The concept of “self-esteem” is used primarily in psychology. This is the ability to evaluate one's strengths and weaknesses in relation to the world around us. When a person has high self-esteem, he overestimates his own potential, sees only the positive in himself, and considers himself smarter than everyone else. He sees negative qualities in other people, but not in himself. This perception has both positive and negative aspects. On the one hand, this is a sign of a more confident personality, on the other – selfishness.
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Types of high self-esteem
During the manifestation of the main properties of a person, a system of a person’s ideas about himself is formed, which consists of assessing his actions as an individual, appearance, perception of his own shortcomings and advantages. All these phenomena can lead to the development of two types of inflated self-esteem.
| Adequate | Inadequate |
|---|---|
| Most characteristic of an adult, mature personality. It is fueled by real achievements - professional, social, family and others. Such self-esteem takes on a unique form of recognition of one’s own merits. However, such perception can lead to a distortion of the sense of objective reality. Then it becomes necessary to adjust personal attitudes and behavior | Inherent mainly in children, adolescents and people who have not realized themselves socially. The most obvious reasons for such an attitude towards oneself are dissatisfaction with oneself and one’s achievements, the desire to attribute any merits and advantages to one’s own account. In children, high self-esteem is often the result of family upbringing. This happens when parents and grandparents overestimate the importance of the child's most basic skills and knowledge as they grow up. |
Subsequently, people with high self-esteem find it difficult to adapt in society, there are problems with communication, solving everyday affairs takes more energy, and as a result, psycho-emotional exhaustion, neurotic or mental disorder.
Causes
It has been scientifically established that at the stage of primary socialization, the overwhelming majority of people develop self-esteem during:
- the process of parenting;
- training in preschool educational institutions and schools;
- communication with peers and relatives.
Primary socialization is characteristic of children at all stages of personality development. In adults, a transformation of formed attitudes may occur due to several external and internal factors:
- the result of mental violence;
- experienced a traumatic situation;
- development of the disease (mental or neurotic disorder).
Psychologists have compiled a relative classification of factors that most often lead to inflated self-esteem. The most common ones include:
- Children's complexes and psychological traumas. Most often arise due to parental narcissism. During the process of primary social adaptation, they paid little attention to the child’s emotional needs. Perhaps it was only a means of their self-realization in society. Inflated self-esteem is a way of compensating for positive emotions that an individual did not receive in childhood.
- Spoiling, or excessive indulgence of a child's whims. The opposite situation arises when the attention of adults was directed only to the child in the family, and all his desires were put in first place and fulfilled, despite other needs and obstacles, for example, the illness of someone in the family or lack of money.
- Inferiority complex. As a result of feeling unfulfilled and not as successful and prosperous as others, high self-esteem serves as a defense against the outside world.
- One of a kind. It can manifest itself in one child in the family, especially a long-awaited one. In a work environment, this could be, for example, the only girl/guy in the team.
- External data. Very often, male and female people begin to exalt themselves over others because they are naturally endowed with better appearance.
- Celebrity and stardom. All public people have inflated self-esteem. It develops in 99% of cases, because the close attention and love of fans gives a feeling of superiority over other people. An extreme manifestation of this is “star fever.”
- Exposureinfluence. The perception of oneself as the best is formed under the influence of suggestion from the outside. For example, this is a common thing in all kinds of trainings on personal development and improvement, increasing self-esteem and others.
- The result of unreasonably positive attitudes from others. Often, teachers single out a particular student from the rest of the class. Often the pupil’s family has high material income and social status in society.
- Inadequate assessment of one's strengths. Under standard conditions, an individual copes with the task quite easily and successfully. But when the requirements become more complex, additional effort is required. If there have been no serious trials for a long time, a person tends to overestimate his merits.
In each specific case, the reasons for overestimation of self-esteem are determined using psychodiagnostic methods. The results obtained will determine further guidelines for correcting behavior and healing the disorder.
