A person cannot live without love, this has long been known. There are, of course, such "instances" whose meaning of life is unclear and they simply exist in this world, not showing high feelings either to people or to anything at all. Love "inspires" people, inspires, gives confidence and strength. We are talking not only about sexual attraction, but also about high platonic love that does not require anything in return. It is possible to satisfy sexual desires and still not be a loving happy person. Let's see why you need to love?
Usually people expect love from their loved ones: from wife, husband, children, relatives and friends. And when something goes wrong, as we would like, resentment and frustration begin. Not a very good deed or an offensive word from a husband or friends causes the deepest mental suffering (children are usually forgiven quickly). Resentments accumulate, relationships deteriorate. For some reason, people remember better the bad, the negative dominates over the positive in memory. Therefore, you need to make great efforts in order to learn to forget insults and love a person, rejoicing that he simply exists and that he is next to you.
Agree that it is not difficult to love an ideal husband, from the point of view of a wife. The problem is that there are no perfect people. This refers to the ideality of relative relatives. And what - everyone else can only soar in the clouds, dreaming to be loved? Of course not. This is a dead end for many people. Instead of waiting, it is better to love yourself and nurture these feelings without demanding anything in return from the object of adoration. Otherwise, you can not wait for love and be unhappy all your life. And anyway, why does anyone have to love you? In general, if you want love, it is better to give it to someone yourself, inspiring others with your example! Here everything will depend on us. You can and should learn to love. Because love is not just falling in love, "breaking the roof" and clouding the mind. True love, on the contrary, enlightens the head and heart, creates the world around us.
How to learn to love? That's a very difficult question. Each of us has the prerequisites for this feeling, you can reveal this hidden potential, or you can dig deeper into this valuable source. But if you think about it carefully, then, whatever one may say, it is better to realize the potential inherent in us in life. After all, it is by its presence in our lives that love helps other people to discover and manifest their love in themselves. A rude husband will become more tender with a loving and affectionate wife. And a loving man “inspires” a woman and she always copes with daily worries and stresses more easily. Love makes us kinder, more open to other people, it enriches our inner world.
Also, love reveals hidden talents in a person and helps to create. Many of the world's artistic masterpieces were created thanks to love - for man and for God.
Love creates and brings a lot into our lives, but hate is not able to create anything worthwhile. Therefore, once again think about why you need to love, and look for this great feeling in yourself.
adminLove brings people together. We are all in search of love throughout life. It begins with motherly love and ends with . And the reason is that a person needs it, he is not able to live without such a feeling. People ask themselves the question, is it necessary at all? What is the meaning of love?
People can't help but love. And if we define love as a need of the soul, the unity of the inner worlds, then there are no barriers to this feeling. But let's talk about love. This feeling is deeper and more even, it implies the highest level of trust.
Why do you need love
If you answer the question why love is needed, then let's take the everyday level, as well as the idea of nature itself. Thus, love acts as a tool of sexual selection among people. Therefore, love is required so that humanity does not suffer over the choice, so that we fall in love with those who truly deserve it.
This is important for nature because humans need to reproduce, and also for the "Man" species to improve through natural selection. Previously, when mostly same-sex creatures lived on the planet, they all constantly multiplied. Such species evolve for a long time. And to speed up this process, people were divided into 2 sexes. But consider other reasons for the need for love:
love is a drug. If you look at this feeling from the side of medicine, then at the moment of its inception, endorphins appear in the body. They induce euphoria and happiness. For this reason, people tend to experience it again and again. Next to a loved one, a person feels better;
love takes away fear. For the sake of loved ones, we are capable of many feats. It is love that deprives people of fear, therefore it is important to appreciate such a feeling;
love inspiration. Regardless of the reciprocity of feelings, love becomes an inspiration. Thanks to her, many great works of art were created;
love helps create miracles. Under the influence of love, people can change a lot. This feeling is not given from birth, but those who received it from their parents receive some benefits. Such people do not have a bouquet of complexes, they grow up with a normal assessment. This is the most correct answer to the question why people need love. Without love, we will become closed, evil, we will. But it is worth falling in love, how we are transformed, changing.
Why does a person need love
Based on the above, let's answer the question why, in fact, a person needs love. This feeling is important so that we can choose for ourselves, with which life, family and offspring will be better. After all, few people fall in love with ugly, weak, stupid people. They have weak genes, so families with them will not be viable.
But the question arises, if we know that it is important to find the best partner, then why are we not able to determine for ourselves who is worth loving and who is not worth loving. In fact, some conscious individuals are able to control their own feelings. And so that ordinary people do not make mistakes, nature does not allow them to control their feelings so easily. She continues to participate in natural selection, in improving the genotype and humanity as a species.
In love, people are looking for something of their own. Aspirations and hopes are often placed on love. If a person has not found happiness in life, then in the absence of a high feeling, he finds a source of problems. If not everything is good in the family, then. There is a confusion here. Love is not always a spontaneous feeling that comes from above. Often it is the result of serious work on oneself, which people do in order to maintain relationships, families.
And we need a family for many reasons. After all, if a person does not have relatives who are ready at any moment to support him, help and become a support, then it is much more difficult for him to decide on something important. We need tenderness and warmth. Only a strong family, which is built on love, can help us.
Love against old age
Tenderness and love are the best remedies against old age. For health, the heart needs love, and it increases the body's resistance to diseases. The phrase "love is submissive to all ages" shows the essence of the problem. But the ardent feeling passes, and true, enduring love remains. The need for intimacy persists into old age.
With age, the brightness and intensity of such experiences weakens a little, but still they are perceived positively. And this is normal for a happy life. People who do not receive love suffer from insomnia. From circulatory disorders, headaches, nervousness. Love helps us stay healthy and vigorous at any age.
3 March 2014, 10:53 to 05.10.2012 
It happens that completely different feelings are mistaken for love. For example, the belief “without this person is not life, but existence” or “I am drawn to him”, no matter how touching it may sound, has nothing to do with love.
Sometimes people mistake for love certain needs or desires associated with another person. After all, would any of us refuse tenderness, care, attention or a sense of security? We ourselves cannot give ourselves such feelings. Someone outsider will be able to admire and appreciate, love and respect, pay attention and care. Love gives a chance to experience almost all of the benefits listed. That is why it is so necessary for everyone, so much so that it is an insistent goal of all life. Although even without love it is quite possible to satisfy some of the listed desires.
