I found an article, maybe someone will be interested)
Surprisingly, stereotypes have been firmly entrenched in our society for a long time, and historically for some reason it turned out that a man wants to have a son, not a daughter, in order to raise him as a real man. At such a moment, I constantly remember, so to speak, an anecdote from life. Wife: “Darling, what if we don’t have a son?” The husband was surprised: “Who?!” Thus, many expectant mothers begin to panic; they are afraid to give birth to a girl, as their husband may be upset! Well, we are looking for a way out of this situation.
Do not be sad!
As practice shows, in most cases, the fears and worries of young mothers turn out to be in vain. The same young dads who madly want a son so that they can then go around and brag to everyone that he has a son, as soon as they see their daughter, immediately change their opinion to the opposite.
And this is a fact, so you should not immediately panic as soon as the ultrasound showed that you will have not a prince, but a princess in your family. Moreover, most mothers make the most important mistake - they begin to grumble and be offended by their man, although the child has not yet been born, and, in principle, there is no point in being offended, since, most likely, when they see their beautiful daughter, men they forget that they wanted a boy.
To dispel all your doubts and convince you that there is no need to be nervous about the birth of a girl, let's look deep into the problem. The fact is that the desire to have a boy lies deep in the psyche of a man. The man is sure that with the birth of his son, he will get rid of all his complexes, since with the help of his son he will be able to realize all his secret desires.
For example, a man wanted to become a football player, but it didn’t work out, which means he will definitely make his son a football player. All his life the man wanted to become a master of sports in karate, great - such a fate awaits his son, and as soon as he turns three years old, he will send him to the sports section. And when a man finds out that he is having a girl and not a boy, his hope of realizing himself in the person of his son collapses, and because of this he naturally becomes upset.
But nature, first of all, endowed us, women, with wisdom, so we can convince a man that a girl is the same achievement as a boy.
We guide a man on the right path
If you delve into the brains of male representatives, you can find a paradoxical thing there. They are mistakenly convinced that they should not take any part in raising a girl. Something like: men, and girls are raised by women.
You will have to explain to them that this rule applies only in a few matters; in all other cases, the father should take an even greater part in the upbringing and life of his daughter than the mother. Since it depends on the father’s upbringing whether his daughter will grow up to be a good wife and woman, whether she will not be afraid of men and whether she will not take it into her head to commit rash acts.
- If, nevertheless, your husband is worried and nervous even after your arguments, give him a killer argument - daughters love fathers more than mothers. Didn't you know? Yes this is true. Equally, like boys in the first years of their lives, they are more drawn to their mothers than to their fathers.
In fact, men are very limited in their understanding of raising girls. They are sure that you cannot communicate with a girl the same way as with a boy; in other words, you cannot spend time with your daughter the way they would like to spend time with their son. Of course, there are some restrictions, however, they appear only at an older age, and in infancy there is absolutely no difference, except, of course, for clothes and some toys.
To make it more clear what we are talking about, we will give specific examples. For example, why do you want to go fishing and hunting only with your son? The daughter will also be a wonderful companion in this pleasant pastime. In addition, the days when daughters were sent to boarding schools for noble maidens and prepared for marriage are long gone. In the modern world, your daughter, together with your husband, will dismantle the car and take part in the races.
- That is why your main task is to open your husband’s eyes and prove to him that with the help of his daughter he can also realize himself, have a great time and raise his beloved child.
From a biological point of view
Now let's look at the process of giving birth to a child from a biological point of view. The fact is that it depends only on the man who will be born to him, a boy or a girl, so if your husband begins to worry very much about the fact that he will have a girl and not a boy, and none of the above arguments will help, gently hint to him that only his sperm have a direct bearing on the appearance of a girl, but not you. So, back to biology: in male sperm, sperm with X chromosomes and Y chromosomes simultaneously develop and exist.
