There lived one woman, no one could satisfy her sexually! They tell her to go to Russia to a village where a man lives and he satisfies all the women!
She finds this guy and asks him to fuck her, but the guy refuses and says:
Go to the next village where my brother lives, maybe he can help!
She asks: so what, he satisfies women just like you?
He replies: I don’t know about women, but last year he fucked a bear, which still brings him honey!!!
Premiere of “The Cherry Orchard” in a modern production.
Full house. A fashionable crowd gathers. The lights go out.
There is a circle of light on the stage, in which a naked black man sits on a chair.
A girl comes out, kneels down and starts giving him a blowjob.
Three minutes pass, five minutes...
Suddenly an old man’s voice comes from the first row:
“Baby, why are you slurping so much! This is Chekhov!!”
Two classmates meet, haven’t seen each other for a long time, then the dialogue:
- Kolyan! Hello, how are you? What's up?!
- Hello, Vasya! Yes, it’s normal, two children, I work as a security guard, how are you?
- ABOUT! And I have a big company, a huge house, by the way, I need a security guard for the office, will you come? I won’t hurt you with the salary!
- Let's!
They come to the office, Vasya introduces everyone, shows everyone around. The next day he asks Kolyan:
- How do you like the office, cool?
- Yes, it’s rubbish, if I knew, I’d work here all my life!
- You haven’t seen Svetka yet - the secretary, her pussy is like a melon!
- Come on?
- Seriously, I’ll call her now!
He calls Svetka, asks her to show her pussy, she shows it.
Kolyan looked and looked and couldn’t understand anything:
- It’s strange, it’s like a pussy...
- Kolya, lick it!
One rich man returns from work and sees a homeless woman lying down, and this man wants sex, and in general, this man takes and fucks this homeless woman and puts a hundred rubles in her pocket.
A homeless woman wakes up and is surprised by 100 rubles and goes to the store and buys Baltika 7...
The next day, the man sees the homeless woman again, fucks her again and puts 100 rubles in his pocket, the homeless woman goes and buys Baltika 7 again...
And on the third day, the man also fucks the homeless woman and puts in a hundred rubles...
A homeless woman goes to the store and the saleswoman asks:
- Well, what about Baltika 7 again?
The homeless woman answers:
- Nooo, the Baltic makes my ass hurt, give me another beer.
The man had a penis 50 cm long. All his life he suffered with it - he finally decided to do something. I started visiting all sorts of magicians and healers - they didn’t know how to help. Finally he came to some granny, she told him:
- There is a small swamp outside the city. There lives a magic frog, which usually sits on a stone. Find her and ask: “Frog! Do you love me?”
- No! - says the frog.
- Frog! Do you love me?
- No... - says the frog.
- Frog! Do you love me?
Frog:
- Man, listen, you’ve already had enough! I say - no, no and no again!
There is a small swamp outside the city. There lives a magic frog, which usually sits on a stone. Find her and ask: “>The frog will answer “no” and then your penis will shrink.
A man went to the swamp and looked at a frog sitting on a stone. He comes up and asks:
- Frog, frog. Do you love me?
- No! - says the frog.
The man went home, took a ruler - he couldn’t believe his eyes - his penis became 40 cm! Again he ran to the swamp, found a frog, and said:
- Frog! Do you love me?
- No... - says the frog.
The man runs home, takes a ruler - 30 cm left. Well, he thinks, I’ll run one more time and 20 cm will be just fine. Runs to the swamp:
- Frog! Do you love me?
Frog:
- Man, listen, you’ve already had enough! I say - no, no and no again!" data-title="About a frog and a man">!}
Three nuns are walking down the street and suddenly they see cucumbers being sold.
One says:
- Let's buy 4 cucumbers.
- Why 4, there are only three of us.
- And we’ll eat the fourth one.
Once upon a time there lived a polite elk in the forest. And, indeed, the moose was very polite,
only he had one small weakness - all the animals in the forest
fucked And a bear, and a wolf, and a fox, everyone. There's only one left
a hare that the polite elk had not yet managed to reach. Poor hare
he hides from the elk day and night, he is afraid. One evening the hare decided
will be buried in a beaver's hole.
“Listen, beaver,” says the hare, “let me spend the night in your hole.”
The elk has already come to you, maybe he won’t come to you a second time.
The beaver let him in, but warned him just in case:
“You stick a carrot up your ass,” he says, “you never know.”
The hare did just that...
Now the moon was shining in the sky, the stars were twinkling, the hare slowly
falls into sleep... And suddenly... Smack!
- Good evening!
Anyway, the guy comes to church.
- Well, last week I helped my friend assemble a wardrobe. They packed it up, it started to rain, she said: “Well, where are you going to go in this rain, stay!” Well, I stayed and fucked her! A few days ago I helped a friend’s wife glue wallpaper. They stuck it on and it started to rain. She says: “Where are you going to go in this rain? Sit for now, wait.” And I fucked her... And yesterday I was helping a friend repair his car in the garage... They repaired it - and it started to rain... He says: “Well, where are you going to go in the rain, stay and have a drink!” Well, we got drunk and I fucked him. What should I do, father? ?
- Get the fuck out of here before it rains!
Father, I need to confess!
- Come on, son, ease your soul!
