How to become open and sociable if you are, by nature, a shy person, and it is difficult to call your life interesting? After all, an unsociable person, has almost no friends, very rarely makes new acquaintances, and when he gets into a new company, he sits silently, shy, not knowing how to start or maintain a conversation. It is difficult for such a person as an introvert to get along in a team. Colleagues do not accept silent people and loners, and communicate with them with caution. Even when applying for a job, the employer pays attention to the sociability and sociability of the applicant for a good position. If you are a sociable person, you are more likely to make a career.
How to become sociable
Problems in communication, experience in fact, a large number of of people. According to statistics, there are 25% of introverts in the world, and if you are one of them, then questions are inevitable: how to develop sociability in yourself, if you were born that way, does this mean that your life will be full of failures, and how to learn to be sociable?
This situation can be easily corrected if you seriously think about how to become a master of communication. Moreover, you will need to not only change yourself, but also your behavior. You will have to work hard to get rid of unnecessary features, learn self-control, not put off things for later, but act here and now. If you develop these qualities in yourself, becoming a more sociable person, you will immediately see how your life will begin to change for the better.
Find common ground
The meaning of communication is that people who often communicate with each other become closer to each other, due to the fact that they have their own points of contact. They are united by common interests or hobbies, common views, etc. Therefore, in order to become open and sociable in any company, you must, as best as possible, understand those areas that are of interest to your interlocutors. Only after that, your communication with them will become easier and more relaxed.
Need to be yourself
If you seriously have a question about how to become a sociable and interesting person, then first learn to express your position openly. Do not be shy and afraid of the reaction of others if your opinion causes them disagreement, or even aggression. Just ignore them, and always be yourself - this is the best thing you can do in this situation.
Less criticism
Many people do not understand how to become more sociable, because they see only flaws in others. Remember, a self-confident and sociable person finds only positive qualities in the environment, which is why he succeeds in making friends, communicating, and not being lonely. Stop criticizing everyone and making fun of others who, in your opinion, are worse people than you. If you are a misanthrope, then learn to be friendly. Treating people with respect will help you make friends easily.
smile
How to become more sociable if you walk all the time with a serious or sullen face? A smile expresses interest and favor to the interlocutor, and should be appropriate. If you smile all the time, then those around you may misinterpret your good intentions to become more cheerful and sociable, and this, oddly enough, will push them away.
Improve yourself
You must become a well-rounded person, and this will require improvement in various areas. If you begin to develop yourself, you will be confident in your abilities, your stiffness will disappear, more topics will appear for conducting dialogues with people, and, as a result, others will have the opinion that you are a sociable person.
Communicate on social networks
There is no better way to solve the problem of how to develop sociability than social networks. It is here, as well as possible, that you can practice communicating with people and make friends. In the social networks, the easiest way is to become a relaxed and sociable girl, or to be a more open guy. After all, communication, without eye contact, is much easier, because no one will see your embarrassment.
Know how to listen
How to become a good interlocutor? Just learn to listen to the person you are talking to. Show interest in him, ask any question that interests you, and wait until he finishes answering. Human psychology is such that it is important for him to speak out to the end. Having shown your respect for the interlocutor, give him this opportunity. If you start a conversation, then you should listen to your opponent at ease and with interest on your face. In no case do not yawn, do not look around, do not look at the phone all the time when you are having a dialogue with a person. He will quickly figure out your fake interest, and the next time, no matter how friendly you seem, he simply will not want to communicate with you.
Being sociable, in this case, does not mean that you need to endlessly listen to the opponent's monologue. Also, you need to take the initiative, and translate the interlocutor to topics that are of interest to you. This technique will help you become a more talkative and liberated person.
Love yourself
If you are having trouble becoming outgoing and confident, then first pay attention to how you treat the people around you. Do you respect them? And do you have respect and love for yourself? How to become sociable if you are full of negativity? Remember, a person feels at the subconscious level how you feel about him, and above all, how much you love yourself. Based on these data, people form an opinion about you, according to which they build their behavior in relation to your person. Therefore, in order to become an open and sociable person, it is necessary to love and respect yourself, as well as to know your worth. This will surely increase your ranking in the eyes of the people. But, on the subject of self-esteem, don't overdo it so you don't look like a pompous, stupid person.
hello
Feel free to say hello to people you don't know well, and even more so to people you know well. The question of how to become talkative will resolve itself if you set a goal for yourself to do it regularly, and sometimes even start a conversation with a stranger, for example, in a shopping line. This tactic will help solve the problem of how to become more sociable.
