I believe, dear readers, you don’t need to explain how important it is to be able to communicate with people - to communicate competently, with benefit for yourself, and not just chaotically exchange information with them, without any specific purpose. Communication must be learned from an early age in order to master this art perfectly. Then a person’s life will become much simpler and more interesting. Over the years of working as a psychologist, I have been convinced many times that many problems that people are unable to solve on their own stem from their inability to find a common language with other people. Our language is not only our enemy, as the popular proverb says, our language, dear friends, is, first of all, our ally, it is our weapon in the world of people, and a tool that we must be able to use effectively. We will analyze this skill within the framework of this article, after reading which, I am sure, you will be able to significantly increase the productivity of your communication, and therefore transform your life.
Be patient, don’t rush, read the article thoughtfully, because with my usual detailed analysis of everything, I will try to explain to you all the main aspects of successful communication, having learned which, you will understand the essence of the general meaning of competent communication, which is useful. So, speaking about communicating with people, we should clarify this concept somewhat, that is, people who, as you already know correctly, are all different, and the situations in which you can communicate with them can also be different, and therefore the conversation should will be built differently in each individual case. Therefore, I suggest that you identify the main group of people, which we usually call the majority, and in relation to this group, use all the subsequent communication techniques that I will tell you about.
Of course, we cannot consider each person individually, which is why psychology divides people into groups for better study, but still, no matter how many of these groups there are, the main group is people who grew up in a certain environment, with certain views on life, with a certain education, mentality and some other distinctive features. Our interlocutor in this case is a person with a secondary, usually education, with a moderately brainwashed by television and other media, with a depressed psyche to a certain extent, most often a materialist to a greater extent, a person with an irrational type of thinking, well and with a number of other qualities, the enumeration of which does not make much sense. That is, this is a person who is more or less adequate from a general point of view, with whom you can communicate, whom you can meet every day in various places, but not with outstanding mental abilities.
So our interlocutor is a person whom you and I can attribute to the majority of people, and not to exceptional individuals whom we perceive in a special way. This is very important, friends, to determine with whom we will communicate, because we cannot communicate with everyone in the same way; in some cases, communication is not required at all, because there are people who understand other languages. Having decided on the interlocutor in a mass concept, let’s look at what such an interlocutor expects from communicating with us, because from our point of view we can plan any conversation plan, but we can only receive a positive response if we find a response inside the person with whom we communicate. Does our interlocutor need our attention, obviously yes, pay attention to how often you pay attention to the people with whom you communicate, do you notice their reaction, do you pay attention to their mood, do you evaluate them as a physical object, standing in front of you, but as a person with his inner world?
If not, then you will not hear even half of what they will answer you or say themselves, and taking into account the fact that the majority we have identified has a depressed psyche, without seeing insight on your part, they will run into a wall of misunderstanding and no desire to understand them, and therefore, in response, they will build their own. Such a dialogue will be similar to communication between two televisions, and not two people trying to understand each other. Now let's look at what your average interlocutor does not need and what many so often throw out during any conversation - he does not need your problems. Yes, friends, for the most part we didn’t give a damn about each other’s problems, we strive to solve our own problems, and often unsuccessfully, doing it both on our own and resorting to the help of other people, dumping on them in conversation a bunch of unsolved problems that In fact, no one wants to decide for us.
Actually, this is what distinguishes psychologists from non-psychologists; we don’t give a damn about those people with whom we communicate, who turn to us for help. And quite often we have to get so involved in someone else’s life and in other people’s problems in this life, with which a person came to us, that then we have absolutely no strength left to simply feel like ourselves. That's why. By the way, psychologists themselves often need the help of their colleagues, because they are completely overloaded with the problems of others. I do not suggest that you think about the problems of all the people with whom you communicate; do this only in relation to those who are truly interesting to you. In relation to others, it is enough just to pretend that you are interested in them and their problems, that you sincerely worry about them and that you have a desire to help them, just don’t be false, otherwise you will cause suspicion and irritation. You should keep your problems to yourself, don’t dump them like a pile of garbage on the first person you meet, if you can’t cope with them yourself, contact a psychologist, our job is to solve other people’s problems, we often experience the lives of other people in order to best help to a person.
But strangers have no use for this, they don’t need your problems, they don’t even care how you’re doing, they’re not interested in your health and tragedies in your personal life, they’re not interested in you at all. Even if your relative has died, and your work colleague has a minor promotion, it will be more interesting for him to discuss his promotion rather than console you in your grief. So remember, even if people pretend that they are interested in you, in the vast majority of cases they are not, is it even worth sharing your personal life with them? In fact, it’s worth it, but only in order to gain their trust, and your personal life in communication should be discussed in the proportions of ten percent to ninety, or a maximum of twenty percent to eighty, I think you can guess in which direction the advantage lies. Yes, friends, ninety percent of your communication with other people is a discussion of their lives, their problems, their successes, in general, everything that concerns them, and the rest is about you, so as not to seem suspicious, you are not a typical interlocutor in such a way. case.
