I don't want to get married! Why?
Hello, dear readers of the blog site! Recently I came across an article about a single woman. She was satisfied and completely happy, because she didn’t have to worry about anyone, she didn’t have to rush home after work. All free time you can devote only to yourself, your beloved.
And everything would be fine, I almost believed her, but only a slight touch of sadness constantly slipped through her words. Therefore, I decided to think a little about this topic with you.
Why do women become lonely? It is unlikely that they dreamed of this since childhood.
So what happens?
It all starts very optimistically. Most girls dream of getting married, having strong family and children, who bring a lot of worries, but give us more more joy. They quickly get married and begin to build their own family.
Some women continue to lead a lonely lifestyle without having settled their personal lives.
It happens that a girl falls in love, but the guy does not reciprocate her feelings. Tears and worries begin, which can even lead to depression and disappointment.
Or she was never able to meet her soul mate, but still continues to search. Fortunately, she often manages to do this, because nothing is impossible.
If you really want to get something, then you will definitely do it. You can meet your love completely by accident simply because you dream and expect it every day.
But some girls are so reluctant to get married that they say: “It’s good for me to live alone!”
The most interesting thing is that they do not feel jealous when their friends get married. And they don’t even want to take a walk on their own wedding. After 30 years, such a girl becomes an “inveterate bachelor,” which she is even proud of.
Think for yourself, she thinks exclusively about herself, she doesn’t need to worry about anyone. Well, about the cat, at least.
She can continue to have fun as she wants. Not life, but a complete holiday! And such women in Lately is getting bigger. Why?
Recently, studies have been conducted in Russia related to this interesting topic: For what reason do girls not want to get married and even prefer to raise their child without a father?
It turned out that now women have begun to earn good money, and they can provide for themselves. And they are not going to have a man in the house whose salary is less than his wife’s.
You have to take care of your husband, constantly cook food, run the house, and this is very difficult to do if you are very tired at work. Moreover, not many husbands want to help and raise children in the absence of their wife if she returns late. Because she has to stay late at her workplace to get everything done.
If conflicts begin in the family, then the wife does not want to endure all this and breaks up with her man without regret, preferring to look for easier ways for herself. The times of meek and unrequited wives are long gone, which men probably bitterly regret.
This is one of the reasons why a woman may be left alone. But she is not alone, because she has a child, small miracle, whom you can love with all your heart.
But what about the girl I started talking about at the very beginning? She never got married because she believed that it was simply not necessary for her. She doesn’t have a child, because she doesn’t need unnecessary worries at all. She comes to visit her friends who have husbands and children, spends time with them, and then returns to her home.
To an empty apartment, where there are many flowers, and a male creature is lazily lounging on the sofa: a tabby cat. This cat could be a different color, it doesn't matter. The main thing is that he is unresponsive and brings the owner a feeling of peace and even laziness when he quietly purrs on her lap.
If you ask women who live alone to fill out a questionnaire and honestly answer the question of whether they are satisfied with their lifestyle, the answers will be exactly the opposite.
Because some will lie, while others will answer honestly.
How many of them do you think will say that they are not happy with their bachelor status and even suffer? He will be either phlegmatic or melancholic. If you don’t yet know how character influences a person’s life, be sure to read it.
The point is that all people have different types character. Their temperament is a kind of program that every person receives at birth. The type of temperament cannot be changed unless it is corrected.
For example, if you are choleric, but you have the traits of a phlegmatic person, then you should try to remember that people close to you want to receive care from you, and not endless orders about what to do and how exactly.
Read the article “All four temperaments in one person” and you will understand what I am talking about.
If a woman is phlegmatic, then she simply needs to help someone, that’s what she lives for. Without a family it will be very, very difficult for her. Therefore, she is unlikely to be left alone and will definitely look for her soulmate.
Is this good or bad?
Depends on what point of view you look at it from. Close people always suffer from such an attitude towards them, but a sanguine person will still not notice this, because he himself does not experience such feelings and does not understand them at all.
