“I’m shy about people” is a problem that many people face. And although the younger generation most often suffers from it, some adults, to one degree or another, also experience it. In this article I will tell you about how to stop being shy about people and never do this again, and also forever get rid of any other types of shyness, if you have any.

First of all, it should be said about why some people generally begin to be shy about other people. Like any personal psychological problem, the roots of people’s embarrassment grow from experienced episodes of the past.

• Firstly, we all encounter various unpleasant situations in interaction with others, which sometimes result in pain, fear, tears, embarrassment, shame, resentment, etc. negative emotions and condition. As a result, trying not to encounter negativity anymore, we begin to avoid certain situations and people themselves, and one day this may result in a stable personality trait - shyness.
• Secondly, throughout our entire life we ​​perceive great amount information, some of which we turn into our opinions, beliefs, postulates, and we set restrictions and prohibitions for ourselves based on it. And so, for example, you can receive an instruction from parents not to communicate with strangers because they can be dangerous. Even if such an attitude was given long ago in childhood and with good intentions, but, unfortunately, it persists in the head and continues to influence today’s communication with strangers, causing fear and shyness. Or you can, following someone else, begin to consider shyness a “good positive” quality, in contrast to the “bad” quality - arrogance. Well, of course, we are good, not bad, so we are embarrassed. :)
• Sometimes we simply unwittingly copy shyness from someone close to us - we observe and adopt their behavior patterns, reactions, emotions. Remember your parents, other relatives, your close social circle from childhood - maybe one of them is shy around people or was shy before?

The reasons for shyness, of course, are also individual for everyone, but one way or another, for everyone they lie in the past, or rather in the domestic garbage, which was formed as a result of what was once experienced - a subconscious memory of experienced negative states and emotions, developed fears, apprehensions, phobias, limiting beliefs, all sorts of internal prohibitions and other rubbish. It is all this mental garbage that needs to be dealt with in order to finally stop being shy about people.

How to free yourself from internal garbage and stop being shy about people

To "I'm shy around people" has turned from a problem into an empty phrase, you need to take a closer look at your past and sort through the rubble of all the rubbish that it gave birth to in you. And although it is impossible to change your past, you can completely eliminate its influence - and this will be more than enough to defeat embarrassment in relation to people and, in general, completely over any psychological problem.

The best way to eliminate the influence of the past and cleanse yourself of all internal debris is with the help of subconscious, and that's why:

1. It is there, in the depths of your subconscious, that information about every episode of your life is stored. After all, much is no longer in the memory, but everything is in the subconscious!
2. The subconscious is not only a repository of data about your life, but also a very useful tool! With the help of the subconscious, you can not only find any episodes from your past (including even the first days of life), but also, by setting a special algorithm, process them so that the negativity associated with these episodes and all the internal garbage generated by them completely disappears. At the same time, you don’t need to remember any episodes; you just need to point them out to your subconscious.
3. The incredible computing power of the subconscious allows you to carry out a huge amount of work - you can remove the garbage that interferes with your life in whole cars, rather than throwing it out individually. So, for example. you can give your subconscious a command to immediately work through all the episodes in which someone hurt you, or all those in which you could not do something because of your embarrassment of people. The subconscious will very clearly find all such episodes and process them to perfection! And in the background stealth mode, which in no way prevents you from going about your business.

Working through the past - this is not memory erasing. Your memories will remain safe and sound. It’s just that if you previously remembered some situations with unpleasant emotions or tried not to think about something in the past at all, then after processing you will be able to replay even the most terrible traumatic situations in your head without any negativity. Gradually, you will no longer have any desire to delve into your past. Finally you can live here and now. :)

All you need to put your subconscious to work is to instruct it to process a particular problem using a special algorithm. The algorithm is contained in instructions, each of which needs to be read only once and activated with a key phrase. And then return to your business and get results. :)

There are already many such instructions (protocols) aimed at solving the most different problems- all sorts of shyness, all sorts of fears, insecurities, problems with money, problems in relationships and so on. You will also be able to create protocols yourself to solve your narrower problems, if suddenly something is not among the ready-made materials.

