Why You Can't Lose Weight: The Secret Benefits of Being Overweight. How to identify the secondary benefits of excess weight

""ONE FRIEND OF MY - HE WAS WORTH TWO, HE EATED FOR TWO...""

Two friends meet:
- Oh, how cool you look!
How do you do it?
- This is all thanks to Herbalife.
- How do you take it?
- Am I completely crazy?
I don't accept it.
I'm selling it.

One of the most noticeable features inherent in people who have lost excess weight is that such a person changes part of his social circle. Close friends, of course, remain, but for some reason some acquaintances disappear somewhere, but others appear... In this chapter we will figure out why this happens. And we will answer the reader’s question: “How to maintain friendly relations and at the same time gain long-term harmony?”

Sly Fat, being a kind of familiar theatrical mask, encourages people to play the same stereotypical roles in a life scenario. Staying slim in this case ensures the ability to abandon your previous role and form more natural and sincere relationships with loved ones.

The real world is filled with difficulties. And there are two ways - to solve problems and get true joy, or to “hide” into a destructive addiction, enjoying an artificial high. Communication with others in our case is an important criterion for a quality lifestyle in a slim body.

In psychology there is a term: “secondary”, or little realized benefit of a certain form of behavior, one’s habitual role. With regard to overeating, finding such a benefit (most likely there are several of them) is in many ways a guarantee of “long-term” slimness. In relation to the topic of this chapter, the "secondary" benefit can be summed up briefly: being overweight helps socialize and improves communication between people. After reading the last sentence, Sly Fat should be indignant and say: “It’s all wrong, I’m nothing but trouble... But here they talk about some benefit.” His disagreement with his own benefit is nothing more than another cunning trick. Read carefully the most common forms of "secondary" weight gain that our patients report. Remember that the realization of most of these “advantages” does not come immediately...

Being overweight helps you forget about yourself and be useful to significant people

Being overweight helps you appear kind and good

Being overweight helps you be more assertive and more aggressive

Being overweight helps you play the “victim” role and gain sympathy.

Excess weight helps to attract the attention of others,

Excess weight helps to fulfill the need for love and care.

Being overweight makes it easier to get along with friends

Excess weight serves as an excuse for life's failures

Excess weight is a means of self-punishment

Excess weight contributes to a decrease in responsibility for oneself and one’s life.

Excess weight protects a person from unwanted thoughts, feelings and emotions.

This is not the most complete list of the benefits of excess weight when communicating with friends, girlfriends and just acquaintances. Let's look at these issues in more detail, because the relevance of the topic raised is emphasized by the fact that friendly ties are sometimes more significant than family ties. Just look at the catchphrase: “Not every brother is a friend, but every friend is a brother.”

Complete means kind. In Rus', it is customary for the sake of a friend to “take off your last shirt”, “extend a helping hand” and “lender a friendly shoulder”. Such is the Russian mentality. Sharing troubles, seeking sympathy from our neighbors - this is in the order of things with us. But in “things” there must be a measure. It’s not for nothing that Americans have a saying especially for such cases: “Don’t burden me with your problems, but rather write down the phone number of my psychotherapist!”

The East, famous for its flowery style and wisdom, in this situation supports the pragmatic West, although, to put it more figuratively: “Don’t put your monkeys on my shoulders!” The essence of such communication is very clearly illustrated by the following Eastern metaphor. When communicating, one friend complains to another about his hard life, about naughty children, about illness, about poverty, etc. These problems can be represented in the form of monkeys, which the complainer removes from his shoulders and places on the shoulders of his interlocutor. After getting rid of most of the “extra burden,” such a person straightens his shoulders and walks away with a feeling of relief. And the monkeys remain on a reliable friendly shoulder.