Speaking of suspicion, if they are interested in you, if the interlocutor is interested in you, if he is mostly silent and only asks questions, that is, he is interested in you and your problems, this is very, very suspicious. It is quite possible that this is a manipulator or someone who, for his own selfish purposes, is trying to gain your trust. You see what conclusion we have with regard to people who communicate correctly, what I am teaching you is what I recommend you to beware of, because a person with his inherent egoism and manner of communication will simply not communicate in a manner atypical for the majority. Well, in the meantime, we will consider another aspect of competent communication with people, which consists of listening to what they tell you. The point here is that the words that you hear from your interlocutor are not so important as what is hidden behind them, and behind them is some kind of desire of the person, they want something from you, they expect something, you need to understand what.
Any communication implies that the interlocutors need each other for something. Even the so-called conversation “about nothing” still has hidden motives, only people do not always realize this, which is why they often do not see the point in this or that communication, and do not pursue any goals, but still communicate. Just think about what a person may want from you, telling you certain things, thanks to this you will actually hear him, and therefore you will be able to respond to his urge in the way you need, giving him what he wants, refusing, or instilling in he has hope that he will get what he deserves; in short, a person must be understood correctly. If the speed of your thinking allows you, then you can play out the situation with yourself, calculating what you yourself would want from your interlocutor, telling him what he tells you. After all, we are talking about an average person, and to a certain extent we all fit into this average statistics, therefore our behavior, desires and methods of realizing them, manifested in communication, are more similar.
Having heard a person, having understood what he wants from you, the question arises of what to answer such a person so that he does not take you with hostility, unless of course you have such a goal. First of all, people expect self-respect from you, and this is impossible if in your speech you directly or indirectly question their mental abilities. On the contrary, whatever the situation, if you want to put your interlocutor on your best terms, pretend that you are delighted with him or her, let him or her know that you find them a very interesting and intelligent person. To emphasize this especially clearly, it is necessary to ask people questions that clarify their situation, clarify what they are telling you about, but do not overdo it, otherwise you will make your interlocutor nervous, seeming dull and just a drag. And so, friends, you and I have found out such points in relation to the average interlocutor, using which we can structure our dialogue in such a way as to get the maximum benefit out of it.
We should pay maximum attention to our interlocutor; we should not burden him with our problems, but rather, to the best of our ability, delve into his problems and pretend that they really bother us. Don’t burden people, listen to them, let them tell you everything, and in order not to seem suspiciously attentive and sensitive, occasionally talk about yourself and your life, don’t seem closed. In addition, you now know that most people are extremely important to your opinion of them, your respect and your interest in them, which is not really that difficult to emphasize, you just need to remember it and want it. And it is also very, very important to see what people hide behind their words, emotions in communication, gestures and other impulses in which their true desires and specific goals are hidden, covered by the words that they tell you.
Words are not so important, what is important is the meaning that people put into them and what they want to convey to you with their help, in order to achieve a certain reaction or specific actions from you. Since the topic of communicating with people is much deeper and we have not discussed all the points in this article that deserve attention and detailed study, I will definitely return to it in the future. In my deep conviction, being able to communicate competently and fruitfully with people around you is one of the most important skills in this life.
As you know, a person is greeted by his clothes. But how he will be seen off depends not so much on his intelligence as on his manner of communication. You may not be well-read (which, in general, is in vain), but the literacy of your speech, the ability to present yourself and maintain a conversation largely determines the impression that you will make on others. So what should proper communication with people be like? We will try to analyze this pressing issue in detail.
How to communicate correctly?
The correct manner of communication is the key to harmonious interaction with modern society, from government officials to a simple worker somewhere on a construction site. Communication at a high level will allow you to resolve complex negotiations with partners in your favor, find influential acquaintances, and simply establish yourself as a person who will not reach into his pocket for a word. If you want to be just such a person, remember the basic tenets of how to communicate correctly in society in order to achieve your goal:
- Be polite and keep your distance. Having started a dialogue with a person, do not rush to become familiar with him, try not to switch to slang or jargon.
- Emphasize the importance of the person you are interlocutor for you - remember his name (and if he is senior in position, also his patronymic) and address him that way. Be attentive to the interlocutor and do not be distracted during the conversation by working on the computer or making a telephone conversation.
- Remain pleasant in any situation. If your sewer is clogged or your neighbors are drowning, you should not take it out on representatives of the utility service or the neighbors themselves. With a friendly attitude you will achieve a faster and more positive response to your problem. In addition, it will significantly save your nerves.
- Always remain an honest interlocutor. Proper communication with people does not accept lies and cunning. Firstly, cunning will very quickly become noticeable, and secondly, honesty is a trait that in itself deserves respect.
- Know how to listen to others. This means not only automatically nodding your head, but also maintaining a dialogue!