A unique technique that combines the above-described approach to working on oneself and contains ready-made instructions for solving a wide variety of personal problems is called Turbo Suslik. It is very easy to use and does not take much time, but it requires a serious attitude to work. Detailed description You will find this system for working on yourself in the book-guide by Dmitry Leushkin “Turbo-Gopher. How to stop fucking yourself up and start living". On our website you can download this book for free in PDF format:



I'll highlight one important point— while working through your past in order to stop being shy about people, you should also not forget about all your other problems. Even if shyness is this moment is the most relevant for you, you need to work on yourself comprehensively on all problems. This need is caused by the interconnectedness of everything in the human psyche, in which it is impossible to deal with one thing without dealing with everything that is nearby.

Even if you are very embarrassed to communicate, talk with people, ask them something or talk about something, you are embarrassed to look into their eyes, make acquaintances, even just be among people - all this will remain in the past if you are serious about yourself work using the Turbo-Suslik system.

Read what those who have already solved a bunch of their problems using the Turbo-Suslik system write, including crowding of people.

How to stop being shy - notes from a former social phobe

November 20, 2016 - One comment

“I was embarrassed to ask the driver - I got off 3 stops later”

(folk wisdom)

It’s hard to be shy - here I was shy, here I was afraid, here I didn’t dare . And so all my life. Although... is this life? Neither say a toast, nor sing in company, nor speak in public. And you're tired of being late for work - you just muster up the courage to talk to the driver, and your stop has already disappeared around the corner. Thank God, this is not the worst case yet. They say that some people leave the city like this. And yet, how to stop being shy?

My grandfather was afraid to ask the teacher at school, the teacher at the institute, and the employer at work. As a result, he was a poor student, did not graduate from college, and received mere pennies.

Another example is mine Native sister. Going out into the street, she thinks that everyone is looking at her, that something is wrong with her and everyone is discussing her. She thinks she looks clumsy and is nagging at herself about it. Because of this, he is constantly depressed.

Personally, I also did not escape this fate. Everything is fine in my personal life and at home, but at work it’s starting to go completely wrong. Since childhood, I have been afraid to call someone and talk on the phone. And now I find myself at work where I have to constantly call. I have to write down my speech on a piece of paper in advance, otherwise my tongue simply goes numb from excitement, and I am unable to say anything other than a stream of incoherent interjections.

And... uh... mmm... I... well, do you understand?!

In general, the “shyness gene” really poisoned the life of all our relatives to the last generation. And it would be like this until the end of time, if not for one “but”...

Who tends to be shy from birth?

All people are different. Few people will dispute this statement - it is so obvious. Some people are born diligent, others restless. Someone with early years has perfect pitch, and a group of bears danced boogie-woogie on someone’s ears. All these manifestations of innate properties in each of us are studied by the System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan - latest science about a human.

She claims that among us there are people who are born with a special talent - to distinguish colors, subtly feel the beauty of the world around them and receive great pleasure from it . System-vector psychology defines them as people with a visual vector. Growing up, they most often find themselves in professions such as designer, photographer, artist, model or actress.

A visual person is very emotional and feels not only beauty, but also the emotions of the people around him. He is ready to sincerely sympathize with someone else’s grief and just as sincerely laugh at someone else’s joy, sharing his emotions with the person. Living like this powerful emotions together with others, a person with a visual vector feels internally calm, fulfilled and happy.

And here lies one key feature visual person. The whole question is, to whom does he direct his emotions? There are only two options: on yourself and on the people around you.

In the second case, this is a beautiful and kind, balanced person. Perhaps he does volunteer work or performs on stage. Creates professional designs or paintings with incredible depth of talent. He radiates love outward, for which everyone around him loves him.

In the first case, everything is much worse. The owner of the visual vector, fixated on himself, begins to look for flaws in his appearance and clothes. Finds his figure, facial skin or speech imperfect. He begins to feel ashamed of himself, is afraid to meet other people and even go outside.