Speak beautifully
How to become easier in communication if those around you hardly understand? Of course, among the narrow circle of people with whom you are accustomed to communicate, your slang is familiar and understandable to everyone. But what if you, trying to speak this language with other people, immediately feel alienated, misunderstood, and sometimes even aggressive towards you? To become easy to communicate, you will have to remember how to speak the literary language and try to put it into practice. So that you are not embarrassed about how to pronounce this or that word, try to read fiction and increase your vocabulary.
Be funny
How to become cheerful when communicating? Any social circle of interests has a certain set of jokes, as well as their level. First, don't try to become talkative. Listen to people, especially in a new company, and determine what they react to and what makes them happy. After that, you can become more talkative if you prepare for the next meeting with friends by reading a lot of witty jokes or funny anecdotes on the Internet, be sure to write them down on paper. The more jokes will be poured from you, the more cheerful, interesting and sociable person you will be considered by others. This fact will certainly help you to liberate yourself.
act
Without drawing up a clear plan of action on the issue of how to become sociable - you can not do. It is necessary to perform some action every day, sometimes forcing yourself to communicate with people, even if you do not have the desire to do so. Let these actions become mandatory for you, for example, like brushing your teeth in the morning. Only this way will help you make new acquaintances or friends, and become a sociable person.
As you know, cheerful people literally attract attention from others. Everyone loves them, they want to be with them, they always turn out to be the center of attention of any company. Why does it happen that some people have this quality by nature, while others in their lives are constantly haunted by depression, despondency and disappointment? How to make the life of the latter rich and interesting? Let's try to give some advice about how to be funny.
You can often meet very people who are rather boring, irritable, show their dissatisfaction with every trifle, and treat others with disdain. In their company, any person will feel uncomfortable, trying to get rid of an unpleasant society as quickly as possible. At the same time, everyone can remember another type of girls who outwardly are not standards of beauty, but their face is always adorned with a smile, and their eyes are full of joy. Not a single man can pass by such girls indifferently. Naturally, every woman wants to belong to the second type. What do you need in order to become cheerful and attract the attention of others?
Firstly- the smile should not disappear from your lips. Even in those situations when you are sad and lonely, try to smile. At first, you will get artificial, "stretched" smiles, but very soon you will notice how the tone begins to return to normal, the problems cease to seem so terrible, and life literally fills your body.
In addition to this, we must remember that a smile is the only decoration that can make absolutely any woman more attractive.
Second An important skill is the ability to find positive notes in any situation. Don't focus on the small ones. As a rule, it is quite easy to get out of them, and you can even get some benefit. The main thing is to consider it in time.
Life situations, by their nature, are neutral, and everyone decides whether they are good or bad for themselves.
Parting with a young man can be regarded as a personal tragedy, but on the other hand, you become free in order to find yourself a worthy companion! If you get sick, you can completely sag and sit and grieve about how unlucky you are, but it will be better if you begin to perceive your illness as an unplanned opportunity to have a good rest, sleep and clean yourself up.
It is very important to be able to program yourself for success. Tell yourself more often about how good your life is, what a wonderful mood you have, what wonderful people you are surrounded by. Very soon your life will change for the better, and become truly more colorful.
Do not neglect the opportunity to communicate with interesting people. They can be both relatives, friends, colleagues and classmates, as well as Internet interlocutors. The main thing is not to get hung up on communication on the Web and not to exchange your real friends for virtual ones.
In order to answer the question of how to become cheerful, force yourself to walk as often as possible. Of course, this applies to those days when the weather is fine outside. sunlight favorably affects a person, making his mood more positive.
Some foods are very effective mood lifters. As you know, the best of them is chocolate, which supplies the body with endrophins, but other products, such as bananas, spaghetti, hard cheese, oranges, and many others, may well be suitable.
It is important to be able to create a mood for yourself, often arrange for yourself, albeit small, but holidays. Paying attention to your person, you will no longer feel lack from others, and this will allow you to treat them not as a necessity, but as gifts.
Always be on the move, because it is known that Movement is life. Take up dancing, which will be no less useful but more enjoyable. This will allow you to relax, feel more comfortable surrounded by people you don't know and, which is very important, constantly keep your body in good shape.
That's all our tips on how to be fun. Try to follow them, and you will notice how your life will begin to be filled with positive, and you will become a desirable person in any company.
I wish you all bright smiles every day, my dear readers!
Stop being afraid of being rejected. This fear is the reason why many people are afraid to communicate. They are afraid that if they try they will fail, so they do nothing - a fundamentally wrong approach! No doubt, sometimes it happens. Needless to say, we have all had occasion or two to start a conversation with a person who turned out to be rude or uncommunicative. However, don't let that fear stop you from greeting people or even trying to strike up a small conversation with people you don't know well. Believe me, most people, if given a chance, will show their best side. Those who do not show themselves from such a side ... well, they are not worth it to communicate with them.