If you think that it is impossible to live without a person close to you, first figure out what exactly this “I can’t” is expressed in. It is possible that it is useful to you from a financial point of view, or maybe it gives you a cozy feeling of security. This is not love, this is just the satisfaction of needs.
The main determining factor for this great feeling is the ability to feel the happiness of a loved one and the desire to make this happiness even more complete.
In other words, love is the ability to deliver positive emotions to another person, as well as the ability to experience deep satisfaction from the very fact - "I am loved." It is important that all this is mutual.
Doubt tormented, does the chosen one love you? Consider the questions: “Does he enjoy doing something nice for me? How often does he strive for this? If you do not find answers to these questions, alas, you call something else love.
It turns out that in order to be able to love someone, you need to know his tastes and desires, preferences and aspirations. Try to get to know each other, open yourself to your soul mate. Sometimes we make the mistake of believing that our values and desires are the same with our loved one. In love, it is important not to kill the explorer in yourself who is trying to open the secrets of the soul of another. And your soul should not be closed from your companion's attempt to know it. Without the desire to entrust the most secret, a real feeling cannot exist.
“I love him because he is strong and smart,” we sometimes hear such revelations. In the definition of non-fictional love, there is such a thing as "existential". We love a person not for something specific, but, on the contrary, in spite of everything. And it is impossible to give an intelligible answer to the questions “why?” or "why?", which deal with the causes of love.
It is important to keep the feeling whole, even though it is not easy. Accept your soulmate with all her shortcomings, loving them too, expect from her side exactly the same attitude towards you. Never build a family hearth by calculation. It's like a bargain that suits your personal needs well. A cold consumer's look at feelings will not make them truly warm, consecrated with trust.
Cultivate in your union the main cementing force - sincerity. After all, there are situations when a person prefers to cheat in order to achieve the desired result, thereby deceiving the trust of a partner. Sooner or later, this approach will gradually corrode the feelings. You can not manipulate a person, especially a loved one.
Know how to talk if something disturbing has appeared in your relationship. Decide together what it is, why it is so - and half of the victory over the invisible enemy has already been received. Tell your loved one about your expectations. What I would like more, what doubts torment. Know how to listen to explanations at the expense of your claims. Do not hide your joy and pleasure from small gifts or signs of attention, thank you for your advice and care. Do not try to say something like this: “Well, finally, I thought of it!”, “May it always be like this” and so on.
In all respects there are certain patterns. It is worth remembering them and not being upset that your feelings are going through changes, are being tested for strength. It is just at the beginning that a married couple feels like a single being - with common desires and impulses. Time changes lovers. And it is already becoming important to preserve one's own "I", to be able to defend personal interests. The couple may want to live separately to sort out this new relationship. Such a period is very dangerous for betrayals, when a person just wants to check himself: what will happen to the other (or the other)? And if the relationship has passed the strength test, a new stage in the life of the family begins, when the spouses understand why they should be together, what they want to achieve through joint efforts. They become a team.
No need to succumb to difficulties. At first, lovers think that their feelings are so omnipotent that they can protect a young family from all life's adversities. But problems arise, people begin to doubt the authenticity of feelings. We must remember that life's troubles are inevitable. And it is quite normal for their occurrence in various areas of life together: whether it be domestic misunderstandings, problems based on sex or financial difficulties. You just need to decide for yourself that if such problems are inevitable in any, even the strongest family, they should be solved by joint efforts, and not persistently looking for the culprit in their occurrence.
Feelings cannot be labeled according to a template. Love is different for everyone, but love has its own defining features.
So, 4 components of a genuine feeling
True love is real. And even scientific confirmation of this fact already exists. Stone Book University is based in New York. Its employees set out to prove that love has no statute of limitations. The participants in the experiment were families that were recently created, as well as those that celebrated the 20th anniversary of their life together. The subject of the study was the brain processes recorded using a magnetic resonance imaging scanner. The results were encouraging: every tenth couple with experience showed similar results of tomography with young spouses, that is, their feelings were just as fresh. The conclusion suggests itself that a married couple can keep feelings unchanged even after many years of marriage. After analyzing brain activity, the experiment confirmed this. As experts point out, when one of the elderly couple saw a photo of the other, the chemical reactions that occur in the cerebral cortex were no different from those that were noted in the early stages of love. While other data claimed that a little more than a year of family life leads to the fact that those processes that are responsible for the feeling of falling in love begin to fade, disappearing after about ten years of the couple's life together. It is gratifying that not everything can be explained in terms of science. After all, true love is not afraid of time, it lives in spite of everything.
What signs, according to experts, should be considered the birth of strong and strong love?
First, sincere communication. It's not even about baring the soul. After all, you can’t be too frank with a practically unfamiliar person. No, here, first of all, we mean the ease of communication, the desire to make contact. And the response, which is quite natural in such a situation. And it can take more than a dozen days to dare to open your soul to another person. If from the first minutes of communication you cannot talk enough with each other, this already says a lot.
Second, there is intimacy. It plays an important role in human relations; it cannot be replaced by calling signs at a distance. I like someone at a party, you should not make eyes, smiling mysteriously, it is better to come up and stand next to you.
Third, reciprocity. In psychology, the concept of "resonance" is used. The feelings of one person awaken exactly the same thrill in another. In other words: our confidence that someone likes us is growing, and we begin to like this subject to the same extent. The emotional level significantly brings together.
Fourth, common interests. Subconsciously, we try to join a certain circle of people who share our hobbies. Instinctively, people from this circle attract us more strongly than others. During dating, the same mechanism begins to work. Unconsciously, a person is looking for a partner who would have as many more common features in character, affections, hobbies. The more similar interests two people have, the greater the chance of a strong mutual attraction.
Comments
milagros
19:46 27.09.2013
I love my young man, and I always loved, but he used it, the guy leaves and comes, and then leaves again, and I suffer, I'm afraid that one day he will leave forever. I was already desperate, but I finally got hope. Two weeks later I got the real result, my came and says that he understood how he loves me, only me, I'm shocked, and he opens the box in which the ring was and says: "Will you be my wife?" I stood, and as I scream, "Yes!" We recently got married, everything is fine now ...
Comment edited because it contained a link to a suspicious site.
