"Do you love me?" - three simple words that are most often pronounced on the basis of something more than a monosyllabic answer. Behind this question can be frustration, doubt, relationship frustration, and looming problems.
"Do you love me?" - the girl asks her lover again. Three simple words that are most often pronounced with the expectation of something more than a monosyllabic answer. Behind this question can be frustration, doubt, relationship frustration, and looming problems.
"Well, of course!" - he answers. And in his voice there are notes of doubt, irritation, fatigue. Said to brush it off. Or maybe this phrase is the beginning of the end? The last lie for the good? How to return a guy's love and is it possible to return a husband's love - while your common "fire" is not completely extinguished?
If there is an imbalance in the relationship, if you feel like love is leaving your couple, you should not act on a whim, otherwise you will not avoid mistakes. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan allows you to understand how to maintain relationships with your loved one, protect yourself from disappointments, etc.
WHY DOES LOVE INEVITABLY EXTINGUISH?
Love is fleeting - this rule is daily tested in practice by thousands and millions of couples in whose relationship. Such transformations are distinguished by the denouement: someone, due to the fading of feelings, is forced to leave, and someone finds the strength to overcome difficulties and finds a way to return the former brightness and passion to a relationship with a husband or boyfriend.
How to return love to a relationship in which it has almost died out?
We used to think that only love can justify the existence of a couple. But in order for the union to live longer, it is worth changing your view of this feeling.
The article was written based on the training materials “ System-vector psychology»It is difficult to describe in words the happiness experienced by a person who knows mutual love. But, at times, situations arise that put us in front of a difficult, bitter question: "How to return love if it happened that" he fell in love with another ", or in your relationship the feeling of love has practically disappeared ...? If you look at this problem objectively, it applies to both men and women. And… alas… it happens quite often that you love him, and he is different, he is you, and you are no longer. Let's consider the most important points that relate to two similar situations.
Asking the question of how to return your love, you need to understand that there are no accidents in the life of every person. And everything that happens has its causes, effects and consequences. Whatever happens to you - good or bad - is entirely due to your attitude to life, to another person, the current situation and, of course, to your past. If you are looking for a solution to the problem of how to return passionate love, and accuse your loved one of betrayal, look at yourself: what have you done.
Surely it is more difficult to understand yourself than to transgress towards condemnation. After all, a person is selfish and proud, which means that he practically cannot consider himself guilty or bad. But often we ourselves are not aware of our wrongdoings. They seem to be blocked in our consciousness and do not allow us to admit our mistakes. And here's the paradox: how can you return tender love and its magical mood, if you yourself have turned from a romantic lady into an envious bitch ...
How to get your husband's love back
Consider a situation in which your husband left for another or simply stopped paying the same attention to you, there is no passion in his eyes and awe in his soul. ... To return the love of his beloved becomes the number one goal. What to do?
- Primary task: analyze the current situation from a different angle. Perhaps you were wrong and did not fulfill your duties and relationships in front of your soul mate, or you simply stopped arranging your betrothed with your character, principles, addictions. Perhaps the situation is not worth a damn, and a new candidate will help you return love? After all, true love is not the attachment of an egoist who is able to love you only for this or that. Love is when you accept a person as he is, with all his shortcomings and merits;
- If after sensible you are firmly decided to return the love of your life, think, maybe you did not let your spouse feel loved, happy, or just needed. It so happens that a woman “pulls the blanket over herself” and assumes all responsibilities around the house, manages finances, she has the last word. With such a spouse, any man will not be comfortable;
- If you find it difficult to understand yourself on your own, find out the point of view of your close friends or relatives, consult a psychologist and try to analyze your situation without addiction.
Can love be returned
If you find the reason for your breakup, feel free to tackle the problem of returning love (however, do this only if your feelings are sincere). Love can and should be returned if bright feelings are mutual. Otherwise, make new acquaintances and loved ones. After all, it is not at all excluded that your beloved has already managed to plunge into the whirlwind of a new feeling. However, you can try. It is possible that this new hobby is just an attempt to distract yourself, a desire to hurt you, or just a rash act.
