Real stories about families and family relations. Unfortunately, family is not only a support, but often an additional source of problems, sometimes very serious.
If you also have something to tell about this topic, you can absolutely free right now, and also support other authors who find themselves in similar difficult life situations with your advice.
Many men wonder whether women have regrets and whether they are tormented by remorse? As a woman, I will answer yes.
My first marriage ended only because of my fault. The first husband was wonderful person and I still regret our divorce. Although I have been married for a long time, I have two children, but I terribly regret everything.
My first husband and I had different temperaments. He was a calm quiet man who liked a quiet cozy paradise. And I lacked emotions. As you can imagine, I found them. She met someone else and after several betrayals, she left her husband for her lover. The divorce passed quietly without scandals, the husband did not insult, did not blame, did not humiliate, he calmly let go and wished him happiness.
At the age of 20, still a green boy, after the army he met her future wife. I fell in love immediately, I realized that she was the one. He achieved her attention, achieved reciprocity, achieved her.
Family life began like a fairy tale - love, understanding and awe. My daughter, the sun, was born and my happiness only increased. We lived happily and enjoyed every day. Our beloved son was born, our happiness and sorrow, he was born weak, sickly and bedridden. Life changed, no, we still loved each other, but life became more difficult. Every day it is a struggle for the life of my son, hospitals, clinics, medications and operations. Sometimes my daughter and I didn’t see our wife and son for six months, but we were a family and we managed everything together.
I read a lot of stories on this site and decided to write my own and ask for advice.
I am 42 years old, my wife is 39. As in many stories I have read, I learned about many years of betrayal. Everything is like everyone else - tears, pressure, wife in her legs. By the way, this was a year and a half ago. On this moment All adults have changed dramatically. This may be hard to believe, and I myself don’t quite understand how this can be. The wife became a completely different person. He works without sparing himself and supports his family almost entirely. A woman’s salary is not high, but she doesn’t ask for the rest of my earnings. I can spend it at my discretion. Previously, the family budget consisted of 80 percent of my earnings. He looks after my health and saves on his own. Of course, I had a lot of fun here.
I once had one too. My wife worked in a bar. Somehow I began to notice that before leaving for work, I began to preen myself for a long time. I began to visit the beauty salon more often, change my hairstyle, dye my hair, change my wardrobe and, of course, stay late after work.
I didn’t show it, but I decided to find out if she had taken a lover? I decided not to interfere for now, because she spent the night at home, and there was no point in throwing a tantrum, since the children were teenagers at home and it would be difficult for them to go through all this.
I've been reading stories on this site for a long time, different situations from people, I want to get an outsider’s opinion on my problem.
We have a car in our family, driver's license My husband has it, he drove me and picked me up from work, we live outside the city, buses run 2 times a day, and I wouldn’t have time to get to work on time if I didn’t have my own transport.
In the summer we learned that we would have a new addition to the family, and the question of getting my license became acute. Many people will probably understand me; in our time, the ability to drive a car is a necessity, especially when living outside the city. I passed the theoretical exam the first time, I also had no problems while driving with an instructor, but when the exam begins, it feels like my brain is turning off due to nerves.
My mother was angry with my grandmother all her life because she lived with her stepfather. According to her, her stepfather treated her badly when she was little, called her names and even tried to hit her. He was a front-line soldier.
At the age of 16, her mother left home and began renting a room and got a job in radio. She was taught the craft of a sound engineer; she considered her teacher to be her second mother. She always had a strange relationship with her grandmother. I remember some kind of coldness, resentment, constant tension on her part towards my grandmother. Although my grandmother was cheerful, kind and her house was always full of friends.
We have been living with my wife for 26 years, our son is 24 while he lives with us. I have been a pensioner of the Ministry of Internal Affairs for 14 years, although I am only 49 years old (my wife is 50). About five years ago, an old illness worsened, which is why I had to leave my paid job and work daily as a watchman.
