The sailor and the former pirate began to be told at the rack in the port of Kabaska, began
we travert who was where I saw what I saw. Pirates wooden leg, iron
hook instead of hand and dressing on the site of one eye. The sailor asks:
- And where did you lose your leg?
- Somehow we caught up with English frigate. Imagine - 40 guns against
Our 12, I extended our bark, but we were sinking him! And during this
The battle to me tipped off the kernel foot.
- Yes ... What happened to your hand?
- Once we attacked Spanish galleon, loaded with gold, I first
Jumping on the deck. The Spaniards fought like devils, I shut them captain,
But he managed to cut off my hand. Now I can fly the hook is not worse than your hands!
- Where did you lose your eyes?
- Yes, this fluttering the seagull managed to naggle me straight into the eye ...
- z8-0 ???
- You see, it happened on the first day as I began to wear a hook ...
Sit on the hillock Will, Jack and Elizabeth. Heads tracked, looking into the sky.
Elizabeth:
- Looking at the clouds, you can see different figures. Will, what do you see?
Will:
- Those group of clouds reminds me of the outline of the port-piano bastions. That's the cloud looks like a famous Italian sculptor. And in the one, the group of clouds reminds me of the scene from the Holy Scripture, and on the right - the Apostle Paul.
Elizabeth:
- Good, Will. And you, Jack? What do you see?
Jack (frowning):
- I wanted to say that I see a cuisine and horse, but changed my mind.
Little son Will asks Jack:
- Uncle Jack, and what is drunk?
- Well, it's easy. Won, you see two palm trees? And drunk always seems to be four.
- Wow! And where is the second palm tree, Uncle Jack?
Pirate ship captured a trading liner. Well, pirates of all men abroad, and the women were distributed among themselves. Baba did not get caught. Well, he comes to the captain and says: "Kep and so. I did not get babe. "
And Kep says: "Now everything is walked."
Kep is building the whole team and says: "Brothers! Here Kokua Baba did not go, what will we do? I suggest so. He prepares for 3 days that he wants, and we eat it and do not complain. Who will begin to complain that he gives him his woman, goes? " Everyone was thrown.
Day 1.
Sits Kok and thinks what to cook. Dragged the water from behind the side, I took the fish not cleaned, the not gone threw it there and it was welded.
All eat additives asking.
Day2. Kok took salts, there was a rotten sickles of the old octopus, all reasured, cross. Everyone eaten, praise.
Day3. Evening.
Kok no longer knows what to come up. Takes a plate in hand. And then I went to her in great and goes with a plate in the cabin to the captain. It comes and puts the plate on the table. Kep takes a spoon and tries.
KPP: "GAV * Oh?
Coc: "Gav * o.
KPP: "And how is it cooking !!!
Jack and Elizabeth on a uninhabited island. Without food and fresh water for a week. Suddenly Elizabeth brings wild ducks.
Jack: Where is it from? And how did you get it?
Elizabeth: Yes, by the sea. Boomerang shot down.
Jack: And where does the boomerang come from?
Elizabeth: Yes, under the palm tree was lying ...
Jack: Listen, Elizabeth, if you get my socks again, I'll go hunt with your dress on Tiger!
Caught Will Golden Fish.
Fish prayed: "Let me go pirate back to the sea, for this I will fulfill any of your desire !!!"
Will thought and said: "I don't need anything from you, I already have everything, they feed well, there are some friends around. I will fulfill you better than the first morning desire of Jack, "and let go of the fish.
In the morning, Jack wakes up, goes to the deck and says: "Eh, the weather today is excellent, anchor to my throat."
Court comes to Wille Turner.
Judge: The accused is called. Tell the court as it was That night.
Will: I sit in my saddle, and then I find out that my wife has a lover! Run bearing head home. I break into our bedroom! Elizabeth sits on the crib and reads a book. Cooked open. I looked, and I see how Norrington goes under the window, well, I take a bedside table and throw it right on Norrington.
Judge: "Calling witness Elizabeth Turner!"
EL: I'm calm in our bedroom I sit read a book, and here my furious husband is broken and throws my favorite bedside table into the open window!
Judge: "Called the victims of the Norrington Commander"
Commander: I usually go around the city at night, and then the bedside table falls on me !!!