- Yes, you won't know for sure until you try it. However, keep in mind: if you were refused, then you have not lost anything. But if you were not refused, then you may have found a new friend! As you can see, the pros outweigh the cons, so what's the point of being afraid to take the first step?
- We are all denied. Everyone. To each. And that's good, it helps us grow up and get stronger. What matters is how you handle rejection, not how well you try to avoid it.
- Take a deep breath, relax, and remind yourself that you have nothing to lose if the other person refuses to communicate with you. And what is the tragedy here? Believe me, even if the situation seems like the end of the world, in fact it is nothing serious.
Watch your body language. Start becoming more outgoing by looking more friendly. You need to appear more open to communication. If you stand straight, even with your arms crossed over your chest, and not be afraid to look people in the eye, then they will want to talk to you. But if you sit, buried in your smartphone or looking at the pattern of your own sweater, then you are unlikely to attract someone's attention. So, remember, the more positive and open you look, the more chances people will think you want to communicate and want to talk to you.
- Note that you may appear unwilling to communicate at the level of body language and not even know it! It's natural for shy people to sort of "hide" from others. However, all this is fixable - start working on not seeming like a person dreaming of being left alone, but a person looking for companionship, and everything will work out.
- Even trying to smile counts. If people see that you're trying to be friendly, they're much more likely to want to hang out with you!
Start talking about nothing. However, “talking about nothing” is always much more than just “about nothing”. Even if it seems to you that you are almost allergic to such conversations, understand that these are the basics, and only from them can you move on to communication on a more ... thorough level. Of course, you may want to talk about more complex matters, but first you still have to learn how to talk about everyday things. Believe me, talking about nothing is a great way to get to know people better. Here are some tips for this:
- Perhaps talking about the weather is not the most exciting topic. However, the weather theme can be used to transition to something more interesting. If someone complains that because of the rain he had to stay at home all weekend, ask what that person did on the weekend - what he watched, what he listened to, what he read.
- If a person is wearing unusual jewelry, compliment the taste of that fashionista. Who knows, you may even know the history associated with this piece of jewelry. Maybe this story will develop into a conversation about, say, a grandmother who bought that jewelry at one time, or about the trip during which that jewelry was bought (who knows, maybe the jewelry was bought in the city you are talking about). dreaming for the rest of your life!
- When talking about trifles, try not to ask “yes” or “no” questions, as they kind of cut off the conversation. Ask questions that can be answered in detail. A question like “Did you have a good weekend?” - it's not very successful. Questions like “What did you do at the weekend?” much better.
- At first, you should avoid personal questions. Use simple themes - hobbies, sports, favorite bands, pets. Wait for the person to open up to you.
Be interested, not interesting. You may think that the only way to become social is to be the cool guy everyone wants to hang out with. We won’t argue, it won’t hurt, but we also note that people are much more willing to communicate with those who are interested in themselves! And even if you can and should share some information about yourself, the main focus in communication should be on asking questions to others, in order to show interest in them, to try to learn more about them. Here are some examples of things to ask about.
- What are their favorite bands, teams, movies and TV shows.
- What are their hobbies and interests?
- Where, if they travelled, they enjoyed it the most.
- Do they have pets.
- Do they like the place where they live.
- How did an event in their life go.
- What are their plans for the future.
Meet new people in a friendly way. Yes, for those who have certain communication problems, it is often difficult to get rid of skepticism, distrust and even fear in relation to new acquaintances. It often seems to such people that new acquaintances will not give them anything on a personal level, that they are not needed, that it is better to stay in the comfort zone. Here it is worth considering that it is probably worth getting to know you. Remember that you yourself are a new person for someone. Do not expect bad things from people until they convince you of the senselessness of such an attitude, try to learn to expect something good from people and believe in them. If, when meeting people, you see them not as enemies, but as friends, then you will take several steps at once towards becoming sociable.
- If you are standing among a group of your acquaintances and see a new face, take the first step and get to know each other, and do not play the role of a shy person. Everyone will be impressed by your initiative.
- If you see a person who still doesn't know anyone here, take a step towards him and help him get comfortable. Believe me, this gesture of kindness on your part will not go unnoticed.
Learn to read people. Yes, they can be read. Yes, almost like books. That way, you can learn a lot of interesting things. Learn to understand all non-verbal gestures, body language, learn to read emotions in the face and posture. And if someone tells you that he is doing great, and the eyes of that person will literally scream about the opposite - give him a helping hand, lend a shoulder! This will not be forgotten.
- To learn how to communicate with people, you need to learn to hear what they are really trying to tell you. For example, if one person in the group looks around, he may be bored or uncomfortable, or he may need help.
- If you are talking to someone who is constantly looking at his watch or shifting from foot to foot, then there is a chance that that person is in a hurry or even already late. In this case, it is quite normal to say goodbye and promise to talk later.