Further more. Over time, a self-contained viewer may even become a recluse in his own apartment. Scientifically, he is a social phobe. Need I say that a person’s life in such a state is simply unbearable?
How to avoid this unpleasant fate? Read on.

Systemic vector psychology gives very clear instructions on how to stop being embarrassed by a person with a visual vector. Very concisely it sounds like this: stop thinking about yourself and turn your gaze to another person.

Surely you yourself have noticed that even the strongest embarrassment or fear of people goes away when you start talking to a person. Be emotionally involved in it, get involved in the conversation, empathize. Once - and you are already the center of attention of the whole company, in a few minutes you have turned from a champion of embarrassment into a shirtless guy. Or in a girl's shirt.

However, the problem cannot be solved with “life hacks” and “poultices” like the one given above. Yes, they work on some level, but in order to become more confident and stop being ashamed of yourself once and for all, something more is needed. It is necessary to understand what the deepest root of embarrassment and fear is. Then you will take control of your fears and they will disappear from your life forever.

You can understand the real root of fear in online training on system-vector psychology. More than 18,000 people got your results, thereby confirming the effectiveness of the training. Many of them stopped being shy and stopped being afraid of people. Here's how they themselves talk about it:

Fear has big eyes. Take action!

These unpleasant moments in life where you have to blush, stammer and feel shy. Where you have to remain silent, passing your stop, unable to squeeze out a word. Where you are forced to order everything online, even a loaf of bread, because you can’t leave the house or even make a phone call. Where you spend hours walking around the city looking for an address or around a store looking for the right product - not being able to talk to passers-by or supermarket consultants.

What is it like for shy people? It is difficult for them to believe in themselves and their strengths; they are undeservedly forgotten in cheerful companies, sit on the sidelines, have difficulty communicating with colleagues, superiors, acquaintances and strangers.

Shy people often cannot find loyal friends or a soul mate, and experience difficulties in work and other consumer areas. What to do? How to get rid of shyness and self-consciousness for children and adults?

Where does embarrassment come from?

To find a cure for a disease, you need to determine the cause of its occurrence. This is why it is so important to understand where modesty, shyness and timidity come from. There can be many reasons, let’s consider the main factors of shyness:

• self-doubt, low self-esteem;
• psychological trauma after a negative communication experience;
• complexes regarding appearance, height, weight, etc.;
• age crisis;
• inflated demands on one’s person;
• environmental rejection;
• chronic fatigue and loss of interest in life;
• health problems;
• poor performance at school and much more.

It should be noted that modesty is a natural or feigned character trait; in each case, you can change yourself and adjust your behavior in society. Every person feels uncomfortable in unfamiliar circumstances, but over time they liberate themselves, become more sociable and find mutual language with people.

When it is very difficult to cross the threshold of uncertainty and shyness, then this is already a problem that needs to be solved, and the sooner the better. How to help a child overcome shyness and become the “life of the party”?

Developing confidence in communication

It is necessary to learn to overcome embarrassment at an early age, so that the child can build a career correctly in the future, find a common language with the right people, at the same time, he was not afraid to take the first step on the path of the new and unknown.

Top 5 effective advice How to teach a child not to be shy:

1. Modesty, shyness and indecisiveness are frequent companions on the path of growing up, and therefore it is important from the first years of life not to limit the child’s communication, it is important to introduce him to the adult world as early as possible (walks, kindergarten, going to work to visit parents, etc.).
2. If the child is shy and unsure of his words and actions, then you need to spend time with him educational conversation, discuss the current situation, possible solutions to it, show by example what would be the best thing to do in this case?
3. It is imperative to take into account the experiences and emotions in the baby’s soul, do not force him to take certain actions, run towards a stranger, say hello or kiss. We need to figure out why the child is afraid of people, why he shows shyness, and what reasons prompted this behavior.
4. Children love cartoons and fairy tales most of all, so why not take advantage of this favorite pastime in order to convey the basic tenets: how to teach a child not to be embarrassed by strangers, to feel comfortable in any life situation.
5. Parents must help the child overcome fear of contact with children on playgrounds, teach the child to get acquainted and make contact with new people, while observing acceptable limits.

