist, but you are shy, launching the problem more and more? You need to talk to a certain unpleasant person, but do you try to postpone this moment in every way? Such examples may be set. Until you decide the problem that has arisen, it will remain in your thoughts, and, it means, in life. Overcome your fear, and the problem will remain in the break. Many difficulties are solved in minutes, and instead you spend the week and months on experience. 3. Do not be afraid to express your opinion. The surrounding may treat you at all as you wait, solely because you are not suspected of your sincere expectations. Feel free to pronounce out loud information about what you want from other people. Pre-specify the thought in my head, say it several times about myself, after which I am sure and calmly write it down. 4. With dignity, hand with shocks. Having survived the betrayal of a loved one, encountered with the disease or some kind of offend, do not lower your hands, and try to analyze the situation. Similar shocks are no reason for depression, but in order to become stronger in the face of vital adversity. 5. Forget about pity for yourself. You must love yourself, but do not regret. This feeling does not at all contribute to the improvement of self-esteem. If any trouble happened to you, it is not necessary to bass over your hardest destiny, even deeper to his "shell". Sometimes outrage and anger due to the fact that you are so ridiculous in such a situation can be much more useful and more productive. 6. Get on your appearance. It has long been no secret for anyone that the better the woman looks like, she feel more confident. Probably, you have noticed more than once that by making a good hairstyle or bought a suitable new thing to you, you feel otherwise feel. If such successful innovations in your appearance will occur regularly, it will certainly be positively affected by your self-esteem. 7. Circle of friends. Note that the wider there will be your circle of communication, the better for you. Frequent communication with the opposite hollow will positively affect your personal life. Regularly in many cities, and perhaps in your activities, there are events where you can get acquainted with other people - exciting excursions, trainings and master classes.

How to become a more decisive and relaxed woman

Calm and confident Woman often causes only respect and admire whether to become such a woman? Fighting a negative. You should not succumb to negative emotions. Push in yourself the habit of criticizing other people and annoyed because of their relationship to you. Think about what makes the offenders do this or, otherwise, what deep motives are actually pursuing. Talk to openly and calmly with a person who caresses you have a negative reaction - find out what he is achieved. If you can, you should minimize your meetings. Stop offended. Perhaps the resentment is one of the most non-constructive feelings that are peculiar to children, but very strange for adults. In response to some act, which offended you should not be closed in yourself and away from a person - explain to him that his act was injured. Argument it. Learn to build a dialogue, dense your desires through it. Control emotions. If you feel that you are at the limit, and it is hard to deal with your emotions, you mentally gather with thoughts. If it is appropriate, you should simply get out of the conflict zone, saying a person calmly and without offense: "Let's go back to this conversation later. I have to go now". If we are talking about the brewing quarrel with a stranger, then also try to get a conversation as soon as possible. Be calm. Even if millions of thoughts, doubt or outrage, try not to show it externally. Breathing exactly by using a diaphragm. Slowly breathe and exhale for a few minutes. Go aside, and make some deep sighs. Concentrate not on negative emotions, but in your breath.

Distract. If something upset or angry with something, then find the opportunity to distract from it. Take advantage of Jane Ayr, and tell me that you will think about it tomorrow, or at least a little later. But while do something more pleasant for yourself - call a close person with whom you are pleased to communicate, look at a good movie, go to the concert and the like. Do some sports. Many women and men engaged in sports are much better than others cope with their negative emotions. This is not surprising. During classes on simulators, struggle, swimming or fitness, voltage is significantly removed.

When you need to be bold or self-confident

Of course, wonderful if you have become a calm and reasonable girl, but it is often not enough for self-confidence. Sometimes it is necessary to demonstrate the surrounding that you are capable of and daring. Do not confuse with hysterics! So, when is it appropriate? 1 - insult. If someone is clearly trying to hurt you more, then you need to give to understand the offender that you do not intend to endure. Learn to keep a blow, and to respond to unacted rudeness in the same vein. Of course, you should not roll up to "bazaar disassembly", it is advisable to be able to put a person in place with one or two phrases, like: "This is not your business", "your behavior is tactless" and the like. 2 - disrespect. When the seller consciously does not pay attention to you when friends or relatives clearly use you or when other situations occur in the manifestation of disrespect for you, you may well show keenness - once calmly and firmly express what you think about a person. If the result does not bring it, begin to avoid communicating with it. 3 - game. Cheerness and self-confidence can be used in completely harmless forms. We can talk about the playful conversation with the Beloved - and you and he understand that it is only a coquetry, and you like it both.

Than arrogance is different from confidence

What can be called arrogance? Perhaps this is a violation of the established behaviors, for the sake of obtaining their own benefit. We define the signs on which you can distinguish brazen behavior from sure.

Behavior of arrogant people

Ignoring established norms of behavior. An example is to be climbing to the box of the cash register without a queue, borrowing some things by the Demand of their owner and the like. No shame. A bumping person no matter what someone else will think about him. He comes as beneficial to him, without regard to someone else's opinion. Subject. Suggested individuals almost always have their own opinion on a particular situation that they are willing to express even against the will of other people. Own interests at any cost. If something needs something, they will in every way will achieve this without having "nothing saint." They can ignore the fact that their actions are tangible harm to other people, even if these are children or older people.

I will be impudence - I will become strong

In fact, resorting to brazen behavior, you can quickly get any benefit, but subsequently it can turn against you. The reputation of the arrogance person does not paint anyone - such people cause irritation and repulsing the impression. The audacity has nothing to do with confidence in itself, because the second is based on a sense of self-esteem, which is unnatural for arrogance.

What psychologists say

Most often, insecurity can go since childhood. Perhaps, in young or younger school years, someone put this quality - teachers, peers or even relatives. It is important to realize that now you are an adult, and all those situations remained in the past. It is worse, if people who develop certain complexes in you in your life. You need to avoid communicating with such personalities in every way, and if possible, and exclude contacts with them at all (if we are not talking about family member). Start more often to communicate with those who instill confidence and faith in yourself. Notice, in the society of which people your mood is rising, and more often initiate contact with them. It is precisely indulging yourself and make gifts. Very often, uncertainty in itself begins with appearance, and in your power to improve it. Go to the salon to new cosmetic procedures, massage. Pay attention to your hair, take care of the skin. Clear yourself of good quality things. It is better to buy things less often, but more expensive. You must feel confident in your clothes - no wonder, untidiness, irrelevant size. Things should raise your self-esteem, and not to force embarrassment or feel uncomfortable. Open for yourself new horizons - you will try for interesting hobbies, travel to other countries or cities. If you are constantly evolving in any direction, then your self-esteem will inevitably grow. There is a clear and confidently express your thoughts. Training in front of the camera or mirror, watching how you look from the side. The camera is sometimes even more useful, you will not be able to keep yourself under control, as in front of the mirror, and you can understand how others see you. A man often gives a posture and gait. If you understand that you have problems with this, but you should work hard on these items. Constantly control your posture until it goes into habit. Ask someone to make your gait on camera. Examine it, and seeing the shortcomings try to fix until you bring it to the ideal. Do not forget, while walking to watch not under your feet, but right in front of yourself. Your movements should be calm, smooth and confident. Adjust to start look like a self-confident girl, and over time you will become her.

Confidence in itself passes a bright thread through all the spheres of human vital activity. Success depends on work, in personal life and friendly relations. Without faith, it is impossible to socialize and self-realize. But what to do, if because of the uncertainty, you can not get acquainted with anyone or already do not dream of promoting the career ladder? What if you feel your own potential, but can't let it out? About how to believe in yourself, you will learn from this article.

Self-confidence - personal and behavioral quality associated with. In addition, confidence is associated with, anxiety, aggressiveness and a number of social factors.

E. V. Golovin confidently calls the attitude of an individual to uncertainty. That is, often uncertainty is caused by fear of many future options for the development of a particular event. On how to deal with the fear of uncertainty or other fear, you can read in the article.