Sociability is the ability to quickly establish contacts and build relationships. Sociability - the need for communication and focus on others. Being sociable is more difficult than contacting everyone, but quality is more valuable.
Sociability is often mistaken for sociability, but this is not so. People - may not be sociable, while their opposites - may be fluent in communication skills and have a reputation for being sociable.
Sociability is the ability to establish warm trusting relationships with people, earn their respect and even raise their own self-esteem. A sociable person can turn out to be quarrelsome, tactless, overly talkative, and dealing with such a person is an unpleasant occupation.
Being communicative is a big advantage. Employers value sociable people, they enjoy authority among employees, customers and competitors, they are trusted, they are loved by friends and relatives. They have many useful connections, which is important when building a career and personal life, it is easier for them to get the information they need.
And all because, communicating with people, they establish bilateral contact with them and do not put pressure on them with their knowledge, eloquence and significance. Often they listen more than they speak, and they are active listeners.
The American actor and screenwriter of the last century Chauncey DePew said that no other human ability will allow him to make a career and gain recognition as quickly as the ability to speak beautifully. And the ability to speak beautifully is an indispensable condition for communication skills.
Is it an innate trait of character? After all, it happens that a grandmother who has lived all her life in the countryside has more delicacy and intelligence than a city dweller with two educations! However, it doesn't matter. The main thing is that with a great desire you can develop in yourself.
Be sociable!
1. If you want to be sociable, know how to be silent
It would seem that silence is so easy. But for most people, being silent is much worse than talking.
Let's remember the people from our environment and think about how many of them know how to listen to us silently, without interrupting. Most likely, to count them, the fingers of one hand are enough. And what about ourselves? Do we manage to listen to the interlocutor to the end, or do we impatiently wait for a second pause in his story in order to transfer the conversation to a topic of interest to us? Do we like to interrupt the narrator in order to finish his thought ourselves? Or interrupt his speech with the words: “I have already heard this”, “You have already said this”, “I am not interested in this”?
If we are bad listeners, then only our friends and relatives can get used to and forgive us for this shortcoming, but others will not tolerate it. Therefore, we will never do in areas where you need to communicate with people.
To be able to listen is not just to be silent. After all, you can portray attention by delving into your own thoughts, and the interlocutor will immediately realize that he is indifferent to us. This will offend him no less than if we interrupt him and "change the record." We really need to be inspired by his words and show interest with head nods, phrases that will show that we have not lost the thread of the conversation, such as: “Who would have thought!”, “You must have been very upset (was happy)”, etc. - depending on the situation. The main thing is to let the person talk.
There are many examples when silent listeners were called excellent interlocutors.
But why should we listen to what, perhaps, we are not at all interested in and show attention? First, we decided to become sociable. Secondly, if we did not ignore the person, but entered into a conversation with him, then we need him for some reason. But we will not interest him until we ourselves show interest and attention to him.
2. Talk to people about topics they are interested in
Why? He gave an exhaustive answer to this question. He noticed that there is only one way to influence another person: to talk with him about what he wants, what he aspires to, and open to him the way how to get it. To make it quite clear, Carnegie gave an example that was adopted by people involved in sales. It is also known as the strawberry and cream principle.
Dale Carnegie said that he loves strawberries and cream, and fish loves worms and grasshoppers, so when he goes fishing with the intention of catching it, he hooks on the hook what the fish loves, not him, that is, the worm, not the strawberry . Otherwise, you won't see the catch.
This means that if we want to please a person and interest him, then we must talk with him on topics that are close to him, and not to us. The subject of his interests can be clarified with the help of leading questions. If we guess right, then we may not have to speak ourselves, but only actively listen will be enough. So we can keep up the conversation even about things in which we are not particularly competent. People like to feel their importance, so we will help them with this.
3. We cultivate tolerance in ourselves
With some interlocutors it is impossible to talk for more than a few minutes, because they recognize only one point of view - their own. And it turns out, as in a joke about instructions for employees: “p. 1. The boss is always right; point 2. If the boss is wrong, see point 1. What kind of exchange of opinions can we talk about if the interlocutor immediately enters into an argument in order to prove his case!
“Do you want to be right or happy?” the sages ask and advise you to shy away from disputes. After all, the more we argue, the more fiercely our interlocutor will defend his opinion, so we won’t prove anything to him anyway. And if we nevertheless prove it by “pinning it to the wall” with iron arguments, then we will feel ourselves “on a horse”, and he will be a fool. And it is unlikely that he will want to continue acquaintance with us.
Outgoing people refrain from categorical judgments. Even if the dispute is fundamental and we are sure that we are right, it is better to show delicacy so as not to put the other in a humiliating position and give him the opportunity to maintain his dignity. We can say something like, "Until recently, I was sure of that too, but yesterday's events have shown me to be wrong."