Judge: The pirate of Jack Vorobe is called ...
Jack: Captain!
Judge: Oh yeah, Captain Jack Sparrow!
Jack: I sit I mean in a bedside table ...
Absolutely drunk Jack Sparrow goes through the park. Suddenly, where neither take, it hits him.
Batz! Jack rises and says:
- "Do not understand?!"
Only somehow rose - the bear is worried. Batz!
Jack rises again:
- "Do not understand?"
Here the hare flies to meet. Batz!
- "Well, wow, for what?"
And then the voice of Norrington from above:
- "You are the most pitiful pirate from those I have seen! Sparrow would move away from the carousel "!
Slugged Jack sits in a cabin. Knock on the door. Approached
To the door, asks:
- Who's there?
- Discover, Guardsmen!
- What do you need?
- Talk!
- How much are you?
- Two.
- So talk!
Barbossa - Are you what, do you think I idiot ??? !!!
Jack - I did not say that.
Barbossa - but thought!
Jack (to the side) - I do not like this guy, he reads my thoughts.
Jack and Elizabeth on a uninhabited island. Jack drank Roma. Outlou wakes up with creepy bodunger. Watching: Lem is fed up, palm trees are taken out, Elizabeth some kind of scoundrels in a barrel from under Roma with his head shoved. He takes out it and asks:
- Lizonka, who is it so?
- Oh, Jack ... What are you kind, when sober!
Will asks Jack:
"You heard a joke:" One cannibal complains his friend: "I mistaken my wife." And he soothes him: "Do not worry, you have two more!"?
Jack:
- No, I did not hear. Tell me!
Having scored the next cant, Jack is slowly walking on Port Royal. It stops at the forge and begins to knock on the door. Will opens the door.
Jack for a long time, carefully, looks at him and then says:
- Well. Turner, come in, once came.
Three harsh flibistra captured Galion
(the breaks of them all cholera, it will be cursed three times)
He arose from nowhere, in a light haze as a mirage
and they decided to immediately take on the board
Skyrplay Pokaluchan, clad of iron, hooks, moans, blood "river",
It is impossible to pass this slaughter with one line,
The whole team is interrupted, water is splashing in the trunk
and sinister hung over the beat of trouble
Grays Gold Nabita, Flushing, Spices, Wine,
gunflakes, rats, raw and dark,
on the flagpole "Black" Roger, the course to Mallorca on Nord-Ost,
According to the custom of Flint, as always, their first toast
For "Vivat" Roma Barrel, and perhaps even three,
But it will not happen to dawn to dawn this night,
ate fish, Solonin, only suddenly in an hour,
from cabins that opposite hear the female voice
Whether whether whether the cough could be a dumping laughter,
Just suddenly the deadly horror snapped everyone
The door with the creak opened, played light on the walls
And in the cabin to them a disgusting skeleton fell!
Without teeth, gray strands, the temple breaks through the bone,
Yes, they recognized her, they knew this "guest",
on the face of the eyebrow "Lepa", triumphant oskal,
And in her hand it is a bony full glass
On the chest, all the same beads, the same leather Camcole,
the same sword and boots and the same audacious floor,
In the one that horror brought all and all hundreds of miles
They learned Lady Jeanne de Belville in the ghost!
"My sons were killed," she was swallowed with melancholy,
"I found in the loop in ree, unautherdened my peace,
I really lacked these thirty years old
and long lies without a case my proven musket ... "
......
Directed by Kuzyakin drank, lit, closed his eyes,
He dreamed of laurels, palm trees, vine,
nomination to "Oscar", vodka, women, a grocery,
He slammed his script and forgotten a strong sleep
In the history of mankind, there is no one area of \u200b\u200bactivity, where the woman would not leave her mark. They did not go around the piracy, despite the belief of the pirates that the woman on the ship is not good.
Jeanne de Belville became the first to famous humanity. She was born in 1315, at the 20th age married, but family happiness did not last long, the husband was executed as a result of a strife between nobles. There was a centenary war between France and England, and in France itself it was restless. There was a split of the nobles, some of them were supported by the king of France, others - the king of England, Jeanne de Belville's husband was on the side of the latter.