Can't be ignored various factors which can lead to shyness and insecurity in the child, these are hereditary factor, physical disabilities, pressure from educators and teachers. How to teach a child not to be shy from the first years of life, to become more sociable and get rid of timidity and indecisiveness?

It is necessary to increase the child’s self-esteem, praise him, support him in all his endeavors, then everything will certainly work out and your child will be able to overcome embarrassment and become more confident in life.

Shyness in adulthood - how to re-educate yourself?

If shyness accompanies and adult life, then here we need to consider the previous sources and begin to eliminate the reasons for the appearance of such a condition. What to do in this case - how to overcome embarrassment:

• in order to stop blushing and being shy when meeting strangers, you need to expand your social circle, take initiative, and figure out why you feel so awkward in a given situation;
• if modesty is associated with dissatisfaction with one’s appearance, then you need to correct it, if possible, or reconcile yourself and reconsider your views on this “problem” (tall/short stature, large/small ears, eyes, mouth, etc.), try to find this is the highlight and do not be ashamed of yourself in the reflection of the mirror;
• become a professional in your field, stop noticing failures, focus more on positive events, encourage yourself for taking new steps towards getting rid of shyness and uncertainty;
• You can overcome embarrassment and awkwardness with humor, exciting stories, interesting facts, stop sitting on the sidelines and watching what is happening, now you too can surprise the audience;
• If during your attempts to communicate a person interrupts speech, does not know how to listen, does not perceive other people’s opinions, then you should not attribute this to your own failure, look for new acquaintances, common interests, and do not transfer all failures to your own account.

To stop being shy and become more sociable, you need to train your confidence, learn to clearly greet acquaintances and strangers, start a casual conversation, when buying something, it is important to be interested in the opinion of the seller, ask questions, and be active. Thus, you can easily remove shyness and embarrassment, become more confident and sociable.

Many girls try to be in the shadow of their more successful and bright friends because of embarrassment and timidity, and men do not dare to take the first step towards the woman they like if his friends have already tried, but nothing worked. The important thing here is to believe in yourself and your inner strength, show individuality, and not get lost behind the screen of more confident people.

In order not to blush from embarrassment, you need to create favorable atmosphere“both inside and outside”, remove complexes and stereotypes that prevent you from taking the first step towards a long-awaited dream.

Confidence and getting rid of embarrassment is a significant step towards a happy future, a means to achieve a goal, an indicator vitality person. To stop being shy, you can ask the Lord for strength and support, and sincerely pray with a request to find inner lightness and freedom.

How to become more sociable?

If you don’t remove embarrassment, it will be difficult to show your communication skills. A blushing person feels awkward in an unfamiliar environment, and even in a circle with family and friends may experience discomfort.

Such a problem as shyness must be solved with early age, it is important to stop being embarrassed and spend more time on your self-development and knowledge of the world. And for this it is important to adhere to the following postulates, which will help you be less shy and more active:

• a healthy body (in good shape) – a healthy mind;
• rich vocabulary;
• beautiful speech;
• correct facial expressions;
• eye contact;
• respect for the opponent;
• positive smile;
• ability to listen and hear.

You need to learn to be interesting, overcome embarrassment, be eloquent and witty, surprise and amuse the audience. The main thing is not to overdo it, it is important to become a pleasant and patient interlocutor.

How to start a conversation?

To stop blushing and feeling awkward, you can first start a conversation about nothing, and then talk about more serious topics. The weather can be an excuse, as a transition to something interesting and exciting.

“It’s raining today, so I couldn’t go to the cinema where they showed my favorite film.” And then you can ask which one, why the interlocutor liked it, maybe agree on a subsequent joint trip to watch this film, etc.

If you are surprised by your companion’s jewelry, hairstyle, or clothes, then don’t keep it to yourself, give a compliment, give him a smile, and the conversation will certainly become pleasant and friendly, and the embarrassment “will go away.”

At first, when communicating with a stranger, you should not touch on topics of your personal life; let the person meet you halfway. In the meantime, you can talk about sports, hobbies, pets, music, etc.

