Today's young family faces many problems: mutual distrust, misunderstanding, constant scandals, and accusations against each other. But you shouldn’t draw premature conclusions and give up on your own family. Very often, especially for girls, excessive emotionality and a tendency to stress prevent them from soberly understanding the situation. What should an ideal family be like, how to create such a family?
Assessing the situation
It is useful to look at the situation in the family as if from the outside, mentally put yourself in the place of your partner and try to feel what he feels. The task seems easy only at first glance. Having delved into it, everyone will understand how difficult it is. There is an easier way: answers to difficult questions can be found, for example, in movies or on online forums. Continuous scandals prevent you from creating an ideal family, how to deal with this? Here you need to start with the obvious - try to be less hot-tempered, behave more restrained. The readiness to lose your temper over an insignificant reason, or to slam the door in anger, most likely signals not a misdeed by the other half, but one’s own imbalance. To clear the way to peace and harmony, it is often enough to simply drink a sedative.
We make a decision
But there are cases when the cause of family troubles really lies in the partner or in the so-called “domestic incompatibility.” It will not be possible to save a family or bring the relationship between spouses closer to ideal without the ability to compromise. Young families are prone to disagreements over household chores. You can experimentally find out which of the couple prefers which activities. For example, what would a man prefer - washing dishes or looking after a child? Obviously the second one, because a baby on his lap will not interfere with the head of the family watching TV. This can be used. Experimentally find out which of the couple prefers which activities and make a compromise.
What should a family be like?
Composing situations when a spouse will do housework, if not with joy, then, in any case, without irritation, is a very important aspect. A loving husband watching football and ironing clothes at the same time – what a less than ideal picture! But if the ideal is still far away, you can sacrifice something. In some situations, the wife silently puts all household chores on her shoulders; if the financial situation allows, the family hires a housekeeper. In fact, this is better than constant reproaches, because even a “loafer” husband can, as compensation, organize a relaxing massage for his beloved wife or volunteer to be her uncomplaining companion during a shopping walk.
What should an ideal family be like?
It is impossible without mutual trust. This is not surprising, because the presence of trust is assumed even in cooperation or partnership, let alone love! And trust must be complete, regardless of whether it is a business meeting or preparing dinner. Nothing humiliates more than constant control, especially petty control. Such guardianship only leads to mutual reproaches and mutual irritation. You should find time for each other, it is useful to have small family rituals. This could be a gentle morning farewell to work, an evening watching a movie together, a weekly trip to see mom. The inability to be apart for a long time is the best building material of a good family.
Each of us has our own ideal image of a family. And it is always built on four fantasies: a harmonious life together, open communication, effortless authority and the development of everyone’s personality. However, looking up to the ideal harms both parents and children. How to free yourself from its influence?
Of course, no one believes in an impeccable family these days. However, each of us continues to dream about it - about the family of our fantasies, the complete opposite of the real family in which we spent our childhood or which we built ourselves to the best of our ability. This image exists somewhere between our consciousness and the unconscious, in a halo of virtues that promise warmth (trust, mutual assistance, tolerance) and peaceful joys (well-being, relaxed communication, fun).
Everyone cultivates the dream of a family paradise based on their experiences and tries to realize it to the best of their ambition. “All families have their own idea of not only the ideal, but also the norm, and each family differs from others in how much it distinguishes between these two concepts,” says family therapist Robert Neuburger. - We need an ideal as a kind of engine that allows us to move forward in life. But when the bar is set too high and we are too demanding of ourselves, difficulties begin.” And our demands are growing inexorably. In the concept of “family” we see a kind of haven of cloudless happiness. And as the outside world looks more and more unfriendly and threatening, the family takes on the characteristics of a last refuge for us.
“For us Russians, it is an absolute value,” says sociologist Lev Gudkov, analyzing research by the Levada Center over the past 20 years.
The family remains almost the only point of support, because most of us (73%) trust only those closest to us - “our” people.” We want our family to always be peaceful and friendly, and essentially flawless.