Wanting to revenge for the death of a husband, Jeanne de Belville sells all his jewels and, having watched the support of the English king, buys three ships. Subsequently, this squadron will be called "Fleet Retribution in La Manche".
For several years, "fleet" Jeanne de Belville under her leadership was horrified into French shopping and warships, and the pirate itself participated in battles on a par with men. The actions of Zhanna were distinguished by special cruelty, the crews captured by her ships were destroyed in place.
As a result, the King of France Philip VI gave an order by anything to catch pirate.
After a long persecution of the escade of Jeanne de Belville, he was surrounded by Jeanne fled on a small barcase along with sons and a dozen proven people. For more than ten days, Barcas Zhanna sought the French bank without any navigation instruments.
After disembarking off the shores of France, the pirated career Zhanna de Belville ended. She spent the rest of his life calmly, married, and her son even took one of the highest posts of France.
Atlantic Ocean, Pirates ship.
From the cabins of the captain there are sounds "Throw anchor, lift the sail, right
steering, left steering, power steering. "
One pirate to another:
- I hear, our captain is what? Slept?
- I do not know, two months from the cabin will not climb!
- Che is he eats there at all?
- And where does the toilet go?
In short, the riot arranged, the door to the cabin bathed broke. Look at
the table of his skeleton lies.
Pirate:
- Listen, and who gave orders two months?
And the parrot jumped on the table and shouted "to the boarding!, On the board!"
Jack is returned in the morning for the ship. The angry Will immediately attacks him:
- I drink!
-Not!
-Drank!!
-Not!
-Then say "Gibraltar"
-G-Mr. Gi-gi ... drank.
Governor Swann and Commander Nornington Discuss Jack Sparrow:
- It seems to me that he is 35 years old.
"And I would give him 40 years."
- And I would give him life.
Commander Norington finally crushed Jack Sparrow! Then she smoothed long and rushed her mouth
Little son Will asks Jack:
- Uncle Jack, and what is drunk?
- Well, it's easy. Won, you see two palm trees? And drunk always seems to be four.
- Wow! And where is the second palm tree, Uncle Jack?
Another drunkenness is hired on the "black pearl"
Gibbs: Do you know how to swim?
Pianchuga: And what, you have no ship?
Jack recorded in the ship's magazine: "Today Gibbs was drunk."
Gibbs offended and stated that it was the only case.
- I sincerely sorry, - said Jack, - but I have to record everything
cases, even exceptional.
A few days later Gibbs recorded in the journal: "Today the captain was
sober. "
Will - Jack, I have a child with Elizabeth!
Jack - What are you yelling?! And where - thank you?
At the World Championships in jumping from a 10-meter tower, a unique exercise showed the captain Jack Sparrow - a triple flip of stuck from the position swaying, horrifying, stepping up and bursting.
Caught Will Golden Fish.
Fish prayed: "Let me go pirate back to the sea, for this I will fulfill any your desire !!!"
Will thought and said: "I don't need anything from you, I already have everything, they feed well, there are some friends. I will fulfill the first morning desire of Jack," and let go of the fish.
In the morning, Jack wakes up, goes to the deck and says: "Eh, the weather today is excellent, I am anchored in a throat."
Ladies from the highest society gathered for the girl who sat down Elizabeth. All night they told different stories, shared secrets, secret feelings, experiences. By morning, Jack Sparrow fell from the cabinet.
Giselle complains Scarlett:
"Yesterday Jack drove me, and when we retired, he took advantage of my state ....
-What, again escaped?
Will and Jack are studying a showcase of a jewelry store.
Jack: - Do you see that diamond? How much do you think you can get for it?
Will: - It all depends on the judge ...
We are judged by Will Torner for applying serious injuries to Sir Norington.
-Accused!
"We understand, I am a blacksmith, working late. Here I inform me that my wife has a lover. Well, I carry home, I see Elizabeth lies in bed, the window is open, and a suspicious subject is departed from the house. I grab a bedside table and thump in it.
-Svidelitsa Elizabeth Turner!
-I lie in bed, I read my favorite book. Here my husband runs up, grabs the bedside table and throws it into the window.
-Passed!
- I make every evening bypassing the city. I pass by the house of Turners and here the bedside table flies out of the open window.