Signs that indicate inappropriately high self-esteem
The following signs are characteristic of an inflated level of self-esteem:
| Characteristic | |
| The subject is always confident in his own rightness, even in the presence of irrefutable arguments to the contrary. | |
| The individual constantly tries to impose his opinion, and if the attempt is unsuccessful, he does it in an aggressive manner. | |
| In any conflict or dispute, the last phrase must be his, and what exactly it will be does not matter | |
| A person does not know how to apologize and ask for forgiveness for his own mistakes. | |
| He is constantly in competition mode with friends and employees, wanting to show his superiority over others | |
| In case of one’s own mistake or failure, all the blame is placed on others or circumstances, but not on oneself | |
| Such a person tends to define himself as the most important thing in society, and during conversation the pronoun “I” often comes up. | |
| An arrogant attitude towards everyone around, which is manifested even in intonation and commanding tone | |
| When a problem arises, he will never resort to the help of others, because he is afraid of appearing weak and defenseless. | |
| During a conversation, such a person does not listen to the end and constantly interrupts the interlocutor | |
| Criticism from others is not perceived adequately; self-criticism is completely absent | |
| He strives to be the best, and if this does not happen, he worries deeply and becomes depressed. | |
| Always express your own point of view in everything, even if you were not asked for your opinion | |
| Your own interests and hobbies always come first | |
| Lack of ability to calculate risks, as a result of which the most complex cases are often taken on and not completed | |
| A person tends to constantly teach others what and how to do, even when he is not asked to do so. | |
| The individual does not recognize other authorities and denies all rules that are established by someone other than himself |
In psychology, people with too high self-esteem are considered a deviation from the norm. The reasons why an individual loses optimal social adaptation and adequate self-perception are various. It is very bad when a person is completely divorced from reality and does not notice his arrogant behavior towards others. It’s good when high self-esteem gives you self-confidence and does not turn into pathological egoism.
In most cases, such a perception leads to inevitable disappointments and negative consequences. It is more difficult for such a person to find a common language with others, so he begins to live in a state of conflict with others.
Characteristics of people
According to experts, most people who are in a similar state are in fact deeply lonely at heart and cannot solve this problem on their own. You need the help of a competent psychologist and hard work on yourself.
In childhood, parents have the greatest influence. They should notice their children’s tendency to overestimate their importance in relation to peers and adults, and also stop arrogant behavior in a timely manner. Otherwise, in the end he won’t care about them either.
People with high self-esteem risk being left completely alone if they do not reconsider their attitude towards others. An individual with a high degree of self-esteem has characteristic behavioral signs:
- he almost never develops empathy towards other people, and personal relationships are superficial;
- he compares himself out loud with other people in his favor, highlighting his merits;
- his behavior is most often arrogant and arrogant, bordering on aggressiveness;
- all his activities are built on maintaining his significance, receiving approval from others;
- close relationships, including with your children and partner, become a way of self-actualization;
- any criticism is followed by a painful reaction, including anger, screaming and crying;
- his self-affirmation occurs only through the assessment of others, and not through independent awareness of his activities.
A powerful man is always distinguished by inflated self-esteem, which he shows almost always and everywhere. Among women, this phenomenon is less common, although there are also plenty of similar individuals among them.
Adjustment methods
To solve a problem, experts recommend that people with this problem talk it out. However, such a technique can have the opposite effect and provoke conflict. It is the treatment methodology that should be selected by a specialist, taking into account the individual characteristics of the patient.
Correction of arrogant behavior in children is carried out with some specific features. Their main concept is to change the behavior pattern of parents and close relatives:
- The child should be praised for his achievements, but not without reason.
- The interests of children should not be put first. The exception is their health, development, and nutrition.
- You cannot mitigate the consequences of a child’s actions. He must form an objective perception of the result of his actions.
Before self-correction of inflated self-esteem, it is advisable to consult with a specialist. It is very difficult for people with such behavior to adapt to society. If you do not lower your level of high opinion of your merits, you can be left completely alone, disappointed in life and feel spiritual emptiness. Therefore, it is very important not to break away from reality and timely correct the model of your behavior in society.