Excessive self-confidence is also dangerous as its deficit. This is confirmed by the results of the study by E. V. Golovina. The author revealed that unnecessary self-confident people differ:

• negativism (actions in advance, refuses to perform anything, setting "in place" of someone);
• verbal and indirect (cotton door, topot) aggression;
• infantilism (reactions inherent in adolescence).

However, the more confidently the person, the more he is resistant to the influence of negative emotions (fear, excitement, indignation). The initiative to communicate depends on self-confidence and social courage.

Uncertain man socially looked. Moreover, the more often the larger influence of negative emotions (timidity, constraint, embarrassment) he is exposed, the more they act on it. A uncertain person is experiencing difficulties in making decisions or at the beginning of actions (for example, to speak).

Causes of uncertainty

Insecurity is more peculiar to the inhibited type of personality. Moreover, innate characteristics have less influence, rather than socially learning. As a rule, uncertainty follows from childhood, punishments and censures for unwanted behavior.

Note! Any behavior may be regarded as unwanted depending on subjectivity. The usual "do not climb!" It can drown inquisitiveness, initiative, child activity, but in the eyes of Mom, to develop peace of mind and obedience to the baby. That is, for mom from our example, the desire to know everything ("climb") - unwanted behavior. And for you? Here is an example of subjectivity in all its glory. Based on this, first of all, we recommend that you recall your relationship with my parents and an adult look to appreciate them, their actions and emotions. Is there any reasons for your insecurity?

The cause of uncertainty may be:

• the destructive style of family education (intimidation, punishment, excessive requirements, ignoring and other);
• pronounced mental braking processes (Features of temperament);
• fear in any of its manifestation (for example, fear of uncertainty, fear of being rejected and incomprehensible);
• low self-esteem;
• low motivation of success;
• high level of anxiety;
• low level of will and self-control;
• intrapersonal conflicts;
• the contradiction between (what I mean, what I want to be, what I can, what I see myself, what others see me).

Like most problems, most often uncertainty are based on the biological factor, and on social. If the first to change is almost impossible, the influence of the latter can well be adjusted.

Self-confidence structure

Self-confidence consists of social courage, the intensity of emotions, the strength of the influence of experienced emotions. If there is a strong severity of evil type emotions, the initiative in communication is more often negative (emotion splash) and is associated with human excitability. If emotions include fear and other restraining experiences, then social initiative decreases. Man robeth.

Based on self-confidence, it is possible to distinguish 3 types of people:

1. Uncertain. It is characterized by high excitability, the intensity of emotions. They are sometimes aggressive.
2. Overweight. They do not need contacts, prone to negativism, have low excitability and expression of emotions (unimotional).
3. Moderately self-confident. They are emotional, need contacts.

Insecurity, as a rule, provokes two behaviors: escape or aggression. Your task is to learn the third form, socially acceptable - verbal rational solution to situations.

Thus, self-confidence is a sense of internal control. A confident person knows that it may arise in a short time in his surroundings, and how to cope with it.

What to do?

First of all, it should be understood for yourself that self-confidence is acquired quality. It, of course, depends on congenital individual characteristics, but in general is formed through the influence of society and self-education.

Insecurity and fears

Insecurity is usually based on fears. Observe what you are actually afraid. Find the root of the problem. It is important to get rid of fear. The main principle of struggle is to act.

In short, I will introduce the main ways to overcome the most popular fears combined with uncertainty (the material is borrowed from the work of D. Schwartz "Art to think large-scale").

Figure: Fear in self-satisfaction and ways to concombate him

Uncertainty and memory

Sometimes uncertainty is associated with memory costs. That is, doubts arise on the basis of a lack of information about such a situation, and indeed associated with memory. If you appeal to the brain with a request to find confirmation of your weakness, insolvency, awkwardness or other, then it will give you a lot of examples from the past. But you should formulate a request otherwise, ask to show situations where you were on top, and the brain will give a bunch of positive results on this request.

I suggest you constantly work with your storage situations and images:

1. Enter there only successful situations (gratitude friends, a device for work). Play pleasant thoughts before bedtime, achievements, thanks, successes. Even if you have become an eyewitness of some kind of good matter, write it into your bank (but not in the context "Why isn't I? Ah, yes, I am too unsure and weak for this"). Just fill your inner piggy bank with positive emotions.
2. In a difficult situation, take from the piggy bank only pleasant, motivating confirmation of your consistency, and not vice versa.

When focused on failures, you fall into a closed circle and find yourself on the side of life. Anxiety is developing and a sense of inferiority. The brain becomes everything difficult to work, because it is increasingly polluted.

The deeper and longer negative thoughts live in the brain, the more confident and they are becoming more, while in the end do not turn into real monsters who reveal your life. Do you just imagine how much ullegal people have such illegal people in the head? Although why illegals? You feed them themselves, grow up, it means everything is legally and voluntarily.

Let us say one comic way to cope with your monsters. Visualize them, give names. Picture on a sheet and eradicate. How to solve you. Show fantasy.

Insecurity as self-destruction

Take a look at your uncertainty on the other side. Do not you think that this is self-destruction? This is an ungrateful attitude towards your talent, abilities, potential (and there is all every person). In the end, not an insult to live a chance to live?

Why do you punish yourself? Answered? Now act! Yes, the option to overcome uncertainty one - self-development, breaking himself. We will have to consciously pass through individually difficult situations, deal with fears, offended - everyone that sits in you and prevents moving forward.

Remember where you can be the roots of your uncertainty? Family, school, first love? Who inspired you that you do not deserve to be a self-sufficient person? Do you think that ugly, and from that are inseparal? Who told you that? MEDIA? Destroy the style of parental education? Envious environment? That person who is right now with you?

In the end, think about: Do you suffer with uncertainty? I am about the fact that you have not taught you, for example, parents. Maybe they were so afraid of the world, what inspired the same to you? Try to look at the world with your own eyes, throwing the usual prism of learned uncertainty.

Exercise "Three Causes Live"

As we have already found out, uncertainty is self-destruction, mental murder, unwillingness to live. I suggest you a simple exercise for every day.

Record your own success every day (reasons believe in yourself and live). You want you or not! Once we decided to fight, then fight and defeat! No one promised that it would be easy. Write any trifle. Or deliberately commit something to write down later.

The next day, reread the entire list (with all the previous days). You will not believe, but all of this you! From each week, this list will become more and more. I don't think that man whose portrait of achievements you eventually get, you can consider unworthy. Let's see if you can then appreciate yourself.

How to stop afraid of social contacts

Remember, before I said that the uncertainty is directly related to the social initiative, in contact with contacts? So, it is important. Understand that people have more common than differences. Your task is to look at people with a different look.

1. You and your opponent are equally respected and significant. Your goal is to discuss mutual things to achieve common goals. Do not be afraid to ask questions, clarify the details, ask you to listen. But they themselves answer respect. Often, uncertainty arises due to the fact that one person considers the other more significant. Yes, for example, at work on status it can be a higher person. But in essence you have the same problems and interests. It makes no sense to be afraid. The same in any respect. It makes no sense to be unsure before your partner, and even more so before a stranger.
2. Do not take any negative splash of people in your address. If you have not done anything bad, then it is probably a man just "recovered" on you. And in fact, he has problems in other respects, and he himself is not confident. Show understanding and sympathy. Praise yourself that they became for someone a kind of "psychotherapist".
3. Be honest and fair. The feeling of own guilt is one of the most destroying feelings. Criminals, odders, liars early or later themselves give themselves. Nothing suppresses faith as a justified, based on the real incident, disrespect. Remember "Crime and Punishment" F. M. Dostoevsky? I think the thought is clear.

The most important principle of overcoming uncertainty in relations with people is confidently. Do not doubt your choice. There is no correct and incorrect. There is your solution, experience and consequences with which you must be able to cope.