This is the kind of woman who doesn’t want to get married, because she simply doesn’t need it. Imagine, instead of taking care of herself, she will have to do a lot of things that she hates! For example, cooking.
Thinking about others, worrying - this is impossible for her. The whole world of a sanguine person is exclusively own world, which is difficult to fit anyone else into. And why do this?! After all, it’s a good life to live!!!
The qualities that are inherent in other people (phlegmatic people, melancholic people and even choleric people) are practically absent in someone who has this character.
As an example, I can cite my distant relative. She grew up in a family where she was pampered, she had no responsibilities, and she was allowed to do whatever she wanted. This woman did not seek to get married, she then began to live alone and constantly had fun. Sometimes her friends asked her Silly questions: “Why don’t you want to get married?”
She was always sincerely surprised at this and answered like this: “Why do I need this? And so good!”
After 30 years, she accidentally met a man who had Small child. His mother died tragically, so only his father was involved in raising the baby. After some time, conversations began about marriage, but this woman suggested living together for a while, just in case.
When she moved to new family, then the child somehow immediately became very attached to her and even started calling her mom. This is understandable, because he was very lonely.
But the idyll did not last long. The new responsibilities and worries that suddenly fell on this woman turned out to be too much for her. She couldn’t stand it even for a month and simply shamefully fled to her small and empty apartment.
I will add that she no longer wanted to see the baby, just like his father.
She spent the rest of her life focusing solely on herself, and no longer made any attempts to build a family. She had almost none of her friends left, because when they met, she only talked about herself, and everyone was tired of that a long time ago.
Therefore, loneliness for such a woman is probably the only way out.
What do women desire?
Women want everything to be the way they want it!
By the way, women, when for some reason they are left alone, find a lot positive aspects such a life. For example, you can not make your bed and lie on it in the evenings and all weekends. You can also not comb your hair and wear an old robe.
It is not recommended for a married lady to do this, because the man will begin to be horrified and may run away from such a sight. After all, men love with their eyes, they have a different logic.
When you are alone, you don’t have to cook, but rather collect different pieces in the refrigerator. And walk around the apartment without sucking in your stomach!!! A compelling argument for living alone, right?
If you have such a friend, you may notice, if you are an observant person, that she begins to “sink,” as it were. She doesn’t need to be in constant tension, she doesn’t need to think about anyone, and this relaxes everything to a certain extent.
The brain somehow begins to think less well, and a slow but constant “sliding downward” begins.
Loneliness that you don't expect can come with time.
Sometimes a woman who thinks only about herself, her beloved, begins to deteriorate in character with age. In this case, with her behavior, she seems to push people away from herself. And in the end she is left alone, because adult children are unlikely to want to live next to her, and her husband is also tired of her constant nagging and irritated tone.
There are no emotional relationships left at all, and instead of family, fears settle with her. And these are not the friends you want to invite over.
And then it begins new period life, not the best.
A woman who loves only herself will never know what real happiness is. But she probably doesn’t need this, because her whole life is focused only on herself.
There is such a thing as barren flower. Beauty that will never bear fruit and cannot give life to a new person. And she is also not destined to give love to another person.
You may not agree with my opinion, because you have a completely different view of the world and everything that surrounds you. Or maybe you also say: “ I don’t want to get married!” And loneliness much more pleasant for you than endless worries and problems.
August 22, 2015, at 1:23 pmFor some reason, a stereotype has developed that the most important goal in a girl’s life is a successful marriage, the birth of children and their upbringing. And many girls really dream about a wedding, about children, play at being daughters and mothers, and so on. But then it happens that the girl not only does not dream of starting a family - she is categorically against it. Someone accepts their daughter this way, but someone begins to insist and put pressure, which inevitably leads either to conflict or to the fact that the girl marries almost the first person she meets, because “that’s how it should be.”
