Why is it important to understand the benefits of being overweight? Because its minuses are recognized, but the pluses are hidden in the unconscious, their denial is an unconscious resistance to harmony.
Abraham Maslow described a psychological phenomenon, which, by analogy with the Freudian Oedipal complex, he called the Jonah complex - this is an unconscious anxiety before self-improvement and the development of one's abilities, which causes a decrease in the level of claims, hindering personal growth. In simple terms, it is the fear of being good. lucky, successful. Unfortunately, this is not an innate property of a person, but a learned one: that is, a stereotype of behavior that develops from childhood, when others (and then themselves) place increased demands on the child: either do it perfectly, or not do it at all. And if the child is afraid of not doing it "perfectly well", then he prefers not to do it at all.
The secondary benefit of the disease, which is precisely what the pluses of excess weight are, helps to maintain this pattern - a person leads the exact opposite lifestyle of what he wants, justifying it with excess weight.
let's consider skiing example:
I want to go skiing with my friends - go on vacation with them and glide down the slopes easily and gracefully. Now I can't afford it because I have a lot of extra pounds, I'm heavy and inelegant. - this is a conscious belief, minus excess weight.
But my friends have been doing this sport for a long time, and I will be a beginner - I can’t catch up with them in terms of skill, And it’s important for me to be the best. In addition, skiing is a dangerous sport. With the help of kilograms, I save myself from injury. - This is an unconscious motivation.
When conscious desires and unconscious resistance to them pull a person in opposite directions, there is an internal conflict, irritation.
What else can be plus excess weight:
- The weight of the body is subconsciously associated with the stability, stability, authority of a person - "This is a person you can rely on"
- Uniqueness - I am immediately noticeable, I am remembered, I stand out from the group
- The wide boundaries of the body move away from people, create a psychological distance, and eliminate unnecessary communication.
- Subconsciously, the fat layer is felt by our body as a protection from the dangers of the outside world.
- I have many girlfriends and they are friendly to me - against my background they look slim and are not afraid for their husbands
- If there was ever an episode of even the risk of violence - extra pounds will save me from such "attention"
- I can communicate on special forums - there are people who understand my problems
- What I lack in communication or entertainment, I make up for in career growth or academic excellence.
- I suffer from loneliness, but I don’t know how to build relationships well - kilograms “save” me from disappointments
- Fear of change in life, fear of losing what you have
- There are few pleasures in my life, food takes up a large part of them.
- When tired, food is a source of energy
- In our family, plentiful joint meals and hospitality are accepted - I do not want to stand out
- Once we had a difficult financial situation and the fear of being hungry makes me eat more than I need.
- To the house. where it smells of pies, angels flock - I bake pies and gather my family - this brings us together
- if I wasn't fat. I wouldn't pay that much attention to my body. Now I have to do it
- thanks to extra pounds, I'm busy all the time - I monitor weight and nutrition. if I don't have this problem, there will be a lot of unused time
- all my thoughts are on weight loss - thanks to them, I can leave other problems for later
This is not a complete list of possible benefits. I am not suggesting that you choose from a list, these are just examples of other people's unconscious benefits.
The secondary benefit of excess weight can be sought not only in the present, but also in the past.
To do this, it is useful to remember (or ask relatives) how weight changed throughout life - when it grew and when it decreased. There is such an exercise - called "Life Line": build a graph - put weight values on the vertical axis, and dates or life events on the horizontal axis. Maybe this work will help to reveal the hidden patterns of weight fluctuations.
If it's hard to find weight gain, try answering the questions:
- What personality traits are associated with being overweight?
- What good will disappear from my life after I lose weight?
Now let's discuss another serious and often unconscious reason for being overweight. These are the so-called unconscious benefits of being overweight. It happens that a person is not ready to solve some problems in his life, attributing them to excess weight, which literally hangs in a person’s life like a “dead weight”, performing an important psychological function.
Ask yourself the question: “What good can be in being overweight?” Most patients of our center answer that there is nothing good in it. But if this is so, then man would never be complete.
Let's deal with this without trying to prevaricate or deceive ourselves. So, what good is being overweight?
The biological feasibility of obesity is to maintain energy metabolism and thermoregulation in extreme conditions. It's like a camel's hump. That is, overweight people think that at the right time, extra kilos can be used. “While the fat one dries, the thin one will die,” says a popular proverb. Actually it is not. Fat people, burdened with many other diseases, according to statistics, die much earlier than a physiologically normal person. Everything is good in moderation.
