As my friend has already said, in response to the question of who my unsuitable comforter is, it really is my ex-husband. At the very beginning, I wrote that there was already a drama in my life, after which it took me a very long and very painful time to come to my senses. Because she really loved her very much. I got married a long time ago, more than ten years ago. We didn't live together for long, about three years, then we broke up for reasons beyond my control. He ended up with a lot of money, he ended up owing some fantastic amount, and to different people. It all became clear when these people began to come to our home and ask: when will your husband return the money to us? And not only strangers, but also neighbors, acquaintances and even relatives. Naturally, almost no one believed that I knew nothing, because husband and wife are one Satan. And I really didn’t know anything, because he never said anything. He hoped that he would get out of it on his own, but instead he became even more entangled. I almost on my knees asked him to tell the truth, but he was never able to overcome himself and do it. Over time, the situation began to become more and more tense, at some point he went to his friend for several days. During these days, a lot more information fell on me, I couldn’t stand it and said: don’t come back. Moreover, we lived with my parents, and we had to think not only about ourselves. (he didn’t have his own housing in Moscow, he was from out of town). He never returned. I have never been worse than in those days, I did not sleep, did not eat, and cried constantly. About a month passed, he called and offered to meet. And I started dating him, I couldn’t live without him then. In general, it turned out that he was really confused, someone set him up, and he didn’t figure it out in time. What I mean is that he didn’t embezzle any money, he was left with nothing, although I still don’t know all the details. Moreover, he found himself without documents, Moscow registration and housing. Accordingly, I couldn’t get a job properly. He lived in some hospital, then hung around with friends. I met with him on weekends, despite the fact that it could be quite dangerous. What didn’t happen then: for example, one of the creditors called him for a conversation, he went, they pressed him there, trying to find out what happened to the money, he jumped from the 3rd floor without outerwear and shoes, and this was at the end of March. Then he sat somewhere for a day, then asked to come for him. My father and I took him by car out of town to his friends. Then it turned out that he broke his leg, and I went to him with crutches, food, etc. There were a lot of different things. That’s how I lived, probably for a year and a half. Then the noise around this story seemed to subside, but I kept hoping that something else could be fixed, and we would be together. But nothing changed, and at some point I was just tired. I began to slowly move away, we began to meet less and less. I officially divorced him. Then I was probably alone for three years, until “husband” No. 2 appeared in my life.
All this time I still had an idea of how he lived. My ex-husband and I have a mutual friend, from whom I found out how things were going. He, in turn, found out how I was doing. I sometimes came to visit this friend, and there I saw my husband. As a rule, it ended with us getting drunk, and in the morning I would drive to work, exhausted by memories and sleepless at night.
About two years ago I found out that my ex had gotten married again. Because I myself had more or less everything at that time, I was not very impressed, although, deep down in my soul, I probably always considered it my property. We even met once after his wedding, at our mutual friend’s house. But I left pretty quickly.
When at the end of January this year my life once again began to crack, I had to somehow survive. Everyone around advised me to communicate as much as possible, no matter with whom. And I wanted to meet my ex and our mutual friend. I called and they came to visit me. Since then we have been in contact again. Just as it always happens when a man is married. That is, only when it is convenient for him. But even if he weren’t married, everything would be exactly the same (I can say this because I know this man well). Although he says he loves me. Perhaps he says this sincerely. Only he loves in his own way, and I have no illusions about this.
I understand perfectly well that this is not a solution, that you cannot step into the same river twice, that he is married, etc. I understand perfectly well that this is really not the person on whose chest you can look for consolation, because he is an introvert, very proud and independent, well, he’s just not a suitable person for this in principle. But he at least somehow fills the vacuum that has formed in my life (I can’t say that I’m very afraid of loneliness, I can live alone, I know that for sure, but at the moment I perceive my loneliness very painfully.) And then, this is a person , for whom I had the strongest feelings, there really was nothing stronger.
To this day, when I remember what happened then, I start crying. That is, somewhere deep down in the soul, that pain is still alive. I don’t know how to treat this.
This is the kind of confusion I live in. We need to get out slowly. That's why I wrote all this.
We have all experienced difficulties in life. And we all withstood them, went through them and survived them. However, some people overcome them much easier than others. What is their secret? Most of the time it has to do with attitude. So, when life gets tough, repeat these 13 truths to yourself.