10:24 27.04.2015
Once upon a time I was in love with one guy and ran after him. He made fun of me and made fun of me, he did not like me. Then, when it seemed to me that there was no chance, I stopped running after him. After a while I got married, I felt sorry for him and wanted to make him happy, but nothing happened, we got divorced, I didn’t want to, I was very scared to be left alone. After a short time, I fell in love, it seemed that he was the one and I tried not to notice him without delivery. We very quickly began to live together and at first I wanted to marry him and we talked about the wedding, but over time this desire began to weaken. I got pregnant, we really wanted a child, because in my first marriage I had a miscarriage, I went away for a whole year and he was diagnosed with infertility. We got married, our relationship only got worse, he was very fond of playing on the computer, and I never saw this car. When a child was born, I realized that I had given birth to him for myself, I was tired of quarrels and frequent scandals and I stopped paying attention to him and what he was doing, stopped asking for his help. She herself didn’t notice how she began to grow cold towards him, when we quarrel, he always talks about a divorce, I used to stop him, but now it’s almost all the same. For some reason, I stopped wanting him to kiss me on the lips and I always turn my cheek to him. Somehow I had to go to my city, because I moved to my husband in another city. And in 2013, the same guy who I really liked began to write, and we very rarely communicated with him in a friendly way on social networks. I arrived in my city, the day before I quarreled with my husband, he sent me and then we reconciled, I often forgive him even the most heinous insults. It seems to me that he behaves this way because he wants to attract my attention but does not know how he is still a child. Somehow, while talking with that guy, I mentioned that I had come to the city, he offered to meet, at first I tried to understand why? I used to be not very beautiful, but over time I got prettier and I used to be obsessed with religion, but now I’m fine with this, before it was difficult to talk with me about anything other than religion. And I thought that he just wants to compare and agreed to a meeting, left the baby with a friend and went to a cafe there, I sold it for 2 hours, considering that I was limited in time. I called him and he said that his car broke down that he ordered a taxi, they arrived only half an hour later and then he got stuck in a traffic jam. It seemed to me that he was sitting at home and laughing at me! My patience snapped and I said that I was waiting for another 10 minutes and I was leaving, I paid off in a cafe and was about to leave and he came! We talked, but time was running out and I had to go, it seemed to me that he liked me. We corresponded all night about me about him about life and he invited me to meet tomorrow first in a cafe and then to his house. I thought if he fell in love, then it would be possible to mock, they say, look what he lost! My husband did not want to call me, and I did not want him. I went to visit him, but talking to one, I realized that I also fell in love or those feelings just didn’t go away and were hidden?! We didn't sleep together, we just talked all night and kissed, the baby was with us. At this time, the husband decided to change to communicate with friends and not sit at the computer to play only on the tablet. We met with him one more time and realizing that we cannot be together because he is studying to become a priest, no one will allow him to marry me. I wanted to leave as soon as possible before it was too late but the baby got sick and we were put in the hospital, he came 2 times. This was a closed department, the husband continued to sort things out. We were discharged a week later, my husband was angry with me that I went for a week and got stuck for two. I saw him two more times before Easter, we rode, kissed, hugged and understood that we had to part because everyone is against our relationship and his dream is to become a priest, we agreed that we would write a report to each other every seven days asking for a feeling or not, because I myself don’t I can understand love or passion? I offered to celebrate Easter together, he said that if I stay, he will take the documents from the seminary and marry me, I could not stay to kill his dream. Would you be able to do that, kill the dream? The next day I called and my husband arrived, I told him everything, he said that he would do everything so that I could be with him. My husband and I went home, he needed sex, and at first I gave him this by force myself, jumping on him trying to forget the other. But our relationship with my husband did not get better, on the contrary, he is hysterical, although he constantly began to help me with the child, we quarrel and I don’t care, I’m trying to get away from it. But my husband is trying to bring me to the irony in every possible way insulting. With whom I fell in love, I write to him at first, we often corresponded, but when I said in a fit that I would not write, he began to answer and write less often. And I write to him about some important or joyful events, he writes that he doesn’t ignore it, but it’s better for me, but it’s better for me if I write to him at least a little, even if he doesn’t answer. Everything has become more difficult with my husband, I can no longer sleep with him and excuses cannot be found all the time. Tell me where is love and where is passion.
17:45 16.09.2016
How can we understand what love is?
Outbursts of passion intoxication
When there are not enough words
All these people are deluded.
Love lives in our hearts
She is the power of light and good
Only he can know it
Who does not harbor evil in his heart,
Who is unable to betray
And always forgive your neighbor
Who endures and knows how to wait
Doesn't hold grudges.
So people know that love
There is a force of truth of light and goodness
And you don't need words to love
Love is given to us by God.
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In the life of every person, sooner or later, someone important, significant, to whom the soul and thoughts are drawn. Sometimes this closeness becomes friendship, sometimes it turns into something more. I really want to distinguish between these two statuses, to learn how to determine which of them is which. “Are there signs of love and what are they?” People have been asking these questions for a long time. How not to get into trouble, not to miss the important things in your life and at the same time not to attach too much importance to the ordinary.
Am I destined to be with this person all my life and live it happily? Or wait for another one that fits even better? When to stop and start appreciating? What is love and how is it real? This is an inner feeling that invariably gives us happiness. As the famous Russian psychologist of our time, Mikhail Labkovsky, said:
“A true feeling can only be happy, the rest will be anything, but not it. It could be neurosis, addiction, hysteria, whatever.”
In passion, a person receives joy, and not sadness, anxiety, jealousy or fear of losing an important person. Something that changes our world, that is so many-sided and many-sided. However, some common basic features inherent in this great feeling can be distinguished.
Let's reveal 5 signs of wonderful interdependence of people.
- Man to man is space. Love is something mysterious, even mystical, which is not always understood. This unknown force of attraction that arises between two people, which has the character of an eternal riddle. No matter what the chemists claim, who allegedly solved her riddle by explaining everything in chemical formulas. But is it really that simple? Psychology from year to year finds new explanations, mechanisms and principles of this emotion, but has not revealed its secret to the end. There is no logic or rational element in the attraction of one person in love to another. Without a doubt, this arises on the basis of archetypes and stereotypes of behavior formed in childhood, helps to receive insufficiently accepted or transmitted parental love. Everyone is looking for in the other what they once did not receive, and sometimes attachment also arises from this. And you can never say with certainty that you understood another, but you can say that you accepted without even understanding.
