27.06.2019: Every morning I start with a clean slate, changing rolls periodically.
24.03.2019:
Good morning! What track do you wake up to?
- Under the hammer drill!
01.01.2019:
This is how it is customary to greet each other: “Good morning.” Can mornings ever be good?
- Maybe.
- And what kind of morning can be considered good?
- The one that you managed to sleep through.
01.05.2018:
Lately I've been feeling sleepy all day long. I decided to start doing exercises in the morning to cheer myself up. Now I’m not only sleepy, but also tired.
14.04.2018:
In the mornings, I make sure to do exercises: I bend down, wipe the dust off the dumbbells, and after catching my breath, I go to breakfast.
21.03.2018:
If the zombie apocalypse begins and a crowd of zombies breaks into my place at seven in the morning, they will not touch me, because they will decide that I am one of their own.
22.07.2017:
It seems to me that when the body stretches in the morning, it is instinctively trying to break something for itself so as not to go anywhere.
12.06.2017:
To make it easier for people to wake up, an alarm clock was invented. And to make it even more difficult to fall asleep, they came up with news.
28.04.2017:
What do you do in the morning as soon as you wake up?
- I'm having lunch.
20.04.2017:
Please select the correct option:
1. The morning begins with strong coffee and a light breakfast.
2. The morning begins with a tender kiss from a loved one.
3. The morning begins with red eyes, a sore head and the thought “It would be better if I died.”
29.03.2017:
I want to learn how to fall asleep in the evening as quickly as in the morning after the alarm clock.
26.03.2017:
In the morning you need to be especially careful. One awkward move - and you're asleep again...
24.03.2017:
If you lack the motivation to get up early in the morning, stop eating after 6 pm and get up to eat.
18.03.2017:
I set the alarm for very early in the morning so I could run. As a result, at 5 am I turned off the alarm and continued to sleep, but I dreamed that I was running. Basically, I'm happy.
18.02.2017:
Ideal morning: Woke up, stretched, smiled, turned over and fell asleep.
07.12.2016:
What types of psychological violence do you know?
- Get up at 6 am.
03.11.2016:
Monday morning is the time when you realize how bad it was for the dinosaurs when they went extinct.
03.11.2016:
Toothpaste smeared on a comb quite accurately characterizes my morning state.
20.08.2016:
Do you do exercises in the morning?
- I'm late in the morning. It's cooler than charging.
31.05.2016:
Morning running. What could be better than her absence?
24.05.2016:
Every morning when the alarm clock rings, the first thing that wakes up is the desire to kill, and then me.
12.05.2016:
I compared this morning with yesterday evening - it’s no different!
02.05.2016:
Nothing invigorates you in the morning like a cup flying out of your knee joint.
29.03.2016:
06:00
06:05
In the morning it's a very big difference.
11.12.2015:
“I’ll get up early tomorrow!” - I thought.
“Well, well...” the organism grinned.
“They’ll beat you again...” the alarm clock sighed.
05.11.2015:
The morning is getting closer and closer,
Deathly silence, not a sound!
I can see the alarm clock's face
She's going to call, bitch!
Antipyretics for children are prescribed by a pediatrician. But there are emergency situations with fever when the child needs to be given medicine immediately. Then the parents take responsibility and use antipyretic drugs. What is allowed to be given to infants? How can you lower the temperature in older children? What medications are the safest?
Statuses about morning reflect almost the same mood as statuses about sleep.
True, they still carry a slightly different energy. Statuses about the morning, Unlike dreams, no one searches in the evening or at night. Yes, and requests about morning statuses a little different. This statuses about morning and coffee, statuses about morning after drinking, statuses about morning with your loved one, and of course morning statuses are funny and joyful.
Statuses about the morning:
Every morning is a little New Year, there is always the opportunity to start all over again! ©
Like it or not, but every day Morning comes and how good it is that at least this is not discussed! ©
We all wake up relatively happy, but for some reason when we start communicating with people it quickly goes away...
There are only three types of mornings - early, very early and too early!
Monday morning is the longest, Friday evening is the most awaited! ©
Cool statuses about morning:
A popular sign is that if your cat smiles mysteriously in the morning, then it’s better not to wear slippers...
