Psychological incompatibility (“they didn’t get along”) (model No. 2)
The scheme of this conflict assumes that two normal (without internal conflicts) people, in the absence of any noticeable contradictions in the content of their interaction, begin to conflict precisely because of the incompatible pairing of their individual characteristics. Most often this manifests itself in situations of fairly close, intimate, long-term interaction. A conflict situation matures as the parties accumulate irritability and dissatisfaction with certain aspects of the other party’s behavior. At the same time, there is usually no conscious intention to aggravate relations.
The development of this conflict is determined by the following factors:
sensitivity, observation, self-criticism of interaction partners, their ability to notice various aspects of their behavior and see their impact on the partner;
psychological tolerance of partners, the ability to calmly, without irritation, react to various features of people’s behavior, tolerance, immunity to interference;
the degree of connection of unpleasant, frustrating aspects of a partner’s behavior with the content and results of interaction (from the secondary, superficiality of these aspects to their determining influence on the methods of achieving results and the very understanding of the purpose and results of the interaction);
the nature of the partners’ relationship, the ability to openly express one’s dissatisfaction and at the same time be correctly understood, the ability to adjust one’s behavior in a given situation;
the tendency to see malicious intent in the behavior of a partner.
The main options for determining conflict according to this model:
1. Psychophysiological incompatibility. This is a certain incompatibility of their temperaments, psychophysiological qualities, and motor habits that interferes with the interaction and interferes with the partners. As an example, it is enough to refer to the situation when a choleric person and a phlegmatic person saw through a log with a two-handed saw. Well-known ideas about the incompatibility of biofields and psychoenergetic characteristics of individual people can also fit into this option.
2. Incompatibility of psychotypes. Psychology has accumulated quite a lot of different types of typologies of people. The combination of certain psychotypes of partners in interaction under appropriate conditions is fraught with conflict. One of the most comprehensive typologies based on Jung’s developments was proposed by socionics. Combinations in the interaction of both some different and identical types are conflict-generating.
3. Social and psychological incompatibility. We are talking about the combination of views, convictions, beliefs, values of interacting people of different nationalities, religions, belonging to different social, professional and other groups. Under certain conditions, this causes conflicts.
4. Business incompatibility. These are persistent differences in views and beliefs regarding methods and principles of work, understanding of the very goals of the activities of the interacting parties. Most often, there is a certain professional basis - they studied with different teachers, adhere to different approaches, schools, etc.
When diagnosing this conflict, it is useful to consider the following:
polarity, heteropolarity, clear opposition of the corresponding psychological characteristics of the parties is the most obvious indicator here, although in some cases this may also be their coincidence, identity (not only “ice and fire”, but also “two bears” fit into this model);
psychological incompatibility is usually little understood by the parties to the conflict, while the causes of the conflict are often associated with the malicious intent of the other party;
in some cases, in particular with option 2, detection of psychological incompatibility may require examination using special techniques;
relying on purely formal signs without a meaningful study of the personal characteristics of those in conflict can lead to mistakes (for example, the reasons for the conflict between two employees, say, of different nationalities, can be associated with a difference in views on the “case” and with something else).
When resolving such a conflict, it is useful: distancing the parties is the simplest, most reliable, although not always easily feasible, way of conflict management and conflict resolution; In this case, distancing can be temporary, partial, i.e. partial, related only to certain aspects of interaction; correction of the internal picture of the conflict, ensuring that those in conflict are aware of their psychological differences, eliminating the complex of malicious conflict intentions of the other party, understanding the “naturalness” of the relevant aspects of the other party’s behavior; usually such a change in the internal picture of the conflict dramatically changes the situation itself, helps to rethink all events and find resources for solving the problem; psychological assistance, instruction, training in the field of conflict-prone aspects of behavior (overcoming relevant habits, developing new behavioral skills).
Psychological incompatibility- an unsuccessful combination of temperaments and characters of interacting persons, a contradiction in life values, ideals, motives, goals of activity, a discrepancy in worldview, ideological attitudes, etc.