Everyone knows that when a man’s seed enters the uterus, sperm begin to move, so to speak, “at speed” to the female egg for fertilization. So, if the first sperm is with X chromosomes, it means a girl will be born, and if with Y chromosomes, it means a boy. Therefore, if your husband is very offended and upset that a girl will be born and not a boy, let him blame only himself.
- Explain to him that it means that nature was destined for a girl to be born in your family. Moreover, she will be very brave and strong, since at one time she was able to get ahead of a large number of boys, right?
And, finally, I would like to say that we, women, really like to create a problem where there really is none. There is nothing wrong with the fact that a man wants to have a son more than a daughter, since, first of all, a son is an heir, a successor to the family and a bearer of the family name. But this does not mean at all that your husband will love his daughter less than his son. The main thing is to dispel his doubts. Good luck to you and mutual understanding!
And it's great! You are incredibly lucky.
Let's start with the fact that as soon as you get to your feet in the maternity hospital and go to the window, you will immediately see your beloved, stunned with joy. Perhaps he has already tried several times to storm the tree under the window of the chamber with an armful of flowers in his teeth in the hope of seeing the face of his first-born or the next heir. And the fact that you are on the fifth floor does not scare him at all. Perhaps he has already filled the children's room to capacity with dump trucks, moon rovers, horses, weapons of various calibers and suits for the little gentleman (though he has already managed to take all the dolls and pink clothes that you had prepared in advance out of the house). Perhaps, after returning from the maternity hospital, the young dad will please you with the news that he is now beginning to lead an active lifestyle, eat rationally and intends to give up being an exemplary father for his son. However, now, when you watch from the window several times a day the behavior of this very “ideal dad,” you are horrified by his recklessness. It's okay - the costs of irrepressible delight.
"Daddy's Boy"
Well, now seriously. You really really wanted to give birth to a girl, and therefore you carefully calculated everything, resorting to various methods, and received well-grounded predictions and schedules from the most authoritative experts in advance. But a boy was born, although your condition during pregnancy, the doctor’s forecasts, and a special examination seemed to indicate the opposite. Yes, my dreams of braiding hair, tying bows, sewing on frills, dressing up like a doll, and eventually becoming my daughter’s close friend collapsed. You will probably feel slightly envious of your friends who have daughters for some time. And only when your baby turns into a little boy, and then into a schoolboy and teenager-accelerator, will you realize what happiness the Lord God has sent you. So, if your husband so passionately wanted to have a son, then it won’t be difficult for you, using simple, cunning techniques, to entrust him with raising a real man - to turn the baby into a “daddy’s boy.” From a certain age, only the father must have “admission” to the bathroom to wash the child. Only dad satisfies curiosity about conception and the peculiarities of physiological development. Dad is called up for all war and construction games. During rest, only dad can occupy the child and teach him something. When traveling by car, there is no one except dad to answer questions about car brands, their characteristics and power. Before going to bed, no one can tell you better than dad about fantasy worlds, aliens, and flying saucers. The right to buy toys for a boy belongs only to dad. And now, to the envy of all your friends, you entrust the lion’s share of caring for your son to a loving father and don’t even particularly dream of having a granddaughter, because the future grandfather knows perfectly well how to care for boys and how to communicate with them. And in a conversation with women who are vigilantly raising their daughters in labor, worries and worries, you always have something to brag about. How? Give them these killer arguments!
25 arguments for
- I don’t get up early in the morning to iron my dress, braid my hair or tie bows.
- I don’t suffer that the child is short-legged, club-footed, lop-eared, red-haired, freckled, with sparse hair.
- I don’t force you to do aerobics every day, go to music school, ballroom dancing and foreign language courses.
- I don’t hear any complaints about someone pestering me during recess or pulling my hair.
- I am not on duty under the windows of the classroom where the disco is taking place in order to escort the child home.
- I’m not interested in what kind of boy he is calling non-stop and coming to us, what family he’s from.
- I'm not begging you to eat a piece. On the contrary: “Have you eaten everything you prepared for the week?”
- I do not foresee with horror the possible consequences of early puberty.