In addition, we can also be mistaken, and the truth will be somewhere in the middle. Therefore, instead of arguing and dispersing offended, it does not hurt to put yourself in the place of another person and understand his point of view. For example, two people looking at a rectangular table from different sides - straight and side, will have a different opinion about its size. And both of them will be right in their own way. So before judging any subject, it is important to have a complete picture of it.
4. Smile
Each of us will be much more willing to deal with a person on whose face a benevolent smile shines. It is impossible to be sociable and at the same time have a sour face on your face. People instinctively shun those from whom malevolence emanates.
True, some supporters of natural behavior say that sincere unfriendliness is better than an artificial smile on duty. However, we prefer to communicate with smiling people. And so that our own smile does not seem glued, we “put on” it not immediately, but a second after we see the person to whom it is intended.
5. We try to adjust to the mood of the other person.
Communication can be compared to dancing, where you need to get in time with a partner, catch the rhythm of his movement. A sociable person has, allowing him to feel the mood of the interlocutor.
For example, we return from the store, our hands are busy shopping, and we are stopped by a friend with a story about how wonderful he had a vacation. We feel like a squeezed lemon, full of energy. At another time, we would have listened to him with pleasure, but now his animation only causes irritation.
Or we need to finish a report urgently, and a friend is excited about her daughter's upcoming wedding and is trying to tell the details. Different levels of energy, a mismatch of moods can provoke a quarrel, which both parties will later regret.
A sociable person, before choosing a topic and tone of conversation, will make sure whether they correspond to what is now happening in the soul of the person in front of him.
MENSBY
4.9
Sociable people arouse interest and sympathy, unlike closed ones. Outgoing people are more successful, have more friends, have no problems with girls, and are happier. How to stop being closed and become more sociable?
Some of us are shy by nature, while others are very friendly. Most people fall somewhere between "introverts" and "extroverts". No matter what your personality tends to be, it can easily allow social anxiety and a lack of self-confidence to develop that separates you from the people around you. Luckily, you can change your mindset and break out of that shell!
1. Think positively
1.1 Understand the difference between being withdrawn and being shy. There's a difference between being an introvert and someone who's so shy that they can't even talk to anyone at a party. Introversion is a personality trait, it's what makes you happy and comfortable. Shyness is different, it comes from feeling fearful or anxious about interacting with other people. If you can identify whether you are an introvert or just a shy person, then it can help you break your shell.
As a rule, introverts do well when they are alone. They are "charged" by being alone. They enjoy interacting with people, but tend to prefer small groups and quiet gatherings rather than loud, big parties. If you feel happy and content when you are alone, then you may be a typical introvert.
Shyness can make you feel anxious about interacting with other people. Unlike introverts who enjoy being alone, shy people often want to connect more with others but are afraid to do so.
Studies have shown that shyness and introversion have very little in common - in other words, if you are shy, then this does not mean that you are an introvert, and vice versa, if you are an introvert, then this does not mean at all that you "hate people ".
1.2 Turn self-doubt into introspection. When you have the feeling that those around you are scrutinizing you, it is difficult to get out of your shell. But studies show that most of the time we ourselves play the role of our own judges, and others do not even notice those missteps that seem to us disastrous. Learn to examine your actions from the point of view of understanding and acceptance, and not from the point of view of criticism.
Self-doubt comes from feelings of shame and embarrassment. We worry that others judge us as harshly as we judge ourselves for our mistakes and failures.
For example, an insecure person might think, “I can't believe I said that. I looked like a complete idiot." This judgmental thought will do you no good in the future.
A person analyzing his actions may think: “Oh, I completely forgot the name of that person! We need to work out a way for ourselves to better remember names. This thought indicates that you have made some kind of mistake, but do not make it the end of the world. It also shows that you can learn and do things differently in the future.
1.3 Remember that no one looks at you as intently as you yourself. Those people who experience difficulties and cannot get out of their shell often suffer from the thought that others are watching their every move and waiting only for failure. If you are in a society, do you spend all your time tracking every movement of everyone who is in the room with you? Of course not - you are too busy with the things that are important to you. And guess what? Most are doing the same.
“Personalization” is a common cognitive disorder in which useless thinking becomes a habit. Personalization blames you for everything, even things that don't apply to you. This way of thinking can apply to you personally absolutely everything, even if you do not touch it in any way.
Learn to fight personalization by reminding yourself that it's not really about you. A colleague who doesn't wave back to you in a friendly way is not angry with you; she just didn't notice you, or she might have had a hard day, or she might have been busy with other things that you don't even know about. Reminding you that everyone has their own inner world of thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires will help you remember that most people are too busy to spend their time carefully watching you.