The psyche goes for the body

Do you know from psychology a fact that forcible emotions (for example, a smile) are gradually becoming real sensations, states, true emotions? The same is relevant to overcome uncertainty.

1. Start familiarizing with people or any meeting with a handshake (embrace).
2. Maintain contact with eyes.
3. Confidently and clearly say: "Nice to meet!" Or "Rada Meeting!"

On such confident actions, the brain will react true confidence in itself.

Regularly challenge your uncertainty.

1. At the meetings, sit down on the first rows. Yes, you may be involved in some kind of discussion, you will pay attention to you, watch your eyes. But this is what we achieve. I promise that it will be hard only at the beginning. Over time, you will begin to join the discussion.
2. Look in the eye. Do not assume the look if someone has installed contact with you. The eye collapse is always perceived by the opponent not only as uncertainty, but also how your attempts to hide something, to lie, have to have no one. I admit honestly, I myself learn myself for a long time to watch people in the eyes. It's not easy. When I just started to dive into the world of psychology, I immediately understood that I would have to repaint myself. Probably, from a simple self-knowledge and resulted in my activity. And the deeper I go into psychology, the more I understand that there is no end to work on yourself. The limit is perfection in principle. So, in my eyes I studied for a long time. It was true torture. But you, dear reader, do not even imagine how valuable ability is. You see the reaction of the interlocutor, his emotions. As a rule, to feel confident, you just need to see the answer in the eyes of another, sincere interest.
3. Keep your back straight, and the shoulders are straightened, the head is raised, that is, follow the posture. At the same time, go rapidly (but unhurried) with big steps. The body and psyche are inextricably linked and interdepended. If the brain is not very much to agree with the brain, then create an externally confident person. Confident people go to an important meeting, not a shitting legs, not touching and not bowing her head. They go clear and straight, hurry to do something significant (and not to run away from something).
4. Smile. When you are afraid when unsure when upset when. Confident and strong people smile, smiling widely.
5. Be active. Express your opinion. When once again suppress our own potential, then at times worse you begin to feel. Comment, make sentences, express the opinion, ask questions. Yes, it is not easy again. You must initial to force yourself. Take a rule to stop otmind.
6. Learn to adequately evaluate your knowledge, skills and skills and appreciate, respect yourself for it. Regularly increase the skill, develop. I recommend to make a written portrait of my skills. Visuality is always useful.
7. Learn to plan your time. Self-confident people are characterized by the ability to productive use of personal time and planning it. Do not postpone anything for later. Big goals break into many small and easily performed tasks. But at the same time, remember that deviations are always possible due to circumstances. They should not knock you out of the gauge.
8. Get on the tasks that you probably can do. Create a Success Situation. You can not live only by challenge yourself. You can easily educate confidence and due to unpretentious success.
9. Finally, I slipped the most radical and "terrible" way to increase confidence. I suggest you sign up in some club, a circle. For example, theatrical or poetic. The most extreme option is Standap.

Thus, it is possible to develop confidence by learning, belief and suggestion. These are three reference points marked in 1983 by T. D. Calistovaya.

It is scientifically proven that all people have the skills of confident behavior, they simply do not know how to use them. If it is impossible to cope yourself, then sign up for the training of confident behavior. To date, this is a common service. Such trainings allow you to realize and feel domination of our emotions (no one can regulate your condition if you do not let it), reveal all the ways and teach the fight against them. Due to this, faith rises.

Skills of a confident man

I want to introduce you to the skills characteristic of self, that is, this is what you need to strive for (as a basis I took the material E. V. Golovina).

1. Perseverance for their own purposes and requirements. Ability to repeat the request, the question, remind of yourself.
2. Adequate attitude towards constructive criticism, making their mistakes.
3. The ability to focus on meaningful information in a conversation, not to pay attention to random "attacks".
4. The ability to learn from your own mistakes, but do not feel excessive guilt.
5. The ability to calmly talk about your shortcomings, listen to partner's claims. Ability to discuss together what he wants to hear from you how to see you.
6. The ability to be open, to talk about your own mistakes and disadvantages. It is equally able to discuss positive and negative traits of their character, lifestyle.
7. Give preference to compromise in solving controversial issues.

Afterword

Insecurity implies not from the future. Insecurity grows out of the past, and through his prism we see the present. All unsure people once experienced the situation that made them such. But it makes no sense to pull the past. Find the original source and work it.

We can talk about old resentment, unfinished relations, injuries. A lot about what. It is very individual. Can't find the root yourself, please go to personal advice to a psychologist. As long as you do not eat and throw the stone that is tied to your neck, any training for the development of confidence, alas, will be ineffective. It is like an anesthetic: removes the symptoms, it seems to make a familiar life, but the infection continues to be turned on and grow.

Eradicate the old negative, do not collect new, do not dwell on failures (yes, without them, it is still not to do, it needs to be accepted). You may be surprised, but the human brain itself is able to remove unpleasant memories. So you just need to help your brain work for your good.

Literature on the topic

For goodbye, according to tradition, I recommend reading the book. Today it is a work B. Tracy "The power of confidence." The book is a practical guide to raising faith in itself, exit from the comfort zone, an increase in self-esteem. In the work you will find a detailed description of phenomenon of self-confidence, and recommendations for overcoming uncertainty, and many interesting thoughts.

I hope the material of my article and the work of trains will be useful for you in practice. I wish you success in rebirth!

The person confident admires, inspires, and also inspires confidence in others. He is able to face his fear and is not afraid to risk.

He knows that regardless of the scope of obstacles arising from his path, it will definitely be possible to overcome them.

Self-confident people tend to see life in a favorable light, even when things go out of the hands badly. At such moments, they continue to remain positively charged and testing respect for themselves.

On the other hand, people with low self-esteem and not possess confidence, perceive the world as a hostile place, and themselves - as a victim.

As a result, being in the role of passive observers, they reluctantly show their abilities and do not open from the best side, as a result of which they miss opening opportunities and drive themselves into the state of their own impotence to change the situation.

All this reduces their self-esteem and self-confidence, tightening into the enchanted downward spiral.

Confidence and self-esteem - not the same thing, although they are closely related to each other.

Self confidence - This is a concept that is used to characterize your attitude to your ability to perform various functions, tasks and roles.

Confident behavior is not to prevent mistakes, because they are inevitable, especially if you do something new.

Confidence is manifested in the composure and commission of targeted meaningful actions, when there are various kinds of mistakes, allowing you to solve problems and.

The lack of confidence can be the result of many factors:

1. Ground before the unknown.
2. Criticism.
3. Discontent with your appearance.
4. Inappropriate to the situation.
5. Lack of necessary skills.
6. Previous failures.

Self-confidence, as well as self-esteem, is not a static concept, and therefore its level can be improved and decrease. In some moments of life, we can feel more confident than others.

The level of confidence can manifest itself in different ways: through your behavior, the language of your body, what and how you say, etc.

Self-satisfaction - This is your attitude towards my own personality, to how you look, what you think, as well as to your own beliefs and achievements. This is the final result of the quality of your life at a particular point in time, which gives your body in the form of an appropriate emotion.

People with understated self-esteem most often suffer from the lack of confidence, but some owners of self-esteem, which is at a sufficient level, can not similarly to confident behavior.

The inverse situation is likely when a person with low self-esteem can be very confident in some areas.

Possible causes of low self-esteem:

1. Disranged attitude and negative environment.
2. Children's experiences and lack of parental care.
3. Bad habits.
4. Loss of work or employment difficulties.
5. Permanent stress.
6. Physical ailment.
7. divorce.
8. Physical or sexual violence.
9. Mental problems ,.

Signs of confidence and uncertainty

Signs of high self-esteem and self-confidence:

• A confident person does what he considers it right, even if others criticize him for it.
• Ready to risk and make an additional effort to achieve better results.
• Able to recognize your mistakes, thanks to which it is improved.
• Does not try to spread to all in a row on their achievements, therefore, without trying to cause praise.
• A smaller tendency to jealous and control another person.
• Lack of fear to be vulnerable.
• The ability to establish personal boundaries.
• The ability to get rid of superfluous: unnecessary situations, people, work.
• Responsibility for their actions and emotions.