- I don’t read morals about a girl’s moral purity and modesty.
- I don’t slip literature about new contraceptives into my desk.
- I don’t put hygiene bags in my school backpack along with sandwiches.
- I don’t look into my jeans to see if I’m wearing leggings for a walk in cold weather.
- I don’t forbid running barefoot through puddles, climbing fences and trees, swimming in not entirely sterile bodies of water, jumping with an umbrella.
- I don’t pack suitcases with underwear, skirts, dresses and shoes, seeing off my child on vacation.
- I don’t teach how to cook, wash, iron, sew, knit, darn, embroider, overcast, can, starch.
- I don’t see hysterics, tears, wet handkerchiefs and pillows in cases of age-related emotional distress.
- I don’t prioritize the use of sunglasses, a hat, or a handbag, and I don’t look for my jewelry.
- I don’t quarrel with anyone over a constantly busy telephone at any time of the day.
- I don’t kick my husband out of the kitchen if he shows up in shorts or pajamas.
- I don’t discover that in the chest of drawers, where there was a whole package of my tights, there is not a single pair.
- I can't find an empty bottle in a French perfume box.
- I don’t get old sweaters, jackets, or trousers from the master’s shoulder.
- I don’t arrange a warehouse on the mezzanine for things and shoes that may someday be in demand.
- I don’t buy jewelry, furs, linen, or dishes for future use in order to “put together” a decent dowry for the bride in advance.
- I don’t rack my brains over who will get my only “treasure”.
Some excerpts from women's forums on the topic “the father wanted a son, but a daughter was born.” Spelling and punctuation have been preserved, no words have been added or subtracted.
Zh: Even before pregnancy, I once asked my husband whether he wanted a boy or a girl more, he replied that in principle he didn’t care, but any man wants a son more, because... continuation of the family line, surname, etc. Then we planned a child, he spent a long time calculating that it would be a boy! At the first ultrasound we were told that it was a girl - he only replied that he thought so! Now our baby is 2 months old! our dad constantly jokes that he saw a T-shirt “I have a daughter, so I don’t see the point in planting a tree and building a house” and looks at my reaction, then with regret he tells his daughter that she will not be a glamorous blonde (my husband and I are brunettes), that everything men want boys and our friends are men! to the question do you love your daughter? he answers yes, it’s still my child, even though it’s a girl! Mlyn, but I’m offended, as if she’s second class to him! This may also affect her upbringing. In America, in films, all fathers call their daughters beauties, “my lady”, “princess”. during quarrels, if I offend him, he says that women have no logic, etc., that God made a woman from the rib of Adam, and the rib is the only bone where there is no bone marrow. It bothers me. although in general he treats the child well. When I tell him that I am not pleased to hear the unpleasant things he says, he proves that it’s not so? what did I say? So I don’t know what to do, it’s annoying me...
Zh: I’ll tell you about my mother (according to her mother-in-law). My sister was born first, and naturally the second father only wanted a boy, and so he comes to the maternity hospital and they tell him that I was born. At first he was terribly upset, and then his grandmother tried to persuade him that they would be good friends, etc... he seemed to calm down, but later I replaced this son for him, together they made cars, assembled furniture and were not interested in dolls at all and I always come first for him..
J: The reaction was amazing! The only thing he could ask me about was: Maybe it will grow back?
But when I picked her up for the first time on the first day... I barely took her, I didn’t want to give her back.
Zh: An acquaintance really wanted a son, and his wife said that the ultrasound said that it would be a girl, before the birth of the child he was not himself, did not want a child, and then it turned out to be a surprise for him, but his wife still (2 years) has not can forgive him for this.