Just two or three centuries ago, marriage for a girl was main goal in life, and a hundred years ago the first percentage of ladies appeared who did not wear wedding dress both before and after thirty years. This girl called " old maid“, they are considered inferior, because if no one gets married, it means there is a serious reason.
Why are some girls so reluctant to get married and start a family?
For some reason, the first thing that appears is a kind of successful career woman who puts her work first. For her, marriage and family are just something that can distract her from her career. After all, a husband, children, and household responsibilities require a lot of time, effort and attention, but where will they come from if, first of all, you need to realize your ambitions?
True, not all such careerists reject marriage. There are those who put it off for longer late date, they say, I’ll build a career for myself, and then I’ll find someone. And some people simply don’t have time for relationships - work takes up everything.
Of course, we must not forget about those girls who have already been married and gained sad experiences. For them, marriage is no longer a bright image happy life, and certain pros and cons, or even no pros, only disadvantages, limited freedom, broken relationships, and so on. It is quite understandable that such a girl or woman will treat men with caution or even apprehension, and will treat marriage somewhat negatively.
Girls from not really happy family. If in childhood a girl often watched quarrels and scandals between her parents, heard unpleasant words from them, and then also received a dose of “useful knowledge” about men from her offended and insulted mother, then the opinion formed in her head that family is bad that these are only tears and disappointment. Here it is impossible not to give advice to mothers from such a family: do not instill in your daughter that “all men are assholes.” There are wives who are no better. And your daughter must build her life and relationships herself. Just because you're unlucky doesn't mean your daughter won't be lucky either.
Girls who don't want children or simply don't want to lose their freedom. In general, people who, for one reason or another, are not eager to have offspring are called “childfree.” In the last few years there have been more and more of them. Of course, a girl can love children, but at the same time she does not want to become a “slave of the family,” because marriage comes with certain responsibilities that one does not want to face.
Be that as it may, a girl who does not strive for marriage is not an inferior “old maid,” but the same person who will achieve success, if not in the family, then in some other area of life.
By a certain age, every girl has few unmarried friends around her..
Yes, perhaps some of them really can’t find a guy because various reasons, mainly related to complexes and the consequences of unhappy love (not to mention finding a guy to marry).
But among the girls there are also those who really don’t want to get married, which causes bewilderment and mistrust both potential candidates, and the entire environment.
On the one hand, the topic seems banal and irrelevant: they don’t want it, so what they want.
But on the other hand, there are reasons for this, and these are not just some whims of a spoiled lady. It would be interesting to look a little deeper behind the veil of this mysterious and very interesting phenomenon.
So, let's begin.
I will try to be as objective as possible and remember everything I know about this.
1) They've already moved on.
Yes exactly. There are girls, most of them, who before the age of 25 just want to get married. This is understandable for a number of reasons. This is exactly the age at which many people get married, give birth to their first child, and start their first job after graduating from higher education. educational institution. Let's just say this is a period in the development and formation of personality.
The most interesting thing is that many of those who start a family during this period do not think at all about why they are doing it, whether they really want it. Awareness of the truth of the motives comes later, and many (both men and women) admit that then they wanted to get married or get married because they wanted to, or the time had come. After some time has passed, they realize that it was entirely possible to do this later or even build their life in a different scenario.
And those girls whose level of awareness at this age is slightly higher than the statistical average, if not clearly, then at least intuitively, “slow down” in this topic. And then, when “kind” people ask the same question every day, they, if not directly, then at least internally admit that they no longer want to get married.
More precisely, Just I don't want to get married, I want to for his person, but there is no such person nearby.
2) They are self-sufficient.
This is true, because self-sufficient women can easily live on their own, and in order to “drag” them into the registry office, you need to try hard, and sometimes even pass 33 more tests, if not more. Here it is important for a man not to give up if he really cares about this woman.
After all, every self-sufficient woman has that part that needs care, warmth and a cozy home. She doesn’t have to move mountains on her way if she knows that her man can handle it much better.
