In her book “Secrets of Family Happiness,” Barbara de Angelis suggests learning about four symptoms of a crisis in love. I hope this knowledge will help you understand the reasons that lead to the fading of love.
“Love doesn’t fall apart overnight. There are symptoms, warning signs, indicating that emotional stress has reached a critical point. I divide these symptoms into four stages, covering the entire critical period. People fall under the influence of these symptoms all the time. If you don't learn to manage them, the symptoms will turn into four stages of fading love. These four symptoms are: resistance, resentment, disconnection, suppression.
Resistance
It is completely normal when, when communicating with another person, even a very close one, you show resistance to him. This happens when you don’t like something in his words or behavior. You feel dissatisfied, irritated, and to a certain extent withdraw emotionally.
Example 1: You are lying in bed with your partner, about to fall asleep. He suddenly becomes active, clearly wanting to make love. You experience internal resistance, you think: “I wish he would show more tenderness and patience. He's in too much of a hurry."
Example 2: Your wife is talking to her best friend and keeps making jokes about what a bad father you are. Inner resistance is brewing in you, you begin to feel irritated.
Most people ignore the resistance phase, pretending that everything is fine. At the same time, people think something like this: “You shouldn’t get upset over nonsense. Don't be picky, everyone has their shortcomings. It’s better to forget about it, why rock the boat?” This is your first mistake. You cannot ignore the feeling of resistance brewing in you, otherwise you will soon find yourself in the second stage. If you suppress the feeling of resistance, do not share it with your partner, the tension accumulates and turns into the second symptom - chronic resentment.
Resentment
I mean chronic resentment, which accumulates in a person’s soul if he constantly suppresses the feeling of protest and resistance. You are no longer just annoyed by your partner’s behavior, it seems unbearable to you! If resistance only causes irritation, then resentment causes anger. You constantly experience anger, hostility, disappointment, love feelings are out of the question. This is when you begin to build an emotional wall between yourself and your partner.
Example 1: Your partner is constantly impatient during sex, but you don't tell him about your dissatisfaction. In the end, you simply cannot stand his habits - they become hateful to you. You think, “Why is he treating me so rudely? How insensitive he is!”
Example 2. Your wife constantly nags you for allegedly not paying enough attention to your children. You don't like her criticism, but you prefer to remain silent. In the end, a serious resentment arises in you: “Why does she keep nagging me all the time? After all, I work hard from morning to evening, and all she has to worry about is taking care of the children.”
If you don't tell your partner about your resentment, the resentment builds up and leads you to the third stage - the stage of disconnection.
Shutdown
Disconnection means emotional and, usually, physical distance from your partner. A love crisis reaches this stage when feelings of protest and resentment completely destroy emotional intimacy with your partner, so you prefer to separate from him. Disabling occurs in two ways:
Active rejection: You reject your partner openly. You threaten to leave.
You refuse to fulfill his wishes.
You complain about him to all your mutual friends.
You scold him with the last words.
Refuse to have sexual contact with him.
You try to spend as much time as possible without him.
During quarrels, leave the room, slamming the door behind you.
Passive disconnection: Your partner may not be aware of your attitude, which is manifested in a hidden form.
You fantasize about other sexual partners.
You are having an affair.
You don't react when you have sex with your partner.
You lose sexual interest in him.
You throw yourself into work so you can spend less time at home.
You don't listen when your partner talks to you.
You don't agree with him, no matter what the conversation is about.
Secretly, you dream of “freedom” - to break up with your partner and start your life anew.
Sexual disconnection:
At the third stage of a love crisis, sexual life is disrupted, or even disappears altogether. You cannot be sexually interested in a person who only irritates you; you prefer to disconnect. Your sexual desire weakens or even disappears altogether. It may very well be that you are telling yourself: sex doesn’t interest me at all. The very thought of intimacy with a partner can make you feel disgusted. If the marital relationship continues, your life is constantly filled with either negative emotions or mortal boredom. It depends on what type of shutdown you have chosen: active or passive.