“Dreams and ideal ideas help us understand how to build our lives, what to focus on, where to strive,” says family psychotherapist Ekaterina Daichik. “But when the contrast between dreams and reality is too great,” explains family psychotherapist Grazina Budinaite, “the ideal takes us away from contact with reality, takes us to another world, preventing us from acting.” Today, parents increasingly come to consultations with psychotherapists, convinced that they cannot cope with their responsibilities, feeling disappointed and incompetent. “By comprehending our ideal ideas about the family,” continues Grazina Budinaite, “we thereby give ourselves a resource for more mature interaction in it.” Therefore, we should realize those beliefs and fantasies that prevent our children from developing as individuals, and us from fulfilling our parental duty without excessive feelings of guilt and painful doubts.
But how do modern children see an ideal family?
Children have many different ideas about family: they dream of immortal grandparents, of more peaceful brothers and sisters, of parents who do not scold... well, maybe just a little.
Selected Quotes.
Timofey, 11 years old
…where you can get advice
“An ideal family travels a lot - I really like it, I love the sea, mountains, national cuisine - first try it and then cook what you like. My mother and I are great at cooking... In such a family, you can consult with your parents, adults take care of the children, control them a little, because we still cannot decide and do everything ourselves. But I love it when they hear my opinion too.”
Ira, 8 years old
...when everyone lives happily ever after
“In an ideal family, people should not be separated, they should spend holidays together, relax, go to the sea, to different countries. The older sister should more often agree to play and communicate with the younger one, and it would be nice if there was also a cheerful little brother... And we all lived happily ever after.”
Masha, 7 years old
...if dad and mom are always nearby
“This is a house where many, many different animals live: a dog, a hamster, a guinea pig and a horse. And where mom and dad are always there to help children in complex and difficult situations, to walk with us more often, and during the holidays to take us to the museum every day.”
Seva, 4.5 years old
...when dad and mom are kind and cheerful
“In an ideal family, dad loves mom, they are both kind and cheerful. They ride down the slide with me, they jump on the trampoline, they don’t scold my brother or me either. Dad comes home early from work and feeds us dumplings, and mom bakes delicious pies. And not just on weekends. And we all - grandparents, and all our friends - live in the same house. As big as the House of Friends of Gena and Cheburashka.”
Artem, 12 years old
…where everyone’s opinion matters
“Children and parents should be able to talk to each other on any topic. For example, I can tell my mom about a bad grade, but I can’t tell my dad. This is not good. An ideal family should have its own prohibitions, rules and strictures, but everyone should have their own opinion, important to those who are important to you, and to those to whom you are important.”
Nastya, 10 years old
…when the elders take care of the younger ones
“My younger brother and I are almost nine years apart, without him I was very bored, but now I like to play little games with him - blocks, pyramids, sometimes catch-up. I believe that older children should take care of the younger ones. I also want us to always live together and no one ever dies.”
Anya, 6 years old
...if they scold only for business
“Children can decide for themselves whether they want to eat candy or not, whether to go to kindergarten or just to choreography... Even in such a family, dad is often at home and helps if something doesn’t work out for the child. And most importantly, parents do not scold their children. Or rather, they scold them, but only if the children lie or fight. Then it's right."
An ideal family is people who understand each other without further ado. If parents experience real feelings, it is noticeable even to the naked eye. The tenderness with which dad treats mom, their general attention to the children. In such an environment, quarrels and conflicts are impossible. Relatives should strive to spend all their free time together. Even if someone’s mood deteriorates, a loved one tries to help cope with the difficulties that have arisen.
I would really like my family to be like this. But in order for the relationship to be strong and reliable, it is necessary that each of the relatives wants to understand the people around him. And this does not always work out, because everyone is busy with their own affairs and worries.
Short mini essay Kokoy should be an ideal family for 6th grade
A family, no matter how small or large, is ideal for me when love, happiness, joy, trust, respect, understanding, care, calm, attention, comfort, protection, and warmth reign in it. Ideal when children are bright-eyed, and parents are happy because they have such children, when grandparents are looking forward to their grandchildren, and grandchildren dream of being with their grandparents as soon as possible.