But this does not mean that such a woman can be put in a cage, even if she is golden, and she will run the household. It is important that she engages in some activity outside of home and children, and one that brings her pleasure. Therefore, respect and support what she is doing, then she will be able to relax and not try to move mountains and your neck every time, but will be able to trust you and be there for you.
3) It’s already good for them; marriage must be a super-blessing in order to want it.
True, this is true when a person lives completely harmoniously and happily, knows what he wants, and goes towards it. Looking around, they also notice how few are those who are truly happy in marriage; those who have understanding and trust with their partner; those who sincerely enjoy family life. And thus they rejoice even more that they are here and not there.
Many people feel like they are waiting fairy prince, people sincerely do not understand what the concept of “the one” means, and believe that this is just a ridiculous excuse. But they are really looking for the same thing, and do not want to settle for less.
4) They can feel themselves on their own, and not through someone.
What I am saying here is that many people judge themselves through someone or something. And it turns out that if a person has beautiful wife, a successful husband, smart and talented children, then he deserves respect from others. But if you (metaphorically) take all this away from them, they don't know "Who am I?" themselves and what they will do with themselves.
Others, and there are not many of them, working on themselves and developing personally, found within themselves the resources, strengths and opportunities for their own realization, regardless of social and marital status. Such people may even refuse to be with the person they love, because you cannot build a relationship on love alone, because relationships themselves need development.
They are separate individuals, but thereby they become too noticeable to others, and they again try to equalize them. Although in reality there is a lot of fear, envy and inability to recognize and accept the opportunity to live differently. In reality, it attracts and fascinates, it is interesting and exciting to work with them.
5) They just didn’t want to yet.
They may be offered marriage, but they do not agree, which causes a lot of anger and irritation among fans and those around them. These are not just whims, they really don’t want to marry this person, this kind of man. Yes, they want something special, a real one, their own person. This is not a whim, not a fantasy, because as soon as that one is nearby, they will completely forget that they thought differently. After all, it's about the person, and not about the stamp in the passport.
So I want to say that You shouldn't put stamps on people. Each person is unique in himself. He doesn't have to live up to your expectations, and don't blame him for being sincere and real if you can't afford it yourself.
If a girl is looking for a special man, she has the right to do so, do not throw stones at her, but take a closer look and admit what attracts you to her. Perhaps this is the same freedom to be yourself!
I am 29 years old, my girlfriend is 26. We have been dating for three years. A month ago I proposed marriage to her, but she refused me, explaining that she did not want to get married yet. I didn't expect such an answer.
We talked, it turned out that my proposal was too unexpected for her and she needed time to think. A month passed and she still didn’t give me an answer. Recently I returned to this conversation, to which I heard: “I love you, but first I want to become successful, build a career and be free a little longer.”
I can’t understand how a husband can interfere with his development and career? And I don't know what to do. The more she thinks about my proposal, the more I begin to doubt her love.
Olga Son, psychologist:
– There are several reasons why a girl may refuse marriage:
- The girl does not consider the guy as a potential spouse. Perhaps she cannot rely on him or feels a potential threat to her peace of mind with him in everyday life (he is hot-tempered, demanding, aggressive). She may also doubt that he will live up to her expectations. But the girl doesn’t leave this guy because she feels comfortable with him.
- The girl wants to build a career. To be successful as a person, to not depend on anyone and to have the opportunity to leave at any time. And marriage in this case can interfere, since the girl will have to devote part of her time to housekeeping and not to work. The girl is convinced that family life"eats" a woman. But if a man can hire a cook or a cleaner, then the problem will disappear.
- Children. The girl is convinced that marriage means having children. But she doesn’t want to become a mother yet.
In the situation that we are directly considering, the girl outlined her personal boundaries and made it clear to her partner that her career is now primary for her and she is not ready for marriage. In my opinion, if a couple cannot openly find out the presence or absence of love, this indicates that there is no trust between the partners.
Now a man should check the relationship for sincerity or continue to waste time on unreasonable expectations if this suits him.
