To be or not to be - that is the question! Perhaps Hamlet's words best describe a man who is so insecure. “He knows that he must kill his stepfather, and he hesitates only because the goal he is pursuing unconsciously frightens him,” explains Gestalt therapist Nifont Dolgopolov. - He strives for the ideal and is tormented by his own imperfections. And therefore cannot be completely satisfied with any of the decisions.”
At that moment when a person must give a definite answer and is unable to do so, he may be seized by real panic. “He feels awkward, annoyed, embarrassed, and feels guilty for stalling for time,” says Nifont Dolgopolov. “These feelings are aggravated and can develop into irritation and even anger if his partner pushes him or criticizes him.”
Paradoxically, the more he hesitates, the more confident he actually is about what to do. But he still waits for someone to make a decision for him. Such an unconscious strategy allows a person not to take responsibility for the consequences and for the choices made by others.
“I am learning to listen to my desires”
Ekaterina, 36 years old, doctor
“When I need to choose black trousers or a red dress in a store, I buy both. For several years now I have been unable to decide to leave the hospital to go into private practice. I can’t connect my life with the man I love because I can’t answer simple questions: should we live together or not? Should I have children or wait? As soon as I have to make a choice, I involuntarily begin to hesitate, stall for time, as if I’m waiting for someone to decide for me...
The situation became so unbearable that I decided to take a transactional analysis course. I'm working with my therapist to learn to listen to my desires, trying not to be guided by the opinions and tastes of my authoritarian mother. My journey of healing is to finally give free rein to my inner child, who still lives in me, who has been deprived of the right to speak since childhood.”
Fear of error
Those who find it difficult to make decisions for themselves suffer from self-doubt. They are afraid of making a mistake, because having made a choice in favor of, say, one dish in a restaurant, they have to refuse others that are presented on the menu.
“Lack of self-confidence becomes the main characteristic of a person if, from early childhood, when making decisions, he is accustomed to relying on the opinions of others - parents, friends or people authoritative for him,” explains Nifont Dolgopolov. - This behavior tactic develops in a child if his parents are authoritarian and adhere to a strict parenting style. They constantly evaluate the child, criticize his behavior, his preferences, make decisions for him... And he gradually stops relying on himself.”
It is pointless to give advice to an indecisive person, but it is also dangerous to make decisions for him, because then he will place all the responsibility on you. Another mistake is to reproach him for inaction: this will strengthen his negative attitude towards himself.
Help him figure out what is stopping him from being more decisive. Make it clear that he is clinging to self-doubt only because he is focusing on hypothetical losses rather than potential gains. Those who doubt themselves find it difficult to acknowledge the consequences of their indecisiveness. Draw his attention to what can happen if he never learns to make decisions on his own.
What to do?
Don't be afraid to take risks
Challenge yourself, others and win - learn to enjoy it. Every decision made, like every victory over ourselves, strengthens our self-confidence. Use the technique of model behavior: choose a brave, decisive person who, in your opinion, can serve as an example of success and willpower. And every time you make a decision, ask yourself: what would he do in my place?
Change position
You are wrong to confidently say about yourself: “I am not able to make this decision.” In fact, you are like Molière's Mr. Jourdain, who had no idea that he had been speaking in prose all his life until he was told about it. After all, from morning to evening you make many decisions every day! So change your perspective: be more attentive to the decisions you made on your own today.
We make decisions every day. Everything we say and do is the result of our decisions (conscious or unconscious). There is no exact single decision-making formula for any choice (important or insignificant). The best thing you can do is to consider a particular decision from different points of view, then outline a course of action that seems most reasonable and balanced to you. If you have an important decision to make, it may seem difficult. But there are some simple things you can do to make the decision seem less daunting. For example, think about how things would unfold in a worst-case scenario, make a table to evaluate the pros and cons of each decision, and follow your intuition. Read this article if you want to learn a little more about how to make decisions.
Steps
Part 1
Understand the Source of Your Fear- For example, you might start a journal by asking yourself, “What decision do I need to make? What do I need to do? What am I afraid of that might happen if I make the wrong choice?”
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Think about what could happen in the worst case scenario. After you write about the decision you need to make and the reasons why you are afraid of this decision, take the next step. Try to determine how events will develop in the worst case scenario. Place your decision within the framework of a scenario where things might not go as expected. This way, making a decision will not be so scary.
