Told:

The man went to hell. There are cauldrons, frying pans, devils around...

The man went to hell. There are cauldrons, frying pans around, devils raising sinners - in general, everything is as it should be... The local metro d'hotel (in the sense of a devil-manager) comes up to him and says:
- Well, man, choose a cauldron or a frying pan and join the “process”!
“It’s scary here,” the man replies, “can I go and have a look and pick out something for myself?”
“Come on, look, choose,” the devil allows.
The guy walked around and looked at the same thing everywhere. I was completely desperate. Suddenly a birch grove looks in the distance. He came closer and looked in the grove... a beer stall and people around sipping beer. Man there.
- Can I have a beer? - so timidly.
- Take a mug, no problem!
Stands, drinks beer, looks around. It’s amazing - the devils don’t touch, it’s cool... Grace. Looks, a dried fish has appeared. The man became bolder:
- I would like a ponytail...
- No problem!
The man felt very good. The beer sips, but it doesn’t decrease, and so does the fish. Beauty... Well, he pushes his neighbor in the side and asks:
- Listen, is there HELL there?! - and points towards the boilers.
- HELL!
- And here??!
- And here!
- What's the difference???
- There for those who believe in this garbage, and here for everyone else.

• rPRBDBEF NHTSYL ABOUT FPF UCHEF Y CHUFTEYUBEF EZP YETF:
  - OH UP, NHTSYL, CH BD FSH RPRBM. fPMSHLP FSH OE RETETSYCHBK UYMSHOP. x OBU FHF OE FBL HC Y RMPIP! CHPF FSCH CH TSIYOY LHTYM?
  NHTSYL PRKHULBEF ZMBEB:
  - dB, LHTYM.
  — OH OBYUIF, RP RPOEDEMSHOILBN DMS FEVS VKhDEF RTBDOIL. bFP KH OBU DEOSH LHTEOYS. chShchVPT - PZTPNOSHCHK, PF FTHVLY Y NBIPTLY DP DPTPZYI UYZBT Y LBMSHSOB. lHTYN CHEUSH RPOEDEMSHOIL, DP RPЪDOEK OPYUY. th BUFNB Y TBL OE UFTBIOSCH - FSH CHEDSH HTSE FUCK! b CHSHCHRYFSH FSH MAVYM?
  nHTSYL PRKHULBEF ZPMPCHH:
  — oE VEЪ bFPZP.
  - x-x! fPZDB ZPFPCHSHUS L RTBDOILBN RP CHFPTOILBN! nsch RSHEN CHEUSH DEOSH, U UBNPZP KhFTB, PF RYCHB Y MEZLYI CHYO DP UBNSCHI LTERLYY OBRYFLPCH: UBNPZPOB Y URYTFB. th RMECHBFSH ABOUT REYUEOSH: FSC CHEDSH KHTSHNET! b LBL OBUUEF OBTLPYLPCH?
  - dB, VSHCHBMP!
  - YuFP Ts, RPCHUEMYYYSHUS RP UTEDBN! x OBU LFP DEOSH OBTLPFYLPCH, PF UBNSCHI MEZLYI, DP ZETPYOB Y FSCEMPK UYOFEFYLY. iPYUEYSH - LPMYUSH, IPUEYSH - LHTY, Y OE VPKUS OH MPNLY, OH RETEDPJB, OH NEOFPCH - FSC CHEDSH HTSE HET! b U CEOEYOBNY?
  nHTSYL PCYCHMSEFUS:
  - b LBL CE!
  - fPZDB PFPTCHEYSHUS RP YUEFCHETZBN! lFP KH OBU DEOSH RPCHBMSHOPZP seLsB. DEMP CH FPN, YUFP TSEEOEYO CH BDH CH 10 TB VPMSHYE, YUEN NHTSYUYO, YH FEVS VHDEF UKHRETCHSHCHVPT! b P UYZHYMYUE FBN CHUSLPN DBTSE OE CHURPNYOBK - FSH CHEDSH KHTSE HNET! b U NHTSYLBNY FSH LBL?
  nHTSYL CHULIDSHCHBEFUS:
  - oEF, ChSchUFP!
  - nDB-UUU... chPF RP RSFOIGBN FEVE KH OBU OE RPOTBCHYFUS!
  

  bOELDPFSH RP FENE:

  rPRBDBEF NHTSYL ABOUT FPF UCHEF Y CHUFTEYUBEF EZP YuETF

  • rPRBDBEF NHTSYL ABOUT FPF UCHEF Y CHUFTEYUBEF EZP YETF: - OH YFP, NHTSYL, CH BD FSCH RPRBM. fPMSHLP FSH OE RETETSYCHBK UYMSHOP. x OBU FHF OE FBL HC Y RMPIP! ChPF FSH...
  • rPRBDBEF NHTSYL ABOUT FPF UCHEF Y CHUFTEYUBEF EZP YETF:- OH YFP, NHTSYL, CH BD FSCH RPRBM. fPMSHLP FSH OE RETETSYCHBK UYMSHOP. x OBU FHF OE FBL HC Y RMPIP! CHPF FSCH CH TSYYOY...
  • rPRBDBEF NHTSYL ABOUT FPF UCHEF Y CHUFTEYUBEF EZP YETF: - OH YFP, NHTSYL, CH BD FSCH RPRBM. fPMSHLP FSH OE RETETSYCHBK UYMSHOP. x OBU FHF OE FBL HC Y RMPIP! CHPF FSCH CH TSYYOY...
  • uFHDEOF 20 U OEVPMSHYYN MEF RPRBM RPD BCHFPVKHU, Y - OBUNETFSH. pYOOKHMUS ABOUT FPN UCHEF. h LTEUME OBRTPFYCH KHCHYDEM LPZP-FP, RPIPTSESP ABOUT YUEMPCHELB, OP UCHEFSEEZPUS YY...
  • uFHDEOF 20 U OEVPMSHYYN MEF RPRBM RPD BCHFPVKHU, Y - OBUNETFSH. pYOOKHMUS ABOUT FPN UCHEF. h LTEUME OBRTPFYCH KHCHYDEM LPZP-FP, RPIPTSESP ABOUT YUEMPCHELB, OP UCHEFSEEZPUS YY...
  • NHTSYL, IPTPYP RPPVEDBCH CH TEUFPTBOE, TBUYUYFSHCHBEFUS. KHOSHMPZP CHYDB PZHYYBOF, OEDPMZP DKHNBS, OBSCHCHBEF UKHNNH: - CHBU has 25 YELEMEK. oh ZHYZB UEVE LBL DEYECHP,...
  • - fPMS, UMSHCHYYYSH, S ЪDEUSH RTYDKHNBM, LBL FSTSEMSCHE DOY RETETSYFSH, IPUYYSH, TBUULBTSH? — dBCHBK, YOFETEWOP! - NSH FERETSH U TSEOPK CH NBZBYO YUETE...
  rTYUMBFSH OBN UCHPK BOELDPF