This is what we are talking about. Let us remind the reader that from the standpoint of physiology, excess weight is the accumulation of energy in the body, that is, a process when more energy comes from food than is consumed. This formulation is also accompanied by a psychodynamic point of view: in the process of communication, overweight people receive more “information load” from others than they give. In other words, while listening to other people’s complaints and taking an active part in other people’s problems, they keep silent about their own. This happens due to fear of vulnerability, fear of being misunderstood and “exposed to ridicule”). People often call such people “vests into which they cry.” And what can that same “vest” do, who, in addition to her own “monkeys on her shoulders,” has a herd of strangers? The easiest way is to start feeding them, increasing the calorie content of the daily diet. What’s most interesting: the “vests” not only increase weight, but tension occurs in the muscles of the shoulders and back (a familiar feeling, isn’t it, reader?), and subsequently osteochondrosis develops. Other people's problems weigh on your shoulders not only figuratively, but also in the literal sense of the word. Therefore, by getting rid of “foreign monkeys,” that is, from the burden of unnecessary problems, it will be much easier for you not only to stay slim, but also to protect yourself from back pain.

We have already said more than once that a person who wants to be useful to everyone (except himself) and takes on someone else’s responsibility risks becoming hooked on addiction. “The body is the home for our soul,” says Eastern wisdom. The reluctance to take care of their own home among obese people is combined with the annoying need to always be useful to everyone: they help friends with major apartment renovations, but there is not enough time to restore basic order in their own home. People say about such women: “I’m ready to give my last.” Ready, ready: But she puts herself in the place next to the last.

The above does not mean that you should not help people. You need to help, and this also brings pleasure. But not everyone and not always. With a deeper psychological analysis, it often turns out that the reason for the inability to differentiate their help in such people is the already familiar fear of loneliness, the fear that if refused, the person will be offended and will forever part with the plump lady.

A spacesuit for emotions. Excess weight often plays a protective role as a “buffer” in communication. Fat seems to absorb emotional intensity, allowing a person to have “the endurance of an astronaut” and remain calm in any situation. a storm of feelings and emotions, but outwardly he remains calm, restrained, and kind. It’s not for nothing that one of the synonyms for the word “get fat” is “get fat.”

The fact is that, in a state of strong emotional arousal, human reactions develop in one of two directions - “fight” or “flight”. This was proven by the founder of the doctrine of stress, Hans Selye. The “hit” reaction is aggressive, more characteristic of men. The “run” reaction (this is avoiding conflict, conciliation, reconciliation) is more typical for women. After all, the social role of a woman corresponds to patience, gentle and kind behavior. Such a lady often acts as a mediator in quarrels, without clearly taking sides, without adding fuel to the fire, but sympathizing with everyone and supporting everyone. These are very valuable friends, because you can complain to them about everyone and everything for a long time, they are very compliant, and are easy to persuade them to fulfill any request. Friends and acquaintances will consciously and unconsciously resist changes in the character of such a lady after weight loss. Wanting to continue exploiting her “philanthropy,” they can throw offensive phrases in her face, such as: “You have become kind of angry and bitchy, you don’t need to lose weight anymore!” Therefore, you have to live in a slim body despite the resistance of many friends who benefited from your previous role as a “full person” - unimaginably kind and reliable. Life has shown that ladies who successfully maintain their slim figure begin to use the word “no” more often when communicating with friends. It may seem strange to you, but in this case, by saying “no” to others more often, you at the same time say “yes” to your slim body. By saying the word “no” a little more often, a person increases confidence in his own opinion, and this is a good way to learn to control appetite, increasing self-esteem, contrasting it with feelings of inferiority and self-pity. For the sake of honesty, it should be admitted that you have already said this very “no” before. But they spoke silently with the help of the fat layer. All you need to do now is allow yourself to say “no” out loud.

The best defense is attack. Another, smaller proportion of our clients who have lost weight say that before losing weight their behavior was more aggressive and assertive . A harsh attitude towards others is a consequence of the inability to establish relationships with other people, the fear of experiencing disappointment after becoming attached to a person. Of course, this is also an option for psychological protection. And excess weight was a consequence of occupying extreme positions on the aggressiveness-passivity scale. Most women who have become slim note a transition in their condition to the “golden mean” and a departure from extremes - aggressiveness and passivity. In a word, they began to masterfully control that very emotional pendulum, which we have already talked about at length and in detail.