How to return the love of an ex
- To return the feelings of your ex-boyfriend or spouse, continue to communicate softly and gently with him, but do not go too far. To the maximum, part with your selfishness and get rid of mental waste and resentment. It is not possible to return love by melting negativity in the soul;
- In a relationship with an ex-boyfriend, try to keep track of all the moments where you were not happy, and then weigh whether your happiness is worth such sacrifices. Maybe it’s worth somehow rehabilitating yourself in the eyes of your beloved and trying to improve relations, and only your conscience will tell you how;
- As soon as possible, try to alleviate the situation and sort out conflicts at the micro level. Do this until all your claims are sorted out to the smallest detail. It may be easier to return love than you think!
- Start working with beliefs about your loved one and your relationship with him. Work through all beliefs about your mutual feelings. Perhaps, in order to avoid a new break, you should reconsider some points;
- How to return love by erasing boundaries and what is it? It is possible that in your relationship there are prejudices and clear boundaries of what is permissible. Take it easy. Don't miss out on top priorities by getting lost in the little things.
There are cheat sheets for life exams. You need to know and use them as often as possible, because there is nothing ideal in the world, and we are not ideal either. And it is quite possible that our cheat sheets will help you in your life exam, which is the need to return feelings and find happiness.
In a relationship between a man and a woman, there comes a moment when it seems to you that love has disappeared or that you have outlived it. Most often, such thoughts come when you start to constantly quarrel and eventually become disappointed in your partner. This usually happens during a crisis in relations, the very first of which occurs after about three years. After this time, people have already got used to each other, they have learned all the shortcomings that suddenly become terribly annoying. But this does not mean that there is no love, it means that an oversaturation of ordinary common everyday life has come, and it is gradually leaving. So, can love be returned?
Remember how it all began, how happy you were to spend every day together, how easy it was to communicate. When you look at people in love, you see their boundless happiness and you think that it simply cannot end. However, time passes and everything changes. But love does not go away overnight, so there is always a chance to return everything. The main thing is not to be fooled. If you really love and there is no benefit or habit behind it, then only then can you start the relationship from scratch. Reconsider your views on your partner, try to understand what annoys you and why. The time spent apart will be beneficial, as you get bored, it will come to the understanding that you cannot live without each other.
Be sure to speak! Talk to each other about everything, constantly discuss your relationship. Inaccuracies very often lead to scandals in which you express your claims very harshly, when you could just calmly explain everything. Have fun. Go to various places where you will have fun, and be sure to chat with friends, otherwise you will get tired of each other again. Try to get your partner interested again. Change the style, sign up for courses, arrange a romantic dinner and every day, getting out of bed just say: "Good morning, darling!"
And, in the end, think, perhaps, love has not disappeared at all in your relationship, but they are simply reaching a new level. After all, we girls tend to exaggerate. If there is no past passion, you have become less likely to make love, and you are no longer shivering from his touch, but you still feel respect, trust and tenderness for him, then it’s just that falling in love has turned into love. What is the difference? Falling in love is governed by passion and desire, and love is inherent in more sublime feelings, such as caring, affection and excitement. Weigh all the pros and cons, it may turn out that you should not think about whether it is possible to return love.
If your attempts are unsuccessful, there is no need to beat yourself up or your partner for it. Perhaps fate gives you a chance to meet your soul mate and never part with her again. Don't get depressed, the habit will pass, and life doesn't end there. Well, if it becomes completely sad, then remember the very motivating words of Gabriel García Márquez: “If you love, let go. If it's yours, it will come back to you. If he doesn’t come back, then it’s never been yours. ”
I highly recommend reading the next book. Lots of positive reviews.
The question of how to return the love of her husband is asked by many women when any doubts about the strength of their family relations creep into their heads.
Only when some unusual changes begin in the relationship between spouses, does a woman begin to worry and think that she, too, must certainly be returned. Psychologists give fairly universal advice on this matter.
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Can be returned, yes. But it's difficult.
Psychologists believe that our habits depend on the internal state. For a woman, the most important thing sometimes becomes her husband, home, family, work, kitchen - everything except herself. Roughly speaking, she herself ceases to love herself. If there is no love for you, then there will be nowhere to take love from the outside. Without self-love, a husband's love cannot be returned. Attention! Love and egocentrism are different things, do not confuse them.
Psychologists also point to the other extreme. When the wife is perfect. The legs are always perfectly shaved, the styling is always perfectly neat, the dress is always perfectly ironed. For whom? Psychologists believe that about 8/10 women try so hard for the sake of men and their attention. Not for yourself, but for another. Again: is it possible to return a man's love when you do not love yourself in any way? It seems to be different things, but the outcome is the same.