Scientists have found that Morning is always better if it starts after lunch!!!
I could easily be a morning person if larks got up sometime after noon!
Fir-trees slept again... my favorite phrase for 12 years in a row!
Good morning!!!
Statuses about morning and love:
There is no more beautiful Morning than when you wake up with your loved one first!
After yesterday's vodka in the morning, the girl is not fresh! ©
Get up, get up, great things await you!”, but an inner voice whispers that if they are waiting, it means they love, and if they love, then they will wait another 10 minutes...
“The ideal guy is the one who ran to work in the morning, and the girl at his home wakes up, and next to his cup of coffee there is a note: “Good morning! Breakfast on the table, my VKontakte password is 343536″
The first time I got married early - at 5 am.
Statuses about morning and sleep:
Sometimes you sleep, you sleep... And then morning comes and you get up. And the blanket still sleeps, just sleeps... And it’s so enviable, so enviable.
Do you want to wake me up in the morning? Get ready for war!!!
I'm one of those people who want to fall asleep in the morning to watch a good movie!
And every morning I understand that staying up longer was a bad idea, and every, every evening it all repeats...
At 7:40 there was the opening of a century... At 70:45 there was the opening of another century!
Sometimes even a cup of coffee doesn't make a good morning! ©
Statuses about morning for VKontakte:
They say that if you get up at 6 am and go in for exercise, you will feel great all day, and I am sure that if you lie in bed for another 2 hours, you will feel even better!!!
Not everyone should get up early - it’s not for nothing that they say that the early bird will eat the early worm!!!
The most insoluble problem in Life is not how to live on, but to make a difficult choice in the morning - what to wear, not washed or ironed?
Why am I so strange today? They just woke you up, but forgot to wake you up!!!
It's no secret that you need to start the morning correctly in order for the whole day to be a success. Start your morning with positive news, good music, dancing or exercise. All this has a great effect on a person and sets him up for a productive working day. Why not please your loved ones with a witty status right in the morning to charge them with a good mood for the whole day? Just choose from our large collection what you think are the best statuses and send them to several friends. And you will be pleased, and people will be in a better mood. Post any of these statuses on your social media page and read it periodically to keep yourself in a good mood. Start your morning right, and then your day will go well.
Of all the seasons I hate mornings and Mondays.
“I wake up this morning - I’m lying on the carpet, and the carpet is hanging on the wall...”
A new, 100% way to wake up in the morning! You set the regular alarm for 7:00, and the hard formatting for 7:05. And just try to sleep it off! :)
I once quarreled with the morning! And now this bastard comes to me every day!!
STUPID!!! - Whaaaaat???? - RA - god of the sun, DU - good morning, that is, “Good morning, Sun”! - Aaaaaaaaaaaaa...
I don’t sleep at night because the morning is always boring and it’s better to sleep until lunch.
Morning, coffee, cigarette, she’s in my bedroom, I don’t remember much, but it seems like we were just sleeping.
With a sinking heart, he reads poetry in the evenings so that he can wake up in tears in the morning. Be late. And running out of the house, you forget your good mood somewhere under your pillow.
It's good to drive early in the morning - the streets are empty, the idiots are sleeping
Every morning is the time to start life again.
Every person has the right to his own gloomy morning.
Every morning I play the main role in the science-fiction thriller "To Sleep in 5 Minutes"
A normal person needs another 5 minutes to get enough sleep!
If in the morning the cat smiles mysteriously, then it’s better not to wear slippers...
Every morning we have to make a difficult choice - what to wear that hasn’t been washed or ironed?
Get up, beauty, great things await us!”, but an inner voice whispers that if they are waiting, it means they love, and if they love, then they will wait another half hour.
In the morning I almost brushed my teeth with shaving cream, almost burned down the kitchen while preparing breakfast, on the way to college I drove 2 meters on the hood of a car... a sucker is fate and this is about me ((
Frost and sun, a disgusting day, and a square head in the morning!
Often looking at a woman in the morning, you realize with horror that the fact that you seduced her yesterday was not your fault, but hers.