  rPRHMSTOSCH BOELDPFSCH

  1. pVYAELFYCHOBS TEBMSHOPUFSH LFP YMMAYS, CHSHCHBOOBS PFUHFUFCHYEN BMLPZPMS CH NPIZE.
  2. DOECHOIL DPNPCHPZP (OPChBS FEFTBDSH).
     4 PLFSVTS.
     chPF Y DPTsDBMYUSH. rTYEIBMB NBNB IPSKLY. CHUFTEYUBM ITS IMEVPN-UPMSHA. fP EUFSH LTPYLBNY ABOUT LTPCHBFY Y UPMSA CH YUBE. oE MAWMA ZPUFEK. lPF ULBBM NOE, YuFP S - UPGYPZhPV. oE URPTA.
     5 PLFSVTS.
     iBIBMSH CH ZYRUE RTYIPDIM OBLPNYFSHUS AT NBNPK. fBLPK OBZMPUFY OE CHSHCHDETTSBM DBTSE FPMETBOFOSHCHK LPF. CHUE FBLY OBUUBM. h VPFYOPL. h RTBCHSHCHK.
     6 PLFSVTS.
     LPF PFICHBFYM Y PF IPЪSKLY Y PF ІІОБИДШ ъБИБТПЧШШЧ - ИЭ НБНШЧ. iBIBMSH CHPDETTSBMUS. lPF RETEOEU CHUE ZETPYUEULY. rPFPN URTBYCHBM X NEOS - RPIPTS MY ON ABOUT TsBOOH dBTL. pFLHDB ON RTP OEE OBEF?
     7 PLFSVTS.
     yZTBMY U LPFPN CH ZHHFVPM RTPPVLPK PF YBNRBOULPZP. ъІОБИДБ ъБИБТПЧOB OBУФХРИМБ О ОПЭ ІХМЭФЭМБ МВПН RTSNP CH YLBZH. FERETSH COMMON ITS YOEDYOPN YYDBOPN. ъB ZMBЪB, LPOYUOP CE.
     8 PLFSVTS.
     iPSKLB TsBMPCHBMBUSH yYDBOH ABOUT NEOS. POB PFCHEFYMB, YuFP LFP CHUE VTED Y KHVTBMB NPA YUBYLKH U NPMPLPN. bFP ChPKOB. lBTZHBZEO DPMTSEO VSHFSH TBTHYEO.
     9 PLFSVTS.
     ABOUT LUFTEOOPN BUEDBOYY, LPF PVYASCHYM UEVS OEKFTBMYFEFPN. rTEDBFEMSH! oYUESP, UBN URTBCHMAUSH.
     10 PLFSVTS.
     oPYUSHA DKHYM VBVLH. iPFSH VSC IOSCH! FERETSH POB EEE Y ITBRIF, LBL UYCHSHCHK NETYO!
     11 PLFSVTS.
     UEZPDOS CH DCHB YUBUB OPYUY, IP'SKLB Y VBVLB UFPMLOHMYUSH MVBNY X IMPPDYMSHOILB. CHUFTEYUB LYYLPVMHDPCH ABOUT UMSHVE, VMYO!
     12 PLFSVTS.
     chPECHBFSH OEF OBUFTPEOYS. CHEUSH DEOSH CHBMSMUS ABOUT LTPCHBFY U VBVLPK, UNPFTEM 27 UEPO "rPME YUKHDEU" ABOUT DVD. tCBM HER LPNNEOPPH.
     14 PLFSVTS.
     TBUUHTSDBMY U LPFPN P FEPTYY UFTHO. UPYMYUSH ABOUT FPN, UFP ABOUT YEUFYUFTHOLE UMBVBFSH "chPUSHNYLMBUUOYGH" ZPTBJDP RTPEE.
     15 PLFSVTS.
     CHLMAYUYUMY PFPRMEOYE. oBLPOEG-FP! LPF DKHNBEF, YuFP ZHYMSHN "vBFBTEY RPTPUSF PZOS" P TBVPFOILBI tsli.
     16 PLFSVTS.
     ULBBM LPFKH, YuFP EUMY ЪBMEЪFSH ABOUT PVEDEOOOSCHK UFPM, FP LFYN ON KHFCHETDYF UCHPE MYDETUFCHP CH LCHBTFYTE. FPF DPMZP UPNOECHBMUS, OP RPME. iPSKLB RPSCHYMBUSH LBL CHUEZDB CHOEBROP. rTPMEFBS NYNP NEOS, BY KHUREM PVP'CHBFSH NEOS ZPCHOPN. dChB TBBB.
     17 PLFSVTS.
     oPYUSHA YERFBM VBVLE ABOUT HIP, UFP EC RPTB DPNPC. POB CHUFBMB Y RPIMB TsTBFSH REMSHNEOY. tseoeyoshch... oylblpk mpzyl...
     18 PLFSVTS.
     lPF TEYM VTPUIFSH EUFSH kitEkBt. iPDYF ЪMPK, OETCHOSCHK. oPIUSHA RSFSH TB IPDYM ABOUT VBMLPO, FYRB CH FHBMEF. KitEkBt "PN OUEEF ЪB CHETUFKH. UPTCBMUS, OP RTDDPMTsBEF KHFCHETTSDBFSH, YuFP NPTsEF VTPUYFSH H MAVPK NPNEOF. b OE VTPUBEF, RPFPNH YuFP LFP EZP KHURPLBYCHBEF.
     19 PLFSVTS.
     lBCEPHUS, VBVLB UPVYTBEFUS DPNPC. UMBCHB RTHOH!
     20 PLFSVTS.
     hUFTPYMY VBVLE RTPCHPDSH. lPF OBUTBM (!) EK CH ZBMPYY. chYDBFSH, POB EZP FPCE DPUFBMB. vBVLB OE ЪBNEFYMB, FBL Y RPFPRBMB. aboutBKHYUM LPFB NPUYFSH LTBVB. dPUFPKOSCHK RPUFKHRPL. rTPEBK, YOEDYO! fsch OBCHUEZDB PUFBOEYSHUS CH OBIYI UETDGBI! NSH ЪBRPNOYN FEVS FBLPK - CH ZBMPYBI, RPMOSH ZCHOB...
     22 PLFSVTS.
     xTPOYM ABOUT IPSKLH YLPOH. NPS NYULB CHETOKHMBUSH ABOUT NEUFP. LBCEPHUS, NSCH OBYUBEN OBIPDIFSH PVEIK SJSHL.
     23 PLFSVTS.
     ULBBBM LPPH, YuFP LPZFY MHYUYE CHUEZP FPYUBFUS P NSZLHA NEVEMSH. FERETSH UYDYF CH ЪBRETFPK LMBDPCHLE Y PTEF NBFETOSCHE YUBUFKHYLY P dPNPCHSHI. LUFBFY, OELPFPTSHCHE PUEOSH DBCE OYUEZP.
     24 PLFSVTS.
     iBIBMA UOSMY ZYRU. rTYIPDIM UEZPDOS. YYHYUBA BOBFPNYA. rYYKhF, YuFP PUEOSH MEZLP MPNBEFUS LMAYUYGB. ABOUT OEK Y PUFBOPCHYNUS.
     25 PLFSVTS.
     iPSKLB IPUEF ЪBCHEUFY UPVBLKH. LPF UUSCHF PE CHUEI UNSHCHUMBI Y KHZMBI. rPUNPFTYN, LFP LPZP...
     29 PLFSVTS.
     ъBChFTB DPMTSOSCH RTYCHEFY UPVBLKH. lPF RPUFPSOOP KHNSCHCHBEFUS Y DEMBEF CHYD, YuFP ENKH RP ZHYZKH. b UBN CHYUETB HVYTBMUS Ch LMBDPCHLE Y HYUMUS ЪBLTSCHBFSH ЪB UPVPK DCHETSH.
     30 PLFSVTS.