Zh: All 4 ultrasounds showed that it was going to be a girl, my husband just didn’t want to believe it. When I asked him what the first thought came to him when he found out that he became a father (a daughter was born), he said: “It’s a pity that I’m not a boy!” I was very upset *-) For two months he didn’t come at all, didn’t help, but closer to the year he was rehabilitated, now his daughter is 3 years old, he loves her so much
F: my husband wanted a son... I knew there would be a daughter... when she was born she said “but our grandchildren will be ours”
Zh: When I was born to my parents, my dad’s friend kept teasing my dad that wow, my daughter is not an heir. And his mother blurted out to him in her hearts: “And you... will have TWO daughters!” And sure enough, after a couple of years, one, then another daughter
Zh: I remember I came for the ultrasound. And there was a couple in front of me. And there he sat, muttering. If only I had a son, if only I had a son. They come out. she’s in tears, he’s using swear words on the phone, “this bitch is pregnant with a girl again, she can’t do a damn thing,” and a lot of other slop. I wanted to hit him with something on the donkey.
Zh: We have a problem in our family - my husband really wanted a son, but a daughter was born. Our Yulechka is already four months old, and her husband is trying in every possible way to avoid her, does not feed her, does not change diapers, and does not show her proper paternal attention. Once I heard him call his daughter “Yurka”. What should I do now?
Zh: Mine, too, always wanted a boy, a football player, and when they did an ultrasound, my daughter kicked him hard in the stomach, I called him and let it slip that we have such a football player growing up, and then I asked guess who, he was happy - a boy! But I’m not, a girl, but a football player, and it turns out he heard a football player, in short, I understood from his voice that he was upset and then he said that he knew that it would be like this (((he said that he didn’t care who, he just didn’t know what to do with the girl.. they were arguing because of this, he says that I’m talking nonsense, that he’s happy for any child, but he speaks without enthusiasm, as if he were a child and a child, and when he thought that it was a guy, there was so much joy in his voice (((I still have resentment towards him, his sisters have boyfriends and he messes with them all the time... But I’ve already decided that this is my daughter, and let him continue to mess around with his nephews, that’s how men offend... And it’s useless to tell me, that he would love his daughter more, the fact is a fact, he wanted a son! but he simply resigned himself to the thought of a girl..
M: I also wanted a son, but a daughter was born. But beautiful and talented!!!
M: And I’m not a pedophile, so I didn’t want anyone, my wife wanted me and a daughter was also born, I don’t have any special feelings for her, but I’ll have to raise her as my own child.
“I even bought a green envelope for the maternity hospital...”
Yulia, 32 years old, mother of two daughters
When at the ultrasound with my first child they told me it was a girl, I was a little upset. “So the second one will be a boy! - I decided to myself, - And the first daughter is cool! Assistant!". There was no doubt, I had already chosen the boy’s name in advance and was handing out things that my daughter would grow out of - the guy had no use for them! When my eldest was two years old, I became pregnant. At the second ultrasound, the doctor hesitantly said: “It seems there is nothing boyish there...”, and at the third she confirmed the daughter. Despite everything, I stood my ground, even bought a green envelope for the maternity hospital! Everything turned upside down in my head only when I gave birth and saw my daughter: she is the best girl, and she definitely had to be born a girl! And the boy? Well, maybe another time!
“I was afraid for the child and realized how insignificant it is - a boy or a girl”
Olga, 36 years old, mother of three daughters
The girl was born first, and it was cool. Three years later, I realized that I wanted another child. I had a picture of an ideal family in my head: dad, mom, daughter and son. But we had a girl again, the desire to have a boy remained unfulfilled. For five years I tried to drown him out, and then I began to persuade my husband for a third - and again it turned out to be a girl. And then something happened that covered all my disappointments - my daughter was born prematurely. Several weeks in intensive care, a month in an incubator. I was afraid for her every minute, and it was then that I realized how insignificant it all is - a boy or a girl. Thank God, everything is fine with the child, now she is almost four. I might even try to give birth to a son, but I’m too afraid of premature birth.
“The husband said: “Stop calculating! Whoever is born will be born!”