Food execution. From a psychodynamic point of view, excess weight serves as a signal of the need for love, care, recognition and support from friends. In this context, appearance is a clear evidence of the suffering that the owner of the extra pounds endures: “Look at what this life has brought me to: shortness of breath, heavy gait. My life is pure misfortune.” From the language of the subconscious, these words are translated as follows: “ Take care of me, I need your attention, since I can’t take care of myself." Feeling self-pity, a person experiences dissatisfaction with himself, guilt, and involuntarily seeks to punish himself. Let us recall that this is how a small child behaves, having learned from Mom's lessons on how to treat yourself badly, who nevertheless wants to be a good girl and obediently follows her mother in punishing herself. In this regard, there is a wonderful book by American authors: “Good girls go to heaven, and bad girls go wherever they want.”

Our scientific studies have convincingly proven that overweight people have an increased level of auto-aggression (that is, aggression directed at oneself). A so-called “dead loop” is formed: the desire to punish oneself - appetite - weight gain - the desire to punish oneself. A distinctive feature of such people is a high level of self-deprecation and periodically arising internal self-accusatory dialogue: “I have neither shame nor conscience, again I overate, I’m a fat fool, I made a promise to myself, but I broke it:” Liz Burbo in her book “Five Traumas” that prevent you from being yourself" calls this type of people masochists, and writes: "Since a masochist strives to prove his solidity, reliability and does not want to be controlled, he becomes very efficient and takes on a lot of work." It is clear that you can only cope with a heavy load if you have a large body, and the larger the “load on your shoulders,” the greater the body weight of such a person. An analogy with heavyweight weightlifters, whose large body mass allows them to lift more weight, is appropriate here.

“For me, overeating was the cause and consequence of self-punishment,” says Marina. “Having 23 extra pounds, I was often angry with myself not only for my weak willpower, but also for every little reason. Why didn’t I do what I wanted, why "I remained silent, why didn't I express my point of view - such thoughts were with me almost every day. Having become slim, I stopped reproaching myself often, began to honestly express my point of view, and, surprisingly, my relationships with loved ones became more open."

“Before I drew attention to myself and lost excess weight, I wanted to be needed by everyone,” recalls Natalya. “By sociability, I understood self-sacrifice for the sake of friends. Looking back, I can say that sometimes my actions, when I sacrificed myself, "The name of other people's interests turned out to be ostentatious and vain. Having become slim, I realized that true good for a neighbor is based not on sacrifice, but on the ability to be imbued with his desire."

“Before losing weight, I took a conciliatory position with or without a reason,” says Zhanna. “However, sometimes the anger accumulated inside got out of control, and I felt guilty. Only food gave me relief in this situation. Therefore, any emotional outburst was always accompanied by overeating Long-term slimness was ensured by the ability to “let off steam” in time.

We do not at all call for rushing to the other extreme and becoming capricious, heartless, callous, arrogant, etc. Don't get us wrong: it is the ability to express your point of view, your true feelings that will allow you to have more sincere, sincere relationships with loved ones. When you believe that there is not a cosmic vacuum around you, but a wonderful earthly atmosphere, the need for a protective spacesuit will disappear by itself. Trust in other people reveals one of the most wonderful aspects of trust in the world. Listen to yourself, whether in your life there is a habit of trusting your feelings and desires to other people, or as our contemporary wrote: “From morning to evening, I am not cunning, trusting, and from evening to morning I am distrustful, cunning.”

I remember the case of one of our patients. Thirty-two extra pounds were gained within a year and a half. According to her, excess weight brought only inconvenience and misfortune, and the realization of the benefits did not come immediately. During the process of psychotherapy, it turned out that weight gain began immediately after moving to a new, highly paid job. The work went on until late at night and we had to return home through dark courtyards. “And if you’re overweight, no one will pester you. I’m your best defense,” Sly Fat told her and settled in her body for a long time.

Excuse life's failures. “I can’t have good relationships with the opposite sex. It’s all my weight’s fault. And I can’t get a job because of my figure,” thinks one lady. She gets slimmer, but the problems remain. And she is again looking for the answer to the most important question: who will now be to blame for my failures in life? Naturally, without even thinking about one’s own responsibility! In a friendly company, such a person does not feel absolutely comfortable due to many limiting beliefs, most of which he himself came up with. People who successfully maintain slimness in this case allow themselves to be imperfect. They recognize their weaknesses and learn to overcome adversity on their own. Without blaming anyone, not even yourself.