- Smile! A friendly smile can work wonders and disarm the most aggressive interlocutor. In addition, a smile is perfect for a calm, friendly conversation.
- Never demand or threaten anything. Forget the phrase: “You must...”. No one should do anything to you, except in the situation with debtors and hired workers. In any case, any threat or rudeness on your part will be met with hostility by those around you and with a clear degree of aggression.
These are not all the rules that you should follow if you want to know how to communicate with people correctly. In addition to the basic principles of competent communication, it is important to observe the technique of proper communication. It lies in the ability to use nonverbal cues during a conversation. This will help you develop the basic social skills needed to communicate effectively. Effective communication technique signals include the following:
- maintaining eye contact with the interlocutor;
- control your posture during a conversation;
- control of your facial expression (watch what emotions you express during a conversation);
- control of social distance (do not come closer than half a meter to an interlocutor with whom you are unfamiliar, so as not to violate his “intimate zone”);
- control of intonation and volume of voice (a calm, even voice is more effective in communication);
- understanding the nonverbal signals of other people (it is important not only to monitor your own gestures and mannerisms, but also how your interlocutors display them);
- volume of speech (too many words or, on the contrary, too few - this is a clear sign of the limitations of the interlocutor’s inner world).
By the way, speaking of speech, we should not forget that it is also an important factor in the ability to communicate correctly. Pay attention to the following speech components that will help you learn how to communicate correctly:
Knowing how to communicate correctly with people is the key to successful communication with society. This skill will not only allow you to gain respect among others, but will also help you climb the career ladder much easier. Remember, your success largely depends on your communication skills.
Communication on VKontakte between a guy and a young lady often develops into virtual friendship, telephone dialogue, and then it’s not far to a real date. However, to achieve such progress, it is important.
If you don’t know what to talk about with a girl or what topics to choose for conversation, follow the following tips from experienced network users.
If you have no idea what to talk about with a girl, first remember what you know about this interlocutor.
Let’s say you already know each other (you have mutual friends, just a casual acquaintance, you’ve been corresponding for quite some time), in this case it will be much easier to conduct a dialogue on VK.
You just need to ask the right questions that relate to changes that have occurred since the previous communication.
If you just want to communicate with a woman online, carefully study her page - photos, list of communities, downloaded audio and video files. Such an “audit” will tell you the hobbies of a potential interlocutor and will help you choose really interesting topics for conversation with a girl.
If you notice something that unites you - acquaintances, studies, hobbies - offer to talk about this particular topic. As a starter, you can post a “piece” of your biography, telling some interesting incident from your life.
There is no need to immediately talk about personal topics, since adherence to principles, characteristic of young people, can reduce communication to nothing.
Don't know what to talk about with a girl? Be guided by the situation and once again carefully review all her photographs in contact. Probably, something in a girl’s appearance will give a clue and help maintain the conversation that has begun. For example, in the photo, a young lady is hugging a cat (find out his name), sitting on the bank of a river (ask if she knows how to swim when the photo was taken). Finding questions is not that difficult, the main thing is to be attentive to the details.
Topics for conversation with girls
Your task is to correspond on VK with the young lady in such a way that it is interesting for both of you. To do this, you need to find suitable topics for communicating with the girl. A representative of the fairer sex is unlikely to be pleased by a long conversation about cars or football news.
You need to be careful when choosing questions that you don’t particularly understand, so as not to appear stupid in girls’ eyes. It is also not permissible to argue while discussing such topics; this can make your interlocutor laugh.
What questions should we discuss? The simplest and most reasonable solution is to choose so-called eternal topics for dialogues. It is worth dwelling on them in more detail.
- Relationship. Ask what kind of men your interlocutor likes, what she expects from a relationship, and what behavior she will not tolerate from a guy. Naturally, one should not insist on discussing this topic if the girl is not ready for excessive frankness. Don't ask vulgar questions either.
- Cinematography and music. You can chat with a girl online about such current topics as new movies, music, television series or television shows. From the correspondence you can find out what the young lady’s favorite actor, film, or musician is. Then these questions should be smoothly translated into the possibility of going to the cinema together.
- Hobbies. Another “eternal” topic that will interest both a guy and a young lady is hobbies and sports. Ask what your interlocutor’s hobbies are, how she spends her free time, and whether she plays any sports.
- Reading. Nowadays it’s not so easy to find a girl in contact, or even in real life, who would be passionate about literature. If your interlocutor is an avid bibliomaniac, discuss what literary genres are close to her, and what books by writers she has read over the past week. You can show your erudition by including quotes and aphorisms from classical works into your conversation.
- Memorable or favorite places. You can also chat on VKontakte about the sights of the city in which you both live. Discuss the girl’s favorite city places, find out which cafes she prefers to sit at and have a cup of coffee. This information can then be used when asking you out on a date.