Personal reasons conflicts are associated with the individual psychological characteristics of its participants: assessment of the behavior of another as unacceptable, low level of socio-psychological competence (when, for example, a person does not imagine that there are many ways out of a conflict situation), insufficient psychological stability, poorly developed ability to empathy , overestimated or underestimated level of aspirations, choleric type of temperament, excessive expression of individual character traits.
Features of interpersonal conflicts in higher education
Among first-year students, there is a process of self-affirmation in the group. At this time, the motivation of their behavior is greatly influenced by temperament, character traits and level of education. Researchers indicate that first-year students are characterized by a heightened sense of self-esteem, maximalism, categorical and unambiguous moral criteria, assessment of facts, events, and their behavior. The rationalism and reluctance to take everything for granted, characteristic of this period, creates distrust in elders, including university teachers. By the senior year, students' interpersonal interactions become more conscious; microgroups are formed on the principle of interpersonal compatibility, in which interpersonal conflicts become a rare occurrence. Conflicts are resolved by the students themselves, but may end in a break in relations.
The most common cause of conflicts between students and teachers is inadequate assessment of students' knowledge. In such situations, the subjective side may be the student’s biased claims for a higher grade and the subjectivity of the teacher who underestimates the student’s grade. There are teachers who almost never give an “excellent” grade; they are convinced that only they themselves know the subject perfectly. Such a teacher is constantly in a conflict situation with students. The assessment can be influenced by the student’s personal qualities, his behavior during lectures and practical classes (replicas, bickering, entering into disputes).
Sometimes students, considering the assessment of their knowledge inadequate, come into conflict with the teacher in an open form, but more often the student takes with him hidden forms of protest in the form of negative feelings: mistrust, hatred, hostility, jealousy, thirst for revenge, etc., which he shares with everyone around you or on forums of student sites on the Internet.
Interpersonal conflicts with colleagues and management also exist among higher education teachers. Contradictions may arise due to a divergence of opinions on some problem discussed at the department, not necessarily scientific, for example, when discussing the requirements of labor discipline (these are various types of duty, duty days, etc.); due to the uneven distribution of the teaching load, especially in cases where the opportunity for additional income is provided.
If conflict situations during student-student interaction are resolved by the students themselves, then the resolution of interpersonal conflicts at the teacher-student level takes on more complex forms. The main role in their prevention and resolution is played by the teacher, who can use for this purpose some mandatory methods and requirements in these cases:
v when reporting a student, it is necessary to psychologically position him towards the most possible fruitful answer, to exclude the occurrence of a stressful situation;
v in case of an unsatisfactory answer, the student must realize that his answer does not satisfy the teacher, but does not meet the requirements of the program;
v Insulting a student is not allowed in any form or for any reason.
Prevention of conflict situations in the interaction between teacher - teacher, teacher - management depends on many factors, including the following:
the manager’s competencies and his art of managing interpersonal interactions;
high level of personal development of each teacher;
providing opportunities for the realization of the creative potential of each participant in the study group;
equal distribution of workload among all teachers;
continuous improvement of methods of interaction with trainees;
friendly interpersonal interaction cultivated at the department between the head and leaders.
Many people believe that sexual incompatibility between partners is just a myth. Only doctors and psychologists are not mistaken when they claim that this is one of the most common reasons for the breakdown of relationships after emotional incompatibility.
As they say: forewarned is forearmed. So let's study the problem together from all sides in order to take a closer look at our relationships in time and draw the right conclusions from each conflict situation.
What is sexual (gender) incompatibility?
Scientists have not yet confirmed that it exists. Tiresome debates are still going on, where the opposing side believes that sexual incompatibility does not exist, and it’s all about simple illiteracy. This applies not only to relationships in bed, but also to the scarcity of a person’s emotional life. Only impotence, frigidity and similar deviations are considered a medical problem.
Sexologists believe that in 80% of cases, incompatibility is a fictitious disease and can be eliminated with their help or with the participation of a psychologist. Biological incompatibility occurs only in 20% of cases.
To cope with this problem, it is worth delving deeper into it and getting to the root of it. Qualified specialists or specialized literature can help with this.