The cause of many problems in life is inadequate self-esteem - overestimated or underestimated.
Success in life largely depends on self-esteem. How a person treats himself, how he evaluates his abilities and what place he assigns to himself in society affects his goals in life and the results he achieves.
Heightened self-esteem
A person with this type of perception of his personality tends to exaggerate his own merits and successes. Sometimes this is accompanied by a tendency to downplay the abilities of others.
Such a person usually considers his successes solely his own merit, and underestimates the role of external factors. But for failures he blames circumstances or other people, but not himself. He reacts painfully to and is ready to aggressively defend his positions.
The main desire of people with an exaggerated assessment of their own “I” is to protect themselves from failure at any cost and prove that they are right in everything. But often this behavior is a reaction to a basic feeling of inferiority.
The result of too high self-esteem is difficulties in communicating with others and problems with self-realization. As for the first, few people would want to communicate with a person who does not take into account the interests of others or allows himself to speak arrogantly. And problems with self-realization can arise for two reasons. On the one hand, people who overestimate themselves avoid goals that they are not 100% confident in their ability to achieve, for fear of not being up to the mark. As a result, they deprive themselves of many chances in life. On the other hand, unfounded self-confidence often forces them to set unattainable goals for themselves. Failures fail to be analyzed and end up wasting time and energy.
If you notice that people treat you coldly, and you have more ill-wishers than friends, watch your communication style. Perhaps the problem is your high self-esteem. Learn to treat people with respect, avoid using derogatory phrases towards others, listen to their needs and try to do something nice for the other person. Most likely, nothing will remain of the hostility of others towards you.
Low self-esteem
Such people downplay their importance and abilities. They explain their own achievements by chance, by the help of another person, by luck, and only last but not least by their own efforts. If a person doesn’t just say that, but firmly believes in it, this is not modesty, but a sign of low self-esteem. They react to compliments addressed to them with distrust or even aggressive rejection.
A person with low self-esteem always doubts himself, and therefore also has problems with self-realization. He chooses only those goals that he knows are easy to achieve. But often this is significantly lower than its real capabilities. It is not surprising that his successes in school, personal life, and career are very mediocre, but he is inclined to explain this by external circumstances.
If low self-esteem is your thing, try increasing it with auto-training. Remind yourself of your strengths every day. Repeat positive messages out loud and mentally about how talented, beautiful, wonderful you are, etc. Human.
You can use the principle of comparison and competition: if someone succeeded, then you will succeed, because you are no worse. In “difficult” cases, you can try to compare yourself with someone who does it worse than you, and remember your own attitude that you are “not worse than others, but somewhere in the middle.”
As we can see, any distorted (overestimated or underestimated) can seriously ruin a person’s life. Today there is a lot of literature available, with the help of which anyone can learn to correct their internal attitudes and patterns using special exercises and techniques. This will improve your quality of life.
In my practice, I constantly come across questions that clients ask me: “Why do people treat me this way, what’s wrong with my self-esteem?” First, let's figure out what self-esteem is in principle. This is an assessment of yourself, your strengths and weaknesses. Self-esteem is:
- underestimated – underestimating one’s own strengths;
- overestimated – overestimation of one’s own strengths;
- normal – adequate assessment of oneself, one’s own strengths in certain life situations, in setting one’s goals and objectives, in adequate perception of the world, in communicating with people.
What are the signs of low self-esteem?
- The attitude of others as an indicator. How a person treats himself is how others treat him. If he does not love, respect and value himself, then he is faced with the same attitude of people towards him.
- Inability to manage your own life. A person believes that he cannot cope with something, cannot make a decision, hesitates, thinks that nothing depends on him in this life, but depends on circumstances, other people, the state. Doubting his capabilities and strengths, he either does nothing at all or shifts the responsibility for choice to others.
- Tendency to blame others or self-flagellation. Such people do not know how to take responsibility for their lives. When it is beneficial for them, they engage in self-flagellation so that they will be pitied. And if they don’t want pity, but self-justification, then they blame others for everything.