- Well, last week I helped my friend assemble a wardrobe. They collected it, it started to rain, she said: “>- Get the hell out of here before it rains!” data-title="Before it rains">!}
The son approaches his father and asks:
- Dad, what is virtual reality?
Dad, after thinking a little, says to his son:
- Son, to give you an answer to this question, go to your mother, grandparents, and ask them if they could sleep with an African for 1 million dollars. He approaches his mother and asks:
- Mom, could you sleep with an African for 1 million dollars?
- Well, son, it’s not a tricky matter, and we need money, of course I could!
Then he approaches his grandmother with the same question, and the grandmother answers him:
- Of course, grandson! If I had a million dollars, I would live the same number of years!!!
It's grandfather's turn, grandfather answers:
- Well, actually, once doesn’t count, so of course - yes, with this million we would build a house by the sea, and finally leave my grandmother!
The son returns to his father with the results, and the father says to him:
- You see, son, in virtual reality we have three million dollars, but in real reality - 2 simple #tuts and one faggot!
Honey, when are we going to have sex?
- I’m very tired, I want to sleep, my head hurts...
- Sleep, sleep, honey, I'm talking on the phone.
Vulgar jokes are very popular among our people. After all, the topic of sex, intimacy and betrayal is woven into our lives and is an integral part of it. Dirty jokes are always much funnier than ordinary ones. And all because in such jokes you can find much more amusing and funny life situations. People are very happy to tell each other funny, vulgar jokes and get great pleasure.
Fresh funny jokes vulgar 
A girl is standing on the bridge, clearly planning to take her own life. A homeless person approaches.
“Girl, since you don’t care anymore, can I fuck you one last time?” I haven't had a woman for so long!
- KAZEL! Have you seen yourself at all? Dirty, smelly, lousy! No, no and NO! Go away!!!
- Of course of course. I'm leaving. I'll wait for you downstairs.
Women's toast:
A traveler is walking through the desert, it’s hot, the sun is at its zenith. He sees a man lying on the sand, dying and plaintively asking:
- Water...
The traveler felt sorry for the last drops of water remaining in his flask; he did not give it to him and moved on.
Whether he walked for a long time or for a short time, his conscience awoke in him. He returned, and by that time the man had already died.
- So, girls, let's drink to giving when asked, and not when you want to give, but there is no one to give.
In a store, a man turns to the saleswoman:
- Hello, I would like, please, 3 boxes of vodka, 50 liters of beer,
5 boxes of martinis and 30 packs of condoms.
- Here you are.
- Thank you.
- Young man, wait!
- What's happened?
- Take me with you!
Excursion to the rubber products factory. First workshop.
Sounds: Shh-bang! Shh-bang! Shh-bang!
Tourist:
- What is it?
Director:
— This workshop produces nipples for baby bottles. The sound "Shhh" is vulcanization, The sound "bang" is
piercing a hole.
The next workshop is the condom shop.
Sounds: Shhh-shh-shh-bang! Shhh-shh-shh-bang!
Tourist:
— Is it really true that every third condom has a puncture?
hole?
Director:
- Certainly! We need nipple consumers!
Dirty jokes, fresh, funny to tears
At a lecture at a medical school.
Professor:
- ...also, a man’s semen contains a large amount of glucose...
Student:
- Professor, do you mean the same glucose as in sugar?
Professor:
- Absolutely right!
Student:
“Then why isn’t she sweet?”
Everyone laughed, the girl blushed, and the teacher calmly said:
- Because, dear, the taste buds responsible for sweet
taste are located on the tip of the tongue, not on the tonsils.....!
Last night a girl with a big bust got into a fight with me. She entered the elevator with me, and I couldn’t help but stare at her tits.
She suddenly asked:
— Young man, maybe you’ll finally press the button?
And then something went wrong...
Inquiring minds around the world are wondering why men
the penis is thicker at the end than at the base.
French scientists spent 150 thousand francs on research
and came to the conclusion that it was purely for the woman's pleasure.
American scientists spent 15 million dollars and came to the conclusion
that it is purely for the man's pleasure.
Ivan Semenych from Tyumen spent at his own expense
independent research. Having spent 15 minutes off duty
during drilling time, he came to the conclusion: for this reason, the dick at the end is thicker,
so that the hand does not jump off and hit the forehead.
An experienced man will always distinguish a woman's breast from a girl's by touch -
by pitch, volume and duration of the squeal.
The funniest funny jokes
Boys, give the girls your seat on the bus! You can see your boobs better from above.
My husband comes home from work in the evening. He is greeted by his wife, friendly
like this. The husband is surprised by this change. He sits down at the table in the kitchen, and his wife
tells him:
— Darling, our relations are moving to market relations. Dinner
costs 50 rubles.
My husband figured it wasn’t expensive, he wouldn’t give it any other way. I agreed.
The wife put the wings on the table, everything is as it should be. The husband paid off. After
After dinner he gives her a shirt and says:
— The button needs to be washed and sewn on.
“It costs 30 rubles,” says the wife.
Her husband gives her 30 rubles. The wife did everything in the best possible way. They lie down
the husband goes to bed with his wife, and she tells him:
— It costs from 100 rubles.
“I only have 70 left,” the husband answers, turns around and falls asleep.
My husband wakes up at night from some noise. Looks - in all rooms
The light is on, the wife is looking for something in her bags and things. He asks her:
-What are you looking for at night?
- Yes, I’m looking for 30 rubles to lend you.