Most married couples break up at this stage. Breakups are usually painful because there is a lot of anger and bitterness in the relationship. If you do not tell your partner that you have “disconnected” from him, the emotional tension continues to increase and takes you to the fourth stage - the stage of suppression.
Suppression
Suppression is a state of emotional deafness. When you are tired of resistance, resentment, disconnection, you begin to suppress your negative emotions in order to feel better. This process can occur both consciously and subconsciously. When you fall into a state of suppressed feelings, you say to yourself:
“There’s no need to fight about this anymore.”
“None of this matters.”
“We have to get along somehow - at least for the sake of the children.”
“I’m too tired to argue with him.”
“Everyone has their own problems, it’s better not to pay attention to them.”
“We have to maintain decency - after all, we have children (the neighbors are looking at us, I have to think about my work, the church does not approve of divorce, etc.). Let's behave in a civilized manner."
If you find yourself in stage four, emotional deafness will be your companion for the rest of your life. You lose passion, as if you stop living. Your mood becomes flat, dull, and boring. You feel tired all the time and lack energy. It is quite possible that you will be able to suppress the pain, but at the same time the joy and intensity of sensations will leave your life.
Suppression is the most dangerous of the four symptoms because a person can easily fall into self-deception: he begins to believe that his family relationships are completely normal, although in fact the person is in mortal danger. I often had to work with couples who were at the stage of suppressing feelings. They all believed that they had no problems. Of course, they did without sex, without passion, without joy. Usually such people say that they have “figured out their problems.” This means that they have learned to suppress their feelings and can now, at the very least, coexist. From the outside it may seem that such a married couple is quite happy with their life. The spouses never quarrel, never argue, and are always polite to each other. At first glance, such relationships may even cause envy. And then you suddenly find out that this “ideal” married couple got divorced. “I don’t understand anything,” you say. “They were so happy!” They weren't happy, they seemed happy. These people suppressed their unpleasant emotions and ended up killing their own love.
Living at this stage is not normal from a purely physiological point of view. When a person suppresses hopes, dreams, desires, tension accumulates in him, affecting his overall health. I believe that one of the main problems of our society is that there are a lot of people living around us who suppress their feelings. When conventional means are not enough, these people resort to alcohol, drugs, tranquilizers, overeating, fanatical hard work and other inappropriate types of behavior...
People need to be taught to get rid of emotional stress, taught to analyze their feelings and be able to express them.”
Relationships have been proven to have a positive impact on a person's health and well-being. Studies have shown that people in relationships live longer than those who are single, and that single people also have higher levels of anxiety, depression and stress. It is important to know that having a partner may even reduce the sensation of pain. However, sometimes feelings begin to fade, and then the connection brings nothing but pain. Deciding to break up is always difficult. It's important to be able to recognize clear signs that it's time for you to break up.
you are unhappy
Ideally, your man should bring you joy. A happy couple laughs together, supports each other, there is a very strong connection and intimacy between the partners, which makes life brighter. If the relationship no longer brings you satisfaction and joy, this is a serious sign that it is time to leave. If you are unhappy, do not see any prospects and constantly feel despair, you should understand that your chosen one is not ideal for you. Does spending time with him make you feel desperate? Are you looking forward to being alone with yourself? Deep down, don't you want to be together? Ask yourself these questions and you may be able to realize that this person is simply not right for you. Once you accept this fact, it will be easier for you to move on and build a future on your own. 
You are constantly quarreling
Conflict is important for strong and healthy relationships. You won't always agree with your partner on everything, disagreements and disagreements are a great way to build a strong bond. Conflicts even have a positive impact on relationships, and they also help you get to know your partner better and understand his priorities. 
Through conflicts, you improve your communication skills and learn to recognize your partner's behavior. However, too much conflict can destroy relationships. If you constantly quarrel and cannot find a common language, you are probably suffering. In addition, during quarrels, the body experiences unnecessary stress. As a result, various diseases may develop, blood pressure and weight may increase. If you're always angry, it's time to consider breaking up. 