1. What happened, happened.
The famous saying of the Buddha says: “It is your resistance to what has happened, what is already there, that is the cause of your suffering.” Think about this for just a minute. This means that we suffer when we resist the current situation and the real state of things. If you can change something, then take action! Change it! But if you can't change it, then you have two options: (1) accept it and let go of all the negativity, or (2) plunge headlong into your own suffering.
2. A situation becomes a problem when you begin to perceive it as a problem.
More often than not, our own worst enemy is ourselves. The feeling of happiness or unhappiness depends only and only on your attitude. If you believe that the situation is truly a problem, then your thoughts and emotions will be negative. But if you think that the situation is simply a lesson for you from which you can learn something, then what is the problem?
3. If you want to change something, then you need to start by changing yourself.
Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Don't you know people whose lives are like eternal chaos and tension? And isn't this because (to a large extent) they feel chaotic and tense inside too? Yes exactly. We like to think that if circumstances change, then everything will change for us. In fact, we need to think in the opposite direction: we must change ourselves before our circumstances change.
4. There is no such thing as failure or failure. There are only opportunities for learning.
You must simply remove the words “failure” or “failure” from your vocabulary. All great people who have achieved a lot in life have failed repeatedly. Imagine if Thomas Edison said this: “I had no failures when I invented the light bulb. I was just the first to find 99 reasons why it didn’t work.” Analyze your so-called “failures” and learn from them. Next time you will do much better.
5. If you don't get what you want, it means something much better is on the way.
It is hard to believe. But it's true. If you look back at your life, you can understand that if something didn’t work out for you, it was only for the better. Maybe the position you wanted but didn't get took you away from your family, but now you have a great job with flexible hours. Just trust that everything is happening exactly as it should.
6. Appreciate the present moment.
This moment will never come again. And there is always something valuable in every moment. Don't let him pass you by! Soon it will be just a memory. Even those moments that you were not happy about can, over time, be remembered with a hint of nostalgia.
7. Let go of your desires.
Most people live with certain “anchors”. This means that they are tightly attached to some desire of theirs, and when they do not receive it, they fall into frustration and depression. Instead, try to practice unhooking yourself from such an “anchor.” In other words, even if you want something, you will still be happy whether you get it or not. Your emotions remain positive or neutral.
8. Understand the nature of your fears and be grateful for them.
Fear can be a great teacher, and overcoming it will make you feel like a winner. For example, one of the three main fears of all people is the fear of public speaking, however, many have overcome this fear through constant practice. Fear is just an illusion, which is quite possible to get rid of.
9. Allow yourself to experience joy.
It turns out that there are many people who do not allow themselves to be happy and have fun. Moreover, they don’t even know what it means to be happy. They are attached to their problems and troubles, constantly nurse and cherish disappointments within themselves, they simply no longer know how to live differently. Therefore, always allow yourself to be happy! Even if it's just a small moment in your life. It is important to focus on the joys and not on the difficulties.
10. Don't compare yourself to other people.
If you are already comparing yourself to others, then compare yourself to those people who are worse off than you. Be grateful that you have a well-paid job, for example. Others don't have this. Are you unhappy with your appearance? This is how most people don't look like movie stars from a staged photo shoot. And you probably look a lot prettier than other people. Focus on this.
11. You are not a victim.
You must go your own way. You are just an ordinary “victim” of your own thoughts, words and actions. No one else is deliberately making you a victim. You are the creator of your own experience. Take personal responsibility and understand that you are fully capable of getting out of any difficult situation. You just need to start by changing your thoughts and actions. Give up the victim mentality and become a winner.
12. Everything can change. Not only that, everything will really change!
"This too shall pass". A brilliant saying in its wisdom. When we find ourselves in a disgusting situation, we often see no light or way out. We believe that nothing will ever change. Not true! It will change! Nothing lasts forever except death. Get out of your head the thought that now everything will be bad. Will not be. However, you yourself need to take some action to influence reality and change it. It is unlikely that everything will magically change without your participation.
13. Anything is possible.
Miracles happen every day. And that's a fact. People are healed from terminal cancer and find love when they no longer expect it. And this happens all the time. You just have to believe that it's happening. And when you believe this, then consider that you have won the battle.
Victor Semenov flinched from an unexpected tap on the shoulder. Immersed in gloomy thoughts, he absentmindedly looked around and, not seeing anyone nearby - it was probably his imagination - he was about to move on, but he felt another touch: this time on the other shoulder.
Victor turned around sharply and found himself in the bear hug of Petka Lyubutin, a childhood friend whom they had not seen for the last two years. Or a little more.