Irina, 35 years old, mother of three daughters
I wanted a girl first - and that’s what happened. Then I didn’t care, and when my daughter was born again, I was happy - two girls are more interesting together. And then I terribly wanted a son, not for myself, for my husband. I thought, having two daughters, my husband would probably be upset, even though he was silent. In addition, my relatives egged me on, joking that we only had girls. I decided to take this issue seriously and predict ovulation. For several months I tormented my husband with calculations: “It’s not possible now!”, “But today we need to, and soon!”, but I couldn’t get pregnant. Finally the husband said: “Stop calculating! Whoever is born will be born!”, and in the same cycle everything worked out. At the third ultrasound, the doctor confirmed: I’m expecting a daughter again, my dream is over. Upset, I told my husband about this, and he was even happy: “It’s more familiar with girls! And then, imagine how much fun they will have together!” Now I have three daughters, like in a fairy tale, and I don’t regret it at all. Are you ready to take a risk and give birth to a fourth child? No, the cup is full, but I’m already happy!
“I never thought there would be five of them!”
Olga, 34 years old, mother of four daughters and one boy
My son is my oldest child. I gave birth to him from my first husband, then we divorced and I remarried. I also wanted to give my second husband a son, but I gave birth to a daughter. Three years later they tried again - and again my daughter. We received maternity capital and land for families with many children, and began to build a house. And then they decided on the fourth: “What the hell isn’t joking, maybe we’ll give birth to a boy now!” Already after the tenth week of pregnancy, I felt that something was wrong: pregnancy was becoming more difficult, I was gaining weight faster. The Uzist woman said: Oh, you have twins here!” My husband and I went to the second ultrasound together. And when they told us: “Girl! And also...a girl!”, we began to laugh hysterically. If I had only one child in my belly, I would probably be upset, but there are so many thoughts at once: where to put them, how to walk, what to wear... Now the girls are already two years old. They get along great with their older sisters, and my fifteen-year-old son is going through a teenage crisis, and sometimes I think: “It’s good that the rest of the girls! It’s easier with them!”
During pregnancy, a woman only cares about one thing: that the baby is born healthy.
Of course, some expectant mothers dream of braiding hair or a little knight, but, as a rule, the result is not important for them.
And the future dad quite often has a specific order: “A boy, and no girls!”
I wanted a son, but a daughter was born...
The dreams of almost any future father about a son lie in the psyche of a man and social attitudes. With the birth of his son, the father begins to dream about how he will go to football and fishing with him.
And you can safely buy remote-controlled cars and complex construction kits for kids of both sexes -
Thirdly, the man sees his continuation in his son and expects him to accomplish what he himself could not do. But your son may not be interested in football; he will be interested in, say, computer programming. And instead of a dream come true, only alienation will await you.
After all, by imposing your will on the same stubborn person - “you can’t crush genes with your finger,” people say - you will lose the opportunity to simply kick a ball together in your free time. And a girl will also be happy to join this type of recreation.
Another reason— the desire of the future dad to raise his son to be a “real man.” And such a desire is sometimes fraught with excesses.
How many boys thoughtlessly rushing into dangerous situations just wanted to prove to dad that they were worthy of his approval! And how many of them died without achieving the coveted “I’m proud of you!”, without revealing their unique human potential.
With those who managed to survive (one would like to write “miraculously”), such “implementer” dads enter into endless competition for the attention of the main woman in the house.
First, competing almost “on an equal footing” with the baby for the right to own her breasts, then trying to fight for the bed (but at the same time, not agreeing to get up at night to the baby, who was transferred to a separate bed), proving to the sobbing three-year-old: “My mother!” - “No, mine!”, by the time his son reaches adolescence, such a would-be father sometimes does not have time to grow up and realize that all this time the son was right: “mother” is his. But “wife”, “beloved” remained a draw.
So take a closer look at the husband who passionately demands a boy. Who does he really need: a playmate, a submissive executor of his father’s will, or an initially weak opponent in the fight for a pass?
If the future dad is not yet tired of asserting himself in this way with friends, relatives or subordinates, we will have to make a lot of efforts to help him grow up and his son to get a father.
After all, the child will still have strict bosses and friends.
Loading...