Signs of understated self-esteem and the absence of self-confidence:

• The behavior of an uncertain person depends on the opinions of the people around.
• He got used to stay in his comfort zone, fearing failures and avoiding risk.
• It always tries to hide my mistakes and hopes that it will be able to solve the problem before anyone finds out about them.
• Reports about their advantages and merits as often as possible and as many people as possible.
• Absence.
• Awareness is unnecessary or not good enough.
• Inability to make decisions.
• He does not like nobody.
• Taking on someone else's guilt.
• Inability to recognize your strengths.
• He considers himself not deserving happiness.

Why is it important to increase self-esteem and self-confidence

Possessing sufficient confidence in itself and healthy self-esteem, you will feel fine by having fed a perfect understanding of your ability to do what you yourself want to improve the quality of your own life.

You will more easily make decisions, guided by only your internal choice. You can try everything that used to be avoided, and stop allowing fear to manage your destiny.

More success

Confidence and high self-esteem are one of the most important keys to success in the career and.

You will have less chances to get stuck on deadlock, because you will be clear your value that allows you to find the best deal in another place.

As for the business, only sufficient self-esteem and self-confidence will allow you to move forward when others refuse to fight either will turn the finger at the temple.

Stronger relationships

It is very difficult to have a harmonious relationship when you constantly feel your inferiority. In the end, you will be inclined to rely too much on your partner, which are more confident.

As soon as you become confident and increase self-esteem, you will be able to be a direct member of the development of relationship, not making it in the role of a statist, and will also completely reveal your identity, putting into relations and gets in return for mostly positive emotions.

Life is becoming easier

When you love and respect yourself, and also treat yourself with understanding, everything becomes much easier.

You stop doing an elephant fly. Any problem for you is just another task that requires decisions, or a situation that does not stand your attention.

You stop scolding yourself for committed errors, as well as try to meet any standards.

Improving mental health

The negative attitude towards itself and its capabilities poisons your thinking, as a result of which you become susceptible to anxiety and tendency to depressive states.

A look at ourselves as a wonderful person will definitely give you a positive charge, and will also become a source of flexible and stable psyche.

More internal stability

When you strongly and sincerely love yourself when you are about yourself high opinion, it disappears the need to seek attention and external confirmation of its value from other people.

As a result, you cease to be needy, and your inner vision becomes independent of the fact that surrounding people may think or say about you.

Exclusion of internal sabotage

The most worst enemy of most people - they themselves.

Confidence and high self-esteem will make it necessary to treat yourself as more worthy of good things, achievements and environment.

You will seek to get everything specified with much greater motivation. And becoming their owner, you will not create obstacles for yourself, able to destroy what you have.

More than happiness

It is difficult to be happy when self-esteem and self-confidence on zero. In this case, you will feel sad, nor not capable of both in a hopeless situation, unworthy of love and respect, as well as not worthy of a wonderful life.

As soon as you become confident and you can enhance self-esteem, you will make the necessary changes to find a way out of the labyrinth of past failures, opening the door to the happiness room.

Other advantages:

1. The ability to act more effectively under stress conditions.
2. The development of the ability to influence and convince other people.
3. Development and executive skill.
4. Positive thinking.
5. Enhance attractiveness.
6. Reducing the flow of negative thoughts.
7. More courage and less trouble.
8. Increase energy and motivation.

How to become confident. Basics

In 1952, the Journal "Educational Leadership" published an article "Self-confidence for competence" by Bernis Milbn Mura.

Moore describes confidence as faith in itself, contributing to overcoming events arising in life.

He believes that you become more confident in yourself, if you begin to better do what you do.

Confidence without competence is also useless, as well as competence without self-confidence.
Bernis Milburn Mur.

This idea can be represented as a system:

1. Improving skills.
2. The use of them in practice.
3. Assessment of results.
4. Growing self-confidence.
5. Reiteration.

What skills should develop? It all depends on your goals that you pursue at the moment.

However, there are some universal skills that each person should be improved:

• Discipline.
  Stop listening to the noda, settled in your head. Do not listen when he says: "Then we will refuel the bed," I'll assign another chance, "you go to the gym next week."
• Communication.
  Effective communication is an art on which your ability to interact with the environment depends. Therefore, if you think that you are a professional in this area, never before thinking about how to build communication with people, you are deeply mistaken.
• Negotiation.
  You are all the time negotiating. With his, with children, parents, teachers, friends, colleagues and many others. So learn how to generate a better offer for all sides.
• Solution of problems.
  The modern system of education, based on the receipt of estimates and the concepts of "good" and "bad," turns the youth in the coins necessary to the public mechanism. As a result, most people are so accustomed to carry out the instructions of others that they themselves are not prepared for solving problems in difficult situations. However, the world is changing, and the victory won the one who best copes with overcoming completely different problems.
  
• Health and appearance.
  Good health, as well as attractive appearance - a great way to invest your time and attention. Being in good physical form and having an attractive appearance, you will definitely be able to increase self-esteem and become more confident.

How to become confident and improve self-esteem

1. Certify yourself

Know your enemy and know yourself, and you can spend a thousand battles without defeat.
Sun Zi.

Before the start of the battle, the wise warlord tries as best to recognize his enemy. And when you try to raise self-esteem and become confident, your worst enemy appears on your way - you yourself.

To better know yourself, listen to your thoughts, analyze why they have negative shades.

Then reflect on the strengths of your personality, about your abilities, about what you like.

Make two list, one of which will include your advantages, the second - disadvantages.

Think about the factors that limit you. Determine: they are really objective, or it's just the result of the game of your mind.

Remind yourself that, despite the problems available, you are a unique, special and valuable person, and deserve the best.

In the end, you are a miracle of consciousness, the consciousness of the universe. Remit and challenge any negative thoughts about yourself, such as "I am a loser" or "no one loves me."

No matter how you treat yourself. The value has only what you want to become. Therefore, look as deeply inside yourself, and you will become more confident.

2. Positive thinking

The mind of each person loves chip: "It is too difficult. Stop and go See TV. "

Instead of indanguing with such thoughts, treat them as erroneous phenomena, carefully detecting each of them.

When you catch a similar idea, destroy it, replacing a positive conviction with the opposite value: "Go on, you can. It remains very little. "

3. Positive actions

You are what you do. Therefore, if you change your actions, you can change yourself.

Act in a positive way, talk with people in a positive manner, use your energy, and soon you will notice the difference.

4. Focus on your strengths

If you continue to focus on your shortcomings, sooner or later you lose most of the confidence.

Instead of winning on their weak qualities, focus on the strengths of your personality.

Maybe you could become a stunning speaker, an excellent cook or a great businessman.

Take a look at the various spheres of your life, and perhaps you will see a person with a huge value.

5. Body language

Sure people differ in another manner of non-verbal communication.

They go, straightening their back, keep their heads straight, look into the eyes around others and do not suffer from the presence of unnecessary movements.

Therefore, in order to enhance self-esteem and become confident, take the body language of confident people.

6. Land speech

It is a fact. Confident people have a leisurely speech.

A person who thinks he will not want to listen, will speak quickly, because he considers himself and their speech is unworthy to expect.

Try to speak more than usual, with the result that you will feel more confident.

7. Speak loud enough

Shy people tend to say quietly either to relent, because they do not want to attract attention.

Confident people are not afraid to be in the spotlight, and try to convey information to all listeners with maximum efficiency, so they say quite loud, clearly and clear.

8. Smiley

Banality? But it works.

You will feel the tide of confidence when you start smiling to other people. Excellent investment of your time and energy.

9. Write in the first row

When you visit major events, you hurry to take a place in the first row, or will back to the last places?