-Svidel Jack Sparrow!
-Captain Jack Sparrow!
-What will you say about this case?
- I, it means on the bedside table ...
Pirates! Spirit of freedom and rebellion! Which of us in childhood did not like them? And even after many years, sympathy and interest do not weaken to their personnel and the older generation. In this material we will remember, and maybe we learn new, original, inspiring and funny pirate phrases and expressions.
Idea for children's holiday
"Thousand devils! Piastra! Anchor to me in the bay! " So, let's begin. Sea robbers and romance, at the same time coarse and brave, traveling through the maritime expanses in search of mining, making themselves by robbery and ride. As you know, the sea is a harsh girlfriend and stay in the sea captivity imposes an imprint on pirates. "And the sailors about God remember when their sea hugs tightly." Therefore, most pirated expressions and phrases are pretty robbery, as well as the robbers themselves.
Bright and extraordinary pirates, strong and sometimes very rough expressions complement their image. What is not a reason to arrange a party or the birthday of Ash, kid in the spirit of piracy? And some pirated phrases for children can simply memorize and use in various contests. And their encrypted or veiled meaning is easy to explain to children.
International Pirate Day
"Palundra! All hands on deck!" "Breaking me thunder!" The famous laureate Dave Barry wrote about one fun among a small circle of people who celebrate the day of the pirate. This idea with enthusiasm picked up and supported journalists. And now, on September 19, this day is marked in the original. This day is called "Say as Pirate!" The founders of this holiday are John Baurone and Mark Summenson, who at one time the jokes decided to use Pirate Slang at the party, all started in the late 1995 on September 19.
Examples of the most famous pirate expressions
Let us give examples and analyze the value of some pirated phrases.
"Swallow a black label." This expression implies a deep offense, silence, unwillingness to talk.
"Slug byp." The value of this phrase is reduced to eating, dense meal.
"Mixed in a quiet harbor." Pirates were still those romantics and connoisseurs of female beauty. And that means ... marry! That's what!
"Wash the throat." On slang means drunk. "Torture a storm in the trum." This expression also expresses the desire of the pirate to drink something strong and hot.
"Shake bones." This means just to dance.
"Get together with the Sea Devil." The meaning of this pathoral expression comes down to the manifestation of anger, rage or discontent.
"Branding golden or throw piastra." Buy something.
Jack Sparrow. Captain Jack Sparrow
Wonderful and unforgettable managed to create the image of the Pirate of Johnny Depp. His character turned out to be distinctive, original and not like anyone. Jack Sparrow, sorry, Captain Jack Sparrow has significantly replenished a list of pirated phrases. Let us give your attention some of them.
"To all anyone! I dropped my brains ... "Or, for example:" You need to beware of honest people: you will not even notice when they throw out some kind of nonsense. " "My hands are clean! Hmm ... figuratively. " Captain Jack Sparrow is a famous pirate who prefers to solve questions in most of its peaceful way, using all its unique reserve of eloquence and wit. This quality allocates it from the images of traditional pirates. And he is charming, Mil, Hiter, careful and enters into a fight only in case of extreme need.
Pirate slang, black label and much more
Pirates remained in the past, and if there are separate vessels today, who declared themselves with pirates, it is very short. Pirate slang preserved, acquired some comic and simpleness. Here, for example, such funny pirate phrases.
"Full sails and dry swimming!" Here are the wishes of successful swimming, good luck and good way. "Captain's daughter". This phrase meant with nine tails. Or such a quotation of the famous Jack Sparrow: "You're either madman or genius! Although these are two extremes of the same entity! " "Baba on the ship - to the big trouble! You won't take it - it will be worse! "
In addition to pirate phrases, the concept of "black label" is used. She served as a pirates with a specific business card, was also a helpful sign, and for their fellows he endured a death sentence. He was received by those pirates that did not follow the code. Yes, everyone knows that Pirates have existed a pirate code. He was a set of rules that was obliged to honor every self-respecting pirate.
Let's look at some more pirated phrases:
- "Roll out the white flag!"
- "Hey, elbow to the elbow we will pass a couple of barrels of Roma!"
- "Get anchor!"
- "Shut up and let go!"