     pK... fPMSHLP RPTTSBMUS! RIP HER. OE ЪOBA LBLPK RPTPDSH, OP YЪ LFYI... LPFPTSCHN, YUFPVSH YBZ UDEMBFSH, OHTSOP YOUKHMSHF RETETSYFSH. lBTNBOOSHK REU! lUFBFY, LPF UYDYF CH LMBDPCHLE Y LTYUYF PFFHDB: "Oh YUFP FBN?" ULBBBM ENKH, YuFP RTYCHEMY CHPMLPDBCHB. fPF PFCHEFIM NOE, YuFP RPLB EEE ЪBOSF, NOPZP TBVPFSCH Y OPUECHBFSH VHDEF CH LMBDPCHLE. b ZPMPUPL FP DTPTSYF...
     31 PLFSVTS.
     ъOBLPNYMUS IN iBMLPN. bFP FBL ЪПЧХФ bФПЗП ОЭНПЭОПЗП. rPLB ЪDPTPCHBMUS U OIN, FPF RBTH TBЪ PVDEMBMUS RPD UEVS. iPSKLB OBSCHCHBEF EZP rHUYLPN Y OE MHRYF. lBL FP DBCE ЪB LPFB PVYDOP...
     1 OPSVTS.
     ibMMPHYO. OE PFNEYUBA RTYOGYRYBMSHOP. OE COMMON LFP FEEL. b ChPF IPЪSKLB PVCHEYBMBUSH YUEUOPLPN Y IPDF U LTEUFPN RP LCHBTFYTE. nPTsEF VSHFSH, S RTPUFP ZTPNLP YZTBM ABOUT VBMBMBCKLE?
     2 OPSVTS.
     OPIUSHA CHECKING LPF. OH LBL CHCHYEM. . hShchrpm. RETEDCHYZBEFUS RP LCHBTFYTE LTBKOE NEDMEOOOP. NOE ZPCHPTYF, YuFP RTPUFP ENKH OELKHDB UREYYFSH, YuFP ON KHUFBM RPUME KhVPTLY. rPOSFOP. pYULHEF.
     3 OPSVTS.
     th CHUE FBLY SING CHUFTEFYMYUSH. fBLHA ULPTPUFSH VEZB WITH CHYDE FPMSHLP FPZDB, LPZDB IBIBMSH ECBM ABOUT FPMYUPL, RPUME RPDUSCHRBOOZP OBNY UMBVYFEMSHOPZP. OE OBBA DBTSE, LFP YЪ OYI VPMSHYE YURKHZBMUS.
     4 OPSVTS.
     rPULPMSH'OKHMUS CH RTYIPTSEK. FERETSH YOBA, LFP VPMSHYE YURKHZBMUS. UFTBI PYUEOSH ULPMSHYLYK Y, PRTEDEMEOOP, RBIOEF UPVBYUSHYNY DETSHNPN.
     5 OPSVTS.
     rPUBDYM YI ЪB ufpm retezpchptpch. yuete RSFSH NYOHF RPUME OBYUBMB ЪBUEDBOYS, IPЪSKLB YCHSTBOKHMB UP UFPMB LBTSDPZP RP PUETEDY. pFLKhDB NOE OBFSH, YuFP UFPM RETEZPCHPTPCH - LFP NEFBZhPTB? RETEOUMMY BUEDBOYE ABOUT YEUFP. h LMBDPCHLE.
     6 OPSVTS.
     lPF PFNEYUBM DEOSH TBCHEDUYLB. nPMYUB. h ЪBUBDE.
     7 OPSVTS.
     CHUE UPUFPSMPUSH. iBML ULBBM, YuFP OILBLYI FETTYFPTYBMSHOSCHI RTEFEOOYK H OEZP OEF, B CHUE, YuFP ON IPUEF - LFP DPTSYFSH DP UNETFY. lPF ЪБУИФБМ URYUPL UCHPYI FTEVPCHBOYK. ъBNEFYM, YuFP EUMY UMKHYBFSH EZP, ЪBLTSCHCH ZMBB, NPTsOP RTEDUFBCHYFSH, YuFP UMKHYBEYSH tsYTYOPCHULZP.
     8 OPSVTS.
     lPF IPdyf RP DPNH LBL DENVEMSH. uPVBLECHYU PVTBEBEFUS L OENH OE YOBYUE, LBL "fPCHBTYE uFBTPUMHTSBEIK". fPF ЪB LFP PFDBEF ENKH NBUMP.
     9 OPSVTS.
     ULBBBM uPVBLECHYUKH, YuFP LPF VPYFUS NHIPVPKLH. PFCHEFYM NOE, YFP TSYOSH - LFP MYYSH YUETEDB UMKHYUBKOSCHI UPVSHCHFYK, UZEOETYTPCHBOOSCHI PRTEDEMOOOSCHN PVTBBPN, OEYNEOOOP RTYCHPDSEYI L PRTEDEMOOOPNH PLPOYUBOYA. ULBBBM LPFKH, YuFPVSH RETERTSFBM CHBMETSHSOLCH.
     10 OPSVTS.
     iBML KHLKHUIM IBIBMS ЪB OPZH. FPF YNSLOKHM EZP RP NPTDE, RPFPNH YuFP RPDKHNBM, YuFP EZP KHLKHUIMB NHIB. LEAVE CH LMBDPCHLE, ZPFPCHMY RMBO NEUFY. ABOUT RPMLE TSKHTOBM "h NYTE TSYCHPFOSHI". lPF UDEMBM CHYD, YuFP LFP OE EZP, OP RPRTPUYM OE CHSHLDSCHBFSH.
     13 OPSVTS.
     OENPEOSCHK RETEZTSCH IBIBMA YOKHTLY. lBL CHYDOP RP DBFE, LFP ЪBOСMP NOPZP READING. pFICHBFYM, EUFEUFCHOOOP, LPF. uPVBLECHYU CHUA OPYUSH PFTSINBMUS.
     14 OPSVTS.
     OBUMY X iBMLB LOYZKH OYGOYE. CHEUSH CHYUET TBUUHTSDBMY Y DYULHFYTPCHBMY U LPFPN. rTYYMY L CHCHCHPDH, YuFP DCHETSH MHYUYE RPDRYTBFSH FPMLPCHSHCHN UMPCHBTEN, YVP ON FSCEMEE.
     15 OPSVTS.
     UOPCHB RTYIPDIM UBOFEIOIL. ULBBBM, YuFP RPUME RTPYMPZP TBBB ON VTPUIM RYFSH. with EZP RPЪDTBCHYM Y RPTsBM THLH. FERETSH BY EEE Y EUFSH VTPUIF.
     17 OPSVTS.
     iBML TBUULBSCHBM OBN, LBL NOPZP YOFETEUOPZP ЪB CHIPDOPK DCHETSHA. nShch U LPFPN FBN OH TBH OE VSHCHMY. lPF OE CHETYF, YuFP LTPNE OEZP UKHEEUFCHHAF DTHZIE LPFSCH.
     18 OPSVTS.
     iPSKLB HETSBEF CH PFRHUL. oENPEOPZP VETEF U UPVPK, B LPF PUFBEFUS DPNB. rTPUYMB UPUEDB RTYUNBFTYCHBFSH UB OIN. b NEOS OEMSHЪS RPRTPUIFSH? b. . OH DB...
     19 OPSVTS.
     uFSHCHTYM X IPSKLY CHFPTSCHE LMAYUY PF LCHBTFYTSCH. ъБЧФТБ CHSHCHIPDYN CH RPIPD. b UEKYUBU - PFVPK.
     20 OPSVTS.
