Good afternoon, my name is Denis and I’m 27. And my situation is this. I met my wife more than 5 years ago, we have been married for 3 years and have a daughter. We met when the two of us worked at night, I am a former DJ, she is a former DJ. Now, after all this time, we have already changed both our work and our lifestyle. But lately I began to notice that she was lying to me. It happened like this. My wife went to pole dancing classes and met girls there who she later started going out with at night, cool clubs, parties, comes home completely intoxicated! Alas, due to the fact that in the past I was a DJ, there were many acquaintances everywhere who began to call me back and tell me about the adventures of my wife. Everything would be fine, I thought - let him walk, there’s nothing wrong with that. But she doesn’t tell where she’s walking, she doesn’t say who she’s walking with. And the last straw was that after leaving for another party, they called me at 3 o’clock in the morning and said that my wife was kissing someone at the bar. I couldn’t come to the club and make a dressing down there because I was with a child. As a result, she arrived at 6 in the morning, completely drunk, and I understand that there will be no conversation, I decided to have it later. No matter how hard I tried in every possible and impossible way to find out how she went for a walk, I received the answer, okay, we rested, drank a little and that’s it .And when I directly said that I knew about her kisses, I received an answer. Yes, it was. But this was a bet. To the question - why did you do this if you have me, throughout the evening I received as many as 4 answer options1) I was interested2) I was drunk3) It was revenge (that’s just what revenge is for, it I couldn’t explain it)4) I didn’t think about it. Having received such a blow in the back, I didn’t make any scandals or showdowns, just a quiet conversation, but alas, it wasn’t the end, that same evening when I returned from a walk with as a child, she got ready and left with the words: “I went to see a friend.” Having received the second blow in the back, I simply went into a stupor. At night, having put the child to bed, I wrote an SMS that I was waiting for her at home, received a wonderful answer in the form of... “Don’t wait for me, I’ll be late, don’t do anything stupid.” I didn’t do anything stupid , but when I woke up in the morning I saw her sleeping in another room... And again, to my deep regret, my friends called me who saw her in a company of young people in a nightclub. To all the questions about where you were and who you were with, I received the same ambiguous answers. I ask for help, I don’t know what to do in this situation. For my part, I want to save the family so that the child has both a mother and a father. But on the other hand, I see that they simply don’t hear me and lie right to my face, dodging in every possible way any answers. Sincerely
Or how to keep a woman?I'll start with a joke, and, as you know, there is some truth in every joke. But in this
In a joke, the truth contains most of it, in other words - everything - 100%
Therefore, I would advise men who have skimmed this joke only with their eyes to read it again, trying to understand the meaning of what is stated below.
Honey, I'm so tired - we've been walking for two hours already!
- Be patient, dear, we’ll stop soon.
- I can not! My backpack has rubbed my shoulders, my sneakers are too tight, the sun is burning!
- Well, what can I do, my love?
- Maybe you can get out of your backpack?
And so: How to keep a woman?
1. To keep a woman from cheating, it is necessary to maintain a sense of affection in her. For most women, affection means security, protection, comfort and support. Therefore, the husband must constantly prove to his wife that he supports and protects her, that he perceives her problems as his own, and also that he is proud of her.
2. Communication between husband and wife is incredibly important. Women need a husband, including in order to talk to him. Studies have shown that after marriage, husbands often stop talking to their wives, which causes many problems, in particular, women begin to look for another interlocutor.
3. Women need honesty and openness. A wife wants to completely trust her husband in everything that concerns his past, present and future. If a wife feels that her husband is deceiving her, this destroys her sense of security.
4. A real family is unthinkable without mutual financial obligations. Women need money to live comfortably. Women expect their husbands to understand this.
5. Fulfilling family obligations. The wife expects her husband to be a good father and to perform certain duties around the house. The vast majority of women instinctively want to create their own home and have children. Most women also expect their husbands to be leaders in the family and take on the main material and moral responsibilities.