Many people are accustomed to hiding behind the backs of others in order not to risk being invited to the stage or find themselves as responsible for the question.

But think about who usually sits in the first row at all official meetings of any company? Who occupies the first places on the modes of the mod? Of course, the most important people.

Once in the first row, you output yourself with important personnel. You give another signal that you are one of the most important guests, and you can demand an appropriate relationship. You will also notice that you begin to behave like a VIP invitant.

You put yourself in the center of attention, going beyond the comfort zone, so you do not have a different choice, except to become confident.

10. Improve your skills

This has already been said earlier, but it is worth adding that you should start with small steps.

If you, for example, want to become a professional writer, do not try to deal with all the intricacies of the profession at a time. Just start writing, and then write even more.

11. Put a small goal and reach it.

People want to reach the stars by the end of the month, and when they fail, there are extreme surprise on their faces.

Put the achievable target, and then achieve it, with the result that you will get satisfaction. Then put and implement the next goal.

Soon you prepare yourself to conquer higher peaks.

12. Change some minor habit

To begin with, get the incompass not on such a large-scale, how to quit smoking, and something less significant. For example, wake up 10 minutes earlier or drink a glass of water when you wake up.

Repeat consolidation within a month. When a new habit becomes an integral part of your life, you will become more confident, and your self-esteem will increase.

13. Focus on solving the problem

If you are accustomed to complaining about life, plunging into negative emotions and focusing on problems, just shift your focus of your attention.

Focus on not on the problem, but on its solution. And this is one of the best ways to become confident and increase self-esteem.

"I'm fat and lazy." How do you solve it? "The fact is that I can not." And how do you solve it? "But I have no energy." So what is the solution?

14. Do what you have long postponed

What hoved in the list of your cases, deciding to hide there forever? Perform this task for tomorrow and get rid of yourself from the memories of it.

You will feel ease and satisfaction with the result.

15. Be active and try new

Do at least something is almost always better than doing nothing.

Of course, this is something can lead to errors, but they are only part of your life.

Only in this way you can learn something new and become the best version of yourself, so do not worry.

Just do something. Exit your own familiar boring life and click on your activity toggle, taking steps to achieve any goal.

16. Focus on the components of a large-scale whole

An attempt to implement a serious project or a complex task may seem impracticable and awesome, even for the most confident.

Instead, learn how to crush the complex tasks on the component elements and implement each of them in turn, one by one.

Achievement will allow you to get a charge of positive emotions, and will bring the entire planned to implement everything.

Learn to work so all the time, and soon you will become a reference confidence.

17. Avoid Perfectionism

If you are striving for perfection, then you risk being disappointing. You can always become better, but it is impossible to be perfect.

Stop strive to do everything flawlessly. Please accept the fact that nothing should be perfect to be considered beautiful. Therefore, you have no need to be perfect.

Show great tolerance to your own mistakes and disadvantages, because they do not distract from your talents and strengths of your personality.

18. Use criticism as a means of learning

Everyone looks at the world, having its own point of view. What works for one person may not work for another.

Criticism is just an opinion of someone else that you can use as feedback.

Treat criticism constructively, without reacting to it in a protective way and not allowing it to influence your self-esteem.

Calmfully take criticism and, making sure of its consistency, use as a way of learning and improving.

19. Make your place of residence pure, comfortable and attractive

Even if you just wash the windows or plenty of plants, you will feel much better.

Also, hover over your desktop. This may seem something minor, but such a simple action can work wonders.

If the desktop begins to sink in confusion, and the world around the world is immersed in chaos, aligning your desk in order will become an excellent way to take the situation under your control.

In the end, you will feel calm in the center of the storm, which has broken down around you.

20. Take care of your appearance

Personal hygiene, fashionable haircut, tidy and stylish have always been and will forever remain high self-esteem and self-confidence.

21. Strong sleep and healthy eating

Make sure that you sleep enough time to get enough sleep, and try to eat products that promote your health promotion.

22. Exercise

In a healthy body, high self-esteem and self-confidence. Train regularly, despite the possible "I do not want" or bad weather.

Physical exertion contribute to improved mood, internal energy, efficiency, reduction in the level of depression and maintaining the weight of your body at an optimal level.

23. Obtaining knowledge

Improving his awareness, you become not only intellectually developed, but more confident.

If you are the owner of higher education, there is no need to put a cross on the baggage of their knowledge.

Currently, thanks to the Internet, you can find a lot of literature for every taste. Therefore, develop not only the body, but also the mind.

24. Prepare in the best possible way.

If an important event is planned in your life, pay a time to careful preparation for it. As soon as you do everything you could for your maximum readiness, trust the result.

For example, if an important business meeting is nearing, or you are submitting a statement, think about the possible issues that you may ask, and which you want to voice. Only after the preparatory stage, go to a meeting or an interview.

Plan and manage life situations as far as possible. You will feel confident, knowing that you have made preparatory steps.

25. Make what you like

Treat yourself to the fact that you love so much or so passionately want to do.

Drink coffee mug, make yourself jump with a parachute or sign up for the courses you are interested in.

In addition, do not forget to celebrate your achievements, whatever they are.

26. Develop a positive environment

It is very important to build a network from native, friends, colleagues and other confident people who support you and your efforts.

This does not mean that they will never give a constructive feedback, but even such their behavior will be based on the sincere desire for your success.

Tell your friends or relatives about your experiences, and ask them for advice and support. Perhaps they have similar problems.

Do not be too shy or restrained: most people close to you really wish you well-being and want help.

27. Meet other people

When you are in some event surrounded by a large number of people, do not be dependent on the presence of your acquaintances. Go and speak with unfamiliar people.

It is no secret that the ability to establish dating is extremely confident people.

28. Get rid of harmful people, places and habits

Why do you need to spend your time, energy and emotions on people who do not appreciate and will not offer anything in return, except for an unpleasant sediment, which has become the result of joint communication.

And the point is not that they have nothing to take. They simply will not be able to understand you because they have a completely different level of development, as a rule, lower, to which they will try to lower you.

The same applies to the places that you can visit, as well as your habits. If they do not contribute to your development, get rid of them from them from unnecessary trash.

Stop fighting what you do not like in your life. Just exclude everything too much.

29. Stop comparing yourself with other people

If you compare your appearance and personal qualities with other, the inevitable result will be the loss of self-confidence and reduce self-esteem.

Every day you encounter people around you, their photos in social networks and a variety of status of their turbulent life.

You may seem that they are doing much better than yours, and that they are just better than you.

One way to increase self-esteem and become confident is to stop comparing and spend less time on social networks.

30. Stop trying to impress other

Stop playing different roles and adjust to the expectations of the surrounding people.

If you are able to bring sincerity to your life, you will be surprised how positive others will react to you.

31. Learn to talk "No"

Do not agree only because you do not want the emergence of the conflict or misunderstanding. You can easily politely reject the request, not even inventing justification.

Constantly speaking "yes", you will feel useful and in demand, but ultimately burn yourself to the ground.

So that your energy remains at an optimal level, be sure to refrain from the aimless spending of time and strength.

If you already have plans, you have the right to refuse everyone else. You not only save yourself from many problems, but also be able to deserve respect.

32. Be grateful for who you are

Many people complain about themselves, stating the desire to have missing quality or skills, while doing nothing to change for the better.

Instead, take time to be grateful for who you are.

In fact, you have many wonderful qualities, and much more effectively focus on their improvement.

33. Goodwinter

It may seem banal, but goodwill has a strong impact on your self-confidence.

If you are always selfish, feel anger and discontent, you will find that your self-esteem does not rise, but falls.

It is important for you to show kindness towards the rest, because so you give yourself a charge of positive energy.

Generosity, kindness and compassion - the lot of strong people.

34. Rate your achievements

Confidence has a dependence on the internal awareness of the level of its own success.

But if you do not observe success in your life, your self-confidence is likely to be low. So how can you believe that you are successful?