- Travel or vacation. You can also chat with your interlocutor on VK about planning a weekend getaway, traveling during the holidays or vacation. A guy and a girl can be united by a common love of travel, active recreation, or a vacation spent in the same place.
- Study or work. Questions about educational or work issues also belong to the “classic” topics of communication in VKontakte and other social networks. You can ask your interlocutor how her day was, so she can feel cared for by the guy.
- Animals. Representatives of the fairer sex usually love to talk about their pets and will be interested in a guy who also shares this interest. Find out if the girl is a cat lover or a dog lover; perhaps she keeps parrots at home. Most likely, you will see these very favorites in the photos on VK.
Naturally, you don’t need to correspond on all these topics at once; choose for dialogue only those questions that are interesting to your interlocutor and you. In this case, communication in contact will not seem like an interrogation to the girl, but will look like a casual conversation.
To keep the conversation going, insert stories about your hobbies and skills as you write, but in a way that doesn't seem like bragging.
For example, if your interlocutor is interested in riding, offer to keep her company or teach her bicycle tricks.
If the conversation turns to literature that has been read, offer to read some new book or a continuation of a series that the young lady is interested in. The guy’s task in such a situation is to show his imagination and offer his help.
If you have had a good chat on VKontakte, it’s time to chat on your mobile phone. And then the guy faces the following questions: what to talk about with a girl on the phone, where to find the courage to call and how to carry on a conversation while hearing her voice.
Having taken the girl's phone number, be brave and make a call. At the very beginning of the conversation, make a smooth transition from communication in contact to the moment when you decide to call her. Continue the conversation from the point where you left off during the correspondence. For example, find out how she got home yesterday.
There are no special topics when communicating on the phone between a guy and a girl. You can chat on the above examples of topics, discuss something new that happened while you weren't talking. Perhaps the interlocutor herself will ask questions - serious and not so serious, and you can switch to a new problem of discussion.
Try to listen to the young lady carefully, inserting your emotional comments during the conversation. Be sure to tell her how much you enjoyed talking to her and how pleasant and sexy her voice is. Vulgar hints at this stage are not entirely appropriate.
Rules of communication
Let's say you now know the main topics for communicating with a girl on VK or by phone. However, in order for communication to proceed in a positive way and bring you and your interlocutor only positive emotions, adhere to the following rules of communication in contact:
- Do not deceive your interlocutor by inventing non-existent wealth or a successful career for yourself, or by displaying other people’s photographs. If you want to chat not only on VK, but also in real life, the deception will quickly be revealed, and the girl, most likely, will no longer want to correspond with you.
- Don’t pull the “blanket” of the conversation onto yourself by actively advertising yourself. A guy who starts talking or describing for hours how cool he is will be 100% likely to be considered by his interlocutor as a narcissist and a narrow-minded egoist.
- If you communicate with your interlocutor as a girl, and not as a friend or pen pal, do not discuss other representatives of the fairer sex with her. The only exception is if you want to compare your interlocutor with some actress (naturally, the young lady will at least be in no way inferior to the celebrity).
- Do not discuss her previous relationship with the young lady, unless she, on her own initiative, wants to discuss her former lover with you. In general, having a conversation with a girl you barely know on the topic of ended love affairs is considered bad form.
- Not all representatives of the fairer sex like vulgar jokes! This is a reinforced concrete rule that applies to every guy, which should be remembered once and for all. Perhaps after some time you will move to another level of relationship, and vulgar anecdotes and jokes will be perceived by the young lady with understanding and even pleasure.
- During the conversation, try to ask so-called open questions that will require detailed answers from the interlocutor. For example, instead of “worked today?” ask the girl “how was your work day today?” This way you can significantly prolong and diversify the conversation.
And a few more simple recommendations for a guy who doesn’t know how to communicate with pretty girls on VK. There is no need to behave intrusively and defiantly when speaking. Nice young ladies like interlocutors who arouse interest, and not the desire to quickly end the conversation. In addition, it is important to find topics that both of you will like, because both people should enjoy communication in contact and on the phone.
Why do we feel lightness and ease when communicating with some people, while talking with others we feel tension and discomfort, and after talking with others we just want to die of boredom?
Ask others what they experience from communicating with you? If you don't like the answers, our material will be especially useful!
We will tell you how to learn the art of conversation and avoid mistakes that get on your nerves in a conversation.
Remember that proper communication with people will bring you great benefits! And you need to start working on mistakes by identifying your shortcomings and shortcomings in the conversation.
Methods of dealing with them will depend only on what you want to achieve in the end. Understanding the purpose will help you develop your ability to communicate without feeling nauseous.
Unpleasant communication – what is it?
What achievements is a pleasant conversationalist capable of? The psychology of communication provides a comprehensive answer to this question.
Anyone who knows how to clearly and distinctly express thoughts and present convincing arguments is considered not only a good speaker, but also the soul of the party.