Myths about the causes of sexual incompatibility
Many couples believe that the following can interfere with their sex life:
- Different temperament
- Incompatible daily routine and biorhythm
- Differences in ideas about sex life
Sexologists claim that all these reasons have no basis. If a couple has a misunderstanding, this indicates their immaturity in terms of sex education.
It would seem that if everything is far-fetched, then solving the problem is simple. In fact, everything is not like that. As practice shows, a person is able to make a molehill out of a molehill. In this case, we often observe the destruction of relationships that are heating up to the limit.
If you are faced with such a situation, the only solution is to visit a sexologist. It must be joint, since the problem is common.
What can cause sexual incompatibility between partners?
Despite the fact that most of the reasons are far-fetched, there are also real ones that can become a serious problem in the family life of a couple, including the inability to conceive a child. Let's look at the most common of them.
Improper sexual intercourse
The title of this section should not be taken literally. This is not about the correct technique of sexual intercourse, but rather about a conflict of interest. The fact is that each person achieves sexual pleasure differently. If one partner does not take into account the wishes of the other, misunderstandings may arise.
Often one of them does not understand why the partner was dissatisfied, because, in his opinion, everything went well. If the situation is not discussed and the wishes of both parties are not accepted, the situation may escalate.
Sexologists say that women often face misunderstandings, since it seems to a man that all his actions are aimed at satisfying both. In practice this is not entirely true. This behavior is explained by physiology and biological instincts, which are more aggressive in the stronger sex. There are several tips to help avoid negative consequences:
- A man should learn to control himself, his instincts and emotions, and always remember about a woman, even during times of maximum arousal.
- Excitement must be controlled. This is the only way a couple can achieve simultaneous orgasm, that is, joint satisfaction.
- Both men and women should not be ashamed of their desires. Rather, guide each other.
In this way, the couple will be able to cope with the problem or prevent it from entering their lives altogether.
Anatomical incompatibility
In some cases, the physiology of partners can become an obstacle to their full sexual life. If a man's penis is too large (more than 10 cm), some women experience discomfort.
Advice! Don't be upset and don't even need to go to the doctor. It is easy to cope with this problem on your own, since after some time the woman’s vagina reaches the desired size and harmony occurs in the couple’s relationship. In addition, you can always choose the most pleasant poses and even specially designed exercises that your doctor can introduce you to.
Psychological incompatibility
This type of incompatibility actually has nothing to do with the psyche. The problem is not in the head, but in incorrect behavior, which is the result of incorrect sex education or lack thereof. Some have puritanical views on sex, others have more liberated ones, and in order to find a middle ground in this, it is important to come to mutual understanding.
Advice! The problem is completely solvable, but you will have to work on yourself. You can do this yourself or with the help of a qualified sexologist.
Psychophysiological incompatibility
A rather rare phenomenon, which is most often the result of differences in temperaments. One partner may experience sexual desire much more often than the other, and on this basis conflicts arise that can lead to a breakup.
Advice! Again, the problem is completely solvable. The best thing to do is to talk frankly with each other. It is important to understand why one partner has increased and the other has decreased sexual desire and determine a line of behavior that will not run counter to the interests of each.
Physiological sexual incompatibility of partners
As we said at the beginning of the article, this is a very rare phenomenon, but it still happens. The most common result of physical incompatibility is infertility. In addition to the fact that the causes of infertility can be various dysfunctions (uterine defects, pathologies of the fallopian tubes, hormonal imbalances, testicular injuries, impotence), which can be cured and conceive a child, there is such a thing as immunological incompatibility. This is what we will talk about.
Immunological infertility occurs in six out of a hundred couples and has two types.
Incompatibility as a result of hormonal imbalance.
In this case, the problem is not far-fetched, but is the result of serious hormonal imbalances in the body. As a result, the couple cannot get pregnant, since the female body simply destroys male sperm, preventing them from reaching the “target”. He simply perceives them as foreign cells.