No matter where you are now, you have achieved much more than those used to count.

You tend to look into the future and constantly compare yourself with the best version you want to become.

You look into the future where your perfect "I" has a lot of money, a happy family and a beautiful house. Then you assess today's yourself and feel the depression.

But you rarely look back and forget to compare the current yourself with whom you were a few years ago.

You are very often forgetting how long the path has already been traveled, as much already behind, and that has already been reached at the moment.

35. Do not think that you can not become confident

In your life there are already many things you do with natural confidence. You just need to notice them and understand how to be confident.

Remember, what is it to brush your teeth, walking around the park or talk to a close friend. You do it all confident and completely natural.

Transfer the hidden feeling of confidence to those areas where, as you think it is not enough.

The lack of confidence is the most common problem among representatives of a weak half of humanity. It's all about the available complexes that are often moving from childhood into a conscious life. Insecurity leads to difficulties in family relationships and careers. The girl is forced to constantly doubt the correctness of the decisions taken by it. From here, the question becomes how to become a self-confident girl and look at the usual things in a new way.

Signs of unsure man

1. Speech is vague, messy, fast. A man shy to express his opinion in a circle of loved ones or completely outsiders. If he is solved for this, it seems the crumpled, unsure. Often, with the prevailing dialogues in the voice, there is no doubt, from here and opponents doubt the statements of the speaker.
2. Clumsiness. This feature is not better characterized by an insecure personality. In the process of a conversation, such a person cannot find places to his hands, constantly straightens his hair, looking for a comfortable posture and so on. The clumsiness manifests itself in the fact that everything is damaged from the hands. The conversation with other people does not develop due to the fact that you are too renovated.
3. Scattered. Another sign of uncertainty. A person cannot concentrate the glance, having rushed to the side with a missing view. The person who has no self-confidence is afraid to look into the eyes of the interlocutors. If it all happens, the look sharply moves into another bed.
4. Lack of style in clothing. Personality that does not believe in itself, roughly speaking, has no one's own opinion and style in particular. If the last is there, there is no confidence in its incarnation in reality. From here a man rushes between too vulgar or, on the contrary, inconspicuous "gray" clothes.
5. Closed behavior. Complexed, or unsure girl, leads a closed image of being. She communicates little with people, rarely goes on a party with friends, trying to avoid unfamiliar personalities. Attention from the side does not cause a flattery, but only makes it strain.

There are still many signs of an uncertain person, but the above are the main. If you have noticed yourself in them, take advantage of psychological techniques.

Step number 1. Implement yourself

1. Implement your potential is the most effective way to get rid of complexes and uncertainty. Each self-respecting person must pass a difficult path towards a happy life.
2. Evaluate your chances actually, highlight the areas in which you want to implement yourself. To gain harmony, you need to do just what you like. Let the hobby brings moral satisfaction and money.
3. Do not listen to people who say that happiness is not in the money. Yes, perhaps, but it is easy to argue, when a decent amount is postponed on your account.
4. Money gives confidence. With them you will learn the world from the new side, you can travel more, eat dear and delicious dishes, dressing well, learn. Money opens a lot of opportunities.
5. Analyze yourself, your character, profession, ordinary. If you get pennies, change the scope of activity, look for options to earn additionally.
6. Copy, finally, on the car, lighten a new specialty! Expand the horizons, do something that goosebumps flew on the skin. Do not listen to those who doubt you.

Step number 2. Strive for confidence

1. Each person at least once in his life came across unsolvedity in himself. Certain situations are forced to doubt their own forces, while the hands are descended, apathy and depression begins.
2. It is important to understand that all this is only a certain event on the life path. The black stripe will end and begin white, therefore it is not worth loaning on uncertainty.
3. Try to keep dignity all. Small troubles should not knock out of the gauge, they are temporary. No matter what happens to what ridiculous situations you do not get, keep faith in yourself.
4. Doubts will always be, but do not let them beat your self-esteem. Burn with adversities, look for ways to distract from problems. Meditate, read, exercise.
5. To reinforce confidence more often do what you get on "excellent." Have you enjoy the performance on the stage? Dare, set the class!

Step number 3. Respect yourself

1. Without self-esteem it is impossible to become a confident person. Do not let other people respond about you badly, you will be able to express opinions and disagreement, say no! "No matter what circumstances require.
2. Do not dwell on shortcomings, all people make mistakes. Think about those qualities that helped you succeed or raise a victory over difficulties.
3. Revive respect for yourself every day. Do not skimp on the words of praise. Look for advantages in your appearance, character, behavior. Return past talents and plunge into the hobby head.
4. Listen to the compliments and feel free to them. People who say it sincerely deserve attention. If they said that you have a wonderful smile, so it is.
5. Chief praised for stress resistance and collence? Excellent, you have perfectly shown yourself in difficult circumstances. Take all the heard and fix the compliments in the head.
6. Scroll into achievements that helped feel pride. Graduated from a university with a red diploma? Not everyone is die! There is, for what to respect yourself.

Step number 4. Communicate with the "right" people

1. Choose the company correctly. Do not communicate with those who pull you down and argues too negative. Enjoy yourself with good, successful and positive people.
2. It is important that communication proceeds comfortably, without criticism and hypocrisy. If you feel that a person does not deserve confidence, exclude it from the list of buddies.
3. Get used to attention from men and women in particular. Control yourself, do not "fall into the paint" during compliments on appearance and other advantages.
4. Teach art to restrain the audience by stories. Try to be in the center of attention, go through speech courses. Visit the psychologist to teach you to communicate with people.

Step number 5. Watch out

1. It is worth remembering that you should always look amazing. Thus will appear 100% confidence. Consider the combat makeup here at all. It is important to pay special attention to the condition of the skin, hand, manicure and chapel.
2. In order not to think about what you will look better, it is worth choosing a simple wardrobe, but tastefully. Purchase things that your ego require. It is in such an outfit that you will feel confident and comfortable.
3. Be individually. Do not hurry to run on the sale and buy everything in the hope that then everyone will challenge. Such a move is the most erroneous. The wardrobe must be relatively modest, but convenient and in demand.

Step number 6. Take a favorite thing

1. Try to exclude and forget all the negative memories of life. Take yourself in your hands and pay special attention to what movies are seeing you to communicate with what you read.
2. It is worth limiting communication with personalities that doubt you and do not believe that you can achieve something. Believe me, it costs one time through it, as the positive cheerful people who will motivate you will be replaced. As a result, you yourself will become such a person.
3. Try more time to give your favorite lesson, whether creativity or sports. Go to various circles and sections based on your interests. It is there that you will meet like-minded people and new friends.
4. Do not be shy, over time, such a feeling will pass. You will become more confident and purposeful person. Try to reveal yourself in a new direction. Do not stand still and develop. You are individual, do not forget about it. Be this very sun rays in the gray world.
5. Start with small. For example, make yourself go to bed before and get up before. Spend your free time for sports. Walk more, go on a jog. Refuse senseless series. Examine the theme that you are always interested.
6. Stop spend time wasted, sitting at the computer on the Internet. Try to extract only useful information. Parallel sports in a short time will raise you self-esteem. You yourself will not notice what was 1-3 months ago. Become an individual person.

Step number 7. Work on the shortcomings

1. The main problem of insecure people is that they simply do not know themselves, their drawbacks and advantages. Start solving the problem with the study of my own personality. Thus, you will increase self-esteem and reveal new opportunities.
2. The first step to achieve the goal will be the thoughts outlined on paper. To do this, write down 100 of your negative and positive qualities in the notebook. In the column with disadvantages, make marks what advantages you would replace them.
3. Next, it is necessary to have a hard work on yourself. Each time with a new achievement, learn the disadvantage that you replaced the dignity. Create a special notepad of success, in it you can fix the overwhelmed difficulties every day.
4. A similar method is very effective, this is the right path to how to become a self-confident girl. In difficult life times, you can always remind you that you have already passed through, rereading the very list of achievements.

