Psychologists have long noticed that women like married men more than bachelors. Why is this happening and what to do to avoid falling into the trap of a hopeless relationship?
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The study involved 100 single and married women who were shown photographs of men. There were marks in the photo telling whether the man was married or single. Women had to say which men they were attracted to and which of them they would start a relationship with.
It was found that married men are 4 times more attracted to single women than single women... Married women liked free men much less, it seems that the bonds of marriage for women are of great importance.
Psychologists explain this fact by the fact that one of the reasons that married men are attracted to free women is that such men already know how to take on obligations and responsibilities.
“Latently, women think that a man’s commitment to family values has already been revealed by another woman, which means that this is a suitable partner for a serious relationship,” psychologists emphasize.
In addition, there are several psychological syndromes that cause women to be attracted to married men. Psychologists described each of them in detail and made a prediction about the future of such a relationship.
1. Care Daddy Syndrome
We, women, remain little girls in our souls to a ripe old age. And the image of a father - caring, caring and protective - is kept in our hearts by each of us. Someone has a real dad, someone has an ideal image.
As a rule, girls, who did not receive love and approval from their father in childhood, tend to “get” these emotions from their partner in adulthood. Such girls are attracted to mature men, who are often already tied by family ties. This is how the classic student-teacher or secretary-boss relationship emerges.
As a rule, favorable: men in their years often feel nostalgia for the "good old days" of their youth and try to bring them back by changing their old life friend, who perfectly sees all his shortcomings, for a young and naively admired one.
However, a young lady in love needs to take a close look at her chosen one: a man should feel a thirst for change, he should be full of energy and a desire to "shake off the old days." Often in adulthood, the fuse is enough only for a short-term affair, and then the man returns to his usual family nest ...
2. Syndrome "the good have already been sorted out"
Admit it, you've said that yourself at least once? It is customary for us to “bolster” promising suitors as early as possible. As the famous actress and TV presenter Larisa Guzeeva used to say, "Good men are taken apart by puppies." Hence, as if by itself, the conclusion suggests itself: if you want to get a good man - look for an already "tested" one, grab and beat him off!
What is the prospect of such a relationship?
As a rule, nothing good comes of it. In addition to the ugly "woman's" showdown with his wife and petty revenge on his cowardly lover. Men with some sixth sense understand that they are being beaten off not because of unearthly love, but out of self-interest, and quickly back up.
3. The syndrome of "femme fatale"
Do not feed many women with bread - let them experience burning passions! And what could be more exciting than forbidden love - these secret meetings, tears and reconciliation, swing of emotions and fireworks of experiences! And all this half-spy romance - dating in other people's apartments, encrypted sms, furtive kisses, because eyes and ears are everywhere - only enhances the drama of the situation.
In addition, the status of "femme fatale", especially if the romance ended with the removal of the man from the family by the woman in love, has a certain romantic charm. Such a woman is envied, she is discussed, she is reputed to be the conqueror of men's hearts. If the syndrome of "femme fatale" is aggravated by low self-esteem, the woman turns into a serial homeless woman: she simply enjoys the fact that she can break other people's families ...
Most "femme fatale" subconsciously does not strive for marriage: well, these passionate natures are not created for cooking borscht and changing diapers! Therefore, novels can drag on for years, exhausting and simultaneously energizing both partners.
4. Syndrome "prince and beggar"
Some single women, having experienced financial hardships and failing to build their own careers, come to the idea: "It is better to have a delicious pie together than to sip liquid soup alone." That is, they initially prefer to become the mistress of a wealthy man than to build a family with a poor student.
A rare married lover does not feel remorse over his forbidden pleasures and does not try to somehow console each of the "victims". As a rule, these mental anguish works wonders with men, turning even the most inveterate miser almost into an Arab sheikh. It's so easy to drown out the unpleasantly itchy feeling of guilt by giving the beloved woman instead of the statue of the legal wife something cute and a lot of carats ...
What is the prospect of such a relationship?
Strong and calm: no one pretends for anything, and the man supports two families.
5. Syndrome "pretty picture"
As a rule, when dealing with a married man, women pay attention to his imposingness and external attractiveness (his wife picks up his wardrobe, ironing his shirts, reminds him that it's time to have a haircut, etc.), grooming and healthy appearance (his wife feeds him homemade food, he does not have to make do with semi-finished products), solidity and self-confidence (his wife praises him in every possible way and raises his self-esteem).
That is, in fact, a woman simply “sticks” to a beautiful picture, falls in love with an image created by the forces of another woman! She does not see the inside of this "picture", nor how much work it took her wife to create the "picture" itself.