If these 5 points are translated into real relationships, then you, men, are guaranteed 99% success in your family life. Why 99%? Yes, only because the above is not a panacea. The missing 1% is blocked by male pride or simply not wanting to understand who a woman is. Hence the question arises - WHY DO WOMEN CHEAT THEIR HUSBANDS. (no question mark).
Women are brought down by a strong emotional start. Perhaps most of those women who have affairs on the side are looking for something that their own husbands cannot give them: special attention, such as tenderness and communication. When women talk about their affairs, they almost never emphasize the sexual side, and in fact, outside sex can be even worse than in marriage. But the attention, romance, and sense of importance that they receive from love affairs makes them incredibly attractive. The way they look at things, themselves as individuals, what they say, everything matters and is valued by this new man.
Women often feel guilty. Several studies have been conducted that suggest that women are more likely to feel guilty about adultery than men.
The emotional state of women sometimes pushes them to do things contrary to their desires and needs. For many women, guilt often works as a prohibiting factor. In other words, the guilt of knowing that they are intensely sexually attracted to another man may be enough to prevent anything from happening. And if they have entered into a sexual relationship, they often justify themselves by telling themselves that it is love.
I think after all of the above, there is no need to explain long and tediously that a woman who decides to have an affair on the side is more likely a victim of circumstances than an attacker. Such a woman did not feel desired by her man. I didn’t feel enough attention from him. A rose, withering in the shade, always reaches out for warmth... and it doesn’t matter who warms it. Because the gardener forgot about it long ago.
Therefore, a man needs to determine his attitude towards what happened and try to correct the latter with the following:
Try to satisfy your partner first, and then you can take care of your own pleasure.
If your friend doesn’t want to have sex today, leave her alone, maybe she really has a headache or is just not in the mood - this can also happen! After all, this is not the last day you live, there is still tomorrow, the day after tomorrow... Talk to her about love, give her gifts. These are not necessarily some expensive gifts - flowers, not only for a birthday or March 8, a book... A trifle, as they say, but nice.
Let your wife feel that you are her greatest support, prove to her your complete and boundless love. Show that you love her for who she is. Never criticize her for any reason: Don't forget that women are quite critical of their appearance, so try not to criticize her figure or breast size. In general, it is better to remain silent than to give an unsuccessful compliment. Let your spouse not worry about her weaknesses and imperfections, because she knows: she will always find support from you.
And of course the most important thing: FREEDOM is a necessary precondition for love.
If we are under someone's control, love is not possible. Control promotes bondage rather than love. The ability of each spouse not to prevent the other from being a free, independent person is one of the signs of a strong relationship.
And a Woman will not look for adventures on the side, and will not do this out of revenge (there are such), if she receives love and care, respect and kindness from her Man. She will not look for adventures if she feels like a real WOMAN with him! If SHE feels like she belongs to the best of them all. There is no need for her to do this. All her needs are now satisfied. She feels protected, loved and desired. People around her like her. She belongs to the best man.
Well, a little humor:
My husband comes home from work, takes his cell phone and goes to the bathroom.
Calls home.
Wife: Hello
Husband: Baby, I love you!
The husband quickly gets out of the bath and asks:
- Who called?
And the wife answers:
- Yes, my friend!
It is reported from the words of Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with both of them) that the Messenger of Allah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Many people are deprived of two blessings: health and free time” (Al-Bukhari, no. 6412).
* * *
Man was created and placed in this world for testing, and nothing more. The Almighty says: “Who created death and life to test you and see whose deeds would be better. He is the Mighty, the Forgiving"(Sura 67, verse 2). All people are in a huge examination hall, represented by the Universe, and in it there are observers who notice and write down everything, big and small: “As soon as he utters a word, there is a ready observer with him.” (Sura 50, verse 18).
And their bodies testify against them, and the earth testifies against them, and people testify against each other, and Allah is a witness over everything.
As for the duration of the exam, it is the period from adulthood to death. And if a student taking a session knows how long is left until the end of the exam, then a person in this world cannot know how long he has left to live.