By building the right communication, you will open up many opportunities for yourself - achieving goals at work will become easier, your circle of friends will expand, and your list of acquaintances will be replenished with many new names.
Knowing how to communicate with the opposite sex, you will get rid of misunderstandings in your personal life. At a minimum, with a pleasant conversation you can make a good impression and charm the object of your sympathy, which is not bad.
Well, what can you say about someone who speaks incoherently, inconsistently or too rudely? Such a person makes no one want to listen to him.
It is especially important to control yourself and your speech when flirting. Especially for you, we asked our expert Olga Stern, sexologist and founder of online schools on the art of sexual mastery “Geisha” and “Alchemy of Pleasure,” to comment on this aspect of communication:
Flirting is a very important part of communicating with the opposite sex. This is a game, coquetry, an enhancer of the taste of life, something that can start a relationship or maintain the fire in them.
The most important thing in flirting is the mood: how you feel about yourself and how you feel about yourself. Techniques are a secondary factor; they will not work.
If, for example, deep down you consider yourself ugly, then no matter how erotically you bite your lip, it will not be perceived properly. Therefore, first of all, learn to love yourself.
But there are a few tricks that work great if you urgently need to get into the right state.
Repeating the usual phrase “I love you” several times, spoken into the eyes of your mirror image, works great.
These words can do wonders and light up your eyes without trying to find faults in yourself. Remember the “anchor” song, after which your inner flirtatious essence turns on - the main thing is to find such a composition and use it correctly.
And after the necessary sparkle appears in the eyes, you can speak more slowly in a lower voice, sometimes touch the man or yourself, play with intimate muscles to dilate the pupils and invite the man into the game in other ways.
He can present even correct and smart things in such a way that it sounds wild and does not find any support from his interlocutors.
To avoid becoming an “outsider” and improve the quality of your speech, follow a few simple rules:
In addition to the above, you should not lose sight of another important factor in communication: do not throw up.
Don't be too annoying, a repeating bore over and over again.
Psychology denotes such a thing as communication as an equivalent communicative interaction between people.
Simply put, all interlocutors should contribute equally to the conversation. If one, gesticulating wildly, describes his weekend adventures, problems with his boss...
He talks about his dog all the time, complains about regular migraines, not allowing the other person to get a word in - this communication cannot be called complete.
The art of communication presupposes the possibility of self-expression for all people equally, taking into account their abilities and characteristics of thinking.
Another sign of nauseating communication is constant whining and complaints. If someone talks about sad things all the time or looks for negativity everywhere, he infects his interlocutors with negative emotions.
Some call such people energy vampires, others look with regret at their love for their problems and the need for pity from others.
They say about such people that they like to vomit. Take an outside look at your usual behavior around your loved ones.
If a few nauseating symptoms appear frequently in the way you speak, it's time to get rid of them.
Obsessive communication is your worst enemy
Obsession is worth considering separately. Erich Maria Remarque wrote: “We are so afraid of being intrusive that we seem indifferent.” It's worth thinking about these words.
Both intrusiveness and indifference are signs of improper communication. When a person behaves like a “sticky fish”, is too eager for the company of other people, they say about him that he makes him sick.
His interaction with people does not bring pleasure to anyone. People try to stay away from intrusive interlocutors, since they cause despondency, which gradually develops into irritation, anger and even aggression.
If you notice a habit of imposing on yourself, you need to get rid of it urgently, otherwise you will never be able to build proper communication.
So many little things and comments... How to communicate so that everyone is happy? First of all, the pleasure of the conversation should be mutual.
You need to show cordiality exactly as much as it is shown to you. Let this be your little secret of unobtrusiveness.
A few words about nonverbal signs
Oral speech is easier to track and control, but nonverbal communication remains a mystery for many, because only the interlocutor sees its signs.
For this reason, many people do not attach importance to their facial expressions, gestures, body position, etc. But with non-verbal signs you can increase the persuasiveness of your words or, on the contrary, nullify the entire effect of what was said.
Remember the series about the theory of lies, where the psychologist Dr. Lightman could accurately determine that a witness to a crime was hiding something only by his involuntary gesture of raising his fingers to his lips.
But we won’t “dig” that deep. Let’s just say that the interlocutor is put off by “closed” postures: arms crossed on the chest or hidden in pockets, an arrogantly raised chin, a lowered gaze or a gaze directed into the distance.
Let's reveal a little trick: to earn the trust of your interlocutor, take a “mirror image” pose.
If he folds his hands on the table, like a schoolboy at his desk, do the same, rest your chin on your palm, and you follow him. Just do it softly, otherwise the interlocutor will guess that your manipulations are intentional or will think that you are parodying him.
The ability to communicate also includes mastery of facial expressions. Emotions reflected on the face are not only normal, but also necessary.
By remaining dispassionate, you lose additional contact with the interlocutor. As a result, it will be more difficult for you to win him over and convince him of your beliefs.