     hSHIPDYN. DOECHOIL, OB CHUSLYK UMKHYUBK, CHSM U UPVPK. OH TBH OE CHYDEM KH LPFB FBLYI VPMSHYI ЪTBYULPCH. ZPCHPTYF, YuFPVSH MHYUYE CHYDEFSH. b RP-NPENH, RTPUFP PYLHEF. rPLB URKHULBMYUSH RP MEUFOYGE, LPF FTY TBUB URTPUYM, CHSHLMAYUYMY MY NSCH HFAZ. rTYYMPUSH CHETOKHFSHUS. LPF ULBBM, YuFP HCE RPJDOP Y MEZ DTSCHIOKHFSH.
     21 OPSVTS.
     RETCHSHCHK TB HCHYDEMY DPNPZHPO. PI Y BDULPE KHUFTPKUFCHP. TsDBMY RPLB LFP-OYVHDSH CHSCDEF. CHSPIDYM UPUED. hЪSM LPFB Y PFOEU DPNK. rTYYMPUSH CHPCHTBEBFSHUS. lPF LTYUBM, YuFP ON UBNPUFPSFEMSHOSCHK Y CHRTBCHE UBN RTYOINBFSH TEYEOYS, LHDB ENKH YDFY. TsBMSH, YuFP UPUED OE RPOINBEF RP-LPYBUSHY.
     22 OPSVTS.
     WHAT ABOUT HMYGH. pJYZEFSH! lBLPK, PLBSHCHBEFUS PZTPNOSHCHK NYT! xVEDYMYUSH U LPFPN CH FPN, YuFP ABOUT UCHEFE EUFSH CHEY, ZPTBJDP VPMSHYYE, YUEN Ts#RB OBYEK IPSKLY.
     23 OPSVTS.
     THEYMYMY PUFBFSHUS ABOUT KHMYGE AT OPUECHLPK. URBMY ABOUT FERMPFTBUUE. lPF CHUA OPYUSH VEZBM PE UOE Y RYOBM NEOS MBRBNY. OE URBMPUSH. rПФПНХ ЪБЗМСДШЧБМ Х PLOB. pDOB VBVLB, LBCEPHUS, NEOS HCHYDEMB. lTYLOKHMB: "OENGSHCH ZPTPDE!"
     24 OPSVTS.
     CHUFTEFYMY DCHPTPCHI LPFPC. URTBYCHBMY, U LBLPZP NSCH TBKPOB, Y EUFSH MY YUP? ULBUBMY, UFP OEF OYUEZP Y RPIMY DBMSHYE. LPF ULBBM, YuFP MEZLP PFDEMBMYUSH.
     25 OPSVTS.
     lPF OBYUBM OSCHFSH Y LBOAYUYFSH. ZPCHPTYF, YuFP OE NPTsEF VE MPFLB, FBL LBL PO YOFEMMYZEOFOPK UENSHY. rTYYMPUSH CHPCHTBEBFSHUS. PUFBMYUSH ABOUT OPYUSH DPNB. pF OYUEZP DEMBFSH UFHYUBM RP VBFBTESN.
     26 OPSVTS.
     rTEDMPTSYM LPPH RPKFY EEE RPZHMSFSH. FPF UPUMBMUS ABOUT VPMSHOHA RSFLH. rTYYMPUSH PUFBFSHUS DPNB. pYUEOSH ULHYUOP. uFHYUBM RP VBFBTESN OEPDOPLTBFOP.
     27 OPSVTS.
     uFPR! pFLHDB X LPFB RSFLB? chPF VTEIMP VMPIBUFPE! LUFBFY, DEKUFCHYFEMSHOP VMPIBUFPE! yULBM DHUF, OBYEM ZHFBMYO. oBNBBBM EZP, RPLB FPF URBM. FERETSH PO - lPF oemshupob nbodemsch. lPZDB CHUFTEYUBA, WOINBA YMSRKH Y LMBOSAUSH. lPF ZPCHPTYF, YuFP S - YDYPF.
     28 OPSVTS.
     rTYIPDYM UPUED. pFNSHM LPFB.
     29 OPSVTS.
     uNPFTEMY FEMECHYPT. lPF PFLBSCHCHBEFUS UNPFTEFSH "dPNBOYOK". rPUFPSOOP RETELMAYUBEF ABOUT "dPN-2. dP FTEI OPYU PVUKHTSDBMY, YuFP mYVETS lRBDPOH UTS RETEEIBMB CH ZPTPD L ECZEOYA TKHDOECHH.
     30 OPSVTS.
     TBUULBYOSCHBM LPFKH P FEPTYYYTEDYOSETB. rTPCHEMY LURETYNEOF. lPF CHEUSH DEOSH RTPUIDEM CH LPTPVLE. chshchme OH TSYCHPK, OH NETFCHCHK. FEPTYS DPLBBOBOB. YMY OEF.
     1 DELBVTS.
     YNB. DKHNBMY AT LPFPN, WHERE IS ENTERED PFNEYUBFSH OPCHSHCHK ZPD. TEYYMYMY, UFP ABOUT LHIOE.
     2 DELBVTS.
     lPF PVUSCHRBMUS NHLPC. FERETSH PO - bDERF veMPZP pTDEOB. rTPDPMTSBA UOYNBFSH YMSRKH Y LMBOSFSHUS. rTPDPMTSBEF OBSCCHBFSH NEOS YDYPPFPN. PI HC LFB BTYUFPLTBFYS...
     3 DELBVTS.
     rTYIPDYM UPUED. pFNSHM LPFB.
     4 DELBVTS.
     oPIUSHA TBUULBSCHBMY DTHZ DTHZH UFTBIOSHE YUFPTYY. LPF UDBMUS ABOUT NNEOF P yuETOPN CHEFETYOBTE Y RPRTPPUYM CHLMAYUYFSH ABOUT OPIUSH UCHEF.
     5 DELBVTS.
     rTYIPDYM UPUED. ULBBBM ENKH, YuFP KH OBU CHUE OPTNBMSHOP. UPUED RPYEM PFNSCHBFSH YFBOSHCH.
     6 DELBVTS.
     ъБЧФТБ RТЪЦБЭФ ИПЪСКЛБ. b RPYUENH VSC OBN OE TBVTPUBFSH EE YNPFLY RP LCHBTFYTE? RJODAMEK FP OE NOE RPMHYUBFSH!
     7 DELBVTS.
     xTB! rTYEIBMB! with DBCE UPULKHYUMUS HCE. ABOUT TBDPUFSI KHTPOYM ZPTYPL U GCHEFLPN. pFLKhDB LPF OBEF NPA NBFSH? TBCHE S YI OBBLPNYM?
     8 DELBVTS.
     UFP? BNHC? ъB IBIBMS? oh bfp hce ummyylpn...
     9 DELBVTS.
     iBIBMSH ULPTP RTYYMEF UCHBFPCH. UBN, OBCHETOPE, VPYFUS RTYIPDIFSH. ЪOBEF, YUEN bfp NPTSEF ЪBLPOYUYFSHUS...
     10 DELBVTS.
     pTZBOYHEN U LPFPN DCHYTSEOYE uPRTPPFYCHMEOYS. iBML ULBUBM, YuFP CHUE FMEO Y CHPPVEE, PO HCE RPYUFY RPOBBM DJEO Y ULPTP DPUFYZOEF OITCHBOSHCH. b CHUE NYTULPE EZP OE YOFETEUHEF. with DKHNBM, YuFP PO - LNP, B PO PLBBBMUS VKhDDYUFPN.
     11 DELBVTS.
     ABOUT CHSHCHVPTBI LPNBODITB YFBVB PRPMYUEOYS RTPYIPYEM TBULPM. rPUME RPDCHEDEOYS YFPZHR FBKOPZP ZPMPUPCBOYS, VSHMY PVIASCHMEOSCH UMEDHAEYE TEKHMSHFBFSCH. lPF - PDIO ZPMPU, dPNPChPK - PDIO ZPMPU. rPUME PRMEKHIY UIFKHBGYS YYNEOYMBUSH. lPF - OPMSH ZPMPUPC, dPNPChPK - DCHB ZPMPUB. edYOPZMBUOP, FPCHBTYAY!