1. Do not dwell on errors. Each person in life faces unpleasant situations. To cope with problems, it is worth treating everything with humor. Thus, you will not have the desire to fall through the earth. You will be confident in yourself and is much easier to postpone stress.
2. Be responsible. To become a confident person, you will have to gain courage and answer for the deed or said. Do not doubt yourself if you try, you can wrap the situation in your favor. So you can establish in the eyes of others, people will understand that you have changed for the better.
3. Demonstrate the ability. Each person is unique in his own way, you probably have abilities and talents that differ from others. Believe me, they are available, do not doubt. Try to make an emphasis on it and break the walls around you, simply speaking, stand out among others.

Many girls want to find confidence in order not to remain among the gray mass. To achieve the desired results, you need to follow easy advice. So you will gradually reveal your identity and potential. Believe me, at first glance, minor changes may seriously change your life for the better.

Video: how to become confident in yourself

Of course, we know that under the laying stone water does not flow to something or change something, you need to do something. In this article, I just want to offer you to do what will help to overcome low self-esteem and begin to form a sense of self-confidence, positive self-perception.

It should be understood that these steps are not a one-time pill, but the process of working on yourself, which will take time and organizes your efforts to significantly improve your life. This new thinking will change to the best communication with close people, colleagues, facilitates the perception of events, will allow you to stop the "stick" in difficult situations mentally and evaluate yourself more favorably.

Fifteen steps to self-confidence

1. Pass the habit of talking about yourself bad and scold yourself.

Do not assign yourself negative features: "Fool", "stupid", "bad", "unlucky", "unable", "ugly", etc. To do this, you can make a list of all the cursory words that you say to yourself to know the "enemy in the face" :-). And every time such a word or thought wants to embody, you will remember that you no longer scold yourself.

2. Feelings of guilt and shame - bad satellites in life.

They significantly worsen the quality of our life, our movement is inhibited, steal our time and strength. Speak them "Stop", delay for later. If it is difficult to do this, try to allocate for "suffering" a specific time of the day, for example 30-60 minutes from 18.00 to 18.30. Or as much as it is not pitying the time to kill it.

3. Determine honestly its strengths and weaknesses.

In this step, it will be good to analyze all your achievements since children's age and identify those of your qualities, thanks to which these achievements took place. Make a list of these qualities and reflect how they currently can help you in solving pressing problems.

4. Now you can formulate the real goals of your life.

Those. Real, and not fictional or imposed by someone you want. Despite the fact that it may seem too great from the position of significant others. Formulate a program for minimum and maximum. To do this, think and write what is valuable in life for you, what you believe, how to live.

Our values \u200b\u200bare the main motivators of our achievements, goals. They "indicate", which is really important for us, what we are willing to invest in which direction to move. Rate at which stage your goals are and determine how you can understand what the progress has emerged.

5. Stop to blame themselves.

Do not seek the causes of events in your shortcomings. Believe me, you are not so well-effective and your shortcomings too! :-) Please note that there are physical, social, economic, political and natural aspects of situations that affect you and your life. Remember this every time "pulls" to take responsibility, for example, for someone's behavior or ... for tsunami in Thailand :-).

6. Flee the fact that any event can be assessed from a different point of view!

Objective reality is not at all what each of us sees individually and interprets. What we used to call a reality is just the result of an agreement between people. An agreement call things with certain names. A look from such a position will allow more tolerant and philosophically to treat people, to be generous to themselves. Do not hang labels: "It is unfair", "humiliating", "men / women behave" so do not behave ", etc. Because we like to worry, get angry and make yourself.

7. Do not let others criticize you, moving to individuals.

You have the right to give feedback to a person, explaining that you do not want to keep the conversation in such a format. Discuss your personal qualities in a negative context will not. While your actions can be evaluated. Especially when it is a constructive criticism, as it can be used for your own good.

8. Analyze your past, disperse, which led you to the current state of affairs.

Often, already becoming adults, we are blamed our parents, teachers or someone else in our failures. Keep over your past, do not let him go, although the past is no longer.

Of course, when we were small and defenseless, we have a lot of who could offend and offended. Of course, parents and other significant people have often too much affects on the child, suppressing its naturalness and forming a negative attitude towards themselves. With the consequences of these impacts, it is not so easy to cope.

In these cases, there is a reason to turn to a psychologist. But I am writing self-help technique, so I propose to look at the negative moments of our past under a different angle. Now, when we are adults, we can do not look around for parents and take responsibility for our lives in our hands.

Now, when you are adults, you can make a choice how to live and what to do. Decide what your adult life will be. Because now you are strong and big. You can give the offender, physically or psychologically. You have long been not the little child, which is so dependent on almighty parents.

You have a lot of available resources: information (Internet, books, press, trainings, seminars, etc.), physical (autonomy and independence in movement and self-service), human (the ability to get the help of any specialists, other people), financial (adult can earn) temporary (the ability to independently plan your time). And I want you to think about it. And they made their choice of an adult, today you have this opportunity.

9. Pay attention to the fact that some defeats are good luck.

Due to other defeats, you can draw conclusions about false purposes, to revise the concept, determine if you spend the direction in the right direction. And therefore avoid larger disappointments and troubles.

10. Do not put up with circumstances, classes and people who make you feel your inferiority.

If, despite the efforts to change yourself or them so much to feel confidence, you cannot, it is better to search for other places and roads. Life is too short to spend it on the despondency!

11. Start practicing communicating.

Communication is the possibility of exchanging energy, emotions and information with completely different people unlike each other. Imagine that these and other people, as well as you, may experience fear and uncertainty, try to help them. Decide that you can give people and what you want to receive from them. Let's understand others that you are open to such an exchange: smile, make a compliment, praise, talk.

12. Let yourself relax.

Learn to listen to your desires, feelings, feelings. Allocate regular time to yourself to be alone with yourself with yourself, to get together with thoughts, hear yourself, it is better to understand yourself. Take a rule "care for yourself with small steps": Ask every morning, ask yourself what you want today. It may be the smallest, for example, stroll, make yourself a beautiful delicious sandwich, work out gymnastics or buy some trifle.

13. Try not to use constantly avoidance strategies, protecting your "I".

Try to throw and take a challenge of your mature and move forward. Stay in idleness and isolation is not the best choice.

Learn to give feedback to people, say what you like, and what is not, but do it calmly, specifically and on time. Use the "expressions", without charges and complaints about the other. Do not make a resentment, because often their causes lie in our expectations about the behavior of other people who are not justified.

Think about how your expectations are real? Stop fantasize that others should guess everything yourself, to understand everything and feel. The shortest way to get what you want to ask about it. But what about the fear, what will refuse? :-) Remember, many times have you been denied you? Just refuses, we carefully "collect" into a special basket and do not remember all the other times when the necessary one was obtained. Many are just not asked not to get a failure. When you possess the statistics of failures, then argue with me!

14. Think about your goals and choose several serious remote goals for yourself, on the way to which you need to achieve the goals of smaller and intermediate.

Note what funds, resources are needed to make these steps and come to these results. Count where you can get these resources, get, ask, etc., what needs to be done for this. "Discount network" more widely, look for different options. Praise yourself for each step taken, because it leads you to the goal. You have done work and can be proud of yourself, even if it is only the beginning of the way.

15. Imagine yourself as a person who matured, has more experiences.

You have passed and able to overcome a huge amount of difficulties. You grew up and learned to walk, although it was very difficult. You resisted and put in difficult situations, defended themselves, fought, achieved. Finished school, overcoming the endless whirlpool of difficult events, contradictory requirements, psychological pressure and stress.

You took and challenged, relying on our strength and opportunities, moving forward all the time. Think about the fact that you are not a helpless and weak creature at all, but an active person who managed to survive and defeat. And these are not high words, because you, since the very beginning of the origin of your life, supported by the powerful forces of nature developed and born, despite numerous lunaries, and therefore won!