To become more sociable and get rid of embarrassment, it is useful to visit various events, go on a visit, invite friends and acquaintances to your place, spend more time outside the home, and in the company of those people with whom you feel cozy and comfortable in any weather.

The connection between sociability and personal relationships

Many people cannot find a partner only because they are very shy, blush and timid when communicating with the opposite sex. And therefore they are not able to taste all the joys of life, create a family, give birth to children, and so on.

That is why it is so important to seriously think about this issue, how to get rid of embarrassment and timidity, how to adapt to society in order to build a successful career, find your other half, and raise your offspring correctly.

Those who have overcome the fear of society will become much happier, so you need to increase self-confidence, eliminate embarrassment, believe in your strength, thank the Lord for every day you live and personal achievements.

If you don’t take your shyness as a cross for life, you can easily cope with it. And for this you need to work on yourself, learn new things, rewarding yourself for positive results.

Affirmations on the way to getting rid of embarrassment

You can overcome embarrassment with affirmations - positive statements in the present tense that will help you become what you want. To stop being shy and become more sociable, you need to say several times a day, looking in the mirror:

1. I am confident and sociable, ready to make new acquaintances and communicate with people.
2. I love my appearance (eyes, lips, ears, arms, legs, height, weight...).
3. I like my voice, I like to communicate and express my views on what is happening.
4. I accept myself as I am and thank the Lord for my character and temperament.
5. I got rid of embarrassment and became more sociable. And there was no trace of shyness left.

You can choose one phrase and say it as often as possible in order to get rid of negative formed beliefs. Now you know how to stop being ashamed of your appearance and overcome obstacles on the way to achieving inner freedom and happiness.

Stop blushing and reproaching yourself for your lack of will and determination. Psychology insists that only we ourselves are capable of changing ourselves, the main thing is to remove the signs of pessimism, embarrassment and fear, it is important to curb our inner strength and take a bold step into the future.

Embarrassment is not a vice - but a reminder that we are all individual and ready to change, on the way to the new and unknown!

In this article we will talk about modesty, which spoils moments of intimacy with a man. So, the problem is “I’m shy during the process” and how to stop being shy with a man in bed.

After all, there are prudes who are cute and sexy, and there are prudes who behave like a gray mouse, even in bed.

Among hundreds of options, a man will choose not an overly modest and not overly liberated girl, but a normal girl.

But everything is relative: what if he were asked to choose between two extremes - a very modest girl and a very cheeky one - what would happen?

And this is where it really starts interesting thing: Most men would really prefer more modest girls, but with the caveat that this modesty should not exist in bed. Because modest, uptight, inept behavior during intimacy on the part of the girl spoils the pleasure for both.

At the same time, do not forget that there is a certain percentage of men (due to their temperament or psychological reasons and problems), who, on the contrary, like both virgins and modest behavior in bed. But, as always, we will talk about the majority.

By the way, overly modest behavior in bed very often gives rise to the mistake that we have already talked about: .

A squeezed girl who is shy in bed is:

• a girl who is embarrassed about her body. She does not agree to have sex in the light, and if she agrees, it is under the covers or asks the man not to look at her.

• a girl who constantly belittles herself. She constantly complains that she looks bad and in response to compliments she denies her attractiveness and points out her shortcomings.

• a girl who, due to fear or embarrassment, not only does not know how to treat a man’s body, but is also embarrassed to ask a man what he likes. And even more so he is embarrassed to change anything in his behavior.

How to stop being shy in bed?

How not to be shy during intimacy? You'll have to work on yourself a little. Some with their heads, others with their bodies. To someone - both. We work in 4 areas:

1. Stop pointing out our shortcomings

First you need to understand something. Never, NEVER point out your shortcomings to a man. Some girls know how to do this very competently and appropriately, but the vast majority of girls only achieve that the man begins to really pay attention to these shortcomings, and the girl gradually loses attractiveness points in men’s eyes.

If a girl constantly, over and over again, belittles herself and her attractiveness, the man will begin to think that he must have made a mistake and that in fact the girl is not as good as he thought.