About 15 years ago I accidentally saw a love correspondence with her boss on my wife’s phone. There was a scandal, she convinced me that it was just flirting. Ten years later, already in social media. On the networks I again saw communication with him, I somehow convinced myself that it was nothing serious. After I heard the sound of messages, I looked at her profile, which I duplicated on another phone.
And here is another wedding anniversary. I was on shift, and my wife started having a heated correspondence on the Internet with another man, as I later found out, 10 years younger than her.
For as long as I can remember, I never had everything that my peers had. While my classmates buy expensive branded items, I have been walking around with an old scratched phone for several years, and new clothes or a trip to the hairdresser costs me a couple of days without food.
I am offended by my mother, since she gave birth to me without the possibility of further decent support, at least until adulthood. And if you now say that money in a family is not as important as love, then I dare to assure you that there is no smell of love here.
As the saying goes, “be careful what you wish for.” My elder sister I ruined my own life. While still a student, she met her future husband, the relationship developed rapidly and rapidly, and beautiful wedding and good family life. There was only one “but” that spoiled everything - there were no children. And the further, the more my sister wanted children and went crazy, they didn’t succeed and that’s all. They finally decided to undergo examination at a specialized clinic, the result was that there was almost no chance. We tried to live somehow with it. Her husband let her go, but she stayed and did not leave.
And then at a friend’s birthday she met her ex-boyfriend... and then, as a result, pregnancy. The truth was revealed, she went to the other one. What happens next is just darkness.
Everyone judges according to the extent of their depravity
Story one
The husband, after celebrating something in a restaurant with his friends, put on someone else's jacket, belonging to one of his friends. It’s clear why - he was drunk.
In the morning I woke up and saw someone else’s men’s jacket hanging. The thought in my head: “Wow! Not only does she (the wife) bring the men home, but they also leave their jackets as at home.” By the way, my wife doesn’t bring anyone.
Chasing this thought in his head and at the same time making plans for revenge on both of them, he decided to examine the jacket of his, as he was sure, enemy. In order for revenge to be the most destructive, you need to learn more about your opponent. At that moment he remembered that Napoleon defeated his enemies thanks to good information about their plans and actions, and Waterloo lost because he did not have enough information.
He found a rather large amount of money in his jacket.
“He’s also rich!” - pulsed in his head. Retaining the remnants of self-control, the husband continued to examine the “enemy” jacket, so frivolously left by the enemy on his (the husband’s) territory. The “deceived” husband found the passport. “Yeah! Now I’ll find out everything!” – a victorious grin appeared on his face. The passport was one of the friends with whom he had been drinking the night before.
An experienced mixture of feelings: relief, disappointment, shame that he stole someone else's jacket, and a sense of responsibility that he needed to inform the owner about his (the jacket's) whereabouts - sent him to the kitchen and forced him to drink something strong to restore his peace of mind.
The most interesting thing is that the thought of calling his wife and asking her where the jacket came from did not occur to him during all the time of his research and torment.
Story two
My husband returned from fishing. My wife washed everything in the washing machine and hung it up to dry. In the morning, my husband saw someone else's men's underpants on the dryer. And he threw a scandal at his wife, although he himself brought them home from fishing in a pile of dirty laundry.
Everyone judges according to the extent of their depravity. And by a person’s reaction to some event, you can understand what he would do himself. Ask a person for advice, and from his advice you will understand him.
You can also understand yourself. The way you see others and how you react to their actions says more about yourself than about the other person. For different people the same people look different. Someone may see people as scoundrels and fools, while others will see the same people as smart and noble. If a person does not have enough intelligence, then he will not understand the actions of the sage; rather, he will criticize them. Often, subordinates consider the boss to be stupid, but at the same time, the “smart guys” themselves are not able to create a business.
In the same way, if you think that your loved one is not calling you because he is probably cheating on you with another woman at that moment. This means that this is exactly what you would do yourself.