A visitor to a sex shop stands for a long time at a stand with dildos,
then asks the seller:
- Excuse me, where is your fitting room?
She:
- I love to sing, but a bear stepped on my ear...
He:
- And he also lay on his chest for a little while.
Husband and wife in bed. The wife reaches orgasm, then again.
The husband continues as if wound up. My wife is on her third, fourth, fifth...
At the top of bliss she asks:
- Darling, what's wrong with you today?
- What? Oh, sorry... I was thinking...
Anecdote-parable
I was happy! I dated my friend for a whole year and in the end we decided
get married. Our parents helped us in any way, our friends supported us.
What about your girlfriend? My friend was just a fairy tale!
The only thing that confused me was her little sister. She was
20 years old, and she wore miniskirts and tight T-shirts with big
cutouts. She always bent down when she was near me and showed
your panties. I'm sure it wasn't an accident since she didn't
never seen this before anyone else.
One fine day her sister called me and asked me
came and looked at the wedding invitations. When I arrived she was
one. She told me that I will soon be married, but she has feelings and
desires for me that she cannot overcome. She said she wants
make love to me only once before I get married. I was
I was terribly surprised and didn’t know what to answer.
She said, "I'm going upstairs, and if you want, just go up
come to me and take me." I was shocked. I froze in surprise while she
walked up the steps. When she went upstairs she took off her panties
and threw them to me. I stood there for a while, then turned around and headed
straight to the front door. He opened the door, left the house and headed
to your car. My future father-in-law stood on the street, with tears in his eyes
he hugged me and said: “We are very glad that you passed our little
test. Now we know for sure that there is no more suitable man for
our daughter! Welcome to our family!”
Moral of the story: Always leave condoms in the car...
Very funny vulgar joke
Village. Night. In the hut, the old father lies down on the stove. Almost falls asleep
but through his slumber he hears the young people rustling below.
The old man, falling asleep, chuckles to himself: ... oh youth, youth ...
And below they whisper:
- let's stand
- Come on
- let’s just sit and sit
- Let's
- come on from above
- Let's
- let's have a jack
- Let's
- let's do it doggy style
- Let's
- let's kandribobik
- Let's
Oops!!! The old man was thrown up, what's the matter - I've never heard of it. Give
At least I'll take a look! He bent down and peered - nothing could be seen... darkness.
It sticks out further... out of sight... further out... out of sight...
He bent and bent until he flew off the shelf. Noise throughout the whole house... tubs,
I grabbed potholders, pots, and kettles all along the way. Somehow I got up
scratches his side and tries to crawl back.
At this time, my daughter asks in fear:
- What happened, daddy?...
- Nothing happened, daughter, you just need to fuck like a human!!!
A joke about bulls on a ranch
One Ment recommends to another:
- Just think, there is a new method for having sex!
I tried it yesterday. Fucking my wife. In your favorite position. I feel like my orgasm is approaching and hers is approaching.
Well, I take the service gun from the pillow, and into the ceiling - BA-BANG!!! We came together.
Simply great! Try it - you won't regret it.
The next day they meet again
and his comrade attacks him with curses - almost with fists.
- Wait a minute, tell me how it happened!
- Yes, damn it, I make love to my wife in my FAVORITE position,
well, as you said. I feel like I’m approaching and she’s about to have an orgasm.
I take the service gun from the pillow, and into the ceiling - BANG!!!
Not only that, I almost bit off the end,
She also shit on my face!!!
Bachelor party. Three men in a sauna with one girl.
One settled in behind, the other in front,
the third is tired of waiting and asks:
- Maybe we should change someone?
Girl pulling dick out of mouth:
- Damn, change me!
The group sex is in full swing... Suddenly Lieutenant Rzhevsky turns on the bright light and claps his hands:
- Stop, stop, stop, gentlemen... this is no good... we need to decide something,
otherwise I’ve already done sh*t to someone twice...
A sophisticated Frenchwoman married a Texas cowboy. After a month of family life, she turns to her husband:
- Joni, dear, I’ve been wanting to ask you something for a long time.
When you kiss me with the gum in your mouth,
- I gradually got used to it.
When we make love and you keep your cowboy boots on
- I still tolerate this.
But please, darling, when we do 69,
- Please take the cigar out of your mouth.
In a sex shop there is a man standing by the display window with vaginas:
- Do you have adapters from half an inch to 3/4?
Guys! In marriage you need to not only appreciate what you have,
but also to “have” the one you value. And, preferably, more often...
Women can do anything. But some are shy.
Two whores are walking.. one says to the other: “I smell something like that!”
And she answered her: “Yes, I vomited.”
A man comes to work puzzled. Colleagues ask him:
- What happened?
He says: you see, guys, I got myself a mistress
and when I come home, I restrain myself in every possible way so as not to call my wife by the name of my mistress,
and it just rolls around on my tongue - fucked up, I’m afraid I’ll burn myself.
Employees responded:
fuck, get yourself a cat, name it after your mistress
and suddenly even if you blurt out something there will always be an excuse.
Exactly!!! a man runs to a pet store, buys a cat and drags it home.
Well then, in general, he walks around for two weeks with a happy face!
Two weeks later he comes to work in no mood.
The guys say what happened again?
Answers:
My wife got a dog and named it Ashot
Circus, last performance.
The man makes a promise:
“And this room requires complete silence and darkness!”