- The desire to be good, to please, to be liked, to adapt to another person to the detriment of oneself and one’s personal desires.
- Frequent complaints to others. Some people with low self-esteem tend to complain about others and constantly blame them, thereby removing responsibility for failures from themselves. It’s not without reason that they say that the best defense is an attack.
- Focusing on your shortcomings rather than your strengths. In particular, being overly critical of your appearance. A sign of low self-esteem is pickiness about your appearance, constant dissatisfaction with your figure, eye color, height and body in general.
- Permanent nervousness, groundless aggression. And vice versa - apathy and depressive states from loss of oneself, the meaning of life, a failure, criticism from the outside, a failed exam (interview), etc.
- Loneliness or vice versa – fear of loneliness. Quarrels in relationships, excessive jealousy, as a result of the thought: “You can’t love someone like me.”
- The development of addictions and addictions as a way of temporarily escaping reality.
- Strong dependence on the opinions of other people. Inability to refuse. Painful reaction to criticism. Absence/suppression of one's own desires.
- Closedness, closedness from people. Feeling sorry for yourself. Inability to accept compliments. Permanent victim state. As they say, the victim will always find an executioner.
- Heightened sense of guilt. He tries on critical situations on himself, without sharing his guilt and the role of the prevailing circumstances. He accepts any showdown in relation to himself as the culprit of the situation, because this will be the “best” confirmation of his inferiority.
How does high self-esteem manifest itself?
- Arrogance. A person puts himself above others: “I am better than them.” Constant competition as a way to prove this, “flaunting” one’s merits.
- Closedness as one of the manifestations of arrogance and a reflection of the thought that others are lower than him in status, intelligence and other qualities.
- Confidence in your own rightness and constant proof of this is the “salt” of life. The last word must always remain with him. The desire to control the situation, to play a dominant role. Everything should be done as he sees fit, those around him should dance to his tune.
- Setting lofty goals. If they are not achieved, frustration sets in. A person suffers, falls into depression, apathy, and despises himself.
- Inability to admit your mistakes, apologize, ask for forgiveness, lose. Fear of evaluation. Painful reaction to criticism.
- Fear of making a mistake, appearing weak, defenseless, unsure of yourself.
- The inability to ask for help is a reflection of the fear of appearing defenseless. If he asks for help, it is more like a demand, an order.
- Focus only on yourself. Puts his own interests and hobbies first.
- The desire to teach the lives of others, to “poke” them into the mistakes they have made and show them how to do it by the example of oneself. Self-affirmation at the expense of others. Boastfulness. Excessive familiarity. Arrogance.
- Predominance of the pronoun “I” in speech. In conversations he says more than he does. Interrupts interlocutors.
For what reasons can failures in self-esteem occur?
Childhood trauma, the causes of which can be any event significant for the child, and there are a huge number of sources.Oedipus period. Age from 3 to 6-7 years. At an unconscious level, the child acts out a partnership with his parent of the opposite sex. And the way the parent behaves will affect the child’s self-esteem and how he or she will build a relationship scenario with the opposite sex in the future.
Teenage years. Age 13 to 17-18 years. A teenager searches for himself, trying on masks and roles, building his life path. He tries to find himself by asking the question: “Who am I?”
Certain attitudes towards children from significant adults(lack of affection, love, attention), as a result of which children may begin to feel unnecessary, unimportant, unloved, unrecognized, etc.
Some patterns of parental behavior, which subsequently passes on to children and becomes their behavior in life. For example, low self-esteem among the parents themselves, when these same projections are imposed on the child.
The only child in the family when all attention is focused on him, everything is only for him, when there is an inadequate assessment by parents of his abilities. This is where high self-esteem comes from, when a child cannot adequately assess his strengths and abilities. He begins to believe that the whole world is only for him, everyone owes him, there is an emphasis only on himself, the cultivation of egoism.
Low assessment by parents and relatives of the child, his abilities and actions. The child is not yet able to evaluate himself and forms an opinion about himself based on the assessment of people significant to him (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.). As a result, the child develops low self-esteem.