Much more difficult is the question of how to return the husband's love ,. It would seem that the situation has changed radically - here he already went to another woman and now it seems like his love belongs to her, everything cannot be returned. But no! Psychologists believe that this is just the next stage of an existing problem, that it is just a matter of time.
You are the key to regaining your husband's respect and love. According to the opinions of many psychologists, the main thing is to return self-interest to oneself, and then the husband's love will return.
How to get your husband's attention and love back?
Do you love your husband yourself? This is not about caring and guardianship, but about love.
It is illogical to deliberately think about how to return the attention and love of her husband, if she herself does not have such feelings. And no, it is impossible that "but let him take steps first, he's a man." Psychologists say that you are responsible only for yourself, therefore, if you really want to return your husband's love, you should consider in him a person, a person, and love this person. And you can't return what was not there, especially love.
So, how to return the love of a husband to his wife? Psychologists believe that in order to return love, sometimes it is enough to analyze the following aspects:
- self-perception;
- self-development;
- your behavior towards your husband.
Psychologists also note that this list is hierarchical - from the first comes the second, from the second - the third.
Self-perception
Think that there is you for you. How do you perceive yourself. Why are you.
Psychologists use these three key questions to determine a woman's self-esteem, her love for herself. Therefore, psychologists advise using a very simple test. Take a piece of paper and write 5-10 points for each such question.
What / who are you?
Pay attention to the exact words you used to describe yourself - they will indicate your priorities.
If you first of all wrote that you are a woman, then your gender is fundamental for you. It is quite possible that you are arguing with this many of your own and others' actions. Such people tend to share housework, occupation, mindset, etc. into female and male.
Think, do you have any gender bias? Was it not such that someone imposed their own concept of a woman on you, putting it in the foreground, and you did not have enough willpower / desire to bend your line?
If you have noted yourself as a person with a specific occupation ("artist", "teacher", "ballerina", "scientist"), your emphasis is more on realizing your potential. Think, are you sacrificing something very important for the sake of the business that you have chosen for yourself as the main one?
Going forward in your business is great, but psychologists believe that everything should be in moderation. Love cannot be returned if there is no time for it.
Doesn't it happen when you brush aside your needs and loved ones in order to complete a project or task?
Psychologists believe that if a woman chooses a pretentious answer to this question ("goddess", "work of art", "perfection", "True Woman", etc.), there are clear demonstrative or hysterical elements in her behavior. Such ladies are prone to theatrical reaction to many events, as well as manipulation. As psychologists note, it is quite problematic to return love with such a "show".
What are you?
These descriptions, according to psychologists, also speak very eloquently about your self-esteem.
If you described more external data ("tall", "beautiful", "blonde", "large"), psychologists may come to the conclusion that:
- you are a visual - you get most of the information with the help of a visual analyzer;
- the attractiveness of your partner is really important to you;
- when conquering someone, you place more bets on your appearance.
Women who described some of their functional characteristics ("hardworking", "quick", "hardy") are characterized by psychologists as pragmatic. They:
- prefer the practice of theory;
- perceive dreamy people as an inferior and infantile class;
- they do not like typical gifts with a taste of candy romance - banal, stupid and boring.
According to psychologists, the ladies who most of all described their own emotional component ("cheerful", "irritable", "harmonious") are characterized by:
- good intuition and empathy;
- the predominance of sensory perception over intellectual;
- focus on your perception of situations;
- kinesthetic type of the representational system - they receive information using tactile sensations.
If you described personal, including strong-willed character traits ("purposeful", "decisive", "diligent"), then, according to psychologists, you tend to:
- independence and self-sufficiency;
- selfishness;
- work for the result.
Why are you?
The answer to this question, according to the opinion of practicing psychologists, helps to determine the goals and priorities. You wrote what you need to realize yourself in. Someone wants to become a professional in a certain field, someone wants to raise brilliant children, for some it is more important to create a world-class masterpiece or make a shocking discovery. Someone just wants love.
A very important detail: if you have a clear preponderance towards life for the sake of someone / something, pull yourself together!
Psychologists do not get tired of repeating that the renunciation of one's own "I", of one's nature, testifies to the lack of love for oneself as a person. This leads to negative changes in many relationships, including love.
Self-development
Remember the last time you tried to master something. And not just to master, but to master for yourself. Not for beauty, not for status or a partner, but in order to grow in your own eyes and learn something.