Following accepted traditions. Finally, we can’t help but mention one more “pitfall” on the way to staying slim. In Russia, it is a very common tradition to spend time in friendly company over abundant feasts and libations. Sometimes it comes to a funny thing. In the small oil industry town of Strezhevoy, which is located in Western Siberia, we were faced with a curious situation: many patients who successfully maintained slimness after the New Year holidays suddenly gained several extra pounds. It turned out that in this town, where most of the residents know each other, the New Year holidays are celebrated in a very curious way: they “sit down at the table” on December 25th, and “get up” from it somewhere on January 15th. In general, the feast continues until everyone in the town congratulates each other, drinking and eating together.

Dependent states often play the role of a kind of “crutch” for communication, which can be especially clearly seen in the example of “drinking”: “like-minded people” establish relationships thanks to a common addiction, which further contributes to the “unity of friendship”, sometimes being almost the only core, on which the relationship is held. On this occasion, it would be a shame not to remember the joke: “Alcohol expands not only blood vessels, but also connections.” Meanwhile, the measure of true friendship is not joint “devotion” to a common vice, but joint deliverance from it. It is not without reason that people who decide to break out of the captivity of addiction look for psychological support in a new social circle (an example of this is the society of Alcoholics Anonymous, Eaters Anonymous, etc.).

As soon as one of the ladies in her usual environment begins to take care of her figure, she immediately becomes a target for envious glances and reproaches. “Apparently she doesn’t respect me. I’ve been cooking and cooking here for two days, but she doesn’t eat anything!” - the hospitable hostess will think, looking at her friend, who has been chasing a pea along the bottom of the plate all evening. And he will most likely say the following: “Somehow, my dear, you look bad. You’re haggard, there are circles under your eyes. Oh, losing weight won’t do you any good.” In a circle of friends, where the only connecting link is abundant food and everything that accompanies it, it is very difficult to maintain both harmony and good relationships. But there is a way out of this situation. You may need to take your relationships with friends to a whole new level. It’s sad, but if your friends needed your appetite and overeating, and don’t need good health and appearance, this is not exactly a friendly relationship. Perhaps they can be improved by introducing friends to your new lifestyle. If not, think about it: do you need such friends?

“One friend tells another that he is going to go bear hunting.

We will lure him out of his den and put him in the wrong place.
- What if it misfires?
“Then my partner won’t miss.”
- What if he gets scared and runs away?
“Then I’ll have time to climb the tree.”
- So the bear is also good at climbing trees.
- Listen, whose friend are you, mine or the bear’s?

According to the majority of women who lost weight, their slimness turned out to be a test of friendship. Therefore, if it is impossible to maintain sincere friendship between a slender lady and her friend, who remains the same, someone chooses the second, more difficult path - to change their social circle. A slim body is worth it...

The following exercise will allow you to look at your attitude towards excess weight from the outside. This means taking a step towards a slimmer body.

Carefully study the tricks of Tricky Fat and the prescriptions for a slim body given in the table. Think and supplement the table with your own prescriptions and subterfuges.