Genetic incompatibility
If a man has a positive Rh factor and a woman has a negative Rh factor, the chances of miscarriage increase, since the body will kill fertilized cells.
There are many ways to overcome the problem, so do not rush to get a divorce if something suddenly goes wrong. It is better to consult a doctor, since modern treatment methods, if not guarantee, then give a chance to hope.
No theory created
- Tatyana Nikolaevna, what is psychological incompatibility?
Just imagine: two people meet, a man and a woman, fall in love, it seems to them that their love is fantastically eternal and nothing can break or destroy it. Time passes. And they begin to have the feeling that something important is being lost. Outwardly, this may look different: from betrayal and scandals to the inability to have a child. As practice shows, very often passionate love is not the key to a successful family life in the future. Strong emotions can interfere with partners’ orientation to personal characteristics or will be of a secondary nature; they reduce the accuracy of relationships and mutual understanding, and contribute to the idealization of the partner. And then in the column “reason for divorce” it is written “the characters did not agree,” and in the near-psychological literature this is called psychological incompatibility.
Experts believe that psychological incompatibility is an unsuccessful combination of temperaments and characters of interacting persons, a contradiction in life values, ideals, motives, goals of activity, a discrepancy in worldviews, ideological attitudes, etc. The fact is that these characteristics are innate, like color eyes, and therefore unchanged. In contrast to personal characteristics, which can be corrected, of course, if desired by the person himself, and not by his environment.
How long has humanity been concerned with this problem?
In general, for the first time in world history, incompatibility - a set of factors that impede the harmony of a human couple - was seriously discussed in the century before last. One of the ideologists of incompatibility was a teacher from Austria, Friedrich Telcher, who is considered the founder of the theory of three biorhythms. The essence of the theory is this: the manifestation of human activity (intellectual, emotional and physical) has a rhythmic nature. Each of us has our own rhythm, calculated over several days or months. Compatibility of human biorhythms is the key to harmonious relationships.
The intellectual rhythm (33 days) can conventionally be called masculine. It is responsible for the ability to assimilate, remember and operate with information. In his jurisdiction: logic, memory, reaction. If these partners’ rhythms are incompatible (for example, a woman’s intellectual abilities increase the same indicators in a man), poor health and low self-esteem are guaranteed for the husband. According to experts, a man tries to eliminate stress from a feeling of intellectual imbalance (incompatibility of abilities) with the help of a glass or another woman. If the rhythms coincide, new horizons open up for partners. A feeling of confidence and stability appears, self-development and professional improvement are activated.
The emotional rhythm (28 days) is considered feminine - and the degree of its compatibility has a greater impact on the weaker sex. This rhythm controls the senses. And if, for example, a husband is not able to keep his emotions on the same wavelength as his wife, if in life together he values other sensory manifestations, it is worth talking about incompatibility. This compatibility is very important for a woman. After all, the only thing she expects from her beloved is complete unity in the sensual sphere. Even in a criminal with the same rhythms as her, she will look for positive traits - and she will find them. The coincidence of physical biorhythms (23 days) means health and full sex. Their incompatibility is in the sphere of intimate relationships. Do periods of excitement and calm occur at different times? Neither knowledge of Indian technology nor Viagra will help. We must not forget that up to 58% of marriages break up due to sexual disharmony. Spouses are not always aware of the causes of severe discord in family relationships; the reason often sounds like dissimilarity of characters, while the issue is not in character, but in sexual differences.
Fireworks and passion
Zhanna: “I’ve been married for five years, and for five years with my husband there’s been continuous squabbles, either he has complaints against me, or I have complaints. We tried to separate several times, once we even filed for divorce, and we are still together. And everything always ends in stormy reconciliation and mutual declarations of love. Anyone would go crazy from such a relationship. I don’t want anything stormy anymore, I want a normal, trusting relationship, he says that he, too, is tired of living like this. But we can't do anything. But we both already had experience in previous relationships, he was even married before me, I gave birth to a daughter without a husband. But still the world does not accept us. Everything is calm for a month or two, and then scandals begin again.”