Consider whether the decision you make will be permanent. Once you've thought about everything that could go wrong, think about whether the decision is reversible. Most decisions are reversible, so you need to keep in mind that if you don't like the decision you make, you can change it, thereby correcting the situation.
- For example, let's say you decide to quit your part-time job so you can spend more time with your children. If you have trouble paying your bills, you can change this decision by finding another (full-time) job.
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Talk to a friend or family member. You should not make a responsible and important decision on your own. Enlist the help of a trusted friend or family member to help you or at least listen to your problems. Share with him information about this decision, as well as your concerns about what might go wrong. Simply talking about your concerns about a decision can help you feel better. In addition, a close friend or family member can give you advice and support you.
- You might consider talking to someone who has nothing to do with the situation to get an independent opinion. Talking to a psychologist can also be a helpful solution in such a situation.
- You can find on the Internet those people who have been in a similar situation. If you're trying to make a decision between full-time and part-time work (and time with the kids), you can ask for advice on an online parenting forum. Most likely, you will hear different opinions from people who have found themselves in a similar situation. You can also listen to people who tell you what they would do if they were in your place.
Part 2
Think about a solution-
Calm down. Too much emotion (both positive and negative) can affect your ability to make rational decisions. When you need to make a decision, the first thing you need to do is calm down. If you cannot remain calm, delay making a decision until you can think about it clearly and calmly.
Find as much information as possible. In most cases, it is much easier to make a decision when you have enough information to justify it. When making decisions (especially on important topics), you should rely on logic. Find more information to have a better understanding of all your options.
Use the 5 Whys technique to understand your problem. Ask yourself the question “why?” 5 times - this will help to reveal the source of the problem and understand why you are making this decision. For example, if you were trying to decide whether to stay at your job full-time or go part-time to spend more time with your family, here are some possible “5 Whys”:
- “Why would I want to consider part-time work?” Answer: “Because I work until late at night.” “Why do I work until late at night?” Answer: “Because we have a new project that requires a lot of time.” “Why does this project take so long?” Answer: “Because I’m trying to do a good job and succeed.” "Why do I want to succeed?" Answer: “Because I want to earn more money and provide for my family.”
- In this case, the 5 Whys show that you are planning to reduce your hours even if you are hoping for a promotion. A conflict situation arises that needs to be carefully analyzed in order to make the right decision.
- The 5 Whys technique also suggests that this problem may be temporary - you're working so much because you're on a new project right now. Think about it: will your work still take up as much of your time when you figure out a new project?
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Think about who your decision will affect. The first thing to consider is how the decision will affect you. Specifically, how will your decision affect your personality? What are your values and goals? Decisions that are not aligned with your values and goals will leave you dissatisfied in the long run.
- For example, if the main thing that matters to you is your personality (i.e. ambition), then moving to a new (part-time) position would not be the best choice because you are pursuing your ambitions and want to advance in your career, become a better employee in your company.
- Your core values may conflict with each other. For example, your core values might be ambition and family. Then to make the right decision you will have to prioritize. Understanding how a decision will affect your values will help you make the right choice.
- It is also worth considering how the decision problem affects other people. Could your choices somehow negatively affect the people you care about? Take into account the feelings of everyone involved in this process (especially if you are married or have children).
- For example, deciding to go part-time may have a positive impact on your children because you will be able to spend more time with them, but the decision may have a negative impact on you because you may have to give up your ambitions for advancement at work . It can also have a negative impact on your family because your income will be reduced.
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List all the options you have. At first glance it may seem that there is only one way out, but this is usually not the case. Even if your situation seems limited, try making a list of possible options. Don't try to evaluate them until you have a complete list. Be careful. If you have problems with your options, discuss it with friends or family.
Make a table to evaluate the pros and cons of each solution. If your problem is complex and you're simply overwhelmed by the possible consequences, consider creating a spreadsheet. It can be compiled in Microsoft Excel, or you can draw it on paper.
- To create a table, write the option you are considering in the heading of each column. Divide each column into two columns to compare the pros and cons. To rate each option, write “+” or “-” in the columns.
- You can also rate each option by several points. For example, the option “go to part-time work” can be scored 5 points in the item where it is stated: “I will have dinner with the children every day.” On the other hand, you can rate this option at -20 points in the paragraph: “there will be a budget deficit.”
- Once you're done with the table, you can assign points to all the solution options and think about which option has the highest score. Just keep in mind that you may not be able to make a decision using this strategy alone.