Psychologists believe that if you don't remember, or if you stopped your personal growth because of some nonsense, problems will begin to creep out on every front. If you do not develop on your own, love cannot be returned.
Behavior
According to psychologists, the most frequent pathological behavior in the family is the infantility of one person + the custody of the other. Pairs "son-mother" or "father-daughter" are formed. Psychologists see this as a codependent relationship, initially doomed to failure.
For “son-mother” couples, the childish irresponsible behavior of the husband-son is typical, which is accompanied by the all-forgiving concern of the wife-mother. These husbands are characterized by:
- demand for attention, company;
- inability to make a decision on your own;
- an indication that someone owes something to someone;
- manipulations to get what you want.
- eternal craving to do something for her husband;
- obsession;
- a tendency to be offended;
- appeal to conscience.
Father-daughter pairs are characterized by the opposite distribution of roles. The husband-father takes over the role of the wife, and the wife-daughter remains a sweet princess with a Barbie doll. These husbands tend to:
- the desire to educate, scold his wife;
- control over the activities of the wife;
- emphasizing the wife's dependence on him.
The wives of this couple are characterized by the following:
- the tendency to be capricious;
- irresponsibility;
- demanding abstract care and understanding.
How to rekindle old passion in a relationship?
That is, there was passion, but due to some reason it began to decline. The beauty of this is that you already have that experience that can tell you how to return your husband's former love.
Before wondering how to rekindle passion and return your husband's love, remember when you truly wanted sex.
And if you think for yourself and develop for yourself, as well as have sex purely for your own pleasure, you will no longer care about how to regain your former passion. And a man's love will flare up even more if he feels that you are enjoying the process itself, and not your own false selflessness "for the good of others." This “for good” destroys families, and it is often impossible to return love.
A separate group includes wives who have sex with their husbands solely for his pleasure. The couple is having sex, not the husband! The husband will receive his own in 97% of the outcome! Think about yourself!
So how to get passion back into your relationship with your husband? Practicing psychologists believe that one should:
- to rethink your attitude towards your husband as a person - appearance by appearance, and excitement, like love, arises in the brain (where it needs to be returned), and not in the genitals;
- and your attractiveness - if you walk around the house stooped, with dirty hair and in a shabby dressing gown, then it is not surprising that it is somewhat difficult to return your husband's enthusiasm towards you;
- overcome shyness and social inhibitions by discussing the issue of sex with your husband - who else to discuss this with, if not with him?
- love experiments and their use in your daily life - diversity will be a manifestation of your interest in this area, so it will be easier to return passion and love;
- pay attention to your own feelings during lovemaking and do not get hung up on returning passion and pleasing your husband - sex for two.
More pragmatic advice from psychologists and psychotherapists on how to return the husband's passion and love is as follows:
- Learn to undress beautifully and gracefully - this is very exciting for about 40% of men.
- About 60% of men love elegant lace lingerie on their wives - buy several sets for different occasions to bring the spice back to your intimacy.
- Do not be afraid to signal that you feel good: if you want to moan, moan, if you want to breathe, breathe. Don't hold yourself back. It is important for a man to clearly record your positive reaction to his activity.
- Remember that 65% of men prefer alternating between traditional sex and oral sex.
- There are very few psychics among men. In order for him to understand your desires, it would be best to direct your husband's hand to the right place. In some cases, you can just say, but most men prefer the first option.
- Be dynamic - the Puritan days are long gone and you don't have to stay in a stable supine position in a long nightgown.
- Accustom yourself to arch your back. It is beautiful.
How to stir up interest in yourself after the birth of a child?
It should be remembered that within 1 month after the birth of the baby, not only psychologists, but also gynecologists recommend refraining from making love. Psychologists pay attention to the fact that this time is the phase of adaptation of the husband and wife to the appearance of the baby, therefore the sensual part of their life together fades into the background.
During the period of breastfeeding, psychologists note such a nuance: if earlier the breast was an object of decoration and pleasure for a man, now it does not belong to him, and past priorities cannot be returned. And on an instinctive level, the husband understands this.
The period of the first year after the birth of a child, according to psychologists, is a test for empathy and family strength. Then, normally, sexual relations with her husband should be balanced and move to another level, and there is no need to artificially return them. Of course, love doesn't go anywhere.
It happens that the attitude of a husband to his wife after the birth of a child changes significantly.