Facial expressions help not only to better understand your interlocutor, but also to make him your ally in a conversation on a controversial topic - remember this.
As for laughter, it should be appropriate; you don’t need to use it to brighten up all the awkward moments. Too much can ruin a good impression of you.
It is possible to be familiar, hugging your interlocutors, or placing your hand on their shoulders or neck, but selectively. This style of behavior is acceptable in a friendly company over a glass of champagne, and not at work or with unfamiliar people.
Too much gesticulation, as well as its complete absence, are not the best extremes for a pleasant conversation. Effective communication involves a moderate combination of your speech, facial expressions and gestures as a whole. Consider it law.
Why you need to improve your communication skills
Before you ask yourself how to learn to communicate with people, you need to provide yourself with motivation.
A person who clearly understands the need for change will work hard to improve their communication skills.
Understand that thanks to the development of communication, it is possible to become anyone - the life of the party, a skilled speaker, or a person who knows how to convince everyone and everything.
Would Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther, Winston Churchill and Ronald Reagan have become outstanding politicians if they had not been able to speak persuasively?
Proper ways of communication are needed not only in politics, but in every area of life. A good manager, being eloquent, will easily convince clients to sign a lucrative contract.
The seller, through an effective dialogue with the buyer, can easily increase the average check amount. Love does not always begin at first sight; sometimes it comes after the first interesting conversation.
Therefore, in your personal life, communication secrets will be especially useful.
They will help you win the affection of the person you like and attract attention. The ability to communicate is useful and multifaceted; its importance is difficult to overestimate.
Becoming an interesting conversationalist who is listened to with pleasure and correctly understood by others is the dream of many. But some only dream while others act.
Start by reading good educational literature. Experts in their field will help you understand how to communicate with people.
A good example would be “The Power of Charm. How to Win Hearts and Succeed" by Brian Tracy and Ron Arden. The book teaches friendliness and goodwill in communication.
There are no deep tips or complex techniques that you will have to work on for a long time. Tracy and Arden do a great job of explaining the value of having a positive attitude when talking.
The book “Psychology of Influence” by Robert Cialdini was published in America 5 times. This fact alone speaks of its value and practical benefits.
It focuses not on business, but on personal communication, but the advice and recommendations apply to all areas of life.
To become a truly good conversationalist, you will need some practice. Try telling something to yourself in front of the mirror, start a dialogue with yourself.
You can record your story on a voice recorder and then listen to the recording. Such manipulations will help you notice the shortcomings of your speech, pointing out places that require additional elaboration.
Listening is no less important than speaking. If you are not attentive to your interlocutor, his answers will become superficial and lack of initiative.
Nobody likes communicating with people who don’t listen to their interlocutor at all. This rule applies unconditionally, this is our psychology.
Don't forget to shine with your wit! Jokes, irony, and timely use of quotes are clear signs of an interesting interlocutor.
Communication with people requires a variety of surprises, do not be afraid to surprise, but also do not forget to adhere to the boundaries of what is acceptable.
The ability to communicate requires moderation and an intuitive understanding of the appropriateness of any phrase. If you constantly make fun of or sneer at those around you, then soon there will be no interlocutors who are friendly to you.
Making fun of yourself is a good move, but a sense of proportion is also important in self-irony. Otherwise, you risk turning into a buffoon.
Every day, those whom others consider unsociable or call boring actually really want to be heard and understood.
Shyness manifests itself in different ways. Some people cannot squeeze a word out of themselves, while others, on the contrary, say everything in a row, as long as no one reveals their fear and excitement.
Effective communication is about relaxedness and freedom of expression. There is no shame in admitting your embarrassment; your interlocutor will probably treat it with understanding.
Honesty is much more important than hiding and trying to feign confidence. It’s better to simply say “I’m shy” than to tremble and cause self-pity due to lack of confidence in communication.
Fighting with yourself is not easy. By setting a goal and working out a strategy, you can become an ace in the question of how to communicate with people.
Under no circumstances should the dispute result in a quarrel. You consider different points of view rather than trying to humiliate your opponent. Don't change the purpose of your conversation.
The ability to communicate means that both you and your interlocutor will be satisfied with the conversation. If you detect signs of impatience, irritation, or boredom in the person you're talking to, try changing the subject or ending the conversation.
How to communicate with people and not feel sick or irritate them, but rather evoke sympathy and understanding? Gather your strength, analyze yourself and your shortcomings, develop a strategy for developing communication skills.
No one is endowed with the innate ability to communicate effectively; much more often, the reputation of a good interlocutor becomes the result of persistent and painstaking self-improvement.
If success does not come on the first try, do not let this frighten you, but inspire you to further positive changes.
Soon you will definitely notice positive changes in those around you in relation to you and everything you say.