- Fear of loss. Some people are afraid of losing that one or only one. Some people are afraid of losing themselves in a relationship. When we need another so much that we fall into dependence on a person. At this moment, the unconditional fear of losing it as part of oneself appears. Sometimes the emotion absorbs so much that you even want to push it away, so that it would not be so painful, scary, and so as not to fall completely under the power of another person, completely obeying. Sincere feelings subjugate us completely, and this is also scary and is compared with death, but if you trust this, then new levels of sensations and freedom will open before a person.
- Lack of guarantees and insurance. No one will convince us that this is once and for all, that in a new attraction it will always be comfortable and cozy, that it will be eternal and happy. But we try, and the one who is honest with himself and his partner wins. Often, the sad experience of previous relationships dominates us. A part of the soul is broken and awaits injections, so it is difficult to immerse yourself in a new, albeit promising, emotion and believe: passion, partner, future. But you never know until you try. It is better to regret what you have done than to mourn the missed chance.
- Wish without a doubt. Platonic passion is nothing more than a myth invented by an incompetent person to one degree or another. Deep passion absorbs a person at all levels of existence, including the gross physical. It is physical intimacy that is a vivid manifestation of feeling, and it is not necessary to experience it every moment. Emotions have ups and downs. But physical desire always accompanies her.
- You become alive and meaningful. Penetrating each other, we choose a person to play a major role in our lives. This makes the chosen one or chosen one special not only in our eyes, but also in our own. By exchanging emotions, we give ourselves to each other along with our inner world, thus doubling our worldview.
In addition to deeply internal symptoms, there are external signs of true love - in behavior, aspirations. Here are some signs of a lover:
- Thoughts about this person, which sometimes become so intrusive that there is no room in the head for anything else. This is the most typical thing that happens at this time.
- The desire to spend time together. I want to tell as much as possible about myself and also fully learn everything about the other. I want to spend every minute together, even just to be near.
- Next to an important person for you, you feel comfort and security.
- attitude towards conflicts. For some, their own rightness is so significant that they cease to value and respect other people's opinions and their own happiness. It is more important to resolve the conflict than to defend your point of view and principles.
- Sharing deep emotions. At the same time, lovers are not afraid to open up and show themselves without protections and masks. Here the trust that they have for each other is very important, and which allows them to immerse themselves in the truth of the relationship;
- No interest in others. It's not about complete indifference to the rest of the world, it's just that there is no need to constantly search for another, to attract someone's attention to yourself. The object of sympathy he found is so deep and boundless that he does not want to exchange for the rest.
- Plans for a future life together. At first, it was just good together, but I want to deepen this state and make it more stable. There is a desire to be together all the time, and this already leads to the construction of joint plans. You are ready to accept another into your life not temporarily, but permanently, and you are also ready to enter the life of the chosen one.
If these symptoms are about you, then the world will no longer be the same, and happiness is inevitable.
How to anticipate Her approach
The first signs of love are always the most exciting moment in its inception. Is it possible to determine the signs of approaching love? You can listen to yourself and notice the birth of a new one, catch in yourself the signs of a person in love: goosebumps in the presence of a chosen one or chosen one, longing in anticipation of the appearance, increased heart rate only at the thought of the very object of sighing.
Or look out in nature and surrounding events for sure signs that She is already close. And then interpret dreams: a full moon, a bouquet of white flowers donated by a stranger, a candle in the hands of another. Finding someone on the street for a lost wedding invitation or wedding accessory is a sure sign of an upcoming connection. Or in the spring, take every breath of fresh wind as a chance for the light and sincere to come into life, waiting for it with all your heart and bringing it closer with your readiness.
Jealousy and passion
What is the most obvious sign of true feeling?
There are people who believe that jealousy is a sign of love. Usually it is practically not inherent in people who are self-confident. In fact, if you allow another to choose, you give the right to a personal opinion, then there is no place left for jealousy. There is no jealousy while there is a deep passion, and even more so when it has already disappeared.
Is jealousy a manifestation of sincere affection or one's own complex, going shoulder to shoulder with someone else's complex? A destructive feeling that reduces one of the partners to a state of ownership, and the other, respectively, the owner. A healthy and self-confident person does not need to constantly monitor his companion, convince himself that there is no double bottom and a threat to your relationship behind words, gestures and attention to other people.
"Love" is a very interesting word. We say it quite often. "I like chocolate". "I don't like oatmeal." "I love Sasha". "I Love Mom". "I do not like rain". But if we are asked what “love”, “love” is, we are unlikely to be able to give a quick and clear answer. And of course, different people will give different answers. Perhaps you have never thought about this topic. “What is there to think? Don't I know what love is?
On the one hand, you are right. Love is inherent in all of us, love is a natural state of man. On the other hand, the average modern man has gone so far from his natural state that there is little love left in him. And the word " love" has survived in the language. That's what they call any affection.
However, this is not only a problem of modern man. Delusions have always existed. Remember the story of Romeo and Juliet? In ancient times, this story was composed, but even then the author called the relationship of the characters love. But was there really love in Romeo and Juliet's relationship?
Alas, art has the ability to convincingly present lies as truth. Trusting the beauty of art, we involuntarily trust the thoughts of the author. And the author does not have to be a sage and a know-it-all. For us to remember him centuries later, he must be a brilliant artist, nothing more. How many artists of all times and peoples are misleading us, poetizing their delusions of youth!
The geniuses of ancient times are echoed by the modern "pop" of all genres, which will be forgotten faster than dirty puddles dry up in sunny weather. But we trust this foam too. And how not to believe if everyone sings the same thing?
Let's dispel this romantic fog and talk about love soberly and seriously.
What is love
Love belongs to the sphere of non-material, to the spiritual area of our life. And the spiritual is cognizable by us only in part. No one can say that he knows everything about love. But, nevertheless, many properties of love are known, some patterns of its strengthening and disappearance. And the knowledge of these individual qualities of love is of great value for that person who wants to love and be loved.
What love is not
Let us begin by considering those qualities or definitions that are unfairly attributed to love.
"Love is just a side effect of sex drive."
This delusion does not deserve even detailed consideration. Its fallacy is already obvious from the fact that there is love between parents and children, love between friends, and people with an undeveloped or extinct sexual sphere are also capable of loving. Love can be directed to objects with which sexual interaction is impossible. Condolences to those who think so.
"Love is a feeling."
Certain feelings are just one of the qualities of love. It is more correct to say that love is a state.