Constant criticism of the child leads to low self-esteem, low self-esteem and closedness. In the absence of approval of creative endeavors and admiration for them, the child feels unrecognized for his abilities. If this is followed by constant criticism and scolding, then he refuses to create, create, and therefore develop anything.
Excessive demands on the child can foster both high and low self-esteem. Often parents want to see their child the way they would like to see themselves. They impose their destiny on it, building on it projections of their goals that they could not achieve themselves. But beyond this, parents stop seeing the child as a person, beginning to see only their projections, roughly speaking, of themselves, their ideal selves. The child is sure: “For my parents to love me, I must be the way they want me to be.” He forgets about his present self and can either successfully or unsuccessfully meet parental requirements.
Comparison with other good children lowers self-esteem. Conversely, the desire to please parents inflates self-esteem in pursuit and competition with others. Then other children are not friends, but rivals, and I must be better than others.
Overprotection, excessive taking of responsibility for the child in making decisions for him, right down to who to be friends with, what to wear, when and what to do. As a result, the child ceases to develop the Self; he does not know what he wants, does not know who he is, does not understand his needs, abilities, desires. Thus, parents cultivate in him lack of independence and, as a result, low self-esteem (up to the loss of the meaning of life).
The desire to be like a parent, which can be either natural or forced, when the child is constantly told: “Your parents have achieved so much, you must be like them, you have no right to fall flat on your face.” There is a fear of slipping up, making a mistake, or not being perfect, as a result of which self-esteem may be low and initiative may be completely killed.
Above I have given some of the common reasons why problems with self-esteem arise. It is worth adding that the line between the two “poles” of self-esteem can be quite thin. For example, overestimating oneself may be a compensatory and protective function of underestimating one’s strengths and capabilities.
As you can already understand, most problems in adult life stem from childhood. The child’s behavior, his attitude towards himself and the attitude towards him from surrounding peers and adults build certain strategies in life. Childhood behavior carries over into adulthood with all its defense mechanisms.
Ultimately, entire life scenarios of adulthood are built. And this happens so organically and imperceptibly for ourselves that we do not always understand why certain situations happen to us, why people behave this way with us. We feel unnecessary, unimportant, unloved, we feel that we are not valued, we are offended and hurt by this, we suffer. This all manifests itself in relationships with loved ones, colleagues and superiors, the opposite sex, and society as a whole.
It is logical that both low and high self-esteem are not the norm. Such states cannot make you a truly happy person. Therefore, something needs to be done about the current situation. If you yourself feel that it’s time to change something, that you would like something in your life to become different, then the time has come.
How to deal with low self-esteem?
- Make a list of your qualities, strengths, virtues that you like about yourself or that your loved ones like. If you don't know, ask them about it. In this way, you will begin to see the positive aspects of yourself as a person, thereby starting to cultivate self-esteem.
- Make a list of the things that bring you pleasure. If possible, start performing them for yourself. By doing this, you will cultivate love and care for yourself.
- Make a list of your desires and goals and move in this direction. Playing sports gives you tone, lifts your spirits, and allows you to take quality care of your body, which you are so dissatisfied with. At the same time, there is a release of negative emotions that were accumulated and did not have the opportunity to come out. And, of course, you will have objectively less time and energy for self-flagellation.
- Keeping an achievement diary can also boost your self-esteem. If every time you write down your biggest and smallest victories in it.
- Make a list of qualities that you would like to develop in yourself. Develop them with the help of various techniques and meditations, of which there are now plenty both on the Internet and offline.
- Communicate more with those whom you admire, who understand you, and from communication with whom “wings grow.” At the same time, minimize contacts with those who criticize, humiliate, etc. to the maximum possible level.
Scheme of working with inflated self-esteem
- First you need to understand that each person is unique in his own way, everyone has the right to their own point of view.
- Learn not only to listen, but also to hear people. After all, something is also important to them, they have their own desires and dreams.