What are the prospects for such a relationship?
As a rule, falling in love with the "picture" leads to quick disappointment, and the novel ends to the mutual displeasure of the parties. What if, in spite of everything, you see off an envious family - dad, mom and adorable baby for a walk in the park?
You just want to get this tall, smiling man - undoubtedly, an excellent lover, a wonderful breadwinner and a caring father ... It is difficult to give unequivocal advice. Although the popular wisdom says "You can't build happiness on someone else's misfortune," about 30% of novels with married people end in a wedding. But think about such an experiment of Belarusian psychologists.
Minsk psychologists offered 10 single women to live in a “pseudo-marriage” (without sexual relations) with 10 bachelors, who chose these women by questionnaires. During this time, the "wives" were instructed to take care of the "husbands", surround them with care and attention, communicate affectionately, listen with pleasure, feed them with homemade snacks, watch the wardrobe and subtly give advice on how to behave in a given situation.
Initially, women were not delighted with the proposed partners: they seemed to them to be slovens, careless, unattractive, unable to communicate and care. After 3 months of the experiment, 10 pairs were collected in a restaurant. All men have changed dramatically!
And another surprising fact: every woman was delighted with all men, except ... her companion! Perhaps you should still take a closer look at those free men who surround you? Small "investments" of participation, warmth and female care sometimes work wonders - see for yourself!
I periodically receive letters of approximately the following content: “I met a man, fell in love right away, but it turned out that he was married. Why am I so unlucky? Why do I choose married men all the time? Maybe something is wrong with me? "
Let's talk about this topic.
One friend of mine constantly finds herself in this situation. She longs to get married, attends various events where you can meet your soul mate. But every time the same thing happens to her. A single admirer turns out to be boring, and the one who is attractive to her is certainly married. And every time after such meetings, she tells how she almost fell in love with a gorgeous man who gallantly invited her to dinner, presented flowers, was cheerful, witty, smart and so on. Well, a real "colonel"! But with all this, he is married.
Another friend purposefully chooses a "busy" object and does everything possible to take possession of it. She does it easily, because she is a very charming lady with rare virtues that almost any bachelor would be happy to encroach on. But she is only interested in difficult victories, the easy path is not for her.
How is the personal life of such women? As a rule, these are rare meetings, after which first sweet, then bitter feelings about the impossibility of being together, lonely weekends and holidays. These are ups, downs, tears, despair and many "why?" Questions.
Perhaps I am wrong, and there are women who are happy and content with rare meetings and the way their life is going. But they don't come to me for consultations, so I don't know anything about them. Accordingly, today we are talking about those who write letters with questions.
So the question "Why do I choose married?".
There can be a lot of reasons here, and each case is individual.
Competitive spirit
Having reached a certain age, and without getting married, a woman begins compare yourself with other more successful girlfriends and evaluate yourself, to put it mildly, not very high. And then a man appears who raises her self-esteem, paying attention to her, paying her compliments, and simply treating her as a Woman. And then she unconsciously turns on the spirit of competition.
She used to compare herself with other women. not in your favor, and suddenly she is given a chance to rehabilitate herself in her own eyes. She thinks like this: "Since he drew attention to me, then I am better than his wife!"
This perception of the situation gives her energy, a surge of strength, makes her feel special, significant, sexy, super woman!
But periods of uplift are followed by stages of doubt, anxiety, uncertainty. The man does not call, disappears somewhere without explanation, does not behave at all in the way that, according to her, the beloved should behave. Because of this, and suffering, tears and complaints of unhappy love.
Then this period also passes, they meet again, the woman blooms again. And so on in a circle.
What's next? And further in her soul negative emotions accumulate that result in claims and scandals. Some women begin to grow a sense of revenge as a defensive reaction. They rejoice when a man has scandals in his family, when he manages to annoy his wife with something, who in fact bears no guilt in front of her. But for our heroine, this is not important, because she thinks like this: “I am better than you! It is your fault that you dare to think differently. And I will prove to you that it is not so! ". Of course, it may not be such specific formulations in her head, but her unconscious thinks that way.
Where does this competitive spirit come from? Everything is very simple - due to low self-esteem and self-dislike... A woman does not love and appreciate herself, allowing herself to be in a situation that brings her negative emotions.
Imagine a woman who loves and values herself. Just imagine how she looks and how she behaves. Agree, the first thing that catches your eye is her Inner Light that cannot be hidden. She is calm, kind and cheerful, vibrations emanate from her love and warmth.
We are all made up of vibrations. Even if you don't say anything, you still phonize with what is inside you. All women who met married men were distinguished by one thing - they phoned with suffering, uncertainty, dissatisfaction. It was read from their eyes, postures, gestures, facial expressions, etc.