Well, the people buzzed a little, and then died down. It’s dark, you can hear a fly flying.
And then a man with a chair and a candle comes on stage.
He sets up a chair, sits on it, holds a candle with his left hand,
and with the right one he starts jerking off...
He jerks off for 30 minutes, jerks off for an hour...
And then a voice from the audience: “When will you finish!?”
Man: "Who's here!?" and blows out the candle.
Medical examination at the military registration and enlistment office. Queue to see the surgeon.
There is a doctor and several interns in the office.
Suddenly the doctor is called to the phone and, leaving, he leaves one of them in his place.
One of the people on the waiting list approaches. The intern, blushing: - Lower your panties.
He lowers it. As soon as she touches the penis, it gets erect.
Trainee: - Masha, bring a cold, wet cloth!
And so on several times. Finally the guy can't stand it anymore:
- Listen, why did I come here: for a medical examination or to dry your wet rags?
The entertainer comes on stage:
- Solo on a flaccid dick...
There is shocked silence in the hall... The entertainer looks thoughtfully into the prompter's room.
- Sorry... Cello solo.
Once a man came into a public toilet to relieve himself and looked
and there is a black man standing there doing the same thing.
The guy stands next to him, unzips his fly, pisses, and then suddenly notices the black man’s penis,
about thirty centimeters. The guy is so freaked out and asks:
- Hey, friend, maybe I could have the same one somehow, huh?
“There’s nothing to do,” the black man answers.
- You take a brick, tie it to your penis and walk around like that for a day or two.
Well, the guy decided to check it out. A couple of days later he meets the same black man and tells him:
- What kind of bullshit did you advise me - my penis didn’t get any bigger, it just turned black!!!
And the black man (surprised):
- So what did you want to make longer?
Zay, do you want some chips? - No, they are harmful!
- You are also harmful, but I want you!
The wife sends her husband to the bakery for croissants:
- How much should I buy, my dear? - Buy as much as you and I had tonight!
The husband comes to the bakery: - I’d like 5 croissants, please, and thought:
- No, please, I’ll have 3 croissants, a chocolate bar and a lollipop!
I want to tell a story that happened to me. My name is Lily. I am 26 years old. Due to current circumstances (divorce from my husband), I received a luxurious 2-story house and a brand new car from my father. Having promised him to start an independent life, having thought carefully and decided that I needed to continue my studies, I enrolled in an English language school.
The private school was designed for businessmen and managers who needed high-level English, so there was no one under 20 years old in this school. It was located far from the city center and my home. I had to go there almost every day in my beloved BMW. I like to drive a car, not racing on the streets, but just enjoying the average speed and listening to music.
The first day of school was probably the most eventful. Having chosen a place for myself at the first desk, I began to look at those present. Several young girls, a couple of married girls, three guys, a total of 12 people. Cute. A pro will never recruit a class of 20 or more people. The most fruitful learning takes place in such small groups.
At 10 o'clock classes began, but the teacher was still not there. During this time, the class managed to become acquainted. The wait and conversation were interrupted by a knock on the door.
Hello, sorry for being late on the first day of our training! , - the teacher’s soft voice penetrated my ears, making me shudder.
“It’s okay, there are terrible traffic jams on the roads because of the snow!” young girls like me squealed in admiration.
Teacher... Hmm... Now I understand why when the teacher came in, the girls fell silent... Alexander Andreevich was young, perhaps a little older than me, tall, pleasantly built and unusually handsome in appearance.
As one might expect, at the beginning of the lesson, Alexander Andreevich gave the entire class an anonymous questionnaire. We wrote questions for the teacher on sheets of paper, and he promised to answer them. From the questionnaire we learned that the teacher is not married and lives far from work. And the last thing is that he is 32 years old - that’s what I wanted to know.
The lessons were held according to a specially selected program.
Alexander Andreevich, sparing no time, conducted additional classes, diligently monitoring each of us. If during a lesson someone did not understand the topic, the teacher spoke in a more understandable language, chewing each sentence. It seems to me that he really loved his profession and tried to “reach out” to everyone.
The girls, even married ones, went crazy for the teacher. Frankly, I was also a little intoxicated when the teacher was nearby. They tried to go to extra classes every day, went to the school cafeteria together, and invited them to tea parties.
I didn’t rush after the teacher like everyone else, the wound in my soul from parting with my husband had not yet healed... Although, I tried very hard not to think about him anymore. I did not care. My goal was to speak English perfectly.
Alexander Andreevich did not refuse tea, but always kept his distance from those who were too persistent. Although, sometimes a young soul, full of unspent love, burst out, and the teacher allowed himself to joke and “tease”, to make even tough girls blush.
A year has passed.
One day, on a day when laziness struck me and I wanted nothing more than to rest, having not learned my lesson and, on top of all this, having overslept, I rushed to class in a BMW. “MOCKINGBIRD” was playing, snow was falling, the mood was appropriate...
When I arrived, I tried to quietly sneak into my place, but the teacher still saw me.
Lily, is everything okay? You’re just in time (he smiled slyly), yesterday I gave you the task of translating the text, did you complete the task?
- Alexander Andreevich, to be honest, I’m not ready at all.
- Looks like you're not the only one, half the class is not prepared. Was the task really that difficult? Well, okay, let’s start with the text..,” the teacher said softly.