When a person is in a state of love, he is in this state entirely, and his whole life changes. He has more love for all people. He awakens new talents or flourishes previously discovered. He has more vitality.
If there are only feelings, but not all these changes, this is not love.
"Love is passion." "Love is torture." "Love is pain". "Love is a disease."
This is the most common mistake, so let's take a closer look at it.
The root of this mistake is in our childhood. Unfortunately, almost all of us are unloved children. Very few can boast that their parental family was perfect. That mom and dad were each other's first and last. That they were always together and truly loved each other and us children, giving us the necessary fullness of their time and their love.
And if we have received at least a little less, then, without realizing it, we are trying to compensate for this in love relationships. That is, to compensate with the love of other people for us the love that was not received from our parents. If in love a person strives more to give, think and take care of the happiness of a loved one, then in passion a person engages in vampirism. In passion, we tensely control how they treat us, whether they give everything to us, whether they let someone else into our hearts. Passion is characterized by jealousy, imaginary sacrifice (or salvation), when we are ready to do a lot for a person, but in exchange we demand his soul, completely depriving him of his freedom. Passion is selfishness, and selfishness is the opposite of love.
And who likes that they deprive him of his freedom, jealous, demanding, pulling all the juices?
Therefore, passion relationships are always painful. Where there is passion, there is torment, and pain, and illness.
The saddest thing is that all the love hopes of a passionate person are doomed from the start. With the help of other people, parental love cannot be repaid. Everything falls through like a leaky vessel. You need to close the gap first...
Great dislike in childhood leads to intense passion, which psychologists call addiction. The expression of this passion can be not only love addiction, but also drug, alcohol, gaming, etc. These are diseases. And, unfortunately, very common. There are far more dependent people than people who truly love. Therefore, the voice of addicts is louder. Their untruth about love is more widespread than the truth of those who know how to love.
Romeo and Juliet also suffered from love addiction. This can be judged already by their gloomy end. Love does not hurt or kill. Love is a creative state. The lover is already happy that there is a loved one, that he is alive and well, that there is love. And addiction requires possession. Addiction torments and often leads a person to thoughts of suicide. However, Shakespeare's work speaks enough about the dislike of these unfortunate young people by the parents. Therefore, the whole picture of the disease is obvious - from the beginning to the end.
"Everyone can love."
Rain falls on everyone from time to time, but water is retained only in the whole vessel. From the leaky one, it quickly flows out. Therefore, only spiritually holistic, adult people are capable of loving. To gain the ability to love, you need to grow up, conquer your addictions and passions.
"There is love at first sight."
There is love at first sight. But the path from falling in love to love is long and difficult. According to psychologists, true love comes on average 15 years after the start of family life.
"Sex does not interfere with love, but rather helps."
People are constantly looking for excuses for their weaknesses. “The fact that I often eat sweets has nothing to do with the fact that I have an extra 15 kg of weight. I'm just not lucky with the figure. “The fact that I allowed intimate relationships with men has nothing to do with the fact that I still cannot create a normal family. I'm just unlucky in my personal life."
Actually, it's connected. The fact that for several millennia of human history women who lost their virginity were not married was not some kind of taboo taken from the ceiling. People knew for sure that family life with such a woman would differ in quality from life with the one who was married to a virgin. With her, such love will not work, such a family will not work.
There are psychological explanations for this phenomenon. They say that a woman will remember previous men. They say that, having shown weakness before marriage, she can show it in marriage, that is, change.
But there is also something on a spiritual level. Sexual intercourse between a man and a woman is not a purely physiological process. It somehow affects spiritual structures, forming invisible bonds between people.
Many women remember that their first man was very important in their life. If it was a relationship of love, and virginity was lost, then parting was experienced by them very hard. If there was no sexual intercourse, the separation was much easier. This means that intimacy formed an invisible but strong bond between them.
It's great if this strong connection is with the person with whom you want to live your whole life - with your husband. And if not? With the second man, the connection is already weaker, with the third - even weaker. What kind of connection do you have with your husband? 3rd or 10th?
If Bulgakov's words about sturgeon are true, that it is only of the first grade and no one else, then about love relationships - even more so. And our ancestors agreed only on the first grade. And we, imagining ourselves as gourmets and subtle connoisseurs of various benefits and conveniences that civilization gives us, in the most important thing, often eat just garbage.
Of course, all of the above applies to men as well. Indeed, at the second end of the invisible thread emanating from the woman is a man. Therefore, a man is no less responsible for maintaining his purity than a woman.
What happens? The husband is connected with several women by connections of past intimate relationships. These women are still connected with someone. The wife is also connected with several men. And they are not the last in the chain. It turns out that we do not have families, but some kind of perverted super-Swedish families. In them, we are invisibly united with people, some of whom we might not even shake hands with ...
There are no scientific explanations for this phenomenon. But the fact remains, and everyone can see its confirmation in their lives: with each new intimate relationship, we waste something in our souls, and it is more and more difficult for us to love. Each new crush (accompanied by sex outside of marriage) is inferior to the first love. At the same time, passions may increase, but passion will not replace love for us ...
The path to love is not through sex, but through friendship. The reason that people are in a hurry to get closer physiologically, psychologists call their inability to get closer spiritually. People, especially young people, have not learned to communicate, to talk. They know how to get close only in the most primitive way. But, alas, sex without communication, without friendship, is not much different from masturbation ...
I understand that most of you reading this article are no longer virgins. Don't be discouraged! Fortunately, spiritual injuries are treatable—by spiritual means. Although, like bodily treatment, such treatment requires time and labor. The integrity of the soul can be restored, invisible bonds can be broken.
The path to healing is repentance. It is necessary to stop repeating old mistakes and repent. The amount of labor is proportional to the number of crimes committed against one's soul. I don't know if complete healing is possible without such sacraments of the Orthodox Church as confession and communion. With them, it's definitely possible.
What love really is
"The lover seeks to give, not to receive."
If a passionate, dependent person has nothing but a hole in his spiritual body, and therefore is a consumer, then the lover has in himself a source of warmth and light. And he who has a source of light in himself cannot but shine.
The sacrifice of a loving person, in contrast to the false, selfish sacrifice of an addict, is sincere. The lover does not count what he has given, and does not bill the beloved. It is important for him that his beloved be happy in the highest sense of the word. His joy is to please his beloved.
"Love does not limit freedom."