Maria Weiss, sexologist:
– There is a belief that all girls want is to get married as soon as possible. These exist, but every year there are more and more girls who are in no hurry to go to the registry office.
There are several reasons for this:
- Fear of adulthood. The girl is young and, perhaps, she wants to have fun and enjoy life, and not “cook borscht.” Not all couples are able to share household responsibilities and agree on housekeeping. Therefore, the girl is afraid that after marriage the whole life will fall on her shoulders.
- Unwillingness to part with freedom. Nowadays women are more independent and self-reliant. For many, the chance to get financial well-being It’s not just about getting married successfully. They are looking for like-minded people, not sponsors.
- Doesn't see a future together. A girl can love a man, but if she feels that she will not be happy with him and, most likely, she will not be able to make him happy either. The most important thing is that she admits it.
- Doubts. Perhaps, as soon as the man proposed to the girl, she doubted whether she was ready to spend her whole life next to this man. A man needs to be patient and help the girl deal with her internal conflict.
- Fear that the relationship will deteriorate after the wedding. Perhaps the girl observed something similar in the relationships of her parents or friends. If a man can calm her down, muffle her anxiety, then most likely everything will work out.
If a girl unexpectedly refuses to get married, listen to each other to understand and find out real reasons refusal.
This happens quite often: a guy and a girl have been dating for a long time, but they don’t intend to start a family, and they don’t plan to have children. And if many people think that mainly only men are afraid of marriage, then this is a big misconception. Nowadays, a situation often occurs when a girl does not want to get married.
Despite the fact that a girl may have a lot in common with a young man, have the same interests and hobbies, nevertheless the proposal: “Will you marry me?” may frighten her too much and take her aback.
Not every successful woman ready to be a wife and mother. Many of them see other prospects ahead of them, which are more related to career and business. Perhaps they are quite happy with their previous lifestyle.
And if a young couple has been living together for a long time, as is the case now, then why get married, because everything is fine without a stamp in the passport. Some girls are afraid of domestic slavery and do not want to burden themselves with children.
But a family develops only when it creates strong relationships and there are children. And if a woman does not want to get married, much less have children, then people will definitely judge her, call her an inferior woman, or even treat her with sympathy. Whether their judgment is correct remains to be seen.
Whether a person wants to start a family or not is everyone’s business, which does not depend at all on his gender, age and financial situation. It’s just that the girl who wants to get married sees herself perfectly as a wife and future mother.
But this desire may not exist. Which means, for some reason, there are girls who don’t need this at all. They are not ready for the voluntary responsibility that starting a family implies.
The desire to get married is not always somehow connected with the role of wife and mother. It’s just that age has its limits. And when a woman is already over 30, it’s not only time for her to get married, but also to have children.
During this period, the woman understands that she does not want to remain an old maid and a “black sheep,” and she is ready to marry anyone who will marry her. Especially if her parents dream of grandchildren and constantly remind her of her age.
Why are many women so afraid of marriage and perceive family life as slavery?
Perhaps this is due to the experience of the parents. Often the example of parents is far from ideal, and young girl she already knows in advance that she doesn’t want to get married. After all, she will have to work hard and take care of her husband and children, completely forgetting about herself. The role of a wife is seen by many as an unbearable burden. You should not think that the experience of parents is inherited by children.
Every woman can become happy in marriage, but only when she is ready to completely change her life for the sake of the man she loves. If you get married against your will only because the time has come and there are no good suitors left, then such a relationship is unlikely to be successful.
Most likely, sooner or later, this union will be overtaken by divorce. Both the guy and the girl should be equally serious about family relationships so that everything is safe in their family. Therefore, it is not at all surprising when a girl does not want to get married, she is already comfortable. After all, this is better than, for example, living under the same roof with an unloved person and deceiving him all his life.
However, everything has its time, circumstances change, new events occur. A girl’s opinion may change from a sharp protest against registering a marriage to a timid “maybe we should try to get married?”, especially if you don’t put pressure on her and give her the opportunity to make her own decision.
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