I need to call psychics too, let them look for my socks every morning)
Oh God, when will I finally wake up from an SMS “good morning, my love”
“The ideal man is the one who left for work in the morning, and the girl at his house woke up, and there was a note on the table: “Good morning, bunny!” Breakfast on the table, my VKontakte password is 223332"
Summer is when you set your alarm for 5 am just so you don't forget to go to bed...=)))
Drink foamy beer! It's going to be a great morning!
I got married early - at 6 in the morning.
It’s morning and it’s early to go to work again, mm, there’s a mess in his head, he’s still not very drunk, (he’ll finish the wine from yesterday’s glass, call it quits so that nothing bothers him) He doesn’t forget her (
At night, when you are already lying in bed, listening to the barking of dogs and the conversations of rare passers-by from the street, you want to write down all the thoughts that come to mind, some of them seem so brilliant, but in the morning you don’t remember anything.
Every time before I fall asleep, I wish that I would dream about what will happen. And every morning everything happens completely differently...
Cool wishes statuses for your phone
It’s a village morning, the inhabitants of the yard are waking up, the housewife is busy.
The cow wakes up:
- Mooo!
- What, Swallow, do you want a bull?
The pig wakes up:
- Oink-oink...
- What, Khavronyushka, do you want a boar?
Daughter wakes up:
- Oh-oh!
- Good morning, daughter!
- Eh, mom! To everyone as a human being, but to me - “good morning”! . .
Good morning my love.
- How good, a mosquito has been gnawing on me all night!
- But he didn’t touch me...
- Why bother touching you when there’s such a delicious thing lying next to you!
A happy person is one who, when greeting someone, says “Good morning” completely sincerely. Even if it's Monday morning.
Morning. A hedgehog crawls out of its hole, and a wolf crawls out of a neighboring hole.
- Good morning wolf! What a wonderful morning it is! Is not it?
- Hedgehog... what are you doing?! Did you get off on the wrong foot today? Never greeted me in my life... but here - “Good morning”!
- Wolf, look around! Birds are singing! The sun is shining! It's wonderful how!
- Why are you... sick, I suppose? Every morning you spit in my direction, you won’t hear anything except swearing...
- Just look at how beautiful butterflies are flying! Listen to the brook gurgling! Beauty!
- Fuck knows what happened to you... but just in case... FUCK YOU!
In the morning I do exercises: I bend over and try to touch the floor with my palms.
The husband comes out of the bathroom and says:
- Well, no need to bow... just say:
Good Morning, King!
Good morning, my love... How did you sleep? What did you dream of?
- Why are you suddenly so caring? He cheated on me?!
- Oh, go to hell!
- That's better!
Good morning everyone. Helen, please make me some coffee!
- Dmitry Alekseevich coffee is made in Latin America, and I just prepare it.
- Lena should have been smarter during exams at school, then she would have worked instead of fetching coffee.
We are the four horsemen of the apocalypse: Pestilence, War, Famine and Death.
- What kind of freak is this with you???
- This is the intern "Good morning!"
My wife woke up early and went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. She farted like this:
- Oh, January.
Next he cooks. Farted again:
- Oh, February.
He giggles like this: March, April, May, June...
Here, as soon as he turns around, his father-in-law is sitting at the table. She's like this:
- Oh, dad, good morning! How long have you been sitting here?
- From January!
Please select the correct option:
1) the morning begins with strong coffee and a light breakfast;
2) the morning begins with a tender kiss from a loved one;
3) the morning begins with red eyes, a sore head and the thought “It would be better if I died.”
This is my second year living in Argentina. Almost all the streets here are one-way. Once I was crossing the road, I heard a man’s voice behind me: “Good morning, girl!” I turn around in bewilderment, wondering where the Russian guy came from and how he knew from behind that I was also Russian. She asked, the answer made me laugh: he said that only Russians look in both directions when crossing a one-way road!
The guy got embarrassed and answered:
The girl and the guy met, word for word, took a walk, drank tea... In general, the girl woke up first and went to the shower. It turns out that a new friend has also awakened. She tells him:
- Good morning. I was in your shower, there were two towels with embroidered letters “M” and “F”. I wiped myself with the one that had “F” on it, because “M” is “Male”, right?
The guy got embarrassed and answered:
- No... “M” is for “Muzzle”.