In order for communication to become effective and you can talk to people easily and confidently, you need to have some knowledge. For example, if you want to achieve success in business or are attracted by the idea of making a brilliant career, then the ability to communicate at an everyday level will clearly not be enough. It is necessary to develop communication skills, because you must understand how to learn to communicate with people on a business level.
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What kind of people need to learn to communicate effectively?
There are people for whom it is easy to find a topic for conversation and who can freely carry on a conversation in any situation. They have a natural talent for communication and charisma, and this captivates others.
They require absolutely no effort to start a dialogue and immediately arouse sympathy from their interlocutor. But what about those who want to succeed in life, but do not have an innate talent as a speaker? There are several secrets to learning to communicate effectively and interact confidently with others.
Seven Steps to Effective Communication
There are simple rules, following which you will become a good conversationalist.
Confidence
Good people skills start with the ability to show that you are a reliable partner. To do this you need to be confident. The ability to carry yourself confidently attracts others like a magnet. The appearance of a decisive person convinces others that this interlocutor is worth their time. A confident person will not waste your time beating around the bush, but will immediately get to the point of the conversation.
Confidence
You need to look your interlocutor in the eyes. Nobody trusts people who usually look away during a conversation. Attempts to avoid eye contact indicate, at a minimum, a person’s disinterest, and, at a maximum, his dishonesty.
When a person looks into the eyes of his interlocutor, this instills trust in him and in everything he says.
Such a minor nuance helps to establish reliable contact with your counterpart. Therefore, in a conversation you need to be confident and never look away.
Name of the interlocutor
When starting a conversation with a stranger, find out his name. Repeat the name out loud. This will help cement it in memory. Always use the other person's name during conversations and smile.
Interest in the interlocutor
Many people make the mistake of talking too much about themselves. Nothing tires the person you are talking to more than being forced on a “tour” through the labyrinths of your life. One of the best ways to learn how to communicate with people is to let them talk about themselves, rather than force them to listen to your stories. This will help the other person feel more at ease and will now increase their self-confidence. Eastern sages teach: speak once and listen twice!
The right questions
When contact is just being established, it is important to avoid awkward pauses in the conversation. One of the fastest routes to awkward silence is asking questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.”
An important skill for successful communication is the ability to ask questions that require a detailed answer. This will start a conversation. Just don't lose your sense of proportion. You should not bombard someone with questions; this is a good way to make a person feel uncomfortable. The conversation should not turn into an interrogation.
The power of knowledge
Effective communication begins where people are broad-minded. A well-rounded person with broad interests will be attractive to different people. Communicating with such a person can be easy and interesting. His head is full of topics to discuss, and he can quickly and confidently adapt to any conversation. Finding a common language with his interlocutor is not difficult for him.
Risk
Often people cannot ask for something because they are afraid of refusal. Failure makes a person feel flawed and inferior. But refusal should not in any way affect your self-esteem.
The only way to learn how to speak to people correctly and confidently is through practice, where you hone your skills.
There is also an element of risk here: you never know in advance how the conversation will go. But if you are afraid to step out of the shadows and begin to hold on to your “safety,” you will never acquire the ability to easily and confidently make contact and will remain on a path that leads to nowhere.
These are not all the secrets of successful communication, but rather the most basic ones. There are other aspects that also need to be taken into account:
- You have to be honest. When people are reliable and honest, communication becomes much easier. Then there is no need to think about what we are going to say, no need to worry that the untruth will ever be revealed.
- You must be able to adapt your ideas to the perception of others. When we have some interesting thought, a clear image of the idea forms in our head; but this image is not always clear to other people either. To be heard, you need to find a way to express your thoughts. It should become clear to everyone. You need to know your audience well if you want to communicate with them effectively.
- Pause before answering. We usually try to answer right away, but sometimes just a tiny pause can work wonders. She gives you time to think; and this is important in order to more accurately understand what the interlocutor is talking about, or to clearly formulate your idea that you want to convey.
- Try to understand what your interlocutor is saying. You need to listen carefully. This way, you will be able to understand what is being said, rather than just waiting for your turn to say something in response. Too often we listen “out of the corner of our ears” while thinking about our answer. To communicate effectively, you need to work on understanding what others are saying.
- Be patient and open. Sometimes short communication may not be too comfortable for you in some way. Recognize to yourself that this contact does not have to be the way you would like it to be, and continue to behave correctly and be patient. Always be patient and keep your mind open to learning new ways of communicating and understanding.
- Try to provide feedback. When all is said and done, the best way to find out how effective it was is to ask your interlocutors about it. Take time to talk to those you communicate with frequently and find out how you could improve your communication with them. Sometimes this feedback is easy to provide and will give you a clear idea of what you still need to work on; and sometimes this is not entirely easy to do, but your efforts will still be worth it!
Start small
Learning to communicate effectively with people takes time. A person who sets a goal to improve their communication skills will progress at their own pace. Don't try to learn everything at once, start small.