Why are you, opera theater, looking so gloomy? Life has cracked, fate has become cancer? – Lyubutin, unlike Semenov, did not lose optimism even in the most difficult moments of his life. Or, at least, he tried not to show his true mood. - You're rambling like an old man. Hunched over. Even his cheeks sagged, like a retired bulldog.
“Fuck you with your cop jokes,” Victor snapped. And then he changed his anger to mercy. “I’m very glad to see you, criminal.” Have you already caught all the bandits?
It seems that the criminal, beat him into a swing, is finished. Yes, more on that later. How are you? You already got a kid with Irka, guess?
Fuck it! – Semenov responded with undisguised bitterness. “Only everything seemed to fall into place, and her plant was covered with a copper basin.” And in recent years, my teaching hours have not been very fast. Look, the first of September is just around the corner, and we haven’t been paid our vacation pay yet. We met at school today after our vacation, and the six of us barely scraped together enough for one bottle to somehow celebrate the start of work. So from such a dose, even without a snack, neither in the head nor in the ass. Although you know that I don’t need much.
Well, we’ll fix this, the opera theater, now,” Lyubutin noticeably cheered up. – If the children don’t cry at home, then the wife can wait once a year. If you don’t know, I’m a free person, but I definitely haven’t seen each other in a couple of years to have enough money to sit in a cafe with a friend! - I have enough. And don't say no to me!
And no one objects.
The chance meeting turned out to be just right. Because Victor’s mood lately has been in the worst possible way. Everything gradually overlapped: the wife’s forced unemployment, constant delays in salary at school, the dullness and hopelessness of the life around her. In a word - sheer stress. And in this situation there are only two ways to remove it: sex or alcohol. And here is such an opportunity.
Irka will wait, in fact, just once. Let’s sit with Petka for an hour or two, chat, and go home. How much will we drink there during this time? Just enough to relieve some tension...
Subsequent events eloquently showed how wrong Semenov was in his assumptions. Especially in the amount of drink. And no one kept track of the time in such a situation.
Lyubutin brought his childhood friend to the Bristol cafe, which was considered one of the most prestigious in the city. Before perestroika, this premises housed a public catering establishment with the name “Ryumochnaya”, which was close and very understandable to Russian people, designed, in the opinion of some of the ideologists of socialism, to cultivate a drinking culture in Soviet people. Not in the entrance or gateway and from the neck, but “culturedly”: behind the counter and in the warmth. At a minimum - a glass and an obligatory snack. Both the state receives additional income and the person receives “relief.” In the sense that part of the available money is voluntarily and compulsorily spent on snacks: you will drink less, and you will not get drunk as quickly as on an empty stomach.
At the turn of the 90s, enterprising “persons of Caucasian nationality” bought from the city authorities for a pittance a building that had been empty and rapidly deteriorating for several years in a quiet side street near the central park and in a short time, having spent a tidy sum on its expansion and corresponding repairs, they turned the former “ Ryumochnaya" to one of the most popular "relaxation" places in the city.
Prices in “Bristol” were, of course, “astronomical” for a simple state employee, but the food and drinks served there were natural. Two magnificent billiard tables awaited those who loved to shoot balls in the basement. It was also rumored that the staff of young, long-legged waitresses in the cafe was at least twice as large as necessary, since some periodically left their workplace, accompanied by wealthy clients, to a cozy private hotel located in a nearby house.
Whether this was true or not, Semyonov did not undertake to say, because that evening he found himself in the twilight-shrouded hall for the first time. But Lyubutin felt at home in Bristol, like a monkey on a palm tree familiar from childhood.
Vitka, opera theater, relax! The local owners know me well from my old service. Of course, they won’t feed you at the expense of the establishment, but they won’t be impudent either. So, as you like to say, everything is in order. Make yourself comfortable!
A free table for two turned out to be in a shallow niche, so the friends sat with maximum comfort, without at the same time attracting undue attention from other visitors. Lyubutin whispered for a couple of minutes with the waiter who instantly appeared next to him, and soon plates with various snacks, a slightly foggy bottle of blackcurrant Absolut and a crystal ashtray appeared on the table.
Well, let's shudder, Slavs! – Peter cheerfully proclaimed, raising a fairly capacious glass of Bohemian glass filled to the brim. – For our ageless friendship!