     12 DELBVTS.
     UYFHBGYS ABOUT ZTBOY LTYFYUEULPK. iBIBMSH RPDBTYM IP'SKLE LPMSHGP. lPOYUOP CE, OPIUSHA S EZP URET Y URTSFBM CH LMBDPCHLE. iPSKLB RPZMSDSHCHBEF ABOUT LPFB, LPF PFLTPCHEOOP RBOILHEF Y RHUYF ABOUT NEOS UCHPY ZMBYALY. rTEDMPTSYM ENKH UIPDYFSH L PLHMYUFH.
     13 DELBVTS.
     UMHYBMY U LPFPN DBV UFER. according to ZPCHPTIF, UFP LFP NPDOP. x iBMLB UMHYUMUS RTYUFHR RBRYMERUYY. b NO RPOTBCHYMPUSH, OYUEZP... yNRTPCHYYYTHA ABOUT VBFBTESI. rP NPENH, RPIPTS.
     14 DELBVTS.
     Let's DRINK WOOZ. lPF ZPCHPTYF, YuFP EUMY EUFSH UOETSYOLY, FP DPVBCHMSEFUS +50 L HDBYUE Y YOFEMMELPH. ULBBBM ENKH, YuFP EUMY CHSHCHMYYSHCHBFSH UCHPY YBTHODKHMSHCH, FP PF YOFEMMELFB PFOINBEFUS NYOKHU 50. uPYMYUSH ABOUT FPN, YuFP FP ABOUT FP Y CHSCHIPDYF.
     15 DELBVTS.
     RTYYMY UCHBFSCH. PRETBGYS "YUYUFSHCHK RBURPTF - YUYUFBS UPCHEUFSH" OYUBMBUSH. lPF OBUFBYCHBM ABOUT OBCHBOY "vHTS CH LCHBTFYTE". pVASUOIM ENKH, YuFP ЪBFLOYUSH. chPTBTSEOYK VPMSHYE OE RPUFKHRBMP.
     16 DELBVTS.
     CHUETB EME CHSHTRTPCHPDYMY. LET'S LEAVE CHPЪME IPЪSKLY Y ЪCHHLBNY YNYFYTPCHBM OEUCHBTEOYE. UCHBFSCH LPUYMYUSH, OP RTDDPMTsBMY ZOHFSH UCHPE. lPF TBUGBTBBRBM JN OPZY, JB YuFP VShchM ЪBRETF CH LMBDPCHLE. OP ZETPYUEULY RTDDPMTSYM CHEUFY PFFHDB DYCHETUIPOOHA VPTSHVH, CHSHTLTYLYCHBS MPHOZY: "lBLPZP IETB RTYRETMYUSH?" "RPPTOSH." ъB RPUMEDOYK PVIASCHYM ENKH CHSHCHZPCHPT Y OBRTEFYM UNPFTEFSH "ZMHIBTS".
     17 DELBVTS.
     iBML ULBBM, YuFP UPRTPFYCHMEOYE CHOEYOYN PVUFPSFEMSHUFCHBN - RKhFSH L UBNPTTBTHYEOYA. CHPF FBL CHUFBM RPUTEDY OPYUY, ULBUBM, CHJDPIOKHM Y MEZ DBMSHYE URBFSH. RETESMSOHMYUSH U LPFPN Y DPZPCHPTYMYUSH URBFSH RP PUETEDY.
     18 DELBVTS.
     iPSKLB CHCHUA ZPFPCHYFUS L UCHBDSHVE. ABOUT SOCHBTSH. ULTP RTYEDEF MAVYNBS OBNY YOEDYO YIDBO. pVUKHTSDBMY RMBO DBMSHOEKYI DEKUFCHYK. lPF KHUOKHM, LBL CHUEZDB, CHOEBROP.
     19 DELBVTS.
     pFRTBCHYMY U ZPMHVSNY RYUSHNP DEDH nPTPЪKH. s RPRTPUYM OPCHHA FEFTBDHLH Y OE MEJFSH L OBN YUETE CHEOFYMSGYA, iBML - RPDBTPYUOPE YJDBOYE bVIYDIBTNSCH, B LPF - TSEMFPZP TEYOPZP KHFEOLB. OH, OH WHAT WHAT WHAT PUMPE TSYCHPFOPE... 19 DELBVTS. OPYUSHA CHYDEM, LBL iBML CHP'OEUUS OBD ENMEK. pLBBBMPUSH, IPSCLB UMHYUBKOP ROKHMB EZP PE UOE.
     20 DELBVTS.
     rPMHYUYMY PF ZPMHVEK PFYUEF P DPUFBCHL Y RTYZMBYYEOYE ABOUT UBKF OBLPNUFCH. lBL PFLMAYUYFSH BFH HUMHZH? dPUFBMY HCE.
     21 DELBVTS.
     iPSKLB RTYCHEMB RMBFSH. CHUE FBLY LTBUYCHBS POB X OBU... lPF RHUFYM UMEYKH Y KHVETSBM CH LMBDPCHLH. UYYYF, RTHYUYFBEEF.
     22 DELBVTS.
     dYULHFYTPCHBM U iBMLPN. xOBM OBUEOYE UMPCHB "DYULHFYTPCHBM". FUCKING HNEO, FUCK!
     23 DELBVTS.
     xTSYOBMY RTY UCHEUBY. hShchVYMP RTPVLY, TsDBMY LMELFTYLB. iBML ULBBM, YuFP PZPOSH - EUFSH OBYUBMP YuEFSHTEI UFY... chRTPYUEN, OECHBTsOP... RETETSYCHBA, YuFP ON NPTsEF PVTBFYFSH LPFB CH UCHPA CHETKH. po X NEOS FBLPK DPCHETYUYCHSHCHK.
     25 DELBVTS.
     ITSROHMY U LPFPN CHBMETSHSOHLH ЪB LBFPMYUUEULPE tPTSDEUFChP. OH B YUEN OE RPCHPD?
     27 DELBVTS.
     rPNPZBMY IPSKLE OBTTSSBFSH EMLH. lPF TBVYM YZTHYLKH. UYDYN CH YLBZHKH. rPRTPUYM NEOS RTYTSBFSH EZP KHY L ZPMPCHE, YUFPVSH OE VSHMP CHYDOP. UYTSKH, RTYTSINBA.
     29 DELBVTS.
     xTB! rPUMEЪBCHFTTB OPCCHCHK zPD!
     30 DELBVTS.
     rTYZPFPCHYM RPDBTTLY UCHPYN DPNBIOYN. lPFH RPDBTA OEDEMSHOSCHK BVPOENEOF ABOUT "RPYUEUBFSH ЪB KHIPN", iBMLH - BTPNB-UCHEYUKH, IP'SKLE CHETOKH LPMSHGP, OP RTYDEFUS RPBINUFCHPCHBFSH BTPNB-UCHEYUKH. iBIBMA - NPI UBNSHCHE MKHYUYE RPTSEMBOS.
     31 DELBVTS.
     12: 40
     zPFPCHYNUS L RTBDOYLH. rPNPZBEN IPSKLE ZPFPCHYFSH. with UMETSKH ЪB PZOEN, LPF RSHFBEFUS YUYUFYFSH LBTFPYLH, LBFBS EE RP CHUEK LCHBTFYTE, iBML UP'ETGBEF. oh, LBL ZPCHPTYFUS, YUEN NPTSE...
     15: 30
     RTYYEM IBIBMSH. rPLB ON UOINBM LHTFLH, WITH CHIVPMFBM VHFSHCHMLH YBNRBOULPZP. rПБЧБМ CHUEI. UYDYN, TsDEN. rPRPTPUYM LPFB OE TTSBFSH TBOSHYE CHTENEOY, YVP RBMECHP.