Being independent, self-sufficient (he does not need anything from his beloved), the lover is free himself and does not seek to limit the freedom of his beloved. His sun is with him in any case, therefore, no matter what the beloved does, his “sun” remains with the lover.
Of course, a lover seeks to be with his beloved, but not to such an extent as to violate the freedom of a loved one.
"Love is the pinnacle of virtue."
Love is the highest of the good qualities of a person. Perfect love includes all virtues. If even one vice has been preserved in a person, his love can no longer be perfect.
Here is how the apostle Paul enumerates the good properties of love: “Love is long-suffering, kind, love does not envy, love does not exalt itself, does not pride itself, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; covers everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything. Love never fails” (1 Cor. 13:4-8).
Why is love incompatible with evil? Because if there is something evil, this evil will manifest itself in relationships with those whom we seek to love. Suppose a husband loves his wife. But not free from such vice as envy. And it will happen that his wife will achieve great success in the professional field. And in some social circle she will be given more respect than her husband. Because of his envy, the husband will resent his wife, hold a grudge. His love will suffer damage because it is imperfect.
If there are several vices? Love is doomed...
And imagine the person whom the apostle Paul describes. He is patient, merciful, not envious, not selfish, not selfish, always calm, does not suspect others of something bad, does not gloat, covers up the mistakes of others with silence or a kind word, trusts others and hopes for them, endures all difficulties. Agree, you can live with such a person. And as with a friend, and as with a spouse, and as with a father or mother. With such a person it is good, his love is reliable. It is impossible to quarrel with him! And it is easy for us to love him - with friendly, conjugal or filial love.
"Love is a gift from God."
Our understanding of love will be flawed if we limit ourselves to the idea that love is within us, and do not think about where it comes from to us, where it even came from. After all, the data of modern science refute the possibility of spontaneous generation of a living cell from nothing. They also refute the possibility of the appearance of a person by an evolutionary path uncontrolled from the outside (the universe does not yet exist for as long as it would take for this, according to the theory of probability). And even more so, there is no reason to believe that such a miracle as love appeared by itself, as a result of accidents at the micro or macro biological level.
The only theory of the origin of love known to mankind is that love is given to us by God. By His love and infinite creative power, we were created by Him. Out of love for us, in order to save us, He sent His Son to us to preach and heal our sins of suffering. Those properties of love that we know, and which we have listed above, fully correspond to the properties of God. God loves us selflessly. He wants nothing from us, except that we be happy. He does not depend on us. He shines on all of us, both evil and good, giving us all the blessings of the earth. He is merciful and easily forgives us. He gave us a complete, even terrible degree of freedom.
And love for another person He gives us. What is love? Perhaps this is a look at another person through the eyes of God. God, under external dirt and tinsel, sees in us an immortal, beautiful soul. He sees not only how badly we live, but also how beautiful we are in separate moments of life and could always be. Mutual love is when God opens two people's eyes to each other. He, as it were, puts us on his knees opposite each other, hugs us and says: “Look, children, this is what you really are!”
It is no coincidence that in mutual love a person who loves us helps to reveal our talents and good qualities: after all, he sees all the good that is in us, almost as clearly as God Himself.
And holy people love everyone. This means that, being in God, they see through the eyes of God of all people. And that's why they love us so much that it's strange even to us how it is possible to love us like that. After all, it would seem that we ourselves know what we are. And for some reason, God values the soul of each person more than the whole universe!
"Love is almost always mutual."
Since love is given by a God who wants us to be happy, it is not surprising that true love is almost always reciprocated. In rare cases, non-reciprocal love can be given to a person to solve important creative problems, to comprehend some truths.
In most cases of "unrequited love" we are dealing not with love, but with passions.
Does love depend on us
I have singled out this question because it is the most practical of all questions related to love.
If we accept the truth that love is the pinnacle of virtues, we will have to abandon the myth that love is like good weather, it comes and goes on its own, regardless of our desire. This myth is invented in order to relieve oneself of responsibility for the murder of love. After all, we are able to recover from vices and acquire virtues. If we don't, we kill love. Love cannot stand our evil. Annoyed by our passions, we jump off the knees of God (after all, He has given us complete freedom, He does not keep us by force from Himself) and stop seeing each other through His eyes. And after close communication, we now see each other's shortcomings much more clearly! ..
What are we focusing on in our lives at the moment when we fall in love? On a career, on pleasures, on making money, on creativity, on some kind of success, on fluttering in the networks of some kind of addiction.
This means that we are almost never worthy of the love that we receive for nothing. After all, everything we are concerned about does not lead us to the virtues, and therefore does not bring us closer to love.
I am deeply amazed when I think about the faith of God in us, His patience and love, which prompts Him to give us a spark of His love again and again. After all, He knows how we will dispose of this love in most cases.
How should we, in theory, treat this gift of love, which "accidentally appeared"? Realizing that love is the most beautiful and valuable thing in our life, we should immediately reconsider the priorities of our activities. When a child is born, much in the life of parents is pushed aside, giving way to caring for him. Likewise with love. When love came, it's time to realize that love came when we were completely unprepared for it! Because we have few virtues, which means that we do not know how to love. It's like the lack of food for the child from the parents. Of course, we will put in the first place work on ourselves, caring for love. Otherwise, this child will die of starvation. Otherwise this love will die.
This is what we should do if we understand anything in this life.
How do we really do it? In most cases, for us, falling in love is just an opportunity to get another pleasure, the pleasure of sex with a person who is especially pleasant to us. Instead of cultivating virtues in oneself, one gets an increase in the vice of fornication. This is the same as taking a newborn child by the legs - and head against a stone. What care is there for his food, what are you talking about! ..
How God believes in us, how He endures this and still gives us sparks of love!
Or maybe he doesn’t give it to many, knowing what they will do? Maybe that's why many people say that there is no love, or they only know passion, that the sparks of love never reached them?
Even if you belong to these last ones, all is not lost for you. Let's start learning to love now, overcoming our vices, and God will give us His spark. And if we intensify our work when falling in love comes, then we will keep it and in time we will know the depth of true love.
How to work on yourself?
You need to overcome bad habits and do good deeds. Good deeds - only really good ones - are necessary to bring us closer to love. Because a person usually does good out of love. And if we, not yet having love in ourselves, are already trying to do good, love gradually grows in us.
But what if you are already married and are afraid of losing the love that you have?