Zhanna, paradoxically, psychological discrepancies often occur in the same types. At first they feel good because they are so similar, but after a while the two leaders begin to throw scandals at each other, like you, for example. And two sluggish, uninitiative phlegmatic people will die of melancholy, looking at each other, because every day is like sleep in a pioneer camp. It seems that you both expect fireworks and passion from a relationship, which is why you provoke each other into scandals. Maybe you and your spouse should try some extreme hobbies like skydiving or rafting? Or maybe you should open a family business so that your joint energy can go in a constructive direction? And then the release of adrenaline will occur in a more natural way.
Forward to the assault
Alexey: “My wife and I dated for two years, then we decided to get married, she did not agree. I persuaded her, and now for a whole year everything has been going towards the point that we will have to separate. I think it's her fault. And she is like me. The fact is that, despite the fact that she got married, she still had all the habits of an unmarried woman. She can spend the evening with her friends without telling me. And then she’s surprised that I’m swearing because of her late return, and she doesn’t like exactly what I like - meetings with my relatives. My parents are offended by her such an indifferent and dismissive attitude, but she simply says that she doesn’t want to and that’s it, she doesn’t even meet me halfway in anything. And I love my wife very much, but nothing works out for us.”
Alexey, it is difficult to maintain relationships between people who have little in common and too many differences in emotional reactions, tastes, interests, desires, views, goals, characters. You belong, figuratively speaking, to different worlds. By all indications, you should not have united. It gives the impression of an artificial family union. Therefore, your quarrels may strike you with absurdity, absurdity and insignificant reasons for conflict. They can be avoided or at least reduced and thereby resolve the conflict in the family, but only if one of the spouses begins to work on himself, making heroic efforts to curb his character. Are you ready to perform several feats every day? Then go ahead and storm the fortress called “psychological incompatibility.”
Good porridge
Daria: “My husband loves companies, loves to be the center of attention. And I don’t like it when they look at me and discuss me later. But my husband doesn’t understand this, he laughs at me, calls me a “village.” And what, I wonder, is so “urban” about the fact that, despite the fact that he does not tolerate alcohol well, he still drinks? Only because he cannot refuse his friends, only because he is afraid of not being able to do something in time. And he recently said that he didn’t notice how his daughter grew up, she’s already ten years old, and he’s confused about naming her birthday correctly. But his friends are the center of his attention, although they have nothing in common except drinking and barbecue.”
Daria, it seems that you and your spouse belong to different worlds. You need to work a lot on your relationship, on the one hand, bringing your interests, activities, hobbies and goals closer together, and on the other, cultivating tolerance for differences on a psychological level. It is also important to work on maintaining at least approximate unity in the emotional mood: if the husband is an optimist, active and positive, and the wife is a skeptic and a pessimist, then it is unlikely that you will cook a good porridge from this emotional discord. If you seriously work on yourself in a relationship, then psychological incompatibility can gradually become a good compatibility between people who value each other.
Partners only
- Tatyana Nikolaevna, is it possible to turn this very psychological incompatibility into its opposite?
Psychological incompatibility is a characteristic that manifests itself in conditions of long-term interaction, in which manifestations of stable character traits lead to long-term and insoluble contradictions without external intervention. To some extent, manifestations of incompatibility can be smoothed out by reducing the intensity of communication and increasing the distance, which, unfortunately, is unlikely in a marriage. In fact, only partners can decide whether this incompatibility is solvable or not; a psychologist cannot give categorical recommendations like “You are incompatible!” According to psychiatrist and sexologist, candidate of psychological sciences Dili Enikeeva, there is only one type of incompatibility that is worth being upset about - aversion, which is literally “disgust” in French.
Then the nausea can be real. Well, for example, if he is an alcoholic or does not wash his feet at night. A woman can evoke the same feeling in a man if she smells of sweat, doesn’t take care of her body, and turns into a slut. If you have doubts about compatibility in marriage, you should not suffer and blame fate. Some types of disharmony can be eliminated. Patience and faith in love will help. After all, the desire to maintain a cordial union is the best guarantee of victory over any incompatibility, including psychological.