In an ideal family, no one remains misunderstood, because children hear their parents, and parents hear their children. Everyone in this family stands up for each other. The ideal family for me is when returning home is a joy.
Essay One day in the life of an ideal family
Morning. Everyone is running around screaming that they are late. There's a long line to the bathroom because my sister takes so long to clean up her mess. Meanwhile, mom had already set the table, and the smell of hot milk porridge spread throughout the apartment. We ate. Everyone left the house together. Some go left, some go right, and I go straight to school.
The lessons are over. I’m in a hurry to get home, I need to quickly restore perfect order, maybe then my parents won’t notice the entry in my diary that I behaved badly in class and didn’t listen to the teacher. My brother is already cleaning the house; he probably also had some adventures at school. We're done. He received it from his brother for writing in his diary, nothing, dad will sort it out with him in the evening.
Evening. Mom, dad and sister returned from work. They are heatedly arguing about something. Doorbell. Grandparents with something tasty, probably grandma’s signature pancakes. I love Friday.
Dinner. Everyone is arguing heatedly again. Grandfather is the most indignant, grandmother tries to calm him down. Then I decided to take revenge on my brother and told his secret to my dad, mom, and basically everyone sitting at the table. Silence. Everyone is looking at me and my brother. My brother blushed, for some reason I felt very ashamed. Laughter.
We ate. My brother washes the dishes, I clear the table, my mother and sister manage us. Then a long lecture from grandfather and father about the benefits of studying, what prospects open up for an educated person and how knowledge will be useful in life. My brother and I thought about it and firmly decided to study.
Everyone sat down in front of the TV. We watch a movie, although we spend more time chatting than watching. It's time to sleep. He hugged and kissed everyone and wished them pleasant dreams. Lay down. Thought...
An ideal family, what is it like? A large, friendly, cheerful family built on love, respect and understanding, in which everyone cares about each other, worries about each other, and trusts each other. I came to the conclusion that my family is ideal, and even though we argue, swear, get offended sometimes, can be cunning (especially my brother and I) or be mischievous, we all understand each other perfectly, and we all simply cannot imagine ourselves without a family.
He smiled. Fell asleep.
Several interesting essays
- Analysis of Bulgakov's story Morphine
The story entitled “Morphine” was written by Mikhail Afanasyevich Bulgakov. An analysis of this creation is presented in this article.
- Essay-description based on the painting Herring by Petrov-Vodkin
In front of me is Petrov-Vodkin’s painting “Herring”. It is worth noting that the artist often depicted food in his still lifes. Looking at the picture, at first it may seem that the food is quite simple and primitive
- The image and characteristics of Margarita in the novel The Master and Margarita by Bulgakova
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In our family, sport has become a good tradition that can unite us and unite us in the most difficult times.
Finally, the long-awaited day has come - this is the anniversary of our school. All the students and I were looking forward to this day because we knew it would be very interesting and fun.
An ideal family... What is it like, who can say? What is included in this concept and at what point can an ordinary post-wedding or civil cohabitation be called a family, and not just any family, but an ideal one? Some people have to write an essay on the topic: “How do you imagine an ideal family.” What comes out in the end? But it turns out that each text written by different people contains completely different formulas for a happy family life. That's it. Here it is worth noting that for each person the model of an ideal family is different, there is nothing definite and specific. What one may think is the best life together, another will not like at all. However, there are some certain standards, which are listed below. For convenience, they are divided into groups according to different family members. We remind you once again that each person has his own image of an ideal family; below are only generally accepted norms.
A woman's view What an ideal family should be like according to representatives of the fair half of humanity: 10 components. Healthy and obedient children. The number and gender depend on individual wishes, but one way or another, in 85% of cases, women consider children to be the main component of an ideal family. A magnificent and memorable wedding that you can show off to your friends. Signs of attention and courtship from a man even after marriage. Unemployed life (for career women, it’s the opposite: the absence of regular phrases/requests/demands that it’s time to take care of family and home instead of work). The attention that the husband continues to pay even after the wedding. Going to the movies, theaters, restaurants, etc. Financial stability throughout your life. Mutual understanding, absence of quarrels and especially fights. An adequate mother-in-law who is not constantly trying to teach her daughter-in-law wisdom. Lack of “household” gifts like frying pans, pots, dishwashers, etc. from the husband.