If a student were told that the duration of an exam is uncertain and his answer sheet could be taken away at any time, he would make every effort and not waste a single second in the exam and would answer as many questions as possible. So a Muslim must cherish every minute, even every moment, in order to successfully pass this exam.
As for the means used in the exam, for the student it is a pen, a sheet specially prepared for the exam, etc. A person’s means in this world are his body, time, property, knowledge, as well as all his strengths and abilities.
The exam includes only a few questions:
The commands of Allah and the duties assigned to you;
His prohibitions that you must not violate;
His mercies for which you should thank Him;
Difficulties that you must endure patiently.
This hadith is a reminder to us of Allah’s mercies, for which we must be grateful so as not to regret or repent later. A lot of nice things have been said.
Let's briefly list the most important things:
1. The mercies that Allah shows to man are very, very many, they cannot be counted. The Almighty says: “If you begin to count the mercies of Allah, you will not count them!” (Surah 16, verse 18). Such graces and benefits include faith, reason, hearing, sight, health, children, property. Moreover, in every cell of our body there are graces and blessings that are countless.
They say that one poor man complained to the scientist about his poverty, and that Allah had not endowed him with any of His mercies. And he asked him: “Will you sell your eyesight for a hundred thousand?” He replied: “No.” The scientist asked: “Will you sell your hearing for a hundred thousand? Did you sell your hands for a hundred thousand? Will you sell your legs for a hundred thousand? Will you sell your mind for a hundred thousand? He replied: “No.” Then the scientist said to him: “Are you complaining about poverty, owning hundreds of thousands?!” And this man realized that non-material benefits mean more than money, and that Allah’s mercies are innumerable.
2. Without exception, all favors are a test, even those that look like reward and honor - they are actually just another test. Says the Almighty: “When the Lord tests a person, showing him mercy and bestowing blessings on him, he says: “My Lord has honored me!” When He tests him, limiting him in food, he says: “My Lord has humiliated me!” Not at all!”(Sura 89, verses 15-17).
And the Almighty said: “If people could not become one community of disbelievers, then We would have made in the houses of those who do not believe in the Merciful, silver roofs and ladders on which they would climb, as well as silver doors and beds in their houses on which they would lie, leaning, and also ornaments. All these are just the transitory benefits of worldly life, and the Last Life of your Lord is prepared for the pious.”(Sura 43, verses 33-35).
If benefits were given as honor, the messengers would be the richest people, and the infidels would have nothing. Let's explain for example: the teacher distributed books to all the students - some large, others medium, and others small. Those who received the big book were happy, and those who received the small book were offended and upset. Having finished distributing books, the teacher said: “The exam for everyone will be based on the book that I gave him.” Then those who received small books rejoiced, and the rest wished that their books would be small... So are the blessings of this world.
A benefit is not honor, but a test: therefore it cannot in any way serve as an indicator of a person's position with His Lord. This indicator is faith and good deeds: “The most revered among you before Allah is the most God-fearing.” (Surah 49, verse 13).
3. To pass the exam successfully, a believer must thank Allah for all these mercies. There are several types of gratitude:
Gratitude from the heart:
It is carried out through firm confidence and awareness in the heart that all benefits come from Allah alone, Who has no partners. The Almighty said: “All the blessings you have are from Allah” (Surah 16, verse 53). That is, from Allah alone. And the hadith reported by Ibn Abbas says: “...know that if the whole human race gathers to do something useful to you, they will do for you only what has already been prescribed for you by Allah.” (At-Tirmidhi, no. 2635, a good authentic hadith). And people are nothing other than instruments of Allah’s predestination. They cannot even benefit themselves, let alone others.
Gratitude in language:
This is often saying the words “Praise be to Allah” (“Al-hamdu lillah”) and telling people about the mercies of Allah. However, one should beware of showing off - a person’s goal should be to encourage people to follow his example in good deeds. Gratitude by language includes all good words - remembering Allah, reading the Koran, calling on the good and refraining from the blame, teaching others good, etc.