“Alexander Andreevich, what a sexy voice you have!” the girls squealed.
- Let's see based on the results of the lesson whether I will charm you or not! , - the teacher whispered more erotically.
I laughed quietly at these jokes. The lesson was intense and interesting, as always. Having finished classes and extra classes, everyone began to leave. Even those who always stayed late were in a hurry to go home. At about 5 pm, it gradually began to get dark outside the window. Great sleepy weather. The girls ran away, leaving me and the teacher in the classroom.
Lily!?, - the teacher called me
I shuddered. ...I wish I could get to a warm bed quickly...
Lily, have you forgotten your request?
- Oh yes! Of course. I asked you to explain some words to me. Sorry.
- It’s okay, I won’t delay you long, please stay for another hour and I’ll let you go.
- Fine...
Alexander Andreevich smiled, looking at me. Approaching the front door, he looked back and asked:
So as not to be disturbed, will I close the door?
- Ah..? Mm... Yes, yes, please.
I was confused... Is something wrong? Maybe he always closes the doors?
We analyzed the phrase. The teacher sat down opposite me at the desk. Every feature of the face, every fold was presented to my gaze. “What a handsome man he is,” I mentally noted. Sometimes I made mistakes in writing, he took my hand in his and wrote to it, embarrassing me terribly. My hands were shaking, I tried to concentrate on writing, but it was difficult. I dropped my pen on the floor a couple of times. At these moments, the teacher bent down to pick it up and our heads sometimes touched.
An hour has passed. After saying goodbye to the teacher, I got into the car. My hands clung to the steering wheel until it hurt, my head fell on them. I was trembling from an overabundance of feelings, my heart was beating madly in my chest... I started crying...
Hurry home, hurry home...
The next day I called the school and said that I would only come for additional classes in the late afternoon. This day was dedicated only to myself. Massage, delicious tea and “doing nothing.” At 4 o'clock I went to school.
As I thought, there was no one there. Perhaps only a few teachers and Alexander Andreevich.
“Hello,” I sang cheerfully.
“Lily, it’s great that you came, let’s study?” the teacher stood up and came up to me.
- With pleasure.
- Sit down at your desk, please.
- Oh, English right away?
I removed a thread from the teacher's jacket.
Great, Alexander... Oh, sorry, Alexander Andreevich...
The teacher looked at me carefully, smiling slightly. A gentle smile... What a gentle smile he has!
Lily, you’re caring...,” he said quietly.
“Hmm, sometimes,” I smiled.
A couple of hours of practice brought me to my senses. The heart was calm. The teacher, after a while, asked me to write a couple of sentences on the board and try to translate them.
You can approximately, the main thing is that you must understand the meaning of the sentence.
He stood next to me and glared at me, from which I gradually began to melt. “The teacher will not be able to embarrass me! I’m not strong, but because of this look I won’t squeal like others. He's not looking at me! He’s not looking at me, but at what I’m writing,” I mentally told myself.
Lily, you’re a tough nut to crack,” the teacher whispered, making my heart beat faster.
Soooo, you decided to test me?! Did you want to embarrass? I'll show you the checks now! I got angry.
No, Sashenka, a look like yours makes me melt,” turning to the teacher and coming very close to him, looking into his eyes, I whispered languidly.
His lips parted and his cheeks turned slightly pink. Our faces were very close, all we had to do was lean slightly, stretching out our lips, and we would have kissed.
I succeeded! He was terribly embarrassed! (I mentally rejoiced) Suddenly, the teacher slightly bowed his head, and it seemed to me for a moment that he decided to kiss me. Can't be! I do not believe! Fear appeared on my face.
Alexander Andreevich tightly squeezed my waist and, slightly pulling me away from him, said hoarsely:
Lily, me too...
We both stood paralyzed for a few seconds and just looked at each other. Our bodies and hearts were burning hot.
Hmm, oh, sorry, let’s continue studying,” the teacher hastily pulled away from me and said firmly.
- Let's... I translated the phrase, but to no avail, please help!
- Necessarily!
The teacher stood behind me and took my hand with the chalk in his. (damn, again I’m embarrassed by his behavior) A strong hot hand and my pliable one... I felt the heat of his body through my thin jumper.
Lily, I can hear your heart beating, what's wrong? – the teacher whispered next to my ear. (Oh God, what’s going on.. What’s wrong with me?! Lily, pull yourself together! The girls were 100% right, he has a sexy voice. I’m already completely wet!)
“It’s just the weather...” I said slowly, without turning to him.
“Lily, I want you to go to extra lessons more often,” the teacher asked.
- Fine.
Arriving home, I fell on the bed in my clothes and fell soundly asleep for the first time in six months...
The next morning I was woken up by a knock on the door....
--- Who came so early? - I was angry, getting dressed as I walked... - Especially on Sunday! Or maybe it’s an ex, today is my birthday... I found the time, damn it, I remembered.
Without looking at the intercom, I went down to the hall and opened the door.
Alexander Andreevich stood on the threshold with a huge bouquet of white roses.
---Al...? Alexan..., - I was shocked.
--- Happy birthday, Lily! You look great! (the teacher stared at me with his eyes wide open and stuttering)
I looked where the teacher was looking and was taken aback. Sleepy, I, without looking, put on only a transparent shirt of a soft pink color that slightly covered my butt. My hair, unkempt, flowed over my chest and shoulders. His lips were burning from sleep and were crimson in color. I looked like a sexy, horny bitch who had been having sex all night. And in this form I appeared before the teacher. Yes, any man’s spot will light up when he sees something like this!!!