A man has gone to heaven, so they show him everything, tell him everything, take him to the best places, etc. So, they tell him, here are Muslims, here are Catholics, here are Buddhists, here are Baptists, and finally they reach the fence and start whispering:
- Shh! - and nod at the fence.
- Why in a whisper? - asks the man.
- Yes, there are Jews here, they think that they are alone here...

A man ends up in the other world and is met by the devil:
- Well, man, you've gone to hell. Just don't worry too much. It's not that bad here! Have you ever smoked in your life?
The man lowers his eyes:
- Yes, I smoked.
- Well, that means Mondays will be a holiday for you. This is our smoking day. The choice is huge, from pipes and shag to expensive cigars and hookahs. We smoke all Monday, until late at night. And asthma and cancer are not scary - you’re already dead! Did you like to drink?
The man lowers his head:
- Not without it.
- Ooh! Then get ready for the holidays on Tuesdays! We drink all day, from the very morning, from beer and light wines to the strongest drinks: moonshine and alcohol. And don’t care about the liver: you’re already dead! What about drugs?
- Yes, it happened!
- Well, have fun on Wednesdays! For us, this is a day of drugs, from the mildest to heroin and heavy synthetics. If you want, inject yourself, if you want, smoke, and don’t be afraid of withdrawal, or an overdose, or the cops - you’re already dead! What about women?
The man perks up:
- But of course!
- Then you'll have a blast on Thursdays! This is our day of general sex. The fact is that there are 10 times more women in hell than men, and you will have a super choice! And don’t even think about syphilis there - you’re already dead! How are you with men?
The man jumps up:
- No, what are you talking about!
- Hmmm... You won’t like it with us on Fridays!