You don't trust your man
Trust is the foundation of a happy and healthy relationship. Being able to trust your man is a key aspect of a successful relationship. You both need to be open to each other. If your partner undermines your trust, you will find it difficult to maintain a connection. 
You will not be able to believe in his glory, and it will be difficult for you. For example, if a man is not faithful, it will be difficult for you to trust him in other situations in the future. If he lied once, how do you know that he won’t lie again? These thoughts and fears undermine your peace of mind. Everyone has flaws, however, a lack of trust is a clear sign that you need someone else. 
You can't be yourself
Relationships require compromise and cooperation, and it is natural to learn to adapt and adapt. Sometimes compromises can be quite serious, however, it is very important not to lose yourself in the process of developing your relationship. Different aspects of your personalities, interests and hobbies make the connection stronger and more meaningful. Differing beliefs and opinions help relationships be richer. 
If you have to pretend to attract a partner, your relationship will be built on deception. If you don't connect with friends and family, and neglect things that were once important to you, you are harming yourself and your relationships by turning into a person you are not. If you need to play a role for a man, it's time to break up. 
Do you miss your ex-partner?
If you constantly dream about getting back together with your ex, this is a bad sign. You may not even realize how much you miss your ex until you examine your actions and thoughts. For example, are you looking at your ex's social media? Do you think about him, try to contact him, do you keep his gifts? If you're still thinking about the relationship that ended, the new relationship probably won't last. Don't use your new relationship as a way to distract yourself from intense feelings. Break up with your new boyfriend and focus on yourself. Take action, fill your life with meaning, it will better prepare you for a successful relationship. 
There is violence in your relationship
Violence can be both physical and psychological. If your man hurts you in one way or another, you need to end such a relationship as soon as possible. The sad truth is that one in three women have experienced violence. It is not always easy to recognize the signs of a troubling situation, especially if the abuse is emotional. For example, is your partner controlling you? Does he threaten you, humiliate you, hurt you? Such men often intimidate their partners emotionally and physically in order to maintain their power over them. If you are experiencing this, it is time to take back control of your life and leave this relationship behind. Even if the idea seems scary, remember that you are not alone. There are a huge number of support groups, special centers and charities ready to save you. And even if your partner apologizes, the violence will happen again. Most often this is exactly what happens. There are no excuses for this behavior. 
You have different plans for the future
Happy relationships are based on similar plans for future life. For example, if you want children and your man is against it, your relationship will suffer seriously. Communication involves compromise, but plans for life should still be similar. If you constantly give up your desires in order to agree with your partner, you need to break up. There is a list of things that should not be discussed. Remember, if you don't see eye to eye, it's better to end the relationship right away. 
You're not moving on
If you feel like your relationship is stopping you from moving forward, you need to leave. Women stay in bad relationships for a variety of reasons, from fear of loneliness to financial problems. Don't fall victim to this mistake. Even if the breakup seems scary and difficult, if you do not feel any development in your union, try to start from scratch. 
You are not appreciated
If you feel that your partner does not value you and does not see your good qualities, your relationship will not bring you happiness. For a relationship to last for a long time, both partners must be interested in it. If the relationship seems one-sided to you, your opinion matters nothing and your interests are not taken into account, you should think about finding another partner. 
You don't have an intimate life
Intimate life can manifest itself in different ways. You must be close physically, emotionally and psychologically for the connection to be strong and happy. If something is missing, you should separate. For example, when you and your partner are able to connect with each other on a physical level, you become closer psychologically. Do something new together, develop, look for common interests. If the partner does not want this, the connection should be broken. She has no prospects. 
Your intuition is telling you about a breakup.
If you subconsciously understand that you should break up, most likely you need to listen to yourself and do so. Intuition is an important ability of the body to give hints and necessary information. If you cannot explain the reason, but the feelings of anxiety and dissatisfaction remain the same, you should end the relationship that does not bring satisfaction.
Evgeniy Sayapin, a practical psychologist at the Centrosoyuz hospital (Moscow), talks about how sexual desire is connected to our emotional life.