1.4 Fight thoughts of self-criticism. Perhaps you are afraid to come out of your shell because of the constant reminder to yourself that everything you do will only spoil the social situation. You can walk away thinking: “I was too quiet”, “The only comment I made was completely idiotic”, or “I think I offended so-and-so ...”. After all, we all make mistakes while in society, but we also act successfully. Instead of going crazy over all the worst things you might or might not have done, focus on the positive. Remind yourself that you were able to make others laugh, how genuinely glad they were to see you, or that you were able to celebrate some important moment.
"Filtering" is another common cognitive disorder. In doing so, you only focus on what went wrong and ignore what went well. This is a natural human trait.
Fight this filtering by focusing your attention on your achievements and being actively aware of what you are doing right. You can get a little notepad to carry around and write down all the good things that happen, no matter how small it may seem to you. You can even create a Twitter or Instagram account to capture those little moments.
When you find yourself mentally focusing on the negative, pull out your list of all the positive things and remind yourself how well you did it all. And what you are not particularly good at yet, you can learn!
Make a list of all the qualities that you are proud of in some way.
Nothing is too "minor" for this list! We often get into the habit of downplaying our own talents and accomplishments (another kind of cognitive impairment), assuming that everything we know isn't that great compared to someone else. But not everyone knows how to play the ukulele, or make the perfect omelet, or get the best deals. You should be proud of everything you can do.
1.6 Imagine your success. Before you get into someone's company, imagine that you walk into a room proudly and hold your head high, everyone around you is genuinely glad to see you, which makes their response to interaction with you positive. You don't have to imagine yourself in the spotlight (in fact, it might be the last thing you dream about!), but you do have to imagine what you want. This will help you achieve what you want.
There are two types of visualization, and you need to use both of them for the best results. With “outcome visualization,” you envision achieving your goal. Close your eyes and imagine how good and pleasant your next social outing will be. Imagine your body movements, words, gestures, as well as the positive reaction of people. Imagine how they smile at you, laugh at your jokes and are sincerely glad to talk with you.
With process visualization, you need to visualize the steps you need to take to reach your goal. For example, hypothetically for the future, what needs to be done to make communication easy and effortless? Prepare a few "secular" topics? Cheer yourself up ahead of time with a few positive reassurances? What actions will increase the likelihood of your success?
Visualization is essentially a psychological rehearsal. It allows you to "practice" a situation before you get into it. You can also identify potential obstacles and come up with ways to overcome them.
Visualization can help you reach your goals because it can actually trick your brain into thinking you've already done well.
2. Develop self-confidence
2.1 Achieve mastery. Another way to develop self-confidence and connect with people more easily is to learn something new. It can be anything from figure skating to a literary description of Italian cuisine. You don't have to be the best in the world at some activity; the most important thing is that you work on it and realize your successes. Mastering something will not only increase your self-confidence, it will also expand the list of topics that you can communicate with others, and it can also help you make new friends in this area.
If you're already good at something, great. Add this to the list of things that make you unique. Don't be afraid to try new things.
Also, learning new skills will help you keep your brain in good shape. When it is constantly loaded with new information and tasks, it becomes more flexible and adaptable, which is great for helping you get out of your shell.
Go to class! Whether it's yoga for beginners or Italian cooking, classes can be a great way to connect with others who are also learning something new. You will be able to see that everyone makes mistakes along the way, and you will even be able to establish relationships with people who are interested in the same things as you.
2.2 Get out of your comfort zone. Staying in your shell can be convenient. You know what you're good at and you never have to do things that scare or make you feel uncomfortable. The bottom line is that being in your comfort zone completely kills creativity and curiosity. Doing things you haven't done before will make you come out of your shell.
Getting out of your comfort zone means that you are aware that there is fear and uncertainty, and if you feel them, then this is normal. You simply must not let these emotions stop you from exploring the world around you. If you take risks even when you are a little afraid, you will realize that it will become easier to do.
Psychologists have found that in order for a person to show more ingenuity, he needs to feel a little anxiety. If people are a little unsure about a situation, they work harder, which leads to higher productivity.
On the other hand, you don't want to try too hard and too often. Too much anxiety will make your brain stop working. So be patient with yourself and only occasionally push yourself a little harder.
This does not mean that you need to go skydiving if you are afraid to look out from the balcony of the second floor. But whether it's salsa, hiking, or making your own sushi, make a promise to yourself that you'll start acting out of your comfort zone.
2.3 Set "easy" goals. One way to slow yourself down in society is to expect immediate perfection. Instead, develop self-confidence by setting challenging but achievable goals. As your self-confidence grows, you will set more challenging goals for yourself.
Try to chat with someone at the meeting. If you imagine that you will find yourself in a situation where you will have to "welcome" and communicate with everyone, especially if you have just begun to get out of your shell, then this may be too much of a task. Instead, plan to hang out with just one person. It's absolutely doable! And when you do this, you can add this achievement to your "shelf of psychological success."