The man goes to heaven. He's having a blast there. Everything is good: people, food, even women. And asks the archangel:
-Can I take a look at hell with one eye?
They let him look, and there everything is exactly the same, including the landscape, but for some reason people are crying and suffering.
- Why are they all so unhappy? - asks the surprised man.
- Yes, they just think that it’s better in heaven...

What is Paradise? this is the kind of place where all the chefs are French; all tutors are English; all film directors are American; all the housewives are Russian, and the entire administration consists of Germans.
What is Hell? This is the kind of place where all the cooks are English; all tutors are French; all film directors are German; all the housewives are American, and the entire administration consists of Russians.

Angela Merkel dies, she is sent to hell. She stands with her suitcases at the gates of hell, crying. The devil comes out, looks surprised, checks the list and reports that a mistake has occurred and she needs to go to heaven. Merkel, joyful, forgetting everything, runs away. The devil thinks how bad it turned out, she forgot her things. He calls several little devils, tells them to take things to heaven and return them to Merkel. The little devils are lazy guys, while they make it to the gates of heaven, it is already closed until tomorrow. What to do, they have to climb over the fence with all their things. At this time in paradise, on the other side of the fence, one archangel says to another:
- Look, Merkel has only been with us for less than an hour, and the refugees are already in full swing!

A man died and went to heaven, and they say to him:
- You see, man, you lived somehow strangely, and not very righteously, and not
very sinful, so you can choose where you should be - in hell
or in heaven.
The man, understandably, doubted it and suggested:
-Can I have a look first?
- Look.
A man went to heaven, and there it was boring, all the people were somehow disembodied,
drinking nectar, chewing ambrosia, melancholy...
Well, the man went to hell, and there were casinos, variety shows, brothels, taverns, well, no
life, but lafa.
That's it, the man says, I want to live in hell! Here are his devils under his arms and a cauldron with
boiling resin. The guy started yelling: “What, you deceived me, bring it here.”
the most important feature!"
The main devil comes and says to him: “Well, you
man and strange. Don't confuse tourism with emigration!"

A king, a businessman and a logistician went to hell.
The devil comes out and says: “According to the rules of Hell, you have the right to one call, but you will have to pay for it.
The king was given the first call. He calls and asks how things are in the kingdom, in the family. They tell him that everything is fine and after a minute he hangs up. The devil says, Your former Majesty, you are charging 100 thousand dollars for a call.
The king thought that he would die anyway and paid.
The businessman called and asked how things were going in the family, in the company, how was that project, how was that other project, the latest stock market reports? I found out that everything was fine and hung up after 5-7 minutes and the devil said to him: “You have a million dollars.”
The businessman thought, well, what difference does it make now and paid.
The logistician calls: “How is it at the port? Has the vessel been delivered? Unloading? Has the rolling stock arrived? No? Customs... ecologists, SES, squads, pp/pd” - begins to resolve issues. “How are the tires on the car? There’s diesel in the tank, etc...” He talked for about 3 hours, solved all the questions, and hung up. The devil says to him: “You, my dear, 10 dollars 50 cents.”
King with a businessman: How can it be, we talked for a minute or a little more, they took so much money from us, and he talked for 3 hours, he got 10.50?!?!?!?”
“So, your calls were international, and even in roaming. And he had a call from hell to hell, the tariff was local.”

Three men die and go to heaven. The Apostle Peter meets them.
- Well, guys, paradise is big, you can’t get around it, you have to go. Here you are Andrey, you cheated on your wife twenty times. Here's a "Kopeyka" for you, go. You're Igor, you cheated on your wife five times, well done, here's a Ford, go for a ride. Mikhail, you have never cheated on your wife!!! You lived your life like a saint, here's a new Ferrari, you deserve it.
Some time passes, and the two (on the Kopeck and the Ford) see Mikhail crying on the hood of his Ferrari.
- What's happened?
- Well, I met my wife on roller skates...

Don Juan goes to hell. The devil asks him:
- Where do you want to go - to a scary room or a terrible one?
- What's in the scary one?!
He shows him - some scary women - fat, pimply, wrinkled...
- You are tied to a chair in this room - and you must satisfy each of them several times a day...
- And in a terrible way?
He sees several naked blondes with blue eyes walking around in a sexy way in the room... Well, naturally, he immediately lost his head and said:
- I want to go to the terrible one!!!
- Sure?!
- Yeees!!!
At that very second he finds himself tied to a chair and hears a voice from above:
- And in this room your hands and feet are tied and none of them gives you...