This begs the question: "Why, then, do married men meet with women who a priori do not love themselves?"
Remember the saying "A fisherman sees a fisherman from afar." Typically, both engage in a game called the manipulative triangle. The game is very addicting and brutal. She has a lot of passion and a lot of suffering. A woman who does not love herself allows herself to be used, succumbing to the manipulations of a married man. And he is ALWAYS a manipulator if you play this game with him.
A woman who loves herself does not allow himself to be manipulated... This means that it does not fall into such a triangle.
One very wise woman who loves herself said: “If he is married and does not want to part with his wife, for me personally this means only one thing - he loves her, not me. And no matter how offended I am, it follows from this that I will give my love not to him, but to someone who can accept and appreciate it! And I wish this man happiness! "
Fear of intimacy
Some women clearly have a trauma in their first year of life associated with their mother. I will not load you with scientific terms and proofs of my point of view, I will only say one thing - relationship with mom greatly influenced relationships with men.
And now, in adulthood, a woman is reinsured against excessive closeness with men, choosing married. On the one hand, she can tell everyone that she really wants to get married and will carefully look around for this. But her unconscious will certainly choose a married man, since this is her protection from serious relationships, which she really is avoids because it sits very deeply on the unconscious fear of loneliness... And what we are afraid of, we attract, as you know.
Answering a call
A successful married man stands out from the crowd in that he emanates high-level vibrations - calmness, confidence, satisfaction... He is not hungry for sex, every day he sees a woman next to him and knows what is hidden behind the peculiarities of a woman's character. Therefore, he reacts to women without clearly expressed interest and even with a certain degree of indifference. A woman with big claims that she is “the best” (smart, beautiful, etc.) cannot pass such a challenge.
They reason like this: “How is it that he has not yet fallen in love with me? I am a star! Well, now we'll see who gets who! "
Ladies, for whom such a challenge is relevant, do not particularly strive for marriage, preferring a relationship without obligations. But at the same time, they can ardently prove to all relatives and friends that they are looking for and dream of marriage, although each time they choose married, refusing single ones. In fact, they strongly fear claims and encroachments on their freedom. They should admit to themselves that they do not need a family, and then this will resolve their internal conflict.
Inability to understand men
Other women believe that if someone has chosen a man, it means that he is already good to be considered a worthy gentleman. She sees that he is not a sloven, but on the contrary, a serious man who has taken responsibility for the family, and he can be absolutely considered reliable. And he looks very well-groomed - he always has an ironed and clean shirt, which is watched over by his lawful wife. And he is so gallant and understanding, as if he sees right through you. He is also a witty, and generally very interesting man with a deep inner content. He also has three or five children, which makes his image completely out of the realm of fantasy. : “Women give birth to him, so he is oh-ho! From just anyone, a woman will not give birth. Moreover, the second and third child. " This is how our heroine thinks.
And he is also sad, his wife does not understand him, he is lonely and is looking for the only one who would save him. And before that, he had already had two unsuccessful marriages, in which he suffered and suffered, because both of his wives were terrible egoists who thought only of themselves.
In this situation, all bachelors appear windy, frivolous and useless, since they have not yet married.
A woman hangs up her ears and becomes a vest for such a man, thinking that it is she who will save him, and it is with her that he will definitely be happy. This awareness greatly raises her self-esteem, she feels necessary and begins to work with all his might.
What happens next, add it yourself.
Passion muzzle
There are ladies who are attracted to this relationship. adrenalin which they get from secret meetings. Entering into such a relationship, they acquire mystery, intrigue that they can't trust to anyone. And if you trust it, it becomes the best topic for discussion. Meetings in safe houses, destruction of evidence - everything is like in the best detectives. And at first it is very exciting and kindles passion. But time passes, and this begins to weigh on the woman, because everything becomes boring, and then relations do not develop.
The question is, why isn't it happening? Yes, because a man needs exactly these sensations. secrets, intrigues, passions, games. If the relationship is legalized, then it will no longer be a secret, and the man does not intend to play such a game, it is not interesting for him.
Summary
I would like to write the following summary. How to live and what to do, everyone decides for herself. Only you know what is the best life for you and what is happiness for you.
Self-loathing is surmountable! This can and should be learned. Don't expect to be loved, learn to love yourself.
Walk through life easily and love yourself, and you will definitely meet a worthy free man whom you will love and create a family with. Observe the laws of the Universe, remember the popular wisdom - “you can't build happiness on someone else's misfortune”!