The very word "thin" (bad, bad) sounds unpleasant. And many years ago it was thought so. Previously, fatness was associated with a position in society, with prosperity, with success. During this time, most of us have developed a special attitude towards food, a certain stereotype. We do not like to throw away food, we accumulate it for the future, in reserve, our tables are full of food, and everything that is on the plates is usually eaten up. Surely, you remember how your grandmothers or mothers said: “Finish your bread, a piece, otherwise he will run after you.” However, we are not starving. But for any festive feast we buy so much that it’s enough to feed a whole regiment and we think: “What else to buy?” Where is all this? In the waist, to the detriment of health. By the way, fatness has not lost its social significance to this day. “I feel reverence and respect from the interlocutor, especially in the countries of the East,” one big (literally) businessman told me. “Everyone knows that I am a hospitable hostess, I like to cook and treat,” another of my clients echoes him, obviously flattering herself and demanding a kind of “strokes”. “Fat means kind”, “There should be a lot of a good person,” we often hear from others. That is, the attitude towards our body is formed by society, and it is good that it has begun to change. A person's weight should be physiologically optimal, he should be cozy and comfortable in this weight, he should be able to enjoy (and food too), while remaining normal. But I do not agree with the expression: "fat means good." Rather lazy. Conducted studies of obese people in the control group have shown that overweight people are more aggressive than those who are in shape. Moreover, their aggressiveness is directed not only at others, but also to a greater extent at themselves. There is another point - it has been proven that fat people are 30% smarter than others. And no matter how it is explained, milk mobility, excessive reading of books, watching TV, it is. Now that you know you're smarter than skinny, isn't it time to get a little leaner?
Of great importance in the formation and maintenance of excess weight is the so-called "secondary (unconscious) benefit." It can be beneficial for a person to be overweight and even sick in order, say, to keep her husband, to arouse self-pity, to achieve any benefits. Thus, he manipulates those around him - “don’t bother me, I don’t feel well”, “it’s already hard for me”, “I can’t bend down”, etc. Often a person is used to behaving like this and does not realize it himself, being, in fact, a despot in the family.
Psychological problems also contribute to the process of obesity. For example, divorces, betrayals, loss of loved ones, failures in work and personal life. And something remained unsaid, unfinished, hence the feeling of guilt arises - and the person begins to seize it, gain weight, waving his hand at himself.
The impetus for being overweight is often violence or an attempted rape. There is a desire to isolate themselves from uncomfortable and unpleasant sexual relationships. A person unconsciously begins to defend himself with fullness, unattractiveness, excessive modesty and modesty, solitude. And then - a vicious circle - "anyway, I'm already fat, I won't deny myself the last pleasure." And indeed, in the latter, of all the pleasures in life, only food remains.
It is impossible to become slim without changing your attitude to food and your own body. Professor at Cardiff University Stephen Galliger said, "If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got."
Exercise
Think and write what in your life you explained or justified being overweight. And if you find it, then ask yourself: “Was the weight really an obstacle?”
Overweight, according to experts, is not an independent disease, but only symptom, especially emotional complexes, requiring mood stimulants. For example, a headache. There are many reasons, and the headache is almost the same. Only in one case it can be the result of changes in atmospheric pressure, and in the other - the result of meningitis. Accordingly, the treatment will be fundamentally different. The opinion that overweight people are weak-willed is absolutely wrong. Many obese people are quite successful and achieve their goals in other areas of life.
THE POSITIVE SIDES OF MY OVERWEIGHT
"WHY IS IT BETTER FOR ME TO BE OVERWEIGHT?"
1. Freedom of choice in food: you can eat everything, in any quantity, without counting calories.
2. The ability to think well of yourself: not knowing the exact weight, health status, etc.
3. Resistant to weather manifestations: thick warmer in winter.
4. My uniqueness: I always stand out from the crowd, I am noticeable!
5. I look flawless: every morning I start with hair styling in the most expensive salon in the city.
6. I always have a flawless beautiful manicure.
7. I have well-groomed feet (after all, fat people have a big load on their feet) and a wonderful pedicure.
8. I dress especially well: I have my own fashion designer, he sews clothes that suit my figure.
9. I buy beautiful jewelry for myself: jewelry, original jewelry.
10. I do massages, masks, wraps, etc.
11. I am improving my education.
12. I am engaged in raising the level of my spirituality: reading books, meditating, etc.
13. I have a "comfortable" dream - to lose weight!
14. There is always something to do: weight loss courses, diets, etc.
15. "Convenient" and inexhaustible topic for discussion with friends.