If you are afraid of losing, then you will find the courage to work. Family life is in itself a school of love. She constantly, several times a day, puts us before the question: “Who will I obey, my love or my vices?” This question arises when the wife asks (or does not ask) to take out the trash can when we are lying on the couch. This question arises when the husband came home late from work. This question always arises when our selfishness tries to get the better of our love. Always say to yourself, "I choose love." As one well-known person confessed in his essay, he, after many trials of family life, made it a rule never to allow himself to say even mentally about his wife: "I do not love." This is a wonderful recipe. It just means that a person always chooses love between passions and love. He made this a rule for himself, because he knows that he wants to keep this love for life. It takes effort and patience. But love rewards all efforts with a vengeance!
Overcoming love addiction
To the question of how to overcome the tendency to love addiction, I will answer with a figurative example.
Imagine two countries - Russia and Belarus. Russia has oil fields, Belarus does not. Therefore, Belarus is dependent on oil supplies from Russia. This is an unpleasant state for Belarus, which leads to conflicts between the two countries.
How can Belarus get out of this dependence?
Whatever values Belarus offers Russia for oil, dependence will still remain. And if, instead of Russia, Belarus buys oil in another country, it will again be a dependence. Therefore, there is only one way out of dependence - to look for and discover oil deposits on its territory and start extracting it. If Belarus produces a lot of oil, then Belarus will not only cease to be dependent on oil-producing countries, but will itself become a country on which others will depend.
The same is true for people. In order to stop depending on the warmth, love of people, you need to start generating this warmth, this love in yourself and sharing it with people.
Another example is from astronomy. There are stars - hot celestial bodies that emit light. And there are black holes - superdense cosmic bodies, which, due to their monstrous gravity, do not release anything from themselves, not even light, they only attract and absorb. In this example, the addict is like a black hole, and the stars are kind, generous people.
This means that a person ceases to be dependent if he begins to shine on other people and warm them with his warmth.
What is oil in the first example and light in the second? The “resource” that all people need so much is love. This is the scarcest and most expensive resource in our time. No matter what anyone says about the value of money, fame, power, pleasure, without love, all these things are not encouraging. And the one who has love is happy, even if he has nothing else.
Therefore, when we, overcoming our addiction, learn to shine on people, we need to carefully look so that our love is exactly true selfless love. And not by mercenary trade - I do or give you something material, and in return I expect gratitude or love. This is what dependent women do in marriage, and then they are surprised: “How is it, I gave everything to him, lived for him, and he left, ungrateful!” No, you didn't give him everything. You gave him only time and labor. It's great if it's done out of love. And you gave him your time in an unconscious calculation of his love. That is, at the level of love, you were a vampire, tormenting him with expressed and silent expectations. And it is not surprising that he could not endlessly be a donor (although outwardly he could seem like a lazy person giving nothing).
Therefore, let us learn true love, true selfless luminosity. Remember, as in Mayakovsky: “Shine always, shine everywhere, until the last days of the bottom, shine and no nails! Here is my slogan and the sun!”
The question may arise - where can Belarus get oil if it simply does not exist on the land of Belarus?
This is where love differs from oil. If there is oil, it is there until you use it up. And love comes when you give it. And the more you use it, the more it is in your reservoirs. By striving for true love, by doing genuine good deeds, you will see how your heart is filled with love.
Love does not come from nowhere, just as life does not come from nothing. Love has a Source - like an inexhaustible reservoir of oil, like an endless ocean of light, in which there are more stars than molecules in the ocean.
This Source is so rich and so generous that it gives us love without demanding anything for Itself and only rejoices because it fills us with love.
The time will come - and if you follow the path of love and want your love to be perfect, you will discover this Source for yourself, then you will see that you have found more than you were looking for ...
Overcoming our addiction, we learn to shine ourselves on the unfortunate who need our love. Giving to people is no less rewarding than receiving from them. This is the true independence, joy and value of life.
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Dmitry Gennadievich, I read your article, it was very informative and super cool for me! Please give me an answer to one question. She says that she loves me very much, but she is used to being alone and will always love the 3rd 10th, well, don’t waste your time on me, you need a family, and I can’t give you this, how can I understand her? Thanks. with Uv. Rapper (Joe Frey) Dima (Joe Frey), age: 03/27/11/2019 Thank you - for the sun-filled, bright, unclouded Look at the World - for the most Sincere Prayer - Prayer with your own existence!!! olga , age: 49 / 09/09/2018 Thank you) I found the article by accident and was surprised, because my mother said the same words to me. You just confirmed my thoughts and my mother's advice, for which I express my gratitude. Unfortunately, not a virgin, age: 17/21.03.2018 Thank you, you wrote what was somewhere in the depths of me Tanyusha, age: 01/31/2018 Thank you very much, I liked the article very much, I agree with everything, it is interesting how the romantic and intimate side of true love between M. and J. looks like, maybe there is an article. Katerina, age: 24/02.11.2017 Thank you for the article. Lyudmila, age: 37 / 12/19/2016 Very often people try to explain things that they simply can’t explain. Just as you can’t hear radio waves with your ear or see infrared radiation with your eyes, so a carnal person doesn’t understand spiritual things. God when we come to Him. God in Christ pours into us and with Him we receive everything that He is, including love, because God is love! Without God, we remain evil, no matter how hard we try to change ourselves! Vladimir, age: 68 / 04.12.2016 Interesting article. One of the most capacious and at the same time widely answering such a question as "What is love?" Thanks to the author, very cool, a lot of useful information in the article. My only opinion is that you need to give and radiate love correctly, and serve people in the same way. Otherwise, there will be people who, to put it mildly, will begin to abuse your love, to vampire. And the same husband can build a career receiving energy from his wife. And then leave, finding a fresh source of energy. It is very important to understand the kind of people you surround yourself with. And just like all cosmic bodies, so do people influence each other. Therefore, you need to consider what influence the people around you have on you. Respect and gratitude from a pure heart is the most important thing in communication. And most importantly, be honest with yourself. Love and thanks to all!!! Tatyana, age: 35 / 09/23/2016 Sashenka, age: 36 / 08/06/2016 Thank you for an excellent article. As one friend said, "The thinner and higher the matter, the more difficult it is to describe it in words." Recently, I often think about