Excerpt from a book
specialists

I subscribe to all your points, my dear girls! You are just great! They supported the topic and took it seriously.
Here's my list! Small for now.
1.) Ease! In movements, in gait, bending, etc. To blow up somewhere, to run away quickly, i.e. easy to climb.
2.) Shoes, Easy to put on and zip up.
3.) Tights! I don’t wear them now (But I really want to see my slender legs in tights.)
4.) High heel shoes! Throughout my youth and youth I adored high heels. And now I dream of at least easily wearing 7-8 cm heels
5.) Dresses! Beautiful and wonderful dresses! Once I gained weight, I stopped wearing dresses. And now I only wear trousers, because I can’t put on tights. Now the thigh, now the knee, now the belly (((
6.) The feeling of your slim body and waist is wonderful!
7.) Waist! She is the same as before and maybe even slimmer. I want to put my hands on my waist again and again and understand how slim she is!
8.) Stomach! He is retracted and even the bones on his hips protrude slightly. The tummy is like a plate. Handsome, fit!
9.) Buttocks! Quite elastic. Not a voluminous and loose butt like before. But since when I lose weight, it generally tends to disappear, I need to work on the convexity and elasticity)
10.) Neck! I don't have a long neck, but it's quite beautiful in its own right. And when losing excess weight, it suits me quite well. Especially when you consider that with excess weight, it’s as if she doesn’t exist. I'm waiting for my neck!
11.) Hands! I want my old hands! Without cellulite and sagging skin. They will be flexible and beautiful!
12.) Legs! Not swollen, slender, with moderately pumped calves and thighs, slimmer feet, and not swollen knees. As I lose weight, my size decreases by at least three positions.
13.) Public transport! I again take up very little space on public transport with my slender body.
14.) In car! I finally don’t feel the pressure on my chest and stomach from the seat belt. I am comfortable.
15.) I'm not shy! Having a slim body, I am not ashamed of my body and enjoy going to the beach, sauna, swimming pool and sunbathing at the dacha.
16.) I drive my own car! I have had my license for many years. I've already changed them. But that’s how many years I’ve been too fat. I feel cramped and uncomfortable while driving. I can't afford a Jeep, but I feel cramped in a regular sedan. This is my goal and benefit!
17.) Needlework! I love sewing and knitting to make myself slim!
18.) Attention and admiration! I gladly accept attention and admiration for my slender and beautiful appearance. I'm proud of him. This is my achievement and asset!
19.) Health! His of course comes first! But Luda wrote a lot about him and I agree with all points. Yes! I feel healthier in a slim body. Many diseases have subsided. Such as asthma, diabetes, hypertension, I completely forgot about them! Everything else is much better too.

Getty Images style

Regulars of gyms, clients of fitness trainers, lovers of diets, we are losing weight all the time... And sometimes we don’t even realize that we are walking in circles, following a closed scenario: I want to lose weight - I find the means for this - I lose weight - I achieve or do not achieve what I want - I gain again weight - I’m disappointed, upset - I want to lose weight... It turns out that our unconscious goal is not to lose weight once and for all, but to continue to lose weight, stretching this process to infinity.

Chronically losing weight

Consciously, we set completely different goals for ourselves: to dress sexy, to please men (or our husbands), to establish close and deep relationships, to make a career. All this is hampered by our excess weight, which we strive to eliminate. The media supports us in this: successful heroines rarely appear before us as fat women. And so, sometimes at the cost of great effort and sacrifice, the weight is reduced! There are no more obstacles, the road is open. And suddenly the arrow on the scale again begins to treacherously deviate to the right. Goodbye outfits, relationships and promotions.

And often this is not the first time. What's wrong with us?

“Dreaming about something and being ready to fulfill your dream are not at all the same thing,” notes Gestalt therapist, specialist in psychocorrection of excess weight Maria Pakshina. - Many women are not internally prepared for the development of the situation. Perhaps they do not know how to build deep relationships, perhaps they are frightened by intimacy, the difficulties that have begun, or perhaps they have simply thought through only the first part of the plan, and somehow forgot about the second.” And our body rushes to the rescue, it tells us a way out of the situation - to hide, as in childhood, with our heads under a saving blanket. In adult life, the role of a blanket is played by a layer of fat in which you can hide, hide from prying eyes, and wait out troubles.

Protective layer

It is not for nothing that fat is called a “protective layer” - it protects us from what we are afraid of. From prying eyes, from sexual intimacy, from the dangerous outside world. “In mild cases, it can be an extra five kilos, which a woman always struggles with and which invariably comes back,” notes Maria Pakshina. “In more serious cases - heavy weight, solid armor protecting the vulnerable heart.” Those who are chronically obese often have experienced childhood trauma related to sexual abuse or abuse. To understand the underlying causes of excess weight, to stir up painful experiences - this may seem frightening to many. And it may seem that it is better to feel eternal dissatisfaction with your fat and yourself than to reconsider relationships with loved ones, admit to yourself forbidden feelings (for example, anger at your parents or shame), which you do not understand how to cope with. In most cases, this choice is made unconsciously.