16. I have cool friends, because they are flattered against my background to feel slim!
17. All men are sure to pay attention to me!
18. I am the soul of the company!
19. I live comfortably: housekeeper, personal chef.
20. Without a twinge of conscience I use all the benefits of civilization: an elevator, etc.
21. I put off going to driving courses (I'm actually afraid), but there is a “reason”: my stomach prevents me from sitting in the driver's seat, and most importantly, I have a driver.
22. I buy myself expensive luxury underwear.
23. In sex, I am inventive.
24. I am an attentive interlocutor and, in general, a well-mannered person.
25. Due to my extra weight, I am always ahead of my peers: an excellent student, an activist, a red diploma.
26. Due to my extra weight, I am a KVN star: I can create a comical image on stage.
27. I diligently do my job, so everything is fine in my service, I am an excellent leader.
28. Due to my extra weight, I am elected as a deputy of the maslikhat for the second time.
29. Due to my extra weight, people around me take care of me: they give me a hand, the bottom shelf in a train, they help me get out of the car, etc.
30. I have the best beautician: my skin must be in good shape!
31. I wear comfortable shoes.
32. Thanks to being overweight, I make excellent money, because I have to pay: bills in restaurants, salons, etc.
33. It's nice to hug and sleep with me, because I'm soft.
34. Due to being overweight, I know the calorie content of all foods.
35. Due to my extra weight, I only buy high-quality products in the best stores.
36. I use the best cosmetic line for the face.
37. I know for sure that I have only one drawback - my excess weight.
38. Due to being overweight, I know a lot of diets and weight loss techniques.
39. At my age, I look solid.
40. I allow myself to be lazy: to sit once more, to lie down.
41. Due to being overweight, I always have the latest technology: cell phones, laptops, etc.
42. I go in for sports, but without loads, with pleasure.
43. As a child, my things were only mine, no one wore them out, because younger thin sister they were great.
44. I know how to enjoy food, food I seize stress, and this is much easier than calming myself in other ways.
45. Thanks to my extra weight, I have a strong character!
46. I know that my husband loves me for real, and not for beautiful body shapes!
After working with a psychotherapist, a person loses the need to fill his body with excess food. Something similar happens to people in a state of love. Well-designed weight loss- this is not deprivation of something familiar, for example, the pleasure of food, but the disclosure of new opportunities while preserving all the valuable that a person already has.
Life is life, and situations are different. Pregnancy, a change in job and professional activity, serious trials can serve as an impetus for weight gain. In most of these cases, it is important to contact a specialist in time. As you know, the disease is easier to prevent than to treat.
Almost every week we want to start a new life - go to bed earlier and wake up earlier, drink less coffee, eat less sweets, go on a diet and get rid of extra pounds, start exercising, etc. And almost every Monday there are reasons why we cannot do this now. And everything is again postponed until next Monday.
Why do you think this is happening? No time, no motivation or just laziness? Turns out it works for us! But what are the benefits of extra pounds? And what good can be in unhealthy habits? Now we'll see.
Every extra kilo, every unhealthy habit has a positive role that they play, in other words, a benefit. It can protect us from something, give us what we subconsciously strive for or what we are afraid of.
Any action that we like or dislike brings with it some kind of pleasure, comfort and protection. For example, when a person has no other pleasures in life, he uses food as the most accessible. The benefit is expressed in getting pleasure quickly! It is important to find your benefits, then the weight loss process will go much faster and easier!
What are the benefits of being overweight?
1. Having fun
Enjoying food is a pleasure.
2. Making excuses for your failures
Very often, self-doubt, inability to build relationships with people and the opposite sex is hidden behind extra pounds. The benefit is to relieve yourself of responsibility and justify yourself for not being able to find a worthy husband or wife, true friends or a good job.
3. Having a purpose in life
When a person has no other goals in life, then the goal - to get rid of excess weight becomes the only one. The benefit is to have at least one goal that you can constantly work on.
4. Protection from the outside world
If a person is very vulnerable, once received a psychological trauma, lost a loved one or experienced a betrayal, excess weight can become a certain protective barrier against pain, disappointment and danger. A person fences off, defends himself from everything that hurts, frightens and upsets him.
5. Stress Protection
The easiest way to deal with stress is to eat it. Very often, this is what causes the addiction to sweets.
6. Feeling of self-importance
Sometimes behind excess weight there is a desire to give yourself weight in the eyes of others and feel more important, solid and authoritative.
7. Manipulation
Being overweight and even getting sick can be beneficial in order to arouse pity, seek privileges, and manipulate people.
Of course, we consciously do not want to be overweight and sincerely try to get rid of it, but something can interfere with us, and we need to deal with this.