Alexander Andreevich closed his eyes with a deep sigh.
--- Sorry, I’m not watching... Although I’d really like to,” he joked, trying to bring me out of my stupor.
“Open your eyes and come in,” I smiled. “You’ve already seen me, now it’s too late to close your eyes.”
“If I open my eyes and look at you again, I’ll have to be resuscitated,” he continued to joke.
--- It's not scary, it's natural.
The teacher walked into the room, and I ran to the shower. Coming out of it, I saw Alexander Andreevich sitting on the floor with a magazine and a cop with whiskey.
He looked great, like from the cover of a fashionable men's magazine.
I sat down next to him.
--- Do you like men's magazines?, asked A.A.
--- Oh, these... - I nodded at the stack lying on the table. - This was left over from my ex-husband, but I don’t want to stop subscribing.
--- Still have feelings? Sorry, it's probably none of my business.
--- Thank you... Almost everything has already burned out.
“Lily, if you don’t mind, let’s go to the sea,” the teacher tactfully translated the conversation.
--- Yes!! I haven't been to the sea for a long time!!! Especially in winter!!!,” I happily agreed.
--- And then to a restaurant, to a disco, or wherever you want, I want you to remember your birthday for the rest of your life.
--- Oh, I’ll remember him, even a morning event will suffice
--- Ahh.... That's right, I definitely won't forget. We laughed together.
I sat down on my knees in front of him.
--- Whiskey?
--- Yes...
--- Who will drive the car?!
--- You
--- Haa?? I?? On your birthday??!! Hm...
I pouted. The teacher put the magazine aside and sat even closer to me. He took his copp and brought it to my lips.
--- Drink
--- Eh?? I'll drive the car! “I said sarcastically.
--- Drink, Lily, please, he whispered sexily.
--- No
--- You will not? That's how... I came with a driver, he would take us....
--- Why didn’t you say it before!?
--- Well..., - he drawled, smiling.
--- Alexander Andreevich, you... you... I have no words! - I exploded.
--- Senks
We went to the club.
Dr. was amazing... At the disco, when they played a romantic melody, he hugged me tightly and I felt his body. Intoxicated, we sometimes did stupid things, flirted with each other; in the dance, as if our lips were accidentally touching... But it didn’t come to kissing. In the evening, the teacher released the driver and we went to my home. I got a little seasick in the car and fell asleep. I woke up to Alexander Andreevich taking off my outerwear. I was already home.
--- Oh, sorry, I fell asleep...
“Nothing,” he gently reassured me. I didn't want to wake you.
He covered me with a blanket and I fell asleep again.
When I woke up, there was no one nearby. Dream? The room was cleaned, as if there was no Dr...
I looked at the table. No, this is not a dream. There were still white roses on the table, and among them, in the very center.................... one bright red one was visible...
Staring at the rose, I tried to understand when the teacher managed to buy it and its meaning.
In the afternoon A.A. called and inquired about my well-being, apologized for my behavior, although I was happy and glad. He gave me the most unforgettable birthday.
A mounth later.
--- Lily, Lily, - my friend ran into the toilet, where I was standing and combing my hair.
Today my friends and I were going to go for a walk after class.
--- What's happened?
--- You A.A. urgently asked to come. Have you done something?
--- Of course not. Strange... We'll have to postpone our trip.
--- Hee hee, It's worth it! I think he's picking on you
--- Well, yes, of course.. Hehe. Bye!
--- Bye, - my friend patted me on the shoulder and ran away...
I wonder what he needs from me? Oh no! Just not classes! Don't want
study today....
I slowly walked up to the second floor, walked along a quiet corridor and opened a familiar door.
--- Alexander Andreevich, did you call me? - I asked quietly.
There was silence in the class. The teacher sat on the penultimate desk with his head in his hands.
"Asleep?" - I thought.
Sitting down in front of him and placing my hands on his desk, I began to look at him...
The teacher suddenly raised his head, thereby frightening me, grabbed my hands and squeezed them with his own. I was captured! Screaming, I wanted to free my hands, but in vain, he held them tightly.
--- Let me go!
--- Oh, I’m sorry, it’s probably from sleep,” the teacher unclenched his fingers. Did it hurt!?
--- You scared me, I said smiling
--- Please forgive me. So, about your test... I noticed that you don't know how to write stories at all. If you don't mind, we could fix this now. It is not hard...
--- Today?!!
---Yes, do you have other plans?
--- Hmm... Not anymore. I just don’t want to sit in a cold classroom and study... I don’t feel well....
---What do you propose?
I had an idea, but would the teacher agree....
--- At home...
--- ?
--- If you don’t mind, we’ll go to my house and you’ll explain everything to me...
--- Hmm... I don't mind, of course. Perhaps you will relax and delve more into the topic... Okay... Just promise me a cup of hot coffee?
--- Of course! - I was glad that he agreed. At least I'll rest a little.
--- By the way, park your car in the school parking lot, we'll go in mine.
--- Fine.
The teacher, having warned the director about classes at home and having received consent, went down to the wardrobe, where I was already picking up my clothes.
--- Everything is fine! You agreed... Let me help you...