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Step back to give your thoughts space. Creative people may not even realize it, but their ideas and solutions often come when they are not struggling to find these ideas. This means that creative and intellectual solutions and ideas often come to us when our mind is calm. This is why many people practice meditation.
- It's important to ask questions and gather information and advice before making a decision, but if you want to make a truly creative and smart decision, you need to stop overthinking or at least calm down a little. Breathing meditation is one of the methods that allows you to give your thoughts space. With this technique you can come up with creative ideas. In addition, you do not have to devote too much time to this technique. You can practice breathing exercises while doing everyday activities, such as brushing your teeth, cooking, walking, and so on. More information can be found in this article.
- Consider the following example: a musician has certain knowledge and information about how to create music, how to play an instrument, sing, compose songs, and so on. But it is creativity that controls this knowledge. Yes, playing an instrument and singing are important skills, but the essence of this game is creativity.
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Learn to distinguish between an impulsive decision and a rational decision. The impulse solution usually goes away after some time. For example, you may have an impulsive idea to eat something, buy something, go somewhere, and so on. A reasonable decision remains in the mind for a long time. For days, weeks and months.
- A smart decision can also come as an impulse, but remember that after a while you will feel that you still support this decision. That's why we advise gathering more information and asking yourself a few questions - it helps you figure out smart decisions.
- Experiment: Notice your actions after taking a few deep breaths - this is compared to when your actions are driven by an impulse decision.
Part 3
Make a decision-
Give yourself advice as if you were giving advice to a friend. Sometimes you need to step back to make the right choice. Think about what you would say to a good friend who, suppose, found himself in this situation? What decision would you advise him to make? What would you try to point out to your friend about his decision? Why don't you take your own advice?
- Try playing the role using this strategy. Just sit down, put a chair next to you and pretend that you are someone else talking to you.
- If you don't really feel like sitting down and pretending you're talking to yourself, you can try writing yourself a letter offering some advice. Begin your letter with the words: “Dear ____, I have analyzed your situation. I think the best solution would be ____.” Continue your letter by explaining your point of view (independent opinion).
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Play devil's advocate. This game will help you understand how you really feel about a decision because in the game you will have to hold an opposing opinion and try to pretend that it is your own point of view. If your arguments for a decision actually make sense, you'll have new information to keep in mind.
- To play devil's advocate, try arguing with yourself about any issue when you need to make the right choice. If it's easy to challenge your choice, you may realize that it's better to make a different choice.
- For example, if you are inclined to spend more time with your children, try challenging your decision. Tell yourself that you could spend more time with your children on weekends and during vacations. You can also argue that the money and potential career advancement you will lose will affect the quality of family dinners. This will help you understand that your children may benefit from working full-time than spending extra hours with you. Plus, working full-time will benefit you and your ambitions - and that's worth considering too.
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Consider whether you feel guilty. Making a decision out of guilt is quite common. But guilt shouldn't motivate you to make decisions. Guilt often distorts our perception of events and their outcomes so that we cannot clearly understand our role in those events. Guilt often weighs heavily on working women who face society's pressure to strike a perfect balance between work and family life.
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Think about the future. At the end of the day, the best way to make a decision is to think about how you'll feel in a few years. Think about what you will think about when you look at yourself in the mirror. How will you explain your decision to your grandchildren? If you don't like what the future might look like if you make this decision, you should probably rethink your choice.
- For example, do you think 10 years from now you will regret having to go part-time? If so, why? What can you accomplish in 10 years working full-time (as opposed to what you could accomplish working part-time)?
Write about your fears. Keeping a journal about your fears will help you understand them and, as a result, help you make decisions. Start writing about the decision you need to make. Describe (or make a list) the consequences of the decision you are making. Allow yourself to express all your thoughts about these fears, without judging or judging yourself.
Throughout his life, every person often has to make an important decision. He also faces the need to make choices throughout the day: what to wear, what soap to use, what products to buy for home, what TV series to watch, and so on. And sometimes even such small everyday issues can put a person before a choice, the result of which can depend on one’s mood or even one’s fate.
Big and small problems
If you look at it this way, then our whole life is a chain consisting of links of choice options. It’s good if these are minor problems: how to cook rice porridge, what color tie will go best with a shirt... Such little things usually do not leave a trace in the memory. It’s another matter when a person’s future life is decided by choice. For example, what profession to choose, whether to tie your fate with the person you like or invest in a business. In these cases, the price of the issue is determined by other measures. If, having cooked porridge incorrectly, a person risks being left without lunch, then the price for a wrong decision can be the loss of money or even several years of life.