Gratitude through action:
This type of gratitude varies depending on the type of benefit given to a person. Whoever is guided by Allah to the true path must make every possible effort to encourage others to follow this path. He who is gifted with a keen mind and insight must acquire knowledge and teach others and use his mind to solve all kinds of problems of Muslims. And whoever Allah has given a strong body must help others and take part in the struggle on the path of Allah Almighty. And whoever Allah has given property, he must spend it in the path of Allah, secretly and openly. Gratitude through action is to use the blessings given in what is obedience to Allah, and not in committing sins.
All three types of gratitude lead to an increase in graces and blessings in this world. The Almighty said: “If you are grateful, I will give you even more. And if you are ungrateful, then the torment from Me will be severe.”(Surah 14, verse 7).
Gratitude is also one of the paths to salvation in this world. Allah helped Lut and those who were with him and saved them from terrible punishment. And this was their reward for thanking Allah and being obedient to him. The Almighty said: “We sent a hurricane with stones on them, and We saved only Lyut’s family before dawn, by mercy from Us. Thus We reward those who are grateful."(Sura 54, verses 34-35).
It's in this world. And in the Eternal World a great reward also awaits them: "We will reward the grateful" (Sura 3, verse 145).
In the hadith before us, the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) reminds us of two most important benefits - health and free time. It is unlikely that anyone will doubt that health is the greatest mercy of Allah, but how can free time be a mercy?
Here, “free time” does not have the meaning that immediately comes to mind for most people. This is not at all that “extra” time that they are annoyed with and which they try to “kill,” as they say. Here we mean time as a life span. After all, time is life, and life is one of the mercies of Allah Almighty, and this is what is discussed in the hadith: “The feet of the servant (of Allah) will not move from their place on the Day of Judgment until he is asked about his life, how he spent it, and about his knowledge, where he used it, and about his property - where he acquired it from and what he spent it on, and about his body - what did he use it for" (At-Tirmidhi, no. 2532, good authentic hadith).
In the first hadith, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) called time leisure, and in the second - life. So, the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) reminds us of such blessings as health and free time. These mercies of Allah are of great importance, and a person can use them in obedience to Allah and successfully pass the exam, which, in essence, is the arrival of this mercy to him.
However, many people are deceived by these mercies and do not see their true essence, because they think that the blessings in this world are bestowed as honor, although in reality they are a test and an exam. And when a person does not understand that mercy from Allah came to him as a test, he does not thank for it, and on the Day of Judgment he finds himself at a loss and grieves when it is no longer time to grieve, and repents when it is too late to repent. This is how most people are deceived and end up at a loss, although many of them never discover or feel it in this world.
Another important conclusion can be drawn from the hadith: most people are deceived and do not notice the truth, and a believer should not look at the majority and adapt to them. And he should not at all change his beliefs and behavior just because they do not coincide with the beliefs and behavior of the majority. The majority are not always on the right path, and the only criterion is Islam. The Almighty said:
“Say: “The bad and the good are not equal, even if the abundance of the bad surprises you (or pleases you.” (Sura 5, verse 100).
And He says:
“Most people will not believe, even if you passionately desire it.” (Surah 13, verse 103).
And the Almighty says:
“If you obey the majority of those on earth, they will lead you astray from the path of Allah.” (Surah 6, verse 116).
So be always with Allah, regardless of whether there are many champions of truth or little, and do not be an opportunist. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Don’t be opportunists who say, “If people do good, we will also do good, and if they do unjust, we will also act unjust.” Instead, train yourself to do good to people if they have done good to you, and do not respond to injustice with injustice.” (At-Tirmidhi, No. 2075, a good rare (gharib) hadith). ( TO BE CONTINUED)
1st hadith out of 21. Book by Dr. Sharaf Al-Quda "SOFTENING OF HEARTS".
Translation from Arabic NAC "BADR CENTER"
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