Gaining weight can also be a simple excuse for yourself: after all, it’s easier to tell yourself that I’m not dating anyone, because no one likes me fat and like that, than to ask questions: why am I giving up relationships? What am I afraid of? What am I trying to protect myself from?

How to understand what excess weight protects us from?

To finally lose weight, it is useful to understand what its secret benefits are. To do this, answer yourself several questions - it is better to write down the answers and answer each question separately, in order, without getting ahead of yourself, warns Maria Pakshina.

Do this exercise - imagine that you have reached the weight you dream of. Imagine this as clearly as possible: you wake up in your bed tomorrow morning, step on the scale - yes, it happened. The problem of excess weight is gone once and for all. You have no fear that you will gain weight again, you are completely confident that your new physical form will now always be with you. What will change in your life?

1. What are you doing on this day? What is his routine? How is it different from your normal day?
2. How is your morning going? How is it different from a regular morning? What are you doing differently?
3. What new do you hear? (Maybe compliments about your new appearance?) What new do you see? (Perhaps you notice the interested glances of passing men?) How do you feel? How do you respond to these manifestations in each individual case? (What words do you say, what gestures do you make, how does your facial expression change, what feelings are behind it - joy, embarrassment, euphoria, fear of exposure, shame, satisfaction...)
4. What do you do next, what people do you meet? Will new people appear and what are they like? What do they expect from you? What are you ready to give them (from their expectations), how do you interact with them, what feelings does this evoke?
5. How will your new look and new sense of self affect your relationships with loved ones? How do they react? How does this make you feel?
6. What new challenges will you have to face? What new challenges have appeared in your life? Do you want to do them? What problems have arisen? Do you know how to solve them?

Prepare for change

Those who do this exercise usually see only the positive aspects of change at first. But as we continue to work with our imagination, we may find that we are worried about the possible disapproval of loved ones (you have become “too good” for your family); that we are afraid to attract attention at work, on the street; that we don’t know how to respond to compliments and in general they confuse us more than they please us; or we are not ready to solve those tasks that could be postponed until the weight problem is resolved (for example, finding a new job, love or recognition).

Together we will develop for you exactly your weight loss system, your program, which will be most effective and comfortable for you personally. Throughout the book you will encounter tasks and exercises for independent work. Let's agree not to miss a single task. It is thanks to them that your knowledge gained from this book will turn into an experience that is no longer possible to forget or lose.

Together we will achieve tangible results in losing weight, and it is precisely those transformations in your thinking that will occur in the process of completing tasks that, like some kind of lever, will switch you into the “slim thinking” mode, which will become the key, the basis for maintaining the results that you achieve when losing weight . In other words, it is these transformations and new experiences that will help you maintain the desired result and live with it easily, just like naturally slender people live who have never lost weight and whose lives you sometimes envy. Now you will have all the secrets of their naturally slender behavior in your head!

Well then. Let's get started quickly!

Health and beauty

Slim and fat life - each of them has its pros and cons. How so? What benefit can there be from a fat body, which is bulky, not so mobile and active, which hurts, does not obey, which is not so beautiful (according to the numerous opinions of owners of curvy bodies)?

But it’s true that life in a fat body is accompanied by many difficulties. For example, let's look at a diagnosis like obesity. According to the approved parameters, it is recommended for women to have a waist size of less than 88 cm, and for men - less than 102 cm. If the above-mentioned volume is exceeded, this is fraught with health problems.

Fat accumulated in the abdominal area is very dangerous due to the presence of a huge number of blood vessels through which cholesterol constantly travels. Excess blood volume forces the heart to work harder, increasing blood pressure, and cholesterol clots always run the risk of breaking off and starting their journey to the heart.

Yes Yes exactly! Why is belly fat ten times more dangerous than thigh fat? This is due to the fact that fat in the abdominal area is very mobile and easily enters the bloodstream. There, fat clogs the blood vessels - atherosclerotic plaques form. If a blood vessel in the brain becomes blocked, part of the brain will die. This is called a stroke. If a heart vessel becomes blocked, it is called a heart attack.