For this reason, making the right decision of this kind is often accompanied by stress. And the longer a person thinks, the more this condition worsens, which ultimately affects his well-being and ability to resolve the situation.
Why is it important to make a quick decision?
Every person wants something more in this life: to build a house, earn money, buy expensive furniture, have a beautiful appearance, raise smart children. At first glance, everything is simple - just take it and do it. But there is a small nuance: the possibilities have become so extensive that a person is at a loss for choice. Some turn off the right path, while others continue to go towards their intended goal. Therefore, before making the right decision, you need to carefully analyze and weigh everything. Today our world is structured in such a way that it is not “the big eats the small”, but “the nimble eats the slow.” Speed is everything. A small but actively developing company can unexpectedly absorb a clumsy giant.
In order to open your own production and start doing what you love, a person needs not only funds and desire, but also a decision to change his life once and for all. And this is not easy, because there are always doubts. How to take this step, how to decide to burn all the bridges behind and plunge into the world of new opportunities? In fact, there are many ways that help you overcome doubts and make the right decision.
Time to choose
If you have time to think about each question, you should think through each answer option, since you don’t know in advance which solution is correct. The more versions there are, the greater the chances of finding the best option. You can even write down on paper different situations and their possible solutions. Naturally, this will take time, but there will be an opportunity to analyze and think about everything.
In fact, choice is a unique property of a person that nature gave him. With its help, he can control the reality in which he lives, so as not to become a hostage to unforeseen situations. If a person does not have time to make a choice himself, others will do it for him - parents, social environment, boss, friends. Choice is everything! Therefore, if a person is afraid to make choices himself, he cannot control his destiny, which means he will not achieve his goal. If he does not believe in himself, in his success, he will not have the courage to choose. What helps you make the right decision and how to take an important step?
Fear of failure
When making a decision, a person is afraid of the disapproval of others, failure, losing what he has, responsibility, poverty. Sometimes these fears are justified, but they make it possible to understand one truth: no matter what decision is made - right or wrong - loss cannot be avoided, it is this moment that becomes the cause of torment. Therefore, before quickly making the right decision, you need to kill the fear in yourself. Because of it, the need to choose is perceived as a painful burden - an attempt by all means to avoid it or delay it for some more time.
In addition, a lot depends on the person: under the same circumstances, someone makes a decision, and someone tries to transfer responsibility to another. Because everyone sees the world differently. Two people, having lived the same situation together, will talk about it differently.
The world through the prism of beliefs
We see our world through the prism of our beliefs and knowledge. They, like filters, are able to pass only the information that is necessary. On its basis, important conclusions are drawn. Before making the right decision, one must not give up, one must not give up, otherwise the person will not see a way out of the current situation. “I can’t do anything. I'm a small person. I have nothing left except work. I will always have to live in poverty,” such beliefs prevent you from being free, decisive, purposeful, persistent, believing in yourself, and deprive you of choice. Because of such blockages, important information does not reach our consciousness; we simply reject it.
Is there a choice?
Of course, situations are different, but, regardless of the circumstances, the decision is made by the person himself. But what it will be like, conscious or not, is the question. A conscious decision is a clear vision of the future result. The unconscious is expressed in automatic action under the influence of an impulsive, passionate desire: “It happened,” “I couldn’t restrain myself.” In other words, the person himself does not understand how he committed this or that action, and as a result cannot understand the consequences.
In reality, we cannot know everything, and sometimes we are not able to perform actions that are competent in all respects, but we need to strive for the best, getting to know not only ourselves, but also the world around us. A clear and clear understanding of how to find the right solution to a problem is the basis for effective choice.
Correct criteria
The main question today that many people ask themselves is: “How to get out of this or that situation?” Experts are confident that there is always a way out if we set the right criteria that we define for ourselves.
For example, if a woman wants to create a harmonious relationship and sets herself the task of meeting an athletic, dark-skinned, wealthy and intelligent man, then this will not be enough. Since such a desire determines only the external forms of the goal. It is necessary to fill the task with content. After all, you can meet many men according to established criteria, but how do you know if there is “the one” among them? This is where you can get confused and make a mistake.