This also applies to other “chases” in the head. If you tell someone, “You make me nervous! How can you do this and not call me and not keep me informed?!” This means that you are making yourself nervous. You look at the situation and actions of another person through your corrupted properties. You see your own corrupted qualities, not the corrupted person.
Someone not seeing something on familiar place, will say (think): “They stole it!” And someone: “It’s probably somewhere else.”
It’s the same in relationships. By drawing conclusions only based on your experience and evaluating everything through your own properties, you can make a mistake and undeservedly offend a person or destroy a relationship in vain. That's why do not rush to conclusions and evaluate your reactions as a manifestation of your own properties.
Sometimes in order to come to a happy place family life, there is a lot to overcome life difficulties. Yes, this path is thorny, but what a reward lies ahead!
Over the years, we begin to idealize the beginning of a relationship with our spouse, telling our children and grandchildren family legends and showing beautiful pictures in frames. How was it really?
Power of Habit
Olga shares her story: “I came to the capital and entered the university for training courses. There was almost no money, and then Dima, my friend, showed up just in time younger brother, and kindly invited me to stay in his two-room apartment. We lived in perfect harmony for almost a year. He played the guitar and cooked me great scrambled eggs in the morning, while I dusted off his CDs.
Then I entered the university and moved into a dormitory. We continued to communicate with Dima, but not in the same way as before. He had his own life, I had mine. At some point, I realized that I was increasingly catching myself thinking that I missed Dima. According to his scrambled eggs, songs... And one day, out of the blue, he waylaid me after class and suggested: “Maybe you’ll move in with me for good? I miss you so much...” I agreed. When I graduated from university, we got married and are now raising a wonderful son.”
It is believed that habit destroys love. But it also happens the other way around. It’s not for nothing that in the old days marriages were built on the principle “if you endure it, you fall in love”; there is wisdom in this. Today it is not so difficult to fall in love as to find a person with whom you will feel comfortable falling asleep and waking up every day.
Love affair at work
Tamara has her own story: “Igor and I worked in the same company, but we rarely saw each other. On corporate parties he asked me to dance a couple of times, but I didn’t attach any importance to it. Then I was dating a young man - athletic, smart, well dressed, and Igor was not my type: thin, tall, wearing the same gray sweater. One day I was walking down the stairs and twisted my ankle. I almost fell - thank you, Igor walked towards me and caught me in time. For almost half an hour I tried to call my fiance. And then he picked up the phone and said that he was busy and couldn’t pick me up from work. Igor helped me again: he took me to the emergency room, and spent the rest of the day in line with me, first to see the surgeon, then for an x-ray. All this time he touchingly held my hand. Fortunately, I didn't have a fracture. Igor took me home, and I suddenly realized that he was the same person I had been looking for all my life.”
Sometimes you don't have to go to the ends of the earth to find your soulmate. She may be nearby, literally at your side, unnoticed and unappreciated. We don’t see it because we are in constant pursuit of external attributes and statuses. But Saint-Exupery was right when he said: “Only the heart is vigilant; you cannot see the most important thing with your eyes.”
From hate to love...
Nadya recalls the story of how she met her husband: “Once I best friend abandoned by lover. They only dated for a couple of months, but he managed to break her heart. I had never seen a woman so upset over a man before, and I hated him with all my soul. Propelled by the best feelings of friendship, I found out his address and decided to tell him everything I thought, and at the same time get to know each other - we had never met before. A handsome young man opened the door and invited me for a cup of coffee. We chatted for three hours, Oleg explained the reason for his leaving (my friend was simultaneously having an affair with another man, which she didn’t tell me about). After the conversation, I was completely on his side. I admit, I went home feeling disheveled. And when the next day he called and asked me out on a date, I couldn’t refuse. Of course, I lost my friend, but I found the most beloved man in the world: Oleg and I have been happily married for eight years.”