A man's view What an ideal family should be like, according to representatives of the stronger half of humanity: 10 components. Delicious daily breakfasts, lunches, dinners. Regular sex, no headaches for the wife. A cozy, tidy home and, as a result, an economic spouse who does not shy away from housework. The wife's loyal attitude towards friends; adequate response to friendly gatherings. Her loyal attitude to her husband’s hobbies and hobbies (letting go fishing, hunting or going to the sauna without a quarrel, no scandals after purchasing a useful thing like a fishing rod, car radio or naturalist’s encyclopedia). Love for one sport and/or genre of films/music (or at least the absence of disputes due to divergent tastes). The absence of daily hysterics and scandals out of nowhere. A beautiful wife who does not neglect herself after the wedding. A good mother-in-law who does not interfere in the personal life of the spouses. Lack of “everyday” gifts like a hammer, drill, razor, etc. from the wife.
A child's view An ideal family through the eyes of children: 10 components. No quarrels or fights between parents. Children really don’t like to see the people closest to them swearing. The absence of negativity directed at children, be it a raised voice or a father's belt. Absence of alcohol and a drinking parent in the family. Regular purchase of toys, sweets and other children's delights. Permission to sleep with light or with parents (this point is present for most, but not all). Periodic (as often as possible) trips to the cinema, zoos, amusement parks, attractions, etc. Joint games with parents. A large portion of daily attention. Ideally, parents should not work at all. Having a pet in the family, preferably a furry one, to play with. Ideally, several animals. A goldfish living in an aquarium that grants all wishes, Aladdin's magic lamp with a real Genie inside, the entrance to Narnia in the closet and an owl flying in with an invitation to Hogwarts.
Animal View Some people consider their pets to be full-fledged members of the family. Dogs and cats, by the way, also have their own view of the ideal family model, so their opinion should also be taken into account. So, if pets could talk, they would most likely express the following wishes. Ideal feeding: the more often the better. Owners should forget about cheap dry food and start cooking for their pets (fish, meat, sausage, etc.). Cooking involves bringing the pieces into a chopped form. Sleep anywhere. The ban on jumping on beds, tables and clothes promises controversy. Caress at any time. March delivery of cute females/males on demand. Permission to use the toilet in public places such as the sofa, corners and shoes. Breeding mice (personal desire of representatives of the cat family). Walking for dogs, no washing for cats. Daily games of “hunting” - for a laser, a piece of paper, a fake mouse, etc. Prohibition on touching and seeing other people's pets. Communication in one language (animal, of course).
Why? Why doesn’t happiness and peace reign in the house? Why can't people reach mutual understanding? Why does life together sometimes turn into real hell? Why is there everything that seems to be needed for happiness, but the family still cannot be called ideal? Why can’t you transform a family from ordinary to ideal in a day or two? Why did a person seem one thing before marriage, and then become another? Why do thoughts about divorce arise from time to time? Why is everything happening like this? Unfortunately, there is no answer to these questions, but they all relate to the topic under discussion, and the main - not the only correct, just the main - reason for all troubles is misunderstanding and the lack of some kind of connection between close people. Without these components, real, sincere family happiness cannot be achieved.
How to create an ideal family The answer is obvious: take into account all the wishes of each party. Of course, it is clear that not all the points described above can be accomplished, some are almost impossible, but you can find or try to find a compromise. Another, simpler and actually effective option is this: gather all family members and talk frankly; ask what the very concept of “ideal family” means for each specific person, and then decide how it can be created. For it to work, everyone must want it. You won’t be able to create an ideal family secretly and on your own; you’ll only ruin your nerves and end up with nothing.