Basic criteria for the right choice
To make the right choice, you should fill the task with many sub-points: what kind of relationship you want, what kind of character the chosen one should be. And you need to carry this goal in your heart and understand that you are the one worthy of it. Under no circumstances should there be any doubt. You need to believe that you will definitely meet a worthy person on your way. It is important to look at internal qualities: will you be comfortable with this man, do you feel joy and calmness, do you trust him? Only by answering these questions can you make an informed choice.
In a trap
Before choosing the right decision, you need to understand that the situation can change in any direction, so our future life depends only on our choice. Global changes require informed decisions, for which you need to be prepared. And this depends on the desire to manage your life and the ability to be responsible for your actions. The biggest mistake people make is an outburst of emotions that leads to rash actions. Any deadlock situation requires reflection, which takes time. Haste leads to negative consequences, and a person drives himself into a trap. There is no need to rush, otherwise you will have to start all over again. But, as they say, you learn from mistakes. And this is the kind of experience that brings wisdom.
Choice without lot
How to make the right decision, spending a minimum of time and without risk to health? As a rule, when making a choice, a person weighs the pros and cons. Psychologists even recommend writing down arguments in table form. But what if the result is a 50x50 proportion? How to find the right solution to a problem without resorting to drawing lots? Here are some standard tips to help deal with this problem:
When making a choice, you should look several steps ahead: what results will this or that result lead to. The only correct decision must come consciously, after carefully weighing all possible consequences.
Hopeless situations
Surely each of us has encountered unforeseen situations that required immediate decision-making: some were able to accept them, while others were not. As practice shows, some unforeseen situations do not forgive doubts and mistakes, so every person should know how to quickly make the right decision in order to protect themselves and loved ones from unpleasant situations. The main mistake of many people is unconscious actions in an emergency or an attempt to leave due to fear of responsibility. Therefore, it is better to be prepared in advance so as not to pay the price for unawareness and ignorance later.
How to make the right decision
There are circumstances when a problem needs to be solved right here and now, but a person cannot do anything because he does not know how to do the right thing. In such situations, you need to remain calm before making the right decision. After all, how the problem is resolved depends on this. Gather your thoughts, look into your subconscious, ask your intuition to suggest a way out of the current situation. And what solution comes to mind first is the answer to your request. Even if you have never developed your subconscious mind, it is worth using your intuition. It is important not to make decisions under criticism and pressure, since being in an unbalanced state can lead to rash choices.
So, what helps you make the right decision? This is life experience, lack of fear, intuition, subconscious, situation analysis and logical thinking.
How to make a decision when in doubt? This is a very important question. After all, our whole life is actually a string of decisions made on the simplest and most complex issues. And each previous decision determines what subsequent new questions life will pose to us and what opportunities will open up before us. It’s strange that the school spent so much time on trigonometry, but did not give any instructions on such an important issue...
I have several faithful assistants - proven techniques that have helped me out many times and helped me make the right decision. I learned some techniques at personal growth trainings, some from the works of great philosophers, and some were suggested to me... by my grandmother.
Sometimes it gets a little scary how even the simplest decision can change our destiny. Here is an example from life:
In this context, I like the film starring Jim Carrey Always say yes" If you haven't seen this film, I highly recommend watching it. Few people know that the comedy is based on the biographical book of British writer Danny Wallace, who answered only “YES” to all offers for 6 months. The writer even starred in the film in the “bachelorette party” scene in a cameo role.The girl was invited to a party during the week. She was thinking whether to go or not to go. Tired after work. Plus there's an important presentation tomorrow morning. Still, I DECIDED to go. And as a result, I met my love. She got married and gave birth to her beloved children. She has found her happiness and often asks herself what her fate would have been like if she had not gone to that party.
So, the continuation of the scenario of our life depends on our every decision, even the smallest one.
So, back to our main question: “How to make the right decision when in doubt?”.
1st method “Intuition”.
All subsequent techniques are very important, but the role of intuition should not be underestimated in any case. You have noticed that most often we immediately know and feel what to do. For example, I I tell myself: “Listen. What is your stomach telling you? You need to listen to your inner voice. But if this does not help, I use several simple and proven techniques.
In fact, this is folk wisdom, which is the quintessence of the experience of many previous generations our ancestors. They have been noticing certain causes and effects for thousands of years. And they passed this knowledge on from generation to generation. So, my grandmother told me, if you have doubts, you don’t know what decision to make, ask the two closest people for advice. Grandmother said that through them the Angels tell you the best decision for you.