If this type of human relationship is measured by the amount of drink, then with Semenov and Lyubutin everything was not just strong, but reinforced concrete. In this case, it’s not even convenient to talk about the duration: at least, from the cradle.
When the second bottle of the world-famous Swedish drink appeared on the table, Victor felt “inspired.” Something between rocking on the waves of the gentle surf and free flight. At the slightest attempt to get up, he was noticeably thrown from side to side, and at the same time his head lived a completely separate life: no coherent thoughts, no specific desires, no negative emotions. From the very beginning of the “event” he tried to pour himself a drink and have a good snack, but his body, poorly adapted from birth to drinking strong drinks, reacted poorly to all these naive tricks. Cheap cigarettes of “joint” Odessa-Warsaw production also made a strong contribution.
They also say that cigarettes partially neutralize the effects of alcohol. This is bullshit, a fucking louse! – he said with a naughty tongue, “thoughtfully” blowing smoke in small, neat rings.
Of course it’s bullshit. Full and with vegetable oil. Or olive,” Lyubutin readily responded. – But this is a matter of taste.
Surprisingly, alcohol affected him in a completely incomprehensible way. Somewhere towards the end of the first bottle, Lyubutin became somewhat tipsy, but then he “froze” in this state, as if he continued to drink exclusively spring water, which only stimulated more active kidney function. Moreover, women’s topics began to dominate the conversation.
You know, Vitek, everything seems to be normal in life, but there’s not enough sex. Although my artist was still that little thing, she knew this business and loved it. Oh, what she sometimes did in bed! Opera theater! Of course, I understand that this is not the whole of life, but sometimes, as I remember... I came home, had dinner and full service for you. Okay, if only we had a little money, everything else would follow. I’d better go and visit the secluded corner again.
Peter was about to get up, but he looked at a young waitress passing by. At that moment, the shaven-headed big man walking towards her slightly swayed to the side and loudly slapped the girl with his wide, shovel-like palm in the place where the back was already losing its honorary name. In surprise, she let out a muffled groan and almost dropped the tray with someone’s order. “Bald” neighed with satisfaction.
Man, you're wrong! – still sitting at the table, Lyubutin said quietly.
What are you saying there, you freak! – he turned sharply towards the big man’s voice. - Sit and sleep in two holes. And don’t let this “goat” act like she’s not being kissed. Give her fifty bucks now - she’ll be so cute and give her something like that...
Well, this, the opera theater, is a debatable issue. And you will see a freak in the mirror in the morning when you comb your hair.
Oh you goat!!!
The skinhead covered the distance to the table in one leap and his one-pound fist whizzed through the air like a cannonball. What his childhood friend did, Semyonov hardly considered even in a completely sober state. A carefully calibrated, almost imperceptible movement - and its owner followed the fist into free flight. In full, so to speak, volume. A moment later, his head crashed into a brick wall carefully draped with soft fabric.
“Yes, it’s only in films that heroes beat each other up for ten minutes, and then the winner, as if nothing had happened, goes to bed with the girl he loves. In real life, everything is decided by one quick blow or a correctly executed technique,” a completely sober thought visited Semenov’s head, thoroughly clouded by vodka fumes.
At the sound of the fall of at least a hundred kilogram body, two hefty security guards of the establishment materialized in the niche.
Is everything okay, gentlemen? - they asked in one voice, looking exclusively at Lyubutin’s face.
Yes,” he nodded casually, “the man just suddenly became ill next to our table.” You, opera theatre, take care of it. And he looks so healthy...
The young people easily lifted the “connoisseur” of women’s charms who had not yet come to his senses and dragged him to the exit. The whole incident took at most three minutes. The “culprit” of the short-lived skirmish, who was returning back, looked gratefully at the “hero”:
Thank you very much! I work today until 23-00. so if you're not in a hurry...
Not at all! – Peter assured her, smiling widely. “My friend and I will be happy to sit again.” It's so quiet and calm here. And they feed well.
Vit! – he turned to Semenov after the girl left. – Will you get home on your own? Otherwise you somehow don’t feel confident.
Yes, everything is in a bunch. I’ll sit a little longer, eat, smoke. And there I will move slowly. I'll get there somehow... And the waitresses here really don't have very strict rules. So much for “not enough sex.”
“These are such magical words,” Lyubutin purred contentedly. – And as for the rules and morals, we’ll see later. Maybe it’s not in vain that they say it. But who, fuck him in a swing, would like it when they unexpectedly slap you on the butt with such a stupid hand?
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