A boy wakes up in a hospital room from the phone ringing.
- Hello, good morning. This is your attending physician.
– What’s wrong with my tests, doctor?
- Well... No offense - you were diagnosed with syphilis, diphtheria, scarlet fever, plague, smallpox, chickenpox and AIDS.
– !!! A. . Well, do something!!! Treat!!!
– Don’t worry, everything is fine, according to plan... From today you are prescribed the “Pancake Diet”!
- How is that?
- Breakfast - pancakes, lunch - pancakes, dinner - pancakes...
– Will pancakes help?
- Don't know. But this is the only thing that will fit under the door...
Olya brought her husband coffee in bed every morning, because if she didn’t have time, the morning began with beer.
No no!
Why?
- Yes, you understand. . . I returned from a business trip on Friday, tired as a dog. I decided to stay at home: I took a shower, dived under the blanket and... . . I drank a whole bottle of cognac. . .
- So what? It's business as usual for you!
- Yeah. . . Only then they saw me in three restaurants. . . in that blanket.
On Monday morning the owner of a large company comes to work. Knowing the chef's love for cognac, the secretary:
- Ivan Petrovich, good morning! Coffee with cognac?
- No no!
The deputy comes to the boss. directors:
- Ivan Petrovich! Well, what about some cognac?
- God forbid! Don't even remind me!
- Why?
- Yes, you see... I returned from a business trip on Friday, tired as a dog. I decided to stay at home: I took a shower, dived under the blanket and... drank a whole bottle of cognac...
- So what? For you, this is a common thing!
- Yeah... but then they saw me in three restaurants... in that blanket...
People with cold hands have very kind hearts
- And a tag on the leg
- What?
- Nothing
What is the difference between a man's and a woman's morning? Women's morning: I woke up, took a shower, brushed my teeth, put on makeup, plucked my eyebrows, did my hair, went into the kitchen to drink some water, washed the dishes along the way, got dressed, went out to the balcony to “see the weather”, changed clothes. crap! The bag doesn’t fit, I put everything into another bag, cooked breakfast, and made the bed. (if there are still children, then I woke up the children, washed them, dressed them, fed them, braided their hair, collected their things, took them to kindergarten), and went to work. Men's morning: woke up, went to work.
I did a good deed today! I was walking my pit bull this morning. I see a man running to the bus stop. Well, I let the dog off the leash. The guy managed to catch the minibus))
Faktrum offers the reader fresh jokes that will make your day just wonderful!
Let's go, beauty, I'll take you on a boat along the river!
- No.
- Come on, silence, romance, haze over the water...
- Charon, no!
He will always help his mother
He offers his hand to the lady.
Both in study and in work,
He is excellent everywhere.
A good player on the pipe,
Skier, skier, well done.
Temples are built in his honor,
Son of my mother's friend's sister.
You're a night owl or an early bird?
- I’m a bear...
- Like this?
- Try touching me while I'm sleeping!
Double whiskey with ice.
- This is a school cafeteria!
- It's a pity, it's a pity.
Mom, do you know how much toothpaste is in one large tube?
- No, my bunny, I don’t know...
- From the bathroom through the entire hallway around the sofa to the balcony and back!
I want a banking application on my phone that will report: “Your treasury is empty, my lord!” or “Women and wine cost the crown dearly, sire!”
I don’t feel well, probably a magnetic storm.
- Yesterday you washed down your cognac with beer!
- And I say - a magnetic storm!
Do you love anyone?
- In general, I love raspberry pies. Of course, they don’t reciprocate, but they don’t behave like bastards either.
When I fill out a personal data section somewhere, for some reason in my mind I add “what’s the point?” to each item. Years: 26 (what's the point?). Marital status: married (what's the point?). Education: higher (what's the point?).
I am amazed at the sociability of grandmothers on public transport. They didn’t know each other five minutes ago, and now they’re discussing how they massage their foot bones with sea salt and mustard!
I'm tired of this work already! The day before yesterday I left at two in the morning, and yesterday at one.
- Did you manage to get time off early yesterday?
I just can’t get my cat to stop drinking water from my glass, although I’ve tried literally everything. I tried "hey" and even "HEY".