Look at other people who seem shy. You are not the only one in the world who has difficulty overcoming isolation! At the next meeting, look around you and look for someone who is huddled in a corner or feeling uncomfortable. Come and meet. Maybe it will inspire another person to come out of their shell.
2.4 The possibility of making mistakes should be accepted. Not every interaction will go the way you expect. Not everyone will respond well to your attempts at rapprochement. Sometimes what you say will fail. This is fine! Accepting uncertainty and outcomes that aren't what you intended will help you stay open to connecting with others.
Turning failures or difficulties into learning experiences can also help keep you from seeing it (or yourself) as a "failure." When we mistakenly think we're failures, we lose the will to keep trying, so what's the use? Instead, look for what you can learn from each situation, even if it was awkward or didn't go as you hoped.
For example, you could try to meet someone and strike up a conversation at a party, but that person was not interested in the conversation and left. Sad, but you know what? It's not a failure; this is not a real mistake, especially since you had the tenacity and courage to do it. You can also learn something new from such cases, for example, signs that someone is not interested in talking at that moment, and realize that you are not to blame for other people's actions.
When you feel uncomfortable about something, remember that everyone makes mistakes. Maybe you've asked someone how their girlfriend is doing, even though everyone knows that she dumped him a few weeks ago. Maybe you realized that you talk too much about your childhood passions for ferrets. It's all right - we all do it. The important thing is that you failed, but did not give up. Don't let one mistake made in society keep you from trying in the future.
3. Become more sociable
3.1 Position yourself as a friendly person. Showing other people's interest in talking to you is one part of the process of getting a person out of their shell. You may be surprised to hear that people, because you are too shy and afraid to even think that others will give you a positive assessment, think of you as an arrogant or impolite person. This can be changed today. The next time someone comes up to you or starts a conversation, give that person a big smile, stand up straight and square your shoulders, and then ask with keen interest how he or she is doing. If you are used to hiding in your shell, then this will require you to practice, but you can do it.
If you are shy, you can pretend to read a book or bent over your mobile, but this may make people think that you are too busy to communicate with them.
Even if you are shy, you can appear friendly and lively. Even if you don't talk much, nodding, maintaining eye contact, smiling at the right moments, and an overall look that tells you you're pleased with yourself can all work as "active listeners." Being an active listener helps people feel that you are interested and involved in the conversation. If you just back up and study the floor, then people may even forget you are there.
Try to repeat a few key points from the conversation as a basis for your own participation. This will not only show that you are listening, but will also help other people feel understood. For example, if you are listening to someone talk about their trip to India, you might say something like, “That sounds so magical! I've never been to India, but I went to Indiana once."
If you find it difficult to talk about yourself at such moments, then you can use this tactic until you feel more comfortable talking about yourself.
3.2 Ask people open-ended questions. Once you have started a conversation with a person, it is best to ask a few simple questions about him, his plans or the topic that started the conversation. Questions are considered an easier form of social interaction, as you can talk little about yourself, but show your interest and keep the conversation going. You don't need to bombard your interlocutor with questions or look like a detective, which will make him feel embarrassed; just ask a friendly question when there is a pause in the conversation.
Obviously, shy people have a harder time just opening up and talking about themselves. This is a good way to start.
Some examples of open-ended questions are: "Where did you find such an amazing T-shirt?" or “What is your favorite book and why?” or “Where is the place where they make the best coffee?”
3.3 Start talking about yourself. Once you start to feel more comfortable talking to, or even with, your friends, you can gradually open up to them. Of course, we are not talking about the fact that you have to reveal all your innermost secrets from the very beginning, but gradually, little by little, you will start to tell something. Relax. Tell a funny story about one of your teachers. Show people a cute picture of Cupcake, your pet rabbit. If someone talks about their trip to Las Vegas, talk about the ridiculous trip there with your family. The key is baby steps.
You may even begin to open up with words like, “Me too” or “I understand you. One day I…” when people share their experiences.
Even by telling stupid jokes or small details, you will more and more get out of your shell. When people around you show a positive reaction to your words, it will be easier for you to open up more and more.
You don't have to share anything first. Wait for a few more people to do it.
Both complete isolation and excessive talkativeness about oneself may seem impolite. If a person shares a lot of things with you, and you can only answer “Uh-huh ...”, then this person may be offended that you, apparently, are embarrassed to listen to other people. Even "Me too!" helps others feel more connected to you.
Use first names when talking to new people. This will make them feel like they are important to you.
Use hints to start a conversation. If the person is wearing a baseball cap, you might ask them what their favorite team is or how they became a fan of the sport.