An Irish football player dies, finds himself at the gates of heaven, sees a saint with a long beard and keys in his hands, the saint asks him:
- Well, have you done anything good in your life?
The football player answers:
- No, unfortunately for me, I haven’t done anything good. He drank, debauched, fought...
- How, really - nothing good in your whole life?
“Well,” the footballer answers, “except maybe once... I then played for the St. Patrick’s team... we played against the England team, and we played like that, we played like that!” I scored three goals for them!
“Yeah,” says the saint, “this, of course, is not enough, come on, now I’ll open the door a little, you squeeze through and run to heaven, and get lost there, as if you’ve always been there.”
- Oh, thank you, thank you, Saint Peter!
- Shhhh. Saint Peter is on vacation. I am Saint Patrick.

The newlyweds had an accident on the way to church and went straight to heaven to meet God.
“We love each other so much, and we still want to get married,” the newlyweds ask him.
“You are the first here with such a request,” God said and disappeared for three weeks.
Three weeks later he appeared with a priest, who married them. And the newlyweds are unhappy again:
- So, it seems like there is no need for marriage in heaven. Is it possible to get a divorce?
- Don't fool me! I spent three weeks trying to find at least some priest in heaven! Do you have any idea how long it will take to find a lawyer in heaven?!

Add your own joke!

A man ends up in the other world and is met by the devil: - Well, man, in...

The funniest

Early morning in the village, an ordinary family of mother, son and father without legs,

Early morning in the village, an ordinary family of mother, son and father without legs, which they lost in the war. The son is getting ready to hunt, takes a gun and a cartridge, then his dad crawls up to him and says:
- Son, take me hunting, I really want to!
- Dad, how can I take you, you don’t have legs, what good are you?
- And you, son, put me in a backpack behind your back, and if we suddenly see a bear, you shoot at it - you won’t hit it, you turn your back, and I’ll kill it with one shot, you know it yourself - I shoot a squirrel in the eye from 100 meters! So we’ll bring the loot home, so we’ll have something to eat in the winter.
The son thought and thought and said, “Okay, dad, let’s go.”
They are walking through the forest, the father is sitting in a backpack, and then a bear meets them. The son shoots, misses, shoots again - misses again, turns his back, dad shoots - also waves, again - misses again. The bear is already rushing towards them, well, the son will give it a try, and meanwhile the father is shouting - they say, quickly, they will catch up! They’ve been running for an hour, they don’t have the strength, the son understands that he and his dad won’t run that far - they’ll both be lost, so he decided to throw off his backpack and runs on.
He comes running home all out of breath and says to his mother:
- Mother, we no longer have a father... - with tears in his eyes.
His mother calmly puts down the frying pan, turns to him and says:
- How did you fuck me with your desire, then my dad came running 10 minutes ago in his arms and said that we no longer have a son!

They invited a guy at work to a corporate party and allowed him to come

They invited a man at work to a corporate party, they allowed him to come with his wives, the corporate party was themed - a masquerade, you had to come in costumes, with masks. No sooner said than done, they got ready before going out, and his wife had a headache, she said, “Go without me, and I’ll lie down at home for now,” and she herself came up with a cunning plan - to follow the man, how he would behave at the masquerade, to pester Zinka from accounting or even get drunk. Before going out, she changed her costume, came and saw her hubby - first dancing with one, then twirling the other, guard! She decided to check how far he would go, invited him to dance, they danced and whispered in his ear: - Maybe we can retire...
They retired, did their business, and the wife quickly went home. Her husband arrived a little later, she decided to ask him:
F - Well? How do you like your corporate party?!
M - Yes, gray boredom, the men and I decided to go play poker, and before that Petrovich, our boss asked him to exchange suits, since he had dirty his, so he was lucky, can you imagine, some woman in the ass gave!

Perestroika, collective farms are slowly dying out, everyone has gathered

Perestroika, collective farms are slowly dying out, all the animals have gathered in the barnyard and are discussing their future fate.
The bulls came out first and said: We must leave here while the hooves are still intact. The roof of the hangar is already leaking, it’s not raining, so we’re swimming like ducks. Next come the pigs: they haven’t eaten normal food for 100 years, the straw is all rotten, they give water once every three days. It’s impossible to live like this, you need to get out. All the other animals supported: Yes, yes, stop putting up with this and let’s go. One Sharik sits still, everyone asks him:
- Sharik, why are you sitting?! Come with us!
Sharik answers:
- No, I won’t go with you, I have a prospect!
Animals:
- What is the prospect? You'll die of hunger here!
Ball:
- No, guys, I have a prospect here!
Animals:
- Well, what prospects do you have here, you’ll get sick, catch fleas and die alone here!
Ball:
- No guys, I have a prospect...
Animals:
- What kind of prospect is that?!?!?!
Ball:
- I heard here that the landlady told the owner “... if things continue like this, then we’ll suck Sharik all winter...”

The girl invited the guy to visit, romantic, that's all. And

The girl invited the guy to visit, romantic, that's all. And at that moment his stomach began to twist, he simply had no strength to endure it anymore. They come into her apartment and the girl says:
- Come in, don’t be shy, go into the room, and now I’ll go to the bathroom and powder my nose...
It was somehow awkward for the guy to ask her ahead of her, so he decided to be patient, although he no longer had the strength to endure it. He walks into the room and looks - there’s a big dog sitting there. He took it and piled it in the room, and thinks that he will then blame everything on the dog, while he, contentedly, goes to the kitchen to drink tea.
The girl with the bath comes out and asks him:
D: Why don’t you go into the room?
P: There’s a big dog there, I’m afraid of it.
D: I found someone to be scared of, she’s plush...
P: Wow, she gave a shit like a real one!

The son comes up to his father and asks: - Dad, what is it?

The son approaches his father and asks:
- Dad, what is virtual reality?
Dad, after thinking a little, says to his son:
- Son, to give you an answer to this question, go to your mother, grandparents, and ask them if they could sleep with an African for 1 million dollars. He approaches his mother and asks:
- Mom, could you sleep with an African for 1 million dollars?
- Well, son, it’s not a tricky matter, and we need money, of course I could!
Then he approaches his grandmother with the same question, and the grandmother answers him:
- Of course, grandson! If I had a million dollars, I would live the same number of years!!!
It's grandfather's turn, grandfather answers:
- Well, actually, once doesn’t count, so of course - yes, with this million we would build a house by the sea, and finally leave my grandmother!
The son returns to his father with the results, and the father says to him:
- You see, son, in virtual reality we have three million dollars, but in real reality - 2 simple #tuts and one faggot!