Summary An ideal family is an abstract concept that means peace and happiness in the relationship between spouses and harmony in their lives. For some, a family is considered ideal if it has a small but cozy apartment on the periphery and two charming children, while for others it will be difficult to live even in a huge, luxurious cottage on the seashore. To each his own. So, decide what an ideal family means for you, write everything down point by point for better perception, understand what you lack for happiness, and create your own perfect world together with your husband/wife.
The concept “My ideal family” is not such in its original essence. If a couple of decades ago a civil marriage was quite a bold act, now people have become accustomed to it. Social frameworks are dynamic, and one must try to move them if they interfere with someone’s happiness, which in turn does not bring any harm to anyone.
When a person is born, he acquires certain kinds of stereotypes along with knowledge, experience and social skills. For example: get a higher education, find a well-paid job, have a family and children.
And most people cannot even imagine that it could be otherwise, because critical thinking on these issues is greatly blunted.
People who reject these stereotypes, because this model of behavior is not close to them, are shunned and treated with surprise. One need only remember about Childfree (people whose life position is characterized by a conscious reluctance to have children), who have to unite in groups so as not to be “black sheep” and not receive unflattering comments in their environment. But this essay is not so much about a lifestyle without children, but about the evolution of family relationships that do not fit into the old concept.
My ideal family - examples
My ideal family is people who are close in spirit, with whom there is a platonic fusion, and with whom I feel comfortable. My ideal family can exist when all members of this family have equal rights. An example of the family I am talking about is the relationship between Simone de Beauvoir and Jean Paul Sartre, who did not owe each other anything and built their relationship on intellect, love and polygamy.
But let’s get back to how my ideal family cannot fit into the “traditional” concept. I don’t like the stamp in the passport, because even the very word “married” for a girl sends her back to Ostrovsky’s drama “The Thunderstorm,” where Catherine’s mother-in-law considers her to be an appendage of a man. This already contradicts my ideas about equality. And now many adhere to this model of family life, because they cannot even imagine that it is possible to live differently or they do not want to allow it, because it is convenient and “everyone does it.” So, now, perhaps, not everyone thinks the same way as in Ostrovsky’s tragedy, but a word that a priori discriminates will always be striking. Especially now, when the fight for gender equality is so relevant. If you remember the words again, then again it is clear that “wife” and “man” are often not the same as a loved one. Otherwise, “mistress” and “lover”, which are derived from the word “love,” would not have appeared. They left according to calculation, as they still do now.
What is commonly called family happiness?
What is commonly called family happiness, in fact, is not it, but is only an imitation of something like that in front of other inquisitive people who are looking for someone else’s happiness in others, because there is no one of their own. The institution of family has long exhausted itself, but they are carefully trying to cover it up with Holy values and fashion. Family Day is based on the story of Peter and Fevronia in order to cover the hole in the very idea of family with fanfare. And people who say that I am distorting the idea of a family will deny and say that their family is impeccable if I say that this is not so, and point at fifty similar families that are not happy.
Why should a family exist if there is no happiness within it, just as there are no people in an abandoned house?
Also, the ideal in the minds of many is not even the fact that the family is happy, but rather the presence of children and two parents in it. And nothing more is needed for others, except for the fact that the family is complete and performs a reproductive function. As if orphanages are empty, but every year there is not less space on Earth and more and more unemployed and homeless people? For what? Where else will there be children if there is nowhere to put those born now? Let us remember Dostoevsky’s “Crime and Punishment,” which tells about the Marmeladov family, where one of the daughters went to exchange her passport for a yellow ticket in order to feed her sisters and brothers. And Raskolnikov’s sister “sells herself”, starts a family in order to benefit and help her brother. Or the madness of girls who play with pregnancy in order to “attach” a person to themselves and start a family. Playing on decency and the pressure of society, they are forcibly pulled down the aisle or pierced with condoms in order to perform a holy act: marriage by accident! That's happiness.
And my humble idea of family includes only trying to be happy with another person. Without all sorts of pitfalls, double actions and ambiguous hints. Of course, you can build your family according to the standard scheme that is presented by time, but it is not for me. My family is not yet able to even rightfully be called a family. Some will call it a connection, others a relationship, and others will simply say that I’m a whore. And good. But I will be happy.
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