the essence of love, and this article is very in tune with my thoughts. The idea is expressed precisely and clearly, although the theme is complex and subtle. Once again I come to the conclusion that if I want to be involved in the miracle of love, I must work on my soul, on my vices and passions. Anna, age: 31/20.06.2016 This is a good article, but not for the portal of realists, who have power in truth. Here, as elsewhere, philosophical conjectures, and without evidence. I am very glad that the author of the article has found the state of love. Here the main emphasis is on the spiritual leaving (moreover, of a Christian persuasion) and the method "from the contrary" about psychological deviations. The main conclusion: love is a spiritual work. But it's more like self-sacrifice or compassion, but where the hell is love? George, age: 28 / 17.06.2016 Thank you very much for your conclusions and thoughts. They left a deep mark and response in my soul and I understood how to proceed further on my life path. I found answers to many questions that will help me live on. Once again: Thank you very much!! ! Natalia, age: 38 / 21.05.2016 Reading this and similar articles, an already fading desire to do something reappears, we can say that this is some kind of inexplicable "motivator", even though, in principle, I understood everything written in my subconscious, when reading everything again becomes into place, the light in the soul is lit again, and God grant us this time to keep it longer. "Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me!" Oleg, age: 18 / 14.04.2016 Thank you Dmitry, a lot is now obvious, a lot is clear, both mistakes and behavior), thank you and God bless you))))) Alexander, age: 30 / 18.02.2016 “Love does not limit freedom”... I reached this place and completely ran out of steam... Excuse me... Well, how does love not limit freedom, huh? That is, live, my love, where you want, with whom you want, do what you want, eat and drink what you want - and I'm already glad that you are somewhere ... This is more like a mental disorder, not for love. If you love a person - you want to be with him, it's obvious! And if they don’t love you in return, then they don’t want to live with you - this is also obvious! This is called loneliness - and this is bad, and not from some kind of childish dislike. Why dig so deep? A person lives here and now - if you are loved, you have money, an interesting job - then what does childish resentment have to do with it?))) yelling at your wife, the wife was offended and left you, etc., etc. - then again, childhood has nothing to do with it. Current, age: 36 / 26.08.2015 Thank you for this article, God himself showed it to me, because now I want to open this source of love in myself, the one that does not seek its own, and be happy! Natalia, age: 01/26/2015 I completely agree with this article, only after 10 years I began to understand how much I love my husband, and when he broke his spine and became a wheelchair user, we became even closer, I thank God every day that he remained alive and next to me, little who believes, but I am happy. Together we are 18 years old, he has been in a wheelchair for 3 years, I thought that over the years it would be more difficult, but oddly enough, on the contrary, it is easier. Angelica, age: 38 / 16.01.2015 Thank you Dmitry!!! There is hope!!! Ira, age: 34 / 11.01.2015 "But, alas, sex without communication, without friendship, is a little different from masturbation..." In my opinion, masturbation is much better... But, unfortunately, if a person could not start a family, he cannot remain a virgin forever.... Zhenya Zh, age: 32 / 05/28/2014 Everyone is looking for true love! Without her, the world is not nice. and the meaning of life without it is simply NO. Avatar, age: 25 / 05/08/2014 Dear Vladimir! Thank you very much for the article. I read it, trying it on myself, I realized that I was still very far from true love. Continue to write such articles, they really help young people to decide. God bless you in your work! Maria, age: 20 / 23.03.2014 Vladimir, God is love, this is the essence. True love is from God, the ability and desire to love are also, whereas how can one speak of love, rejecting the One Who gives it? Anna, age: 27 / 24.02.2014 Very good article! The connection between vices / passions and love is simply obvious, but unfortunately few people understand it. 7 vices from the point of view of Christianity very well describe the ways of deviating from a life of love and joy. Indeed, most say "I love", meaning "I am attached." The truth agrees with Konstantin, religion was dragged here in vain. It doesn't really matter which God controls it. Maybe there are green men, or maybe Love is God. The main thing is the essence. Vladimir, age: 01/31/2014 thanks for the article, in fact, I had everything written before and only after reading I realized that I had lost it, but I will definitely return it, thank you. alexey, age: 31/24.12.2013 Love comes like mother's milk. The more you feed, give, the more milk is produced. As soon as you stop feeding, it disappears altogether. Thanks to the site as a whole and, especially, to D. Semenik and A. Kolmanovsky. light, age: 38 / 30.08.2013 I read and read, like a good article, postulates the right things, and then bam - and it is impossible without the church. And I can't take the article any further. Konstantin, age: 04/24/2013 Andrey, age: 42 / 02/24/2013 God save you, Dmitry!! In fact, you set out the dogmatic basis of Love in a simple and intelligible language!!! because they are evil! It’s just that not everyone knows WHAT priorities should be adhered to STRONGLY, to the point of bloodshed ... In order to grow to real saving Love ... Your position is very close to me !! Once again, many thanks to you from one exhausted soul ..)) ) Ilya, age: 52 / 01/20/2013 I'm afraid I won't find the right words to express my gratitude... Thank you! Thank you! Thank you a thousand times!!! And thank God for pushing me to find and read your article! I read and find answers to many of my questions ... This is how I understand love for myself. But for a long time I didn’t understand why she wasn’t in my life .. Now I know: I myself was not capable of such love, I didn’t know how to love .. And I don’t know how. And how much and how long I still need to work on myself so that God will give me the opportunity to feel this happiness ...... By the way, one gift of God (although what I say, of course, not one) I have already received: it was during reading I realized from your article that I forgave very important people in my life .. What I could not do for a long time WELL! And .. a few holes in the vessel of my soul, with God's help, I managed to patch :) Elena, age: 22 / 07.11.2012 I got it. Forget about sex and start loving. Joke, of course. But such a conclusion can be drawn by running through the article. But after all, God just rewarded us with sexuality and sexual needs. So to reduce the Love of a woman and a man to respect and friendship, in my opinion, is not entirely correct. What happens to us when we fall in love? Roman, age: 30 / 07/26/2012 Very good article, read it. Here you write "Love is almost always mutual" it's good that you wrote "almost". I'm in that state of unrequited love right now. This is when you give everything to your loved one, and you really want to get some of his warmth. And how to love when love is not mutual? Just keep giving? Vladimir, age: 32/14.07.2012 That's right. I also think, and not that I doubt it, but I have not met people with such an understanding. Now I am happy because I have read your article and my confidence has increased a hundredfold. Thank you! How would it be now to meet a person who also understands this! Grana, age: 36 / 04/12/2012 thanks a lot Valery, age: 18 / 12.04.2012
(Morgan Scott Peck)
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