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Relations between men and women. Relationships with married men. Why are only married men come across? What do we have to do, so that you learn about men more and more deeply, in order to understand this and the one who will someday stay with you? Do I need to agree to a more intimate relationship, or still check out simple human friendship and responsibility? To what extent do complaints and grievances interfere with creating a field of happiness?
Question
Good afternoon, Santosh! I wanted to know why all men come across to me are married and are always many, many years older. I have a son, he is 14 years old, I have been raising one from the first days and never thought about marriage, and no one ever proposed. Most importantly, all the men with whom I have communicated so far love, call, but no more. It seems not a cripple, everything is fine, but I can't understand what it is, I'm tired of talking to married people, I really want my family, help me. Thank you, best regards, Seraphima
Serafima, 30 years old, Uzbekistan
Answer
Good afternoon, Seraphima!
The phrase "never thought about marriage" is an answer to the fact that "no one ever proposed", it still works inside you, so there is no place for free men who will offer you marriage. If you see this, the situation will change. Continue to interact with married men as you would regular friends. Go to restaurants, cafes, talk heart to heart ...
What is a male society for?
- Free friendly communication- this is a certain vibration and it is masculine. This is attention, and it is masculine. This is the male field within you.
You need to talk, so that they tell more, so that you learn about men more and more deeply, in order to understand that and the one who will someday stay with you. The space through acquaintance with other men prepares you for a meeting and you should not give up communication, you can end the relationship between a man and a woman, leaving friendship. If a man does not want to leave just the communication of friends, then it is naive to think about his responsibility for you, do not stand illusions. Nothing can be thrown away - this is an experience and your volume that you have passed.
- Stop judging, blaming, remove claims, find in communication and new acquaintances some kind of help from the male field, so that your man comes in the end.
Is this a coincidence, or is it about you?
Have you ever felt like you're only attracted to men who already have a girlfriend or even a wife? In other words, do you always go with mistresses?
If so, then maybe you yourself are unconsciously sending signals that are only received by those who are already in relationships with others. You just don't understand what your actions and your body language are talking about.
So why would a man in a relationship look for another? Through my experience with married men and bad guys, I can shed some light on this from the inside.
Men in long-term relationships are looking for new emotions and experiences. They still love their woman, but they want something new. They are hunters, and the cave mentality pushes them in search of new prey. But many men are already tamed hunters, especially if their cave woman is completely satisfying.
When there is a ring on her finger and the other woman sees it, she shouldn't even try to flirt with that man. Unless he can influence her career or she just wants to drink at his expense. You can continue. But he will not leave his wife.
It is even worse with men who live in a civil marriage, because they have no signs of belonging, such as a ring. And psychologically, they gave themselves such freedom, because physically they have no evidence that they are connected by a relationship. The philosophy "I'm only busy when she's around" becomes a mantra.
Have you noticed that when you walk with friends, not dressed up or wearing makeup, then you are more likely to attract men?
This is because men feel desperate.
The need of a woman for a man is more than noticeable, and if he needs a girl for one night, then you are the first to whom he will approach. Sure, this is flattering - you get attention and free drinks - but in the end it gets bad when you find out that he has a girlfriend / wife.
I developed my theory of bad underwear. When you wear ugly underwear, you don't expect to come home with a new acquaintance. And when you have the aura of "I'm not desperately looking for a man," you become more attractive and intriguing for the opposite sex. Thus, they want you for who you are, not just to sleep.
If you have low self-esteem, you can see it. Men know that a woman with low self-esteem can be easily dragged into bed and have a psychological and physical advantage. Such women are easy targets for one night stand.
Rule # 1 that women must learn and understand: you cannot change a man.
Yes, he enjoys spending time with you. And if he is older, then you will make him feel young again. But no matter how good you are, you cannot convince him to leave his wife or girlfriend.
Another red flag is when a man constantly says that he is going to leave his wife. But if there is no other reason besides you for this, then this will not happen. Forget it, go away.
Sex is also important. If a man is not satisfied with his constant girlfriend, then he will look around. But just because he says he doesn't sleep with his wife doesn't mean it's true. You cannot trust a cheater, because his deeds already speak louder than words.
The description of the mistress is usually the same. A lover is a sweet, fun and successful girl. It's easy with her while his stress-drinking non-sexual wife stays at home. When he is with you, he forgets about household problems.
But as soon as you know that he has someone, leave. What if it was your boyfriend doing this to you? If he is cheating on his girlfriend, it is more than likely that it will not be difficult for him to change again - already for you.
And even if he leaves her for you, somewhere in the depths of your soul you should always doubt whether he will do the same with you. And then it will already hurt you. Mistresses rarely win.
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