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Psychological incompatibility and compatibility are very interesting concepts, because each of us knows that it is easy and pleasant to communicate with some people, but almost unbearable with others. In this context, it is very important to understand what psychological compatibility is.
Same and different
Each person is an individual personality with a certain set of character traits, habits, values, attitudes, etc. Depending on this, he selects his social circle and can easily or difficultly get along with other people.
By the way, the ability to understand a partner is influenced by various factors: age, social status, education, cultural level, etc. If all this is too different between people, then they can often have disagreements, and vice versa, if people have a lot in common, then we can talk about socio-psychological compatibility. This is a very multifaceted concept, one might even say multi-level.
In relationships between people, in terms of psychological compatibility, temperaments play a big influence. Imagine a sociable, quick in his thoughts and actions, explosive choleric person. For example, it is very difficult for him to communicate with phlegmatic people who are focused on their own thoughts, are somewhat withdrawn and cannot easily switch from one thing to another.
But not everything depends only on temperament or character. The level of cultural and personal development is very important. Psychological compatibility of people is possible when they have common ideas about life and agree on expectations from each other.
Team
Therefore, it is not surprising that many people prefer a good work environment with lower earnings to high earnings and a bad team. For them, a good emotional environment, a positive mood, mutual assistance and understanding are more important than career growth and money.
In order for the team to function most optimally, psychologists advise managers, directors and other senior employees when selecting personnel to take into account not only the level of education, professional knowledge, skills and abilities, but also what kind of mutual understanding they have, how they interact with each other, etc. .e. Is there psychological compatibility and workability between them?
By the way, the number of employees will also affect the mood: for a large organization the problem of psychological compatibility is not as acute as for a team of up to 10 people. It is very important for a small group to feel well emotionally. For such a team, professional skills are not so important, because they can be learned in the course of life, but character, temperament, habits and values are almost impossible to change.
Incompatibility
Members of the team do not treat each other as comrades and friends, they do not respect each other, and sometimes they simply hate each other and try to put a spoke in each other’s wheels. In such conditions, people not only experience a lot of negative emotions, but ultimately this has an extremely negative impact on their productivity and the activities of the company as a whole.
Psychologists identify several main types of psychological incompatibility:
- Psychophysiological – intolerance to the physical characteristics of another person. For example, one may be annoyed by another loudly stirring sugar with a spoon in a glass, while another may hate the smell of the other's cologne.
- Socio-psychological – occurs when roles are unfairly distributed in a team. For example, the head of a department is a person who does not correspond to the position held and does not have the appropriate level of knowledge.
- Ideological – when beliefs, values and worldviews do not coincide. For example, one person is a racist, but those around him do not understand; one or more members of the team are avid communists, while others are representatives of the democratic party. In this case, ideology can influence relationships and even work productivity.
All of the above interferes with the interaction of team members. And by and large, the incompatibility of worldviews sometimes leads to civil wars and revolutions.
Family life
In family life, compatibility is also extremely important. It can be described by two characteristics - psychological and physiological. In the first case, we are talking about how emotionally satisfied a person is with his partner, and in the second - mostly intimate intimacy is meant - about the harmony of caresses and mutual satisfaction from intimacy. It is worth noting that normal married life is impossible without spiritual and everyday compatibility.
Let us note that optimal relationships in marriage develop between those spouses whose roles are correctly distributed and no conflicts arise. By the way, if we talk about temperaments, psychologists consider the most successful union between (husband) and (wife). Their compatibility in marriage is considered the best.
If the marriage was concluded between a sanguine person, then there is no need to talk about the duration and strength of such a union. Both of them are strong personalities, are little willing to make concessions, and often compete for power and leadership in the family. It turns out that one of them will definitely win, and the second will have to put up with his opinion. Ultimately, this does not lead to anything good.
To summarize, let's say that psychological compatibility is possible when people have approximately the same values, interests, goals, lifestyle, cultural development, education, etc. However, in real life this does not always happen, and in order for life to be more harmonious, we have to be more tolerant of each other. Author: Elena Ragozina
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