Vovochka is late for class:
- Why was you late?
- I fried potatoes.
- Did you help mom? Well done.
A girl runs after him:
- And you, Kartoshkina, where have you been?
When I started an individual entrepreneur: I instantly owe money to the tax authorities for incomprehensible abbreviations, some interest, collectors are calling, my mother calls in tears, says the cops have come, they won’t let me leave the country, the Internet targets advertisements for law firms, on YouTube in recommended videos - “ How to behave in the zone."
Tell me something good?
- You are very smart.
- And what else?
- And I always have fun with you!
- Yeah. That is, it’s still ugly. It's clear.
I heard Nikolai got married?
- Yes…
- As a wife?
- The guys praised...
Few accountants know that if you wrap weed in an expense order and smoke it, it turns into a receipt...
Belor us:
- Hello.
I:
- Your mustache has come unglued.
Belarusian:
- Thank you.
If you need the services of a photographer, designer or lawyer, just dial random numbers on your phone.
They couldn’t invent the bicycle for so long because at morning planning meetings someone kept saying: “Let’s not reinvent the wheel.”
Since childhood, I was scared that if I lost my passport, they would take out loans for it, get married and sell me into slavery. Later, that’s exactly what happened, but I didn’t lose my passport.
It is very difficult to live in a world where, out of politeness, we are offered tea and coffee, and not dumplings.
Don't cry, you're not fat at all.
- What makes you think that I’m crying because I’m overweight?
- Well, it's obvious!
Why is it that when you smile, one eye is happy and the other is sad?
- Cheerful is artificial...
Your eyes are like hemorrhoids...
They give you no rest day or night!
Do you have any physical activity?
- Can sex be considered physical activity?
- Yes.
- Then no.
With Trump, it is still unclear whether he is good for Russia or not. A person must be given at least seventeen years to be in power to draw conclusions.
Announcement at the conservatory: “A world-famous quartet is looking for two violinists and a cellist.”
Yesterday the boss sent us to knock down icicles. One icicle fell on his car, even though he had prudently parked it 70 meters from the building.
Honey, what is this box?
- And this is the gift that Santa Claus brought to the most beautiful girl in the world!
- Oh, my love!
- But, as you can see, I stole it to give it to you!
A man sells meat at the market. Here two people approach him:
- Is your meat fresh?
“Of course,” the seller answers.
- Was the pig yours?
- Yes, mine.
-What did you feed the pig?
- Caviar, bread, boiled fish. He gave her everything delicious!
Then these two take out their ksivs and say:
- We are from the tax office. Where do you get the money for such luxurious pig food? Pay the fine!
The man barely persuaded them not to fine him. Somehow I paid off and gave them 10 kilograms of meat to take with me. In general, I got away with it.
The next day, two more people visited the same man at the butcher shop. They ask:
- Meat from your pig?
- Yes, with mine.
- What did you feed?
- Oh, yes, he gave her all the worst things: all sorts of garbage, cleaning... And even then not often, now there’s not much money...
They show him the pictures. They say:
- We're from animal control. Why such terrible treatment? And after that you still sell this pork to people? You are fined.
The man spent a long time trying to persuade them not to issue him a fine. Finally, he convinced them by paying them off with 15 kilograms of meat.
The next day, three more people approached the seller:
- Where does the meat come from?
- From my pig.
- What did you feed?
“I don’t know,” he says, “I gave her money, she bought it for herself.”
A modern wedding is when guests give money to the newlyweds, transferring it directly to a bank card, helping them repay the loan taken out for the wedding.
An idea for an uninteresting film: a girl with a butterfly tattoo on her lower back turns out to be a simple local hustler.
Nope!!! I won't skydive! I'm claustrophobic!
- Olya, claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. Where do you see the enclosed space here?
- In a coffin! The coffin is a very confined space!!!
In general, absolutely all vacancies are similar to: “We need a virgin, 2 years of SEXUAL EXPERIENCE...”
Chipmunk and Squirrel lived in the same forest. They were strong friends and spent whole days together. One day Chipmunk said to Squirrel:
- Let’s have a wedding, make a small tree house and live happily.