“Thank you,” the teacher carefully threw a fur coat over me...
When I met my eyes, I was a little embarrassed. I have not yet forgotten how we spent my birthday.
We left school. Snow... I'm so tired today. Throwing my head back and closing my eyes, I enjoyed the frost and snowflakes falling on my face.
--- The Snow Queen?! Let’s go,” the teacher said, gently touching the tip of my nose.
--- Thank you, I have become such a lazy person...
He smiled back, opened the car door and put me in the car.
...............................................................................................................................
The car purred quietly and I dozed off to the sound.
--- Lily..., - the teacher’s gentle voice woke me up.
Opening my eyes, I saw in front of me the face of Alexander Andreevich, who was bending over me. His cheeks were burning, his heart was beating desperately...
--- Lily... I...
His lips were slightly parted, as if they were waiting.....
--- Alexander Andreevich...., - I plunged into his spell, my head was foggy.
--- Please... kiss me..., - what am I saying!... The words popped out on their own. The body went limp.
He removed a lock of hair from my forehead and gently touched it with his lips... Oh, God, a fire ignited in me from his kiss!
--- I'll come now, I need to take a couple of books with me. Wait a little bit.
It turns out that while I was dozing, he first stopped by his home.
Emotions sucked the last strength out of me. What is this? What relationships? Teacher and student? Mmm... Man and woman? It looks like it, but something is missing... No...
My head was spinning and I fell asleep again, unnoticed by myself.
The teacher returned with books, threw my seat back and covered my legs with a blanket.
......................................................................................
---Lily! “Wake up, we’ve arrived,” the teacher gently touched my cheek with his hand. Seeing that I did not open my eyes, he began to stroke my hair, lightly tugging at it.
Under the teacher's gaze, I stretched sweetly.
Arriving home, I asked the teacher to make himself at home, and I went to take a bath.
10 minutes later Alexander Andreevich knocked on the bathroom door.
“Lily, I hope you didn’t swim too far?” the teacher joked.
--- Ha ha. I don’t know how to swim... By the way, can you teach me?
--- Mmm, I need to think about it. By the way, it’s already nine o’clock in the evening. Let's quickly go out and get busy.
--- Would you like to rub my back?
--- Lily, don't joke with me like that
--- Tell me honestly, do you want it or not?, I insisted. I really wanted to know what he was thinking at the moment and what he wanted.
--- If you go out, I’ll tell you.
--- Alexander Andreevich! What a cunning man you are!” I was offended.
--- Lily, don't be capricious.
After the shower, I put on a short skirt and shirt. The house was very warm, even hot.
--- Alexander Andreevich, you can also take a shower. After work, you probably really want to take a bath and drink coffee.....
---Lily, if you don’t mind, then I would really like to do this,” he was delighted.
An hour later we were drinking coffee and eating the chicken I had cooked.
I gave him a robe after the shower and saw his powerful chest for the first time. I really wanted to touch such beauty.
--- Alexander Andreevich, - I came close to him, - can I touch it?
In response, he took my hand in his and placed it on his chest. I felt his breathing quicken and his heart pounding in his chest.
--- So warm..., at my words, he took a deep breath and ran my hand along his chest to his stomach. I shuddered, and he pressed my hand even harder. There was a storm going on under his robe.
Twilight, dim lights, light music aroused the woman in me, I wanted him here and now and was ready to pounce on him myself, like a hungry animal. But I did not understand and did not know the thoughts of Alexander Andreevich. He came to study and suggested this several times. No, you need to throw all vulgar and intimate thoughts out of your head. I'll cheat myself.....
--- Lily, what’s wrong with you, I’m calling you, but you seem to be hovering somewhere, - the teacher lightly patted me on the shoulder.
“Well, sit down at the table,” the teacher sat me down, laid out the books and notebooks.
--- So, we need to do something else with your hair.
The teacher took a crab and a comb lying on the table, came up behind me and began to carefully comb my hair.
--- Alexander Andree....vi.....
--- Doesn't it hurt?
--- No, I'm very pleased
Putting down the comb, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, bent down to my ear and softly, sexually whispered: “Lily.” The body again felt very weak, the head was spinning. He saw how I closed my eyes and enjoyed myself and squeezed my shoulders harder.
Alexander Andreevich, touching his neck with his fingers, pinned his hair with a crab.
After working out and feeling very tired, we decided to drink a little cognac to boost our strength.
--- Alexander Andreevich, I wanted to say, you have an amazing body.
---Haha, thank you very much, do you like it?
--- So much so that I want to see him again.
--- Ho..ro..sho..., - the teacher said slowly.
We were already sitting in the living room, there were glasses and coppas of alcohol on the carpet. The teacher was sitting with his elbows on the sofa, and I was kneeling next to him. He exposed his torso to the waist.
“What do you say, dear Lily,” he whispered in a languid voice.
--- I have nothing to say.... All I want is to touch it again.
As I bent down to touch his chest, the teacher reached out and unhooked the crab. My hair fell on his chest and flowed in waves over it.
“Lily, you look... amazing,” he whispered, his voice hoarse with excitement.
Raising my eyelids, I looked with interest and whispered:
--- You too...
My intuition did not let me down, deciding to go to the end and not miss the moment, I began to attack.
--- Can I ask you... to give me a massage?
--- Dear Lily, of course; “I’ve completely tormented you with my studies,” the teacher took me by the hand and led me into the bedroom. He sat down on the wide bed and leaned against the pillows.