Women can sometimes be very impulsive and emotional. They know how to love as passionately as they can hate. That is why the fairer sex needs to calm down before taking important decisions. After all, having come to their senses, they can understand that what seemed like deep hatred is actually strong love.
-Darling, did you wash my shoes?
- What? Did you wash your shoes? Am I your servant, or what?
“Well, how,” Pavel was embarrassed. - You are the wife.
- That's right, I haven't forgotten that I'm a wife, not a servant. I wash my own shoes.
- Well, that's... Okay. But our mother always washed.
- Mom made soap, you say? So we should have taken her with us, let her live with us.
- Okay, that's enough, don't get started. Now I'll wash it myself. You won't get it.
- Exactly. And there is nothing to wait for. Look how interesting he is, wash his shoes. Maybe I should wash your socks too?
Pavel quickly washed his shoes and left the house without saying goodbye. He was offended and angry by the words of his new wife. This is real family life, he thought on the way to work.
They warned me that everything would be different, not the same as when we were just dating. Here are the first skirmishes and scandals. And all he asked was to wash his shoes - it was a big problem, but no, it started halfway. I ruined my whole mood early in the morning. Our mother never allowed us to wash our shoes ourselves. I always washed my father’s and Dimka’s and mine myself. I have a strange Aliska, she has her own mind.
At this time, Alice closed the door behind her husband, snorted and, upset by the morning incident, went to drink tea. She was also offended by Pavlik, because she did not expect such impudence from him. “What impudence,” she thought, “to wash his shoes. Now I've run away. His wife is his servant, damn it! It’s not like my mother washed her boots, my dad didn’t even ask her to iron her trousers, he ironed them himself, and even he could wash her boots or cook them for food. But, you know, I’m not used to it. It wasn’t accepted in our family.”
Pavel got to work, turned on the computer and logged on to the Internet. Alice was already surfing the Internet at that time and came across one small note:
“Newlyweds (and spouses in general) can avoid quarrels over the division of household duties by simply sitting down and telling each other how and what was customary to do in their family of origin. Most often, people transfer the behavior and interaction patterns of their parents into family life. If the patterns are similar, then there will be fewer fights. This can be observed in families whose parents represent similar types of people in terms of social groups, wealth, culture, etc.
It is advisable to have conversations about the way of interaction in the family regularly, and it is even better to do this before marriage in order to clarify issues in advance and avoid a situation where some things cannot be corrected. You can also discuss issues of raising children, using family budget, the goals of the family and each spouse and many others.
People who love each other are different in that they want to understand the other side, accept it, make concessions, come to an agreement, and find a solution acceptable to both sides. They are ready to develop new models of behavior because they understand that there are no ideal patterns of interaction in the family and that they have to build their own new system, which will take something from the parents, and something the young spouses must contribute themselves. Only then will there be peace and quiet and complete mutual understanding in the house.
P.S. Don’t be embarrassed to talk to your spouse about any topic. He/she loves you and will understand. Understanding is the key to a long and happy life.”
Alice read to the end, and it dawned on her. That’s right, Pasha himself said that their mother washed their shoes, which means he expects the same behavior from me. This is his template. I remember once she even washed my shoes. I didn’t yet understand why she did it. I thought: it’s probably some kind of tradition for my daughter-in-law to wash her shoes, but she didn’t ask, she was afraid to make herself look ignorant. They will also say: he knows nothing.
She sent the article to Pasha and wrote at the bottom: “I understand you. I love you. I accept and produce new model behavior. I will wash your shoes."
In response, a message came: “Thank you, my love! Cool article. You’re cool to me - understanding! And I also want to change something in my behavior.”
“Then how about you make the bed in the morning while I make breakfast? That’s what my dad did,” Alice’s offer immediately followed.
"Okay, honey, I agree."
From the book by Vadim KHUZIN “The Hand of Life: Stories that Inspire”
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