Belka answers:
- Yes, but we are different animals. I am a squirrel, you are a chipmunk. Does not it confuse you?
- No. Because we are above all these prejudices! I don't care what other forest dwellers say about us! Let's get married tomorrow!
- Oh, you are so romantic! Let's!
They got married and began to live together. And everything would be fine, but they just couldn’t have children.
Belka says:
- This is all because you are a chipmunk and I am a squirrel, right?
Chipmunk answers her:
- Don’t worry, let’s go to Owl. She is wise, and she might give some advice.
They come to the Owl. Chipmunk says:
- Belka and I can’t have children. It's because she's a squirrel and I'm a chipmunk, right?
The owl looked at them and said:
- No, idiots. This is because you are a boy and Belka is a boy too!
Once upon a time there lived a girl with her father. And they had no one else. Her mother died a long time ago, she never found a man, and meanwhile she is already approaching 40 years old. Dad is quite old. And then one day she says to her father:
- Dad, do you mind if I buy myself a dildo?
- Well, my daughter, I don’t mind. You're already an adult.
In general, she bought this thing for herself and they move on with their lives.
And then one day the daughter comes home from work and sees her already tipsy father in the kitchen, on the table there is an almost finished bottle of vodka, and next to her is her dildo. She asks:
- Dad! What's going on here?!
“Nothing, daughter,” the father answers. - We’re sitting here with my son-in-law, having a drink...
All great people were great because they didn't have to drag themselves to work every morning. This is what is written on their houses:
- HE LIVED and WORKED in this house. . .
Vovochka and dad are watching a western.
“Dad,” asks Vovochka, “why do Indians paint their faces?”
- This is how they prepare for war in order to look more terrible and intimidate the enemy!
The next morning Vovochka bursts into her parents’ bedroom screaming:
- Dad! Dad! Hide! Grandma is going to war there!
New Year's morning. A sleepy man in a Santa Claus hat goes through the gifts he has received:
- 25 boxes of chocolates. . . 6 bottles of cognac. . . 15 diaries. . . 10 pens. And at least someone gave the book!
An Avar and a Dargin ended up on an uninhabited island, separated by a small kilometer-long channel.
- The Dargin lived on one side of the island, the Avar on the other. And they lived like this for four years. Every morning, each of the settlers walked around his part of the island, in search of something new. One day Darginets was walking around his part of the island and saw a charming girl on the shore. She lay unconscious. Darginets provided first aid and when the girl sighed, he immediately ran to the shore and shouted loudly:
- Magomed, swim here. You will see something you haven’t seen for four years. Magomed throws himself into the water, swims and says:
- Khin-kal, Khin-kal, Khin-kal. . .
Odessa. Two houses opposite. In the morning, two neighbors go out onto the balconies of their apartments.
One says to the other:
- Listen, Sonya, are you sick? The doctor left you at two in the morning!
- Oh, Bella, stop, it’s disgusting to listen to: if a colonel leaves you every morning, I don’t shout to the whole Deribasovskaya that the war has begun!
The next morning, Harry wakes up in bed with a terrible headache:
- Oh my God, the Dark Lord is back!
- Which Dark Lord? Yesterday Ron had a party! - Hedwig muttered displeasedly.
On Sunday morning, neither husband nor wife wants to be the first to get up. My husband can't stand it:
- Honey, would you like some coffee?
- With pleasure.
- Then bring me a cup too.
The Reds took back a tank of alcohol from the Whites. Vasily Ivanovich thought and thought about how to make sure that the soldiers did not find out what was in the tank. Invented:
- I wrote C2H5(OH) on it, I knew that his soldiers were not strong in chemistry, so I went to bed.
In the morning, all the fighters are completely drunk. Vasily Ivanovich asks Petka:
- How did you guess that there was alcohol in there?
And he answers him:
- Look, it says HE.
- We tried it, it’s definitely HIM.
Morning of the working day. A traffic cop stops a 600 Mercedes:
- Inspector Ivanov. Haven't had breakfast yet!
- Killer Petrov. Already at work.
My dog is so smart, every morning he brings “Moskovsky Komsomolets”!
- Just think, many dogs do this.
- Yes, but I’m not writing him out.
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