This method can to some extent be called a consequence of the previous method: if your Angel cannot “reach out” to you with the right decision through intuition, then he passes it on through the people closest to you.
3rd method “Descartes square for decision making”.
The essence of this simple technique is that the problem or issue must be considered from 4 different sides. After all, we often get hung up on one question: what will happen if THIS HAPPENS? Or, what will I get if I DO THIS? But you need to ask yourself not 1, but 4 questions:
- What will, if this will happen? (pros of this).
- What will, if this NOT will happen ? (pros of not getting it).
- What Will not, if this will happen? (disadvantages of this).
- What Will not, if this will NOT happen? (disadvantages of not getting this).
To make it clearer, you can ask the questions a little differently:
4th technique “Expanding choice”.
This is a very important technique. Often we become fixated on only one choice, “YES or NO,” “Do or Don’t,” and in our persistence we forget to consider all other options. For example, whether to buy this particular car on credit or not. If not, then continue to take the metro. Because we focus only on the “YES or NO” option, we forget about other options. For example, an alternative to taking the subway could be buying an inexpensive car. And no longer on credit.
5th method Jose Silva “Glass of water”.
This is an amazing, effective, working technique. Its author is Jose Silva, who became famous around the world for the Silva Method he developed.– a set of psychological exercises. This is how you should do the exercise. Before going to bed, take a glass of clean, unboiled water with both hands (you can take mineral water), close your eyes and formulate a question that requires a solution. Then drink about half of the water in small sips, repeating to yourself approximately the following words: “This is all I need to do in order to find the right solution.” Open your eyes, put the glass with the remaining water near the bed and go to bed. In the morning, drink your water and thank you for the right decision. The solution may clearly “come” immediately in the morning after waking up, or it may dawn in the middle of the day. The decision will come like a flash and it will become completely incomprehensible, as could have been doubted. This is it, the right decision.
6th technique “Stick to your basic priorities”
The technique is based on the ideas of the philosophers of Ancient Greece. “Ataraxia” is equanimity, calmness. It is achieved when a person correctly distributes the value system. After all, most often a person is restless and suffers from not getting what he wants.
The key to achieving happiness is very simple: you need to be happy with what you have and not desire what you cannot have! (Aldous Huxley)
The wise Greeks distributed the IMPORTANCE of values and their basic priorities as follows:
- Natural and Natural Values like, water and food.
- Values are natural, but not quite natural, dictated by the sociality of all people, for example, the value of having a higher education and other similar stereotypical values. You can free yourself from most of these values.
- Values are not natural and not natural. This is fame, success, veneration, wealth. This is the opinion of others, condemnation from the outside. Or, conversely, excessive praise. You can easily say goodbye to these values!
So, when you want to get something when making a decision, analyze according to the above classification whether you really need it or these are not natural and natural values imposed on you by the stereotypes of society. Don't think about what others will think, but at the same time be sure that your decision will not harm anyone.
7th technique “Wait”.
When making important and long-term solutions, it is important to get rid of emotions. For example, in relationships with loved ones or if you want to change jobs, but are afraid of change.
Sometimes, to make the right decision, you just have to wait. You know that impulsive desires are often difficult to deal with. At the same time, if you wait a little, the desire may disappear on its own. And what seemed a prime necessity yesterday seems completely unnecessary today. No wonder they say: “I need to sleep with this thought.”
To get rid of emotions, you can use an exercise called “10/10/10”. We need to answer the question “How will I feel about this in 10 hours/10 months/10 years?”
Summary.
You got the answer to the question, how to make a decision when in doubt? And now you have to make your choice. When making a decision it is important:
- turn off emotions;
- listen to intuition;
- ask advice from 2 closest people;
- consider other options, expand the choice;
- evaluate all the PROS and CONS on the issues of Descartes Square;
- assess whether the decision contradicts your basic principles;
- if possible, postpone the decision, wait, “sleep with this thought” using the “Glass of Water” technique.
In all other circumstances, always be confident in yourself and in your dreams, don't give up, be optimistic. Do not think about what others will think, but at the same time, your decision will be correct only when, after making it, you will have peace of mind and you will be sure that you are not harming anyone and are not going against your principles.
Don’t be afraid, make your decision, even if it turns out to be wrong, because “No one stumbles while lying in bed” (Japanese wisdom)!
I wish you inspiration and a lot of strength for all your plans and decisions!
The life of each of us is an endless stream of decisions. You constantly have to choose: what to buy, how to spend the evening, what profession to choose, what deal to accept and what to reject, etc.