Starting something new, it is difficult to cover everything at once, so I suggest, to move progressively, but it's right, looking around without hurrying, step by step, every item. By giving yourself enough time, calmly and patiently. You can choose those items from which you want to start, there is no need to move in chronological order. Performing one or several steps will bring positive changes, even earlier than you think. Act, praising myself for the smallest successes.

Tags: insecurity, self-esteem,

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About self-esteem

Psychologist Andrei Yudin: "The metaphor of low self-esteem completely does not reflect the real complex psychological processes that give rise to the concern of this problem. For" problems with self-esteem "there are always much more complex things: tons of false ideas about their inferiority, the lack of experience of safe and respectful close relationships, Insufficient ability to integrate feedback and so on. "

Tags: self-esteem,

Fear and ban manifest or how to get out of their "shell"

Gestalt therapist Tatiana Butovskaya: "Many people are familiar to the feeling of fear of rejection. Such people constantly fear that their actions, emotions or personality will be rejected by others. The fact that sooner or later they will be deprived of adoption (love) surrounding and become outcasts. Therefore, better Do not manifest, be comfortable and further deserve the love of others, but in the essence of the parents. "

Tags: fear, uncertainty, self-esteem,

Learn to ask

Psychologist Anastasia Platonova: "And it seems it seems that everything is easier, if you just ask - and it does not work. The whole series in my head is unfolding about events before, after and instead. The worst and nasty expectations are born. And then to replace the inner need to ask It gets out the whole range of emotions. "

Tags: insecurity, taking yourself,

Impaired man

Gestalt therapist Maria Dolgih: "People who in childhood a lot and often had to face the depreciation from their parents, in adulthood they are forced to fall in a situation where their value, as partners, specialists, as people, with equal other rights are placed under doubt or threat. "

Tags: identity development, domestic violence, uncertainty, indecision, scenarios, self-esteem,

How and how did humanity boast before the emergence of social networks? Why do people share those who love to publicly complain, talk about problems or ask for help, and those who hide "bad" and shows only the inequered version of their lives? Pleasses psychotherapist Irina Marodik.

Tags: positive psychology, communications, envy, self-esteem,

Self-esteem is not forever

Psychologist Miroslav Miroshnik: "Self-esteem is a concept that at first glance seems easier for nowhere, in order to use it in all ridiculous articles that I saw. Well, say, self-esteem, which is incomprehensible, this is evaluating yourself, here and discuss There is nothing. But the nonubuns, there is a definition that is deeper than just "evaluating yourself."

Tags: self-esteem,

Respect yourself: what does it mean?

The feeling of self-esteem is felt in the body, felt in other people, but it is difficult to talk about it. What does "dignity" mean? And what does "worthy" mean? Who determines that it is worthy that there is no, and for what criteria do we separate the first from the second? Says Gestalt therapist Ilya Latypov.

Tags: self-esteem,

How to eliminate respect and gratitude from your life

Gestalt therapist Ilya Latypov: "There is one universal formula, which allows you to effectively eliminate such experiences from your life as respect (self-esteem) and gratitude (including in relation to yourself). I think that a huge number of inhabitants faced her Our country, with the result that we are clearly observed a shortage of respect and gratitude, and strong oversupply of neglect and indifference. "

Tags: relationship, self-esteem,

Insecurity - 8 themes in the psychotherapy of understated self-esteem

Gestalt-therapist Vladimir Selivanov: "The topic of uncertainty in itself is included in the top 5 of the most popular queries for therapy. The manifestations of this uncertainty in different people can differ radically. Therefore, by itself the wording" insecurity "is of little informative. But, no matter how A variety of forms of this uncertainty, as a rule, will be raised by the same topics in the study. "

Tags: insecurity

Self-satisfaction

Psychologist Oksana Tislenko: "Self-esteem, i.e. the evaluation of self, its capabilities, qualities and places among other people, of course, refers to the basic qualities of the personality. It is in many respects that defines relationships with others, criticism, and demanding to itself, attitude to successes and failures. "

Tags: self-esteem,

Take off and falling self-esteem

Psychologist Mikhail Zavalov: "self-esteem" - a vivid example of a mixture of accurate and inaccurate. The term has different definitions, but they all reduce about the fact that this is a subjective assessment by a person's human value. There are about 200 methods of its measurement, but they all work on the basis of subjective answers. "

Tags: self-esteem,

4 ways to form a healthy self-esteem

Psychologist Irina Gandan: "Our task like close adults is to help our children to establish honest contact with them, see themselves different, multifaceted, on a lot capable, explore their strengths and subtle, sensitive, vulnerable places, learn how to cope with the fact that It is possible or poorly obtained. "

Tags: upbringing, parental relationship, self-esteem,

Three ways to stop depending on someone else's opinion

Psychologist Elena Binkevich: "Almost everyone experienced, and many constantly feel dependent on other people's assessments. Fearing and avoiding negative assessments, a person seeks to guess, set up his behavior to in his opinion, receive only positive evaluations. If you want to stop being addicted From someone else's opinion, spend your time and strength in anticipation of the assessment from the side. And having received it, worry, then use the method described. "

Tags: fear, insecurity, shame,

Self-confidence allowance

Psychotherapist Alexander Kuzmichye: "What is called low self-esteem? When I appreciate myself, comparing with other people. After all, I will inevitably come to the fact that they have (in humans) the chances of something to exceed qualitatively above simply because They are 7 billion, and I am one. "

Tags: self-esteem,

Central Drama Narcissa: What am I?

Gestalt-therapist, Sergey Smirnov: "Narcissa self-esteem is greatly dependent on the opinions of others and or chronically lowered, or extremely unstable. People with other types of personality can use others to maintain self-confidence. Narcissa, being unsaturated in this regard, is interested in It is always. At the same time, again, due to unsaturacies, he will strive to take more from a person. He will be able to stop himself, except that, fear "Press too much and get a conviction."

Tags: neurosis, narcissism, shame, self-esteem,

Syndrome of the impostor: "Everyone thinks that I understand well in my case, but I know that it is not so"

Psychologists and scientists lead figures from 30 to 70% of professionals - that is, almost half of the successful people who surround us, to some extent feel self-plane. The psychologist from Harvard Amy Kaddi recalls that the writer Neil Geym's writer suffered from the syndrome - after the release of several bestsellers, he was tormented by nightmares about the exposure.

Tags: insecurity, indecision, self-esteem, impostor syndrome,

Vampires inside us. Outwaspirism

Psychotherapist Mikhail Litvak: "The story about how a person eats himself goes into deep childhood. The whole process of education is the process of attaching certain rules (principles, instructions), which then begin to eat a person if it should be blindly.

Tags: feeling of guilt, personality, insecurity, infantality,

How to pump a psyche athlete to win

Psychologist, hypnotherapist Nikita Baturin: "The number of my clients includes the champions of Russia and the world, so about the influence of the mental state for the success of the athlete's performance at the competition, I know very well. Most mistakes that are committed by athletes occur due to the disconnection of consciousness from the process. Brain is The main tool of the mechanism of the whole body, and due to him, you can use all the reserves of a person - and physical, and mental, which will allow to come to the desired result. "

Tags: motivation, career, hypnosis, personality, insecurity, indecision,

Life without ratings

Elena Shvavarkova Gestalt-therapist: "Paradoxically, but it is low self-esteem and makes us criticize others. Treating to yourself no matter, feeling uncertain, we will gladly remove our own tension, finding someone more" worst ".

Tags: insecurity, self-esteem, taking yourself,

Dependence on someone else's opinion

Ekaterina Vashukova, psychologist: "Dependence from someone else's opinion is capable of not only to harm in the real moment of time, but also to spoil the whole life. So people are arranged for hated work, girls marry a man who chose parents, someone refuses hobbies, because that it is not fashionable or distract from communication. "