In addition, the diagnosis of obesity is often accompanied by pain in the joints, back, high blood pressure, and such an unpleasant sensation as shortness of breath. The proper functioning of the female reproductive system is also disrupted - difficulties arise in conceiving a child and the risks associated with full gestation are aggravated. In men, the level of testosterone in the blood also drops, which directly affects a man’s sex life. The chances of fertilization of the female body are reduced.

Appearance also suffers. Obesity is accompanied by baldness, irritability, lethargy, and all these symptoms get worse in direct proportion to how fat grows.

But it's all about health. What about beauty? “Auntie syndrome”, have you heard of this? I think you can guess. This is when high heels, erotic lingerie, stockings, dresses, short skirts, high boots, open sundresses and so on gradually disappear from your wardrobe. Instead, comfortable stretchy knitted clothes are worn, the hairstyle is changed (the hair is cut short and this is explained somehow absurdly - for symmetry with the body), the smile disappears from the face. The result of all this is that you look ten years older... That’s the problem with this extra weight.

Secondary benefits of being overweight

What advantages of a fat life can we even talk about?! But, nevertheless, even if you remove the notorious “I eat what I want, when I want, how much I want, where I want, how I want, but I want and don’t eat at all” and so on, there are still secondary benefits from excess weight. A person unconsciously strives to maintain excess weight because thanks to it he solves or satisfies part of his needs or desires.

For example, from the life of a client: it’s easier for me to be fat because it’s safe, I get home late from work, and maniacs are more likely to attack someone who’s slender and beautiful (this client was sexually abused as a child, being overweight is her defense). Or another case. The woman explains: “When I’m fat, my husband is less jealous of me, and the extra weight protects the peace of our family.” Or “the hated husband, with whom I cannot break up, pesters me less, I am less desirable to him,” or “I became a boss and began to grow, in the literal sense, I am fat and I am respectable!”

Most often, such secondary “benefits” are carefully hidden and disguised, and then in his seemingly sincere desire to lose weight, a person is faced with the fact that he unconsciously constantly disrupts and slows down the entire process of working on weight loss. He seems to want to lose weight and demonstrates this in every possible way, but at the same time he unconsciously resists and suffers greatly from this conflict within himself.

What about a healthy life? After all, it seems that she has only advantages, ranging from health, a light, beautiful gait, mood, and ending with beautiful dresses and other bonuses. However, choice is when you have to pay something for the benefits you get. Those who have a slim figure, for example, pay by being looked after.

So, the pros and cons of living a fat life really exist, and here’s a task for you.

Finding the benefits of a lean life

Take a sheet of paper, divide it into two columns and write down in detail on the left the pros and benefits of a fat life, and on the right - the disadvantages of a fat life. Yours. On another sheet of paper, also draw two columns: the disadvantages of a slim life and, naturally, the advantages that will appear in your life when you become slim...

pros: I will be able to wear short dresses, high boots, I will be confident, I will be able to walk down the street with my head held high, all men will admire me and compliment me, and women will envy me, and so on.

Minuses: the opportunity to blame your laziness on excess weight will disappear, you will have to become more active, men will start looking at me (yes! yes! This scares many), excess weight as a reason not to meet the opposite sex and not enter into relationships will disappear, and in the relationships themselves The opportunity to make excuses like “he doesn’t love me because I’m fat” will disappear and you will have to admit that the quality of a relationship directly depends on how invested you are in it.

It will also become impossible to say that your career failed because you are fat. You thought that only slender and beautiful people are easily promoted and lucky! Having become slim and not receiving a promotion due to a miraculous change, you will be forced to admit that you have not moved up the career ladder solely because of your laziness, reluctance to learn and grow in knowledge, and perhaps because of the inability to stand up for yourself, to offer your benefits profitably professional dignity to management, out of a sense of false modesty or self-doubt.

After you write down your examples, compare the two lists. Very interesting, everything has its pros and cons... What more?

If I choose the advantages of a slim life, I will have to give up the benefits of a fat life, and also bear responsibility for my choice, that is, correspond to this with certain behavior... Being married to Petya, conform to and maintain the status of Petya’s wife, if I chose to be a musician, work titanically, invest in your education and talent development.