This is often seen in:
- couples who have lived together for a long time without a child (more than 3 years);
- couples who got married because of pregnancy;
- families where a child with health problems is born.
The new responsibility is both obliging and frightening at the same time, therefore, after giving birth, many wives face the question of how to return passion to a relationship with a husband after the birth of a child.
Actually, how to return passion to the relationship between husband and wife if another small family member has appeared? Psychologists advise the following:
- Deal with your self-esteem. She must be returned! Yes, you have a child now, but you have not stopped being a man, you have not stopped being a woman who has a beloved husband. Remember this.
- To clarify with your husband all these subtle nuances of your relationship - without this, well, in general, there is no way to return love.
- If suddenly you both have a fear that another cute screaming creature will appear at home, and then again and again, the solution is very banal and simple: use contraceptives.
- Learn to rest. Sometimes there is not enough physical strength to make love, so there is not even a desire to return passion.
How to return love to your husband?
And yet, how to return the love of a husband to his wife? Psychologist's advice, as a rule, is based on a specific situation and is developed specifically, taking into account many factors. But any experienced psychologist will tell you that analyzing the aforementioned personality aspects can help bring feelings back. What should be done, according to psychologists, based on the findings, to return the spouse's love?
If you find new topics for thought when analyzing yourself, you should tackle this closely:
- Do not tie any traits or antics to generally accepted labels, because a man leaves for another not because he is a man, but because he also lacks something.
- Find a balance between all areas in which you are involved (family, love, work, education, creativity), and make sure that there is no strong preponderance in one direction.
- Watch your reaction to the usual conversations with your husband: if something causes melancholy, irritation, or some other kind of negative emotion, you should think about the reason that hurts you.
- Learn to respect other people's opinions: you and your husband may have different positions on the same issues, this is normal.
- Set your priorities in such a way that you can pay attention to yourself and interact with your husband - so that there is time for what you really want to return.
- If you get confused, do not be afraid to contact a psychologist or psychotherapist.
Start doing yourself for yourself, not for others:
- Find the activity that suits you, and not fashion / girlfriends / husband, etc .;
- Stop using lack of time and money as an excuse.
When analyzing your own behavior with your husband, in order to return his love, you should:
- Break out of the vicious circle of "boss-subordinate" ("son-mother", "father-daughter") and behave like a person who respects other people's boundaries and interests (if it's really hard with this, an experienced practicing psychologist will help you "return yourself") ...
- Get rid of addiction in a relationship with your husband - you are different people who have made a strong-willed decision to develop together.
- Learn to be self-reliant.
- Letting the husband go, if he needs it - to work, to some events, from home. He is also a person, like you, who has the right to dispose of himself.
There is no one-size-fits-all way. The advice of psychologists flashed like red threads at every point. It is noteworthy that an adequate psychologist will not recommend manipulating a man and forcing him to do something. Psychologists believe that before thinking about how to return love to her husband, the wife should engage in her own self-esteem and self-development.
In addition to the step-by-step analysis methods described above, psychologists recommend using tests based on archetypes and intuitive perception - pictures. Psychologists pay attention to different elements of the picture, each of which denotes a particular area of your perception.
A popular test that determines the emotional state of a person is the test "Non-existent animal". Colored pencils should be used to ensure that the test is interpreted as accurately as possible. For a correct understanding of the results of this test, the help of an experienced psychologist or psychotherapist is needed, who will assess the general emotional background of the client, his tendencies, and can also diagnose some changes and accents in sexual behavior.
A similar test is "Lamb in a Bottle", which helps the psychologist to determine the client's attitude to the external environment, to society, to love.
In some situations, a psychologist may not give a general answer, but one that suits your situation. But then the psychologist needs to understand your relationship, which is not done on the Internet.
Useful video
Psychologists advise you to first decide what you want to return. If you are sure that your relationship is fading away, and really want to return and keep love, then the game is worth the candle. So, how to return the former passion and love of your husband:
Conclusion
- Psychologists believe that you can return your husband's love by analyzing your behavior, as well as by changing your attitude towards yourself. You can analyze both independently and with the help of some tests, which a psychologist will help to interpret.
- Most psychologists advise to have a frank conversation with her husband, which would dot all the i's.
- It is necessary to engage in self-development - this is partly the answer to the question of how to return love. And the husband's interest in this way will be directed to you, as well as attraction.
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