- When caring for others, do it based on their needs, and not on what you think is right. For example, you came to a cafe, your interlocutor wants coffee, but you think that tea would be healthier. Don't force your tastes and opinions on him.
- Allow yourself to make mistakes and mistakes. This provides real ground for self-improvement and valuable experience with which people become wiser and stronger.
- Stop arguing with others and proving that you are right. You may not know it yet, but in many situations, everyone can be right in their own way.
- Don't get depressed if you couldn't achieve the desired result. It’s better to analyze the situation to see why it happened, what you did wrong, what was the reason for the failure.
- Learn adequate self-criticism (of yourself, your actions, decisions).
- Stop competing with others on every issue. Sometimes it looks extremely stupid.
- Stick out your merits as little as possible, thereby underestimating others. The objective merits of a person do not need to be clearly demonstrated - they are seen through actions.
Be. Do. Have
What does it mean?“To have” is a goal, a desire, a dream. This is the result you want to see in your life.
“Doing” means strategies, tasks, behavior, actions. These are the actions that lead to the desired result.
“Be” is your sense of yourself. Who are you inside yourself, for real, and not for others? Who do you feel like?
In my practice, I like to work with the “being of a person,” with what happens inside him. Then “to do” and “to have” will come by themselves, organically forming into the picture that a person wants to see, into the life that satisfies him and allows him to feel happy. It is much more effective to work with the cause rather than the effect. Eliminating the root of the problem, what creates and attracts such problems, rather than alleviating the current condition, allows you to truly improve the situation.
In addition, the problem is not always and not everyone is aware of; it can sit deep in the unconscious. Working in this way is necessary in order to return a person to himself, to his unique values and resources, his strength, his own life path and understanding of this path. Without this, self-realization in society and in the family is impossible. For this reason, I believe that the optimal way for a person to interact with himself is “being” therapy, not “doing”. This is not only effective, but also the safest, shortest path.
You were given two options: “do” and “be”, and everyone has the right to choose which way to go. Find a way to yourself. Not what society dictates to you, but to yourself - unique, real, holistic. How you will do this, I don’t know. But I am sure that you will find a way that will be better in your case. I found this in personal therapy and successfully apply it in certain therapeutic techniques for rapid personality change and transformation. Thanks to this, I found myself, my path, my calling.
Good luck in your endeavors!
Sincerely, psychologist-consultant
Drazhevskaya Irina
He is high in his opinions, but low in his deeds.
Russian proverb
Inflated self-esteem as a personality quality is a tendency to have inflated ideas about the importance of one’s personal activities among other people, one’s own qualities and feelings, advantages and disadvantages.
Two friends are talking. One asks: “Listen, how are things going with your self-esteem?” He answered him: - Yes, not really... We are Gods, simple people...
Inflated self-esteem is when a person has too good an opinion of his or her capabilities. Being under the influence of the energy of passion, he overestimates his abilities, personal potential, and his merits. Daniil Kharms jokes: “Listen, friends! You really can’t bow down to me like that. I’m just like you all, only better.”
There are three types of self-esteem: overestimated, underestimated and adequate. Inflated self-esteem is when, in the opinion of authoritative, competent people, it is higher than adequate. For example, an ignorant, ignorant amateur with a learned air of an expert begins to build and teach everyone. This is tactlessness, bad manners and inflated self-esteem.
Inflated self-esteem is a measure of personality inadequacy. A person inadequately imagines his image and, accordingly, inadequately sees what this image can achieve. For example, a mumble imagines himself confident and decisive. People quickly scan for discrepancies between the real person and her self-image. Inadequate, inflated self-esteem prevents you from finding a common language with people. How will you find a common language if they talk to you like you’re a mumbler, and you imagine yourself as a decisive Marshal Zhukov? It is extremely difficult to achieve the goal with such a gap.
Inflated self-esteem is the sister of megalomania. Often she asserts herself at the expense of other people's mistakes, miscalculations and failures. An overpriced person considers himself better than others, thinks that everyone should listen to him and obey him.
— Don’t you think that you have inflated self-esteem? “You say that as if it’s my fault, that I’m better than you!”