--- Come here, sit facing me... like this... Put your head on my shoulder. And your feet on mine. Sit closer, don’t be afraid,” the teacher took me by the shoulders and pulled me towards him.
--- I'm not afraid.... I'm just...
--- What? Tell me,” he took my chin, again our faces were very close for a kiss. The teacher was very gentle in everything.
--- I... I can't...
--- Basically, I understand... Lily... answer me one question... Just honestly, how do you feel next to me now? The answer is required.
--- Now I feel... excitement, shame, confusion, desire...
--- You have a storm of emotions in your soul! - the teacher ran his palm over my cheek. “Now I’ll fix it, my massage will calm you down.”
--- Your hands don’t let me calm down... They are too gentle..
“Your body is too sensual,” the teacher cut off affectionately.
I rested my head on his shoulder and thought. "No, it's impossible to calm me down"
The teacher brushed my hair off my back and pulled my shirt off my shoulders. Wrapping both hands around my waist, he pulled me towards him. There was nothing under the clothes and feeling this made him even more excited. His hot body began to heat up again, and I felt his “dick” with my thighs. And my skirt separated my pussy from his dick.
--- How risky all this is....., I whispered
--- ......
He carefully pressed his chest against mine, feeling its elasticity. With his hands he massaged my neck and back.
--- Lily...
--- ...Mmm?
--- I have a wish?
--- Yes, you won it from me, do you want something?
--- Yeah..... But I can't...
--- Why?
---My job, duty, etc. me...
--- Stopping? It looks like you too are having a storm in your soul. We are adults, decide on your desires and act, make them come true. Even if you make a mistake, you will know the answer.
--- What a smart girl you are, Lily.
I looked at him and we smiled at each other. The sparkles coming from him began to mix with mine.
--- If you don’t mind, let’s go to sleep,” the teacher stretched.
--- Yes! I'm so... tired too. “Where should I put you?” I looked at him questioningly.
The teacher raised an eyebrow. “We are adults...” my own words flashed through my head. The issue was silently resolved. He lay down on the bed and I lay down next to him. Before that, I put a T-shirt on my body.
--- Lily, can I have a small request?
--- What? - I lay down on my stomach and began to look at the teacher.
--- Call me by name, - the teacher also lay down on his stomach.
--- Okay, Alexander Andreev..
--- Sasha,” he smiled and touched the tip of my nose.
--- Yeah....- I whispered back, smiling.
Soon we fell asleep. At night I woke up, the teacher was sleeping peacefully next to me, his hand was lying on my stomach. He hugged me in my sleep. I began to look at him with courage and without fear that he would wake up. And then a thought flashed through my mind. I can make one wish come true! Without risking anything! Great. I freed myself from his embrace and carelessly tied my hair up with something. In the dream, the teacher turned over on his back...
And I thought, “You’re great... But... What kind of relationship do we have? It's becoming unclear to me. This is not a teacher-student relationship, but it is not a male-female relationship either. They are more like family-tender. We need to stop them and put them on another level. But while there is a chance... I will change them secretly from you. Like a warm-up. When I calm down a little... I will accept all your tenderness and warmth from you. And wait for the relationship to develop. The desire to kiss him grew...
I leaned over the teacher, his lips parted in sleep and gave even more chances. --- Sasha..., - closing my eyes, I gently kissed him on the lips. For several seconds my lips did not move. I enjoyed the softness and warmth of Sasha’s lips. When I woke up, I kissed him on the corner of his mouth again.
--- Oh, who’s playing naughty here, - with these words, the teacher sharply grabbed me by the shoulders, turned me over on my back, pressing me to the bed with his magnificent body. I definitely couldn’t move anymore.
--- Well, tell me... what were you doing here while I was sleeping? - the teacher grinned slyly.
--- Let me go, I’ll tell you.
--- No, dear Lily, I'm not going to let you go this time.
---Then I will remain silent, - I was happy in my heart at this development of the situation.
--- But we’ll see, - and with these words, Alexander Andreevich, unexpectedly for me, pressed his lips into mine.
A wave of excitement pierced my body and I moaned pitifully. The kiss lasted several seconds. Then he kissed me again, slightly parting my lips with his tongue.
--- Did you want this? Yes?...,” he gently touched my cheek with his lips.
--- I've been asking you to kiss... me for a long time.
--- I remember in the car.... I restrained myself from this desire, because... my job and the agreement not to make any connections with students were the main ones. But... feelings cannot be prohibited by any paper. Every day, in every lesson, my thoughts were only about you, about your lips...
My heart began to beat faster, the teacher was talking about his feelings! I couldn't believe my ears. The words I dreamed and thought about...
--- Lily...
--- What!? - I raised my eyebrows in interest, speaking languidly.
--- I'll tell you later...
--- After what? - the teacher freed my hands and I wrapped them around his back.
I felt his erect penis begin to rest between my thighs.
---After I eat you
The teacher turned out to be a very passionate, hot man. In terms of sex. But in life he is calm and serious. I am happy, but my friend was shocked by my story, especially by the end. Basically, me too, although... we were drunk and really wanted each other.
These are the things that happened to me.
We are now married and in a week we will have a baby. By the way, we got married the next day after the “war” in bed.
Happiness is truly near us, we just need to look around...
Loading...