At its core, effective communication begins with self-confidence - this is the thread that ties all your other qualities and skills together. Each new meeting helps increase your self-confidence and adds new dimensions to your experience.
To practice, expand your social circle in your office, for example. Try to start communicating with sellers in a store or market a little more than usual.
When it becomes easier for you to communicate in your usual society, begin to contact people of higher rank. Gradually, you will learn to talk to different people, and your skills will become more and more firmly established. On occasion, you can even talk to the CEO of a large company and make a favorable impression on him.
How to communicate with extroverts and introverts
People are divided into several types, and each has its own communication style. Knowing how to build a conversation with a counterpart who has one or another type of temperament, misunderstandings and related misunderstandings can be avoided.
- Introverts: They find it difficult to communicate. They carry their experiences deep within themselves and avoid unnecessary contacts.
- Extroverts: their need for communication is maximized. They constantly inform others about their experiences, convey their views on the circumstances, and find new acquaintances in any situation.
These psychotypes are rare in their pure form; mixed personality types are more common.
You need to find out your character type. If his qualities are closer to those of extroverts, to make communication easier, try not to talk only about yourself all the time. It is necessary to listen more to other people's opinions and not express open disagreement. As soon as you manage to establish communication, people themselves will begin to reach out. Leadership positions in the team can be easily won due to the openness inherent in nature. Resentments arising from perceived neglect will disappear.
An introvert has a more difficult task, so it is more important for him to learn how to communicate with people correctly. It can be difficult for them to find new acquaintances and friends. This affects the professional sphere. Therefore, despite the difficulties, you need to overcome yourself and move towards rapprochement. As a result, you will be surrounded by those people who will appreciate the tacit approval of the introvert.
When entering into a dialogue, you need to try to analyze what psychotype the person you are communicating with belongs to. To an introvert? You should try to bring him up to date, listen carefully to rare remarks, and tell him what the situation looks like from different points of view. His silence may lead to serious misunderstandings. Facial expressions, facial expressions, and tone will help you understand his attitude to the subject of conversation.
An extrovert cannot be talked into. You have to keep your eyes open with him. If he tries to deviate from the topic, you need to firmly move the conversation in the direction that interests you. It is necessary to let him speak, but firmly convey his point of view. You can even do this with a bit of rigidity. Such people are usually not touchy, and if this trait is present in their character, they are easy-going.
When talking with your interlocutor, you need to show interest in communication. It is very good to emphasize important points with intonation.
There's no point in arguing. If the arguments are unconvincing, it is better to end the conversation on a friendly note and continue at the appropriate moment. You can’t raise your tone or start shouting.
How to arouse interest on the part of your interlocutor
We are all individuals. Everyone has their own goals, views on life, principles and priorities. Everyone's desire to feel important in society is normal.
Be very careful in your judgments. It is better to leave the last word with the interlocutor than with yourself. Give in to him in an argument: the relationship will not deteriorate, and you will remain unconvinced.
Do not show arrogance in any conversation. When speaking, weigh every word. An arrogant tone, a desire to elevate yourself above your opponent can greatly offend him, and then his opinion of you will not be the best, and he is unlikely to have a desire to communicate with you again.
Try not to remain on the sidelines, be closer to people. It is much more pleasant to communicate with someone who is on the same wavelength, so hiding in a corner will not be the best solution.
What you should pay attention to
Avoid conversations where there are complaints about your boss, colleagues, work or your fate. Remember that everyone has enough problems without you, so no one wants to listen to other people’s problems. People communicate for fun.
An important psychological point in a conversation is the posture in which you and your interlocutor are. It has been proven that by adopting the pose of your interlocutor, you thereby open him up to communication and create comfortable conditions for him.
When speaking, try to remain yourself. Unnaturalness in communication, the desire to show yourself as a completely different person from the outside can look very funny and ridiculous, although it may seem to you that you fit into this image perfectly. You won't be able to play for long, and sooner or later people will find out what you really are like. So, why splurge and deceive your interlocutor already at the initial stage of communication. Naturalness and ease are the basic rules of behavior.
Often a person’s complexes serve as an obstacle to normal communication. Each of us has both advantages and disadvantages, but not everyone is prevented from starting conversations and becoming the life of the party. If you yourself feel good and confident when communicating, those around you will notice and appreciate it.
The main teacher is experience that does not come immediately. To obtain it you need time and appropriate conditions. The main thing is to be as confident a person as possible, to be able to “convey yourself” to society. Expand your circle of friends by including different people: by age, by views, and by life principles.
Any communication starts small. Thanks to some communication skills, you will be able to become an authoritative person in your circles, to whom everyone will listen with interest. It’s not for nothing that they say that self-love gives rise to the love of others for you. Only when you begin to respect yourself will others begin to do the same.
The ability to communicate will definitely lead you to success. Don't be afraid to come out of the shadows and start communicating first. Be polite and friendly, and then you will be able to win sympathy from your interlocutor.
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