Confidence in yourself and your body (even if this confidence is inflated) is better than derogatory conversations addressed to you and pitiful eyes.

And the purpose of this event is not only so that a man does not one day begin to look at you with different eyes, but also that by saying such things out loud during intimacy, you strengthen an unhealthy habit and, as it were, “anchor”, firmly tie the bed in your head and your shortcomings. Do not do it this way.

And one more important tip: learn to trust your man . If he says that you are beautiful, accept it as an immutable truth. If he says that you have a great figure, then you do. If he says that he likes the way you do something, just believe it and try to enjoy the fact that you are making a man feel good.

2. Increase self-confidence through real actions

Now for the most common root of the problem of tightness in bed: dissatisfaction with one's appearance. Girls, you need to work on your appearance if it doesn’t suit you.

I’m not a fan of advice like “love your body, no matter what it looks like!” Having listened to such advice, girls painfully try to make a revolution in their heads and fall in love with their jelly-like forms and folds of fat. Seriously? Does anyone seriously think that this is the way out?

No. This is an unhealthy path because it creates a kind of cognitive dissonance in the head: the girl simultaneously hates her fat, envying slim girls, and at the same time tries to love it. Such things are harmful to the psyche.

A healthy way that will truly bring results and self-confidence is to exercise and reconsider your diet or even lifestyle.

And so in everything: if you don’t like fat - get rid of it, if you don’t like yellow teeth - take care of them, if you don’t like acne on your face - find the reason and get rid of it.

Yes, for this you need to work on yourself, and sometimes also spend money. But the goal is worth it.

Isn’t it better to be confident in yourself because you really look good, and not because you’ve been telling yourself, “I like my body, I love my body...” a hundred nights in a row, fifty times in a row?

But this is about fat, acne, yellow teeth, the smell of sweat and excess hair.

If you are worried about your characteristics, which you yourself have dubbed as shortcomings (“breasts are not big enough,” “legs are not long enough,” “the nose is somehow unerotic” ...) - return to the advice “ trust your man ". If he says he likes it, then he likes it. All. We drive the resisting cockroaches out of our heads.

3. Learning what we don’t know how to do

Many girls are shy in bed for the simple reason that they don’t know what to do with a man’s body. It’s so... different, strange...

Girls. Once upon a time you didn't know how to cook. And the ability to cook did not just come to your mind. You studied. At first, most likely, it didn’t work out very well, but then it was finger-licking good.

And whatever you take from ordinary life skills, you learned it. So, competent (crazy) behavior in bed can also be learned. And this NEEDS to be learned, because such a skill in itself comes to few people’s heads.

There may be a misconception in your head that all the girls in the world can do this, but you alone cannot. But this is not true at all) You would know how many men complain about the tightness of their girls... You would know how many betrayals occur for the simple reason that in bed everything is too lean, awkward, inept, that there is no pleasure...

And here it is important to understand one thing simple thing. Self-confidence in a situation is not something that is either given or not given to a person. Self-confidence is easy understanding that you are coping well with a certain situation .

And this understanding (read confidence) comes when you have very successful experience in a certain situation. So it is with the “bed situation”: if you see once that you are able to give a man real pleasure without crookedness, and the second time you see the same thing, then confidence in yourself and in the correctness of your actions will INEVITABLY come.

How do you know what is right?

“How can I understand what actions are correct, I don’t know anything and I can’t do it?” - you ask. And there are two ways to understand which actions are exactly correct.

1. The first way is the path of personal experiments (long) - this is when you yourself gradually begin to invent something and do something that you haven’t done before, constantly asking the man feedback.
2. Second way - the path of learning from those who know what is right (fast and most effective) - this is when you undergo training and gradually integrate into your intimate life new knowledge and skills.

Therefore, as for not knowing how to behave with a man in bed and what generally needs to be done, everything is simple here: you need, firstly, to read books / watch relevant films / undergo concentrated training, and secondly, transfer the knowledge into your bed, while asking the man if he likes it.