Ask yourself questions: what good do I get from being overweight, from a lot of sweets or coffee, from not exercising, and any other unhealthy habit? What pleasure do I experience? What I feel?
After answering these questions honestly to yourself, find what can help you feel and experience the same. For example, if stress eating brings you peace of mind, find another activity that will also calm you down. For me, it's like embroidery.
Remember, being healthy and lean is easier than you think!
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Excess weight is a common and well-studied phenomenon caused by both physiological and psychological causes. The only pity is that psychology is often ignored, and in fact there are many clues hidden in it.
According to statistics, excess weight in most cases is a consequence of banal overeating. Russian endocrinologist Larisa Savelyeva believes that the increase in obesity is associated with the so-called Westernization of society, which has affected lifestyle changes. But the share of diseases accounts for only 5% of cases.
PHOTO KAPRIZYLKA.RU
Overeating is when we eat more than is needed for good health. It would seem that knowledge about proper nutrition is available to everyone today. How do people still manage to feed themselves incorrectly? Why even nutritionists are overweight?
“Knowing” and “doing” are, as you know, different things, especially in matters of nutrition. Why is that? Just because a lot of psychology is involved in them. This is why it can be so difficult to follow the recommendations of a nutritionist. Not only because of laziness or weak willpower, as everyone used to think.
The fact is that we need excess weight, and therefore, in order to get rid of it, we need to understand why. It sounds strange: how can someone need extra weight? But we are talking about hidden benefits that are not obvious to consciousness. By realizing these benefits, you will be able to meet your needs in really effective ways, instead of overeating.
It is the subconscious mind that controls our behavior. Consciously, you can want anything, but everything will turn out the way it is written in the subconscious. So what are the hidden benefits of being overweight?
Excess weight can play the role of protective armor. The subconscious logic is this: I am getting fatter, which means I can more effectively cope with stress and stress. Overweight women can defend themselves against their sexuality. For example, in order not to attract other men while married. Or for fear of being underestimated as a person (for example, at work).
PHOTO VLADTIME.RU
The male version of this benefit is the rejection of the aggressiveness and ambition inherent in a real man. In modern society, men are expected to achieve certain achievements: in their careers, relationships with women, and so on. Excess weight becomes an excuse not to participate in this struggle. In general, he can justify inaction in any sphere of life. After all, it seems to us - thanks to mass culture - that only slender people achieve happiness and success.
The next unconscious benefit of being overweight is gaining weight in the eyes of others. This is important for people in high positions, burdened with serious responsibility. Excess weight in this case is a reinforcement of personal qualities (“so they will definitely take me seriously”).
Overeating is often an attempt to isolate oneself from unpleasant experiences. Especially from feelings of guilt, anger, anxiety and sadness. People do it because they don't know how to work with their emotions. Others have subconscious beliefs that it is impossible to be bad and imperfect. For example, a woman thinks: a good mother cannot be angry. Every time she feels angry at the child, she will experience a strong desire to overeat.
Yes, immersing yourself in negative emotions is scary and uncomfortable. This requires a certain amount of courage and honesty with oneself. But the study of emotions is the only true way. Suppression will turn emotions into evil demons, eager to poison your life. Therefore, learn to be aware and acknowledge your emotions. To do this, psychologist Alla Kholmogorova recommends saying them out loud. It is important not only to acknowledge experiences to oneself, but also to communicate them to loved ones. This way they will be able to understand you better and help you if needed.
The fight against excess weight can become a matter of life if a person does not have enough other interests and hobbies. Everyone needs such activities that would bring deep satisfaction and enrich spiritually. When there are few of them, constant weight gain and loss is an attempt to fill this void.
The habit of eating when not hungry threatens to develop food addiction. It is not easy to recognize, especially in the early stages. Like it or not, we need food to survive, unlike, for example, alcohol. As addiction develops, overeating becomes more frequent. In the end, it starts on almost any occasion.
The problem is that comforting yourself with tasty treats is almost worldly wisdom and the rule of life. From childhood, we are taught that candy is a reward and support. It can be difficult to abandon such a strategy at a conscious age. We all realize that eating half a cake is not the solution to the problem. But the nature of all addiction is cunning, and we find a thousand excuses to do it.
To cope with psychological overeating, first allow yourself to eat. This is such a trick, because you always want to break the ban. Next, learn to distinguish between real and emotional hunger. And finally, make it a rule to analyze each case of overeating in search of a real problem. Hunger-satiety scales, emotion-handling techniques, and other specific recommendations can be found in intuitive eating habits. One of the most popular authors in the CIS is Svetlana Bronnikova.
Anastasia PENEVSKAYA, psychologist.
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