Fortunately, in most cases, making the right decision is quite simple. Our subconscious does not have to spend a lot of time choosing one of the options, since it is definitely better. But there are situations when it is not clear which of the chosen options will bring more benefit and less harm.
Remember the legendary film “The Matrix”, when Morpheus asked Neo to choose one of the pills. From the outside it may seem that choosing freedom and life in reality was easier and more correct than forgetting everything and continuing to exist in a fairy tale. In fact, most people choose the other side in their lives.
But we're getting a little off topic. So, there are situations when it is not easy to make the right decision. Each of the possible options has a lot of advantages and even more disadvantages that we would not like to receive. In addition, each of the options will have a lot of consequences that we could not even imagine.
2 approaches to decision making
There are two ways that can help us make a choice. We have used each of them in our lives, it’s just that some people choose one more often, others more often use the second.
1. When to turn on logic?
Careful consideration of possible options and their consequences is characteristic of making logical decisions. Using this approach, we can weigh the pros and cons, analyze the possible benefits and losses of each of the possible options.
The logical approach is best used in situations where there is a lot of input data and most of the consequences are easily predicted. As a rule, this approach is best used in business and in any other business areas of life, in cases where the possible risks are very high.
2. When to use intuition?
Often we find ourselves in a situation where it is almost impossible to imagine the further development of events. There is no past experience corresponding to similar situations, and there is no way to extract and analyze information from other sources. And you need to make a decision quickly, since “delay is like death.”
In this case, there is nothing left to do but listen to your intuition and make a quick and unambiguous choice. All the same, we will not be able to make any accurate forecasts.
The need to make such decisions almost always arises in personal life and in everything related to human feelings and emotions.
Regardless of which approach you prefer, I recommend that you adhere to the following five principles to help you make the right decision:
Principle 1. Never rely on “maybe”. Always make your own decision.
Don't wait for everything to work itself out or for someone else to do it for you. Indecision is also a decision, but in this case you are no longer in control of the situation, and therefore have no power over your life. Often people put off making a decision until there are no more equivalent options worthy of consideration, and this is no longer a decision.
Consciously making a decision, even an unpleasant one, will prepare you in advance to accept its consequences and, most likely, it will be easier for you to cope with its negative consequences. And maybe you can even find a way to get rid of some of the problems associated with this.
Principle 2. Make a decision quickly.
By postponing the decision until later, we usually increase our bet in this game. As a rule, intuition tells us the best ways, but intuition only works for a short time, then all your past experience, fears, doubts and other nonsense that your brain is loaded with comes into play. All this only clutters our consciousness and pushes us to mistakes.
The sooner you can decide on your choice, the more time you will have to prepare for its negative consequences. There will be time to “spread the straw”, as a result, you will be able to extract more benefit from the path you have chosen.
Principle 3. Once you make a decision, start acting immediately and don’t stop.
Nothing delays achieving your goals more than procrastination. Having once postponed the implementation of your decisions, it will not be difficult for you to postpone in the future, and this risks the fact that you will never achieve the goals for which you made the decision. Often, what we thought about and decided to do is forgotten after a few days. No one has yet canceled the long box - it is in it that all our greatest achievements are stored.
Principle 4. Don't change your mind halfway through the process.
Achieving any result requires time and effort. There is no point in expecting that the result will come easily and quickly. And if you constantly change your decisions, then all this will be similar to Brownian motion (the chaotic movement of the molecules of a substance, in which the substance itself does not move anywhere) and no result will definitely come.
Get it into your head that you can only get results by reaching the end.
If you decide to become rich, then follow through. If after a week you decide that this is difficult and it’s better to become healthy. Stop saving money and start eating right. In another week you will stop eating vegetables, because... you want barbecue, and decide to be beautiful by playing sports. Then you can continue on your own.
Principle 5. The most important. Never regret your decision.
Often people believe that they have made the wrong decision. It was necessary to act differently. The trick is that you will never be able to find out whether you did the right thing, because... impossible to check. Always consider your choice to be the only correct one.
For example, you bought a car, and a week later its engine broke down. My first thought was that I had to buy another one, but on the other, at the most inopportune moment, the brakes could fail. What would be better?
In fact, making the right decision is not difficult, it is much more difficult to take responsibility for its consequences! Follow the given rules, they will help you and get outstanding results.
Good luck, Dmitry Zhilin
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