- "Cowardly puppy. Porto rat! Roll to Dave Jones! " - That is, go to the dead, which remained in hell.
It is believed that piracy is the lot of harsh men, weathered, on the ships of which were waving a black flag or "cheerful roger", but among them there were both female pirates who were superior to many robbers and participated in the most incredible adventures. One of these pirates was Alvilda, the Scandinavian Princess.
Conclusion. Outcome
Summing up this material, I would like to wish for all the wonderful mood, feel the spirit of piracy, to spend a similar holiday among your friends and have fun for glory not only to children, but also adults. I remember the favorite joke of the wonderful Joni Depp about the polite skeleton-pirate, who orders the Pint of Roma in the Kabaska, carefully asks the waiter to bring him a mop!
Jokes about piratesJokes about pirates and captain Jack-Sparrow
This happened in those distant times, when there are still proud sailboats of the oceans ... Once pirates attacked the ship of one bold captain. Young team fell in panic. The captain ordered the older sailor loudly: - Bring my red shirt! The eldest sailor rushed into the cabin of the captain and quickly brought the red shirt to the captain. That put her on her - and he led his team into battle against the pirates. Although the team of brave captain and suffered losses - pirates were broken completely! The team has not yet managed to move away from the battle of the battle - how two ships under the black flag appeared on the horizon. Pirates! The team on the ship did not recover after the first battle, the sailors rushed into a bunch and frightened their eyes to the captain. He calmly ordered the older sailor: - Bring my red shirt! And again in a heavy battle won the captain with his team. Pirates were broken! But the losses were already much more! In the evening of this heavy day, the deadly tired and completely devastated team on the stern along with the captain - and began to discuss the battle details. One of the sailors asks Captain: - Why are you, sir, always before the fight require a red shirt?! The captain looked at the sailor deep into the eyes and replied: - If I am wounded in battle - the blood will not be visible on the red shirt - it allows the sailor to believe in their captain and courageously fight on! The sailors silently admired the wisdom and courage of their captain! In the morning, when the haze was scattered over the ocean, a cry sounded over this sailboat: - 10 pirated ships appeared on the horizon! They go in our direction! Over the deck hung a terrible silence, the sailors looked at their captain hopefully and waited when he would give his usual order to her older sailor. The captain, as always calm and confident, turned to the older sailor and sullenly ordered: - Bring my brown pants
***
Pirates landed.
Captain:
- Here the crocodile put the eggs ... who knows: why?
Nathaniel:
- old he is already ... they do not need him ...
***
Only Russians can organize luxurious cruises off the coast of Africa in order to enhance the Somali pirates.
Pirate products flooded counters: boarding hooks, black tags, jamaican rum, gunpowder, Solonina, Dead Man Chests, Arkebuses and Parrots on Dumping Prices Obtain Similar Domestic Products from the market ...
***
Flowing on the Mediterranean Sea Jewish pirate ship: left side - 40 formidable cannons, right side - respectively, on the mast fluttering a huge black flag with a skull and bones, and down - small, white ... well, just in case.
***
On the set of "Pirates of the Caribbean":
- And now, Mr. Depp, you must jump from the rocks in the sea!
- Daa? And if I break and die ???
- Nothing terrible ... This is the final episode of the film!
***
The young pirate comes to the captain of Flint and says:
"Captain, a blue label threw me, I know that a black mark means that they will be killed soon, but what does the blue mean - I don't know?!
"Also nothing good," Flint answered.
***
- I heard? A rocket cruiser sent against Somali Pirates!
- Oh no! Now they also have a cruiser ...
***
Atlantic Ocean, Pirates ship.
From the cabins of the captain there are sounds "to quit an anchor, lift the sail, the right steering wheel, the left steering wheel, the right steering wheel."
One pirate to another:
- I hear, our captain is what? Slept?
- I do not know, two months from the cabin will not climb!
- Che is he eats there at all?
- And where does the toilet go?
In short, the riot arranged, the door to the cabin bathed broke. Look, and on the table his skeleton lies.
Pirate:
- Listen, and who gave orders two months?
And the parrot jumped on the table and shouted "to the boarding!, On the board!"
***
A crisis. In a foreign port, there are three ships - French, Italian and Russian. Sailors are sitting without money, fuel on the outcome ...