There is nothing wrong with this, the man will be happy to give you feedback. And he will want to give you even more pleasure for these efforts)

Start small, and your experience and skills in bed will grow like a snowball) And after just a few completely successful (non-disappointing) times, you will see how much happier your man has become, how much more you enjoy the process and how much more incomparably self-confident you are become.

Knowledge of this kind will not fall into your head on its own. How many books have you studied on this topic? None? And there are hundreds and hundreds of them, just for getting rid of tightness and developing the ability to enjoy yourself and your man. Just select that one, whatever seems interesting, and start exploring - on your own or with a partner!

During my marriage, I took as many as three courses on intimate interactions and read several books. Well, if you can call it “read”, there are more pictures))

The first time is kind of awkward, yes, but then you get really into it, and you’re already looking forward to trying out new tricks (although after each training you think, “Well, now I know everything!”)

Well, as you understand, we now have absolute zero uncertainty and embarrassment in bed. Although at first it was, of course, present on my part. Therefore, don’t reinvent the wheel, learn from those who already know how, practice, and the embarrassment will quickly go away.

And if you understand that you experience embarrassment not only in bed and you basically don’t feel sexy, start with a master class “How to awaken the luxurious woman within you”.

4. Solving psychological problems

It should be added that sometimes embarrassment in bed is not due to self-doubt, but due to deep-seated fear and other psychological problems, coming due to negative experiences in the past. Moreover, although not the majority, a significant percentage of girls have such problems.

Unfortunately, these problems cannot be solved with one article. But you need to solve them, otherwise you will suffer all your life. And decide with a competent professional.

Therefore, if you feel that you are not ashamed of your body, and you seem to know how to do everything, but some kind of abomination in your head does not allow you to relax and you still have this feeling “I am shy during intimacy” - seek the help of a good psychologist.

Having spoken and worked through that blackness from the past that does not allow you to feel safe and turn off your head, you will become much happier and learn to enjoy not only in bed, but in life in general.

If you haven’t had any harsh behavior in the past (no one molested you, your parents gave good example...), and your lack of self-confidence comes from a banal teenage past (you weren’t a popular girl, boys didn’t pay attention, someone laughed...), then you can do without psychologists.

You have the right to be anyone and as you are, and shyness is not a disadvantage. But sometimes it gets in the way. Usually the question of how to stop being withdrawn and shy is asked by people whose work involves constant communication, and it doesn’t matter who the person works as: a salesperson, a teacher or a lecturer. It’s just that this character trait is the least needed here, and sometimes it just gets in the way. Another question, how to stop being shy, is asked by young boys and girls who want full communication with the opposite sex. Here, too, closeness is not very necessary, because it makes a person uninteresting. But before we start fighting an unnecessary trait, let’s understand the concepts.

Are you shy or reserved?

These are two different traits, but they are often combined in one person. Reticence or introversion is the same norm as friendliness and extroversion, you just are self-sufficient and feel more comfortable alone or in a small company, rather than in a large group or large party. But the person is shy and would be happy to communicate with big amount people and make contact, but they are prevented by a feeling of anxiety due to communication. But a self-sufficient person may not experience this anxiety. That's all the difference. And the first thing you need to do in order to overcome shyness is to understand that whatever you are, this is normal and there is nothing wrong. It is best to accept yourself as you are and understand how to improve it all. Where to start this “upgrade”? From introspection.

Introspection and self-esteem

Shy and insecure people are such because of an exaggerated sense of awkwardness and shame. Therefore, it seems to them that others judge them as seriously and harshly as they do themselves. There is a bit of egocentrism in this: it seems to us that they pay so much attention to our person that they notice every mistake or ridiculous act. But if this is observed anywhere, it is only in teenage groups. In most cases, only we ourselves pay attention to our absurdity, and people are very passionate about themselves and their absurdity.

This is why judging yourself for what you think is a stupid word or action is counterproductive. But if you analyze your actions and look for mechanisms to make them less funny, that’s a different matter. If you simply condemn yourself for not remembering the name of the person introduced to you, it is pointless, but if at the same time you are looking for a way to remember names, this is already a step towards overcoming complexes.