Setting high demands on himself, he often sets himself ambitious, unattainable goals. When there is a failure in achieving goals, he may even get sick. An overestimater ascribes to himself non-existent virtues or overestimates their level of development. It always turns out either above the norm or above the actually existing level.
The overpriced person demonstrates a distorted development of self-awareness, manifested in a lack of severity with oneself, arrogance and conceit. Being a supporter of inflated self-esteem, he involuntarily cultivates selfishness, excessive self-confidence and unhealthy selfishness. Natalya Andreeva in “Ariadne’s Threads” writes: “Another oddity that strikes me in people. It seems that before looking in the mirror, they paste a picture from a glossy magazine onto it and look not at their reflection, but at a Photoshop masterpiece. A girl of quite ordinary appearance sees a fashion model every time and wonders: “Why am I not a star yet?”
It would seem that what’s wrong with a person thinking about himself better than he really is? As a rule, high self-esteem is usually a compensation for feelings of self-doubt. In other words, the platform for inflated self-esteem is usually low self-esteem, which a person tries to overcome by exaggerating his merits. Like any compensation, inadequate self-esteem provokes constant efforts to maintain the illusion of success in oneself and other people. By pumping up one’s self-esteem, a person temporarily gains competitive advantages, for example, during castings and hiring. Confidence, ambition, success win here.
But soon the fake is discovered. It turns out that they hired fake confidence and initiative. After a shameful expulsion from work, depression and despondency sets in. Self-esteem drops. The person feels like a failure.
There is also a phenomenon described by Irvin Yalom in the book “When Nietzsche Wept”: “I know many people who do not like themselves and try to improve the situation by achieving good attitude from others. Having achieved this, they begin to feel good about themselves. But this does not solve the problem, it is submission to the authority of another. You must accept yourself - and not look for ways to achieve my recognition."
Here, according to psychologists, are several signs that a person has high self-esteem:
Complete confidence in your infallibility and correctness in any situation.
Non-recognition of authorities - if someone’s opinion goes against the opinion of such a person, then this opinion is erroneous for him.
The desire to argue and prove to everyone that you are right.
Absolute confidence that the cause of his problems and failures is someone or something - certain circumstances, but in no way he himself. Such a person never looks for the cause of the problem in himself.
The desire to be better than others, the desire to gain recognition from others, to be in the lead.
“I-ness” - he constantly uses the pronoun “I” in his speech. (By the way, one of my friends with high self-esteem always wrote the pronoun “I” with a capital letter in his letters)
Refusal to help. Asking such a person for help indicates that he cannot cope with something himself, and this is humiliating for him.
Self-criticism is sharply reduced, and any criticism from another person is perceived aggressively.
Fear of making a mistake, the desire to always do everything better than others.
Painful feelings about failures, which are carefully hidden from others if possible.
The material world is filled with false self-esteem. We evaluate ourselves at the level of the physical body in the context of strength, beauty, health, youth. But try to evaluate yourself at the soul level, and the result will immediately be discouraging. Souls are all equal, only differently conditioned by some personality traits. For some, the energy of the soul is refracted by meanness, envy, and greed. For others - goodwill, compassion and caring.
Psychologist Vasily Tushkin writes: “And it may happen that people are so accustomed to their assessments, self-esteem at the level of the physical, subtle body, that when spiritual knowledge comes to them, it discourages them a little. Imagine that a person at the level of physical self-esteem is big, handsome, young, prominent, wonderful, and the subtle body is, in principle, normal - higher education, maybe several higher educations, and in general he is considered an intelligent person, and not stupid, and then suddenly he learns that he is a spiritual being, which is different from both the subtle body and the physical body. This means that immediately, instantly, all these advantages of his on the external, physical level, they cost almost nothing - that’s all. Because we say: “I am not the body. I am not a body, I am not... I have a personal soul.” And before God, all these advantages of mine on the physical and subtle level can simply be ridiculous, because they don’t seem to be worth much in spiritual life itself.”
Peter Kovalev
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