You can make a simple statement after the question. For example, you can say: “Imagine, because of the rain, I stayed at home all weekend. Helped my mother with a lot of things. And you? Did you do something more interesting?
3.5 Learn to read people. Reading people is a social skill that will help you have a better conversation and get out of your shell. Catching the state of the interlocutor - whether he is excited and ready to talk, or distracted by something, or just in a bad mood, can help you guess what topic to choose to talk about or not to talk to this person at all at the moment.
It is also important to understand the psychological behavior of the group; Does a group of people understand jokes only within their own and hardly accept strangers, or do people claim something? This can help you figure out how to put yourself with them.
If someone is smiling and walking leisurely with no apparent purpose, then yes, this person will be more inclined to talk to you than those who are nervous, scrolling furiously through text messages on their phone, or walking at a speed of 2 km per minute.
3.6 Focus on the moment. When you talk to people, focus on what is happening: the topic of the conversation, the facial expression of the interlocutor, who is participating in the conversation, and so on. Don't worry about what you said 5 minutes ago or what you'll say in the next 5 minutes when you get a chance to comment. Remember the part of the article about getting rid of self-doubt? Also, this applies not only to your daily thoughts, but especially to your way of thinking while speaking.
If you are too busy caring about everything you have said or will say, then you are likely to pay less attention to the conversation and participate less in it. If you are distracted or nervous, other people may be talking.
If you find yourself really distracted or nervous about a conversation, count your breaths in and out until you get to 10 or 20 (without losing the thread of the conversation, of course!). This will force you to be more aware of the moment and less concerned with other details.
4. Seek acceptance
4.1 Start saying yes and stop making excuses. If you want to get used to getting out of your shell, then it will not be enough to just improve in the social game at the moment. You need to develop the habit of interacting with other people, attending new events and being active in social life. You may say no to all of this out of fear of being in society, because you don't want to feel uncomfortable being around people you don't know, or because you're more comfortable being alone than with others. . Well, as of today, these excuses must stop.
The next time someone asks you for something, ask yourself - are you saying "no" not because of a good reason, but because of fear or laziness? If fear is holding you, then no “no” and go!
You don't have to say "yes" to an offer from a girl you don't know to go to the "bug lovers" club or to agree to absolutely everything that is offered to you. Just make it your goal to say “yes” more often. You can do it.
4.2 Make more invitations. Part of your coming out of your shell is not only accepting the actions of others, but also your own planning. If you want to be seen as more sociable, then you should become someone who occasionally invites people to his place. Even if you're just inviting over pizza and watching Scandal, or inviting a class friend over for coffee, you'll be talked about as a friendly person.
Of course, the fear of rejection may increase again. People may refuse, but it is most likely because they are busy.
Plus, if you invite to your place, then people are likely to invite you to their place in return.
4.3 Understand that you cannot completely change. If you are extremely shy, an introvert, then yes, it is unlikely that in a month you will turn into a talker. Introverts can't truly turn into extroverts, especially in a short amount of time, but they can definitely change their behavior and attitude. Plus, you don't have to be the most extroverted or the friendliest in the class in order to come out of your shell and bring out your best qualities.
So don't be discouraged if you can't bring yourself to start dancing on the tables and charm everyone you see. You may not want this anyway.
4.4 Don't forget to "reload". If you are a typical introvert, then you need time to re-energize after social interaction, or just because. Typical extroverts are energized by other people, while introverts actually expend energy in communication. And if your batteries are dead, then you need recharging, just a few hours to be alone.
While you can tighten up your social schedule, never forget to include "personal time" in it from time to time, even if it seems difficult.
4.5 Find your people. Face the truth. At the end of the day, you may never have been able to crawl out of your shell and become a total stranger. However, as you get more comfortable getting out of your shell, you can find those people who will really be "yours" and make you feel even better. Perhaps it will be a company of 5 of your close friends with whom you really relax, sing like an idiot and dance the Macarena. But this core company can help you become more outgoing in public as well.
Finding your company will help you feel more comfortable, gain confidence and, in the long run, stop being introverted. And what could be better?
4.6 Become stronger than discomfort. If you're having trouble getting out of your shell, it could be because of your habit of leaving the room when you feel uncomfortable. If you find yourself in a social situation where you don't know many people around you, don't actively participate in the situation, or feel out of place, then you can leave, apologizing for your early departure, or simply disappear quietly. Well, no more quitting when things get hard for you - instead, dive into your discomfort and you'll see that it's not as bad as you think.
The more you get used to feeling out of place, the less you'll worry about it later. Just take a deep breath, tell yourself it's not the end of the world, and find a way to strike up a conversation, or just pretend you're having a great time.
People don't recognize you as a person unless they talk to you! If you look pleasant and presentable, then others will be more comfortable next to you! Smile!
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