Don't think that people are watching your every move.

No, if you find yourself in a group of paranoids, then this is real, but entire communities of such people are rare. You don't watch every breath and gesture of everyone present at a party or at work, do you? You are more busy with what interests you and those around you are doing the same. Therefore, if a colleague does not say hello to you, this does not mean that she is angry with you - perhaps she had a difficult morning. And if somewhere people giggled, then it was not at you, but at the joke.

Declare war on self-criticism. It is needed, yes, but in reasonable doses. And sometimes it needs to be turned off altogether. When you scroll through all your comments during a recent conversation or wonder if you offended a casual acquaintance, it drives you further into your shell. But everyone, even communication geniuses, makes mistakes and has the right to make them. Which means you, even more so! Just don't focus on the negativity you had when interacting with people today. It's better to keep track of the good and what you got right!

Find what makes you unique!

This is necessary to develop self-confidence.

• Just write whole list what you are proud of and admire about yourself. We often downplay our talents and capabilities, but we need to appreciate them. Believe me, millions of people do not have the same achievements that you have. And this is already a reason to create a list of all your talents and qualities, even the most insignificant ones. And be sure to be proud of it!

Visualize your own success!

This refers to success in society or at a party. Imagine yourself shining. And also think through the steps that will be needed for this brilliance: come up with topics, remember jokes that are appropriate in this company...

Develop self-confidence!

• First of all, you need to develop your skills. This will raise your price, which means that shyness will fade into the background. And this is a reason to take classes on something that interests you. There you will probably find like-minded people with whom it will be easier to communicate.
• Get out of your comfort zone. There is no need to jump with a parachute or run down the street naked. Look for where there is a comfort zone in everyday activities and leave it, looking for something new and unusual in familiar things. At least just go to work or home different roads every day.
• Goals should be simple. You won’t immediately become more sociable, but you can set yourself a simple goal, for example, meet two girls in a day or chat with two people at a party. It's easier. You can also meet people who are just as shy and reserved as you: they are probably very interesting people.
• Don't be afraid of mistakes. It may be repeated, but even communication geniuses and psychologists the highest level they are committed. You are all the more allowed. Even if the person you would like to meet ignores you, the contact still takes place.

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Become friendly!

• Position yourself as an open person: smile, nod your head, mirror the person, be interested in the narrator and the story...And don’t be afraid to ask more open questions. That is, not those to which you can answer no or yes... “Where did you buy such a beautiful suit?”, “Where is the best pastry in this city?”, “Who is your favorite writer?” It all fits.
• Don't be afraid to talk about yourself. You can share your experience, for example. It’s better to do this when several people have already shared their opinions, experiences or stories. But constantly talking only about yourself is not very good.
• Invite people! To your home, for coffee, to the cinema, organize meetings on interests... even if people refuse, you will be perceived as a friendly and open person. It is important here not to be afraid of being rejected and to be prepared for the fact that you will also be invited. Don’t refuse, because you will need any communication.
• Focus on the moment. Concentrate on the conversation, on the facial expressions of the participants, on who else has joined the conversation. Just have fun and don’t think about what you said five minutes ago that was ridiculous.
• Read people. This will help you overcome your shyness and isolation. No, you don’t need to look closely at every gesture, but you can learn to understand the mood of your interlocutor. Just like in the general mood of the group: what jokes are understandable here, are these people ready to accept strangers. You can also pay attention to the behavior of each person: if he is relaxed and just walking, it means he is inclined to communicate, and if he is nervous, then it is better not to approach at all.
• Find “your” social circle. It is not necessary, and it will not be possible, to be friends with everyone, but if you want to find “your” people, you need to experiment and go to different companies. Surely “your” people exist somewhere...
• Accept your isolation. You won't become completely different even if you try. That’s why you can’t be the life of the party, but you can just be yourself and you will be appreciated. Being yourself is the most original and most interesting thing.
• "Recharge!" If you are an introvert, you need solitude more than companies and interest clubs. Just don't go against your nature and seek strength alone. Even the most sociable and open people, By the way.