Emotional and physiological failure
Sexual desire disappears not only due to physiological disorders, in particular. This may be due to an emotional breakdown in the couple's relationship. Of course, the combination of mutual feelings and pleasant sexual relationships between a man and a woman is the golden mean that harmonizes family life. This postulate fits well on paper, but in real life exactly the opposite happens. It happens that in sex people are ideally compatible and completely satisfy each other, but at the same time they constantly conflict, have difficulty finding a common language and live like a cat and a dog. And it happens that in personal relationships everything is super: complete mutual understanding, enduring interest in each other, even a feeling of love that can be preserved, but in sex - almost nothing. Sexual desire disappears due to many factors:
Lack of love and mutual feelings
- loss of vitality and sexual energy
- partner’s rejection (body odor, appearance, bad habits, etc.)
- loss of respect for a partner
- negative emotions associated with a partner
This is interesting! Many men sometimes begin to treat their spouse as an ideological inspirer, a mentor, endow her with the functions of a mother, and themselves take the position of a child. And this leads to the inability to evaluate your wife as a sexual partner.
How to get your sex drive back
How can you make a person love, for example, meat if he is a vegetarian? Passion and sexual desire are either there or not. It’s the same with love: it arises inexplicably and disappears for a whole range of reasons, which are completely impossible to trace. But even if we list all the factors that negatively affected our relationship and led to the fading of feelings, it is unlikely that we will be able to revive them. Rationalizing a problem doesn't always help, especially when emotions are involved. Often, an attempt to regain mutual sexual attraction turns into violence against oneself and another person. Living in the past is not always productive. Of course, if people are not sadists and do not enjoy tormenting others.
Chemistry of love
Transition period: recession or recovery?
Problems in sexual relationships can arise at any age, during any transition period, especially if it is associated with a reshuffling of life priorities, with an ideological shift. The transition period is always associated with the search for one’s place in life and in society, with the choice (or change) of a specialty, with the need to feel like a sought-after specialist and acquire a certain social status. This is the time to establish relationships with society, with a specific team.
All these periods are associated with breaking the life pattern, and therefore with nervous stress, which can lead to an energy decline. In this regard, the energy of sexual desire may also decrease. But this is often compensated by the fact that during periods of “perestroika” creative and intellectual energy increases.
Is it easier for women than for men?
Crisis periods for women and men are fundamentally different. Accordingly, ways out of a crisis in sexual relationships are different. A man in the period of “middle of life” feels like an expert, a “professor” of sex, especially in dealing with a young woman, completely forgetting that at a young age there is a completely different level of sexual energy, and therefore the level of demand can be an order of magnitude higher.
There is a widespread belief that the sex life of women, unlike men, does not depend on age-related physiological changes, on the aging of the body, and is not limited by age. And it’s quite difficult to disagree with this statement. As women age, they may also experience problems with sexuality, with the ability to evoke and experience sexual desire. But it must be said that women come out of such a crisis much faster and easier than men.
Not “why”, but “for what”
To understand why sexual desire has disappeared, we must try to answer the question “why”: what do we want to get from our sexual life, what degree of significance do we assign to it, what functionality do we endow with. If a couple has managed to build an open, trusting and honest relationship, if the spouses have learned to find compromises and conduct a reasonable dialogue, if they are able to neutralize mutual claims and solve any problem through joint efforts, then they will also solve sexual problems. Together.
If sexual desire has disappeared, then, of course, first you need to turn to specialists and get checked for sexual dysfunctions, while not forgetting to simultaneously visit a psychologist (not) in order to get out of yourself your inner fears, experiences and causes of insecurity. And the most important thing is to realize your life purpose and the purpose of your life.
1. Advice on how to refresh your feelings is sex.
When we are young, our sex with our partner is more unique, but when we are older, we become lazy. As we grow older, we can no longer stay up all night like when we were young and wake up in the morning looking fresher than a rose. We begin to hear from our beloved man about the appearance of extra pounds and because of this, we develop certain complexes. Taking care of the family, we quickly get tired and dream not about sex, but about an extra hour of long-awaited sleep. You should know that sexual satisfaction depends on the satisfaction in your marriage. If you are happy with your intimate relationships, then everything will be fine in other areas.