French people:
- La-la, this fishing no longer brings a penny. We throw this damn job!
The French flag descends, the sailors leave the ship.
Italians:
- Mamma Mia, we completely broke with this fish! We need another job!
The Italian flag is descended, the sailors leave the ship.
Russians:
- They are right. It's time to tie with this fucking fishing!
The Russian flag is lowered. Flag rises with skull and bones. The ship goes to the shores of Somalia ...
***
Russian sailors let go of Somali pirates. However, so that they are more like pirates, wicked everyone alone and cut off one leg.
***
Hearing noise and screams on the deck, the sailors understood that the prey of pirates, but they managed to escape and barricaded in the hold.
Three days satisfied courageous sailors in the twilight, feeding out of containers with vodka, caviar, drinks, delicacies, in turn, making love with a woman with them with them from the customs, until finally the boatswain did not explain to them through the rail door that these are no na th not pirates, but arrived a change from the mainland.
***
Old pirate, already at rest, tells his grandchildren with different funny stories from their stormy biography.
"Grandfather," the grandchildren ask, "Did you have terrible cases?" The old pirate thought, reckled the phone.
"Yes," he finally said, "I remember one terrible case ... this is when we have a little ends!"
***
Jack Sparrow is returning in the morning for the ship. The angry Will immediately attacks him:
- I drink!
-Not!
-Drank!!
-Not!
-Then say "Gibraltar"
-G-Mr. Gi-gi ... drank.
***
Captain on nicknamed cod, old pirate, in the beer "Drunk Chaika" once a night told stories from his marine life.
"I had a parrot," he said, finishing his rum. - It was just an incredible bird! He could imitate anything - Charlie Chaplin, Jack-Ripper, Merlin Monroe, Pope Polish ... Even Nancy Reagan!
- Wow! - exclaims Bartender Igor. - Where is he? What happened to him?
- Eh! - Sighs the old pirate. - There was a harsh time, I was hungry - so I ate him!
- Did you devour your parrot? - Igor exclaims with disgust. - What is it tasteful?
"To taste, he was exactly like turkey," the captain of the Cod is responsible. - This parrot could imitate anything!
***
Pirates take on the boarding ship. Well, there are screams, shooting, blood by Niagara Falls ... On the tank, the only remaining captain of the captain fiercely beats the attacks numerically superior to the pirates. In the end, it takes it alive and as promotion is promised to let go, but if ...
1. We will drink, "say," the three-liter jar of brutal sailed! One spirit!
(It seems to be called Buryakovka ...)
2.- Delete our lion sick tooth! He is there in the hold ...
(And hungry! ..)
3.- Satisfy the aunt Masha.
(No one managed to anyone, even the whole team ...)
I want to live.
- Let's, - Says, - Your Moonshine!
He drank, sleeved, pushed and went to the hold. From there, screams, the growl, roar ... After 3 hours it turns out, the whole isomed, in the blood, etc.
- Well, and-k-kkk, where is your woman, who has a tooth?
***
Captured the pirates ship. Captain and says:
- Bab - overboard, and men - in the hold, then we will fuck them.
- But the peasants do not fuck! - scattered women.
- Fuck, fuck!
***
The captain asks:
- What is the fastest of all, pirates? Here you are, Blum ..
- Faster everything, captain, Corvette ..
- Praa.a.villy, Blum, and why?
- Well ... Spanish will not have time to think about how you already sailed ...
- Well, right ... Well, there you have Nathaniel?
- In total, the pypitis is still diarrhea, do not have time to think about how already rushed.
***
Caught somehow the pirates of the American (a), Frenchman (f) and Khokhla (x). Pirate captain and says: - I will go to freedom if everyone pays $ 10,000, or eat a bag of raw potatoes, or I'm fucking you, and otherwise I kill. A: NO RROBLEM - got the money went out, left; F: O-La-La -The pants, bent, etc.; X: I will eat potatoes! Eat-eats, ate floor bags, and no longer climbs into it. He took off his pants, waiting. Captain approached, and he had a dubb - a meter long - began to insert. X: (thinks) - Oh mommy, with unusual and die you can die! I will have to see all the money to get the money.
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