If everything is fine in your everyday relationships, then you will not have problems in sex.
2. Advice on how to refresh your feelings, pamper each other.
We women often make the same mistake. We put everything on our husband’s shoulders, constantly express our dissatisfaction and complaints and completely forget about tenderness. Remember when you and your husband walked under the moon or served a cup of coffee in bed? Those spouses who do not forget to show tenderness and care to each other never grow cold towards their partner in bed.
You must remember that the more you show affection to each other, the much stronger your sexual bond will be.
3. A tip to refresh your senses is to not have sex if you're tired.
It often happens in relationships when one of the partners is tired and does not want to have sex. In such cases, there is no need to force yourself and have sex just because you are afraid of offending your loved one. Try to find compromises in such cases and arrange a weekend in advance when you can be with each other and enjoy sex to the fullest. You must remember that the main thing is not the quantity of sex, but its quality.
4. Advice on how to refresh your feelings is to leave all problems at the door.
Under no circumstances should you bring problems at work into your home. Also, don't take work home. Put off telephone conversations with your girlfriend, which drag on for more than one hour. If you still have unresolved matters at work, and you decide to take the documents home, then do not plan any intimate relationships on this day. Because thinking that you haven’t done something yet will not allow you to relax normally.
5. A tip to refresh your feelings is to remember to tell your husband about your intentions.
You should not tell your husband that you have decided to have sex this evening. Try to prepare him for this and hint to him in every possible way that you want to surprise him today. In this way, you can convey your good mood to your husband, which he, of course, will immediately feel.
6. Advice on how to refresh your feelings is to always try to be different.
Very often when having sex, we use those caresses that we think one hundred percent bring results. But have you ever thought that if you feed a person the same food for a long time, over time it begins to bore us. So in sex, try to always be different, try to diversify your sexual relationships. Your menu should always be varied.
7. A tip on how to refresh your feelings is not to turn your husband into a girlfriend.
You must remember that a man should not be your girlfriend, since he is first and foremost a man who needs to be seduced and constantly conquered. You don’t need to tell your man what kind of cream you bought, or how many extra pounds you’ve gained. Don’t expect your husband to start telling you that you are beautiful; usually men are silent in such cases. They begin to believe your words and them, it becomes unpleasant to go to bed with you. Remember, when you just met, you didn’t tell your husband about all your problems. So you shouldn't do this now.
8. A tip to refresh your feelings is to add a little humor to your relationship.
To get your old passion back, you need to laugh. Try meeting your husband naked in just an apron. Can you imagine how surprised he will be and how he will laugh, because he never expected this. If your husband's humor is okay, don't be afraid to try something new. And believe me, you will be guaranteed a stormy night.
9. Advice on how to refresh your feelings, these are your common memories with him.
If you feel that there is some cooling between you, just take out your old photos. Start remembering with your husband all the good things that happened between you. You will definitely remember all the moments of your acquaintance, smile and laugh. And at this moment you will be able to understand that you love each other just as much as when you first met. And then you will be carried away into the first nights of your love and into your first passion. And thanks to such memories, you will begin to love your husband again.
10. A tip on how to refresh your feelings is flirting.
All of us women know how to flirt with men we don’t know. But it's much harder to flirt with your own husband. Because of everyday problems, we completely forget that we are women. Try to be sexy, because you know how to do it. If you are planning to go on a visit, whisper in his ear about what your night will be like tonight. While sitting at the table, slide your foot between his legs. Laugh at his jokes, kiss him sexually on the ear without others noticing, give him compliments. You must know that your passion and your feelings have not disappeared. You just forgot for a while that he is still the same man, and you are a woman.
Thanks to our 10 tips, you will refresh your senses and diversify your sex life. Good luck and don't be afraid to experiment!
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